MENSBY
4.9
Sociable people arouse interest and sympathy, unlike closed ones. Outgoing people are more successful, have more friends, have no problems with girls, and are happier. How to stop being closed and become more sociable?
Some of us are shy by nature, while others are very friendly. Most people fall somewhere between "introverts" and "extroverts". No matter what your personality tends to be, it can easily allow social anxiety and a lack of self-confidence to develop that separates you from the people around you. Luckily, you can change your mindset and break out of that shell!
1. Think positively
1.1 Understand the difference between being withdrawn and being shy. There's a difference between being an introvert and someone who's so shy that they can't even talk to anyone at a party. Introversion is a personality trait, it's what makes you happy and comfortable. Shyness is different, it comes from feeling fearful or anxious about interacting with other people. If you can identify whether you are an introvert or just a shy person, then it can help you break your shell.
As a rule, introverts do well when they are alone. They are "charged" by being alone. They enjoy interacting with people, but tend to prefer small groups and quiet gatherings rather than loud, big parties. If you feel happy and content when you are alone, then you may be a typical introvert.
Shyness can make you feel anxious about interacting with other people. Unlike introverts who enjoy being alone, shy people often want to connect more with others but are afraid to do so.
Studies have shown that shyness and introversion have very little in common - in other words, if you are shy, then this does not mean that you are an introvert, and vice versa, if you are an introvert, then this does not mean at all that you "hate people ".
1.2 Turn self-doubt into introspection. When you have the feeling that those around you are scrutinizing you, it is difficult to get out of your shell. But research shows that most time, we ourselves play the role of our own judges, and those around us do not even notice those oversights that seem catastrophic to us. Learn to examine your actions from the point of view of understanding and acceptance, and not from the point of view of criticism.
Self-doubt comes from feelings of shame and embarrassment. We worry that others judge us as harshly as we judge ourselves for our mistakes and failures.
For example, an insecure person might think, “I can't believe I said that. I looked like a complete idiot." This judgmental thought will do you no good in the future.
A person analyzing his actions may think: “Oh, I completely forgot the name of that person! We need to work out a way for ourselves to better remember names. This thought indicates that you have made some kind of mistake, but do not make it the end of the world. It also shows that you can learn and do things differently in the future.
1.3 Remember that no one looks at you as intently as you yourself. Those people who experience difficulties and cannot get out of their shell often suffer from the thought that others are watching their every move and waiting only for failure. If you are in a society, do you spend all your time tracking every movement of everyone who is in the room with you? Of course not - you are too busy with the things that are important to you. And guess what? Most are doing the same.
“Personalization” is a common cognitive disorder in which useless thinking becomes a habit. Personalization blames you for everything, even things that don't apply to you. This way of thinking can apply to you personally absolutely everything, even if you do not touch it in any way.
Learn to fight personalization by reminding yourself that it's not really about you. A colleague who doesn't wave back to you in a friendly way is not angry with you; she just didn't notice you, or she might have had a hard day, or she might have been busy with other things that you don't even know about. Reminding you that everyone has their own inner world of thoughts, feelings, needs, and desires will help you remember that most people are too busy to spend their time carefully watching you.
1.4 Fight thoughts of self-criticism. Perhaps you are afraid to come out of your shell because of the constant reminder to yourself that everything you do will only spoil the social situation. You can walk away thinking: “I was too quiet”, “The only comment I made was completely idiotic”, or “I think I offended so-and-so ...”. After all, we all make mistakes while in society, but we also act successfully. Instead of going crazy over all the worst things you might or might not have done, focus on the positive. Remind yourself that you were able to make others laugh, how genuinely glad they were to see you, or that you were able to celebrate some important moment.
"Filtering" is another common cognitive disorder. In doing so, you only focus on what went wrong and ignore what went well. This is a natural human trait.
Fight this filtering by focusing your attention on your achievements and being actively aware of what you are doing right. You can get a little notepad to carry around and write down all the good things that happen, no matter how small it may seem to you. You can even create a Twitter or Instagram account to capture those little moments.
When you find yourself mentally focusing on the negative, pull out your list of all the positive things and remind yourself how well you did it all. And what you are not particularly good at yet, you can learn!
Make a list of all the qualities that you are proud of in some way.
Nothing is too "minor" for this list! We often get into the habit of downplaying our own talents and accomplishments (another kind of cognitive impairment), assuming that everything we know isn't that great compared to someone else. But not everyone knows how to play the ukulele, or make the perfect omelet, or get the best deals. You should be proud of everything you can do.
1.6 Imagine your success. Before you get into someone's company, imagine that you walk into a room proudly and hold your head high, everyone around you is genuinely glad to see you, which makes their response to interaction with you positive. You don't have to imagine yourself in the spotlight (in fact, it might be the last thing you dream about!), but you do have to imagine what you want. This will help you achieve what you want.
There are two types of visualization, and you need to use both of them for the best results. With “outcome visualization,” you envision achieving your goal. Close your eyes and imagine how good and pleasant your next social outing will be. Imagine your body movements, words, gestures, as well as the positive reaction of people. Imagine how they smile at you, laugh at your jokes and are sincerely glad to talk with you.
With process visualization, you need to visualize the steps you need to take to reach your goal. For example, hypothetically for the future, what needs to be done to make communication easy and effortless? Prepare a few "secular" topics? Cheer yourself up ahead of time with a few positive reassurances? What actions will increase the likelihood of your success?
Visualization is essentially a psychological rehearsal. It allows you to "practice" a situation before you get into it. You can also identify potential obstacles and come up with ways to overcome them.
Visualization can help you reach your goals because it can actually trick your brain into thinking you've already done well.
2. Develop self-confidence
2.1 Achieve mastery. Another way to develop self-confidence and connect with people more easily is to learn something new. It can be anything from figure skating to a literary description of Italian cuisine. You don't have to be the best in the world at some activity; the most important thing is that you work on it and realize your successes. Mastering something will not only increase your self-confidence, it will also expand the list of topics that you can communicate with others, and it can also help you make new friends in this area.
If you're already good at something, great. Add this to the list of things that make you unique. Don't be afraid to try new things.
Also, learning new skills will help you keep your brain in good shape. When it is constantly loaded with new information and tasks, it becomes more flexible and adaptable, which is great for helping you get out of your shell.
Go to class! Whether it's yoga for beginners or Italian cooking, classes can be a great way to connect with others who are also learning something new. You will be able to see that everyone makes mistakes along the way, and you will even be able to establish relationships with people who are interested in the same things as you.
2.2 Get out of your comfort zone. Staying in your shell can be convenient. You know what you're good at and you never have to do things that scare or make you feel uncomfortable. The bottom line is that being in your comfort zone completely kills creativity and curiosity. Doing things you haven't done before will make you come out of your shell.
Getting out of your comfort zone means that you are aware that there is fear and uncertainty, and if you feel them, then this is normal. You simply must not let these emotions stop you from exploring the world around you. If you take risks even when you are a little afraid, you will realize that it will become easier to do.
Psychologists have found that in order for a person to show more ingenuity, he needs to feel a little anxiety. If people are a little unsure about a situation, they work harder, which leads to higher productivity.
On the other hand, you don't want to try too hard and too often. Too much anxiety will make your brain stop working. So be patient with yourself and only occasionally push yourself a little harder.
This does not mean that you need to go skydiving if you are afraid to look out from the balcony of the second floor. But whether it's salsa, hiking, or making your own sushi, make a promise to yourself that you'll start acting out of your comfort zone.
2.3 Set "easy" goals. One way to slow yourself down in society is to expect immediate perfection. Instead, develop self-confidence by setting challenging but achievable goals. As your self-confidence grows, you will set more challenging goals for yourself.
Try to chat with someone at the meeting. If you imagine that you will find yourself in a situation where you will have to "welcome" and communicate with everyone, especially if you have just begun to get out of your shell, then this may be too much of a task. Instead, plan to hang out with just one person. It's absolutely doable! And when you do this, you can add this achievement to your "shelf of psychological success."
Look at other people who seem shy. You are not the only one in the world who has difficulty overcoming isolation! At the next meeting, look around you and look for someone who is huddled in a corner or feeling uncomfortable. Come and meet. Maybe it will inspire another person to come out of their shell.
2.4 The possibility of making mistakes should be accepted. Not every interaction will go the way you expect. Not everyone will respond well to your attempts at rapprochement. Sometimes what you say will fail. This is fine! Accepting uncertainty and outcomes that aren't what you intended will help you stay open to connecting with others.
Turning failures or difficulties into learning experiences can also help keep you from seeing it (or yourself) as a "failure." When we mistakenly think we're failures, we lose the will to keep trying, so what's the use? Instead, look for what you can learn from each situation, even if it was awkward or didn't go as you hoped.
For example, you could try to meet someone and strike up a conversation at a party, but that person was not interested in the conversation and left. Sad, but you know what? It's not a failure; this is not a real mistake, especially since you had the tenacity and courage to do it. You can also learn something new from such cases, for example, signs that someone is not interested in talking at that moment, and realize that you are not to blame for other people's actions.
When you feel uncomfortable about something, remember that everyone makes mistakes. Maybe you've asked someone how their girlfriend is doing, even though everyone knows that she dumped him a few weeks ago. Maybe you realized that you talk too much about your childhood passions for ferrets. It's all right - we all do it. The important thing is that you failed, but did not give up. Don't let one mistake made in society keep you from trying in the future.
3. Become more sociable
3.1 Position yourself as a friendly person. Showing other people's interest in talking to you is one part of the process of getting a person out of their shell. You may be surprised to hear that people, because you are too shy and afraid to even think that others will give you a positive assessment, think of you as an arrogant or impolite person. This can be changed today. The next time someone comes up to you or starts a conversation, give that person a big smile, stand up straight and square your shoulders, and then ask with keen interest how he or she is doing. If you are used to hiding in your shell, then this will require you to practice, but you can do it.
If you are shy, you can pretend to read a book or bent over your mobile, but this may make people think that you are too busy to communicate with them.
Even if you are shy, you can appear friendly and lively. Even if you don't talk much, nodding, maintaining eye contact, smiling at the right moments, and an overall look that tells you you're pleased with yourself can all work as "active listeners." Being an active listener helps people feel that you are interested and involved in the conversation. If you just back up and study the floor, then people may even forget you are there.
Try to repeat a few key points from the conversation as a basis for your own participation. This will not only show that you are listening, but will also help other people feel understood. For example, if you are listening to someone talk about their trip to India, you might say something like, “That sounds so magical! I've never been to India, but I went to Indiana once."
If you find it difficult to talk about yourself at such moments, then you can use this tactic until you feel more comfortable talking about yourself.
3.2 Ask people open-ended questions. Once you have started a conversation with a person, it is best to ask a few simple questions about him, his plans or the topic that started the conversation. Questions are considered an easier form of social interaction, as you can talk little about yourself, but show your interest and keep the conversation going. You don't need to bombard your interlocutor with questions or look like a detective, which will make him feel embarrassed; just ask a friendly question when there is a pause in the conversation.
Obviously, shy people have a harder time just opening up and talking about themselves. This is a good way to start.
Some examples of open-ended questions are: "Where did you find such an amazing T-shirt?" or “What is your favorite book and why?” or “Where is the place where they make the best coffee?”
3.3 Start talking about yourself. Once you start to feel more comfortable talking to, or even with, your friends, you can gradually open up to them. Of course, we are not talking about the fact that you have to reveal all your innermost secrets from the very beginning, but gradually, little by little, you will start to tell something. Relax. Tell a funny story about one of your teachers. Show people a cute picture of Cupcake, your pet rabbit. If someone talks about their trip to Las Vegas, talk about the ridiculous trip there with your family. The key is baby steps.
You may even begin to open up with words like, “Me too” or “I understand you. One day I…” when people share their experiences.
Even by telling stupid jokes or small details, you will more and more get out of your shell. When people around you show a positive reaction to your words, it will be easier for you to open up more and more.
You don't have to share anything first. Wait for a few more people to do it.
Both complete isolation and excessive talkativeness about oneself may seem impolite. If a person shares a lot of things with you, and you can only answer “Uh-huh ...”, then this person may be offended that you, apparently, are embarrassed to listen to other people. Even "Me too!" helps others feel more connected to you.
Use first names when talking to new people. This will make them feel like they are important to you.
Use hints to start a conversation. If the person is wearing a baseball cap, you might ask them what their favorite team is or how they became a fan of the sport.
You can make a simple statement after the question. For example, you can say: “Imagine, because of the rain, I stayed at home all weekend. Helped my mother with a lot of things. And you? Did you do something more interesting?
3.5 Learn to read people. Reading people is a social skill that will help you have a better conversation and get out of your shell. Catching the state of the interlocutor - whether he is excited and ready to talk, or distracted by something, or just in a bad mood, can help you guess what topic to choose to talk about or not to talk to this person at all at the moment.
It is also important to understand the psychological behavior of the group; Does a group of people understand jokes only within their own and hardly accept strangers, or do people claim something? This can help you figure out how to put yourself with them.
If someone is smiling and walking leisurely with no apparent purpose, then yes, this person will be more inclined to talk to you than those who are nervous, scrolling furiously through text messages on their phone, or walking at a speed of 2 km per minute.
3.6 Focus on the moment. When you talk to people, focus on what is happening: the topic of the conversation, the facial expression of the interlocutor, who is participating in the conversation, and so on. Don't worry about what you said 5 minutes ago or what you'll say in the next 5 minutes when you get a chance to comment. Remember the part of the article about getting rid of self-doubt? Also, this applies not only to your daily thoughts, but especially to your way of thinking while speaking.
If you are too busy caring about everything you have said or will say, then you are likely to pay less attention to the conversation and participate less in it. If you are distracted or nervous, other people may be talking.
If you find yourself really distracted or nervous about a conversation, count your breaths in and out until you get to 10 or 20 (without losing the thread of the conversation, of course!). This will force you to be more aware of the moment and less concerned with other details.
4. Seek acceptance
4.1 Start saying yes and stop making excuses. If you want to get used to getting out of your shell, then it will not be enough to just improve in the social game at the moment. You need to develop the habit of interacting with other people, attending new events and being active in social life. You may say no to all of this out of fear of being in society, because you don't want to feel uncomfortable being around people you don't know, or because you're more comfortable being alone than with others. . Well, as of today, these excuses must stop.
The next time someone asks you for something, ask yourself - are you saying "no" not because of a good reason, but because of fear or laziness? If fear is holding you, then no “no” and go!
You don't have to say "yes" to an offer from a girl you don't know to go to the "bug lovers" club or to agree to absolutely everything that is offered to you. Just make it your goal to say “yes” more often. You can do it.
4.2 Make more invitations. Part of your coming out of your shell is not only accepting the actions of others, but also your own planning. If you want to be seen as more sociable, then you should become someone who occasionally invites people to his place. Even if you're just inviting over pizza and watching Scandal, or inviting a class friend over for coffee, you'll be talked about as a friendly person.
Of course, the fear of rejection may increase again. People may refuse, but it is most likely because they are busy.
Plus, if you invite to your place, then people are likely to invite you to their place in return.
4.3 Understand that you cannot completely change. If you are extremely shy, an introvert, then yes, it is unlikely that in a month you will turn into a talker. Introverts can't truly turn into extroverts, especially in a short amount of time, but they can definitely change their behavior and attitude. Plus, you don't have to be the most extroverted or the friendliest in the class in order to come out of your shell and bring out your best qualities.
So don't be discouraged if you can't bring yourself to start dancing on the tables and charm everyone you see. You may not want this anyway.
4.4 Don't forget to "reload". If you are a typical introvert, then you need time to re-energize after social interaction, or just because. Typical extroverts are energized by other people, while introverts actually expend energy in communication. And if your batteries are dead, then you need recharging, just a few hours to be alone.
While you can tighten up your social schedule, never forget to include "personal time" in it from time to time, even if it seems difficult.
4.5 Find your people. Face the truth. At the end of the day, you may never have been able to crawl out of your shell and become a total stranger. However, as you get more comfortable getting out of your shell, you can find those people who will really be "yours" and make you feel even better. Perhaps it will be a company of 5 of your close friends with whom you really relax, sing like an idiot and dance the Macarena. But this core company can help you become more outgoing in public as well.
Finding your company will help you feel more comfortable, gain confidence and, in the long run, stop being introverted. And what could be better?
4.6 Become stronger than discomfort. If you're having trouble getting out of your shell, it could be because of your habit of leaving the room when you feel uncomfortable. If you find yourself in a social situation where you don't know many people around you, don't actively participate in the situation, or feel out of place, then you can leave, apologizing for your early departure, or simply disappear quietly. Well, no more quitting when things get hard for you - instead, dive into your discomfort and you'll see that it's not as bad as you think.
The more you get used to feeling out of place, the less you'll worry about it later. Just take a deep breath, tell yourself it's not the end of the world, and find a way to strike up a conversation, or just pretend you're having a great time.
People don't recognize you as a person unless they talk to you! If you look pleasant and presentable, then others will be more comfortable next to you! Smile!
How to become sociable
A lot of people, if not most, have communication problems. It is difficult for someone to make the first contact, someone cannot maintain a relationship for a long time, someone is lost in a conversation and does not know what to say. The following are general tips on how to become more social. There are quite a few of these tips. Do not immediately rush and do them all. Most likely nothing will come of it. To begin with, choose what is more convenient for you, which is easy to implement.see the common
In Russian, the word "communication" comes from "general". Interestingly, the English "communication" goes back to the Latin "communis" - also "general". The point here is that the talking people are united by something in common, some kind of common problem, interest, idea. This is the common ground around which communication is built.In fact, seeing the general is a great art. The interests behind the process of communication are explicit and hidden. Examples of clear interest: housewives exchange new recipes, students discuss class schedules, shareholders communicate among themselves about a new company strategy. Examples of hidden interests: the desire to dispel boredom, just the accumulated need to chat, the nascent sexual desire.
Even very different people can have some common ground. For example, it may turn out that both are fond of breeding fish or root for the same football club. The question is - how to find these common ground? It is simply important here to let the interlocutor speak out, not to limit the topic of conversation. You can ask, if the situation allows, leading questions. For example, ask how this person spent the weekend. Obviously, most people try to spend their days off doing things they love.
Be useful
The person does not have to communicate with you at all. If you communicate within the framework of a formal interaction, this is a forced communication. Most of the words that people say are voluntarily spoken. In order for a person to communicate with you, you need to learn not only to find something in common with him, but also to be useful in this common.Suppose you are both fishermen. Only your interlocutor is an avid fisherman, and you take up the bait once a year. He can tell you a lot of interesting things. And this will be useful to you. But will you be useful to him? That is the question. Most likely not. Yes, you can catch the moment when a person is in a state of increased need for chatter. You will listen to him, and this will bring him some kind of benefit. It's also good. However, it is better to somehow prepare for the conversation. For example, you can read about new types of equipment, original ways of fishing, etc.
Be smart and interesting
First, as already mentioned, in communication one must strive to benefit the interlocutor. If you know a lot, have some interesting skills and abilities (for example, playing the saxophone), then this greatly increases your chances of mutually agreeable communication.Secondly, in our time, intellectual qualities are highly valued. Having an athletic physique increases sex appeal, that's for sure. But there are few who want to communicate with a stupid "jock". A frail intellectual has much more communicative potential.
be witty
As already mentioned, in communication it is very important to see the common ground and be helpful. Very often one can observe that some "jolly companies" gather, in which the common thing is the desire to have fun together and exercise wit. Such companies are united by laughter, laughter in them is the main currency.By amusing other people, you do not only make them pleasant (useful). By being witty, you demonstrate your communicative value. This is a rather subtle point. Nobody likes bores. Nobody likes formulaic phrases, notations and homework. Everyone, on the contrary, loves spontaneous wit, coming from the situation.
Don't annoy
The vast majority of people love to communicate. If they have free time and a more or less good mood, they can talk to anyone. Even the most boring person can arouse interest, because he did not sleep in suspended animation for his twenty, thirty, forty years, but he had something extraordinary in his life. However, it is very easy to scare a person away with your unpleasant manners.Take the initiative
Many people are also annoyed by the lack of initiative, the passivity of the interlocutor. Such an interlocutor, as it were, says by his behavior: "You don't want to talk about dogs, but you want to talk about work? Good. You don't want to talk about work, do you want to talk about politics? Okay. About dogs again? Of course! .." Behind such behavior is usually a desire to win the favor of another person at any cost, and this is very clearly visible, everyone understands. Therefore, you need to take the initiative, incite the interlocutor to speak at least sometimes on topics that are more interesting to you than to him.Be moderately confident
As already mentioned, communication is usually a voluntary process, not a forced one. And in this voluntary process, the interlocutors should feel like equal partners. Even in the communication of a parent with a child or a teacher with a student, there can be partnerships. Of course, one parent does not get tired of showing their higher status. But the other parent sees their child as a partner - after all, the child is just as important, it's just that he was born twenty or thirty years later than his parent.Insecure behavior is actually low-status behavior. For one reason or another, an instinctive pattern of such behavior was launched. Of course, you need to get rid of this feeling. You need to understand, realize your importance to society. With an insecure (low-status) person, they are less willing to communicate. With great pleasure they communicate with a self-confident (high-status) person, but such communication is strained, asymmetrical. It is better to observe the golden mean, to be moderately confident.
Don't force events
Getting to know another person is very easy. It is enough just to see each other - you already know each other! Yeah, you don't know each other's names, occupations and stuff. However, you know each other by sight, and this is an acquaintance. Interestingly, according to scientists, the very first information that we receive about another person is his gender. So in addition to appearance, we already know the gender. We also know height, approximate age, physique, clothing style. The situation in which we met also says a lot about a person. It's one thing if we met in a nightclub, another if in a car dealership.You are already familiar. And this is important. Further, it is necessary to gradually, according to the situation, develop relations. You can help in some small way, you can ask for help yourself. It is not at all necessary to immediately climb with your name, it will be too deliberate an acquaintance. It is better to wait until the person himself wants to exchange names and even phone numbers.
be able to listen
It should not be forgotten that people usually like to talk about themselves, their problems. They like to brag about their achievements, children, acquaintances and other things. Not everyone has their listener. Show that you know how to listen, that you are interested in stories.Being able to listen does not mean being silent all the time. Nod to show that you are listening. Ask clarifying questions.
Know how to forgive and turn into a joke
Nobody is perfect. Your interlocutor may accidentally or jokingly offend you. Develop the ability not to be offended over trifles. You must be able to forgive the interlocutor. But this does not mean that you should not react to insults at all. On the contrary, it is better to show your resentment, but also to show that you have forgiven the interlocutor. Next time he will be more careful.Don't be a misanthrope
A misanthrope is a person who does not love other people, seeing only flaws in them. This is a character trait, and a harmful character trait. It prevents a deeper understanding of the essence, the psychological structure of another person. If you are prone to misanthropy, fight it. To do this, try to look for dignity in other people, to understand their behavior more deeply.Misanthropy causes shyness in many people. The fact is that they are used to denigrating other people, revealing their "vile nature." And even though he himself seems to the misanthrope a good and sweet person, he expects that other people also hate him, just like he hates them. Hence the shyness.
Big hangouts
Man is a social being. When everyone around is anxious, he is also anxious. When others are having fun, he is also having fun. Hence the phenomenon of large parties - even if the soul is very painful, then a big cheerful company will fix it. Therefore, do not avoid collective fun, this is a very good way to get close to people who are not available "normally".Crystallize the image
Every person has something interesting. Try to notice what causes sincere interest from other people in your personality. Your parents? Your education? Your conviction? Your acquaintances? From such interesting moments and form your image. Try to introduce yourself to new acquaintances from this side.Hide your need for communication
If you are single, if it is very important for you to "talk with at least someone", then this should be hidden. People can be scared away or even pissed off if you impose your communication on them. In addition, you risk being in a stupid position. If you are hungry and walk around looking hungry, sooner or later you will be fed. But you will have to walk for a very long time with an expression of loneliness on your face in search of full communication. Continuation of the question of how to become sociable. Technique will help you better understand people, become more sociable. The association "people - doors" is used. The main thing you need to know and understand about communication.Instruction
It is difficult for a modest and reserved person to immediately become the soul of the company, but constant training will give results. You need to start by expanding your circle of acquaintances. When friends invite you to a party, do not refuse, because skills can only be obtained through personal contacts. Visit interest clubs, various lectures and seminars, it is very easy to find interlocutors in them.
Be positive, smile. A gloomy person is not interesting, but the brightness attracts attention. Learn to be kind in every situation. To work it out stands in front of a mirror so that it does not turn out to be a grimace, but a real joy. To make things easier, remember something very pleasant, and it will add sincerity to your smile. And try not to lose this state, every day stay in it more and more, and then it will become a part of your life.
Start reading. Many and different. The book significantly expands the horizons of a person, allows you to communicate on various topics. In addition, there is an expansion of vocabulary. If every day you devote a few minutes to books, then in a year you will speak much more interestingly, you will be able to keep up the conversation in a variety of circles. Choose texts that you like yourself, read about what is interesting. And others need it too, they will be happy to talk to you. But it’s better not just to retell what you read, but to have your own point of view, focusing on it.
Come up with a few phrases that will help in communication. For example, this is how they teach to communicate in a cold market, when strangers have to offer goods. These phrases start a dialogue, allow you to catch the eye of a person, to interest him. There are no standard expressions, everyone will have their own, depending on the sphere of communication. Each of them should be rehearsed in front of a mirror so that it all looks very natural.
A cheerful and sociable person knows how to tell a funny story or an anecdote. Find a few options that you like. Learn them and tell those closest to you first. It is important to consider intonation, and sometimes gestures. Maybe the first time it's funny and it won't work, but with experience it will come. Add one joke a week to your piggy bank, and in a year you will be a very cheerful person with whom it is simply impossible to get bored.
Surprisingly, sociable people are often called those who know how to listen. There are people who just need to talk. And in such a company, it would be more appropriate to just be silent and ask leading questions. This type of behavior is very useful, and if it works out, you will become the best conversationalist for many. The combination of optimism and the ability to listen is highly valued in today's society.
Sociability is a quality that helps to get acquainted, keep up a conversation, convince someone, make friends, find a common language with other people.
In order to communicate, it is not necessary to love people, be an extrovert and philanthropist and always take the first step in a conversation.
We have prepared simple practical tips on how to become a more sociable, charismatic and open person.
In the article we will show you how not to be afraid to “blurt out something wrong”, learn how to maintain a conversation without constantly glancing at the clock and not losing contact with friends.
What is communication and why is it needed?
"The only true luxury is the luxury of human interaction"
Antoine de Saint-Exupery once said. But what did he mean?
Sociability does not mean smiling at everyone you meet, but to the question: “How are you?” explain extensively the reasons for your ups and downs this week. A sociable person is not one who is happy to see everyone, chats with friends on the phone for three hours a day and instantly responds to every request.
Sociability is about something else: about how to find the right word at the right moment, how sometimes to remain silent instead of the stream of consciousness, how to pick up the key to a particular person.
Communication, the ability to “make contact” and get people talking is an important development. Without it, it is difficult to make friends, negotiate and get to know each other. On the other hand, without communication it is difficult to express oneself: to defend a point of view in a conversation, to convey a thought to superiors or subordinates, to resolve conflicts, to write poetry. It’s not always silently uploading photos to Instagram.
Do not worry if you do not consider yourself sociable and liberated. These skills are not given to everyone “by nature”. Only this is not a reason to burrow into a hole, get acquainted only on the Internet and never utter a word in the presence of a stranger.
It remains to take life into your own hands and develop communication skills on your own, as an adult.
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How to develop sociability?
First, think: why? Do you find it difficult to meet men in a cafe, but are you a great speaker on the Internet? Do not find common themes even with old friends? Do you shut up in a group of people because you feel uncomfortable? Do you find it difficult to express your thoughts to colleagues?
Be sure to find your “sore spot”. If you are so easy to talk with friends, you do not need to focus on this aspect. Choose for “pumping” the aspect in which you do not feel confident.
We have prepared severalgeneral recommendations to start.
Stop being afraid of getting rejected
Don't start a conversation because you're afraid of being rejected? But without making any attempt, youexactlydon't chat. Maybe the other person is also worried, but from the outside it seems unsociable and withdrawn?
If you decide to develop, you need to step over yourself, overcoming the usual scenarios of behavior. For example, keep silent, walk past a nice stranger at a bus stop, ignore a compliment on the street.
Ask yourself the question: what will I lose if they refuse me? Nothing. And you will gain new experience and courage.
Who knows how many times you've walked past the man of your dreams with your eyes downcast?
Control body language
Try to look more friendly. No need to cross your arms over your chest, bury your nose in looking at everything around and, even more so, at the phone.
A sullen face, frightened eyes and an attempt to hide behind accessories do not win anyone over.
When communicating with someone, whether it be a close friend or a salesperson in a store, discard the thoughts: “I want to be alone sooner.” People feel this mood and also close.
Feel free to talk about general topics
Someone will say: “Yes, this is talk about nothing ...”. But in the discussion of the weather, objects encountered and favorite films - the basis of communication. You will not approach a stranger with questions: “How many girls have you had and how do you feel about religion?”.
To get personal, you need to feel the interlocutor.
Ask open-ended questions
“Do you like cats?” is a bad question. “What are your favorite books?” is better. Giving a person the opportunity for a dry answer: “yes” or “no”, you drive yourself into a dead end.
On the other hand, if you see that the interlocutor is also confused and asks closed questions, try to add a story or clarification to them. “Yes, I love cats, but more dogs. I dream of getting a Labrador…”
Show Interest
To make the conversation exciting, it is important not only to be interesting in communication, but also to show curiosity.After all, this is not an interview, but a dialogue.Share personal information, but also ask the interlocutor about him. Everyone likes to talk about themselves, it is only important to find “the very topics” that a person will “turn on”, and he will no longer be stopped :).
Learn Sign Language
What does the ability to read people have to do with how to become a sociable person? Immediate. Communication with words is only the first level. Next comes the non-verbal component: gestures, postures, facial expressions, facial expressions... All this sometimes speaks more and more expressively about a person's condition than his words... And it helps us to understand what the interlocutor is now set to.
For example, if a person says that he is doing great, but his back is stooped, there is no smile, his eyes are clouded - a reason to think. He must be hiding his condition. What for? To not appear weak? Or thus, on the contrary, asks for support?
Knowing what a person really has inside, you can adjust your actions. Do not press, do not ask too much, be gentler and kinder.
If you are walking, and the interlocutor keeps looking at the clock, then either he is not interested, or he is in a hurry or waiting for an important call. In this case, you can proactively offer to say goodbye - and no one will be worse off from this.
How to become a more sociable and interesting woman?
Meet in restaurants, be the first to invite on dates and maintain relationships with friends and family? Is it so difficult, and what recommendations will help you not to close at home, but to go out?
invite people
To the cinema, to the theater, to a poetry evening, to a party, to lunch, to a concert of your favorite band, home for tea .. There are a huge number of options.
It's hard to get close to a person if you're always in the same environment (like at work). Seeing each other in formal attire and listening to a business tone, you will not get to know each other better.
Call for a walk people whose company you enjoy. Arrange meetings in places that are unusual for you, perhaps it is there that new qualities of the interlocutor will appear, and friendship will be strengthened.
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Accept invitations
How many times have you turned down a walk because you were afraid that communication would not work? How many times, lying on the couch at home, did you say: “Sorry, I’m busy today”? How many times have you turned down offers from almost strangers to meet for coffee?
If you want to become more liberated in communication, it's time to learn how to accept invitations. Yes, it can be exciting. Maybe the date will actually turn out to be terrible. But there you will at least try, and in a month you won’t bite your elbows: “What if I missed my man? ..”
Remember important dates
For example, about birthdays. Every person is pleased if he is congratulated. Some even consider it one of the important symbols of friendship. You can give small gifts to acquaintances with whom you want to become closer. They won't forget! Maybe they will congratulate you in return. And then the relationship will start.
Listen to the interlocutor
If in a conversation you constantly interrupt, offer your advice and comments and lives, even if you were not asked, it will be unpleasant for the interlocutor.
Sometimes people share problems not to hear criticism and “how to”, but simply to speak out.
The closer you are with a person, the softer and more gentle you need to manage. Why? Because he opens up for you, telling sometimes painful and difficult situations. At this point, the interlocutor is vulnerable.
Alas, in our society it is believed that “relatives will endure much more,” and problems can be dumped on them. But try to abandon this stereotype, for the sake of relatives, friends and loved ones.
In communication, you do not need to pull the blanket over yourself. How to notice that you are doing it? Listen to your speech. Do you often hear the phrase: “And I ...”?
Spend less time on social media
The more time you spend on the Internet, meeting and corresponding with people you have never seen, the less resource (power, time) you have left for reality.
But in the end, before going to bed, a feeling of fullness comes only after real communication. Do you agree?
Feel the distance
Each person always shows how comfortable it is for him to communicate now. If he takes “closed poses”: folds his arms on his chest, crosses his legs, constantly holds some object, move away a little.
When communicating with people you barely know, feel your boundary - personal space - do not approach and do not let anyone in at a distance closer than 30-50 centimeters.
Appreciate loved ones
Tell your loved ones and friends how much you appreciate them. Hug, praise, compliment, help. People are always open to responsiveness, sincerity and love.
In the end, don't you want the same warm attitude towards yourself?
Develop as a person
To become a more sociable and interesting person, you need to develop.
- Find a hobby that fires you up. It can always be discussed with the interlocutor.
- Read more books, news in the field you are interested in - technology, cinema, fashion, relationships.
- Expand your horizons. If you know that your new friend is interested in cars, also read a couple of articles at your leisure;).
- Develop wit and a sense of humor. It is not always necessary to be a serious and correct person!
conclusions
Sociability, emancipation, openness - depends on your development and intention. Become more self-confident, communicate with those who are congenial and pleasant to you, be less afraid of rejection or an unsuccessful meeting.
Mistakes happen to everyone, but negative experiences are also experiences.
Smile at people, try to be the best for yourself and take the first step more boldly! Everything will work out!
Everyone has faced a situation in life when a conversation with other people does not stick or constantly comes to a standstill. How to learn to keep a conversation and become more sociable and improve sociability?
How to develop communication skills
Simple but very effective tips are for those who want to be the soul of the company, control the course of the conversation, stop being shy or get into awkward situations.
Keep calm
Don't panic or worry about the silence in the air. This is not the time to feel guilty. "Calm, only calm!" - this is the main thing that is required in the current situation. No need to fiddle with clothes, scratch your forehead, run around with your eyes, sigh and crawl in a chair. Be calm and confident. With this behavior, you send a signal to the interlocutor that you do not mind communicating with him further. Very often you don't even have to do anything else - the conversation will improve by itself.
By the way, there are times when you don't have to talk all the time. For example, you are driving a car or you are near the driver. If you're on an airplane, you don't have to talk all the time. There are many topics for an interesting conversation, but sometimes you need to pause. Feel the fine line between sociability and intrusiveness.
Suggest new topics for conversation
If you talk on one topic for a long time or discuss second news, then sooner or later the conversation will stop. Take matters into your own hands and throw in new topics of conversation. The main thing is that they should be interesting to you and you should understand them at least a little. If you are not an art lover, then it will be extremely difficult to talk about the past exhibition of paintings. Most likely, the conversation will become a monologue of another person, if painting is close to him, or will stop again.
You can talk about a recently read book, an interesting movie, world news, parenting, cooking, pets, travel. The main thing is that you should have at least a minimal idea of what you are going to discuss.
Defuse the situation
You communicate on an interesting topic and feel great. Suddenly, one of the interlocutors makes a joke that does not seem funny to someone at all, but someone finds it rude or vulgar. Instantly everyone falls silent and an oppressive silence hangs in the air. One gets the impression that people have not talked about anything before.
