Feb. 22nd, 2009 | 08:40 p.m.
music: Deuter-Nada Hymalaya 2 - Yantra

looking for myself...

I read different articles, because I am very interested in why people very often talk about themselves in the third person. Is it possible to abstract your personality? What are the reasons behind this? What to do with it?
For example, I am not comfortable with the fact that a person speaks of himself as of someone else .. This is connected with some kind of fears, probably. Or as it is written below - humiliation of oneself, associating oneself with a student, servant, child .. Can this be seen as a manifestation of immaturity? Or am I exaggerating and tying the concept of a human personality to some clear factors, which is not worth doing? Maybe it's the other way around, a manifestation of the multidimensional personality? Her unselfishness?

Well, what should I think if a person tells me: "Vasya wants to eat, Dasha is fine, Lucy misses you" and so on.? Especially if he/she talks about himself?

For me, it sounds like a suppression of one's personality, an old self-expression.
Or maybe I'm wrong? Please share your thoughts on this.

"... In classical Latin, the word" Ego "was used to emphasize the significance of a person and contrast it with others. Like a direct look into the eyes, which in many animals serves as a sign of challenge, and in people it is carefully regulated (subjects were often forbidden to raise their eyes to their sovereign ; to this day is considered indecent and provocative to look into the eyes of a stranger), addressing in the first person, regardless of its content, has a tinge of self-affirmation. To avoid the confrontation associated with this, a system of language rituals was developed, in particular an indirect form of address when , who is addressed is called in the third person or descriptively ("my sovereign", "signor", etc.). Reverence in addressing the highest is complemented by derogatory epithets in relation to oneself: instead of "I" they say, for example, "most humble servant", "unworthy slave".

This "ceremonial speech" or "language of titles" has an ancient tradition and is present in all languages. Its forms are especially sophisticated in the languages ​​of the peoples of Southeast Asia. In Chinese and Vietnamese, it is generally not customary to talk about oneself in the first person: instead of "I", it is supposed to indicate the relationship in which the speaker is to the interlocutor. "The custom of speaking of oneself in the third person reproduces, down to the details, the existing social hierarchy. The individual thus endlessly reminds himself that in the face of his king he is a subject, in the face of a teacher - a student, in front of an elder - a junior, etc. He , so to speak, does not exist except in connection with another. His "I" is consistently identified with his many family and social roles "21.
..."

I.S.Kon "In Search of Yourself"

reasons (observations):

1. Rejection, rejection of oneself. Childhood and youth trauma. The desire to be different. To be loved and respected.
2.

Parents always have a reason to worry. It would seem that quite recently the child did not speak at all, and now, the long-awaited “breakthrough” has come and the baby is constantly trying to tell you something. But for some reason he speaks about himself as if from the outside: "Dima is thirsty" or "Katya put on a dress." Is this normal, and if so, up to what age? How to teach a child to talk about himself, like an adult - "I"? And what if the baby calls himself “I”, but at the same time confuses the endings, saying “did” instead of “did”?

When does a child start talking about himself in the third person?

Everyone knows that young children often refer to themselves in the third person. Psychologists attribute this to an unformed awareness of oneself as a separate person, or an incomplete self-identification.

Parents can't wait to teach the baby to speak, and they focus his attention on the simplest and most important words: "mom, dad" and, of course, the name of the child himself. It is known that the first words in children are those that they hear most often. In the mind of the crumbs, images of loved ones and an understanding of his name are fixed. He can point to his own reflection in the mirror, calling himself, for example, "lyalei" or his own name. At one and a half to two years, phrasal speech is formed, and the baby begins to combine words into simple sentences. It was at this time that children began to use phrases like “Take Katya in your arms” in speech.

Self-identification, or awareness of the child of his "I"

The child realizes himself as a person gradually. It is believed that only by their own third birthday, children are psychologically "separated", or separated, from their mother. Of course, this is not a one-time process, but usually it is at the age of 3 that there is a crisis of self-awareness as a person. The kid begins to understand that he is not part of his mother, not some abstract boy or girl, but “I”. He confidently asserts "I want", "Give me". At the age of three, children persistently defend their independence, which can be expressed in whims, negativism, stubbornness, disobedience.

If the child talks about himself in the second person

From about the middle of the third year of life to 3 years, all babies go through a certain stage of self-awareness. The vocabulary is actively replenished, the child, like a sponge, absorbs everything that he hears. Some children to the question: “Do you want to drink?” answer: "Would you like?" This is normal for children in their third year of life, but experts say that this should not happen at the age of three. The speech of a three-year-old is quite understandable even for outsiders, is well-structured and contains the designation of himself as "I". If your child has deviations from these norms, we recommend that you contact a specialist (neurologist, psychologist).

Until what age do children talk about themselves in the third person?

In almost all families where there are small children, it is customary to talk to them in a certain way: “Now Mom will dress Vova, and Vova will go for a walk”; “Did Masha like porridge?”; “Mom and dad will buy a doll for Dasha.” Such treatment is somewhat justified with babies who are several months old. But mothers get used to this “detached” image so much that they continue to talk about themselves in the third person and with two-year-olds, and what’s there - sometimes with four-year-old children! It is not surprising that children, learning from adults, begin to repeat after them: “Give Katya an apple” or “Sasha wants to take a walk.” Parents find it cute and even funny, but up to a certain age. If a child speaks well, but calls himself by his first name, this cuts the ear somewhat.

Children usually stop talking about themselves in the third person by about 3 years of age. Psychologists explain this "revolution" of children's speech by growing up and emerging self-awareness. However, there are examples of families in which children were never spoken about in a detached way, in the third person, and were always addressed as other people: “Do you want to go for a walk?”, “What toy do you like best?”, “I’ll put on your pants now ". Otherwise, the upbringing of these kids was no different from the upbringing in ordinary families: they were just as strongly taken care of, their independence was not particularly encouraged. Surprisingly, such children not only never spoke of themselves in the third person, but the “crisis of 3 years” did not manifest itself in them at all. There was no stubbornness, no negativism, no emphasized “I myself!”.

From the above example, it becomes clear: the problem with the transition from the third person to the first person in designating oneself may well be caused by an incorrect appeal to the baby by adults. Imagine yourself in the place of a child! When talking to him, mom calls herself mom, dad calls herself dad, and grandma calls herself grandma. And when communicating with each other, parents talk about themselves in a completely different way. To the child himself, even in questions, they turn: “Does Dasha want to eat?”. So the baby has to independently readjust to "adult" speech, simultaneously experiencing the notorious self-identification. Maybe you should not complicate the life of your children?

Some psychologists generally do not recommend using the designation of yourself and the child in the third person in your speech. In this way, you will increase the chances of raising him independent, confident, active and sociable. If for you the appeal to “you” and “I” is an impossible task, we recommend that you at least listen to how you speak to the baby. Try to "dilute" the third person first. Talk about yourself "I'm cooking dinner" rather than "Mom is cooking dinner." This will definitely help your child get closer to "normal" speech.

A child (boy) speaks of himself in the feminine gender: is this normal?

It often happens that boys refer to themselves in the feminine gender. Hearing phrases from the lips of a small son: “I ate”, “I played”, “I took” to my mother is somewhat strange, and even scary for some. Girls are somewhat less likely to talk about themselves in the masculine gender, and usually parents are not so worried. The reason for such confusion is banal: the boy spends a lot of time with his mother, grandmother or sister and simply copies them. Girls talk about themselves as a boy less often, because usually education is still a woman's business. The exception is when a girl grows up with one dad or spends a lot of time with her brothers.

Do not scold your son (or daughter) for the “wrong” pronunciation. Don't focus on this at all. Just keep calling the baby normally, according to his gender. If the son says: “I HAVE built the road”, answer: “Show me what road you have built! What a great builder you are!” Emphasize in conversations with your child the difference in the behavior of men and women. Show joy if your son helped you: “You are a real man, you help a woman!” And do not perceive temporary difficulties with sexual self-identification in a child as a problem.

When does a child start talking about himself in the first person and when is it time to worry?

Parents whose babies speak well, but constantly refer to themselves in the third person, are undoubtedly interested in the question: "When does the child begin to talk about himself" I "?".

As mentioned above, children usually stop talking about themselves in a detached way by the age of three.

If your child at 3 years old still talks about himself in the third person, do not rush to panic, but listen to your own speech. Maybe it's time to stop underestimating your baby and start treating him like an adult.

At 4 years old, rare children talk about themselves in the third person. If your baby is one of these children, do not rush to consider this a sign of autism. Perhaps adults themselves confuse the child by speaking incorrectly. Plus, most likely, he has not yet fully passed the stage of self-identification. However, it still does not hurt to consult a child psychologist and defectologist.

Forming a correct perception of oneself is an important part of the life of a small child. We wish you to go through this period easily and do not forget that the baby is very smart and receptive to the speech of adults.

Post date: 16.12.2009 13:45

Tatiana

My friend often refers to himself in the third person. For example: “The cat is hot today. The cat got sick today (fell, sad, etc.) The cat is a nickname. What can this mean? How does it characterize this person?

Post date: 17.12.2009 00:46

Margarita Vladimirovna

I like the psychologist N. Kozlov, he conducted an exercise in which people spoke about themselves in various persons and numbers, this is what he said about people who spoke about themselves in the third person singular:
"When a person talks about himself in the third person singular, he finds that it becomes surprisingly easy to joke about himself, it is surprisingly easy to clearly and distinctly explain what he wants and what he will do - from the outside he really knows better, it's easy for him to talk, difficult moments in relationships with subordinates, not getting involved in feelings, but remaining within the framework of a common cause and a common goal.
But he says this as part of a special exercise.

I have several points of view on this issue:
1) just kidding;

3) a person wants to look at himself from the outside;
4) the desire to draw attention to his person, an extraordinary appeal to himself.

Post date: 17.12.2009 09:12

Sergey

The roof just goes.

Post date: 17.12.2009 12:12

Sergei, why so categorically? Don't you have "cockroaches" in your head?

Tatyana, sometimes I talk about myself in the third person. After analyzing why this happens, I realized that I was doing this:
1) for self-irony;
2) when I have strong feelings that I want to discuss with the one to whom I feel them.
In both cases, it is much easier to say so.

Post date: 17.12.2009 15:29

Tatiana

I think there are 2 options:
1) self-irony
2) he has an internal conflict, a lack of attention in childhood, a lack of some third person in the child's life (possibly an incomplete family);

Post date: 23.12.2009 15:57

Avdeev Sergey

Wolf Messing spoke of himself in the third person! "Wolf wants tea..." Perhaps genius, perhaps... not. Only a timely appeal to a specialist can prevent .... or develop ....
If this is an adult, then perhaps avoiding responsibility.
Anything can be assumed and proven.
I think that every person has the right to have his own "quirk" or his own picture of the world. For others, it can strain, delight or make laugh .... Choose ...

Post date: 21.03.2010 11:29

Evgenia

And for me it comes from embarrassment, when I want to avoid numerous "I" and seem immodest.

Post date: 08.06.2010 23:45

Evgeniy

Gaius Julius Caesar wrote an autobiographical book, The Life of Caesar. He wrote it about himself beloved, but in the third person. As a result, this led to the fact that the text is perceived as more reliable and objective - after all, this assessment was given by someone from the outside, and not by the author himself. Perhaps the Cat is as wise as Caesar.

Post date: 18.08.2010 16:21

Sasha

I have a habit of talking about myself in the 3rd person, and about myself in old age. I call myself Baba Shura. I myself do not understand why ... How can this be interpreted?

Post date: 23.12.2010 17:27

12312

complete nonsense. This forum is bullshit!

Post date: 30.12.2010 00:09

Nastya

I also sometimes talk about myself in the 3rd person.
At this point I:
1) or resolve a difficult situation (because I am a person who falls from one extreme to another) and there is no one to help me.
2) Either I want to show a person about pride (although there is none), only if he is not pleasant to me and I want to push him away.

Post date: 24.01.2011 08:48

Anna

In my opinion, talking about yourself in the third person is quite normal, there is nothing special about it at all. In this way, we avoid these multiple "I", and in general it is easier to assess the situation

Post date: 07.02.2011 00:40

Ndrey

Listen to psychologists, and if a person says about himself that he is so "good, literate, handsome, and, moreover, a professional in his profession," then what does he want, or subconsciously wants, to show his subordinates?!!! How to respond to such "nonsense" - send it somewhere further or keep silent in a rag? The second is not particularly acceptable, because. there is dignity, and to send is tantamount to dismissal.

Post date: 22.03.2011 15:03

shizzska

2 Ndrey.
Psychologists do not have telepathy, and do not understand what the word "nonsense" means to you, so you should not be treated so dismissively, I'm sure you don't like it when you are treated like that either. I think you should describe the situation in more detail.

I have the same problem, my father is a very egocentric person, that is, he does whatever he wants, whenever he wants, he constantly yells at family members, while pointing his finger at himself and says how unfucked, handsome and a master of all trades, moreover when we asked to demonstrate his abilities, he politely refuses. The only argument in proving his case is the foam flying from the mouth. In reality, in raising us (I am the younger brother of 19 years old, the eldest 27) did not take any part, not counting the beating and screaming. Mmm, I don’t know how to put pressure on my father so that he understands that besides him there are many other people in the house who also have an opinion.

At the moment, there are disputes between physicians about whether to understand sluggish schizophrenia as a form of a classic disease, or to single it out as an independent nosological unit. This question came up because the symptoms of this disease are rather abstract, and can describe an absolutely healthy person with a special character. For example, eccentricity and a strange appearance are the most important manifestation of this disease, but how then to distinguish representatives of different subcultures (reperi, emo, goths, rockers, hippies, etc.) from patients. In other words, where is the line between normality and latent schizophrenia, and who defines it?

Clinical picture of the disease

As a rule, this type of schizophrenia can begin to manifest itself at the age of 20-30 years, but an accurate and complete diagnosis is usually made only at the age of 40. At the same time, signs of illness are possible even at an early age, when the child unreasonably performs strange actions, for example, does homework only in the kitchen, or loves raisins, but never eats them in buns. It can be called a quirk if the child can explain why he does it, even if this explanation is illogical. If the child says “I don’t know”, this may indicate some prerequisites. It is also common to talk about yourself in the third person.

It is important that people with low-grade schizophrenia are aware of changes in their emotional and mental functioning, and can appear very welcoming if desired, but this is usually a short-term mask.

However, if a person is distinguished by composure, indifference to the problems of loved ones, and at the same time can not “remove” a smile for a long time, then psychologists say that such a person has schizophrenia bordering on sociopathy.

Signs of the disease

According to the latest data, such schizophrenia is observed in 10-15% of people on the planet, and in most cases this disease is inherited. Among the main signs, doctors distinguish the following:

• isolation and unwillingness to enter into social contacts;
• very narrow circle of communication;
• very narrow circle of communication;
• eccentric behavior and a rather rude reaction to some external manifestations - fleetingly spoken words, inappropriate posters, etc.);
• suspicion, distrust, unwillingness to work in a group and team;
• a combination of stereotypical thinking with rich imagination, leading to the appearance of illusions.

Of course, the list of such signs is quite large, and literally a coincidence with 3-4 points may indicate the presence of a latent form of the disease.

The Importance of Obsessions

I would like to pay special attention to the presence of obsessions that may be accompanied by various syndromes - the same syndrome of obsessive movements, when a person opens the door with only his left hand, or bypasses the post only on the right side, etc. Some kind of obsession enters a person's life so much that patients explain it as just a habit. It can be a desire to constantly clean, or wash windows every last Thursday of the month. Surprisingly, for the sake of fulfilling an established idea, a person is even ready to take time off from work, which may indicate that the disease is progressing.

I would like to draw attention to the fact that more than 60% of famous scientists by all indications suffered from this form of schizophrenia. Their obsession was science, for the sake of which they stopped thinking about everyday goods.

A striking example is the famous mathematician Perelman, who solved the Poincaré problem and refused a million dollar reward, because the task itself was important for him, and not profit. Another example is Isaac Newton, who was distinguished by a terribly harmful and malicious character, unwillingness to often communicate with colleagues and exorbitant self-centeredness. What can we say about the closed Tesla or the strange behavior of Einstein.

Of course, this does not mean that sluggish schizophrenia is a sign of genius, because the above scientists have made large-scale efforts to achieve success in the scientific field. But only one disease can lead to serious mental disorders, so it is necessary to take up its treatment. But since in this case there are no serious symptoms in the form of delusional hallucinations and socially dangerous actions, doctors usually prescribe only antipsychotics and sometimes psychoanalysis sessions.