Psychological pressure on the child by the teacher

Asked by: Mira

Gender: Male

Age: 8

Chronic diseases: not specified

Hello, my child went to the second grade and from the first week brings deuces for both knowledge and behavior. Moreover, for knowledge, estimates are sometimes underestimated. For example, out of 4 tasks, the child quite accurately and correctly completed 3 (75%). For this, he was given only 3-ku.
He is a hyperactive child and cannot sit still. But the problem is also in the methods of education used by his teacher. So the child most often sits at the last desk next to the boy with whom he has a pronounced conflict. To our requests to transplant our son, the teacher replies that he constantly changes places for students. Also, when a child was sitting at the first desk, in front of the teacher, another student hit him in the back with his fist (because my son interfered) and she said in front of all the children: "That's right, that's right!". After that, my son was seated alone at the last desk with the words: "You will always sit in a shameful place!" The following words also sounded: "You will always receive deuces!"
Answer to what extent the actions of the teacher are correct? Do I need to talk about this with the teacher herself or the head teacher? Why are such actions of a primary school teacher harmful to the psyche of my child?

Manic-depressive symptom, depression, withdrawal, social phobia, telephonophobia, psychological pressure It all started (suspected manic-depressive syndrome), a long time ago - 4.5 months ago. I began to notice characteristic symptoms behind me (later I read a lot of literature on the topic, having familiarized myself with it, I realized that this is exactly what is happening). I began to pay serious attention to this only 2 months ago: I started having problems with sleep (I have to persuade myself, I constantly delay the moment of going to bed), frequent depression (anxiety, constant stress, low self-esteem, self-flagellation, apathy, decreased appetite, fatigue , decreased performance, distracted concentration,) can be replaced by a manic syndrome (temporarily high spirits, activity, optimism, many new ideas and projects, quick speech, need for communication (usually I don’t need it much). Memory has worsened: I forget many things in less than a minute. All this against the backdrop of acute social phobia and an unstable climate in the family. I do not find support, mostly I receive reproaches, although I work on myself, I strive to do better. Recently, I began to notice uncontrollable bouts of crying ( the need to cry for just a few seconds) - very scary, because I feel such a need constantly the last e 2 weeks. A very difficult relationship with my mother: she has frequent bouts of irritability and aggression, since childhood I have been very afraid of her, and even now nothing has changed - I still cannot establish contact with her, I feel psychological pressure from her, and during periods, when we communicate with her, I am certainly afraid that very soon this will again be replaced by her irritated behavior, moreover, this can happen absolutely suddenly. My father tries to disengage from all this, and every time a conflict arises with my mother, he remains indifferent, even when I need help. Is there a plan of action possible? Or can my condition be related to the microclimate in the family? At least advice, since I have no one to turn to. Thank you.

3 answers

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The child must know and understand the requirements of teachers, the requirements must be stable and fair. Then there will be fewer problems with behavior. Injustice in assessments produces low self-esteem and inadequate self-perception of the child. It is difficult to assess the teacher's actions without knowing all the nuances of the situation. If everything is as you say, then it’s probably worth talking with the teacher again, finding out her requirements and TOGETHER developing an approach to the child. It will not help - there is a head teacher and a director. But it is better to decide everything with the teacher herself.

Ekaterina Sergeevna 2016-10-11 06:14

Having changed our place of residence last year, we moved to a new school, but to my regret, an incident occurred during the transfer, which was resolved at the level of local governments. The director refused to accept my child in a certain class and she was not even embarrassed that we came to the school by registration and there were places in the class (19 students). The child was taken to a teacher who, before moving, we visited as an additional teacher. The child is diagnosed with ZRR (sensory alalia, which we tirelessly fight with the help of professionals: a speech therapist, defectologist, and since we previously had a diagnosis of sensorimotor alalia, we go to additional classes, in our case, repetition is the way to ensure that the child " grabs" the material) Upon admission to the 1st grade, we were recommended a class of the 7th type. In which we went, but after 10 days, the teacher, after talking with the head teacher, came to the conclusion that the child needed the usual first class under the "School of Russia" program, that is, when we were transferred to the current school, we already studied in the usual first class.
As soon as we switched and refused additional teacher services (I think that this is at least not professional, and according to the Federal Law, if the teacher sees that the child does not have time or is often ill, he should take the child to additional classes at school) we started having problems, child became gloomy, the teacher began to complain that he bites, fights, is distracted and refuses to study in the classroom. I didn’t pay attention, I wrote off everything that the new class, the new environment, that the child’s adaptation - this is how the 1st grade ended.
I would like to clarify that the child is diagnosed with asthma (bronchial asthma, which manifested itself in diseases of acute respiratory infections and acute respiratory viral infections, they all had complications in the respiratory system) and the teacher was aware of it.
We moved to the 2nd grade, studied for 2 weeks and ended up on sick leave with asthma. Then I didn’t pay much attention to this, I wrote off that it was autumn and everyone got sick, the child categorically refused to study in the lessons (according to the teacher). After leaving the hospital, our teacher fell ill and we ended up with a replacement teacher. And then a miracle happened, the child brought 5 on his own on day 1, told that he was being praised, he began to do his homework with pleasure, because instead of "cm" he was given good grades of 4 and 5. The child's joy did not last long. And then I began to notice unpleasant things. I was always taught to listen to teachers that they want only the best for children. I forgot to clarify that at the end of grade 1, our teacher insisted on a remedial class, so that we would go.
So the main teacher came out, the first week there was still nothing to do, the child even wrote classwork, for the second week they gave out notebooks after checking, and when I saw that she crossed out the marks of the teacher who replaced her, I was at a loss - at least not ethical to do so. A couple of days later, when I was picking up my son from school, I witnessed that she was screaming (she followed him into the hall and demanded a diary, explaining that he did not show her if he wrote down his homework), the child put my backpack and hid behind me, the teacher probably arriving at the end of the 5th lesson in "touched" feelings, she didn’t even pay attention to her tone, took her son by the hand and led him to class so that he would write down the assignment for home.
The worst thing happened a couple of days later, unfortunately life is such that I am raising my son alone, he studies from the 1st shift and the second part of the day is engaged in his children's affairs (plays, watches TV, sleeps, teaches lessons, etc.). When I returned from work, I found him in a hysterical state, and it worsened when I asked how things were at school. The child began to suffocate, an hour later, after taking the medication, we hugged each other and went to additional classes. The child told me that he was upset because of the unrecorded homework, even later he told me that he sat under the desk for 2 lessons and a break. I pulled everything out of him for 5 hours, not much. Because every time he was overwhelmed with emotions, he began to roar and choke (For me, he had such a state for the first time). The essence of the story was as follows, the teacher screamed and said: "... if I don't do what she says, she will tell my mother and you will punish me." I crawled under the table because I was scared.
The teacher did not inform me about the incident, not me, not the social. A teacher, not a school psychologist. When I called her on the same day, she began to say that this was not a one-time thing (which terrified me even more), and this is the norm for my child and began to talk that she was still in the 1st grade offering to move us to a correctional class, and even better to individual training (although there is no evidence). From the next day, the child stopped attending school, 5 days have passed, he has become calmer, we are waiting for an appointment with a psychologist and a neurologist. Wrote a complaint to the local authorities. The director tried to invite me to a conversation when I brought the second copy of the complaint to the school, meeting me in the corridor, she and the head teacher (whom I saw for the first time) tried to say that my child’s behavior was terrible and the teacher was not to blame (interesting methods of education, I thought, drive a 7 year old boy under the table in front of the whole class and continue to teach the lesson). Some of the parents the next day were set against me, they began to collect positive references for the teacher (which means that this is not the first case in her practice, I thought). Who will protect our children if not parents, now I'm afraid to transfer to another school. I'm afraid to leave the child with strangers or new people, I began to visit tutors with him. Probably we both need a psychologist now =)
Help me point me in the right direction, of course we will change schools, and in the light of everything, I began to listen more to my child. It is very annoying that neither the school administration nor the teacher understand that sitting at the last desk, or rather under it for almost 2 hours, the child could harm himself and let go home after such an incident without informing the legal representative about what happened. If I came home from work for 30 minutes. Later, an asthmatic attack could lead to terrible consequences. How do we survive this terrible moment of last week and throw it out of our lives?!

Children's human rights activists and psychologists tell Letidor what to do when a teacher offends a child at school, and in punishments he goes beyond all acceptable limits.

More and more students are complaining about being bullied by teachers. Parents whose children have fallen into this unpleasant situation are lost - they do not want to come into conflict with the offender or the school administration, fearing that their active actions will harm the child.

Conflict with the teacher - we solve it peacefully

How to respond to a conflict to parents and what to do is absolutely impossible - tells the candidate of psychological sciences, head of the project for the development of emotional intelligence and social competence of the child ** CPC International Center * *EIKIDS Kiseleva Tatyana Sergeevna:

“Before going into an open conflict, it is important for parents to understand whether there are grounds for it. Low grades, ignoring the student, increased demands - all this is very subjective, and does not always reflect the real picture of the teacher's attitude towards a particular child. Low grades can be an indicator of the student's real knowledge, and the teacher can impose strict requirements on the whole class.

Another thing is when a teacher speaks incorrectly about a student, chuckles at his interests and appearance, shouts, insults a student with obscene expressions, pushes, gives compliments, etc.

Such actions in the behavior of a teacher are unacceptable. If a student is subjected to such "education methods", he must inform his parents without fail. Attempts by the child to deal with the teacher on their own (including filming from a mobile phone with subsequent demonstration on social networks, wide publicity) can aggravate the conflict.

If your child is in trouble, you should:

• Clarify with him all the details of the conflict (cause, details of the behavior of the teacher and the child);
• Talk to the child's classmates who see the situation from the outside. Do not make judgments - just find out their view of the conflict;
• Keeping calm, talk to the offender;
• Advocate for cooperation between all parties to a conflict situation;
• If after this the conflict is not resolved, ask the class teacher to clarify the situation, and then to the school administration.

• Get irritated and nervous;
• Deal with the teacher in the presence of the class and your own child;
• Discuss the teacher with the parents of other students, give them unverified or personal information;
• Scolding the teacher with obscene words;
• Write complaints to higher educational authorities without talking to the school administration.

Often the problem of school conflicts lies in the lack of skills for conscious conflict resolution. At the heart of the problem lies a lack of understanding of one's own emotions and the emotions of other people, difficulties in analyzing and regulating one's emotions. These abilities make up emotional intelligence.

From the point of view of the concept of emotional intelligence, the child must learn to hear the interlocutor, to be aware of his own emotions and their causes, as well as the emotions and causes of their occurrence in the opposite side. It is also important to be able to assess the consequences of a particular development of the situation.

The purposeful development of emotional intelligence will allow the child to avoid conflict behavior and enable him to achieve socially significant success. First of all, the parents should help the child in this.

How to change teachers in the classroom - actions of parents

Yulia Stroganova, Head of Education at the Prima Schola Primary School, tells how to change teachers:

“If you want to change the teacher in the class, then there are two ways to solve the problem.

The first one is that the parents of the pupils of this class turn to the administration of the educational institution with a request to replace the teacher. It is advisable to do this in writing. In the application, you need to state the claims point by point, back them up with facts and certify with the signatures of all or most of the parents. This application in duplicate must be submitted to the principal of the school for consideration. You give the first copy to the administrator, and the second with the signature of the secretary and the date remains with you.

The second - parents who are not satisfied with the teacher, have the right to apply to the school administration with an application to transfer their child to another class.

It should be understood that in both cases, the administration has many maneuvers for refusal: class staffing (according to the norms of SanPiN, the number of classes should not exceed 25 people), discrepancy in educational programs, fear of creating a precedent (other parents can, if the problem is general class, follow your example). You have to be prepared that after the application there will be a series of personal meetings with the school administration and with the teacher you want to change.”

What to do when a teacher shows aggression: calls names or uses physical force

Not all children are polite and disciplined. But even a difficult relationship with a child does not give the teacher the right to use physical force against him.

Bulat Mukhamedzhanov, head of the Accent human rights group (Kazan), talks about the radical measures that need to be taken in conflict situations with a teacher:

“If the teacher applied physical force to the child (pushed, hit, led out of the classroom by the ear, etc.), it is necessary to fix the injuries in a medical institution. After that, parents should write a statement about the crime to the Investigative Committee and attach a medical document to it. If the UK initiates a criminal case, then it is subsequently, if there is relevant evidence, sent to court. Pecuniary compensation for non-pecuniary damage and compensation for damages are also often collected from the teacher through the court.

Another option is to contact the prosecutor's office, but it does not initiate criminal cases. Its employees will conduct a comprehensive check and establish the circumstances of the incident, after which, if the information is confirmed, they will send a submission to the municipality to bring the perpetrators to disciplinary liability or require the Investigative Committee to conduct a pre-investigation check.

As for the provision of psychological pressure, the mechanism of action is similar. If possible, you need to record a conversation with a teacher on a voice recorder, collect testimony from witnesses. By the way, children can only be interviewed in the presence of parents or a school psychologist.

By and large, independent appeals to the education departments of the municipality do not make sense, because education officials are least interested in this fact coming to the surface. Then, after all, at least the story will get into the media, as a maximum, law enforcement will begin an investigation.

Cases when a teacher uses physical force are still rare, but they also occur in our practice. For example, for several years in Kazan, a teacher was condemned for calling children names and pulling their ears. In Naberezhnye Chelny, a teacher tied a first grader to a chair. After this incident, the teacher and the principal of the school were brought to disciplinary responsibility.

In addition, the teacher does not have the right to:

Putting a student a mark for missing a lesson, a mark is a way of evaluating the work performed, exercises, oral answers.

Systematically underestimate marks.

If the problem lies in the personal hostility of the teacher to the child, you can contact the head teacher or principal about a request to convene a commission that will conduct an independent assessment of the student's knowledge.

Take a tablet or phone during the lesson, even if it is stipulated in the Charter of the school.

Systematically expel the child from the lesson.

Intervention of parents in the conflict with the teacher is necessary. It is important to remember that it is unlikely that after this incident, the child's school life will become better. If there is an opportunity to settle the issue peacefully, you should use it. However, in the case of physical and psychological pressure from the teacher, the intervention of lawyers cannot be avoided.

Almost all the disadvantages of the modern school are based on the shortcomings of the educational system, in which the interests of the student are primary, and the interests of the teacher are secondary. But the desires of both those and others should be taken into account equally. In fact, there are teachers who defame the good name of the teacher, but this is rather an exception. And there are many more students who deserve to be blamed. And if the improvement of the educational process does not happen, there will be even more such students. There are many downsides to being a teacher.

Psychological pressure

Now in the educational system there is an abnormal situation. Enormous pressure is placed on teachers due to student grades and USE scores. Informally, teachers are forbidden to give students two marks, no matter how absurd it may sound. "Two" - in the mind, "three" - on paper - this setting of the Department of Education is followed by the school administration. And from the school administration, teachers are ordered not to give students unsatisfactory marks, to avoid such results in every possible way. The argument is this: with "deuces" the school will have low performance.

A principled teacher is simply tortured with checks. Such a teacher will be required to provide an individual plan for working with lagging students. And this despite the fact that the teacher has a load of 20-25 study hours, checking notebooks, class management, and everything else and his own family. While a student with deuces in the journal will still "spit on the ceiling." And all because each student will tell you without hesitation what rights he has, and how teachers should treat him, but what duties he faces - such children do not know.

"Losers" are not afraid of anything, so they go to classes with unfinished homework. They know that they won’t get an A in the magazine, and they won’t be expelled from school, but they will help them pass the exam. In such situations, the class teacher and the teacher turn to the parents for help, who only shrug their shoulders in response. Their excuses are very simple: "The child does not listen to us", "We cannot force him to study", "We cannot do anything." Well, if parents can't do anything with their child, then what to say about teachers.

Regarding the exam, many students believe that they will pass it without problems. Surprisingly, but in fact it will. The thing is that at the teachers’ council the director categorically declares: “We need to pass the exam without twos!” And on the day of the exam, teachers rush to help their students. This is exactly what happens when passing the GIA (USE for grade 9). In 11th grade, students use the “call a friend” prompt while the observers are deliberately distracted. This is because there is an unspoken agreement between the school and the Department of Education that the exam will be successful - and everyone will be fine as a result. Students, knowing this, do not sit at their textbooks to prepare well.

And recently there was another "service". And not in favor of the teacher. Children have the opportunity to call the trust service and tell about the misconduct of the teacher. Complain mostly those same "losers" who are straining study. Of course, such information cannot be called reliable and objective. It is a pity that there is no such service for teachers, so that you can complain about negligent students.

Studying at school for a child is not only the acquisition of knowledge, but also the experience of socialization in a team of peers and adult people - teachers. Relations between people are very multifaceted, so it is not surprising that a student may encounter negative manifestations in his address from the teacher: picky or even hostility.

How to distinguish between prejudice and exactingness

Excessive exactingness is not always a manifestation of the prejudiced attitude of the teacher

As a rule, parents learn about problems in the relationship between the teacher and their child from the lips of the child. And, of course, he brings his subjective assessments and emotions into the story, often drawing a line: "She (he) does not love me and finds fault." It is difficult for moms and dads to figure out in this situation whether this state of affairs is an objective reality or the result of the student's suspiciousness or fantasy. In addition, many children perceive the exactingness of the teacher as a manifestation of a biased attitude. Therefore, it is very important for parents to draw up a correct picture of the existing relationship. For this:

• talk with your child more often on topics related to school life - it will become clear where the truth is and where the fantasies are;
• pay attention to the child's performance in the subject taught by the teacher who makes claims against your student (if the grades have dropped sharply, then work with the child or hire a tutor, then it will be possible to conclude that the grading is objective);
• visit the school, talk to the teachers and the class teacher, but do it not “about”, but as a monitoring of progress (neither the child nor the teachers need to know the true reasons for visiting the educational institution).

In this way, you will be able to understand what kind of relationship your student has with teachers and students. And also to find out whether the teacher is really biased towards the child, or simply demanding on the quality of knowledge.

How to mentally set up a child

Trust is the basis of a relationship with a child

Relationships between people are multifaceted, so there is nothing surprising in the fact that someone likes and someone does not. Interpersonal relationships between teachers and students are no exception. A teacher is a person like everyone else, so he can have likes and dislikes. Some teachers like active, inquisitive students, some like disciplined quiet ones. Of course, a professional teacher knows how to hide his emotions, but sometimes there are exceptions. In this case, a conflict situation arises with three participants:

• student;
• teacher
• the student's parents.

The task of the latter is to find a way out of the situation with minimal losses for the emotional health of the emerging personality. Therefore, it is very important to correctly adjust the child in this particular situation:

1. Tell your child more often how you love him - the child must be sure that he is accepted and loved by the closest people;
2. Explain that any child, even a small one, is also a person, and no one has the right to insult, ridicule or humiliate him;
3. Analyze the conflict situation with maximum objectivity - regardless of who was wrong, explain to the offspring why, such behavior is unacceptable;
4. Try with your child to outline a strategy for behavior in case the teacher finds fault or allows insults;
5. Outline a plan for further joint actions (a conversation with a teacher, director, transfer to another class or school) to resolve the current situation.

How can you get rid of prejudice?

Parents should communicate regularly with teachers

Nagging, prejudice on the part of the teacher, as a rule, do not go away on their own, so parents need to take active measures to resolve the conflict. There are several ways:

• open conversation with the teacher;
• conversation with representatives of the administration (director, head teachers);
• transferring a student to another class or school;
• public coverage of the problem in the media.

Let's analyze each of them. The easiest and most correct way out is to talk with the teacher. Having determined the reasons why the teacher disliked the child, it is possible to find a joint way out of the conflict situation. We will dwell on how to properly plan a conversation with a teacher a little later.

If the teacher does not go to the conversation or does not consider it necessary to change his attitude towards the child, then you should contact the director or head teachers - perhaps they will have more compelling arguments convincing the teacher to reconsider their behavior.

It is interesting! Every year, about 20% of children transfer to other schools due to nagging from teachers.

When the conflict is too long, and the attitude of the teacher negatively affects the psychological and emotional state of the student, it makes sense to transfer the child to another class or school. However, you should not see this method as a panacea for any difficulties - in life your child will have many meetings with uncomfortable or conflicting people, so it is not recommended to create greenhouse conditions for him in childhood.

If the teacher not only allows himself public insults, but also uses physical force against the child, and this is confirmed, then such blatant violations of children's rights should be covered in the media with the involvement of social services and law enforcement agencies.

How to build a conversation with a teacher

Peaceful conflict resolution is the main goal of a conversation with a teacher

Knowing about the problem in the relationship between the student and the teacher only from the child, it is impossible to form a complete opinion about the reasons for the nitpicking on the part of the teacher. Therefore, the best way out is to talk with the teacher. However, for the conversation you need to prepare and lead it in such a way as not to aggravate the situation. So, going to talk with the teacher:

1. Try to make an appointment in person, not through the school administration.
2. Pick the right time. It is best if it is after school, but not at the end of the working day.
3. It is desirable that the meeting be held face-to-face, but within the walls of the school (the best option is an office, serious conversations in the corridor are taboo).
4. Try to make it clear to the teacher that you are not going to accuse or accuse him of anything.
5. Start the conversation by stating the desired outcome (“I would like our conversation to lead to positive changes in the relationship with my son/daughter”).
6. Be sure to include the fact that you recognize some of the shortcomings of your child, and gently steer the conversation towards the recognition that everyone has the right to make mistakes (in case your child is really guilty of something).
7. Next, you should directly ask a question about the reasons for dissatisfaction with your child. Perhaps in this way the teacher "revenges" for some actions in his address on the part of the student (for example, an insult).
8. Depending on the answer received, the conversation can go in two directions: mutual understanding and recognition on the part of the teacher of his mistakes, or anger because of your attempt to convict the teacher of an unprofessional attitude towards children.
9. In any case, you need to end the conversation by thanking for your time.

Depending on what results you can achieve with a conversation with the teacher, it is easier to outline a plan for further actions.

Relationships in the classroom can cause anxiety for parents not only when they relate to communication with peers. Much more difficult is the situation in which there is an unfair attitude of the teacher to the student.

The biased attitude of the teacher to the individual student is not a frequent problem, but it exists. Here it is necessary to understand the reasons for the unfair treatment, and first try to resolve the situation on your own.

Go to meetings regularly, and as a parent, you also have the right to attend classes. Try to form an opinion, abstracting from personal likes or dislikes. You need a cool head here. You need to verify the words of your offspring yourself.

What to do if a teacher dislikes a high school student

Before deciding how to protect a student from an unfair teacher, one should find out the true picture of what is happening. There are several types of misunderstandings between the teacher and the student. It's one thing if the mentor finds fault, it's another if the student disrupts lessons every day, is rude and starts the whole class, turning the education process into a farce.

If you have the situation described in the first case, then you really need to determine how to protect the child from the arbitrariness of the teacher. Listen to both sides first. A one-to-one conversation with the teacher should be mandatory.

Talk to him openly and frankly, set the goal of your communication to achieve consensus, not accusations and threats. The teacher is the same person, in most cases a personal conversation with a mentor helps to correct the situation. On the other hand, remember that in deciding how to deal with teacher bias, you are on the side of your son or daughter's best interests. Do not curry favor with a mentor and do not be afraid that he will be able to somehow influence the entire process of education at school.

In the problem of what to do if a teacher fails a son or daughter, both the provocative actions of the student and the unfair attitude of the teacher to the student may be guilty. The latter will be much more difficult to deal with, as practice shows. But you need to defend the rights of your offspring. Who better than you will protect the little man from rudeness, tyranny and undeserved deuces.

Where to complain about a conflict with a teacher at school

IMPORTANT: It is advisable to bring video materials or a voice recording as evidence so that your accusations are not called indiscriminate or groundless. You must respond to the complaint and give a deadline for its consideration. After this procedure, wait for the result, the officials must check your application.

Where can I file a complaint against a school teacher? Please contact the director first. If he does not take any action, you need to go higher. There are instances that control the processes of education in all types of educational institutions. If the attempt at amicable settlement does not lead to anything good, you have the right to complain about the teacher to the Department of Education.