In itself, it is unpleasant, and not only to others who are suddenly dipped into negativity, but also to the aggressors themselves. In fact, among the latter there are not so many clinical villains who enjoy splashing violent emotions on other people or objects. Normal people are also capable of such outbursts, but then they experience remorse, try to make amends for their guilt, and at least try to control themselves. Aggression is especially destructive in men, the reasons for this can be so far-fetched and strange that the existence of a problem becomes obvious to all participants in the situation.

Types and types of male aggression

It should be noted right away that negative emotions spilling out are not exclusively a male prerogative. Women are just as capable of being aggressors, they do not follow their actions and words. The paradox is that male aggression is partly considered socially acceptable. Of course, extreme manifestations are condemned, but there are many justifications for such a phenomenon as aggression in men. The reasons can be very diverse - from competition to health conditions.

Two main types of aggression, which are easily identified even by non-specialists:

• verbal, when the negative is expressed in a cry or frankly negative vocabulary;
• physical, when beatings, destruction, attempted murder take place.

With auto-aggression, the negative is directed at itself, manifesting itself as all kinds of destructive actions. The motto of this type of aggression is: "Let me be worse."

Psychologists classify what we are considering into several types according to the following criteria: mode of manifestation, direction, causes, degree of expression. Self-diagnosis in this case is practically impossible, since in most cases the aggressor seeks self-justification, does not see and does not want to see the problem, and successfully shifts the blame onto others.

Verbal aggression

External manifestations of this type of aggression are quite expressive. It can be a furious cry, curses and curses. Often they are supplemented by gestural expression - a man can make insulting or threatening gestures, shake his fist, and swing. In the animal world, males actively use this type of aggression: who growls louder, then declares himself as the owner of the territory, it comes to outright fights much less often.

However, verbal aggression in men, the causes of which may lie both in mental health and in social pressure, is not so harmless. It destroys the psyche of those who are forced to live nearby. Children get used to the abnormal model of communication, absorb the pattern of paternal behavior as the norm.

physical aggression

An extreme form of aggressive behavior, when a person moves from screams and threats to active physical actions. Now it is not just a threatening swing of the fist, but a blow. A man is capable of causing serious injury to even the closest people, breaking or breaking personal belongings. Man behaves like Godzilla, and destruction becomes his main goal. It can be either a short explosion, literally for one blow, or a nightmare for many hours, which is why aggression in men is considered the most dangerous. The reasons are called very different - from "she provoked me" to "I'm a man, you can't make me angry."

Asking the question of how admissible this is, it is best to take the Criminal Code as a guide. It says in black and white that bodily harm of varying severity, attempted murder and intentional harm to personal property are all crimes.

Features of unmotivated male aggression

It is conditionally possible to divide manifestations of rage into motivated and unmotivated. One can understand and partially justify the aggression shown in the heat of passion. This is often referred to as "righteous anger". If someone offends the relatives of this man, encroaches on their life and health, then the aggressive response is at least understandable.

The problem is such attacks of aggression in men, the causes of which cannot be calculated at a glance. What got into him? I had just been a normal person, and suddenly they changed it! Witnesses of a sudden unmotivated rage that erupts in any form, verbal or physical, respond approximately like this. In fact, any act has a reason, explanation or motive, but they are not always on the surface.

Reasons or excuses?

Where is the line between reasons and excuses? As an example, we can cite such a phenomenon as the aggression of a man towards a woman. The reasons are often the most common attempts to justify themselves, to shift the blame to the victim: “Why was she late after work? She must be cheating, she needs to be shown a place!” aggression."

Behind such behavior can be both personal hatred for a certain person, and banal misogyny. If a man seriously considers women second-class people, then is it worth being surprised at the vicious attacks against them?

However, outbreaks of aggression can take place not because a man is just an evil type. In addition to far-fetched excuses, there are also serious factors that can be identified and eliminated.

Hormonal background

A significant proportion of aggressive manifestations falls on hormonal imbalance. Our emotions are largely determined by the ratio of the main hormones, a lack or excess can lead not only to violent outbursts, but also to severe depression, to a pathological lack of emotions and severe psychiatric problems.

Testosterone is traditionally considered a hormone not only of sexual desire, but also of aggression. About especially sharp and often they say “testosterone male”. A chronic deficiency leads to an increase in dissatisfaction, makes a person prone to negative manifestations. Outbreaks of aggression in men, the causes of which lie precisely in hormonal imbalances, must be treated. To do this, tests are given for the level of hormones, a disease is detected that has led to violations. Symptomatic treatment in this case brings only partial relief and cannot be considered complete.

Middle age crisis

If such cases have not been observed before, then sudden aggression in a 35-year-old man can most often be associated with the age of maximalism being left behind, and the man begins to weigh whether all the decisions made were really correct, whether it was a mistake. Literally everything falls into doubt: is this a family, is this a woman, is the right direction chosen in a career? Or maybe it was worth going to another institute and then marrying another, or not marrying at all?

Doubts and hesitation, a keen sense of missed opportunities - all this shatters the nervous system, reduces the level of tolerance and sociability. It begins to seem that there is still time to change everything in one jerk. Everyone around seemed to agree, they do not understand this spiritual impulse. Well, after all, they can be put in their place by force, since they do not understand good. Fortunately, the midlife crisis passes sooner or later. The main thing at the same time is to remember that periods of despondency are normal, but this is not a reason to break your life.

retirement depression

The second round of the age crisis overtakes men after retirement. Women most often endure this period easier - a solid part of everyday worries remains with them. But men who are accustomed to their profession as a central part of the life story begin to feel unnecessary, abandoned. Life stopped, the respect of others turned off along with the receipt of a pension certificate.

Aggression in men after 50 is closely related to attempts to shift the responsibility for a failed life onto others. At the same time, objectively, the man who suddenly caught the demon in the rib is all right, but there is a certain dissatisfaction. At the same time, all sorts of health problems, overwork, lack of sleep can be added - all these factors exacerbate the situation. Aggressive attacks begin to seem like a natural reaction to everything that happens.

Psychiatry or psychology?

To whom to go for help - to a psychologist or immediately to a psychiatrist? Many men are afraid of their aggressive impulses, not without reason fearing to do something irreparable. And it is very good that they are able to relatively soberly evaluate their actions and seek help from professionals. Who is involved in such a phenomenon as aggression in men? Causes and treatment are in the department of the psychiatrist exactly until he confirms that according to his profile the patient has no problems. This is precisely the correct approach to treatment by such a specialist: you can safely make an appointment without fear that you will be “dressed as crazy”. A psychiatrist is first and foremost a doctor, and he first checks to see if any completely physical factors affect the patient's psyche: hormones, old injuries, sleep disturbance. A psychiatrist can recommend a good psychologist if the patient does not have problems that require medication.

First step to problem solving

In many ways, the strategy for solving a problem depends on who exactly makes this decision. Aggression in a man ... What should a woman who is nearby, lives with him in the same house, brings up common children? Yes, of course, you can fight, convince, help, but if the situation develops in such a way that you have to constantly endure assault and risk losing your life, it is better to save yourself and save your children.

On the part of the man, the best first step is to admit that there is a problem. It is worth being honest with yourself: aggression is a problem that must be dealt with first of all by the aggressor himself, and not by his victims.

Possible consequences of aggression and complex work on oneself

We have to admit that in places of deprivation of liberty there are often prisoners who have precisely this vice - unreasonable aggression in men. Reasons need to be eliminated, but excuses have no power and weight. It is worth taking control of yourself, but not relying only on self-control. If the outbursts of rage are repeated, then the reason may lie in a violation of the hormonal balance. It can be overwork, depressive manifestations, as well as social pressure, an unbearable rhythm of life, age-related changes, some chronic diseases. Seeing a doctor is a sure step to help deal with destructive behavior. Separate the reasons from the excuses, this will help outline the initial plan of action, and soon life will sparkle with new colors.

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Violation of personal boundaries in our time is a very urgent problem. Invasion of personal space refers to "hidden" or "enveloping" aggression that is difficult to immediately recognize. In fact, "hidden" aggression is the usual everyday actions, but with aggressive overtones.

The reasons for "hidden" aggression include:

1. inability to show open aggression due to fear of a response or condemnation;
2. personal dislike for a person;
3. excessive care that goes beyond the psychological boundaries of the individual;
4. the desire to control and correct the personality (occurs in some parents in relation to their children).

This type of aggression is terrible because the victim does not always understand what is happening to her. Aggressors act gradually, step by step instilling in a person a feeling of helplessness, dependence, self-doubt. At best, the victim begins to feel dislike or disgust towards these people and stops communicating with them. And at worst, the aggressors suppress the personality of a person and gain control over him. With the long-term influence of "hidden" violence, the victim may develop paranoia, neurosis, and serious problems with the nerves or psyche.

In total, there are three main types of "hidden" psychological violence:

1. Retention. It is aimed at preventing a person from expressing his thoughts and feelings. Constant psychological pressure of this nature leads to the fact that a person becomes uncomfortable for his thoughts, desires, actions. As a result, the victim has to constantly make excuses or hide his feelings. The following psychological techniques can be attributed to retention, as a result of which the victim loses self-confidence and the desire to express himself:

• devaluation of feelings and thoughts of a person;
• depreciation of achievements, explaining them by luck or outside help;
• depreciation, not taking dreams or plans seriously;
• false accusations, gossip, dissemination of personal and intimate information;
• high expectations and further humiliation if the person did not realize them;
• invasion of privacy, surveillance, reading personal correspondence, tracing phone calls, monitoring with the help of others;
• unnecessary care and unnecessary gifts that are required to be used;
• interruption of communication, constant interruptions, not taking the conversation seriously, refusing to talk, changing the topic, ignoring the narrator;
• cruel jokes and tactlessness;
• bullying, collective ridicule;
• boycott and refusal to communicate.

1. Extinguishing. It manifests itself in a dismissive attitude towards a person, depreciation of his personality, refusal to help or support. This manifests itself in the following actions:

• devaluing a person's time, being late or not showing up for a meeting without warning;
• refusal to help and support a person, believing that his problems are not serious;
• depreciation of human labor, disrespect for the fruits of human work or creativity;

disrespect for the privacy of another person. This may manifest itself in the inspection of personal belongings without his knowledge, the disposal of these things at his own discretion.

1. Gaslighting. This type of aggression is aimed at convincing the victim of the falsity of his suspicions and unpleasant feelings. In essence, gaslighting is a defensive technique of the aggressor. When a person feels dissatisfaction, suspicion and hostility on the part of the opponent, he attributes these feelings to some other factor. The aggressor can explain this with fatigue, bad temper, misunderstanding, incompetence, and even hint at mental disorders. Especially often the thought may sound that other people only wish good for a person, and he invents everything. As a result of constant such beliefs, the victim begins to believe that something is really wrong with her, falling under the complete control of the aggressor.

"Hidden" aggression is much more common than overt. It can be mixed with real concern, which can be misleading. And then a person thinks that everything is fine around, and then suddenly discovers that personal boundaries are completely erased. It is especially difficult when hidden aggression comes from a loved one, because in this case it is almost impossible to resist. But not always psychological pressure has malicious intent. It can be the result of overprotectiveness or lack of personal boundaries. So listen and treat each other with respect.

A person does not seem to do anything like that: he does not shout, he does not attack, he observes decency. He's just quietly sabotaging what you're negotiating. Or pulls with the fulfillment of promises. And after talking with him, you are literally shaking with indignation, anger or impotence.

Psychologist Irina Chesnova explained that this is a portrait of a typical person with passive-aggressive behavior. She gave advice on how to interact with him.

Signs of a passive aggressor

1. He doesn't keep his promises.

He nods, agrees, but in the end he hesitates to fulfill what you agreed with him. “Forgets” about the agreements, and if he fulfills them, then reluctantly, badly and at the last moment, finding a variety of excuses and expressing dissatisfaction.

A passive aggressor in a close environment is especially annoying: you seem to have agreed with your mother-in-law not to feed the child with sweets, to which he is allergic, and she again gave him candy. They asked my husband to replace a burned-out light bulb in the corridor, and he: “Yes, yes, I will.” Third week in a row.

It is important, however, not to classify all unnecessary and unassembled people as passive aggressors. It can happen to anyone. After all, there are dreamers hovering in the clouds, there are also masters of their words: “I want - I give, I want - I take it back.”

It is difficult to count on a person who spends the last money of the family budget on pigeons. And then hides from scandals in their company in the attic

A person with passive-aggressive behavior behaves like this all the time: he resists requests, boycotts agreements. And at the same time avoids direct confrontation by all means. Will not openly object and argue. His "aggression" is stubbornness, forgetfulness, procrastination and inefficiency.

2. He never expresses his position clearly

He does not say clearly and directly what he wants. Avoids discussing the problem and trying to clarify the situation. Doesn't explain what's wrong. There seems to be feedback, but there isn't.

Let's go to the cinema?

As you say.

You do not want?

I do not care.

Are you in a bad mood?

May be.

Have I offended you?

It just seems this way to you.

Is there anything I can help you with?

Do not know. Hardly.

Well, let's stay at home.

Do whatever you want.

The inability to say "no" is one of the signs of passive aggression. A person will lie, dodge and promise. As a result: walking on mushrooms instead of work, unhappy wife and mistress

3. His words and actions contradict each other

Laments: “We spend so little time together”! And he constantly finds an excuse to slip out of the house.

With all his appearance he shows displeasure: he is silent, frowns, hides his eyes. But to the question: “Did something happen?” replies: "All is well."

Sighs, complains. But if he is offered help, he says: “Well, now what, I don’t need all this.”

Can defiantly redo the work you just completed, showing that you did not cope, although in words - "no, no, I just want to help you."

Almost all the characters, embodied by Andrey Myagkov, have the features of a passive aggressor.

How to Deal with a Passive Aggressor

1. Respond openly to sabotage

Say, “I get mad when you promise to take your baby somewhere, but at the last moment you refuse. Please only promise what you can deliver."

Or: “Zinaida Pavlovna, we agreed with you not to give the baby sweets, but you continue to feed the child with Little Red Riding Hood.” Explain why you are doing this, I want to understand.

Further development of events depends on what they answer you. In any case, show that you are ready for a dialogue.

When talking with a passive aggressor, it is important to speak directly about your feelings and desires: “I don’t like it,” “I don’t like it,” “I’m sorry,” “I’m angry,” “I want it,” “I suggest it.” And ask him directly: “What do you want? What are you planning to do? If you don’t want to do what we agree on, just say so, we will look for a solution that suits everyone.”