The fortieth birthday is traditionally considered a difficult age, a crisis frontier. It seems that, having celebrated this sad anniversary, you will instantly turn from a girl or a young man into a woman and a man. Ahead is only old age and decay, lack of prospects and the upcoming pension.
A couple of centuries ago, such an age was indeed considered advanced. But who today will call Brad Pitt or Johnny Depp who celebrated their 54th birthday old? And 43-year-old Angelina Jolie is an old woman?
Even the World Health Organization has made adjustments to the age classification.
Young people are now considered to be between 18 and 44 years old. And 45–59 years is the average age.
This means only one thing: 40 years is a great time, very suitable for starting a new life, implementing bold projects, changing jobs and other actions that are out of the standard life schemes. All you need is desire.
Feel all the benefits
Those over 40 have several important benefits. Behind them, as a rule, they already have education (sometimes more than one), accumulated experience and good connections. They know what they want and represent what it takes to be successful. They don't expect manna from heaven to fall on them. Although such a possibility is not ruled out, because everything happens in life.
They have time-tested friends, relatives and loved ones nearby. Children, most likely, have already grown out of diapers, study at school or university. Communication with them gives 40-year-olds an amazing opportunity to understand how two generations live at once, and draw conclusions from this.
Of course, a lot depends on what kind of baggage and attitude a person has approached this milestone. After all, it also happens that you have spent two decades in the office in the status of an assistant or junior manager.
Remember: it's not too late to change something
The most common phobias associated with the upcoming 40th birthday relate to the thesis “it’s too late to change something”: they won’t take on a new job, nothing will work out in my personal life, I won’t understand new technologies, I won’t fit into the team ... But is it really so? really?
Analyzing the activities of more than twenty-five thousand people, I found that few people achieved outstanding success before the age of forty. Most often they were already under fifty when they gained the necessary speed.
Napoleon Hill, American writer
These words are backed up by many examples:
1. It was at the age of 40 that the American Henry Ford founded the famous Ford Motor Company, which successfully exists to this day. By the way, he designed his revolutionary car Ford T at the age of 45.
2. An American engineer, one of the inventors of the integrated circuit, Robert Noyce, together with a colleague, founded Intel at the age of 41.
3. Harland David Sanders, known as Colonel Sanders, was considered a failure: all his businesses were failures. At 40, he came up with a secret fried chicken recipe that made him and the fast food chain Kentucky Fried Chicken famous.
bmtv.kz 4. Wal-Mart founder Sam Walton laid the foundation stone for his empire at age 44. When he was 67 years old, Forbes magazine recognized Walton as the richest man in America.
5. Ray Kroc, the founder of McDonald's, sold paper cups until he was 52 and suffered from diabetes and arthritis. But, as he wrote in his memoirs, he "believed in the future."
6. The star of "Pulp Fiction" and "The Avengers", actor Samuel L. Jackson became famous at 43 after the release of the film "Tropical Fever", where he played, by the way, not yet the main role.
7. Kim Cattrall, the super-hot Samantha of Sex and the City, has been acting since she was 15. But fame came to her when she turned 41 and she reincarnated as one of Carrie Bradshaw's girlfriends.
8. The most charming killer from the film "Leon" Jean Reno woke up famous at the age of 46 (thanks to Luc Besson, who took him to the main role).
kinopoisk.ru 9. Brazilian writer Paulo Coelho, the author of The Alchemist, became famous after 40 years, when his books began to produce multi-million copies.
10. Julia Child wrote her first hit cookbook at the age of 50. And then she became a chef.
11. Christian Dior had to achieve fame for many years. He opened his own fashion house at the age of 42.
12. American Carol Gardner divorced her husband at the age of 52 and was left without financial support. She adopted a bulldog and founded Zelda Wisdom, a greeting card company. Today, her business is valued at $50 million.
13. Austrian entrepreneur Dietrich Mateschitz co-founded Red Bull at the age of 40. Now, 30 years later, his fortune is estimated at almost $15 billion.
14. Vera Wang was a figure skater and journalist until the age of 40, but then she decided to change her life dramatically and became a famous designer in the fashion industry.
www.spletnik.ru 15. American academic, mathematician James Harris Simons left the universities where he taught at the age of 44 and founded the private investment firm Renaissance Technologies Corporation. It is still considered the most successful hedge fund in the world.
All these people are united not by millions behind them, but by self-confidence, perseverance and healthy adventurism.
How to start a new life
- First, assess your strengths and weaknesses. What are you proud of, and what can and should you learn. There are now a lot of useful webinars and books on the Web, both paid and free, that help you learn new directions and.
- Determine exactly what you want. Do not dismiss the most adventurous options, allow yourself the desired forbidden fruit. Look at the examples above: if you want, you can achieve anything. Let "I can afford it" be your motto.
- Do not think about how others will evaluate you. This is your life.
- Forget the phrase "last chance". It can spur your desire to change your life as quickly as possible, because of which you will fill a lot of bumps. This is a great age for any start, be it a new business or yoga classes.
- Use your accumulated experience. After all, you have probably already mastered a valuable skill: you learned to think first, and then do.
In his youth, the worn-out phrase “life is just beginning at 40” caused, for obvious reasons, a smile. Well, what kind of life is there if this is already the end. Now that I have crossed the 50-year mark, she again brings a smile.
Now I know that life begins when you seriously want it. And at 40, and at 50, and at 60, and even at 70, I think. And this is not a theoretical discussion “on the topic”, but personal experience that gives the right to say so.
At the age of 45, I dramatically changed my destiny, starting it from scratch.
If my substitute boy had not set me up during my stormy romance with my future Italian husband (and there are no other romances with Italians), who knows how my future life would have turned out.
As a result of the undercover game of a smart little boy, I ended up on the street, without my favorite job and with an unpaid bank loan.
If not for this circumstance, I would have doubted for a long time whether to accept my proposal to marry. Most likely, our romance would come to naught, as happens when people are separated by thousands of kilometers and the fear of changing their usual life. Agree, at the age of 45 to change the country, language, to leave even an adult, but the only son, oh, how not easy.
Thank you, Ilya, because, committing an infamy, you, unwittingly, gave me the opportunity to live a fantastic 10 years in the most beautiful country in the world, which taught me a different outlook on life and a different attitude to age. Giving me a sense of freedom and happiness to do what I never even dreamed of.
In Russia, such an opportunity, as a rule, appears after retirement. While you are studying, earning an apartment, raising children, making a career, there is no time to think about missed opportunities.
And then, when you no longer need to give your time to the employer, you can finally fulfill your old dream - learn to play the guitar or take vocal lessons, or paint with watercolors.
The chance is given, but not everyone takes advantage of it. For most, retirement is a disaster called “hello, old age!”. This is especially true for women.
The Italians do not think about him, and that's it.
This is primarily due to the fact that life expectancy in Italy is longer. People here go on a well-deserved rest much later than in Russia.
It is foolish to part with a great specialist just because he is 70 years old. His experience is used as much as the person himself wishes. Therefore, Italians do not wait for retirement to do what they want.
When will it be! They live in the here and now.
I want to ride a motorcycle - they drive, even if at least 100 years behind them.
It did not work out to become a professional singer - they will sing in their free time in the evenings.
A friend of mine, a retired engineer who has long crossed the 70-year mark, plays jazz compositions on Thursdays in one of the bars so much that people from a neighboring town come to listen to him.
People live to the fullest, without putting any restrictions on themselves. And they work in order to live, not live in order to work.
Yes, for any money the Italian will not work on Sunday or late in the evening, when he has so many other interests.
At 7:30 pm the streets are empty. Italians devote the evening to dinner with family or friends. And this is a sacredly observed and carefully maintained tradition.
After all, family, children, friends - this is the most important thing in life ...
In Russia, work often replaces a person's personal life, losing it is tantamount to a disaster, not only financially.
Losing a job at pre-retirement age is almost the same as losing the meaning of life. Therefore, they hold on to it with their teeth.
What awaits, for example, a woman in our country after retirement? For most, the path is predictable to tears.
Lucky women with small grandchildren are provided with year-round employment. Grow up kids, grandma!
Summer residents - seasonal entertainment with a chopper in their hands.
In the remaining free time, take a seat on the couch by the TV, TV series are waiting for you!
Fortunately, there are other women who understand that the long-awaited moment has come when you can finally think about yourself. And they are happy to devote themselves to yoga, swimming, do not miss a single opening day and are aware of all social events in the city. And their number is gradually growing.
Most often, this is done by those who have had or have the opportunity to travel the world and see a different way of life.
For example, Italian women, adoring their grandchildren, will never sit with them. They will gladly take the child, but only for a couple of hours - to play, take a walk, eat ice cream together.
An Italian grandmother has her own busy and active life. She raised her children, and her grandchildren are not her concern. After all, there is a kindergarten or babysitting.
She has other plans - drinking coffee with her friends, shopping, a hairdresser, to whom she goes at least once a week.
Sometimes just to wash your hair and style your hair. And also - a weekly Friday dinner with friends at your favorite restaurant, for which you need to look appropriate.
First of all, the Italian thinks about the perfect manicure, pedicure and hairdo. Everything else will have to wait.
At the same time, she is not at all a lazy person, as you might have thought, but an excellent hostess, with whom the whole family dine at the set table every day at 13:00.
And then there is the weekly Sunday lunch, which brings together cousins and second cousins, along with elderly aunts. Preparing for it is like preparing a wedding table.
Tired of receiving guests, in the evening she can freely go and relax in her favorite bar. One. And no one will look at her accusingly, suspecting something unseemly.
And she will not think about who and what will think of her. He lives the way he wants and does what he thinks is right.
She buys clothes without thinking about the length of the skirt or the fact that it is better to cover her arms with age. The main thing is that she likes it, and if you don't, it's your problem...
The feeling of confidence in Italian women is over the top, and there are simple explanations for this. The first is the presence of men of all ages around, because in Italy there are even more of them than women. Therefore, you do not need to climb out of your skin, seeking male attention.
And the second. Even the ugliest girl is brought up in absolute adoration. In adulthood, she has no doubt that she is the one and only.
And where can an adult woman in Russia go out in the evening, especially if she is alone? In a restaurant? Bar? Night club?
Well, perhaps in the dating club "for those who are over ...". Without a man in Russia, a woman can only walk the dog in the evening. It never occurs to her that she can, for example, go dancing. And it's not just that there are no dance floors in Russia. After all, they are not there just because there is no one to go there.
Do you know what I most often hear from my compatriots in response to the offer to go to a dance school instead of solving crossword puzzles or cross-stitching in the evenings?
“At my age, going to a dance is simply indecent. I won't make people laugh."
Or “I will never wear THIS, at my age they don’t wear THIS!”
And “At my age, THIS is impossible!”
When I tell my Italian friends about this, they look at me with incomprehension.
"It is forbidden?" "And why?" "Who came up with this?"
And really, who?
After all, this is the best time to go learn to dance the waltz or tango. Or salsa with bachata.
After all, this is also a chance to find new friends, and maybe a man, who knows ...
By the way, a study conducted by the Americans on Alzheimer's disease unexpectedly showed that dancing is the surest way to maintain brain clarity and prevent this disease. Therefore, adults, in order to maintain a healthy head, need to dance. Especially after 70 years.
Have you ever thought about why in Russia women wear inappropriate office outfits for going out to work? Yes, because there is nowhere else to put them.
And if there is preparation for the upcoming dance performance ahead?! Yes, two or three times a week? There are no dresses here.
First of all, when you enter the store, you will pay attention to the hangers with evening dresses.
And I will adore Italy until the end of my days, because here an old dream came true - to learn how to dance the waltz, tango, Latin American dances. For everyone dances here, regardless of age.
The first time I accidentally walked into a crowded 300-seat dance hall and saw Italians in their late 60s dancing the foxtrot and rock and roll, it was like a lightning bolt. Why am I still not dancing?
Run in search of the nearest ballroom dancing school!
If you want, you can safely go to a youth disco in the style of the 60s, if you like the music of this period, and no one will look askance at you.
For information: “old” here refers to those who have crossed the line of 80 years, all the rest are “adults”.
And one more weighty argument. In Russia, taking ballroom dancing lessons is much cheaper than in Italy. I never miss the opportunity to polish my technique when I am at home, also because the Russian ballroom dance school is one of the strongest.
Do not miss this opportunity - go learn to dance. Who knows where this road will take you.
There is one more thing to learn from the Italians. They are obsessed with health and perhaps that is why they live long.
90-year-olds on their feet - full of them.
Biologically pure natural products, jogging in the morning, a gym, a bicycle instead of a car, all these are attributes of daily life. Those who cannot run walk with sticks, doing Nordic walking.
On weekends, the roads are lined with rows of cyclists far from young, traveling to a neighboring city to see local attractions. Half of them are women.
At the same time, Italians love to eat tasty and a lot. I understand them and share this passion, because Italian cuisine is the most delicious in the world.
Now I know the secret of how to eat amazing Italian pasta and not gain weight. I will share with you. It should only be eaten for lunch and never for dinner.
Here it is customary to take tests every six months, and then visit your doctor. After making sure that everything is fine and there is no reason for concern, breathe a sigh of relief.
And immediately start calling family and friends on the phone to let them know that you are fine. This is the norm of life - taking care of yourself and your own health, and at the same time taking care of loved ones. After all, getting sick, you will create problems, you will have to take care of. Why make life difficult for them?
And what is the situation with this in Russia?
A Russian person will not go to the doctor of his own free will. Only if it's too tight. He will endure to the last, saying: “I have no time to go to hospitals! I don't like doctors! Yes, and offended, as if the conversation went on an indecent topic.
There is no mention of prevention. “What do you think, am I sick? Why should I go to the hospital?" Men are especially guilty of this, and they leave early, because sometimes going to the doctor is belated.
Forget the word "tomorrow" in relation to your health and life.
The Internet joke that there is no tomorrow, no matter how you wake up, everything is today, is inherently true.
We live in captivity once and someone imposed stereotypes. It's time to part with them. And start living right now. No matter how many years you have behind you.
By the way, my friend, the one who dances on the dance floor four days out of seven, is 65 years old.
I was born in the Soviet Union. My parents believed in the ideas of communism, in a better tomorrow, and in the fact that they are building this better tomorrow with their own hands, giving their best at work with full dedication. Brought up in a strict communist ideology, I decided to become a teacher in order to raise and prepare new generations for adulthood - the future of the country. In those days it was a noble, worthy and respected profession.
I worked for the benefit of the state, and the state took care of me. When my husband and I were sent by distribution to work in a school in the village of Trekhselsky, Uspensky District, Krasnodar Territory, it didn’t even occur to us to challenge this direction - since our Motherland, our country needed young specialists in this place, then we had to obey.
The village greeted us warmly: we were given a huge 5-room cottage, just rebuilt by the collective farm. The salary was enough for everything, work at the school aroused enthusiasm, although due to the specifics of the national composition of the local population (ethnic Greeks lived there), the grammar of the Russian language was difficult for children, but I did not lose heart and applied all my strength and knowledge to correct the situation.
After working for three required years in the village, we returned to our native Armavir. I started working at the 19th school, where I met many Masters with a capital letter, where I made friends throughout my life. We were more than a team, we were one family. We worked from 8 to 8, holding teachers' councils and party meetings after the official end of the working day, worked with children additionally and without any additional payments, took them to competitions and olympiads for the sake of the school's honor.
Once I came to school on March 8 to prepare the assembly hall for the holiday of literature, by March 9. The watchman went away somewhere, and my colleague and I could not get inside, then a colleague helped me climb through one unlocked window into the school. Together with a colleague, we cleaned the whole school, prepared an exposition, and the next day we had success at a literary festival dedicated to the Decembrists. We now remember this with the words: “Do you remember? ..” This is how I understood my duty and my responsibility, fortunately, my mother helped me raise the child. The authorities appreciated my enthusiasm, and very soon I became a deputy director, I was awarded the “Excellence in Education” badge, Diplomas, despite my very young age.
The 90s came, and the system began to collapse, but we did not notice it right away. They stopped giving us salaries, and we continued by inertia to go to work every day, as we used to. Our gymnasium was destroyed by the new leadership (the new director was thrown in to replace the deceased and had experience in guarding bridges at BAM), not understanding its human tasks. In the struggle against him, the creative forces of the school suffered a fiasco. Against the backdrop of these troubles, I divorced my old husband and found a new one. With my new husband (PhD in Chemistry), we tried to start several joint business projects, including opening a private school, but at that time we did not have enough entrepreneurial experience. As a result, I again went to work as a head teacher at school, not at 19, but at 10, and my husband went to the factory to work as an engineer.
However, I no longer wanted to work as before. Faith in justice was destroyed. The new projects offered by the system were not new and interesting for me. I went through all this, but again I didn’t want to surprise someone who needs it for show and their career. I no longer wanted to work for someone else's good with the same enthusiasm; I still had to learn how to work for my own good.
After that, I left tutoring, because this occupation requires a lot of mental strength and energy, and the years were no longer so young, and it was hard.
By that time, I was a fairly experienced PC user, knew office programs well, knew how to work with various Internet services and e-mail - work as a head teacher at school required these skills from me.
Once (9 years ago), my daughter told me about the Weblancer freelance exchange and that copywriters, proofreaders, and reviewers are often required there. At first, it all seemed unrealistic to me. But together we registered an account for me on this exchange, and I started taking small orders there from time to time on weekends. Gradually, I learned to find clients on other exchanges, and then they began to find me themselves.
I was interested in this new direction of activity, and most of all I was interested in the algorithms for ranking texts by search engines. I liked to watch this magic, when the texts written by me for a certain search key, after being indexed by Yandex, brought the site of a lot of clients to the top for this key. I started looking for information about SEO and SMM, I wanted to learn as much as possible about these new industries. I found a new professional interest that had already been lost in pedagogy. Sometimes I did a new job at school, when others drank tea and ate buns, whiled away the time. Indeed, for many structures, it is not the result that is important, but the presence and serving time. It disgusted me. I made my stay more interesting and useful.
In our country, teachers, like the military, retire, having worked 25 years at school and becoming a pensioner at 45, I quit school, deciding that I had completed one career with dignity and now I want to try myself in a new one.
Now I comprehensively promote several clients on the Internet: I manage their sites and groups on social networks, and my team and I not only write and post content for these sites and groups, but are also fully responsible for the reputation and communication of our clients on social networks . This is a very interesting and responsible job, and once again I feel in my place, in the stream. Not to mention the fact that my work schedule allows me to spend a lot of time with my granddaughter and with my old mother, and I don’t have to live in poverty.
Learn more about me and my work on my Facebook page.
After about 45 years, when the woman has completed the main biological and social tasks, she is given a second life. And you just need to take this life, not being afraid to give up the first.
The meaning of the “second life” of a woman is that she must be oriented towards herself. Wait to put the label of selfishness on this setup...
The life you've lived so far is really coming to an end. You have fulfilled your biological role - raised children (and for those who do not have children, now there is no need to fulfill this role). You have fulfilled your social role - you have reached certain heights in the profession. So why not now live without any roles, why not let that part of your personality unfold, or rather, that second personality that for some reason has not developed. After all, she may have other inclinations and abilities, a different character and even a different appearance! Most likely, she is weaker, probably more tender, thin, quivering (which is why she ended up in her - in your - time in the background). And in any case, she is younger, if not to say - a baby.
But in order to let it live and develop, your accomplished, strong, mature, already almost old and, perhaps, a little bored with you personality must go into the shadows. It is very difficult to make her do this, but it is still possible if you deprive this “hardened she-wolf” of her experience, her strength (which there is nothing to apply to), all her supports on which she lasted so many years (more than 40), if to get to the bottom of your own core, to your very depths, where, curled up like an embryo, your “I” is waiting in the wings, which is capable of ... that's exactly, what and what?
But how to get to the bottom of your own "I"? To do this, you need to do at least three things: get rid of old grievances, give up old ambitions, and at least shake your habits.
Suddenly, take it and go on a trip, change your profession, for no reason at all, do Latin American dances or study Italian (French, Chinese) - all this, of course, is very cool, in the sense - sharply, not everyone can decide on this. If it seems to you that this is impossible for you, if you are really sure that nothing new awaits you in life, start with mere trifles: just look at yourself and everything around you a little differently. After all, it was not for nothing that the ancient sages said: “Know thyself” - and considered this the most important task of man. Know - not change. The human psyche is a complex system, all its elements are so harmoniously fitted to each other that, getting rid of one of your shortcomings, you risk getting rid of maybe ten virtues at the same time.
But we all believe that we know ourselves. But what do we know? Basically - their habits, addictions and intolerances. You know, for example, that without a cup of morning coffee you are “not human”, but was it the same 20 or 25 years ago? Most likely not, the habit of drinking coffee in the morning is usually not acquired in adolescence. Remember: when you were 20 years old, you could probably, having barely woken up in the morning, run somewhere in a few minutes. Meanwhile, at the age of 20, your personality is undoubtedly formed almost completely - and, mind you, without coffee!
In general, young people have much fewer habits, fewer stereotypes and behavior and thinking. So isn't the amount of all this a kind of indicator of true (at least cognitive, that is, cognitive, mental) age?
Life experience, of course, is a useful thing, but it should not be overestimated. It helps to cope with already familiar situations, but slows down the perception of the new. Try a simple exercise to start: break some of your habits. No, we are not talking about such a global turning point as, say, quitting smoking! You can start with something simpler: change the usual, already automatic order of actions in the morning, after waking up; do not smoke in certain circumstances in which you have always smoked (for example, while talking on the phone); go to work or shop another way; stay overnight at a friend's... but you never know we have habits that we could destroy quite easily! At least change the color scheme in clothes.
All this will help you get to the core of the personality, literally buried in most people of mature age under a pile of all sorts of habits, stereotypes of behavior and thinking, unfulfilled ambitions, old grievances, habitual masks and roles. All this is easy to imagine as a scab that fetters our true, beautiful, original, eternal "I", what can be called the soul.
Talk to your acquaintances women aged 65-70 about how they remember themselves at 45. Most likely, you will hear: “Yes, I was a girl!”, “But everything was still ahead!” etc., only in this spirit. Many will say that only closer to the age of 60 did they get tired faster and generally feel their age. And you probably know such women who, after the age of 45-50, really and completely changed their lives: they went to live abroad, got married, founded their own company.
From her youth, Natasha practically did not wear skirts - only jeans, well, sometimes, on occasion, some civilian trousers. The desire, downright impulse, to wear skirts overtook her at the age of 47. The figure had nothing to do with it - Natasha did not have excess weight and remained as slim and mobile as 10 and 20 years ago, so the reason for this impulse was incomprehensible to her.
In a word, Natasha, a little surprised at herself, went shopping in search of a suitable skirt. It's easy to say - suitable! If you've never worn skirts, how do you know which one is right for you? Short, long, narrow, wide, pleated, classic, or maybe denim for starters? It's almost the same style as jeans.
Natasha intuitively did the right thing: she temporarily put out of her mind the fact that she was just a woman of average income, and visited several expensive boutiques. Her main goal was to at least look around, to somehow orient herself in this skirt world, to adjust her eye.
She realized that she succeeded when in the Paktor store her attention was attracted by an elegant, albeit rather simple-looking skirt for ... 8 thousand rubles.
No, this has not yet become a financial problem - Natasha was not going to buy such an expensive skirt, but she bought something similar in another store, simpler, and at a very reasonable price.
The problems (financial) were, as you probably guessed, connected with the fact that this skirt did not fit, whether it was neither ankle boots without a heel, nor a nice and comfortable jacket, nor even all the blouses and jumpers that Natasha had in closet. It turned out that even the purchase of tights should be approached differently, not like if you buy them to put on under trousers in cold weather.
Another almost obligatory sign of renewal is related to time. In general, time is a very mysterious phenomenon, not only in terms of its subjective perception, but also as an objective reality. Scientists do not stop trying to understand this phenomenon, for which sometimes very exciting experiments are carried out, the essence of which is difficult to explain to a person who is little versed in physics and mathematics. But probably, every person read, heard, noticed for himself that in childhood and adolescence, time drags on slowly, and with age it rushes swiftly. The well-known saying "Someone else's children grow up fast" demonstrates this feeling very well. Not only strangers, but also their own children grow the farther, the faster. Is it because as our children grow, we age and acquire this age-specific perception of time?
However, “characteristic of age” is not an explanation. The explanation may be as follows: time flies quickly if its individual units - days, weeks, months - are not delimited from each other in any way, are not designated, but merge into a single (and most often, in our perception, gray) mass. In those short and rarer periods with age, when bright, significant events occur in our lives, time begins to be perceived in the same way as in childhood: what happened before these events seems very old, because this bright period is experienced, and not inhabited.
Finally, the third sign that you have begun a new life is the appearance of the most unexpected desires, impulses and aspirations that were not characteristic of you before.
