Patterson Serious Talk About Responsibility pdf.

Kerry Patterson, Ron Macmillan, Al Switzler, Joseph Grenny, David Maxfield

Serious talk about responsibility. Dealing with disappointed expectations, broken promises, and misbehavior

Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, David Maxfield, Ron McMillan, and Al Switzler

Crucial Accountability

Tools for Resolving Violated Expectations, Broken Commitments, and Bad Behavior

Published with permission from McGraw-Hill Companies

All rights reserved. No part of the electronic version of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any means, including posting on the Internet and corporate networks, for private and public use, without the written permission of the copyright owner.

Legal support of the publishing house is provided by the law firm "Vegas-Lex"

* * *

This book is well complemented by:

Key negotiations

Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron Macmillan and Al Switzler

I hear right through you

Mark Goulston

Negotiations without defeat

Roger Fisher

Communication Mastery

Paul McGee

Rescue the hostage

George Colrieser

We dedicate this book to THE WORLD'S BEST LEADERS - those managers, supervisors, assistants, team players, parents, colleagues, and craftsmen who, in everyday life, dare to address (even very difficult) problems and confidently call people to account. Thanks for your example. Thanks for teaching us

Foreword

I read this book, and the same picture always appeared before my inner eye: J. Watson and Francis Crick, in a relentless search for a solution to the great mystery of life, discover the structure of the DNA molecule. This discovery changed the world forever. Next stop is Stockholm in December.

Is my statement absurd? I think no.

War and peace, health and physical and mental suffering, marriage and divorce, complete failure and Olympic success - all these fundamental points, in fact, depend on whether relationships between people work well (or do not work) in married couples, small organizations such as a twenty-table restaurant or the financial department of a company with twenty employees, and huge corporations such as armies or Fortune 50 companies, or in countries on the brink of war and genocide.

Introducing the new Watson and Crick and an essential element of organizational DNA - serious conversations about accountability. Some well-known managers in the field of management have made a career out of saying that it is worth "setting up a strategy, and everything else will follow." Others grumble: “Strategy-schmathy… The most important thing is business processes. They separate the winners from the losers." There are those who are sure that for the effectiveness of the organization there is nothing more important than choosing the right leader.

No doubt there is some truth in all this. (Over the years, I myself have held each of these opinions, and quite firmly.) However, all these "expert" concepts, designed to explain why not all organizations perform equally well, something is missing. Perhaps the idea of organizational DNA that determines "stellar" results.

Yes, I am just as strongly convinced of the importance of this book. Perhaps because I saw my own great strategies evaporate in the blink of an eye, and I had to have a serious conversation about responsibility with colleagues or employees. Again and again…

So why did we have to wait for this book to be published? Perhaps it's just time. We used to live in a more tolerant world: preparations for war could take decades. Corporate inefficiency could take forever to flare up. Unhappy marriages dragged on for years and decades.

But not today. The market no longer forgives mistakes. One hit—whether it's a new product launch or a terrorist bomb—and you (we!) are gone. That is why sustainable corporate performance, which is essentially the effectiveness of relationships between people, is so important today everywhere - from the headquarters of the CIA to the board of Walmart.

There is no doubt that this book is an original and bold step forward. Like any good scientific work, it is built on a solid foundation of previous discoveries. The clever trick here is the inventive application of the best research in relational and social psychology from the second half of the last century to a very specific topic - a serious conversation about responsibility, and issues such as performance and trust. And this is precisely what maintains or destroys the effectiveness of relationships and organizations.

The main hypothesis of this work is very deep. The use of evidence from research is masterful. Explanations and examples are convincing and clear. Those of us who have been floundering in troubled waters for decades will be able to turn the thoughts gleaned from this book into practical ideas and sound advice.

By the way, if you're going to read no more than one book about management this decade, let it be A Serious Talk About Responsibility.

Tom Peters

Note to readers

This book is a natural extension of our work, Difficult Dialogues: What and How to Say When the Stakes Are High. Those who have read or heard about this book are probably wondering: what is the difference between difficult dialogues and serious conversations about responsibility? We are happy to answer this question.

Difficult conversations take place when the stakes are high, the emotions are strong, and the options are plentiful. And talking about responsibility is just a special case, one of the varieties of discussions. After the parties have come to an understanding and things have been distributed - in other words, everything goes on as usual - someone does not cope with his assignment.

A serious conversation about responsibility begins with the question: why did someone not keep their promise? And it ends not only when a solution is found, but also when the task is completed, both sides come to an agreement and relations are strengthened. In short, serious accountability conversations are tough, complex, and often hard-hitting performance discussions that keep us awake at night.

That's how our two books are connected. The second develops the principles outlined in the first, briefly repeating its fundamental concepts. Almost everything in this book that deals with broken promises, however, is new material. Read this book, put its ideas into practice, and you will be able to deal with any unfulfilled commitment.

Introduction

What is a serious talk about responsibility?

And who cares?

My problem is that I don't spill anything. I don't know how to express anger, instead I get cancer.

Woody Allen

How to approach the problem of broken promises

Sooner or later this happens to everyone.

You are calmly standing in line, when suddenly someone breaks in front of you. What the…? You must, after all, say something.

“Well, where are you going?! you bark. “The end of the line is not here. This is where it starts!"

In order to emphasize that you are right, you aggressively point your finger in the direction of the front of the queue. Nobody can make a fool out of you!

It turns out that you are not alone in your expressive display of indignation. Years ago, we asked customers at a local mall if they would say nothing if someone jumped in front of them. Almost all answered in the negative. However, later, when, for the sake of the purity of the experiment, we asked our employee to get into the queue for tickets to the cinema, not a single person was indignant. Everyone was silent.

Of course, not all the people we observed remained completely indifferent. Someone frowned or turned to a friend standing next to him and grumpily discussed the impudent one. So people used their right to scold the offender behind his back.

And then there was a breakthrough. After we changed the age, sex and size of those who climbed out of turn many times from attempt to attempt - with no visible effect - one woman finally raised her voice. She touched the shoulder of the impudent woman, who squeezed in front of her, and asked: “Where did you get such a haircut?” (A re-creation of this experiment can be seen in the Whose Turn Is It Now? video at www.vitalsmarts.com/bookresources.)

About the book
Broken promises, disappointed expectations, missed deadlines, and simply bad behavior can reduce a company's performance by 20-50 percent and account for 90 percent of divorces. The methods of getting out of difficult situations proposed by the authors appeared in the course of observing people who know how to call others to account, and in such a way that not only the problems that have arisen are solved, but relationships at the workplace and in the family improve. This book will help you develop the skills you need to get out of difficult situations. After reading you:

you can forever get rid of the habit of forgetting about your promises and deadlines for completing work;
stop violating the rules and norms of behavior, having correctly formed a sense of responsibility in yourself;
learn how to maintain or even strengthen relationships when solving problems
Who is this book for?

This book is for anyone who is kept up at night by broken promises, but talking about it seriously seems too complicated and risky.

Book chip
The book is based on the result of twenty years of research work of two groups. With the help of 25 thousand subjects, the authors determined which of them coped better than others with resolving critical conflict situations. After 10,000 hours of observing their behavior, the authors drew conclusions and tested their assumptions on 300,000 people.

From the authors
If you want to look into the distant future, stand on the shoulders of the great ones. And if you want to learn how to have serious conversations about responsibility in everyday life and, just as importantly, enjoy the benefits we reap by creating a culture free from irresponsibility, stand on the shoulders of "exceptions to the rule in a good way." We, the authors, ourselves enjoy these fruits, because over the years the ideas gleaned from these great people have become second nature to us.

Foreword by Tom Peters
I don't know if the authors of this book will receive a Nobel Prize, but deep down I am sure that they deserve it for their magnificent work. If you're going to read no more than one management book this decade, let it be Responsibility Talk Seriously.

What happens if you keep everything to yourself?
My problem is that I don't spill anything. I don't know how to express anger, instead I get cancer. Woody Allen

What does silence lead to?
The Space Shuttle Challenger fell to pieces in front of the entire country. Later it became known that several engineers suggested that the O-rings might fail, but did not report it, not daring to enter into an open confrontation with the management.

Hidden reason
More often than not, people mask their lack of motivation with the false problem of lack of opportunity. "I knew that today's meeting was scheduled for the early morning, but the alarm did not ring." "I was going to mow the lawn before the picnic, but I wasn't sure if it needed to be cut shorter than usual."

Bad way
We'll call it the "sandwich method". First, to soften the blow, say something nice to him, then pose a question and end with something pleasant again: "Hi, Bob. Cool portfolio. Did you hear that our pension fund is short of 10 thousand? haircut for you."

Reasons for divorce
In one study, scientists asked newlyweds to have a serious conversation about a painful topic. It turned out that couples who later divorced behaved the same way: they did not know how to choose words when discussing a complex problem, and more often than not, one struggled to find a solution, and the second wanted to avoid the conversation at all costs.

About authors
Kerry Patterson is the author of four New York Times bestsellers and numerous articles, a teacher, and an award-winning curriculum writer. In 2004, he was awarded the prestigious BYU Marriot School of Management Dyer Award for his outstanding contributions to the science of organizational behavior.

David Maxfield is Professor of Psychology at Stanford University. His research papers have been published in many reputable publications, including the MIT Sloan Management Review. His scientific paper on mechanisms of influence won the 2009 Richard Beckhard Memorial Prize.

Joseph Grenny is a renowned speaker and business strategist. Advises many Fortune 500 companies.

Ron McMillan is co-founder of the Covey Leadership Center. Ron has been studying leadership, team building and performance for 25 years.

Al Switzer is a coach and teacher at the Marriott School of Management and the Michigan Executive Development Center.

Current page: 1 (total book has 20 pages)

Kerry Patterson, Ron Macmillan, Al Switzler, Joseph Grenny, David Maxfield
Serious talk about responsibility. Dealing with disappointed expectations, broken promises, and misbehavior

Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, David Maxfield, Ron McMillan, and Al Switzler

Crucial Accountability

Tools for Resolving Violated Expectations, Broken Commitments, and Bad Behavior

Published with permission from McGraw-Hill Companies

Legal support of the publishing house is provided by the law firm "Vegas-Lex"

* * *

This book is well complemented by:

Key negotiations

Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron Macmillan and Al Switzler

I hear right through you

Mark Goulston

Negotiations without defeat

Roger Fisher

Communication Mastery

Paul McGee

Rescue the hostage

George Colrieser

We dedicate this book to THE WORLD'S BEST LEADERS - those managers, supervisors, assistants, team players, parents, colleagues, and craftsmen who, in everyday life, dare to address (even very difficult) problems and confidently call people to account. Thanks for your example. Thanks for teaching us

Foreword

Is my statement absurd? I think no.

By the way, if you're going to read no more than one book about management this decade, let it be A Serious Talk About Responsibility.

Tom Peters

Prologue
Note to readers

This book is a natural extension of our work Difficult Dialogues: What and How to Say When the Stakes Are High. 1
Patterson K., Granny J., McMillan R. Difficult dialogues: what and how to say when the stakes are high. – M.: Mann, Ivanov and Ferber, 2014.

Those who have read or heard about this book are probably wondering: what is the difference between difficult dialogues and serious conversations about responsibility? We are happy to answer this question.

Introduction
What is a serious talk about responsibility?

And who cares?

My problem is that I don't spill anything. I don't know how to express anger, instead I get cancer.

Woody Allen

How to approach the problem of broken promises

Sooner or later this happens to everyone.

You are calmly standing in line, when suddenly someone breaks in front of you. What the…? You must, after all, say something.

“Well, where are you going?! you bark. “The end of the line is not here. This is where it starts!"

In order to emphasize that you are right, you aggressively point your finger in the direction of the front of the queue. Nobody can make a fool out of you!

simple logic

Later, when the members of our research group asked why people were silent when others were breaking the rules of social behavior in front of them - not to mention the sacred right to queue that each of them had - the majority answered that the task they were in that moment was decided in the mind, led to the conclusion that the game was not worth the candle. This is not such a serious offense, its consequences are not so important to raise the issue. After all, indignant, they can create a real problem. Therefore, it is better to remain silent.

Then we upped the ante. We left the queue, sat down in the university library next to the students and started making noise. And again everyone was silent. The members of our research team practically threw a party in what most consider to be a true temple of silence, and yet no one said a word to them. Although it was in the library, and we were talking REALLY LOUD! And again, no response.

Then we clung to the readers sitting at their tables and began to read their books, sometimes turning a page or two. And again, almost no one entered into a direct dialogue. Then we went to the campus, sat down with people in the cafeteria and started asking questions about food, and then - you must have guessed it - stealing potatoes or pieces of pie from their plates. Again, few voiced outrage.

While the people we observed appear to be abnormally passive, their silence was not unique to the population we studied, nor to this particular decade. Thirty years after we started our research, there are several programs on television that deal with this issue. According to the script, the hired actors did something strange, asocial or politically incorrect in front of unsuspecting onlookers, and a hidden camera recorded the reaction of the "test subjects". If the scenario turned out to be even more provocative than eating from a stranger’s plate—for example, a person witnessed a kidnapping, an epileptic seizure, or heard a monstrous racist statement, etc.—most modern people who became participants in the incident remained silent anyway. In order for the casual observer to say anything, his life must have been in danger - and even then, many did not open their mouths.

But what if the action you're watching isn't related to a queue study or a TV program, and the stakes are really high—what if someone dies if you don't vote? How do you feel about those who remain silent under such circumstances? Do you yourself remain silent, even if this act harms other people?

In order to answer the first question, one does not have to look far for an example. Just visit the patient at the nearest hospital. There is a bottle of hand sanitizer on the door of almost every room in every clinic in the Western world. According to the internal regulations of the medical institution, each employee, entering the ward, must wipe his hands with it so as not to become a carrier of the infection. So, the doctor entering the room you are watching has just examined three patients: one of them is sick with cholera, the second with meningitis, and the third with yellow fever. Now he has come to examine, including touch, your father-in-law. But he walks past a bottle of disinfectant to the patient's bedside. Fortunately, you are lucky today. A violation of the protocol is noticed by a nurse. Of course she won't say anything. Or will he remain silent?

Most people won't make a fuss. And their logic is simple. The nurse, of course, is obliged to call the doctor to account, but he can get angry and even offended if she hints to him about the mistake. Only the Lord God knows if she will destroy her career by drawing the wrath of the doctor. In addition, it is quite possible that diseases will not be transmitted. And by the way, the doctor could wash his hands somewhere on the way to the ward. The nurse who decides to remain silent conducts such reasoning in her mind.

Silent Majority

Now, if you don't think we're unfairly vilifying the health care system, let's say that the habit of not speaking up, even if silence leads to disaster, is not unique to things like hygiene or queuing at the movies, for example. For more than three decades since our first department store experiment, we have conducted research that has examined people's attitudes toward socially unacceptable behavior and their willingness to hold the violator to account. It turned out to be easy to find conditions in which people do not resent the fact that others break promises, do not fulfill their obligations, behave inappropriately, or do things that do not live up to our expectations. For example, two-thirds of the people we interviewed admitted that they hated going to family holidays, because one of the relatives would probably behave horribly, but none of them ever dared to put a boor in his place. Even if once someone tried to say something, it resulted in such a disgusting scandal that the truth-lover had to immediately leave the party 2
VitalSmarts study: When Bad Relatives Happen to Good People (July 2009).

So do the vast majority of the workers we interviewed. At work, people avoid talking about politics, because colleagues often put too much pressure on the interlocutor, even insulting him, expressing his opinion. Unwilling to get involved with colleagues who use harsh tactics in an argument, they simply shy away from any conversation about politics. 3
VitalSmarts study: How to Talk Politics with Friends – and Still Have Some Left (September 2012).

When it comes to patience in the workplace, 93 percent of respondents work with a lazy person day in and day out, but no one forces him to perform his duties, as everyone sees this as a danger. 4
VitalSmarts study: Corporate Untouchables (September 2006).

And speaking of risk, every day, tens of thousands of employees watch their employees flout safety standards without making them aware of it. In the end, do not betray a colleague and, of course, you should not start a conversation with him that he breaks the rules. Nobody does this. Nobody wants to be considered a hypocrite.

And here is another problem. More than 70 percent of the project managers we interviewed admitted that they would have to derail the project because the deadline was simply unrealistic. However, none of them said a word about it during the discussion of the project. No one suggested to the manager: "Can't we also participate in setting the deadlines for the project?" In addition, we found that when project team members put the project at risk due to non-compliance, less than 20 percent of the time they tried to discuss the issue with them. 5
VitalSmarts study: Pssst! Your Corporate Initiative Is Dead and You're the Only One Who Doesn't Know (February 2007).

The headlines show that the epidemic of silence has gripped almost every aspect of our lives. For example, take the case when on the morning of January 13, 1982, a passenger plane crashed into a bridge connecting Virginia with Washington. Only five of the seventy-nine on board survived. Later, during the investigation, it turned out that the co-pilot noticed the icing of the wings, reported it, but his words were ignored, and he did not raise the issue a second time, because he was afraid to put too much pressure on the first pilot. Seventy-four people died because of his silence. 6
Deborah Tannen, “How to Give Orders Like a Man,” New York Times Magazine (August 28, 1994): 201–204.

What about the cause of many plane crashes? The Space Shuttle Challenger fell apart in front of the whole country. Later it became known that several engineers assumed that the O-rings might fail, but did not report it, not daring to enter into an open confrontation with the management 7
Richard P. Feynman, What Do You Care What Other People Think? (New York: Bantam Books, 1988), 214–215.

And why? Because with certain people and in certain circumstances, you usually don't talk about problems - well, certainly not with your superiors. Not with a pilot. Not with a doctor. Not with a colleague or relative. Well, yes, and not with those who break in front of you out of turn.

How to deal with disappointment

So what does it take to solve the mental puzzles that so often work against us to get a different answer? Is it possible to reverse the cost-benefit analysis and bring the serious talk of responsibility back to a depressingly silent world?

The answer to this question can be found by returning to our first study, which found that people consider it too risky to explain themselves to someone who got in front of them out of line. What if you teach those standing in line to communicate with impudent? If you show them how to change the state of affairs, will they get different results in solving their inner problem? And will these results be so tangible that they will not be afraid to speak out against the insolent type?

We decided to find out and changed the course of the experiment. In the second round, we climbed out of line in front of our colleague, the researcher, who was standing at the box office of the cinema along with the others. At the same time, he did not let the offender pass silently (which was the general norm), but said, as he was instructed: “Hey, guy, you should go to the end of the line, like everyone else.” Then the offender (also a member of our team) apologized and headed to the end of the line.

And now for the funny. After waiting a few minutes, we climbed in front of the man standing behind our rather brusque colleague. Will he speak? Maybe he's using a scenario that just played out before his eyes? According to the scenario, the violator of the queue, without objecting, goes to the tail. The internal problem had to be solved differently.

But, obviously, this was not enough. None of those who observed the model of active behavior we proposed said a word when the scene was repeated. Later, people explained that they did not want to act like that rude person. That was one of the main reasons why all these people preferred silence. They didn't like to be provocative, they didn't want to participate in an ugly scene that could follow a rude remark. They knew how to be rude. We showed them another scenario of rough treatment, but it did not change anything in their conclusions or in their behavior.

For the most part, people who habitually choose silence do so as a result of just such reasoning. Once they were besieged, embarrassed, or otherwise mistreated, and now they do not want to experience new disappointments. But one day the problem again rises in front of them in full growth, and they explode. Replacing silence with the usual form of verbal aggression, they raise their voice, snarl at a colleague, behave too cheekily with management. The consequences of such behavior are severe.

You may have experienced this for yourself. Someone constantly breaks promises, and for a while you pretend not to notice it, but one day your patience snaps and you explode. The thrashing seems to be going well until you notice that everyone around you is staring at you instead of your bully. In this scene, you are considered a bad character. How could this happen?

You learn from your mistake, and your internal logic chooses a predictable and unpromising formula. You come to the conclusion that it is better to remain silent than to make a fool of yourself. Rather, cancer whistles on the mountain than you will again find yourself in a similar situation.

Here is the dry residue. Most of us have been frustrated or mistreated by people and have tried both ineffective options: keeping the problem silent and trying to have a serious conversation, which has brought a new problem to life. As a result, we were trapped in two failed elections. We would like to say something - but not rudeness or harshness, which can lead to a scandal.

Having come to this conclusion, we began the third round of research with a new method. This time we simulated an effective conversation. At first, they climbed into the line in front of a colleague, who had to directly, but politely, point out to the offender his offense. He should have politely said, “Sorry. Maybe you don't know, but we've been standing here for over half an hour." (Note the polite tone and suggestion that the interlocutor is not aware of what is happening.) The offender immediately apologized and headed to the back of the line.

Again, we waited a few minutes and then stood out of line in front of the person who was watching the scene we had played. We wanted to know how he would do. Given his better choice of words and delivery method, will his internal logic change enough to make him talk? Or will he shut up again? After all, silence is worth nothing more than a few more minutes in line.

More than 80 percent of people who observed polite dialogue not only broke with tradition and spoke to the person who broke in front of them, but also used exactly the words they heard: “I'm sorry. Maybe you don't know..."

We were amazed! Show people what words to say and in what tone to get the desired result, and their internal reasoning will change. Moreover, their behavior will change. They now believe that it is in their best interest to deal with a broken promise, an unfulfilled obligation, or an inappropriate act. And they will do it.

What about the cause of many plane crashes? The Space Shuttle Challenger fell apart in front of the whole country. It was later learned that several engineers had speculated that the o-rings might fail but did not report it, not daring to openly confront management.

How to deal with disappointment

Serious talk about responsibility

Thanks to this experiment, we were able to understand how to get people to raise the problem and call those who caused it to account. However, don't be fooled. We studied a trivial situation in which it was enough just to politely expose the offender to his behavior, which people tried to do. And in calling someone to account, we only took the first steps.

But what if a serious conversation involves a more complex issue? Is it possible to get people to have a serious conversation about responsibility, if one polite offer is not enough for this? Will we be able to move from the first steps to running?

Soon we had to face it. One day, after a successful queue experiment, we received a call from a large manufacturing plant in the Midwest. According to the manager who contacted us, there was not even a faint hint of responsibility in his organization. “Here you will not be fired until you kill someone,” he told us. “A very popular person,” the head of HR added with a smirk. Really hard case!

This book is well complemented by:

Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron Macmillan and Al Switzler

Mark Goulston

Roger Fisher

Paul McGee

George Colrieser

Foreword

Is my statement absurd? I think no.

By the way, if you're going to read no more than one book about management this decade, let it be A Serious Talk About Responsibility.

Tom Peters

Note to readers

This book is a natural continuation of our work Difficult Dialogues: What and How to Say When the Stakes Are High. Those who have read or heard about this book are probably wondering: what is the difference between difficult dialogues and serious conversations about responsibility? We are happy to answer this question.

Portal for the student. Self-training

Kerry Patterson, Ron Macmillan, Al Switzler, Joseph Grenny, David Maxfield Serious talk about responsibility. Dealing with disappointed expectations, broken promises, and misbehavior

* * *

This book is well complemented by:

Foreword

Prologue Note to readers

Introduction What is a serious talk about responsibility?

And who cares?

RELATED ARTICLES

Kerry Patterson, Ron Macmillan, Al Switzler, Joseph Grenny, David Maxfield
Serious talk about responsibility. Dealing with disappointed expectations, broken promises, and misbehavior

Prologue
Note to readers

Introduction
What is a serious talk about responsibility?