Highly sensitive people, or “new introverts,” are the names of those who react more sharply than others to noise or fuss, quickly get tired of society and love solitude. These people subtly feel the world and pay attention to the smallest details, so they often make excellent poets, artists and writers. However, it’s hard for them to live among others: too often they have to make excuses for their fatigue and unsociableness, criticism hurts too much, too much energy is spent on empathy, as well as on meeting the standards accepted in society.
Ilse Sand, a Danish writer and certified psychotherapist, who has experienced first hand all the hardships and joys of the life of highly sensitive people, tells how new introverts can finally stop trying to rebuild themselves and start living their own pleasure in harmony with themselves and their feelings.
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Preface to the second edition
I am glad to present you the second edition of the book Close to the Heart. So far, the fourth printing of the first edition has ended in stores - in other words, more than 5,000 copies have already been sold. The book has also been translated into Swedish, and the included test is used by psychologists throughout Scandinavia.
I supplemented the second edition with a chapter devoted to scientific research on this issue. In addition, I have removed the discussions on anger, as they are reproduced in full in the book New Paths in the Labyrinth of Feelings, and also included a number of reflections on other relevant topics in the new edition.
Foreword
This book is designed for people with hypersensitivity, psychologically too vulnerable. But it was also written for people with an ordinary level of sensitivity, since life often brings them together with extremely impressionable personalities.
Throughout my life, I managed to visit a priest and a psychotherapist, thanks to which I met a lot of people. Talking with the most sensitive of them, I realized every time that I would be of real help to such people, just by telling them about this feature of their nature.
For this reason, in this book, I have chosen to pay special attention to the stories of those patients and clients through which we understand what it means to be so vulnerable in the modern world. All the patients I cite in this work are highly sensitive, but in some cases we can recognize ourselves.
I have repeatedly seen living evidence of how a person still managed to get along with his own sensitivity, gain courage and become himself, and therefore I sincerely hope that this book will help many other people in this.
In chapter 1 I describe the character traits of sensitive natures. There are no identical people, and hypersensitive people are no exception. Perhaps in some of the examples I have described you will recognize yourself, and some others, on the contrary, will not be easy to understand. However, I hope that these tips will be useful to you, even if only some of the traits I have described seem familiar.
The chapters can be read separately, independently of each other, so if you find some of them too easy or, conversely, too overloaded with theoretical calculations, I recommend that you just scroll through them without reading.
At the end of the book there is a test recently developed by Danish scientists, thanks to which you can determine the level of your own sensitivity. In addition, in this book you will find a list of activities that bring joy and peace to sensitive people. This list contains various activities that are most suitable for both those who have enough strength and those who are looking for peace.
Introduction
Sensitivity or, as psychologists call it, sensitivity, is a quality that can be considered both a punishment and a godsend. Personally, for many years I considered it a hindrance, believing that in some situations it limited my actions. And I considered myself an introvert until I read about the character traits of people with hypersensitivity.
During lectures at the university, I always took a break and told students that I needed to be alone for a while. People around always treated such requests with understanding. In addition, there were often people among the listeners who later informed me that sometimes they also felt the need to be alone. As a rule, they also thanked me for daring to admit this fact aloud.
Considering this feature of my own as a hindrance, I will nevertheless be immodest and say that it is compensated by many other qualities. I have a highly developed imagination - for example, I always come up with and develop topics for a lecture course very quickly, thanks to which I have found excellent speakers and lecturers over the years.
Self-esteem in many hypersensitive individuals is underestimated. It seems to us that completely different behavioral types are valued in the outside world. Some sensitive people have confessed to me that all their lives they went out of their way to keep up with others and meet other people's expectations. And only when they retired did they get the opportunity to live calmly and “slowly”. Surely you, too, at times want to learn how to live without worries, to “harden” a little and experience the same feelings that most of the people around you experience. Loving yourself, so vulnerable and sensitive, is very difficult - especially when life requires completely opposite qualities from you. Perhaps you have already tried to re-educate yourself for the sake of other people's requirements - and therefore now you need to learn again to love the real you, the way you really are. The first step in this direction is to learn to evaluate not the quantity of your actions, but their quality. You may have time to do much less than others, but everything that you do is most likely done very well. In other words, you are clearly not a champion in long jumps, but few people can compete with you in high jumps.
Comparing myself over the years with those around me, I constantly came to the conclusion that I was not up to par. This upset me terribly, and so I tried to avoid such thoughts, trying to focus on my positive qualities.
Perhaps you, too, are tormented by the realization that you do not know much. But as soon as you start thinking about it, those around you immediately notice the shortcoming you have discovered. Perhaps you are not as efficient as others, but as soon as you notice this, your colleagues also do not remain indifferent: “What, are you going home? Already?" And after that, you completely forget that in a relatively short time spent at work, you managed to do as many things as an ordinary person would not have done in a day.
I sincerely hope that this book will help sensitive individuals and just vulnerable people to pay attention to the positive qualities that they possess.
Increased sensitivity most often enriches the personality ... This advantage can turn into a huge disadvantage only in the most difficult and unusual situations, when self-control collapses under the influence of out of control feelings.
It would be a huge mistake to consider sensitivity as a painful component of personality. If this were true, then approximately one-fourth of the entire population of the earth could be called pathologically ill.
C. G. Jung, 1955
Chapter 1
Hypersensitivity - what is it?
Two different subspecies
Approximately every fifth individual is characterized by increased psychological vulnerability, and this applies not only to people. Higher vertebrates can also be conditionally divided into two groups - sensitive and coarser. The latter are determined and more willing to take risks.
We humans are divided not only by gender, but also by belonging to one of two psychological types. And the difference between these types is often more significant than between the sexes.
Hypersensitivity is a phenomenon noticed by psychologists for a long time, but before it was called differently, for example, introversion. According to the American psychologist Elaine Eyron, who first described the features of a hypersensitive personality, she herself believed for some time that introversion and hypersensitivity were the same thing, until she found that 30% of hypersensitive people are extroverts.
“Hypersensitive individuals are called constrained, anxious or shy. These qualities can really manifest themselves if such people find themselves in an unusual environment, not finding support and help from others. However, it should be noted that, despite the difficulties that we experience in unusual conditions, in a familiar and peaceful environment, we are happier than everyone else.
That we are more difficult to tolerate unfamiliar environments and are happier in a calm atmosphere is scientifically proven: according to a study, children whose reaction to difficulties was sharply negative (that is, hypersensitive children) were more likely to get sick and make mistakes when they found themselves in a hostile environment. However, in a familiar peaceful environment, the same children got sick less often than the rest.
Observation and thoughtfulness
The nervous system of hypersensitive individuals is distinguished by a special sensitivity. We notice many nuances and analyze them deeper than everyone else. We have a rich imagination and vivid imagination, thanks to which even the most insignificant events of the surrounding reality encourage us to build hypotheses and draw conclusions. Thus, our internal "hard drive" fills up faster, and we experience overexcitation.
From an overabundance of impressions, I personally get the feeling that more information simply won’t fit into my head. When I communicate with unfamiliar people, a similar feeling can occur in about half an hour or an hour. I am quite capable of pulling myself together and carrying on a conversation, listening to the interlocutor and pretending that everything is as it should be. However, it takes a lot of strength for me, and afterwards I feel completely overwhelmed.
There is nothing wrong with overexcitation, but if you are hypersensitive, then in such a situation you will feel an overabundance of information earlier than ordinary people, which will cause a desire to withdraw and withdraw into yourself.
You may recognize yourself in the description below. Eric (48) says that when he is overexcited, he tries to hide and be alone with himself for a while, but secretly, because he is afraid that others will consider him arrogant, uncommunicative or withdrawn:
During big family celebrations, such as birthdays, I often lock myself in the closet, look in the mirror, and wash my hands for a long time, thoroughly lathering them. But at this moment, someone is sure to pull the handle of the toilet door, and I have to leave my quiet and peaceful refuge. One day I decided to hide behind a newspaper - I sat in a corner, unfolded the newspaper, brought it closer to my face and closed my eyes, enjoying the peace. But my uncle, a well-known joker, quietly crept up to me, snatched the newspaper from my hands and announced loudly: “Aha! Here is our recluse and got caught! Everyone laughed, and I was ready to fall through the ground.
Eric, 48
You, as a hypersensitive person, are quickly tired not only of negative impressions - even when you are at a fun holiday, at a certain moment you seem to be oversaturated, and in the midst of the celebration you feel an acute desire to withdraw into yourself. At times like this, this shortcoming depresses us a lot, because most of the time we want to be as “hardy” as everyone else. Leaving the holiday before everyone else, we, firstly, feel embarrassed in front of the hosts, who beg us to stay. Secondly, we ourselves are sorry to leave the holiday and we are afraid to seem boring or ignorant to other guests.
The cause of increased excitability lies in our overly sensitive nervous system, but thanks to it we are able to experience genuine joy.
For example, those pleasant and calm impressions that arise when we listen to music or birdsong, look at pictures, inhale aromas, taste something tasty or admire a majestic landscape, awaken in us a feeling akin to inner jubilation. We are able to fully appreciate the beautiful, and this gives us incomparable pleasure.
sensitivity to sensations
If you are hypersensitive, you may find it difficult to distract yourself from extraneous sounds, smells, or visual stimuli. At times, sensations imposed from the outside drive you crazy. Sounds that people around you barely notice seem like a terrible noise that interferes with your concentration.
For example, on New Year's Eve, the sky, colored with fireworks, will surely delight you, which cannot be said about the explosions of firecrackers. It seems that these sounds penetrate every cell, play on the nerves, so on New Year's Eve and after it you are not yourself.
When I lecture or take therapy sessions with hypersensitive individuals, I ask the audience to share their best and worst experiences. Often, New Year's Eve falls into the list of the worst, and the reason for this is the explosions of firecrackers. Supersensitive people are annoyed even by completely harmless sounds - for example, steps in the apartment from above. In addition, they are distinguished by a very sensitive sleep.
From the outside, the hypersensitive seem to be very picky: in particular, they can not stand the cold and draft, so they try to avoid outdoor parties. A visit to the hairdresser sometimes turns into a real torture because of the harsh chemical odors. Visiting smokers, they also have a hard time. Even if the owner tries not to smoke in front of the guest, the smell of tobacco, eaten into the furniture and curtains, will certainly reach the sensitive nose. I was told about one poor fellow who even quit his job because his colleagues were constantly listening to the radio and it prevented him from concentrating.
Hypersensitive individuals are rare guests in a cafe where loud music is playing or too crowded. It is generally difficult for highly sensitive people to find a cafe to their taste - especially if they are tired, hungry and not walking alone.
I'm so hard to please that sometimes I hate myself. Less fastidious do not even imagine how easy life is for them!
Susanna, 23 years old
As highly sensitive people, many things are not easy for us. Our pain threshold is lower than others, and therefore the hostility from the outside world hurts us much more.
Impressionability
Many hypersensitive natures admit that they hate quarrels and swearing. They can hardly stand it when others quarrel or are simply in a bad mood. However, this feature also has its advantages: we are able to be sensitive and responsive to the feelings of others. For this reason, we often choose professions that enable us to help others, and we often succeed in this endeavor.
Hypersensitive people who work in the healthcare system report that they often feel exhausted at the end of the working day. Due to our impressionability, excessive sensitivity and inability to abstract, we allow other people's experiences to influence us and therefore, when we come home, we still think about work.
If your work is connected with people, I advise you to take care of yourself, because stress leads to the most deplorable consequences.
I am often asked whether it is possible to get rid of excessive impressionability in oneself. Thanks to hypersensitivity, a person has a kind of invisible antennas that allow him to capture the mood of others. From time to time, I myself want to get rid of these antennae forever and thus cut off the endless stream of impressions. I want to be blind, deaf and insensible. And although this is most likely impossible, any of us is quite capable of controlling our own perception.
If you feel that your friend or colleague is not happy with you, you can draw one of two conclusions: “He is angry with me. What did I do wrong? or "He just doesn't know how to solve his own problems, and that's why he's upset." By choosing the second way of reasoning, you will significantly reduce the degree of your own experiences. In chapter 8, I explain the relationship between feelings and thoughts in more detail.
Under favorable circumstances, excessive sensitivity brings certain benefits. So, psychologist and neurologist Susan Hart noted the following pattern:
Babies who are more responsive to their environment are more likely to respond to stimuli. If at the same time the child is surrounded by love and brought up in a calm environment, then he shows a greater interest in life and the ability to empathize, knows how to rejoice and more easily achieves a state of harmony with the outside world.
Susan Hart, 2009
Highly sensitive people who grew up in a favorable environment learn from childhood to see a certain advantage in their features. However, those who did not receive affection and love in childhood, having matured, can also learn to support themselves and manage their lives in such a way as to turn hypersensitivity into an advantage.
Responsibility and integrity
An experiment involving highly sensitive four-year-olds showed that these children were less likely to lie, break rules less often, and act selfishly less often, even when they thought no one was watching. In addition, they solve moral dilemmas in a more socially responsible way.
Many highly sensitive individuals sometimes take responsibility for the whole world. Often, from a very early age, we catch discontent from others and do our best to correct the situation.
Feeling that my mother was unhappy with something, I was ready to do anything to help her, and came up with different ways to make her life easier. One day, for example, I decided that I would smile at everyone we met on the street - both acquaintances and strangers. I thought that in this case they would all decide that my mother is a real sorceress, because she managed to raise such a cute child.
Hanna, 57 years old
Feeling disharmony, you immediately try to correct the situation and take control of the situation. For example, if someone is having an argument at a party, you patiently listen to the dissatisfied, try to console them, or suggest different ways to solve their problem. As a result, you soon get tired and leave the party, and former enemies forget about the quarrel and continue to have fun.
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Approximately every fifth individual is characterized by increased psychological vulnerability, and this applies not only to people. Higher vertebrates can also be divided into two groups - sensitive and coarser. The latter are determined and more willing to take risks. We humans are divided not only by gender, but also by belonging to one of two psychological types. And the difference between these types is often more significant than between the sexes.
Hypersensitivity is a phenomenon noticed by psychologists for a long time, but before it was called differently, for example, introversion. According to the American psychologist Elaine Eyron, who first described the features of a hypersensitive personality, she herself believed for some time that introversion and hypersensitivity were one and the same, until she found that 30% of hypersensitive people are extroverts.
“Hypersensitive individuals are called constrained, anxious or shy. These qualities can really manifest themselves if such people find themselves in an unusual environment, not finding support and help from others. However, it should be noted that, despite the difficulties that we experience in unusual conditions, in a familiar and peaceful environment, we are happier than everyone else.
That we are more difficult to tolerate unfamiliar environments and are happier in a calm atmosphere is scientifically proven: according to a study, children whose reaction to difficulties was sharply negative (that is, hypersensitive children) were more likely to get sick and make mistakes when they found themselves in a hostile environment. However, in a familiar peaceful environment, the same children got sick less often than the rest.
Observation and thoughtfulness
The nervous system of hypersensitive individuals is distinguished by a special sensitivity. We notice many nuances and analyze them deeper than everyone else. We have a rich imagination and vivid imagination, thanks to which even the most insignificant events of the surrounding reality encourage us to build hypotheses and draw conclusions. Thus, our internal "hard drive" fills up faster, and we experience overexcitation.
From an overabundance of impressions, I personally get the feeling that more information simply won’t fit into my head. When I communicate with unfamiliar people, a similar feeling can occur in about half an hour or an hour. I am quite capable of pulling myself together and carrying on a conversation, listening to the interlocutor and pretending that everything is as it should be. However, it takes a lot of strength for me, and afterwards I feel completely overwhelmed.
There is nothing wrong with overexcitation, but if you are hypersensitive, then in such a situation you will feel an overabundance of information earlier than ordinary people, which will cause a desire to withdraw and withdraw into yourself. You may recognize yourself in the description below. Eric says that when overexcited, he tries to hide and be alone with himself for a while, but secretly, because he is afraid that others will consider him arrogant, unsociable or withdrawn:
During big family celebrations - birthdays, for example, I often lock myself in the toilet, look in the mirror and wash my hands for a long time, thoroughly lathering them. But at this moment, someone is sure to pull the handle of the toilet door, and I have to leave my quiet and peaceful refuge. Once I decided to hide behind a newspaper - I sat in a corner, unfolded the newspaper, brought it closer to my face and closed my eyes, enjoying the peace. But my uncle, a well-known joker, quietly crept up to me, snatched the newspaper from my hands and announced loudly: “Aha! Here is our recluse and got caught! Everyone laughed, and I was ready to fall through the ground.
Eric, 48
You, as a hypersensitive person, are quickly tired not only by negative impressions - even when you are at a fun holiday, at a certain moment you seem to be oversaturated, and in the midst of the celebration you feel an acute desire to withdraw into yourself. At times like this, this shortcoming depresses us a lot, because most of the time we want to be as “hardy” as everyone else. Leaving the holiday before everyone else, we, firstly, feel embarrassed in front of the hosts, who beg us to stay. Secondly, we ourselves are sorry to leave the holiday and we are afraid to seem boring or ignorant to other guests.
The cause of increased excitability lies in our overly sensitive nervous system, but thanks to it we are able to experience genuine joy.
For example, those pleasant and calm impressions that arise when we listen to music or birdsong, look at pictures, inhale aromas, taste something tasty or admire a majestic landscape, awaken in us a feeling akin to inner jubilation. We are able to fully appreciate the beautiful, and this gives us incomparable pleasure.
sensitivity to sensations
If you are hypersensitive, you may find it difficult to distract yourself from extraneous sounds, smells, or visual stimuli. At times, sensations imposed from the outside drive you crazy. Sounds that people around you barely notice seem like a terrible noise that interferes with your concentration.
For example, on New Year's Eve, the sky, colored with fireworks, will surely delight you, which cannot be said about the explosions of firecrackers. It seems that these sounds penetrate every cell, play on the nerves, so on New Year's Eve and after it you are not yourself.
When I lecture or take therapy sessions with hypersensitive individuals, I ask the audience to share their best and worst experiences. Often, New Year's Eve falls into the list of the worst, and the reason for this is the explosions of firecrackers.
Supersensitive people are annoyed even by completely harmless sounds - for example, steps in an apartment from above. In addition, they are distinguished by a very sensitive sleep. From the outside, the hypersensitive seem to be very picky: in particular, they can not stand the cold and draft, so they try to avoid outdoor parties. A visit to the hairdresser sometimes turns into a real torture because of the harsh chemical odors. Visiting smokers, they also have a hard time. Even if the owner tries not to smoke in front of the guest, the smell of tobacco, eaten into the furniture and curtains, will certainly reach the sensitive nose. I was told about one poor fellow who even quit his job because his colleagues were constantly listening to the radio and it prevented him from concentrating.
Hypersensitive individuals are rare guests in a cafe where loud music is played or too crowded. It is generally difficult for highly sensitive people to find a cafe to their taste - especially if they are tired, hungry and not walking alone.
I'm so hard to please that sometimes I hate myself. Less fastidious do not even imagine how easy life is for them!
Susanna, 23 years old
As highly sensitive people, many things are not easy for us. Our pain threshold is lower than others, and therefore the hostility from the outside world hurts us much more.
Impressionability
Many hypersensitive natures admit that they hate quarrels and swearing. They can hardly stand it when others quarrel or are simply in a bad mood. However, this feature also has its advantages: we are able to be sensitive and responsive to the feelings of others. For this reason, we often choose professions that enable us to help others, and we often succeed in this endeavor.
Hypersensitive people who work in the healthcare system report that they often feel exhausted at the end of the working day. Due to our impressionability, excessive sensitivity and inability to abstract, we allow other people's experiences to influence us and therefore, when we come home, we still think about work.
If your work is connected with people, I advise you to take care of yourself, because stress leads to the most deplorable consequences.
I am often asked whether it is possible to get rid of excessive impressionability in oneself. Thanks to hypersensitivity, a person has peculiar invisible antennas that allow him to capture the mood of others. From time to time, I myself want to get rid of these antennae forever and thus cut off the endless stream of impressions.
I want to be blind, deaf and insensible. And although this is most likely impossible, any of us is quite capable of controlling our own perception.
If you feel that your friend or colleague is not happy with you, you can draw one of two conclusions: “He is angry with me. What did I do wrong? or "He just doesn't know how to solve his own problems, and that's why he's upset." By choosing the second way of reasoning, you will significantly reduce the degree of your own experiences. In chapter 8, I explain the relationship between feelings and thoughts in more detail.
Under favorable circumstances, excessive sensitivity brings certain benefits. So, psychologist and neurologist Susan Hart noted the following pattern:
Babies who are more responsive to their environment are more likely to respond to stimuli. If at the same time the child is surrounded by love and brought up in a calm environment, then he shows a greater interest in life and the ability to empathize, knows how to rejoice and more easily achieves a state of harmony with the outside world.
Susan Hart, 2009
Highly sensitive people who grew up in a favorable environment learn from childhood to see a certain advantage in their features. However, those who did not receive affection and love in childhood, having matured, can also learn to support themselves and manage their lives in such a way as to turn hypersensitivity into an advantage.
Responsibility
and conscientiousness
An experiment involving highly sensitive four-year-olds showed that these children were less likely to lie, break rules less often, and act selfishly less often, even when they thought no one was watching. In addition, they solve moral dilemmas in a more socially responsible way.
Many highly sensitive individuals sometimes take responsibility for the whole world. Often, from a very early age, we catch discontent from others and do our best to correct the situation.
Feeling that my mother was unhappy with something, I was ready to do anything to help her, and came up with different ways to make her life easier. One day, for example, I decided that I would smile at everyone we met on the street - both acquaintances and strangers. I thought that in this case they would all decide that my mother is a real sorceress, because she managed to raise such a sweet child.
Hanna, 57 years old
Feeling disharmony, you immediately try to correct the situation and take control of the situation. For example, if someone is having an argument at a party, you patiently listen to the dissatisfied, try to console them, or suggest different ways to solve their problem. As a result, you soon get tired and leave the party, and former enemies forget about the quarrel and continue to have fun.
Responsibility is a good quality, but it is not useful in all situations. The main reason that does not allow you to remain indifferent is that other people's experiences greatly affect you and you begin to get nervous. On the other hand, taking responsibility for the whole world is pointless. By taking responsibility for something, you are depriving someone else of responsibility, who could do with learning to take responsibility for their own actions.
By learning to stay away from other people's quarrels, I certainly extended my life.
Egon, 62 years old
Highly sensitive individuals often consider themselves responsible for the bad mood of others and therefore try to be extremely delicate. Thick-skinned people are less likely to think about the consequences of their words and deeds, which often hurt highly sensitive people.
When talking to me, hypersensitive people often admit that an offensive or even just a careless statement they heard in their address completely unsettles them. They expect from others the same sensitivity that they themselves show, but in vain - most people are absolutely indifferent to the feelings of others. And it’s better to be prepared for this than to be horrified over and over again.
It is logical to assume that because of such scrupulousness, you slowly establish contact with other people, and often lose in disputes, because a witty answer comes to your mind only after a couple of days. I will make a reservation, however, that hypersensitive individuals not always are sensitive, sensitive and responsible. In a state of overexcitation, we become completely unbearable and are capable of rash acts.
Do you know who they are highly sensitive personalities? Or maybe you, without knowing it, are such a person? Read on and you will learn a lot of interesting things!
6. They enjoy being alone.
They love being alone because it allows them to be alone with themselves and their emotions.
Therefore, they are usually referred to as introverts. This is probably due to hypersensitivity, which makes it more difficult for them to interact with the outside world.
7. They know how to sacrifice themselves
They always want to help other people and make their lives as easy as possible. High sensitivity brings the realization that they can make the world a little better.
8. They cry and laugh
Highly sensitive individuals live in a world of emotions and are able to switch quickly. That is why they can quickly let go of the shackling heavy thoughts and look at the world in a new way.
9. Thoughtful and responsible
That is why they work well in a team and successfully fulfill all their goals and objectives. If you are working on any project with such a person, consider yourself lucky. He will give 100% to his common cause.
Text: Grisha Prophets
Highly sensitive people, or highly sensitive people, especially susceptible to external stimulation, the emotions of others, and the details of the world around them in general. We tell you who they are and how to understand if you are one of them.
Who are highly sensitive people?
Highly sensitive people (we will call them highly sensitive people), or HSP, or HSP are people who react more intensely than others to the world around them. Both positive and negative information are processed more attentively by such people, so they can be overwhelmed and overwhelmed by external stimuli - when they are too much or they are too intense. Such people pay a lot of attention to all sensations: tastes, touches, sounds and smells. They are especially sensitive to emotions, their own and others. The press calls them new introverts: highly sensitive people have been especially written about lately, although the phenomenon was defined back in the mid-90s.
Who introduced this concept?
Psychologist Elaine N. Aron identified highly sensitive people for the first time
in his book The Highly Sensitive Person, published in 1996. Aron lived in San Francisco and began studying HSP with her husband Arthur in 1991. Aron describes HSPs as those who are "increasedly sensitive to stimulation" and who are "more aware of details and nuances and process information more deeply, more reflectively than others." Aron believed that Carl Jung, Emily Dickinson, and Rainer Maria Rilke were highly sensitive people and that they generally "are usually poets, writers, teachers, doctors, scientists, and philosophers." It is believed that 20% of the world's population are highly sensitive people.
Why are they suddenly talking about?
The term and Aron's book didn't just lie in oblivion, no - other researchers wrote about HSPs, and scientific articles were published about them, but it was in recent years that the media paid special attention to them. The Huffington Post wrote about how highly sensitive people interact with the world differently, The Wall Street Journal wrote about the phenomenon, even Scientific American remembered Aron and her ideas. In the scientific world, interest in them is also increasing: for example, the first conference dedicated to high sensitivity was held in Brussels. A documentary film called “Sensitive” is being released about the HSP phenomenon, in which, for example, singer Alanis Morissette, who considers herself a highly sensitive person, starred.
Why single out highly sensitive people when introverts already exist?
Because this is a psychological - and neurobiological - category of people according to completely different indicators. Aron developed a 27-point sensitivity scale to highlight HSPs; and, as with introverts, it's not just a binary system, you're not just either a highly sensitive person or not, there is a gradation here. If introverts are primarily defined by their relationships with other people, highly sensitive people are generally defined by their relationship to the world. However, like introverts, HSPs may like to be alone to give their brain a break from stimulation. For example, if you often cry at the cinema, or you are annoyed by strong smells, or you are imbued with the emotions of other people at the most unexpected moments. And this is important to study: because if you understand that you are a highly sensitive person, you can better arrange your life, for example, try to work in quiet and calm places.
Do HSPs really exist?
Oh sure. They are distinguished by many psychologists and neuroscientists. Hundreds of studies have been devoted to high sensitivity, from brain scans to genetic analyses. Research into the brains of HSPs shows that their brain processes are different from those of other people: HSPs are more empathetic, more aware of their surroundings, and more understanding of other people. The catch is that, of course, there is a trap here, as with introverts: after the word and idea became popular, many began to call themselves highly sensitive people, even those who technically do not belong to them. Everyone wants to consider themselves special, so I want to believe that we understand the world around us deeper and more subtle than others.
Hypersensitivity refers to excessive psychological vulnerability. It is expressed in increased sensitivity, anxiety, high susceptibility to any sensations. For a long time, such people were considered introverts, but modern research has shown that among hypersensitive people, only 70% are introverts, the remaining 30% are extroverts.
What other qualities are inherent in such people? “The nervous system of hypersensitive individuals is distinguished by a special sensitivity,” explains Ilse Sand, Danish writer, psychotherapist and bestselling author of "Close to the Heart. How to live if you are too sensitive person." We notice many nuances and analyze them deeper than everyone else. We have a rich imagination and a vivid imagination. Thanks to their active work, our "hard drive" fills up faster, and we experience overexcitation. There is nothing to worry about, but if you are hypersensitive, then in a situation of intense communication you will feel an overabundance of information earlier than ordinary people, which will cause a desire to withdraw and leave.
However, it is these traits, according to many psychologists, that can enrich the lives of hypersensitive people. “The cause of increased excitability lies in our overly sensitive nervous system, but thanks to it we are able to experience genuine joy,” notes Ilse Sand.
It is hypersensitivity that makes us more creative, responsible, sensitive and attentive to others (which they no doubt appreciate).
True, this medal has a reverse side. “Hypersensitives expect from others the same sensitivity that they show themselves, but in vain - most people are absolutely indifferent to the feelings of others. And it’s better to be prepared for this than to be horrified over and over again,” reminds Ilse Sand.
Too sensitive people: how to make your life easier
The first and most important thing to do, according to the author of the book, is admit that you are different from the rest, and stop considering your features as something bad.
The second important step is be more gentle . As Ilse Sand notes, very sensitive people often have high standards for themselves and low self-esteem. “High standards must be strictly controlled, otherwise there is a high probability of mental overstrain. You need to focus on your own life principles and start the process of pacification. The rest is a matter of practice, says Ilse Sand. “Feeling that you can be yourself and not have to be overly helpful will have a positive effect on your self-esteem.”
* Find an activity you enjoy and return to it regularly. “Go for a walk and admire nature, pamper your senses with a bouquet of fragrant flowers, listen to good music, start journaling, write poetry or prose, spend time with someone you really care about,” writes Ilse Sand.
* Learn to say "no". In the absence of this skill, you will constantly suffer from overload and overwork. Don't worry: a politely worded rejection is unlikely to offend anyone.
* Don't wish for the impossible. “Maybe you have been reproaching yourself for many years in a row because you do not have enough strength for everything that others are doing. Or get angry at yourself and force yourself into activities that overload your nervous system. This happens because you refuse to come to terms with the peculiarities of your personality and want to prove that the level of your abilities is no different from the level of the abilities of most others, the Danish psychotherapist explains. - Stop going out of your way, proving to others that you are as strong as they are, allow yourself to be soft and sensitive, adjust your life exclusively for yourself and suddenly you will find that the state of happiness is very different from your usual feelings of eternal pursuit and fight."
Recognizing your characteristics and learning to live in accordance with them is perhaps the main step towards peace with yourself.
