I recently realized that I am a bad person. I had never thought about myself from this point of view before, I considered myself good and kind, because everyone around me said so - my sister, parents, grandparents. But now, having matured, I realized that this is all a lie.
Hello! I am 21 years old. It’s hard to realize this, but I seem to myself a bad person - and the worst thing is that I can’t tell anyone about this, because my relatives will start to convince me. I realized this after I almost cheated on my good friend's boyfriend for the new year. There was no eroticism of the situation, but without a twinge of conscience I went to bed with him so as not to feel so lonely. While doing this, I did not even realize how badly I was doing. A friend found out about everything, and now I can’t find a place for myself. The bad thing is that I can’t adequately apologize to her when we are with her, I don’t give a damn, and when I’m alone, I start to cry. I am annoyed by my friends, with whom I have been friends for 10 years. I realize that I love them, but I can't express it and I get annoyed all the time. I feel like I can't love. I never had normal relationships with guys, I met scumbags who fueled my interest with indifference, but there was no love. I am always angry at everyone, I carefully hide it, but everything inside irritates me, every movement of my loved ones. Inside myself, at the same time, I notice their misdeeds, shortcomings, I hate them for it. I like to tease people, joke evilly about mistakes, I don’t know how to support them in a difficult situation. It seems to me that my friends enrage me even more, because they begin to understand who is next to them. After a couple of things like that, they see who I really am, and it annoys me. I am very selfish, in any situation I think only about myself, how to benefit from the circumstances, I want to communicate only with people who can benefit. I can’t fully open up to people, I didn’t understand why before, but now I clearly see that I have nothing good inside, I have nothing to give people - no love, no compassion, just indifference. It seems that soon everyone around will understand what I am, and I will be left alone. I didn’t have a boyfriend for 2 years, because I can’t let anyone close to me, and I know that I can’t give a person anything. I'm afraid of a repetition of the situation - they will love me, but I will be cold, mock a person, manipulate him and hate myself more and more because of such behavior. Never before could I understand why I can’t love myself and accept myself with all the shortcomings - and now it’s clearly visible - I’m a bad person, and no one will ever love this. And this happens to everything, I feel very bad about it. Help! I don't know what to do or who to contact with this.
Good bad man
The gospel principle “Love your neighbor as yourself” is very practical. This is not an abstraction, but a working tool of daily life, helping to preserve nerves and relationships and earn a stable reputation as a good person in the eyes of others.
The principle that allows you, if not to be a good person, then to look like one, is this: in order to be a good person, you must sometimes agree that you are a bad person.
And like a real bad person, when you hurt your neighbor, you do it consciously.
Life is designed in such a way that we sometimes need to hurt someone - fire a poorly performing employee, refuse an illegal or impossible request, close ourselves off from moral pressure, say no to other people's hopes, prevent someone from harming, and so on. It is an inevitable part of life and should be accepted as such.
However, it also happens that pain is caused by accident. Out of ignorance, in a fever, foolishly, or in some other way - with absolutely no intention to offend or offend anyone. It happens to all people, including good ones.
So in these cases, the principle requires you to stop, think and transfer your action from the state of "it happened" to the state of "yes, I did it." You need to feel like a bad person - after all, it is bad people who crap with full awareness of their crap.
Such a rearrangement will allow you to notice and appreciate some things.
First, the question arises whether my action is worth the pain. After all, the pain caused always responds with a violation of peace between people, spoiled relationships - not now, so a little later. Am I ready to take responsibility (albeit incomplete, even if I just “didn’t think”) for what will happen next with our relationship? Or should I, if possible, undo my actions and stop their consequences - just so as not to be the cause of great evil? Are the goals set by me so valuable, including from the point of view of the Lord, that for their sake it would be possible to crush a random turtle with a tank?
Secondly, is it possible to do something to somehow compensate for this pain and its consequences, if it has already arisen? How can I adjust my actions so that the pain becomes less? Maybe it's possible to stop and ask for forgiveness for what has already been done? Stop persisting in an argument, pull yourself together, erase a bad blog post, get out of a conflict with an apology, and so on.
Yes, as a result of reflection, it is quite possible to come to the conclusion that yes - Vae victis, the matter is too important and its results are so valuable that I put up with negative consequences. Which, by the way, may not be so terrible as to demand to return everything back and urgently. In this case, we are not talking about locking ourselves in a deaf prison of absolute non-violence and never injuring anyone.
It’s just that each infliction of pain should be a responsible conclusion: “I am now hurting and feeling bad for these people.” Not “oh, what are they?”, not “come on, it’s okay”, not “yes, they just didn’t understand”, and not even “well, I didn’t want to”, but namely the acceptance that I am aware of my own actions and their consequences, and motivation does not obscure my results. "I hurt." I am a bad man.
After all, hurting knowingly is much more difficult than accidentally. Everyone knows what pain is. And when they do bad things to us and hurt us, we want to stop it as soon as possible, and we agree to endure it only for the sake of some important, serious goal, and not “along the way”. And knowingly causing pain to another person, we cannot but sympathize with him. Even if we come to the conclusion that hurting is inevitable, like sometimes I do something that hurts and upsets myself, and at the same time I feel sorry for myself.
Such an attitude towards people usually manifests itself in practice as simply careful, when a person tries not to hurt anyone once again without very serious reasons, and when he hurts, he tries to restore relations instead of persisting in his right to be an offender. And this is one of the main signs of a good person - a peaceful and respectful attitude towards others, the search for peace more than one's own rightness.
And the only thing that really stops you from being that kind of a good person is pride. No wonder they say that it deprives the mind. A proud person is fixated on himself and his experiences, and this makes him not see their objective content behind his actions. Instead of what is happening between me and another person, I see what is happening in my head - my motives, my ideas, my rules and their violation.
The proud man, who has insulted someone in a hurry, sees a person not affected by his actions, but an obstacle that inopportunely got in the way - and is not at all inclined to seek reconciliation. After all, he is right, and he didn’t want anything bad - he was just in a hurry, in a hurry on a very important matter, and this fool is boring something and in general - you don’t have to go here, people are in a hurry and so on.
The result is a quarrel, spoiled nerves and mood, and who knows where the parties will go further to splash out their discontent. Who will yell at the child in the evening, and who will get drunk out of anger.
Peel is the first impression of you. This is what everyone knows about you, from the barista who sold you coffee this morning to the unfamiliar colleague at work. How do you know what it tastes like to you? It's not hard. Remember if you are polite with waiters, sellers, taxi drivers. Do people like you when you first meet? Will your unfamiliar colleagues call you friendly? If you answer “yes” to all these questions with confidence, then do not hesitate, your skin tastes quite good.
Now let's dig deeper. Pulp. Friends, family, those who know you well, all deal with her. Do you often gossip? Do you judge people? Don't stand up for loved ones? Are you cowardly? Do you rejoice in the failures of your friends? Do you like to talk only about yourself? Can't keep secrets? Are you not paying back your debts? Do not mind lying from time to time? If so, then your pulp, alas, is no good.
Here we come to the core. You open it only to the very closest, some people do not show it to anyone at all. Test yourself: imagine that there is a button next to you that you can press, and then your cherished dream will come true. True, about 1000 random people will die at the same time in the world. But no one will ever know that you pressed it. Click? If your answer is "yes", your core is hopelessly damaged.
If we divide a person into peel, pulp and core, and call each of these three parts "bad" or "good", then eight types of people will be obtained. Let's see what these types are (we go from the peel to the core).
Good-good-good
Saints to the marrow of their bones, not losing faith even in notorious villains. Most often make friends among the "bad-good-good".
Advantages: Without such people, we would definitely be lost, and if we really need to trust someone, then only them, they will not let you down.
disadvantages: With their arrival, the fun goes away, because what is fun is not always right.
Bad-good-good
At the first meeting, they make a terrible impression, but dig a little deeper, and you will discover their beautiful inner world. People like to hang out with such people of the “good-good-good” series.
Advantages: They hate hypocrisy and cowardice, they are extremely principled. People respect them and often choose them as their leaders.
disadvantages: Some of them are not alien to star disease, because inside they are so wonderful, despite the outer shell.
good-bad-good
When they first meet, they seem adorable, but their friends, most of them the same "good-bad-good", know that this is far from being the case. "Good-bad-good" often suffer from low self-esteem.
Advantages: They are always fun to be around and their communication skills are top notch.
disadvantages: They can be both hypocritical and cowardly, but, in general, they are harmless.
bad-bad-good
The list of those whom they offended is long, but their friends will always defend them fiercely. And they are mostly friends with people like them, or with “good-bad-good”, or with completely “bad”.
Advantages: Of course, they can be very unpleasant, but they have a good heart.
disadvantages: They can be very unpleasant.
good-good-bad
Such people are very dangerous, at first they like them, win your trust and even love, and then ruthlessly break your hearts. They often converge with "good-good-good" and then very painfully diverge from them.
Advantages: Of course, their main goal is only their own success, but while they are moving towards this goal, they manage to do something good, such people often go into politics.
disadvantages: They are manipulative and hurt those closest to them the most.
Bad-good-bad
This type of people is very rare. They are often deluded into thinking that their core is actually good.
Advantages: They often become successful in the criminal business. A bad skin produces the necessary intimidating effect, a good pulp helps to establish contacts, and a bad core allows you to go over the heads to your own goal.
disadvantages A: They are really very bad.
Good-bad-bad
Everyone has fun with such a person, but only everyone knows that at the core he is complete trash.
Advantages: Excellent contenders for the role in Desperate Housewives.
disadvantages: The most hypocritical of all presented.
bad-bad-bad
Here he is, the classic villain in all its glory. They do not understand people with a good core and despise bad people who try to appear good.
Advantages: They are not hypocrites, they are what they are, they make excellent stand-up artists, and also the leaders of the mafia.
disadvantages: Here, I think, and so everything is clear.
Guilt... Sometimes this heavy feeling becomes a heavy burden for us. "Why am I a bad person?" - a dreary question sounds in my head ... Remorse of this type is suffering, and one always wants to get rid of suffering. This, of course, is immediately used by cunning pseudo-writers who offer us their product a la "how to get rid of guilt in 10 days?" “I will go over the corpses and nothing will stop me.”
However, even with such clever advice, most of us will not succeed. Because the nature of the feeling "I am such a bad person" lies very deep in our subconscious, in the sense of morality and morality, in the worldview and in our desires. All this means that it is possible to curb remorse only if it is possible to reveal the root causes of such states.
Ÿ Why does it feel like I am the worst person?
Ÿ What drives a person to be “bad”?
Ÿ What should I do if it seems that I am a bad person, and this feeling interferes with my life?
Today, the phrase "bad man" has become quite fashionable. The concepts of "good" and "evil", "good" and "bad" very often turn in the direction that is needed. There are countless speculations on this score: what are the tests a la "Am I a bad person?" or "Which evil movie character suits me best?" Behind all this tinsel, the concepts of good and evil seem to be blurred, frames and formats are erased, and we are already facing a new reality where everything is permitted and you can be whatever you want. Even the villain of all times and peoples, as well as galaxies.
Against the background of all this, there are still people for whom the feeling of being a bad person brings suffering. People say that they are tormented by remorse. Somehow, such people cannot break away from this feeling of guilt, no matter how hard they try and no matter what practices they apply. Feeling like a bad person as if eats into them and does not let go.
Why do some people suffer from the feeling of their own bad nature, while others do not?
The roots of the fact that one person does not feel guilty for himself, and the other, on the contrary, feels all the hardships of remorse and pangs of conscience, lies in the natural set of human vectors, their internal states of fullness, development. If, say, a person has a skin vector, then he himself is never inclined to experience guilt, it is alien to him in principle. For him, “guilt” is just a word, the meaning of which he does not fully understand, just like “offense”. Kozhnik never holds evil for a long time - all insults are from him, like water off a duck's back. It is the dermatologists who conduct courses designed to help students not lose heart from the feeling of "I am such a bad person."
People with anal vector and visual vectors feel completely different. And without understanding the difference in the psychotypes of such people, it is impossible to figure out where the idea that I am such a bad person comes from.
I am such a bad person: I repent, I suffer, but I can’t do anything
The division of actions into good and evil is the prerogative of the visual vector. It is he who evaluates the morality and morality of a person in relation to himself, to another, to society. The higher the development of the visual vector, the higher he appreciates beauty. And first of all, the beauty of the inner, spiritual. Through cultural values, the visual measure introduces the concepts of what is good and what is bad for everyone else. You can't kill, you can't steal - all this is impossible, because it's bad. A developed visual person never commits such acts, and if he does, he is tormented by the feeling that he has done a bad deed.
But people with only one visual vector do not exist in the world. There must be some other vector in it. In combination with an undeveloped skin, a person may generally lack a sense of shame - he can do anything and never be punished for it. For example, taking money for trainings "How to stop worrying that you are such a bad person?", Which do not give any effect.
Another thing is when it comes to the combination of anal and visual vectors. The fact is that it is in the anal vector that the sensations of "resentment" and "guilt" lie, as the cornerstones of the mental square of such a person. Possessing a good memory, analnik well remembers everything in the world. If a person is developed, then he brings his knowledge outward and creates history for the next generations. If not, then he accumulates inside himself an experience that no one needs: resentment (for not giving what they should have given) on the one hand and guilt (for not giving what I had to give myself). ) on the other side.
Very often, an anal-visual person in a state of lack does something for which he then feels guilty, but nevertheless repeats this deed over and over again. He understands that this is bad, that it is impossible to do this, but he does it anyway. This happens because the anal person, in order to relieve his frustrations, seeks to smear the other with mud - this is the most primitive way to satisfy inner pain. And very often he uses it without even realizing his act. But for his visual vector, such behavior is unacceptable. Therefore, he often catches himself on a hot - reproaches himself "Why am I such a bad person?"
A striking example of this phenomenon is women who have a combination of anal and visual vectors. They love to gossip behind the back of a friend or colleague. Yes, not just gossip, but discuss in the most negative tones and colors. At such moments, they experience real pleasure, defiling her from head to toe, discussing all her sins and sucking on the bones. But as soon as the culprit of gossip appears on the horizon, they smile and behave more than friendly. At the same time, something inside tells them that they are doing very, very badly. "What kind of nature am I so vile?" - each of them thinks, but in a day or two they will definitely repeat the gossip procedure.
When the anal, visual and skin vectors are combined in one person, there can be interesting scenarios. An anal-skin-visual person can, for example, be a major corrupt official, robbing people, or cheating on his wife, and the visual subconscious will constantly torment him with the question "why am I such a bad person?", swaying on anal guilt, but he is not able to resist the temptation forces.
The feeling that "I am a bad person" can also arise in sound-visual people when the sound vector is in a state of hatred for everyone around because of depression. Such an evil "genius" may want the Apocalypse, the end of the world. Own sound thoughts of hatred are perceived by the visual vector as extreme callousness and hurt oneself painfully. On this controversy, torments arise even worse than inside the anal-skin traitor, because there they are of animal origin, and here they are of emotional-mental origin, which is an order of magnitude higher.
