Evgenia Pasternak. Photo: Facebook
I have long wanted to write such a thing, let's call it conditionally - the code of an adequate parent.
There have been a lot of articles lately about how parents interfere with the lives of teachers, and only the lazy one does not say that idiots work at the school. In fact, there are enough fools among both parents and teachers. But adequate people, in general, more. And we need to somehow agree, and not water each other, and not blame each other for all our troubles.
Below I have listed, in my opinion, simple rules. If we (the school and parents) follow them, then our children will be happy and calm.
This is a draft, first reading, so to speak, so discussion is welcome.
Code of the Adequate Parent
Relationship with a child
1. Study is my child's own business.
Relationship with the teacher
1. I do not interfere in the educational process.
(I give the teacher the opportunity to work according to the program and those textbooks according to which he considers necessary.)
2. I am ready to listen to the teacher if there are problems and he thinks that I should know about it. If necessary, I am ready to solve the problem together with the teacher.
3. My child has the right not to study, the teacher has the right to react to this as he sees fit.
(Lessons are not done and the teacher thinks that it should be given a "2". No problem. I will not run around and beg for grades.)
4. I discuss the school with the child, but do not humiliate the teachers, do not drop their authority in the eyes of the child.
I am ready to comply with all of the above, but in return, I want from the school:
1. Security.
The child will not be poisoned in the dining room, he will not be stuffed in the face and the phone will not be “wrung out”. Bullying, trolling and other hazing should not be in the school.
If an emergency occurs, my child will immediately be called an ambulance.
I am adequate and will not give a child a diamond necklace, a 145th iPhone and a few thousand dollars in my wallet to go to school, so that later I will hysteria that they were stolen.
I am adequate and understand that a child can slip and fall on the stairs, and I will not sue the PE teacher if the child hits the ball with his hand.
2. Opportunities to gain knowledge if the child wants it.
Here I am not ready to argue what the school should or should not do if the child does NOT want to study.
But if the child WANTS, then the school MUST give him the opportunity.
Ideally, at any level.
Yes, I want my child (if he wants) to sit in a corner, littered up to his ears with Olympiad problems in his favorite subject, and not spit at the ceiling, because he is mortally bored in class.
3. Teachers as people with higher pedagogical education.
Understandable, right? They were taught, they are aware of the psychology of adolescents, they know the methods. They know how to explain.
4. Teachers who, within the framework of the program, are fluent in the subject they teach.
5. Teachers who evaluate only knowledge in a particular subject.
This is a redundant item if item 3 is fulfilled, but very urgent. Grades in physics are given for knowledge of physics. Not for “being rude to the teacher, a point lower”, not for the length of the skirt and lipstick, but not for visiting the theater, subbotnik, going to hockey and other joys.
Conflict resolution
1. I will be on the side of the child in any conflict situation. I will defend him if the child is right, and I will support him if he is wrong. But I will not allow anyone to infringe, insult and humiliate my child.
2. If I think that the teacher is not coping with his duties, I have the right to speak about it. And I have the right to demand a replacement.
3. I am not obliged to obey the initiatives of the Ministry of Education, if it is not spelled out in the Education Code. (The author of the text is a resident of Belarus, in this case we are talking about the realities of the educational system of this country. - Note ed.)
(There is no compulsory school uniform in the Code, no concerts that graduates are required to attend, no subscriptions that will not be remembered by nightfall. Everything that is done for my money can only be done with my voluntary consent.)
Hello everyone, my name is Tatyana. I live in the countryside, 140 km from the capital of Izhevsk, Udmurt Republic, in the village. Debes. Our village is not big, but beautiful, there is something to be proud of, beautiful nature surrounds, in the summer there are many tourists, look at the Baigurez tract, and the rifts of the Cheptsa River, the Siberian Highway.
I am a teacher by profession, I have been working in a kindergarten for more than 10 years, as a deputy head for educational and methodological work. I really like my work, I love children, and with them their parents. My task, the deputy head of the VMP, is to organize the activities of the kindergarten as interesting and useful as possible.
Working with parents is one of the priorities of the preschool educational institution. The formation of cooperation between children, parents, and teachers depends primarily on how adults interact in this process. The result of education can be successful only if teachers and parents become equal partners, since they are raising the same children.
The innovative focus of this project is planning by sections, and the sections are distributed by educational areas according to the Federal State Educational Standard, which makes it possible to evenly distribute activities to cover all educational areas, and a wide range of activities for the participation of each family.
The positive side of such sections of planning and forms of events is that the participants are not imposed a ready point of view, they are forced to think, look for their own way out of the current situation, choose the event that is currently needed for the participation of the family, group. There is a transparency in the control of work in groups for interaction with families.
Thus, the proposed pedagogical project "SHAR" helps to increase the pedagogical and legal competence of parents and teachers. The "SHAR" project on organizing work with parents in kindergarten has existed since 2008. The work experience was submitted to the Republican competition and was awarded the Diploma of the Winner of the Republican virtual competition of innovative projects "Education without Borders-2008", in 2013 the project was presented to the All-Russian distance competition "My Pedagogical Initiative" where he won the Diploma of the Laureate in the nomination "Methodological work in preschool educational institutions" ”, and in 2017 at the All-Russian competition of educational organizations for the best work with parents, the project was awarded a Diploma for third place.
The purpose of the project "SHAR":
Actualization of integrated forms of parent-child activities in the educational space of the preschool educational institution, aimed at creating a favorable psycho-emotional climate in the children's institution and in families.
Tasks:
Regarding teachers:
Study the family and establish close trusting relationships with its members in order to harmonize educational and educational interactions for the child;
Develop an action plan (drawing up a calendar plan for the academic year) of the SHAR pedagogical project through integrated forms of parent-child activities in the main areas of children's development.
Regarding parents:
To involve parents in the educational process on the basis of identifying the positive aspects of the family, to activate its creative potential and pedagogical competence through the search and implementation of the most effective forms of work;
Create conditions for creative self-expression, self-realization of the subjects of the educational process through joint parent-child activities;
To help in providing parents with special literature and didactic materials for classes with children at home.
For children:
To create favorable conditions together with the family for the formation of integrative qualities in children throughout the preschool age.
Important principles of pedagogical practice:
Encourage, support and respect decisions made by the family. Consider family members as the most important participants in the educational process.
To be flexible and sensitive, to provide all kinds of services designed to improve the life of the child and family. Respect the different cultural values of families, ensure the availability of formal public services, and coordinate these services.
Why is it so important to support this project?
Everything would be fine, but there are families - families of the "risk group", which are very difficult to involve in joint activities. There was an idea to organize a playground "LEGO+DAD+ME" just for such families. But for the organization of this site, funds are needed to purchase sets of LEGO constructors. We really want people who are not indifferent to the younger generation to respond, to give children from the family of the "risk group" to find happiness. The funds invested by users will be spent on the purchase of the Lego We Do robot kit.
“It was only after giving birth that I found out who I married” - most of the sad stories about divorces, broken hearts and abandoned children begin with this phrase. How to choose a man once and for life? Is it possible to recognize the potential of a good father even on the first dates? What should be a modern good father? About all this and much more, we decided to ask not women, but men. Those who, in our opinion, can be called super dads.
Spoon for dad!
Our today's hero is Nikolai Dmitriev. We learned that he is a superdad from the Instagram of his wife, the popular blogger Victoria Dmitrieva. She actively and with pleasure tells her subscribers that she and her husband are a team, and that changing a diaper is not at all a feat for which a man needs to put a monument in the middle of the room, but something normal and self-evident. It was while reading Vika's blog with examples from her and Nikolai's family life that we conceived this special project.
During a personal meeting with Nikolai, we heard a male point of view, which not only did not contradict the stories of his wife, but also made me cry a couple of times. A big and strong man who loves his children and speaks so heartfeltly about his fatherhood - it's very touching.
SUPERDAD with his youngest son
Nikolai Dmitriev
- Age - 33 years.
Sons:
Dima - 5 years old, Leva - 4 years old, Tikhon - 10 months old
Field of activity: investment consulting and educational projects (STP Directorate, Skolkovo Foundation, IIDF, Vita Ventures, School of Adequate Parents)
- The worst memory... when the eldest son fell off the couch headfirst
- I'm afraid the most… to lose children. Sometimes at night I "catch" them in a dream
- The greatest feeling of tenderness... when the son says "daddy" and hugs, kisses
- Hardest of all… maintain established boundaries and punish when rules are not followed
- It turned out to be the easiest…financing children. The topic with huge money for children is overheated and is not such, children require almost no expenses or it turned out to be easier than I expected
- Favorite activity to do with kids… travels. Children rejoice in everything - and after them you begin to notice a lot that you yourself would not pay attention to.
Equation of love: VIKA + KOLYA = DIMA + LEVA + TIKHON
I remember my own childhood from the moment when my mother and I walked hand in hand through the park to kindergarten. She asked me: “Who do you want to be?”. I replied that I wanted to become the Chief. Mainly what exactly, I could not answer. But I remember exactly that in the period of kindergarten age, I saw “becoming the main one” as my main goal for the future.
In the kindergarten in my group there was a bully, a big leader who offended everyone - including me. I then decided to turn to my dad, asked how to defend himself. Dad began to teach me, showed me useful tricks. At that moment, I experienced a very important feeling - that I have a rear. Got some sort of lifelong defense mechanism that now kicks in automatically when it comes to my kids. I immediately intercede and do not let anyone offend the kids. We try to raise our children to be independent, but at the same time, I think it is very important that they also have a sense of this rear from childhood, protection that they can count on in their family.
At the same time, I myself was a rather violent child. I remember how I shouted at the whole park, with tears, sobs. In the summer in the village, if it was noisy, they joked that it was probably Nikolai being taken to the bathhouse. I arranged these tantrums for manipulation, they did not always help to achieve what I wanted, but then I could not cope with the situation otherwise. Now I recognize myself in my eldest son - he also reacts this way to some moments, and I understand him better than all family members, we seem to be from the same test in this sense.
During my school years, I became much more conscious. Perhaps because I had a younger brother. Since then, I began to be considered an exemplary child. I studied mainly with A's, entered a good university, not even one.
Nikolai Dmitriev: For a man, changing a diaper is not a feat, it's just NORMAL. How could it be otherwise? It's your son!
Nikolai Dmitriev: For a man to change his son's diaper is not a feat, it's just NORMAL. How could it be otherwise? It's your son!
ADOLESCENT, YOUTH
In youth, probably, few people think about getting married and having children. I did not have specific goals in the relationship, but I treated them responsibly. Initially, my criteria for choosing girls were the concepts of “beautiful”, “spectacular”, “bright”. This did not lead to good results, because "being with a beautiful girl" is not the right goal. At some point, I got tired of spraying myself, and for myself as a man I formulated several important points.
Firstly, I realized that I was still looking for a serious relationship, that is, I need a person with whom I want to develop relationships, to be together for a long time. Secondly, I thought about the fact that in a relationship we give a person our time, strength, soul and money. If we love, we invest in relationships in a way that, if you think about it, we don’t invest in anything else. This means that my future wife will be my main investment, and at the same time my partner for many years. I decided to approach the choice thoroughly and developed my own test to find the right girl. I had a separate file with questions that I asked myself when meeting. For example, do I want to wake up with this girl. I can’t explain what this feeling is made of, but it is understandable to any man. Just right away - with this one, yes, but with this one, no. On this issue, many candidates were eliminated. The second good filter was the question of whether I want this girl to be the mother of my children. There were girls who were suitable for all other points, and to this question I unequivocally answered myself - no. Again, I will explain for readers - a man does not analyze the components, does not think "but if ..." "what if", "maybe, under some circumstances." He just knows the answer from the first moments of communication.
Another important question was whether the girl and I have common values. It was difficult to quickly get an answer to it, because it takes a long time to communicate with a person in order to understand what his worldview is. Ideally, the values should match. And I came to the conclusion for myself that it is easier for people from the same country, region, city to live together for a long time. Many things are laid down in childhood, shaped by the environment. Not that anyone is better or worse. It's just easier to get along if you both consider the same things to be the norm, and do not prove something to each other endlessly. A Muscovite friend of mine married a Spaniard. During the period of acquaintance, they were attracted to each other by interest, mutually admired by their difference. After 10 years, they began to strain in each other precisely those things that initially attracted them.
Of course, there was also an emotional indicator during acquaintances, but I chose a person in order to live together for a long time, and it is impossible to make such a responsible choice on emotions alone. Here it is useful to be pragmatic at the beginning, so that later you do not break your life, the life of a woman and children.
All you need is LOVE
VICTORIA AS A PERSONAL VICTORY
We met Vika on a dating site. I liked her profile, and I offered to meet. Vika wrote that I was too fast, to which I asked - why pull? We will see each other and in 5 minutes we will understand whether something can work out or not. And if not, save a lot of time. Vika agreed that it was logical. That same evening we met in a cafe. Vika later admitted that the thought immediately flashed through her that I could become a good husband. For myself, I positively answered the main question - Vika could become the mother of my children. In general, I quickly realized that by all criteria it suits me.
Then we had dates, the relationship gradually developed. For me, relationships are like a ladder that you climb step by step. And to roll back, go down a few steps or go from the middle to another staircase is unthinkable. The choice is only at the foot, then the path itself. If I take a step, I am responsible for it. That is why Vika and I even had a conflict. She asked - when will you introduce me as your girlfriend. Many throw words, today one beloved girl, tomorrow another in the same status. And for me it was a responsible decision. When I eventually said so, the next step was the registry office.
There were misfires on our stairs - of course, because of Vicki. (laughs). We even broke up for several months at her initiative. But in the end, she came to her senses and made the right decisions. (laughs)
I think that I, as a man, should be responsible in the family for some fundamental things. You need to consult with your wife, but make the decision yourself - because the responsibility should be on the man. At the same time, Vika is responsible for many moments in the family. We take care of children together.
Even during the period of courtship, I told Vika that if we have children, I want us to do everything together. I have a couple of acquaintances who live in the concept of "the man makes money, and the woman takes care of the children." We are very sorry for them, because when only a woman takes care of a child, this is wrong. A child must have a mother and a father. And if the child is 90% of the time with the mother, then the father does not seem to exist. Moreover, it is believed that a man gets tired, and a woman rests at home. So children are like three jobs. I spend a lot of time with children and I know what I'm talking about, unlike men who have not even tried.
I do venture capital investments as an investment director. In short, we help businessmen bring a new product to the market, find financing for expansion when banks refuse. We help such companies accelerate growth through funds.
When Vika became pregnant, we lived in the center of Moscow. They decided to raise the children in the countryside, in the fresh air, in their own home. And they moved. Of course, getting to work through traffic jams has become very inconvenient.
My position at work was high, and I managed to shape my schedule in such a way as to travel off-peak hours, to save time. At the same time, I worked at least 8 hours a day, and at home I dealt with all important family issues. It seems to me that many men could find such a balance, it is a matter of desire - to spend more time with family or, on the contrary, to run away from home under any pretext.
Nikolai Dmitriev: Vika and I have four children. The first is our relationship. This child is also growing, developing, and it is important to devote time to him!
SUPERPAD
The birth of a child before I became a father was for me something bright beyond my knowledge. There was a feeling that the children were brought to some new, higher level of development. I understood that when they were born, my whole life would change, and I waited for this with reverent awe.
Our first child was planned, we prepared as excellent students - we drank vitamins, went to doctors, to parenthood schools, studied how to calculate the amount of milk. Vika conducted a whole marketing research on maternity hospitals and collected so many things with her for childbirth, as if we were moving.
We had a joint birth with the family ward. Being present at the birth was my personal decision, and I did not understand how it could be otherwise. After all, it will be difficult for the wife after childbirth and she will need help, ranging from emotional support to basic security - for example, to call a doctor. Well, in general, missing the birth of your child is like not going to your wedding. It's one of the most important events in life.
Some men I knew said that I might be shocked by the sight of blood, and then I wouldn’t want a wife at all. Just in case, I looked at a couple of videos on YouTube, I realized that nothing really shocked me. In terms of sex, joint birth does not turn away, but rather gives such a feeling of emotional rapprochement that the relationship then goes to a deeper level. Our joint births are bright and cool moments of our family life, I remember them with tenderness.
The parenthood preparation courses that Vika and I attended only led me astray. We were drawn integrals for calculating the amount of breast milk - and I, being a candidate of science, could not understand why all this was needed at all. And then Dima was born and trash began. For the first six months, he only screamed, almost did not sleep at all, and this was a real challenge. It seemed to me that all children behave this way, and when I came to work after sleepless nights and saw other young fathers there, I personally shook hands with everyone simply because they got to work. I hired two full-time nannies, because at some point Vika and I felt that everything, this is the end, we will simply die from lack of sleep if we don’t do something about it. Now we can cope with three children without nannies, but then it was just a vital necessity. Only by the third child, we realized that all children are different, and some sleep quite soundly and yell not 24 hours a day. Here is our third son - this is a gift option.
Relationship with the child
1. Study is my child's own business.
Relationship with the teacher
1. I do not interfere in the educational process.
(I give the teacher the opportunity to work according to the program and those textbooks according to which he considers necessary.)
2. I am ready to listen to the teacher if there are problems and he thinks that I should know about it. If necessary, I am ready to solve the problem together with the teacher.
3. My child has the right not to study, the teacher has the right to react to this as he sees fit.
(Lessons are not done and the teacher thinks that it should be given a "2". No problem. I will not run around and beg for grades.)
4. I discuss the school with the child, but do not humiliate the teachers, do not drop their authority in the eyes of the child.
I am ready to comply with all of the above, but in return, I want from the school:
1. Security.
The child will not be poisoned in the dining room, he will be stuffed in the face and the phone will not be “squeezed out”. Bullying, trolling and other hazing should not be in the school.
If an emergency occurs, then an ambulance will be instantly called for my child.
I am adequate and will not give my child a diamond necklace, a 145th iPhone and a few thousand dollars in my wallet, so that I can hysteria later that they were stolen.
I am adequate and understand that a child can slip and fall on the stairs, and I will not sue the PE teacher if the child hits the ball with his hand.
Photo source: e2sport.com
2. Opportunities to gain knowledge if the child wants it.
Here I am not ready to argue what the school should or should not do if the child does NOT want to study.
But if the child WANTS, then the school MUST give him the opportunity.
Ideally, at any level.
Yes, I want my child (if he wants) to sit in a corner, littered up to his ears with Olympiad problems in his favorite subject, and not spit at the ceiling, because he is mortally bored in class.
3. Teachers as people with higher pedagogical education.
Understandable, right? They were taught, they are aware of the psychology of adolescents, they know the methods. They know how to explain.
4. Teachers who, within the framework of the program, are fluent in the subject they teach.
5. Teachers who evaluate only knowledge in a particular subject.
This is a redundant item if item 3 is fulfilled, but very urgent. Grades in physics are given for knowledge of physics. Not for “being rude to the teacher, to the ball below”, not for the length of the skirt and lipstick, but not for visiting the theater, subbotnik, going to hockey and other joys.
Photo source: pixabay.com
Conflict resolution
1. I will be on the side of the child in any conflict situation. I will protect him, his child is right, and I will support him if he is wrong. But I will not allow anyone to infringe, insult and humiliate my child.
2. If I think that the teacher is not coping with his duties, I have the right to speak about it. And I have the right to demand a replacement.
3. I am not obliged to obey the initiatives of the Ministry of Education, if it is not spelled out in the Education Code.
In the Code there is neither a compulsory school uniform, nor concerts to which graduates are required to attend, nor a subscription that will not be mentioned by nightfall. Everything that is done for my money can be done only with my voluntary consent.
What points can you add to the Code?
