People often face manipulation: in the media, in the political environment, at work, or even within family relationships. It is worth knowing what it is, what techniques are used to resist the influence.

Answering the question of what manipulation is, consider the concept from a psychological point of view. This is an impact on a specific individual in order to force him to perform the necessary actions contrary to his own interests.

An important point is that the person who is influenced must want to do the intended things herself. It is achieved by special psychological methods.

The goals are different, depending on the person who uses the manipulation. Often the underlying fear is that a person's request will be denied. Therefore, he immediately proceeds to special methods.

Why do people resort to this

The reasons for manipulation can be looked for in psychology and psychiatry. The first explanation is that the person does not trust himself or others. Therefore, in order to be close and loved by people, there is a violent way to keep near you - manipulation.

Faced with an existential crisis, a person strengthens his condition by self-flagellation. It seems to him that he is nothing, the most unfortunate. Family, friends, colleagues begin to regret, fulfill requests. In this state, a person realizes his power over others.

Many people are afraid of psychological intimacy with others, to build more intimate relationships. And the methods of influence, that is, manipulations, help to ensure contact with people, while not getting closer.

For example, areas such as media and politics do not have the possibility of personal contact with everyone. Therefore, the only way to convey the necessary information so that it is accepted is influence, which means manipulation.

How manipulation works

The psychology of manipulation is based on the instincts of a person, his system of values, life experience. Therefore, a person who wants to have influence on a particular individual carefully studies these aspects. Everyone needs an individual approach. This principle is also used in pedagogy and education.

True manipulation is approached very subtly, choosing various methods. If all the tricks are immediately thrown on a person, then this will not give any effect. He just gets scared of such pressure and leaves.

Often other external factors influence the decision making. For example, the opinion of close people. Then the manipulator expands the scope of its influence, begins to work with the environment.

To learn how manipulation works, you need to know the basic techniques and methods. Some of them are described below.

Manipulation: techniques and methods

The methods of manipulation depend on the skill of the person, the sphere of influence, the goal, the audience. The most common complex techniques include focusing on the information that the author needs, and secondary information is presented in a reduced light. It is peculiar to media communication and journalism.

In order for the informational message not to be rejected by critical thinking, it is colored with emotions. The person who serves it speaks loudly and smiles. Often refers to the pleasant memories of a person. This influence is used by marketers for buyers.

To confuse a person, he is asked many questions from one area. He does not answer all, or briefly to each. He is accused of this, they say that the discussion cannot continue like this. And the manipulator puts forward its conditions.

Repeat some information several times. Even if she has no evidence base. People will still perceive as truth those things that they have heard more often. This is how the advertising gimmick works.

Psychologists have noticed that it is difficult for a person to refuse someone who has already done something for him. Thus, the manipulator first does a favor to a potential victim in order to ask for something later.

Manipulation: types in communication

During communication, people often resort to influence, that is, manipulation. It doesn't matter how closely they know each other. This can be both in business and among friends, relatives. Therefore, it is worth distinguishing from a simple conversation. There is not a single manipulation, but there are several types of it:

How to deal with manipulation

People have a negative attitude towards ways of influencing a person, since this, which means manipulation, gives superiority over others. But do not forget about the main instinct - to survive in the environment. We are always competing with each other, fighting for resources. And manipulation helps a lot.

If you are conscientious and fundamentally do not control people, considering it to be immorality, then they will do it to you. Therefore, a more sensible position is to always be ready for manipulation by others and use it when absolutely necessary. After all, at first you can always use simple communication, a request.

For some, manipulation is like an exciting intellectual game: a competition, who influences whom more effectively. This develops the mental abilities of a person, attentiveness to the feelings and condition of others.

It is up to you to decide what to think about interpersonal communication based on manipulation. Forming a point of view, rely on experience and life guidelines. You can always try to build a relationship around yourself, where there is no place for intentional influence.

How to learn to manipulate people

In order to have influence on a person, you first need to study him well. After all, the methods of manipulation are selected individually. They should find out his personality type, value system, what was the experience. Using this information, you can select a technique.

Successful influence on a person is carried out with the guidance of his emotions. You need to call one of the strongest, which is suitable for the goal: fear, greed, anger. Being in this state, a person loses critical thinking and control over his actions.

Thought-based manipulation is more complex, but effective. A person needs to introduce the message of the necessary thought so that he further develops it and accepts it as his true conclusion. You can’t immediately submit a formed thesis, because a person can reject it.

One of the most effective ways to manipulate people is neuro-linguistic programming. You can go to special NLP courses or look up information on the Internet. The bottom line is that you are using facial expressions, gestures, programming a person to trust you, imposing your point of view. One technique, for example, is mirroring the interlocutor's posture. He subconsciously catches the sameness and considers you his person. Accordingly, it becomes more trusting.

Who becomes victims of manipulators

Psychoanalysts have identified personality types that are easily imposed by others due to their nature or condition, that is, manipulation. These include:

How to recognize a manipulator

How to avoid manipulation. Manipulators use a variety of techniques, but many share the following traits:

You should not label a manipulator if a person uses any of these items. Maybe it's just a specific way of communicating. It is always necessary to evaluate comprehensively in order to identify manipulations.

Manipulation protection

Wanting to protect yourself from control, first you need to turn to your mind, how you feel while communicating with a person. This will help to determine the purpose of communication of your interlocutor in time and rely on it. For example: you feel anxiety, guilt, obligation, you have to explain and justify.

Click on the manipulator. Check the facts, ask clarifying questions about what has already been said. The interlocutor's head is overloaded, so it can be taken aback, confused and loosen its grip. Look into the eyes - this also creates awkwardness.

Never rush to conclusions, even if you are under pressure. You always have the right to think as much time as it takes to make a decision.

Don't be afraid to say "no" if the situation doesn't suit you, you don't agree. This is your point of view and you are entitled to it. If the manipulator still continues to persuade you, firmly declare your unwillingness to continue the conversation: hang up, or ask to leave the premises.

A more complex mechanism is countermanipulation. When you realize that they are preparing a trick for you, then you listen to the person. At the same time, you pretend that you do not know that they want to persuade you to some action or thought. Then fight back by manipulating your opponent yourself using the described techniques.

Here are some of them. - omit some of the information or distort it, generalize beyond recognition; "stick a label"; flatter, cause pity or, conversely, a sense of guilt; completely suppress or adjust. The tricks of the manipulator include humor, jokes, if they are used to discourage a partner, deprive him of confidence, humiliate him and emphasize his superiority. Such tricks are carried out with the help of both verbal means (speech) and non-verbal ones, and, according to some psychologists, from 60 to 90% of all information is transmitted through non-verbal means in the process of interaction, since the pace and rhythm of speech, intonation, various gestures, facial expressions, the duration of eye contact, the distance at which the conversation takes place, the frequency of changing positions allow not only to more or less accurately judge the mood of the interlocutor, his emotional state, but also the degree of his sincerity.

Non-verbal means can hide the truth and give false information. People who, by the nature of their occupations, get used to lying (politicians, actors, television presenters) must know non-verbal language very well in order to “tell” deliberate lies by its means. They achieve this in two ways: firstly, by using the so-called correct gestures (they make sure that the gestures match the words), and secondly, by excluding most gestures, i.e. making neither positive nor negative gestures, which is a very difficult task (it is more difficult to control oneself than others). In other words, in order to lie successfully, you need to learn how to control your body very well, or "hide" it (so that it does not give out), take it out of the interlocutor's field of vision. Naturally, it is more difficult to lie while being completely in the interlocutor's field of vision, and it is easier to lie, for example, while sitting at a table (the body is partially hidden), and the surest way to lie is to lie on the phone, when only intonation is used from non-verbal means, and all forces aimed at its control.

The manipulator, using non-verbal means, can put pressure on the partner, unbalance him, in order to push the partner to the need to end the conversation faster or make concessions. In this case, he conducts a conversation beyond necessity loudly, assertively, with bravado, aplomb, exercising maximum pressure with minimal argumentation, as if "pinning" his partner to the wall; or worth it. over a partner, as if hanging, or simply standing behind his back; he can also smile ingratiatingly so that the partner believes in his sincerity and opens up. In general, the manipulator creates an unbearable situation for a person so that he agrees to anything; using verbal and non-verbal means, the manipulator encourages a person to take some action, while maintaining the illusion of independence of the independence of decisions or actions. In other words, it encourages a person to do what he does not want to do, turns away from what he aspires to, but at the same time creates confidence in him that he acts of his own free will.

Unnatural behavior is one of the main indicators that a person has become the "prey" of a manipulator. He gets the feeling that he is doing something against his will, to please someone, but not himself. A person, as it were, ceases to be himself (he becomes a "thing" in the hands of a manipulator). Even if he does a good deed, he does not have a sense of satisfaction with it. The feeling of displeasure accompanies manipulation, but more often it is its result. For example, the buyer succumbs to the persuasion of the seller, who informs him that the thing he is interested in is made according to the model of a famous person (the method of manipulation is a reference to authorities), and buys it. When the buyer comes home, he begins to ask himself the questions "Why did I buy this thing?", "What will I do with it?" and feels dissatisfied.

The tricks of the manipulator are easily distinguished from all other types of psychological influence.

Here are some types of manipulation possible in the family or at work:

· Manipulation "Monkey on the neck". The subordinate turns to the boss: "You instructed me to get a truck crane. They are (there), but not with my authority to contact them. Now, if you said a few words - I can dial the phone of their boss." The flattered boss agrees: "Okay, let me tell you."

But more often than not, the matter is not resolved with one call: either the right person is not there, or counter conditions are put forward. "Okay, go, I'll solve this issue," says the boss. The next day, the subordinate looks into the office with an air of complete humility and asks in a pleading tone: "Well, why didn't you decide?" Busy with the routine, the manager waves at him: "Go, work, I'll decide." After a while, the subordinate again asks if the issue has been resolved.

How did it happen that the roles changed, that the leader became the executor, and the subordinate became the controller? The answer is transactional analysis.

A clear transaction on the part of the subordinate - the respectful address of the subordinate as "Adult" to the boss-"Parent" (BP) (transaction "Parliamenter") is complemented by a hidden transaction - helplessness, seeking protection (in fact, the subordinate acted as a "Child", addressing for help to "Parent" (D--R: transaction "Klut").

Playing on the pride of the boss, the subordinate provoked him into the patronizing position of D-R, which in this case means doing his work for the subordinate.

In managerial jargon, the task hanging on the performer is called a "monkey around the neck." We can say that in the described case, the "monkey" jumped on the boss's neck. Manipulation "I'm being torn apart." An employee willingly takes on many assignments, including public ones, but when they try to get some specific result from him, he refers to overload, listing everything that is "heaped" on him. It is curious that some do not fully consciously do this, sincerely believing that they give themselves to work to the end.

· Manipulation "Kazan orphan". The manipulator stays away from the management in order to refer to the fact that he was not led, no one helps him, no one wants to listen to him.

· Manipulation "Child at work". This manipulation is played out by some workers, pretending to be stupid. They say about such people: it’s faster to do it yourself than to explain something to him, and you’ll also have to redo it. Typical statements of manipulators of this kind: "I'm not a professor", "I'm a weak woman."

· Manipulation "Child in the family". In many families, husbands play this manipulation to their advantage. This is achieved by playing the role of a helpless "Child", no matter what the wife instructs (for example, to go to the store, do the cleaning, work out with the child), he does so that he has to redo it. As a result, the whole burden of homework turns out to be placed on weak female shoulders. It is no coincidence that some women, naming the number of their children, include their husbands in it. Every joke has some truth in it.

· Manipulation "offended". Suppose that one of the spouses, in anticipation that the spouse will turn to him with a request that he is uncomfortable not fulfilling, but does not want to fulfill, decides to fence himself off from this request by a slight cooling of relations. Let, for definiteness, it will be the husband. He says: “Honey, have you seen where the keys are?”, But this is not uttered in an ordinary tone, but in a guilty voice with overtones: “Don’t be angry, I’m so stupid, I distract you all the time.” This provokes an angry response from his wife: "Are you blind? Keys on the dressing table!". Now you can make an offended look and not talk to your wife, not fulfill her requests.

Thus, the explicit transaction of the husband was as "Colleague". (B--B), but the tone, the extension from below set the hidden transaction "Nedotep", to which the wife reacts, responding with the transaction "Boss": "I'm blind or something, here they are on the dressing table."

· Manipulation "If it weren't for you." Played out in families, both wives and husbands. Wife: "Oh, I'm a fool, a fool for marrying you. Look at Sasha, how he courted you, and now he's a big man. And who are you? Ruined my youth," etc. The purpose of the manipulation is to create a sense of guilt in husband and manage him: transaction "Boss" (R--D) with the goal that the husband will accept this distribution of positions.

Or a husband: “You don’t create any conditions for me to work. If it weren’t for you, I would have defended my dissertation long ago.”

· Manipulation "Home sage". A family member, often older in age, constantly teaches others on all issues. When something does not work out for someone, he makes remarks: "It should have been done differently ...". When they ask him: "Tell me what to do, we will do it," he answers: "What can I say, you will do it anyway."

This manipulation is aimed at achieving psychological comfort, realized by the firmly captured position of "Parent", an extension from above to the rest of the family.

· Manipulation "Sorry?".One asks the other: "How are you with money, okay?" "Yeah, it's okay." - "And I'm broke. Borrow until the salary, there's nothing to buy food." A natural dialogue for our people.

However, let's imagine that the applicant has already let the creditor down once - he did not repay the debt for a very long time. Therefore, he has no desire to lend again. However, to refuse is cruel: his family will starve, and my money is useless, and it seems possible to do a good deed. If I refuse, I will earn a reputation as a miser. And we give, although we scold ourselves for it. There is manipulation. Its mechanism is this. The first transaction is preparatory ("Colleague - Colleague" to get the necessary information. The second is "Adult - Parent" ("Parliamentary"). A person in trouble, it is not customary to refuse help; the response transaction "Parent - Adult": provide patronage, help.

· Manipulation "Thick-skinned". The student does not want to sit in the lessons of a certain teacher. But just skipping classes will call the parents. Then he decides to use the teacher's intemperance in the language: the code she is pissed off, she can call names. The student from the beginning of the lesson begins to "bring" her. She makes a remark to him, another, a third. And since he "doesn't get it", she begins to give him unflattering epithets, and since he is "thick-skinned" and does not react, then, according to the law of escalation of conflictogens, it comes to insult. Here the manipulator rises noisily: "I do not intend to tolerate insults" - and leaves the class, knowing for sure that the teacher will not complain about him. You can skip a few more lessons.

· Manipulation "Not with your capabilities." Consider a manipulation sometimes played out in a shop. A woman entered a commercial store and went to the counter. There were almost no buyers. The seller measured the woman with an appraising look from head to toe, which confused her somewhat, because her clothes were "not very good." I asked to see an electric iron. "Of course, this one would suit you better," said the seller, pointing to the most expensive one. It was said in a tone that meant: "Not with your skinny wallet to buy a good product." "That's exactly what I'm taking," the woman flared up in response. Of course, laying out the last money, she would be glad to change her mind, but to retreat means to confirm the correctness of the position of the superiority of the seller.

· Manipulation "If you are competent..." is a way to "catch" the interlocutor in his desire to look like a competent, knowledgeable person or "play along" with his inner faith in his competence and experience, and then lead the interlocutor to humiliation, showing his failure and incompetence. The first action in this manipulation can vary slightly (or ask a question that initially seems easy enough, but is vague: for example, "Have you heard of a country like Argentina? Then, tell me, what is the most interesting thing about Argentina?" -- as a result of the uncertainty of the question, any "answer can be assessed as incorrect and at the end of the manipulation, the respondents can be humiliated, showing their incompetence), or this manipulation is started with a request:" Can I consult you about ...? ", and then they react to all advice on like: "Yes, but I tried that and there's no sense in it. What to do?", to the next advice - again: "Yes, but after all ...", and so on until the interlocutor comes to a standstill, having exhausted his advice - the manipulation with phrases like: "So I I don't know what to do. No one, not even you, can help." Manipulation in the form of "seeking advice" outwardly begins with the transaction "Adult--Adult" (as the appearance of an equal discussion of any problem), but the hidden plan of the transaction "Child--Parent" (Child requests advice from the Parent, and having received it, shows the Parent that his advice is no good).

Recently, the problem of manipulating people, imposing other people's opinions and views, turning society into a thoughtless mass has been increasingly discussed on the Web. Look At Me has compiled a shortlist of the most common techniques and rules that help to convince, dispose, inspire and influence people in every possible way, as well as ways to protect yourself from social manipulation.

social security,
or the principle of social proof

In the Soviet Union, people first stood in line and only then wondered where it was leading. “If all these people are waiting, then the product is good,” everyone thought. The very presence of the queue signaled the value of the product being offered. Thus, the principle of social proof manifested itself in Soviet society. Based on the herd instinct, it consists in imitating the behavior of the majority and is a protective function of our brain, freeing the latter from the need to process unnecessary information. It is in it that the nature of the mainstream lies.

The principle of social proof works especially effectively when a person finds himself in a confusing or ambiguous situation, and he does not have time to really understand it. “In any incomprehensible situation, do like everyone else” - Social Proof solves all problems at once. When we want to buy a new gadget and are puzzled over which model to choose, the decisive criterion for us is often reviews and ratings. The principle of social proof is deeply rooted in modern business. It is no longer necessary to prove to a potential client how good the product is, it is enough to note that the majority thinks so.

Today, marketers strongly recommend that the owners of sites and various pages do not advertise the counters if the indicators on them are modest. A large number of subscribers is the best sign of quality and a reason to subscribe too. This also applies to site traffic.

Another sore example of using the principle of social proof is sketches and humorous series. Viewers often complain that they are annoyed by background laughter after every joke. However, this does not affect the effectiveness of the method. People tend to rely on the reaction of others when determining what is funny, and often react not to a joke, but to the accompanying off-screen laughter.

By the way, Social proof served as the basis for the emergence of some professions. For example, a clacker is a person who comes to a performance for a fee, applauds the loudest and shouts “Bravo!”, Or a classic example is mourners who “set the mood” at a funeral in Brazil or the Philippines.

Group reinforcement method

This technique in some places echoes the previous one, but, unlike it, is focused on changing human beliefs rather than behavior. According to this principle, with repeated repetition of the same thesis (ideas, concepts) within a group, its members will eventually accept this statement as true. The American academic and writer Robert Carroll emphasizes that the repeated judgment does not have to be true. It will be believed, regardless of how theoretically or practically proven it is. Moreover, it is believed that people accept on faith, without critical evaluation, any group values, ideas, doctrines, if they identify themselves with this group and do not want to be branded as outcasts. This mental phenomenon and manifestation of conformity is called indoctrination. Phenomena opposite to indoctrination: "social autonomy", "criticality", "non-conformism".

A colorful example of the work of the group reinforcement method are stereotypes, myths and legends that wander from generation to generation. In addition, the technique is actively used by the media and is an effective tool in information wars. With the help of deft manipulation of facts and various verbal tricks, the media impose certain beliefs on us by systematically repeating the same thoughts. To counter these trends, some countries are introducing a media education course in their curricula to develop critical thinking in people of all ages.

Reciprocity rule

The rule of reciprocity says: a person is obliged to repay what another person has provided to him. In simple words - to return kindness for kindness. And since any obligations are oppressive, you want to get rid of them as quickly as possible. Therefore, the rule works and is actively used by some "initiates". Such people may intentionally provide a small favor with the expectation that in the future they will make a larger request.

Fragment from the TV series
"Force Majeure" (Suits)

People say: "they take advantage of someone's kindness." It is noteworthy that knowledge of the rule of reciprocity does not exempt a person from the desire to return his "debts".

Fragment from the TV series "The Mentalist» (The Mentalist)

Why do supermarkets give food for free to try? Why do various companies distribute pens, notebooks and other souvenirs to their guests? And how to explain free promotions in bars and chewing gum in restaurants after dinner? Employees want to make customers happy? No matter how.

Request
for help, or the method of Benjamin Franklin

One day, Benjamin Franklin needed to make contact with a man who openly disliked him. Then Benjamin turned to this man with a request to lend him a rare book. Franklin was as polite as possible in his request and even more politely thanked the man when he agreed. After this incident, they became good friends.

The essence of the method of the same name is that people love to be asked for help. First, starting from the rule of reciprocity, a person thinks that, if necessary, he can count on a reciprocal service. Secondly, helping, he feels needed and useful. And that, as they say, is priceless.

By the way, it is believed that in the beginning it is better to ask for more than you want to receive. If you are suddenly refused, the next time you try, you can voice a real request, and this time it will be inconvenient to refuse.

Logic rule
chains

Psychologists have come to the conclusion that the desire to be or seem consistent in one's actions is an innate feature of a person, which often forces him to go against his own interests.

The fact is that in modern society, consistency is considered a virtue. It is associated with honesty, intelligence, strength and stability. English physicist Michael Faraday said that consistency is more valuable than being right. Inconsistent behavior is usually considered a negative quality and mistaken for duplicity.

In order to make a person act in a certain way, it is necessary to start the sequence mechanism in his thinking. The starting point in this mechanism, social psychologists call the obligation. The person who made the commitment (even if unconsciously) will do everything to fulfill it.

For example, if a person is recognized as the best chess player in the city, after this incident he will train three times more, just to justify the obligation and status entrusted to him. The sequence mechanism is launched: "If I am like this, then I must do this, this and that ...".

positive reinforcement

Positive reinforcement is positive consequences for a person. his actions: praise, reward or reward that encourage a person to perform these actions in the future.

Once a group of Harvard students conducted a curious experiment. At one of the lectures, the guys agreed that when the teacher moves to one side of the hall, everyone will smile, and when in the opposite direction, they will frown. It doesn't take a brain to guess in which part of the audience the lecturer spent most of the lesson. This experiment was fixed in history under the name "Verplank experiment" and became a confirmation that positive feedback has an educational effect on a person.

According to the American psychologist Skinner, praise educates a person more effectively than punishment, which rather harms the individual. Freud confirms his colleague's theory and, in describing the pleasure principle, emphasizes that a person's desire to receive positive emotions pushes him to perform actions that reinforce them and are thus associated with pleasure. Consequently, the absence of the chain "action - pleasure" deprives a person of motivation and desire to do something.

Motivation by fear

aikido method

The peculiarity of the martial art of aikido is to use the opponent's strength against him. Adapted to the communication environment, this method is used in tense negotiations or conflict situations and involves returning to the opponent his own aggression in order to get what he wants from the interlocutor.

Newton's law states that the force of action is equal to the force of reaction. Consequently, the more rudely a person responds to an opponent, the more fiercely he defends his position, the more retaliatory aggression he receives in his address. The main principle of aikido is to win by yielding. In order to persuade a person to his point of view, first of all, you need to agree with him, moreover, by “mirroring” his manner of speaking and behaving. And then, in a calm tone, offer your own version of the development of events. Thus, a person retains his strength, does not irritate his opponent, and ultimately wins.

A slightly exaggerated example might look like this: “You are a fool. You're doing everything wrong. - Yes, I'm doing everything wrong, because I'm a fool. Let's try to find a way out of this situation together ... ".

Vertical principle

All the world's famous dictators convinced their opponents before they even spoke. They knew how to position their body in space in such a way that in the eyes of the interlocutor they looked like a “living argument”.

First, they were always vertically one level above those they were talking to. There is a psychological explanation for this. The fact is that the subconscious initially perceives those who are higher as authorities. Our parents have always been above us. But it was they who were our authorities for many years. This explains why many managers arrange chairs and tables in their offices so that they look down on their subordinates.

Also, for our subconscious, a person who takes up a lot of space seems more convincing and right. Sweeping gestures, outstretched “T-shaped” arms on the back of a chair or active movement around the hall during a presentation - all this helps to embrace the maximum amount of space and grow in the eyes of the beholder.

Built-in voice commands

Built-in speech commands help the initiator of communication create a certain mood in the addressee, evoke the desired emotion and, accordingly, direct his thoughts in a given direction. An embedded message is a fragment of a phrase that is distinguished by gestures or intonation. In this case, the impact occurs on the subconscious of a person who may not pay attention to the phrase itself.

Introducing positively colored vocabulary into your speech (words like "pleasant", "good", "happiness", "success", "trust", etc.) we make the interlocutor feel happier and more successful. At the same time, it does not matter what the speech is about and in what context these words are used, the main thing is to highlight them with intonation or gesture.

Spiral of Silence

In the theory of mass communication, there is such a thing as a spiral of silence. Proposed by the German political scientist Elisabeth Noel-Neumann, this concept boils down to the fact that people can share a certain point of view, but are afraid to admit it because they think they are in a minority. The spiral of silence is based on the fear of social exclusion and begins to work at the moment when someone confidently expresses his point of view on a socially significant topic. Those who disagree with what they have heard prefer to remain silent and not speak out, because they are convinced that they are in the minority and are afraid of isolation.

There is a pattern that established mature individuals do not succumb to the fear of social isolation and are able to express their opinion without regard to the public. It is these people who drive progress and stimulate global change. The second half of humanity is the guarantor of strength and stability in society.

1. Manipulation of guilt or resentment

Using resentment or guilt is one of the surest ways to manipulate a loved one. The image of the unfortunate victim often gives its bearer "dividends" in the form of tacit powers and reparations. It happens that a person lives in the role of a victim for years and has already got used to it, however, in those around him, he no longer evokes sympathy and a desire to help, but, on the contrary, provokes irritation and even aggression. Because in fact, strange as it may sound, it is the victim who always ends up at the top of the pyramid in the family system. Such a person influences others through their feelings of guilt. Over time, people involved in this game begin to directly or semi-consciously understand this manipulation and react to it with aggression.

Antidote: It is best to develop a rule in the family to forget grievances. And do not remember each other's past sins during family quarrels. It won't lead to anything good anyway. If a partner offended you with something, then it is better to immediately discuss this issue. Civilized and correct, without giving assessments to either what is happening or the partner. Clarify the situation and adjust the rules of interaction to reduce the likelihood of a recurrence of a similar situation. Let's say metaphorically: write down insults in the sand, and carve joys in marble and granite. Make it the norm for your family and see how much easier and happier your life will become.

2. Anger Manipulation

There are people who go berserk to force you to give in to them. These are manipulators using what is called tactical anger.

Antidote: The worst thing is to follow the lead of such a person. After all, if his technique works, he will continue to do so with you and with others in the future. To begin with, you will need your determination: you must not give in or allow yourself to be shouted at. If the manipulator keeps screaming, leave. Continue this behavior in any subsequent skirmishes when he is angry, until the angry opponent learns to behave rationally with you.

With regard to your own anger, to which you will also often be provoked, it is worth developing a conscious position and rules in advance. Remember that in anger you may even be able to give your best speech. But there is a high probability that you will regret it later and will regret it all your life.

3. Silence Manipulation

People use meaningful silence when they want to show how upset they are. Otherwise, in their opinion, you will think that the problem is not important for them. People who often resort to silence for minor reasons create an unpleasant atmosphere that can ruin working relationships. The silence is calculated to make you feel guilty when you realize how upset this person is.

Antidote: Try to refrain from playing along with the pout, because if it works once, the silent person will resort to this technique all the time. But don't be harsh with him; act like everything is fine. Wait, let him break the silence himself. If you have discussions with a silent person, listen to him with an open mind. Friendly and reasonable explain to him what your point of view is based on. Even if your interlocutor continues to sulk after your story, you will know that you did your best. You didn't back down just to avoid a silence designed to force you to capitulate.

4. Love manipulation

"If you love, then ..." This manipulation is designed for close people who have a positive attitude towards the manipulator. The fear of being rejected and losing love is strong in people from childhood. Many parents imprudently tried to manipulate their child, saying, “If you don’t listen to me / do what I say, etc., then I will stop communicating with you / loving you / taking care of you, etc..”

Antidote: Love is not a subject of bargaining, but the result of a relationship. When you notice the exploitation of your feelings, think about how much you need it.

5. Manipulation of hope

Brilliant promises often hide behind them the desire for the momentary benefit of their author. The fabulous promises of the Cat Basilio and the Fox Alice were dictated by their desire to get the golden ones that jingled in Pinocchio's pocket as soon as possible. Often such "songs" lead even more knowledgeable citizens to bury cash "in the Field of Wonders in the Land of Fools."

Antidote: An Arabic proverb says: "The wise man hopes for his deeds, but the foolish one relies on hope." Trust facts, not opinions. Make decisions based on real experience, not on someone else's stories or assumptions.

6. Vanity Manipulation

Little hooks that cling tightly to an overinflated ego may look like an innocent comment. Praise used in the calculation to achieve your goals: “You are great at reporting! Surely, and with the one that I want to offer you, no one can do it better than you! Or, on the contrary, a challenge with a hint of incompetence: “Is it weak? ..”, “You probably couldn’t ...”

Antidote: Remember, did you plan to make the proposal before presenting the provocative proposal? Check if it suits your interests and abilities.

7. irony or sarcasm

The manipulator chooses an initially ironic tone, critical statements and remarks, seasoned with jokes or provocative comments.

Antidote: It is impossible to make yourself offended without your own participation. If you don’t believe me, try to be offended just like that, at nothing in particular. If you do not succumb to the provocations of the manipulator, realizing or reminding yourself with whom and what you are dealing with, you will be able to maintain clarity of thought, accuracy of wording and emotional balance.

Complex

1. Shift in emphasis

Manipulators deliberately shift the emphasis in the material being presented, pushing something not entirely desirable into the background and emphasizing what they need. This is often the fate of the media, in most cases serving their masters. An example is the anecdote of the era of stagnation about Secretary General Brezhnev. The media are commenting on the race around the White House that took place at the suggestion of Jimmy Carter. Carter and Leonid Ilyich ran a race. Of the two participants, of course, the younger and stronger Carter won this race. The American media smugly write: "Our esteemed president is in great shape and could easily come first, and General Secretary Brezhnev was only the last to get there!" Our media wrote with restraint: “In the competitions held in the city of Washington, the General Secretary of the Central Committee of the CPSU, Leonid Ilyich Brezhnev, came to the finish line second. US President Jimmy Carter can only be content with his penultimate seat.

Antidote: Check the information, feel free to ask clarifying questions and find out the details.

2. Emotional contagion

This manipulation technology is based on such a property of the human psyche as emotional contagion. It is known that a person builds certain protective barriers on the way to receive information that is undesirable for him. To get around such a barrier (censorship of the psyche), it is necessary to direct the manipulative impact on feelings. Thus, by “charging” the necessary information with the necessary emotions, it is possible to overcome the barrier of reason and cause an explosion of passions in a person, making him worry about what he heard. Then the effect of emotional infection comes into play, which is most widespread in the crowd, where, as you know, the criticality threshold of each individual is lower and historically more ancient reflexes and instincts are included. A similar manipulation technique has been used during a number of reality shows where contestants speak in raised tones and sometimes show considerable emotional arousal. This makes the audience watch the ups and downs of the events shown, empathizing with the main characters.

Antidote: Separate the wheat from the chaff. It is necessary to separate the emotional message and the content aspect of the information. For example, before making a purchase under the pressure of a smart seller or advertising, think about what goals, desires and projected expenses you had before this situation / information appeared, what specific qualities and properties of the product / service interested you, how much you really need them. If it is possible to postpone the decision, it is better to consider the issue of expediency later, in a calmer and more adequate emotional state, following the rule “the morning is wiser than the evening”.

3. "Psychological Aikido"

Depending on the presentation of the same materials, it is possible to achieve different, sometimes opposing opinions of the audience. That is, some event can be artificially “not noticed”, but something, on the contrary, can be given increased attention. Here is a good example of how it works:

It's actually a basement room, but it's quite nice. He is a wonderful guy, we fell in love with each other and are going to get married. We haven't set a date yet, but the wedding will be before my pregnancy becomes noticeable. Yes, mom and dad, I'm pregnant. I know that you dream of becoming a grandparent and that you will welcome the child and surround him with the same love, devotion and tender care that surrounded me as a child. The reason for the delay in our marriage is that my friend caught a minor infection that interferes with premarital blood tests, and I inadvertently contracted it from him. I am sure you will welcome my friend with open arms. He is kind, and although not very educated, but hardworking.

Now, after I told you what happened, I want to tell you that there was no fire in the hostel, I did not have a concussion and a fracture of the skull, I was not in the hospital, I am not pregnant, I am not engaged, I am not infected and I don't have a friend. However, I get low grades in American history and bad grades in chemistry, and I want you to look at these grades with wisdom and condescension.

Your loving daughter Sharon»

In his book The Psychology of Influence, American social psychologist Robert Cialdini cites this amusing letter as an example of the skillful use of the principle of perceptual contrast to influence people and change their beliefs. You can be sure that this wonderful little tool of influence, provided by the principle of contrast, does not go unclaimed. The great advantage of the principle is not only that it works effectively, but also that its use is almost imperceptible to the untrained person.

Antidote: Learn to return yourself to the original chosen position before introducing external influences into it. Check if your current position is in line with your strategic principles and priorities. Compare your position before and after receiving additional external information that changed your perception of what is happening. Analyze the reliability, importance and significance of the information brought in from outside. Relate your insights to your long-term and past plans, scoring systems, priorities, and significant relationships.

4. Commands Hidden in Sentences and Questions

The manipulator hides its installation command under the guise of a request. One Zen Buddhist parable can clearly demonstrate this:

The conversations of the Zen teacher Bankei attracted not only Zen students, but also people of different sects and ranks. His large audience displeased the priest of the Nichiren sect, as the sect's followers left him to hear about Zen. A self-absorbed Nichiren priest came to the temple intent on arguing with Bankei.

Hey Zen teacher! he called. - Wait a minute. Anyone who respects you will obey your words, but I do not respect you. Can you make me obey?

"Come to me and I'll show you," Bankei said. The priest began majestically to make his way through the crowd to the teacher. Bankei smiled.

- Stand to my left.

The priest obeyed.

“No,” said Bankei, “it will be easier for us to talk if you stand to my right.” Move over here.

The priest moved to the right with dignity.

“You see,” said Bankei, “you obey me. It seems to me that you are a thin and soft person. Now sit down and listen.

In this parable from the distant past, we can observe direct manipulation, it only emphasizes the nature of the messages behind ordinary conversation and proposals. But such influence can also be exercised in more hidden ways.

Antidote: Clearly aware of your goals and "coordinate system". It is also worth trying to find out the motives and interests of the interlocutor. In the future, it will be easier to track the tactics and strategy for achieving them, formalized in the form of specific techniques.

5. Avoid discussion

Such a manipulative action is carried out with the demonstrative use of resentment. For example, “...it is impossible to discuss serious issues with you constructively...”, “...your behavior makes it impossible to continue our meeting...”, or “I am ready to continue this discussion, but only after you bring order your nerves ... ”, etc.

The disruption of the discussion by provoking a conflict is carried out with the help of various methods of getting the opponent out of himself, when the discussion turns into an ordinary squabble that is completely unrelated to the original topic.

Antidote: Maintain emotional calm, restraint and composure. Explain to yourself that this trick is a provocation of the aggressor and will not work, since you have already identified it. You should not be angry with the aggressor himself for allowing himself such an injustice. That is his nature.

6. Artificial displacement of the dispute

In this case, starting the discussion of any provision, the manipulator tries not to give arguments from which this provision follows, but suggests immediately proceeding to their refutation. Thus, the opportunity for criticism of the position of the manipulator is limited, and the dispute itself is shifted to the argumentation of the opposite side. In the event that the opponent succumbed to this and begins to criticize the position put forward, citing various arguments, they try to argue around these arguments, looking for flaws in them. At the same time, the manipulator does not provide its system of evidence for discussion.

Antidote: Bring the dialogue back on track. Remember the home field effect in football. In communication, "one's own field" is even more important. Do not give up the initiative and return "to yourself" and the chosen position.

7. Thread of questions

In the case of this manipulative technique, the object is asked several different questions at once on the same topic. In the future, they act depending on his answer: they are accused of not understanding the essence of the problem or that he did not answer the question completely, or of trying to mislead.

Antidote: State that you think it would be more appropriate to answer the questions sequentially, and focus your answers on the topic of your choice. In case of aggressive pressure, ignore subsequent questions and continue calmly answering your chosen one or pause until the flow of questions has dried up. Variants of active discrediting of the manipulator are possible. For example, take a piece of paper and start writing down questions with a comment, as in the well-known comedy: “Couldn’t you slow down, I’m writing down ...”

the site thanks the publishing house "Peter" for the provided excerpt.