You don’t know which address to choose when meeting a new person, or do you want to understand when you can switch to “you” in communication? The rules of speech etiquette will come to the rescue, explaining when and what kind of appeal is more appropriate to apply.

The reforms of Peter 1 brought into our speech the use of "You", borrowed by him from European culture. The innovation that came from the West took root for a long time, but now we don’t even remember that it has non-Russian roots.

"you" and "you" forms

Having studied the basics of speech etiquette, you can get accurate recommendations for using the appeals "you" or "you".

When it is necessary to address the interlocutor on "You"

The use of "you" emphasizes formality and respect for the interlocutor, and is regulated by specific rules of etiquette.

1. If you need to turn to an unfamiliar or complete stranger, for example: “Could you tell me if I filled out the application correctly?”.
2. If the interlocutor is familiar to you, but he is older than you. In this case, it is useful to know a few additional conditions. It is more appropriate to supplement the appeal with the name and patronymic of those interlocutors who are over 25 years old: “Fyodor Petrovich, you understand how important this is for me!”. And if your partner is younger, then we add only the name: “Fedor, you know how I would like to solve this problem!”.
3. The formality of the situation, requiring to build communication at work on "you". We list the main situations in which it is necessary to comply with this requirement of etiquette:

• communication with colleagues, even if informal relations have developed between them, in the presence of third parties, including when participating in meetings, symposiums and round tables and seminars;
• in the interaction of the buyer and the seller, the doctor and the patient, the driver and the passenger;
• in the work of a teacher or teacher when referring to middle and high school students and students.

When to capitalize when referring to "you" in writing

Separately, we denote the rules that apply when using "you" in written speech. Even if the conversational style is chosen, etiquette prescribes addressing the recipients with “You”, thereby emphasizing respect for them. But if at the same time neither the number of people who will read the text, nor their names and surnames are known, then in this case we will write the appeal with a small letter. An example is any appeal of the author to the reader in the article. If the addressee is known, then the use of a capital letter is mandatory, for example, when writing a letter to a specific person.

When can you use "you"

“You” is a colloquial form of address to well-known people, indicating the presence of close relationships, although if it is used in relation to a stranger, this will be perceived either as disrespect for him, or as bad manners of the addressee and a gross violation of the requirements of etiquette.

"You" can be addressed to a colleague, friend, children and is regulated by the rules of speech etiquette in the following cases:

1. Appeal in the family to relatives and household members, regardless of their age. Today, the tradition of addressing children to their parents with “you” is practically lost.
2. An informal setting in which colleagues and colleagues can afford to use the colloquial "you".
3. Appeal to children under 9 years of age.
4. friends, colleagues, buddies or peers.

Transition from "you" to "you" and from "you" to "you"

Speech etiquette helps to find answers to questions about how it is possible to replace the appeal to “You” with its colloquial version of “you” in the process of communication.

Rules for the transition from "you" to "you"

Most often, this is possible when the situation allows you to switch to an informal version of communication. The main requirement in such a transition is to obtain permission from the interlocutor to use "you" as a less formal option.

The basic rules for the transition from "you" to "you", regulated by speech etiquette:

• The proposal to switch to “you” should come from the older interlocutor to the younger one, to whom the right to accept or reject such an offer passes.
• In communication between a man and a woman, etiquette requires the woman to be the first to offer the transition to “you” to her interlocutor. This rule is not always followed, but this does not mean that it does not exist.

When is it possible to switch from "you" to "you"

The reverse transition means that the interlocutors have changed the conditions of communication. For example:

• Communication partners have deteriorated relations, and now they need to emphasize the formality of communication.
• Relatives, when they come to work, change “you” to “you”, thereby trying to demonstrate to colleagues the lack of close relationships.
• Well-known people find themselves in situations or meetings, or are at work in relation to each other employees who are not equal in status, but, for example, a leader and subordinates. Among colleagues, referring to "You", they show the ability to separate friendships and working relationships.

Knowing the rules of speech etiquette and following them, each person will be able to improve his interaction with others and not get into situations in which he will be considered an ignorant or insufficiently educated person.

In our country, it is customary to address “you” to any stranger or unfamiliar person, regardless of his age and social status. The exception, perhaps, is children. Here opinions differ. Some believe that only an adult citizen is “worthy” of the appeal “You”, while others argue that children after 9 years old, especially in an official setting (in a classroom, for example), should be addressed exclusively to “You” - this helps to form young man's sense of self-respect.

In a formal setting, the appeal to "you" is also accepted among people who are well acquainted with each other. This allows you to emphasize the business nature of communication, create a more serious and strict atmosphere. So, for schoolchildren, for example, it is strange to hear when teachers within the walls of an educational institution address each other as “you” in their presence.

An appeal to “you” and to older people is accepted, regardless of the circumstances. The exceptions, perhaps, are members of the same family and cases where people with a large age difference are very close friends. Although for many such exceptions are unacceptable: there are families in which even mother and father are treated with respect for “you”.

In other cases, the choice of the form of address remains quite free, but for some there is still a certain barrier in the transition from “you” to “you”. Some may perceive the change of official address to informal one too quickly as disrespectful to themselves, while for others, the appeal to “You” seems too cumbersome, and they are unpleasant to hear it addressed to them.

When to switch to "you"

If you feel that your relationship with a person from the “official” area is moving into a less formal one, if it is easy and pleasant for you to communicate with him, and you feel that the interlocutor has similar feelings for you, you can directly invite him to switch to “you”, especially if he is the same age and gender as you. As a rule, such an offer is not rejected.

When communicating between a man and a woman, the transition from “you” to “you” should occur only at the initiative of the woman, especially if this relationship is not business, but friendly or even more than just friendly. The fact is that women feel the degree of intimacy with a man more sharply, and a sensitive and polite gentleman will allow his lady to move on to a more confidential treatment of “you” when she herself is ready for this. True, many believe that in a business setting such conventions are inappropriate, and both a woman and a man can initiate the transition to “you” between colleagues.

The appeal to “you” in relation to subordinates or people of a lower social status, and even dependent on you in some way, can be perceived by the latter as a manifestation of “nobility”, disrespect for their personality, and very painfully hit their pride. On the other hand, a person who is in a subordinate position is unlikely to offer to switch to “you” himself, fearing to show disrespect or be considered ignorant. In such cases, the transition from "you" to "you" is hardly justified. An exception may be situations where, due to various circumstances, trusting and informal relations develop between these people.

The appeal to "you" provides for the free and familiar nature of communication with a person. However, such a transition is not always appropriate. In addition, communication in personal tones should be convenient for both interlocutors.

The transition to "you" according to the rules of etiquette

Older people should be addressed with "you", because they have more life experience, and such an address is a sign of respect for them. Also, “you” is used to refer to those who are higher in position or rank, which allows you to create strong business relationships. There are other cases of such treatment, which will be discussed below.

It is customary to communicate on “you” in society between people of the same age, social and business status. At the same time, the important point is that the interlocutors should know each other well, that is, be on friendly terms. You should correctly determine the moment at which you can switch to “you” in communication with a person. Usually it comes when you feel that it is easy for you to communicate with the interlocutor, you always find a common language, do not feel embarrassed. Please note that in accordance with the rules of etiquette, during communication between a man and a woman, it is the latter who should be the initiator of the transition to “you”. Thus, she shows her trust in a man and a desire to make communication closer.

Ways to transition to "you"

Before moving on to personal communication, ask the person for permission to do this, for example, “Let me go to“ you ”?”. If the formal phase has dragged on for a long time, and you feel a kindred spirit in this person, you can say more simply, for example, “come on“ you ”?”. At the same time, first think carefully about whether the interlocutor will be against this. Even if you feel comfortable in the conversation, he may also feel some awkwardness. Try to recognize his emotions and understand their attitude towards you.

There is no exact opinion as to when it is best to switch to “you”. In some cases, this requires communicating with a person for days or even months in an official tone, while in others, the transition is made in the first minutes of the conversation. Most likely, you yourself will feel this moment intuitively.

If you doubt that it is worth switching to "you", do not rush to do it. In Russia, it is customary to address all strangers as "you". If you make a mistake and switch to a familiar tone of communication too abruptly, you run the risk of showing rudeness to your interlocutor. It may seem to him that by doing this you want to demonstrate your superiority over him or show neglect. Therefore, further communication may no longer work out properly.

Leopard: Guys often have a technical question: "How to go from "You" to "You" in talking to a girl"? The answer to it is super simple, but let's analyze the nuances that arise in this case.

Why.

Why is it sometimes necessary to start a conversation with meeting a girl to "you"? Because sometimes, if you immediately "poke", a decent girl feels as if "wounded by familiarity", which can result in her annoyed answer or avoiding the conversation. "Don't poke me!"

And in the future, "knocking out" can be stressful for the interlocutors, because they believe that an overly formal address will prevent them from finding a common language. Or it seems to an older interlocutor that he (she) is treated like an ancient ruin.

Myth: Referring to "You" moves a woman away from you, and "You" brings her closer.

You.

There are times when "poking out" really crap all the raspberries. Let's imagine a young girl who got a job at a company and she has a lot of business communication with serious clients. With them, she uses the pronoun ... of course, "you."

Example: Once a young man met a woman at a business lunch. I got to know each other rather casually, I must say, and this met with understanding. She gave a work phone number and expressed her hope. "What to ring, if near," he decided tomorrow and went for her at the end of the working day. She was delighted to see the young man, her eyes sparkled, but due to the fact that such a corporate culture was adopted in the company, they had to call each other on "You" as they walked through the office to her office, in which, by the way, others The employees were absent that day.

But in that minute, until they were face-to-face, a TRANSFORMATION had already happened to her, which spoiled everything acquaintance. She began to talk to him, as if he were some kind of uncle-client: all these protocol intonations ... shy away from any hints of the evening, etc. Probably, this is exactly how she behaves with numerous uncles-clients, and she does the right thing - this is an emerging business professionalism. And with the guys, she can allow herself to be cheeky.

But she just forgot what it was about in the first place! That word "you" evoked such role-playing behavior in her. And the contrast turned out to be unpleasant. Then this role-playing behavior had to be beaten out of her for a long time. Of course, the matter was complicated by what was happening at her place of work ... Docking there in general was like climbing into a dragon's lair. But in any other location, "poking out" would have a similar effect.

Well, think for yourself - who else can a girl call "you"? Some Dumb Friends of the Pope and boring old ladies. In youth films about love, beautiful boys are called "You". What is it called - "social learning" ... "imitation"?

But becoming a little older, the girl learns to tear the soles on the go and glue the men under the guise of business communication. Formal style no longer interferes with her meet with them, carefully study the interlocutor as man, try it on yourself ... And sometimes it is very convenient to combine both for conspiracy - for the ears.

It comes to the fact that with some business ladies about 25-28 years old and above, without material problems, very well познакомиться precisely in a dry and stiff manner. You can invite her to a "business lunch" to discuss "collaboration opportunities." If she is able to read between the lines, she will appreciate the irony, and this will give you both experienced and competent players. And during the "business breakfast" you can raise the issue of "extension of the agreement." And at the second meeting - about "expanding the range of services."

If she initially asked with bewilderment: " Uh... What other collaboration?"- you know what to do. Another type! Don't be smart. "Let's drink a glass!"

Who.

Appeal depends on the age of the interlocutor. The following simple rule is most adapted to social standards:

Closer to 30 and above - mostly "you";

25 ... 30 - rather "you" than "you";

20...25 - rather "You" than "You";

Less than 20 - almost always "You".

Comments:

a). Your age doesn't matter.

b). The more witty and cheeky it is, the more preferable is "You".

in). Cases were recorded when a young man called woman older to "you" after a decent amount of time after acquaintance, even after the start of regular intimate relationships. Like it flattered her, and she felt like a Woman.

Where.

The above rule applies dating to the street and in any everyday public places. However, some locations make their own adjustments. A classical music concert or an official presentation is preferable to "You". A nightclub or a beach is preferable to "You".

How.

And actually switch from "you" to "you" with meeting a girl extremely simple. Approximately 3-5 first phrases turn to “You”, and then carelessly and innocently switch to “You”. As a rule, this will suit the interlocutor. She herself can go if she likes you, that is. In most cases.

If you made it to pick up the phone with "You" - this is normal. But call already on "You", and further too. She still won't remember what you called her.

You again.

By the way. "You" does not separate the woman from you, but ... you from the woman. And sometimes it's good! You keep your distance and demonstrate that you are not in a hurry to get closer, you are not looking for acceptance and approval. This is sexy.

Yunitsy.

For the reasons described above, girls under 20 should not be addressed as "you". For them, it's like a red rag! Adolescence does not forgive politeness and romanticism. Except, she's just a blue stocking.

If the young woman objects to you - " And why on "You"?, answer severely - "Because I'm older than you. Here you can call me "you".

If you chose a stunning outfit for your first date and booked a table at the best restaurant in the city, this does not guarantee that everything will go smoothly. In order not to lose face, remember the elementary rules of behavior. Which ones, tells teacher-consultant on etiquette and business protocol Tatyana Nikolaeva.

1. When it comes to a date, the proposal to switch to “you” should come from a man, although in ordinary life only a senior in etiquette has the right to initiate it. And the eldest is always the woman. How this rule works in everyday life: if we are talking about a girl and an elderly lady, then it is the latter who has the right to offer to switch to “you”. If we are talking about a man and a woman (let’s say they are neighbors), then only the woman offers to switch to “you”. But, as I said, this rule works differently in romantic situations.

2. In no case should a man be late for a meeting. A woman in this matter can afford some liberties and come a little later than the appointed time, but no more than 15 minutes.

3. An invitation to a date should only come from a man. The only thing a lady can afford is to slightly push a potential gentleman to a date. But at the same time, she must organize everything so that he does not even suspect her of this.

4. No need to call a woman on a first date in a restaurant, especially in an expensive and pretentious one. You can embarrass her with such a gesture. The best option is a walk, a joint visit to the exhibition. You should have time to socialize and get to know each other better. Food distracts from such things.

5. Offering a lady to split the bill is indecent. But, alas, no one is safe from such things, so there should always be funds in a woman's handbag so that, if necessary, you yourself can pay your part of the check.

6. If a man nevertheless made a date in a restaurant, you don’t need to show off and order the most expensive dishes for yourself, stick to the golden mean in this matter.

7. The gentleman, of course, can give the lady flowers. But at the same time, you need to consider where the first date will take place. If you are going to sit in a restaurant, the bouquet will not give your companion any trouble. When it comes to a walk or a joint visit to the exhibition, it is better to abandon this idea. Especially if you originally planned to capture the imagination of a woman and give her a hundred roses. It is most appropriate in such situations to present a bouquet at the end of a date or at the beginning, provided that you have called for a girl, because she will have the opportunity to leave your present at home. I also want to tell the ladies that there is nothing wrong with your gentleman coming without flowers.

8. A man is not required to pick up a woman before a date. Still, it’s not the 19th century in the yard, when a lady could not appear alone in a public place.

9. If you already answer calls and SMS during a date, keep it short and to the point. If the question is not particularly urgent, then completely wait with the answer or give it when the lady comes out to powder her nose. The same rule applies to women.

10. There are a number of so-called "explosive" topics that are best avoided on a first date: politics, religion, sports (if you support different teams), bad news (such as terrorist attacks), past relationships, questions about marriage (marriage), etc. e. On the other hand, questions about marital status are quite appropriate. Build a conversation as if you were walking on thin ice: first we feel with a foot and only then we step.

11. During parting, a well-mannered man should say when he next calls. But not just “let's call”, but to specify, for example, “I will call tomorrow evening”. I note that, according to etiquette, a woman should not call the gentleman herself, no matter how much she wants to.

12. After a date, a man must either personally escort the lady to the door of her house, or call a taxi. At the same time, ask her to call you when she gets there, or call yourself to make sure everything is in order. A taxi, like all other expenses (according to the rules of etiquette), must be paid by a man. No one has canceled this, despite any feminism.

13. If during the date you realized that you are not suitable for each other, you need to bring the evening to its logical conclusion. And the next day, call or, if you do not have the courage, write SMS. At the same time, use phrases that will not offend a person. “You don’t suit me” is not a good option. Better “thank you, but I realized that you deserve a better man” or “we are different people, I don’t think that something will work out for us.”