General concept of counseling

The word "consultation" is used in several meanings: this is a meeting, an exchange of opinions of experts on a particular case; expert advice; an institution that provides such advice, such as legal advice. Thus, to consult means to consult with a specialist on some issue.

Psychological counseling has a pronounced specificity, which is determined by the subject, goals and objectives of this process, as well as how the consultant is aware of his professional role in the individual logic of family life. The characteristics of counseling are undoubtedly influenced by theoretical preferences, scientific approach, or the school to which the counselor belongs. Thus, the style of counseling in line with the personality-oriented approach is characterized by a complete focus on the client, special attention to his feelings and experience. The Cognitive Behavioral Approach, or NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming), involves short-term counseling, similar to the process of social learning or relearning.

Abroad, counseling psychology stood out as a special approach to providing psychological assistance to a person and family in difficult life situations in the 50s. 20th century What distinguishes it from classical psychotherapy is the rejection of the concept of illness, greater attention to the client's life situation and his personal resources; from learning to giving importance not so much to knowledge as to the ways of interaction between the consultant and the client, which gives rise to additional opportunities for independent overcoming of difficulties.

In domestic psychological science, the term "consulting psychology" appears in the early 90s. the last century. Counseling psychology proceeds from the idea that with the help of a specially organized process of communication, additional psychological forces and abilities can be actualized in a person who has applied for help, which will help him find new ways out of a difficult life situation.

Counseling psychology tries to answer five basic questions. What is the essence of the process that occurs between a person (or family) who finds himself in a difficult situation and asks for help (client) and the person who provides it (consultant)! What functions should a consultant perform and what personality traits, attitudes, knowledge and skills are necessary for the successful performance of his functions? What reserves, internal forces of the client can be updated in the course of counseling? What features imposes on the process of counseling the situation that has developed in the life of the client? What techniques and techniques can be consciously used in the process of helping?

With all the differences that are observed today in understanding the essence of psychological counseling and its tasks, theorists and practitioners agree that counseling is a professional interaction between a trained consultant and a client aimed at solving the problem of the latter. This interaction is usually face-to-face, although it can sometimes involve more than two people. The rest of the positions differ. Some believe that counseling is different from psychotherapy and is centered on more superficial work (for example, on interpersonal relationships), and its main task is to help a family or an individual look at their problems and life difficulties from the outside, demonstrate and discuss those moments of the relationship, which, being sources of difficulties, are usually not realized and not controlled (Yu. E. Aleshina, 1994). Others see counseling as a form of psychotherapy and see it as central to helping the client find their true self and to find the courage to become that self (R. May, 1994).

In the last decade, there has been a tendency to broadly use the term "psychological counseling" (V. A. Binas, B. M. Masterov, etc.) as a synonym for psychological support for a client (person or family) in difficult periods of life. It is this understanding of counseling that we will adhere to. Depending on the life situation of a person or a family (as a collective client), the goals of counseling can be certain changes in self-consciousness (formation of a productive attitude to life, acceptance of it in all its manifestations, not excluding suffering; gaining faith in one’s strength and desire to overcome difficulties, recovery broken ties between family members, the formation of family members' responsibility for each other, etc.), behavioral changes (the formation of ways for productive interaction of family members with each other and with the outside world).

Psychological counseling of the family should be aimed at restoring or transforming the ties of family members with each other and the world, at developing the ability to understand each other and form a full-fledged family We, flexibly regulating relations both within the family and with various social groups.

Main Stages of the Counseling Process

Psychological counseling is a holistic system. It can be thought of as a process unfolding over time, a joint-separated activity of the consultant and the client, in which three main components stand out.

Diagnostic - systematic monitoring of the dynamics of the development of a person or family who applied for help; collection and accumulation of information and minimal and sufficient diagnostic procedures. On the basis of a joint study, the psychologist and the client determine the guidelines for joint work (goals and objectives), distribute responsibility, and identify the limits of the necessary support.

When working with each family, the goals and objectives are unique, as is its life situation, but if we talk about the general task of counseling a family, then this is not at all “providing psychological comfort” and “getting rid of suffering”; the main thing in a crisis situation is to help accept life in all its manifestations (not excluding suffering), go through life's difficulties and, rethinking your relationship with yourself, others, the world as a whole, take responsibility for your life and the lives of your loved ones and productively transform your life situation .

The consultant provides the necessary support to the client, flexibly changing its form and measure in accordance with his condition and prospects for the nearest development. The family itself and only itself can survive the events, circumstances and changes in its life that have given rise to family trouble. And no one can do this for family members, just as the best teacher cannot understand the material being explained for his student. The consultant can only create conditions for change and stimulate this process: organize, direct, provide favorable conditions for it, striving to ensure that it leads to the improvement of the family or, at least, does not follow a pathological or socially unacceptable path (alcoholism, neuroticism, psychopathization, suicide, crime, etc.). Thus, the goal takes into account the characteristics of the client and his life situation as much as possible.

The main stage of counseling is the selection and application of means that allow you to create conditions that stimulate positive changes in family relationships and contribute to mastering ways of productive interaction. At this stage, the consultant comprehends the results of diagnostics (joint research, tracking) and, on their basis, thinks about what conditions are necessary for the favorable development of the family and personality, the acquisition of positive relationships by family members towards themselves, others, the world as a whole and flexibility, the ability to successfully communicate with each other. and with society, to adapt in it. Then he develops and implements flexible individual and group programs of socio-psychological support for the family, its development, focused on a specific family and specific children and adults and taking into account their characteristics and needs. It also provides for the creation of special socio-psychological conditions for helping adults and children with particularly difficult problems.

Analysis of intermediate and final results of joint work and making changes to the consulting-support program based on them.

Psychological counseling is a prolonged, multi-stage process. His procedural analysis involves the allocation of dynamics, which consists of stages, steps and steps, and one should distinguish between the dynamics of a single meeting (consultation or training) and the dynamics of the entire counseling process.

To understand the dynamics, you can use the metaphor of a joint journey from the current situation to the desired future. Then counseling will appear as assistance to the client in solving three main tasks:

determine “the place where the family is at the time of the appeal” (What is the problem? What is the essence of family trouble and its causes?);

reveal "the place where the traveler wants to go", i.e. the state that a family or an individual applied client wants to achieve (to form an image of the desired future, determine its reality) and the choice of the direction of change (What to do? In what direction to move?);

help the client (family) move there (How to do it?).

The process of solving the first task corresponds to the diagnostic component of support; the third can be thought of as transformation or rehabilitation. There is no ready-made term for the second task yet; it is decided in the course of an agreement between the client and the psychologist. Conventionally, this stage can be called a "responsible decision" or "choosing a path."

This three-term model is implicitly present in a number of integrative approaches to counseling in psychology and social work (V.A. Goryanina, 1996; J. Egen, 1994, etc.).

Of course, at the initial stage of mastering the profession, a consultant needs simpler and more mobile schemes as a guide. According to the content, it is possible to distinguish three general stages of the maintenance process:

Awareness of not only external, but also internal causes of the crisis (life difficulties);

Reconstruction of a family or personal myth, development of a value attitude;

Mastering the necessary life strategies and tactics of behavior.

Methods and techniques used in family counseling

Traditionally, the main method of psychological counseling is the interview, i.e. therapeutic conversation aimed at the socio-psychological support of the family and help to her. However, today in the practice of counseling (including family counseling), all the richness of methods and techniques developed in various psychotherapeutic schools is widely used: dialogical communication, behavioral methods, psychodrama and role modeling, Kelly's repertoire grids, analysis of family history, genogram, as well as methods group therapy. To provide feedback, video recordings and such psychotechnics as “sociogram in action”, “family sculpture”, “family choreography” are used (they are something similar to “live pictures”, when family members, choosing poses and arrangements in space, try to depict their relationships in statics or dynamics).

In many ways, the choice of methods and contact techniques is determined by the level at which the consultation process is carried out. It is customary to distinguish external and internal levels of counseling.

Working on the outer level is quite sufficient for dealing with shallow-seated personal and family problems. It is often used at the first meeting (especially when counseling a couple). Here, technologies for creating helping relationships developed in humanistic psychology (K. Rogers, F. Vasilyuk, etc.) are widely used. The trusting relationship that is created in this way breeds an openness that helps each family member to say what is on his mind and express his true feelings. This is the first step towards clarifying the problem, a step towards yourself and the other person.

Various techniques developed in behavioral psychology are also used at this level. In particular, the behaviorist modification of "contract therapy", when spouses agree to reward each other for the behavior they expect from a partner.

At a deeper level (when dealing with problems of co-dependence, redistribution of power, etc.), when it is necessary to influence less conscious processes, methods developed in psychoanalysis, gestalt therapy and psychodrama are used.

Such eclecticism is quite appropriate, but only under certain conditions. First, when choosing means, it is necessary to remember the well-known methodological position, which J. Paul formulated as a question: “What kind of help, by whom, and under what conditions is the most effective for this client with these specific problems?” And secondly - do not forget that the main means of psychological counseling is not one or another psychotechnics, but a special form of relationship in the "psychologist-client" system, based on the conscious use of the basic two-pronged mechanism of being and personality development - identification - isolation (V.S. Mukhina ). It is these relationships that create the conditions for experiencing, objectifying, reflecting and reconstructing the image of the client's world and its individual fragments during the period of consultations and group sessions.

Modern approaches to family counseling

There are many concepts of family counseling: from modifications of the Freudian psychoanalytic model to N. Pezeshkian's positive family therapy. Recently, however, practitioners have given preference to integrative approaches, such as systemic and structural.

The founders of the system approach (M. Bowen, S. Minukhin, V. Satir, K. Whitaker and others) consider the family not just as an association of individuals connected by kinship, but as an integral system where no one suffers alone: ​​family conflicts and crises have a destructive effect on everyone. Since the family is a system, it is not so important which of its elements changes. In practice, changes in the behavior of any of the family members affect it and other subsystems (other family members) included in it and are simultaneously affected by them.

When helping a family in difficult periods of life, it makes no sense to engage in identifying the psychoanalytic causes of the conflict: it is much more important to change the relationship between its members through specific targeted actions. With a well-chosen strategy and tactics of work, the family situation improves as the recommendations of the specialist are implemented. Changes lead to shifts in the mechanism of functioning of the family and help to reduce the manifestation of symptoms of psychological distress in one or more of its members.

What are the functions of a psychologist when working with a family? What will be the focus of the counseling process? What means of influence will be the main ones? Representatives of numerous systemic approaches to psychological assistance to families answer these questions depending on their theoretical orientation.

Thus, the author of the theory of family systems, M. Bowen, argues that family members cannot act independently of each other, since such behavior leads to intra-family dysfunction. This brings him closer to systemic therapists. But there are also differences: Bowen views all human emotions and behavior as a product of evolution. And not individual, unique, but connected with all forms of life. He developed eight closely related concepts, including the concepts of self differentiation, emotional triangles, family projections, etc. In his opinion, the mechanism of intra-family relations is similar to the mechanism of functioning of all other living systems. It is no coincidence that his concept of self-differentiation is so reminiscent of the existing ideas in science about cell differentiation. Therapists of this school believe that self-differentiation during family therapy sessions leads to calming of the client's family, this contributes to responsible decision-making and alleviation of symptoms of family dysfunction. The role of a consultant in this system of family counseling approaches the position of a coach: he teaches family members to differentiate in family communication, comprehend their existing ways of interacting in the family and master more productive ones. At the same time, the psychologist is instructed not to approach the family with ready-made recommendations, but to conduct a joint search. It is hard to disagree with this: a joint search allows family members to learn productive ways to get out of problem situations, develops in them a sense of subjectivity and self-confidence, which, after the negative symptoms have subsided, leads to sustainable changes in family life.

Bowen widely uses in his theory and practice of family therapy ideas about the life cycle of the family, and also considers it necessary to take into account the national characteristics of clients.

Another variant of working with the family, which has gained wide popularity in the world, is S. Minukhin's structural family therapy.

This approach is based on three axioms.

When providing psychological assistance, it is necessary to take into account the whole family. Each of the family members should be considered as its subsystem.

Family therapy changes its structure and leads to a change in the behavior of each member of the family system.

Working with the family, the psychologist joins them, resulting in a therapeutic system that makes family changes possible.

The family appears as a differentiated whole, the subsystems of which are individual members of the family or several of its members. Each subsystem (parental, marital, child) has specific functions and imposes certain requirements on its members. At the same time, each subsystem requires a certain degree of freedom and autonomy. For example, in order for spouses to adapt to each other, a certain freedom from the influence of children and the extra-family environment is needed. Therefore, the problem of boundaries between family subsystems is of great importance.

S. Minukhin identifies two types of border violations: the first is their confusion, fuzziness, blur; the second is excessive closeness, leading to disunity of family members. One of

these types of boundary violations can be found in any dysfunctional family. Thus, the pronounced blurring of the boundaries between mother and child leads to the alienation of the father. As a result, two autonomous subsystems begin to function in the family: “mother-child (children)” and “father”. In this case, the development of competence in communicating with peers is inhibited in children, and the parents face the threat of divorce. But in families with divisive boundaries, on the contrary, the ability to form a family We is impaired. Family members are so disunited that they cannot satisfy the most important of human needs in the family - in trust, warmth and support.

A confused family reacts to any changes quickly and intensely, its members, as it were, infect each other with their mood. But in an indifferent family, alienation prevails, which the child feels like coldness, lovelessness and can characterize his family as follows: “We don’t care about anyone.”

The described classification and approach to psychological assistance is aimed, first of all, at understanding and overcoming the inadequate proximity of family members, reaching symbiotic interdependence, and helps everyone to recognize and rebuild the boundaries between themselves and others.

The role of a psychologist in the system of S. Minukhin is understood as follows: he is ordered to join the family, for a while, as it were, to become one of its members. “The therapeutic impact on the family,” he writes, “is a necessary part of family diagnosis. The therapist cannot observe the family and make a diagnosis from the side” (S. Minukhin, 1978). The "entry" of the psychologist into the family system causes a "mini-crisis", which is of great importance: rigid rigid ties and relationships are weakened, and this gives the family a chance to change the state of its "boundaries", expand them, and therefore change its structure.

S. Minukhin identifies seven categories of psychologist's actions to restructure the family: this is the actualization of family models of interaction; establishing or marking boundaries; escalation of stress; assignment of tasks; use of symptoms; stimulation of a certain mood; support, training or guidance.

No less common is another version of the systemic approach - strategic family therapy (J. Haley, K. Madanes, P. Vaclavik, L. Hoffman, etc.), where the main work of the therapist is aimed at forming family members of responsibility for each other.

Sometimes a variant of systemic family therapy developed at the Milan School of Science is also included in the framework of the strategic direction. However, here the focus of the work is the identification and transformation of those unconscious "rules of the game" that support family troubles. "Family Games" (first described in Transactional Analysis by Eric Berne) are based on the mistaken notion of family members that it is possible to exercise unilateral control over interpersonal relationships in the family by manipulating other family members. The work of a psychologist is first aimed at identifying those reactions of family members that lead to “engages” that make the family unhealthy (diagnosis), then to help in understanding these engagements and developing productive ways of interaction.

Another construct used to analyze marital interactions is the idea that family conflicts are based on the unconscious struggle of spouses for power and influence, competition and rivalry with each other (in the Russian version, this can be expressed by the proverb-question: “Who is in the house?” master?"). The counselor's work in this model of psychotherapy is focused on establishing a balance between spouses, where the gains or losses of one will be offset by the gains or losses of the other.

Psychoanalytic (N. Ackerman, K. Sager, etc.), cognitive-behavioral (R. Dreikurs, A. Ellis, etc.) approaches in family therapy are more traditional than the systemic approach.

The analysis of numerous theoretical constructions and practice of work of family counselors has generated a vivid and convenient for everyday use typology, where all the numerous systems of working with families (depending on the approach chosen by the psychologist to the goals of work and understanding of one’s own functions) are divided into three groups: “leading”, “ reactive" and "system cleaners".

"Lead" therapists are authoritarian. In an effort to create healthy relationships in the family, they act from the position of a “super-parent”, who knows better than family members what is good or bad for its members and actively acts. This completely relieves clients from independent efforts, relieves them of responsibility. In fairness, we note that for a person or family who applied for help during a deep crisis, such an attitude at the initial stage of the consultative process is not only necessary, but also the only possible one, since people who have just experienced a life catastrophe are often in a state of age regression, when the forms of response characteristic of a frightened helpless child return. In the case of working with such clients (families or individuals), the consultant consciously takes a “parental position” and chooses a parenting strategy, gradually “growing and re-educating”, helping to believe in oneself, gain a foothold in oneself, learn to interact productively first with oneself and then with others. It is this approach that is presented in the earlier description of structural family therapy (S. Minukhin).

"Reactive" family psychotherapists, in order to achieve positive changes in the family, try to mobilize its own internal development potential. They are "included" in the environment and atmosphere of the family with which the work is carried out. It is convenient to carry out such therapy together: one of the psychologists allows himself to be drawn into the created family situation (in this case, he most often takes on the role of a child), the second acts as an observer and keeps a little more aloof (as if outside the family system).

If we remember that reactive psychotherapists are theoretically oriented primarily towards psychoanalysis, then it is not difficult to understand both the origins of such work and its essence. The psychoanalytic approach assumes that in his activity the therapist performs both of these functions (both identification with the client and isolation, removal from him). In the process of interacting with the client, he alternately identifies with him, penetrates deeply into his problems, then moves away from the client and his situation in order to objectively judge. Here, these functions are, as it were, “divided* between two psychologists.

"System cleaners" primarily seek to clean up the rules by which the family lives. The consultant tries to counteract wrong behavior, to force them to abandon immature and pathological forms of behavior. This method is typical for strategic family therapy and systemic family therapy of the Milanese scientific school (you can get acquainted with one of the variants of this approach by reading the bright and talented works of Virginia Satir, which have been translated into Russian and published several times in our country).

Interpersonal counseling for spouses

As a rule, a family turns to psychological counseling during difficult periods of life, when tension is felt, relationships between its members are disturbed, and conflicts arise.

Analyzing the problems with which spouses often turn to counseling, researchers (Yu.E. Aleshina, V.Yu. Menovshchikov) consider the most typical:

Various kinds of conflicts and mutual dissatisfaction associated with the distribution of marital roles and responsibilities;

Conflicts, problems, dissatisfaction of spouses due to differences in views on family life and interpersonal relationships;

Sexual problems, dissatisfaction of one spouse with another in this area and their mutual inability to establish normal sexual relations;

Difficulties and conflicts in the relationship of a married couple with the parents of one or both spouses;

Illness (mental or physical) of one of the spouses, problems and difficulties caused by the need to adapt the family to the disease, negative attitude towards themselves and others around the patient or family members;

Problems of power and influence in marital relationships;

Lack of warmth in the relationship of spouses, lack of intimacy and trust, communication problems.

With all the external differences, these problems are similar: difficulties arise in the sphere of relations with another person. However, these problems are only a marker of trouble in the inner world of a person (these can be distorted ideas about a man and a woman, their duties and desired behavior, a discrepancy between the desired and real attitude, a negative attitude towards oneself and a partner, self-destructive feelings of guilt, resentment, fear, anger, etc.).

Basic Counseling Strategy for Disrupted Marital Relationships

We approach counseling on relationship problems through the study of the specifics of a person's subjective image of the world and the reconstruction of certain fragments of it.

Such an understanding of the image of the world of personality is close to the concept of myth in the cultural sense that this term has acquired today (E. Cassirer, S. Kripper, A. Lobok, A. Losev, etc.). We define the image of the world as an individual myth of a person about himself, other people, the world and his destiny in the time of his life and historical time. This is a holistic formation of self-consciousness, a picture that exists at the cognitive and figurative-emotional level and regulates life relationships, behavior, and the existence of a person in the world. The central component of the image of the world is the "image of the Self" - a system of ideas and relations of a person to himself (and everything that he considers his own) in the time of life and historical time. Other structural links of the image of the world are the image of another person (close and distant; men and women), the image of the world as a whole, which at a deep level is manifested in a feeling of ontological certainty or insecurity of a person in the world. This myth changes with the spiritual and mental development of the individual and serves as an internal basis for regulating behavior and making life choices.

It is the reconstruction of the subjective image of the world of the individual that becomes the main strategy of counseling. This involves providing assistance at all stages of the formation of a new system of relations of the family and each of its members to themselves, others, the world in the time of their lives from the moment they seek psychological help to the formation of positive relations of family members to themselves, others, the world as a whole. The consultant accompanies the family on its difficult journey from trouble to prosperity. It helps one or both spouses to realize not only external, but also internal reasons for the violation of relations; realize your image of the world or those of its fragments that are associated with a violation of interaction; provides psychological support; promotes self-knowledge and knowledge of another person; develops empathy (the ability to take the place of another person and feel him as oneself) and reflexive abilities (the ability to mentally go beyond the immediate situation of interaction and look at it as if from the outside). As a result of such work, the client gets the opportunity to walk on both sides of the street of interaction, to see and understand not only his own experiences, but also the experiences of another person, begins to better understand the motives, feelings, conflicts (his own and the other person). All this makes it possible to reconstruct your image of the world and master new, more productive models of interaction and behavior.

Ways to organize the process of family counseling

Family counseling is not necessarily work with all family members at the same time. At different stages of the process, various ways of organizing the process of family counseling can be combined in different proportions: communication with the whole family, individual counseling of one of its members, work with a married couple, work with a nuclear family, i.e. with the family in the narrow sense of the word (father-mother-children), work with the extended family (it also includes grandparents and those close ones who influence family relations: aunts, uncles, etc.); work with an ecosystem or a social network.

Individual work with one of the members of a married couple. In this case, the classic “consultant-client” relationship develops, but here, too, the context of family relations is invisibly present (in the memory and images of the client, in his drawings and replayed situations, etc.). The family continues to exist "in terms of representation, secondary image and can be interpreted and evaluated by the patient" (N. Pezeshkian, 1994).

If, during individual counseling, family problems or complaints about a misunderstanding of household members arise, then you need to gently and unobtrusively lead the client to the idea that

it is pointless to set yourself the goal of "changing your wife or children and their attitude towards me." However, it is possible to change yourself, think over your behavior and your role in the family, and then, most likely, close people will treat you differently. For this, it is quite possible to use the technique of therapeutic parables (N. Pezeshki-an and others). For example, as if by the way ask a question about the difference between a psychologist and a policeman, and then explain with a smile that if someone complains to a policeman about a neighbor, then he deals with the neighbor, and if they complain to a psychologist, then he deals with himself complainant.

But there are other cases where successful one-on-one counseling by one of the members of a couple provokes resistance from the other. If one person consults, and the other does not want any changes in family relations (as the saying goes: “We have never lived well, it’s not worth starting”), then there is a danger of unbalancing the emotional dynamics of the family system. Domestics begin to experience anxiety and may try to return the person to the old role stereotypes, to self-destructive behavior.

Let's take a case from practice as an example.

The wife of one of the clients (let's call him Alexander) constantly reproached him for drunkenness. He came to a psychologist alone, as his wife threatened to divorce. She refused a joint consultation1 “You drink, not me. Everything is fine with me and I have nothing to do with a psychologist. ”

However, when in the course of counseling Alexander's behavior changed and he could do without alcohol, his wife experienced acute anxiety. She began to bring home alcohol herself and provoke him to “drink a little”. She succeeded - the usual family triangle "victim-savior-persecutor" was restored. The wife continued to complain to friends and relatives about the "horror of her life" and receive their sympathy, then "saved the poor thing", "educated and punished" him by depriving him of intimacy and human attention.

When a year later, after repeated counseling, the husband seriously stopped drinking, the marriage broke up.

A more optimistic forecast with similar problems is a situation where a married couple is able to come to a psychologist of their own free will. Such an arrival itself indicates that they have an attitude to preserve their life together, which means that there is hope for changes for the better. The task is to find the positive potential of a married couple, which is so necessary to get out of a crisis situation and reconstruct family relationships.

Working with couples. In this case, the husband and wife come to the consultation together, their behavior makes clear the usual patterns of interaction with each other. The consultant can directly bring them to the awareness of conflicting, unproductive forms of interaction. Working with a couple can look at a difficult life situation from different perspectives, help spouses gain a new perspective on life's difficulties and their role in overcoming them, and then find new, more productive ways to interact and resolve difficult issues. However, everything is not so simple: at the first stage of work, a married couple can cause a lot of anxiety to the consultant and jeopardize the very possibility of counseling.

Difficulties of working with a married couple

Conducting a reception in which two clients participate (and even conflicting with each other) is much more difficult than advising one. Although the work with two spouses is more effective, its results are not as deep as is possible with individual counseling: it is less likely to touch on the deep problems that underlie marital disagreements. In order to set up spouses for joint work, to organize and direct a constructive dialogue, special skills and abilities are required from a consultant.

Constructive dialogue is rightfully considered the most effective method of working with a married couple or family as a whole in the initial stages of counseling. The organization of a constructive dialogue includes three stages: preparatory, negotiations and compromise decisions.

The first stage is especially important - the preparatory stage, its task is to find common ground and reformulate the goals of the spouses. As a rule, the conflicting parties (especially in a pre-divorce situation) do not have these goals: after all, they “look in different directions.” A successful reformulation of goals consists in shifting the emphasis from the formal requirements of the spouses to each other, the flow of complaints and insults to purely human contacts. At this stage, the psychologist directs efforts to turn the couple, who often came with unrealistic expectations, into active, responsible participants in the process: he establishes trusting relationships, explains the principles of partnership communication, etc.

Only after that you can proceed to the second stage - negotiations. The conflicting parties begin to meet in the role of full partners, and the psychologist leads these meetings, acting as a mediator, facilitator, model of partnerships. As a result of a gradual exchange of opinions, feelings and wishes, participation in role-playing games and specially simulated situations of interaction, the spouses move on to the third stage - the adoption of a compromise decision.

The situation is especially difficult at the initial stages of counseling: the presence of the second member of the couple somehow makes it difficult to establish therapeutic contact, negatively affects the course of the conversation. Spouses can interrupt each other, enter into negotiations and bicker, trying to argue, explain something or prove to each other. Sometimes a completely paradoxical situation can arise: at some point, conflicting spouses can suddenly unite and ... jointly oppose the consultant. The opposite reaction is also possible: the presence of a partner leads to the fact that the husband or wife becomes taciturn, each of them expects the other to start a conversation and say something important.

Before proceeding to the description of the strategy and tactics of counseling a married couple, we note that there are at least two options for coming to counseling: both spouses together or one of them with complaints about himself or his partner. The most common option is the latter.

When formulating complaints, the subject locus (i.e., who the client complains about) can acquire the following options:

the first complains about the second;

the first and second complain about the third;

the first and second jointly want to figure something out;

the first complains about himself, the second wants to help him.

The main task of the consultant in the first stage is to establish contact with the client (s) and understand what exactly brought him or them to the appointment. However, already at the beginning of the conversation with the spouses, serious difficulties are possible. Sometimes a husband and wife seek not so much to state the essence of the problem as to demonstrate the guilt and shortcomings of the other, remembering more and more sins of the partner, blaming and interrupting each other.

What should the consultant do in this case? In such a situation, the rules of conduct in counseling should be introduced, inviting the spouses to speak in turn and comment on the words of the partner only when time is given for this.

The initial phase of working with a couple may be joint, when the counselor and clients are trying to have a common conversation, or separate. The joint version of the conversation is quite appropriate in the second, third and, possibly, in the fourth case. At the first meeting, when one client complains about another, it is more expedient to listen to the complaints one by one. One of the spouses stays with the consultant, and the second one waits in line outside the office.

At the second stage, the consultant acts as a psychological mediator. He monitors the dialogue and, if necessary, intervenes to direct it.

Psychotechnical techniques used by a psychologist in counseling a married couple are similar to those used in individual counseling, that is, the consultant listens carefully, periodically paraphrases and summarizes what was said. However, paraphrasing is often aimed not at showing the client that the consultant understands and supports him, but at making the client understand his partner.

The consultant directs the repetition of the phrase of the first person to the second. For example, when receiving spouses, it may sound like this: “Sveta, did you understand what Sergey just said? He talked about ... ”(further paraphrasing follows).

Basic requirements for working with a married couple

Counseling for a married couple must comply with the principle of a humane attitude towards each family member and the family as a whole and faith in its strength; not alteration, but qualified assistance and support for natural development. The world of the family is an unconditional value. The counselor must accept the family and its positions and make the clients feel it.

The consultant should respect the autonomy of the family dyad that applied for help, its right to freely choose its own path of development (unless, of course, its lifestyle does not threaten the life and health of the child). Remember: counseling is effective only when it contributes to the maintenance, preservation and positive development of the family as a whole.

The consultant carries out an individual approach to the family and each of its members, while relying on the development resources that the family really has. Counseling should be carried out in the logic of positive opportunities for the development of the family, and not artificially impose goals and tasks on the spouses from the outside.

When counseling a married couple, a psychologist must observe the principle of realism: do not try to “remake the family or any of its members”, “ensure well-being or employment”. He can only support during the period of overcoming “life gaps”, help to overcome the typical estrangement from oneself and the world during crisis periods, create conditions for identifying internal resources that allow one to “become the author and creator of one’s life” and gain greater flexibility in relations as between family members. , and in the relationship of the family with the "big world".

The ability to listen and hear each of the parties helps to establish contact, which means it gives a chance for successful counseling.

When counseling a family, it is necessary to structure the admission process more clearly.

Work with the nuclear family, i.e. with the family in the narrow sense of the word (father, mother, children). The advantages of this process are that the family comes to the consultation in full force and here, during a short therapeutic meeting, they will continue the very life that they live at home in their usual forms, and therefore, special means will not be required for a family diagnosis.

Working with a nuclear family is especially appropriate when there is a symptom of a child's psychological distress in the family. From the point of view of systemic family psychotherapy, violations in the child's behavior are perceived as a key to "family pain", as a kind of message about the crisis processes that the whole family suffers from. “As far as children's trouble is obvious, the general family dysfunction behind it is camouflaged, hidden in the deep recesses of family life. And of course, this always annoying childhood illness, which causes so much inconvenience to adults, would not be so stubborn if in some sense it was not necessary, “useful” for the family as a whole, would not work for it, i.e. would not have some kind of “conditional desirability”, keeping the family from breaking up and at the same time allowing the status quo of defective relationships to be maintained” (T.V. Snegireva, 1991).

Working with an extended family, which includes not only mother, father and children, but also other close people (grandmothers, grandfathers, uncles, aunts and other family members who influence her life and system of relationships).

Ecosystem work. In the process of counseling, external contacts and social institutions are taken into account and included as intermediate variables.

The family counselor must be extremely careful. First of all, he needs to take into account that general family dysfunction, as a rule, is camouflaged and hidden in the deep recesses of family life: spouses often speak, think, reason, and even believe on one level, while interacting, feeling, experiencing - on another, which forms both

the hidden infrastructure of their lives. Each step of the psychologist along this terra incognita may encounter resistance from family members. For a family counseling specialist, the question always remains: how far can one go when interacting with family reality, compressing in a short number of meetings that psychological experience that life itself usually takes months and years to acquire.

For example, in crisis periods of life, alcoholization of the head of the family is often observed. However, in this case it does not make sense to work only with the head of the family himself: alcoholism is often only a symptom, an indicator of family trouble, the presence of dysfunctional intra-family relationships. The fact is that alcohol is a drug that causes a feeling of warmth, safety and comfort. In a family where wives are either overly authoritarian or coldly reserved, alcohol "replaces" many of the functions traditionally attributed to the family (security, trust, warmth, intimacy). In addition, alcohol often becomes a “homely way” for a man to somehow relax and get away from life's problems. Therefore, it is necessary to consider alcoholism as an indicator of a lack of emotional support and work not only with the drinking spouse, but also with existing family relationships, rules and beliefs, the content of the behavior of family members in relation to each other.

Whatever type of interaction the psychologist chooses to counsel the family that seeks help, it is important that he leans on the positive resources of its members, seeks to support and develop the best feelings and abilities of parents and children. Only such an approach can prevent serious conflicts and violations.

Counseling for relationship difficulties with children

No less often than with a request for help in restoring family relations, spouses turn to counseling with complaints about the difficulties of relationships with children of various ages - from preschoolers to students and older. Moreover, these are children who do not have any deviations, but there is the biggest problem - relationships with their own parents, misunderstanding, reaching alienation.

The most typical complaints are constant conflicts with the child, disobedience and stubbornness of children (especially during periods of crisis); inattention; disorganized behavior; deceit (for which they take both “pseudo-lie”, i.e. childish fantasies, and lies for salvation, out of fear of being punished, stubbornness, lack of communication, disrespect for parents, disobedience, rudeness ... The list of these “sins” can be continued up to infinity.

What should a psychologist-consultant do at the stage of work with a complaint and request?

First of all, fill the complaint-request with specific content (what kind of behavioral situations became the basis of the appeal).

Provide a “stereoscopic” view of the situation (and the view of the parents, and the view of the child, and psychodiagnostic materials).

In any case, the psychologist should be on the side of the child. His work does not consist in confirming the presence of a “negative” quality in a child (which in some cases the parent only expects), but in putting forward a hypothesis together with the parent about the history of his development, his capabilities and ways to overcome conflict relations with parents).

The reasons for the violation of parent-child relations are, first of all, the inability to understand the child, the mistakes of upbringing that have already been made (not from evil, but due to the limited and traditional ideas about upbringing) and, of course, the domestic and personal disorder of the parents themselves, so typical of recent years.

In general, in psychological counseling regarding the complexity of relationships with children, it is advisable to single out three organically related areas.

1. Increasing the socio-psychological competence of parents, teaching them communication skills and conflict resolution.

2. Psychological assistance to adult family members, which includes both diagnostics of the family situation and work to change it.

3. Psychotherapeutic work directly with the child.

The main object of influence is the sphere of consciousness of parents, the system of stereotypes, forms of interaction in the family (A.S. Spivakovskaya). That is why for many parents it is extremely important to combine the first and second areas of work. First of all, work to overcome pedagogical and educational stereotypes.

One of them is the stereotype of a violent influence on a child, which, as if in mockery, parents call upbringing.

For many Russian fathers and mothers, the very idea that force-feeding a child, pushing a spoonful of porridge through tightly clenched teeth, may seem absurd, is cruel abuse of a child. This gesture of care leaves a hole in the symbolic boundaries of the child's physicality, violates its integrity and... shapes the future victim, who is already ready to come to terms with the penetration of another person into her personal space.

At the same time, effective communication with a child rests on three pillars: unconditional acceptance; acknowledging how the child feels; giving him a choice. This is the most important discovery of humanistic and psychoanalytic psychology (K. Rogers, H. Ginott, A. Faber and others). Educational work with parents should be aimed, on the one hand, at overcoming unproductive stereotypes and accepting the ideas of raising a person with self-esteem, and on the other hand, at mastering ways of interacting with children that are adequate to these ideas.

The first step that an adult can (and should) take towards a child is to “accept him and join him”, to assume (nothing more!) that the child is right in his attitude towards the people around him, whatever it is, this installation, neither was.

The second is to create the experience of a truly human relationship with the child. After all, the driving force behind the development of a child is his affective relationship with those people who care about him; the condition for the meaningfulness of his personal existence is the life experience shared with other people. At the heart of the violation of personality development, aggressiveness, cruelty, equally characteristic of children and adults, are not only conflicts, but also a lack of emotional warmth at an early age. It is necessary to deeply understand the inner world of the child and create the experience of "corrective care", to fill in the warmth that was not given to the child, to warm his soul.

Studies carried out in line with psychoanalytic pedagogy (K. Bütner, E. Gil, M. Leder, etc.) have established: the absence of emotional warmth, insults, and cruelty that a child has endured have a fateful influence on his entire future life. Children who have experienced abuse grow up suspicious, vulnerable. They have a distorted attitude towards themselves and others, they are not capable of trust, too often out of tune with their own feelings, they are prone to cruel relationships with others, as if again and again taking revenge on them for their experience of humiliation.

Another important point in counseling on the problem of child-parent relationships: when analyzing each conflict situation, help the parent walk on both sides of the street of educative interaction, look at what happened through the eyes of both an adult and a child. It's important to ask yourself questions like: What in my child's developmental history might have led to aggressive behavior? Could this situation have provoked an outburst of anger? What is the "adult's contribution" to the conflict? Only in this way will we learn to understand at least some of what we want to influence. If we look into the "spiritual underground" of children and parents, we will see a "hell" of mutual insults and mental trauma, love and hatred, which "samely mark a person's life path."

Research into the nature of aggressive behavior (K. Byutner, V. A. Goryanina, E. V. Olshanskaya and others). showed that at the heart of any conflict, unmotivated, at first glance, the explosion of a child's aggression is fear. All the numerous fears (before death, society and its individual representatives, persons of the opposite sex, before their forbidden, from the point of view of morality, feelings) are characteristic of both the child and the adult raising him. They arise on the basis of the experienced negative experience: the memory of it is actualized in the fear of being injured, offended. The fear of being attacked in a situation somewhat reminiscent of past experience transforms into anger, rage, an archaic feeling of malice.

The first step towards a truly humane upbringing is in the understanding by adults of the subjective image of the child's world, his feelings and emotions, including those that in our culture are accustomed to consider negative; the second - in an effort to get rid of fear, to create a relationship free from fear, "the corrective experience of care." To do this, it is necessary to abandon the manipulation of behavior and repressive measures (marks, remarks, punishments, etc.) and turn to the sphere of feelings and experiences of the child, learn to understand the child and interact with him.

The idea of ​​a corrective experience of caring is easier to proclaim than to implement. There are many obstacles on her way. And the first of them is parents brought up in fear and lack of freedom. That is why it is advisable to include methods in counseling parents that give living knowledge and liberate their own emotional-reflexive sphere, allowing them to accept themselves and feel confident in interacting with children.

In the process of counseling parents, two tactics of work are possible:

the first is the strengthening of the cognitive aspect. Here, basically, the most important issues of the upbringing and psychological development of children, marital relationships, etc. are revealed;

the second is work primarily with the emotional, sensual side of relationships, the search for the true, unconscious causes of violations in relationships. Particular attention is paid to the relationship between the consultant and clients, and role modeling of problem situations and finding ways out of them often become the main tool. Often a group form of work is used, where the condition of internal and external

changes becomes the very situation of social influence. This is expressed as follows:

group members are influenced by the leader and other participants in the group process;

participants identify with each other and the group leader;

each of the participants appropriates the group experience through work with their own and others' emotional problems.

In the classroom, a special place is given to the analysis of family relations, techniques and methods of education in grandparent families. An integral part of the classes is homework for parents, familiarity with various games and the disclosure of the psychological aspects of a particular game.

The choice of work tactics is determined by the duration of counseling, education, age of clients, the type of family they represent (full or incomplete), and the readiness of parents for the upcoming inner work. However, in the process of long-term counseling, by the type of psychological support, the work, as a rule, acquires an integrative character: both sides are in the focus of the consultant's attention, although to varying degrees at different stages of work.

These tactics can be used in social protection institutions.

Questions and tasks

1. Describe the main approaches to family counseling.

2. Expand the main stages of the counseling process.

3. Describe the methods and techniques used in family counseling.

4. Describe the main approaches to family counseling.

5. What are the main types of practice of family counselors.

6. What are the main requirements for working with a married couple?

7. What are the features of counseling about the difficulties of relationships with children.

Essay topics

1. Individual psychological counseling.

2. Family counseling.

3. Counseling for a married couple.

4. Family consultant: personality and activities.

Aleshina Yu. E. Individual and family psychological counseling. - M., 1994.

Bayard R., Bayard J. Your Restless Teen: A Practical Guide for Desperate Parents. - M., 1991.

Burmenskaya G. V., Karabanova O. A., Lidere A. G. Age-related psychological counseling: Problems of mental development of children. - M., 1990.

Winnicott D. Conversation with parents. - M., 1994.

Whitaker K., Bamberri V. Dancing with the family. - M., 1997.

Gippenreiter Yu.B. Communicate with a child ... How? - M., 1997.

Ginott H.J. Parents and children. - M., 1992.

Loseva VK, Lunkov AI Consider the problem. - M., 1995.

Nelson-Jones R. Theory and practice of counseling. - St. Petersburg, 2000.

Oaklander V. Windows on the child's world: A guide to child psychotherapy. - M., 1997.

Satir V. How to build yourself and your family. - M., 1992.

A lot of research has been devoted to the family and marriage from antiquity to the present day. Even the ancient thinkers Plato and Aristotle substantiated their views on marriage and the family, criticized the type of family of their time and put forward projects for its transformation.

Science has extensive and reliable information about the nature of family relations in the history of the development of society. Family change has evolved from promiscuity (promiscuity), group marriage, matriarchy and patriarchy to monogamy. The family passed from a lower form to a higher one as society ascended the stages of development.

Based on ethnographic research, three eras can be distinguished in the history of mankind: savagery, barbarism and civilization. Each of them had its own social institutions, dominant forms of relations between a man and a woman, and its own family.

A great contribution to the study of the dynamics of family relations in the history of the development of society was made by the Swiss historian I. Ya. 1865).

For the early stages of social development was characterized by promiscuity of sexual relations. With the advent of childbirth, a group marriage arose, which regulated these relations. Groups of men and women lived side by side and were in a "communal marriage" - each man considered himself the husband of all women. Gradually, a group family was formed, in which the woman occupied a special position. Through hetaerism (gynecocracy) - relations based on the high position of women in society - all nations passed in the direction of individual marriage and the family. The children were in the women's group and only when they grew up they moved to the men's group. Initially, endogamy dominated - free ties within the clan, then, as a result of the emergence of social "taboos", exogamy (from the Greek "exo" - outside and "gamos" - marriage) - the prohibition of marriages within "one's" clans and the need to enter into it with members of other communities. The genus consisted of halves arising during the union of two linear exogamous tribes, or phratries (a dual-clan organization), in each of which men and women could not marry each other, but found a mate among men and women of the other half of the genus . The taboo of incest (the prohibition on incest) was investigated by E. Westermark. He proved that this powerful social norm strengthened the family. A consanguineous family appeared: marriage groups were divided by generations, sexual relations between parents and children were excluded.

Later, a punaluan family developed - a group marriage that included brothers with their wives or a group of sisters with their husbands. In such a family, sexual intercourse between sisters and brothers was excluded. Kinship was determined on the maternal side, paternity was unknown. Such families were observed by L. Morgan in the Indian tribes of North America.

Then a polygamous marriage was formed: polygamy, polyandry. Savages killed newborn girls, because of which there was an excess of men in each tribe, and women had several husbands. In this situation, when it was impossible to determine paternal kinship, maternal right developed (the right to children remained with the mother).

Polygamy arose because of the significant loss of men during the wars. There were few men, and they had several wives.

The leading role in the family has shifted from the woman (matriarchy) to the man (patriarchy). At its core, patriarchy was associated with inheritance law, i.e. with the power of the father, not the husband. The task of the woman was reduced to the birth of children, the heirs of the father. She was required to observe marital fidelity, since motherhood is always obvious, but fatherhood is not.

In the code of the Babylonian king Hammurabi, several millennia BC, monogamy was proclaimed, but at the same time, the inequality of men and women was fixed. The master in a monogamous family was a male father, interested in keeping property in the hands of blood heirs. The composition of the family was significantly limited, the strictest marital fidelity was required from the woman, and adultery was severely punished. Men, however, were allowed to take concubines. Similar laws were issued in ancient and middle ages in all countries.

Many ethnographers have noted that prostitution has always existed as the antithesis of monogamy. In some societies, the so-called religious prostitution was widespread: the leader of the tribe, the priest or other representative of the authorities had the right to spend the first wedding night with the bride. The belief prevailed that the priest, using the right of the first night, sanctified the marriage. It was considered a great honor for the newlyweds if the king himself used the right of the first night.

In studies devoted to the problems of the family, the main stages of its evolution are traced: for almost all peoples, the account of kinship through the mother preceded the account of kinship through the father; at the primary stage of sexual relations, along with temporary (brief and occasional) monogamous relationships, extensive freedom of marital relations prevailed; gradually the freedom of sexual life was limited, the number of persons having the marriage right to this or that woman (or man) decreased; The dynamics of marital relations in the history of the development of society consisted in the transition from group marriage to individual marriage.

The relationship between parents and children has also been transformed throughout history. There are six styles of relationships with children.

Infanticidal - infanticide, violence (from antiquity to the 4th century AD).

Throwing - the child is given to the nurse, to a strange family, to a monastery, etc. (IV-XVII centuries).

Ambivalent - children are not considered full members of the family, they are denied independence, individuality, "molded" in the "image and likeness", in case of resistance they are severely punished (XIV-XVII centuries).

Obsessive - the child becomes closer to his parents, his behavior is strictly regulated, the inner world is controlled (XVIII century).

Socializing - the efforts of parents are aimed at preparing children for independent life, the formation of character; the child for them is an object of upbringing and education (XIX - early XX century).

Helping - parents seek to ensure the individual development of the child, taking into account his inclinations and abilities, to establish emotional contact (mid-20th century - present).

In the 19th century empirical studies of the emotional sphere of the family, the drives and needs of its members appear (primarily the work of Frederic Le Play). The family is studied as a small group with its own life cycle, history of emergence, functioning and disintegration. The subject of research are feelings, passions, mental and moral life. In the historical dynamics of the development of family relations, Le Play stated the direction from the patriarchal family type to the unstable one, with the fragmented existence of parents and children, with the weakening of paternal authority, leading to the disorganization of society.

Further, studies of relationships in the family are concentrated on the study of interaction, communication, interpersonal consent, closeness of family members in various social and family situations, on the organization of family life and the factors of stability of the family as a group (the works of J. Piaget, Z. Freud and their followers).

The development of society determined the change in the system of values ​​and social norms of marriage and the family that support the extended family, the sociocultural norms of a high birth rate were supplanted by social norms of a low birth rate.

National features of family relations

Until the middle of the XIX century. the family was considered as the initial micromodel of society, social relations were derived from family relations, the society itself was interpreted by researchers as a family that had grown in breadth, moreover, as a patriarchal family with the corresponding attributes: authoritarianism, property, subordination, etc.

Ethnography has accumulated extensive material reflecting the national characteristics of family relations. So, in ancient Greece, monogamy dominated. The families were numerous. There was an incest taboo. The father was the master of his wife, children, concubines. Men enjoyed greater rights. Women for treason were subjected to severe punishment, but the Spartan could give his wife to any guest who asked him about it. Children of other men remained in the family if they were healthy boys.

In ancient Rome, monogamy was welcomed, but extramarital affairs were widespread. According to the laws of Roman law, marriage existed solely for the purpose of procreation. Great importance was attached to the wedding ceremony, extremely expensive, painted to the smallest detail. The authority of the father was exceptional, the children obeyed only him. A woman was considered part of her husband's property.

Science has extensive information about the impact of Christianity on the institution of the family in many countries of the world. Church doctrine sanctified monogamy, sexual purity, chastity, anathematized polygamy and polyandry. However, in practice, the clergy did not always follow the church canons. The Church extolled virginity, abstinence in widowhood, virtuous marriage. Marriages of Christians with non-Christians were considered sinful. A liberal attitude towards them was only in the period of early Christianity, since it was believed that with the help of marriage, a Christian could convert another erring one to the true faith.

In early Christianity, marriage was considered a private matter. In the future, the norm of marriage with the consent of the priest was fixed. Even a widow could not remarry without his blessing.

The church also dictated the rules of sexual relations. In 398, the Karfanes Cathedral decided that the girl had to keep her virginity for three days and three nights after the wedding. And only later was it allowed to have sexual intercourse on the wedding night, but only on condition that the church fee was paid.

Formally, Christianity recognized the spiritual equality of women and men. However, in reality, the position of women was humiliated. Only some categories of women - widows, virgins, serving in monasteries and hospitals - had authority in society, were in a privileged position.

Family in Russia

In Russia, family relations became an object of study only in the middle of the 19th century.

The sources of the study were ancient Russian chronicles and literary works. Historians D.N. Dubakin, M.M. Kovalevsky and others gave a deep analysis of family and marriage relations in Ancient Russia. Particular attention was paid to the study of the Domostroy family code, a literary monument of the 16th century, published in 1849.

In the 20-50s. XX century research reflected the development trends of modern family relations. So, P. A. Sorokin analyzed the crisis phenomena in the Soviet family: the weakening of marital, parent-child and family ties. Kindred feelings have become a less strong bond than party camaraderie. In the same period, works devoted to the "women's issue" appeared. In the articles of A. M. Kollontai, for example, the freedom of a woman from her husband, parents, and motherhood was proclaimed. The psychology and sociology of the family were declared bourgeois pseudosciences incompatible with Marxism.

Since the mid 50s. family psychology began to revive, theories appeared that explained the functioning of the family as a system, the motives for marriage, revealing the features of marital and parent-child relationships, the causes of family conflicts and divorces; family psychotherapy began to develop actively (Yu.A. Aleshina, A.S. Spivakovskaya, E.G. Eidemiller, etc.).

The analysis of sources allows us to trace the dynamics of the development of family relations "from Russia to Russia". At each stage of the development of society, a certain normative model of the family prevailed, including family members with a certain status, rights and obligations, and normative behavior.

The normative pre-Christian family model included parents and children. The relationship between mother and father was either conflict, or built on the principle of "dominance-submission". Children were subordinate to their parents. The conflict of generations, opposition of parents and children was characteristic. The distribution of roles in the family assumed the responsibility of the man for the external, natural, social environment, while the woman was more included in the inner space of the family, in the house. The status of a married person was higher than that of a single person. A woman had freedom both before marriage and in marriage, the power of men - husband, father - was limited. The woman had the right to divorce and could return to her parents' family. Unlimited power in the family was enjoyed by the "bolyiukha" - the wife of the father or eldest son, as a rule, the most able-bodied and experienced woman. Everyone was obliged to obey her - both women and younger men in the family.

With the advent of the Christian model of the family (XII-XIV centuries), relations between household members changed. The man began to reign supreme over them, everyone was obliged to obey him, he was responsible for the family. The relationship of spouses in a Christian marriage assumed a clear awareness of each family member of his place. The husband, as the head of the family, was obliged to bear the burden of responsibility, the wife humbly took second place. She was instructed to do needlework, housework, as well as the upbringing and education of children. Mother and child were somewhat isolated, left to their own devices, but at the same time they felt the invisible and formidable power of the father. “Raise a child in prohibitions”, “loving your son, increase his wounds” - it is written in Domostroy. The main duties of children are absolute obedience, love for parents, care for them in old age.

In the sphere of interpersonal relations of spouses, parental roles dominated over erotic roles, the latter were not completely denied, but were recognized as insignificant. The wife had to “undo” her husband, i.e. act in accordance with his wishes.

According to Domostroy, family pleasures include: comfort in the house, delicious food, honor and respect from neighbors; fornication, foul language, anger are condemned. The condemnation of significant, respected people was considered a terrible punishment for the family. Dependence on people's opinion is the main feature of the national character of family relations in Russia. The social environment needed to demonstrate family well-being and it was strictly forbidden to disclose family secrets, i.e. there were two worlds - for themselves and for people.

The Russians, like all the Eastern Slavs, for a long time were dominated by a large family, uniting relatives in direct and lateral lines. Such families included grandfather, sons, grandchildren and great-grandchildren. Several married couples jointly owned property and ran a household. The family was led by the most experienced, mature, able-bodied man who had power over all family members. He, as a rule, had an adviser - an older woman who ran the household, but did not have such power in the family as in the XII-XIV centuries. The position of the rest of the women was completely unenviable - they were practically powerless, they did not inherit any property in the event of the death of their spouse.

By the 18th century in Russia, an individual family of two or three generations of relatives in a straight line has become normative.

At the turn of the XIX-XX centuries. researchers recorded a family crisis, accompanied by deep internal contradictions. The authoritarian power of the male was lost. The family has lost the function of home production. The nuclear family, consisting of spouses and children, has become the normative model.

In the eastern and southern national outskirts of pre-revolutionary Russia, family life was built in accordance with patriarchal traditions, polygamy was preserved, and the father's unlimited power over children. Some peoples had a custom to take kalym - a ransom for the bride. It was not uncommon for parents to make a deal while the bride and groom were still babies, or even before they were born. Along with this, bride kidnapping was practiced. Having kidnapped or bought a wife, the husband became her full owner. The fate of the wife was especially difficult if she ended up in a family where the husband already had several wives. In Muslim families, there was a certain hierarchy among wives, which gave rise to rivalry and jealousy. Among the Eastern peoples, divorce was the privilege of a man, it was carried out very easily: the husband simply kicked his wife out.

Many peoples of Siberia, the North and the Far East for a long time retained the remnants of the tribal system and polygamy. People were under the strong influence of shamans.

Modern studies of family and marriage relations

Currently, the problems of matrimony - parenthood - kinship are paid more attention not only in theory, but also in practice. In the works of Yu. I. Aleshina, V. N. Druzhinin, S. V. Kovalev, A. S. Spivakovskaya, E. G. Eidemiller and other scientists, it is emphasized that the family directly or indirectly reflects all the changes taking place in society, although and has a relative independence, stability. Despite all the changes and upheavals, the family as a social institution has survived. In recent years, her ties with society have weakened, which negatively affected both the family and society as a whole, which is already in need of restoring old values, studying new trends and processes, as well as organizing practical preparation of young people for family life.

The psychology of family relations is developing in connection with the tasks of preventing nervous and mental diseases, as well as the problems of family education. The issues considered by family psychology are diverse: these are the problems of marital, parent-child relationships, relationships with older generations in the family, development directions, diagnostics, family counseling, and correction of relationships.

The family is the object of study of many sciences - sociology, economics, law, ethnography, psychology, demography, pedagogy, etc. Each of them, in accordance with its subject, studies specific aspects of the functioning and development of the family. Economy - consumer aspects of the family and its participation in the production of material goods and services. Ethnography - features of the way of life and life of families with different ethnic characteristics. Demography is the role of the family in the process of population reproduction. Pedagogy - its educational opportunities.

The integration of these areas of family study makes it possible to obtain a holistic view of the family as a social phenomenon that combines the features of a social institution and a small group.

The psychology of family relations focuses on the study of the patterns of interpersonal relations in the family, intra-family relations (their stability, stability) from the standpoint of influencing the development of the individual. Knowledge of regularities allows us to carry out practical work with families, diagnose and help rebuild family relationships. The main parameters of interpersonal relations are status-role differences, psychological distance, relationship valency, dynamics, stability.

The family as a social institution has its own development trends. Today, the rejection of the traditional requirement for a family in its unambiguous sequence: marriage, sexuality, pro-creation (birth, birth) is no longer considered a violation of sociocultural norms (childbirth out of wedlock, sexual relations before marriage, the inherent value of the intimate relationship of a husband and wives, etc.).

Many modern women do not perceive motherhood as an exclusively marriage attribute. One third of families consider the birth of a child an obstacle to marriage, and women are more so than men (36% and 29%, respectively). A socio-cultural normative system appeared - procreative ethics: it is preferable, but not necessary, to marry; having children is desirable, but their absence is not an anomaly; sexual life outside of marriage is not a mortal sin.

A new direction in the development of the psychology of family relations is the development of its methodological foundations, relying on which makes it possible to avoid fragmentation, randomness, and intuitiveness. According to the main methodological principle of consistency, family relations are a structured integrity, the elements of which are interconnected, interdependent. These are marital, parent-child, child-parent, child-child, grandparent-parent, grandparent-child relationships.

An important methodological principle - synergetic - allows us to consider the dynamics of family relations from the standpoint of non-linearity, non-equilibrium, taking into account periods of crisis.

Currently, family psychotherapy is being actively developed, based on a systematic, scientific approach, integrating the accumulated experience, revealing the general patterns of therapy for families with relationship disorders.

Questions and tasks

1. Name the stages of development of the psychology of family relations.

2. Describe family relationships in antiquity.

3. Describe monogamous families.

4. Name the directions of family evolution.

5. Expand the dynamics of your relationship with children.

5. What are the specifics of family relations in Russia?

Essay topics

1. Formation of the psychology of family relations.

2. The evolution of family and marriage relations in the history of the development of society.

3. Orthodox families.

4. Relationships in Muslim families.

5. Attitude towards children in families from antiquity to the present day.

Antonov A. I. Sociology of the family. - M., 1996.

Arutyunyan Yu. V., Drobizheva L. M., Susokolov A. A. Ethnosociology. - M., 1998.

Bakhofen I. Ya. Mother's right. - M., 1861.

Westermark E. History of marriage. - M., 2001.

Vitek K. Problems of marital well-being. - M., 1988.

Kovalevsky M. M. Essay on the origin and development of family and property. - M., 1895.

McLennan JF Primitive marriage. - M., 1861.

SchneiderL.B. Psychology of family relations. - M., 2000.

Engels F. The origin of the family, private property and the state. - M., 1972.

Family for many is the most important thing on earth. A warm hearth is a place where spouses yearn to find peace and tranquility. But sometimes, instead of positive and calm family life brings only mutual disappointment and anger. Why do most couples have so many problems living together? What is the reason for so many divorces and unhappy marriages in modern society? What needs to be done to create a happy family?

Family psychology can help you understand these issues. This section of psychology studies the building of harmonious and deep relationships between members of the cell of society. First, let's understand what a family is.

What is family?

A family is a group of people connected by kinship or marriage, living under the same roof, leading a common household and having a common budget. The basis of the family is usually spouses and their children. However, often young people live together with the parents of one of the partners. Each member of the family has his own duties, which he must fulfill for the sake of the common good.

What a family will be like is determined by a fairly wide range of factors. This is influenced by both the education of the spouses and their cultural level. Also of great importance is the ability of partners to understand each other, to find joint solutions in conflict situations, to show care and patience.

Some Causes of an Unhappy Marriage

Many complain that the partner with whom they started a family does not live up to their expectations. It turns out that the girl, who suffered all her childhood because her father was an evil, selfish alcoholic, married the same scoundrel. Why did it happen so? The psychology of family life claims that the foundation of such relationships is laid in childhood.

It is the relationship between parents that creates in the child the image of what a marriage should be like.

So it turns out that subconsciously a person is looking for a partner similar to one of his parents, continuing an endless cycle of the same mistakes. After all, the children of such people will create their own family, based on the experience of their parents, continuing the negative traditions of their ancestors.

Another problem is that often people try to start a family without getting to know each other properly. They are driven by passion or unexpected pregnancy. But most of these families break up in the first year of marriage. Family psychology teaches that before taking a relationship to such a serious level, you need to get to know your partner properly, accept him as he is.

Love in the family

Initially, when choosing a partner, people are guided by the sexual attractiveness of a person, his external qualities. Sweet speeches of romantics about the divine nature of their feelings in most cases are a pathetic attempt to embellish harsh reality. Only after a strong emotional connection is formed between people and they properly recognize each other's inner world, love arises. Everyone says that a family is built on love, but why then do so many people suffer from a lack of warmth and mutual understanding?

The fact is that rarely a person is loved simply for what he is, accepting all his advantages and disadvantages.

Usually love is given out as a reward for good deeds, with threats to deprive it if the partner does not correspond to some ideal model. The basics of family psychology is to love your partner with all his qualities, good and bad. Instead of constantly nibbling on your spouse for his shortcomings, it is better to focus on the merits, expressing your sympathy and care as often as possible.

Psychology of family life. Conflict resolution

Another problem of family life is the incorrect resolution of conflict situations. Often, serious conflicts or contradictions in the family are resolved in favor of one of the spouses or not resolved at all. This state of affairs leads to the accumulation of mutual discontent and dissatisfaction with each other. Family psychology recommends resolving disputes or conflict situations together, listening to your spouse, respecting his or her opinion. In this way, you will have the skill of working together, you will learn mutual respect and take your relationship to a new level.

Psychology. Family counseling

If problems in the family cannot be solved on their own, but there are reasons to save the marriage, then going to a family psychologist can be a good help. An outsider will be able to more objectively assess the real state of affairs than angry spouses.

If you decide to turn to a specialist, then be honest with him, only then his help will have a chance of success.

It is better to consult a qualified psychologist, beware of dubious doctors practicing unscientific, suspicious methods. If you know a couple who have already been helped by a similar specialist, listen to their feedback and, if they are positive, contact the same person.

Solving problems on your own

If you do not want to wash dirty linen in public, attracting outsiders into your relationship, then there will be a need to independently clean up the psychological garbage accumulated over the years of living together. That's what family psychology is for. The family is considered in this science from all sides, hundreds of various methods have been created to strengthen marriage ties. Some of them are listed above.

Many difficult periods await every young family, but going through them together, you will only become closer to each other. The birth of children, aging, the appearance of grandchildren and many other stages of family life will pass like clockwork if mutual understanding is reached between the spouses. Solve problems that arise in marriage, instead of just postponing them. Then one day you will become a member of a harmonious and happy family. But until you have a lot of experience in living together, family psychology will come to your aid.

The textbook is intended for students of higher educational institutions specializing in psychology and social pedagogy. It reveals the basic psychological patterns of marriage and family as a special space of life. The basic principles and approaches to family counseling as a living developing system are systematized. The main phenomena, problems of family relations are considered in the logic of the deployment of the life phases of family development from premarital courtship to late maturity.

Nikolai Nikolaevich Posysoev
Fundamentals of family psychology and family counseling

Introduction

In recent years, interest in the family of specialists in various fields of scientific knowledge, both theoreticians and practitioners, has increased significantly. In essence, the family is currently a field of multidisciplinary research. Interest in it is connected with the role it plays in the process of formation and development of the individual, and, consequently, the present and future society as a whole. Possessing stability and even some rigidity, the family nevertheless reacts very sensitively to the socio-economic and political processes taking place in society through changes in the system of intra-family relations. The increase in the number of problem families during transitional, crisis periods of social development illustrates this dependence.

Supporting the family and strengthening its educational potential requires specialists working with the family to have deep systemic knowledge, the ability to determine the points of application of professional efforts, to find adequate means and ways of interacting with it. The textbook for future psychologists and social educators systematizes various domestic and foreign approaches to understanding the patterns of functioning and development of the family, as well as methods of psychological and pedagogical work with it. Working on the manual, the authors tried to give a holistic view of the family as a subject of psychological analysis and psychological and pedagogical practice. The central idea underlying it is to consider the family as a special system characterized by a certain cyclical process of formation and development, as well as a special space within which a person lives various emotionally significant events and carries out creative activities for the reproduction of life.

The manual consists of seven chapters, each of which reveals the content of a separate aspect of the psychological analysis of the family and describes a certain area of ​​psychological and pedagogical influence on the family.

Due to the fact that Russia is a multinational state, one of the paragraphs is devoted to the peculiarities of the existence and functioning of the family, due to ethnic and confessional factors.

A separate chapter is devoted to a relatively new field of activity for domestic specialists - psychological counseling of the family. It also examines the approaches of the main psychological schools to working with families, including the experience of Russian psychologists.

The last chapter is devoted to the means of psychological and pedagogical diagnosis of the problem field of the family and ways to work with it. It proposes methods and technologies used at various stages of work with the family, which can be used to develop the practical skills of future specialists.

Chapter 1. FAMILY AS AN OBJECT OF PSYCHOLOGICAL RESEARCH AND IMPACT

1. The psychological content of the concept of "family"

There are a lot of definitions of the family in the scientific literature, and many definitions have entered the public consciousness so long ago that it is difficult to establish the authorship of these definitions.

The family is defined as a social institution, as a cell of society, as a small group of relatives living together and leading a common household. However, the psychological approach to understanding the family (as opposed to, for example, sociological and economic approaches) has its own specifics. Within this approach family It is considered as a space of joint life activity, within which the specific needs of people connected by blood and family ties are satisfied. This space is a fairly complex structure, consisting of various kinds of elements (roles, positions, coalitions, etc.) and a system of relationships between its members. So the structure exists in accordance with the laws of a living organism, therefore it has a natural dynamics, passing through a number of phases and stages in its development.

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Questions for the exam Fundamentals of family psychology and family counseling

10 semester

4. General principles for overcoming violations of the basic functions of the family

5. Group of biological functions of the family; reproductive (childbearing) function

6. Group of psychological functions of the family; psychotherapeutic function, sexual-erotic function

7. Group of microsocial functions of the family; communicative function, educational function and abnormal parenting styles, primary social control

8. Group of macrosocial functions of the family; educational and economic functions

9. Family subsystems and roles, child-parent and child-child relationships

10. Stages and crises of family development before the child enters school: characteristics and socio-pedagogical assistance

11. Compatibility of spouses and their readiness for parental function: characteristics and socio-pedagogical assistance

12. Stages and crises in the development of a family with a child in the elementary grades of school: characteristics and socio-pedagogical assistance

13. Stages and crises in the development of a family with a child in the middle grades of school: characteristics and socio-pedagogical assistance

14. Stages and crises in the development of a family with a child in high school: characteristics and socio-pedagogical assistance

15. Stages and crises of family development after the separation of an adult child: characteristics and socio-pedagogical assistance

16. Dysfunctional families and their typology

17. Family with a sick child: types, stages and crises, assistance

18. Family with drug addiction of one of the spouses (father): types, stages and crises, assistance

19. Family with neurotic disorders and mental infantilism of the child: types, stages and crises, assistance

20. Family with emotional rejection of the child, domestic violence and early forms of deviant behavior of the child: types, stages and crises, assistance

21. A family with a pedagogically neglected child: types, stages and crises, assistance

22. Methods for researching the family and family relations

23. Legal regulation of family relations.

24. Divorce and remarriage - characteristics and methods of assistance

25. Incomplete family: types, stages of development and crises, assistance

26. Preparing youth for family life

27. Psychological education and training of parental competence as basic technologies for working with parents

28. Psychological counseling and family psychotherapy: classification and characteristics of the main areas

29. Stages of family counseling; general and particular counseling algorithms

30. The initial stage of family counseling: the principles of conducting and characteristics of technologies

31. The second stage of family counseling: the principles of conducting and characteristics of technologies

32. The third stage of family counseling: principles of implementation and characteristics of technologies

33. The fourth stage of family counseling: the principles of conducting and characteristics of technologies

34. The fifth stage of family counseling: the principles of conducting and characteristics of technologies

35. Ethical principles and psychological positions of a family counselor

36. Psychotherapeutic (protective) function of parents and its improvement

37. The role of family education as early prevention of deviant behavior and drug addiction in children

38. Techniques of psychological "joining" to the family

39. Methods of questioning about family history; question types

40. Reformulation (reframing): characteristics of the method

41. Ways to activate the cognitive (research) activity of the family

42. Study of the therapeutic request of the family and its development with the help of special questions and the construction of hypotheses.

43. Variants of the technique of psychotherapeutic "homework" for the family.

44. Cognitive-behavioral techniques for studying and improving the basic functions of the family

45. Special algorithms for overcoming family anxiety

46. ​​Special algorithms for overcoming mutual rejection by family members in the family

47. Algorithms for the formation of cohesion in the family and the maintenance of psychological comfort

48. Algorithms for correcting abnormal parenting styles

49. Techniques for changing roles and role-playing situations in family counseling

50. Study of family archives and family genogram

51. Working with irrational expectations, attitudes and scenarios of behavior in the family

52. Family psychodrama: a brief description and use in counseling

53. Structural moves in family counseling

54. Game metaphorical interview, interview with toys in family counseling

55. Non-directive and directive family counseling.

56. Features of individual and general family counseling

57. Group marital and family psychotherapy

58. Parallel correctional, developmental and communication groups for children in family counseling

59. Psychological diagnostics of the family: PARI tests, DIA, Varga-Stolin questionnaire

60. Psychological diagnosis of the family: tests by Rene Gilles, projective drawings of the family

61. Projective Family Diagnosis: Relationship Color Test, Leary Joint Test

62. Using the results of family psychodiagnostics in psychological counseling

family counseling parenting education

1. Essence of marriage and family, life cycle and age-related crises of family development

Family as the most important social institution: The existence of the family, like all social institutions, is determined by social needs. Like all social institutions, the family is a system of actions and relationships necessary for the existence and development of society. "A family is a small social group whose members are united by marriage or consanguinity, common life, mutual assistance, and mutual and moral responsibility."

Through the family, the unity of social and natural in a person, social and biological heredity is most fully expressed. In its essence, the family is the primary link between nature and society, the material and spiritual aspects of people's life.

Family life cycle: The life cycle of a family - a sequence of significant, milestone events in the existence of a family - begins with marriage and ends with its dissolution, that is, divorce. Undivorced spouses, passing through all stages of the life cycle, have served as an ideal type for scientists to distinguish the stages of the family life cycle. It is much more difficult to build a life cycle diagram for spouses who have divorced several times and created repeated families.

In short, the life cycle of a family is as follows. Marriage is the first or initial stage of the family. After some time, the young spouses have their first child. This phase continues from the moment of marriage to the birth of the last child and is called the stage of family growth.

The second stage begins from the moment of the birth of the last child and continues until the time when the first adult child, who has acquired his own family, moves out of the parental family.

At the third stage, the process of resettling adult children continues. It can be very long if the children are born at long intervals, and very short if the children following one after another by year of birth leave the family in turn. It is called the "mature" phase. At this time, the first settled children have their own children and the parental family often turns into a place where grandchildren are brought up.

The fourth stage is the stage of loneliness in old age, or the stage of "fading". It ends with the death of one or both spouses.

The final stage of the life cycle, as it were, repeats the first - the married couple is left alone with themselves. The difference is only in age - in the beginning it is a young couple, and now it has grown old.

2. Historical models of the family, the culture of family relations, the psychological climate and the mechanisms of harmonious family upbringing

The family is the primary cell of the social community of people, based on marriage or consanguinity, one of the most ancient social institutions that arose much earlier than classes, nations, states.

The family is a complex social yav-e, in a cat. intertwined diverse forms of social. rel-th and processes. It is difficult to compare with it any other social formation in which so many diverse human and social needs would be satisfied. The family is a social group that leaves its mark on the whole life of a person.

At the first stages of the development of the human community, the family, in our understanding, did not exist, there were disorderly ties. The first social sanction in intimate relations between a man and a woman was the exclusion from sexual intercourse of parents and their children. This is the historical boundary, with which the premarital state of primitive society passes into socially regulated relations.

The first historical form of the family can be considered the maternal family as part of the clan in the era of matriarchy; sometimes it is called totemic family. This was a comparatively large group of closest female relatives in the first four or five generations. In a family of this type there is a group marriage, the father of the children cannot always be established, and therefore the origin was determined by the maternal line.

house community as a form of family existed among all Indo-European peoples and has survived to this day. It is distinguished by the cohabitation of several generations in one large house. Depending on the line along which the origin is determined, maternal and paternal house communities were distinguished. If the head of the clan is a woman, then only relatives in the female line live in a joint house, and the husbands of women, members of the community, live in the families of their mothers and visit their wives on certain occasions. Polyandry (that is, polyandry) was common in these communities. It is clear that the paternal household community included relatives on the paternal side. There was also a bilateral house community, in which the origin was determined both on the paternal and maternal lines.

Monogamous patriarchal family This is a family in which the father is the head of the family and the owner of the property. The immediate cause of the transition to this type of family is the emergence of private property and the related issue of inheritance.

The individual (nuclear, monogamous) family is the most widespread family form in the modern world. It differs in that it is not only public, but also legally recognized, it is formed as a result of a legal act - a civil or church marriage, or both. It should be noted that the number of family members has a constant tendency to decrease. A typical modern family is a husband, wife, one or two children. Along with a decrease in the number of family members, the nature of the relationship between its members also changes. Greater economic independence of spouses leads to equality and greater independence of each of them. The weakening of emotional ties is accompanied by an increase in the number of divorces, children are deprived of full-fledged parental education, which, of course, leads to the emergence of new problems in society. In addition, there is an increase in extramarital unions, where the family appears as a separate unit of society, but at the same time is not a legal institution. The transformation of the family also affects the relationship between Parents and children. First of all, this is manifested in the fact that the decision of the parents has less and less weight in the marriage of their children, children cease to be carriers of family traditions. Social conditions allow them to establish themselves in society without relying on family traditions.

The modern family is increasingly transforming into a social community based on a marriage bond built on love and mutual respect. Russia is characterized by a high mortality rate among the male population.

The importance of the family in the life of society and the individual in domestic science has long been underestimated. The ideas about the withering away of the institution of the family in a socialist society, inherent in the 20s, supported by official ideology and propaganda, turned out to be very tenacious. They were based on a negative attitude towards the old family, which gradually spread to this institution in general and took root in the public consciousness. At the same time, ideologically oriented propaganda considered the family as something purely "personal", opposing the interests of society. The term "housewife" has a derogatory connotation to date. Demographically, the overemployment of women contributed to the desire of the family to limit childbearing, this became an important factor in reducing the birth rate.

Orientation to " mini children's family"contributed to a change in the way of life of people, the formation of a new social position for women.

The 1994 microcensus also revealed the existence of such a specific category of marriage and family relations as the separation of spouses. Although their share is relatively small: the wife lives separately from her husband with 3.2 married men, the husband lives separately with 4.6 married women. These facts reflect the specifics of the modern development of family and marriage relations.

The changes taking place with the family in Russia throughout the 20th century are not accidental. Today in Russia the family is what it is. Therefore, nostalgia for a traditional family does not make sense: the family can no longer become different, a return to the past is impossible, no matter how much we want it. For the family of the past in modern society there is neither a social nor an economic basis. The crisis, if it exists, concerns rather the traditional family, which is gradually giving way to the family of the modern type.

N. Kozlov identified the following modern forms of the family:

1. Traditional. civil or ecclesiastical marriage. This form most of all protects the rights of children, but contains the maximum number of prohibitions for spouses.

2. Unregistered marriage. An unregistered marriage differs from ordinary friendship by living together and running a household, and according to the legislation existing in our time, it entails the same responsibility as a registered marriage. They are of the opinion: "People get married when they do not trust each other." Speakers of the general opinion, no longer young people, condemn the unregistered marriage of young people and allow people of their own age.

3. Time bound family. Marriage is for a period of time, say three years. After this period, the marriage is considered automatically terminated, after which the former spouses, after weighing the results, decide either to leave, or to be together again for a period or indefinitely. Proponents of this form proceed from the fact that people change.

4. Breaking marriage. The spouses live together, but consider it acceptable to disperse for a certain period. The reasons may be different: tired of each other or you need to write a dissertation. Here the departure is not a tragedy, but the norm. It is more difficult to accept a trip associated with love hobbies.

5. Dating family. Registered, but live separately, each at his own place. They meet several times a week, she cooks for him, sleeps with him, then again each to himself. Children appear - their mother, as a rule, raises them. The father takes care of the children when there is time and desire.

6. Muslim family. In all respects a traditional family, only the husband has the right to have several wives.

7. Swedish family. In all respects, an ordinary family, only a few men and a few women live in it. No need to think that only sex connects them. More often it is a small commune, bound by friendship and household amenities.

8. Open family. These are families in which spouses, to one degree or another, openly or not, allow hobbies and connections outside the family. relationship culturein the family, psychological climate and mechanisms of harmonious family upbringing

In the development of society there was a stage of a tribal system. The tribal family was characterized by polygamy. Such a marriage was necessary for the continuation of the family. Wife's sliver- forcibly taken as wives (stole). ransom- the bride is “buyed” as a wife. In a tribal family, the feeling of love did not participate in the formation of the family. Mixing- spouses were brought together "appointed".

Patriarchal family (6th-7th century) - a monogamous family (man and woman), early marriage of children, provided that the children live with their parents and they have the same craft. Several families - micro-community. The head of the family is a man. The wife is the keeper of the hearth. The business of a man is to work, the business of a woman is to give birth. An attempt to keep the dependence of the young family on the older existed until the 20th century. They did not get married for love, but they chose who to marry and whom to marry.

Large or extended. Signs:

s Living under the same roof for 3-4 generations;

s Maintaining a common housekeeping and household household;

s Employment of each generation in different areas of production;

s The level of sample of each next generation was higher than the previous one;

s Freedom to choose a place of work for each member of the family from the younger generation

Small nuclear family. Signs:

s Full independence of spouses from others in the choice of work, wages, education;

s Lack of c.-l. joint productions by spouses, except for cases of work in one institution;

s the family's lack of need for children, as a means of ensuring old age;

s education of a married couple for love;

s loss of attitudes to preserve virginity;

s birth control (contraception).

Reducing the reproduction of the population - the number of deaths per year is greater than those born.

Simple reproduction of the population - the number of births = deaths.

Expanded reproduction of the population - the number of births slightly exceeds the number of deaths.

3. The concept of the basic functions of the family - their general characteristics

F-and people - a family member and all the rest, which specifically arise under the condition of images of the family and living in it.

4 gr. Fth: 1. biol-e 2. Y-th 3. microsocial 4. macrosocial

4. Biol-e andY-e- these are ind-e (typological, temperamental) and Y-th processes, but specifically developed in the conditions of the group - family: # biologist-I f-I - childbearing m. outside the family, but in the family it is the main one; Y-th f-i - Y-th protection against stress exists outside the family, but family Y-th protections arise in the family and they become basic. Third group- Microsocial - are specific to the family as to the microsocial group. Macrosocial - concerning economic and consumer

5. General principles for overcoming violations of the basic functions of the family

1. identify currently preserved and successfully implemented f-th families;

Consistently, but not every next lesson, 1-2 of them are supported with the corresponding D / s.

The total duration of conferences is 6-7 lessons.

2. search for compensation furs in the family - family rituals, the emergence of new actions (N., in the families of the unemployed, the art of cooking automatically begins to develop, interest in reading, movies develops, simple hobbies that do not require simple expenses arise - fishing, picking mushrooms, family interests are shifting to gardening and orchards)

3. within 1 1.5-2 months it is necessary to establish fur-we compensation in the family and actively encourage their development.

4. if violations of the basic f-th family already cause psychosomatic disorders (neurosis, distance), treatment is necessary (neuropathologist, psychotherapist).

6. Group of biological functions of the family; reproductive (childbearing) function

Leading - reproductive, serves to continue a person as a biological species. This f-I c-on 95-96% of families and 5-6% remain childless. In addition to the primary infertile beings, they are secondarily infertile (there are no children after the first child). The heaviest The form of secondary infertility is infertility after an abortion, their 4%, thus. ten%. The main imperative of childbearing in Russia was survival, so Russian families from the very beginning (1400 years ago) had many children. A culture has developed: \ valued wives, who gave birth every year and every year; \ the more children, the more respected the family; \ practiced many times (in case of infertility of the husband); \stealing a woman to wife (mychka); \ low status of a barren woman (humiliation was stopped by Christianity). The cult of love for children was supported. Mortality of children was 40% up to 20-22 years. Childbearing age 30 years: from 14 to 45-49 years.

Infertility is curable more often in women, only 1/3 of the primary female infertility is not curable. The husband's barren practice is incurable. Single-childhood arose in the 30-60s of XX in connection with the \ large migration from villages to cities \ destruction of the Christian patriarchy \ women are all n.d. work at the enterprise \ loss of a husband in the Second World War \ indulgence from the state-va \ ban on overboard.

Yfamily crises from having many children to having few children: 1) Mismatch between M and F's expectation of the number of children 2) Primary infertility 3) Divorce from long-term infertility 4) Abortion 5) Family with a single child (anxiety)

The main technologies of cons-ii in case of violation of the child-bearing function: with differences in attitudes towards childbearing, we will use the methods of discussion, compare the lists of expenses, expectations, desires, with a gradual convergence of the opinions of both. If one of the spouses refuses to give birth to a child because of social-psychic infantilism, then in tech. 2-3 years, a program for the development of this family member is carried out, as l-ti - structure l-ti "I am an adult"; when giving birth, oh unsure: an obstacle to the birth of 2-3 children, conducting a family psychotherapy with programs to increase the competence of spouses as a kind. With the rise of neurosis and depression due to childlessness. M and F turn to a psychologist cat. works in women's consultations, family centers - strengthening psychological protection against anxiety continuous treatment: a) unite the couple on the basis of the rest of the family functions b) find a new meaning f. not related to children c) guardianship, adoption.

Mutual adaptation of the temperament of the saints in the family and the cons in the case of typological differences in the m / y of the relatives and children. Individuals with different temperaments, paces of mice, work capacity are united in a family. There are problems of adaptation. There are complaints about the procrastination of one and the haste of the other. The Y-th pace is constitutional for the National Assembly, one can only adapt to it. В№ adaptation occurs in premarital per-de and voz-t average Y-th rate. MismatchY-x paces in a pair- usually being an expression of k\l other Y's problems in the family. If, however, a true disagreement is noted at the Y-th pace, then the psychothermal procedures of mutual acceptance of others are checked, then the natural advantages of each temperament are studied, developed -Xia psychotherapist D \ z on the realizable of these advantages. Mismatch-e rates m / y kind-mi and children- reproduce the birth as a bad result of bringing up, and they will begin to “correct” the child. This leads to severe intrapersonal conf-m reb-ka, cat. feel that he does not correspond to his birth number, that he is bad. There are response-e protest districts.

Advantages of different types of temperature: 1. Slow-e (phlegmatic) - \ propensity to think; \disassembly of other people's conf-in; \ high will; \low Alarm level; \leader in careful resh's. 2. High rate (cholera) - \ entrepreneurship; \ fast r-i to change-Xia sots-th sit-th; \high work efficiency; \leader in quick solutions; The consultant should provide a kind of ability to recognize the advantages of the child’s temperature and select for him those activities that the cat. adequate to his temperament-m quality-m.

More rare crises mismatch-I temper-in: \rhythms SEX-th act-ti; \rhythms of sleep and wakefulness; \appetite; \ work; They are overcome by behavioral training.

7. Group of psychological functions of the family; psychotherapeutic function, sexual-erotic function

Y-hoterap-i f-i family:- overcoming stress in the family, difficult well. situations both personally and helping others. When this function is violated, complaints arise that Ch. in the family does not feel calm, no one can be trusted. This f-yu provides in / nye maintenance with / evaluation. It is necessary that out of the total number of references to others (interactions), the proportion of positive references would be significantly higher than critical references. This f-she has in / naya support of the spouses.

sex-erotic f-i: goal: to create stable emotional ties between spouses while simultaneously satisfying physiological sex needs. Ch-ku, unlike the animal, breeds year-round. Sexual desire is continuous: from maturation to extinction in old age.

Freud's stages of psychosexual development: 1) oral (0-1) - erogenous zone of the mouth 2) anal (1-3) - anus 3) falistic (3-6-7) - phallus. The first erections arose, the oedipal crisis 5-6 years, 4) Latent phase (7-8 - 11-12) - fixing the stereotypes of sex-role behavior (according to Isaev-Kogan) 5) Romantic libido (11-12 - 13-14) - menstruation, spermatogenesis. Falling in love with a real representative of the other sex. In girls of 12 years old, the 2nd fall in love with their father. Children learn to reproduce aesthetically the object of love. All same-sex companies are breaking up. M and F begin to be friends, having lost the rituals of courting me, they begin to take care of their appearance, write poems and love notes. The girls have an interest in ladies' novels. There are pathologies: falling in love with an artist, ending at 13-14 years old, and virgins. Falling in love with real.M. 6) Erotic phase (14-16) - to all experiences, a physiological attraction and readiness for sexual intercourse, dates, first love were added. 7) The SEX stage (from the age of 18) joins the need to have sexual relations. Implementation of a single expert in SEX relations. Last until you meet your future marriage partner.

Spouses in the premarital period go through joint sexual development, modeling all previous stages of psychosexual development, except for early childhood, starting with the oedipal crisis. Sek.f-I normally spouses should belong to the same stage of development of libido. If someone is lagging behind in the premarital and in the adaptive mating period, then the one who is ahead stimulates the other and the physiol-and there is a period of "youthful hypersexuality" for this (18-19 - 27).

Problems of the sexual-erotic function: 1) differences in the levels of SEXa needs 2) Insufficient sexual reactivity 3) violation of the acceptability range 4) insufficient brightness of the orgasm experience (anorgasmia, frigidity).

In cons-ii, this is overcome with the help of exercises to increase emotional cohesion in a couple, with the help of sex therapy, to simulate in a couple its premarital period of time (at the same time, it is possible to determine where, who, when problems arose, what needs to be -th).

8. Group of microsocial functions of the family; communicative function, educational function and abnormal parenting styles, primary social control

Communicative function families. The following components of this function can be named: the mediation of the family in the contact of its members with the media (television, radio, periodicals), with literature and art; the influence of the family on the diverse connections of its members with the natural environment and on the nature of its perception; organization of intra-family association.

Function of primary social control- Ensuring the fulfillment of social norms of family members, especially by those who, due to various circumstances, are not able to build their behavior in accordance with the social. norms. The sphere of primary social control is the moral regulation of the behavior of family members in different areas of women's activities, as well as the regulation of responsibility and obligations in relation to spouses, relatives and children, representatives of the older and middle generations; social status - providing a certain social. family member status, reproduction of social structure. Each person born in the family receives as a heritage certain statuses close to the status of his family members: nationality, place in urban/rural culture, etc.

Bring up family: to pass on to the next generation the culture of that society, in the cat. the family and the common human culture live. Osushch-Xia kind-mi. At the request of the genus m. per-Xia other members. families. Osushch-Xia with per-yes ber-ti. Vyd-t perinatal Y and perinotal education. Main fur-we- this is a joint game, a joint activity of a child with the environment: \ fur imitation; \ fur-m identifi; \meh-m learning, reb-to learning-Xia rod-mi is purposeful but to\l business; \ cohabitation reb-m and vzr-mi dramatic th, crisis sit-i, in a cat. he must solve for himself the problem of meaning (according to Leontiev). To each reb-ka c-but the predominance of def-x fur-in educate-I: early childhood up to 3 years old - imitation and joint play; from 3 to 7 years - identification and learning; from 7 to 11 years old - learning and joint activities; from 12-13 onwards, all the fur-we bring up, but the predominance of joint activities.

For the resurrection of a child, the full composition of the family is normally required. Reb-to d. pass play-e in d / s.

Anomalous playback styles in rods: a) authoritarian-dominant b) hyper-custody with hyper-protection (the satisfaction of all the needs of the child, the “idol of the family”) c) hypo-custody (“Cinderella” -> inferiority complex) ka -> depression, protest, deviance; -e of the parent) g) preference in the child for female quality -> infantilism in the child h) preference for adult quality in the child -> feeling of the answer in the child in front of the family, emotions th reject i) meh-we project the kind on the child of our frustrated needs, or vice versa successful deeds -> the kind does not study the child’s real abilities and hinder t its self-real.

1. Communicative function.

The need for communication has evolved as much as the human species exists. Without a community, h-k cannot exist. There are more talkative or silent families. Install the minimum level of communication, cat. necessary for a couple to ensure comfort and a sense of dissatisfaction with this function. Complaints: we hardly talk, she is silent all evening. Overcoming the mismatch of spouses in communication is solved by searching for mutually interesting topics in communication. This can be done in technology in expectation comparisons. Communication in the family supports the emotional state and vice versa in families where there is little communication with the so-called. member families, all members family mood level is lower.

In the field of communication, an aspect stood out - this is a communication strategy for m / y spouses. 5 basic strategies, cat. highlighted in the Thomas test:

2. Bring up f-I.

Its goal is the next generation of the culture of that society, in the cat. family lives. Carried out kind. It also occurs in pregnancy. A new direction is prinotal psychology, i.e. prenatal. It has been established that the fetus continuously interacts with the mother, hears a voice, reacts to intonation, facial expressions like that of the mother, closing herself from a strong cry and vice versa, if the mother is in a good mood, etc. the child is in joy throughout the pregnancy; as a result, children develop against the background of chronic stress of birth with neuropathy and vice versa, if against the background of a good mood of the mother with stable NS. The communication of the child's father with the child is stroking, raging. During the taking, it is necessary to prepare its corner, the crib, the purchase of a dowry for the child. The upbringing began mainly from the birth of a child. The main mechanisms of r-ka: a joint game, joint activities of r-ka with others, the mechanism of imitation or imitation, the mechanism of identification or identification, fur-m for teachings (r-to having learned by the rod-lem purposefully any business) , fur-zm living together r-com and adults in a dramatic crisis situation, in a cat. r-k must solve for himself the problem of meaning.

Each age is characterized by the predominance of certain mechs of education: up to 3 years - imitation of imitation and conscientious play; from 3-7 - identification and learning from 7-11 - mech-gp for exercises and joint activities; from 12-13 onwards - all the fur-we will bring up, but the fur-gp of joint activities predominates. For the upbringing of a district, the full composition of the family is necessary: ​​both genera, at least one of the progenitors, in addition to this, the district must experience upbringing in a kindergarten in order to gain experience of future interaction with teachers and classmates. Without this experience, you will become unprepared for social adaptation at school, although you may have a good intellect.

3. Abnormal parenting styles.

s Emotional rejection of r-ka (varies from mother's refusal from r-ka to non-acceptance by r-mi of individual traits of har-ra r-ka or some external qualities in r-ka. Almost all cases of emotional rejection of genus of their children is a consequence of the similar emotional rejection they suffered from their own families in their childhood and adolescence.

s Hyper-custody with hyper-protection (upbringing according to the “Family Idol” type).

s Hypoprotection with hypoprotection (upbringing like "Cinderella").

s Preference in the region of children's qualities (phobia of growing up of the region).

s Preference in the r-ke of adult qualities (hypre-socializing upbringing).

4. Primary social control.

Formir-e family of moral and social norms of behavior and control over their implementation r-ka. Implementation through the norms and rules developed in the family, through the “family constitution”: the family supports pro-social types of activities and selectively condemns behavior that is contrary to ethical standards. This function is carried out by more and more senior members. families. But traditionally Russian families are historically characterized by the implementation of this function mainly by men. Hence, the consequence of the lack of male education in the family (absence of a father, his alcoholism), is a significantly more frequent antisocial behavior of the r-ka, who brings up in these conditions.

9. Group of macrosocial functions of the family; educational and economic functions

Concerning economic and consumer f-ii of the family, then it covers such aspects of family relations as maintaining a house. households, a single budget. Among the various aspects of this function, one can single out the problem of "family power" and the socialization of the child in his preparation for a future independent life.

The trend towards equality in the family is inherently positive. At the same time, the bias towards the feminization of family management due to the increased economic independence of women, her decisive role in the upbringing of children leads to a violation of psychological comfort.

The family as the primary cell is the educational cradle of humanity. The family mainly brings up children. In the family, the child receives the first labor skills. He develops the ability to appreciate and respect the work of people, there he gains experience in caring for parents, relatives and friends, learns how to rationally consume various material goods, and accumulates experience in dealing with money.

The best example is that of parents. In most cases, children are a reflection of their parents. Of course, the educational function does not end there. You can also talk about self-education in the family.

If we talk about a child, then in the family he receives his first labor skills: he is engaged in self-service, provides help around the house, gains experience in caring for parents, brothers and sisters, and most importantly, learns to rationally consume material and spiritual wealth.

The effectiveness of family education depends, on the one hand, on the socio-economic potential of the family, on the other hand, on the moral and psychological climate.

The family influences the whole life of a person, but its most significant role is at the very beginning of the life path, when the moral, psychological, emotional foundations of the personality are laid. Like no other social group, the family has a huge range of educational influence. This is a particularly trusting moral and emotional atmosphere between its members, a clear example of parents in the performance of social and family duties, joint work, conversations with children on topics of interest to them, finally, the authority of parents in solving a number of complex and important problems for a child and adolescent, etc. d.

The family most easily and most effectively implements an individual approach to a person, notices miscalculations in educational activities in time, actively stimulates positive qualities that appear (sometimes very early) and fights negative character traits. Moreover, if we take into account that the first years of a child’s life account for a number of important “sensitive peaks” of development (emotions, cognitive activity, character), then the importance of family education turns out to be an almost indispensable component among other social institutions. That is why, by missing the opportunity to influence the child in the preschool years, the family often loses them altogether.

Of course, every family, every adult has their own forms and their own limits of work with children. This depends not only on the economic basis of the family, the education and general culture of its members, and not even always on the pedagogical abilities of one or another parent (they can also be aimed at educating hypocritical and selfish qualities). These opportunities are determined by the totality of spiritual and moral, personal traits of each of the spouses and family members, its moral and psychological atmosphere.

True authority is won not just by didactic edifications (as they try to do in the family, and especially at school), but by their way of life, behavior. Usually such authority is not subject to any inflation. The authority of strength, dependence, fear easily turns into its opposite, as soon as it loses its props. For example, a teenager has physical strength, and parents are no longer able to punish him. Or: a young man himself, by any means, sometimes dishonest, begins to earn money, and his parents cannot, as before with their handouts, make him “respect” himself, listen to their opinion. The problem of moral intra-family authority is very important and relevant, since its solution goes far beyond the family and school.

Real upbringing in the family is a lot of work: both physical, when the mother takes care of the baby, and mental, when it comes to his spiritual development. Unfortunately, this requirement is not properly recognized by society (upbringing is not sufficiently stimulated materially, and the moral and social value of the work of a mother-educator is not equated either in public opinion or in labor legislation with professional work), and by the family itself, which often educates (sometimes not bad) only by its “being”.

1. Educational function: support for a certain social level of the family (in education, professions) achieved by previous generations: a family of “good workers”, “intellectuals”. Others are guided by this appearance of the family when assessing whether it is worth maintaining relations with it, good or bad grooms and brides from this family. On this basis, the prestige of the family is formed. Families have a hard time when they fail to maintain the social level achieved by previous generations: to get a lower standard and less qualified work by their families or their children.

Families are able to recognize this type of crisis and complain about it. Having overcome the crisis with psychotherapeutic methods of accepting oneself and other members. family and methods of maintaining self-esteem.

2. Economic f-I.

Implemented by adult grandparents and parents, as well as working children who have not yet separated into their own family. In the systemic crisis of society currently experienced by Russia, most families are experiencing difficulties in material support. Families complain about the lack of money, claims against each other for the "incorrect" distribution of income. These complaints are not psychotherapeutic and should be rejected by the consultant as a complaint! To overcome this complaint, the psychotherapist can conduct a class with the family or entrust D / z - training, drawing up a family budget, a plan for material expenses for the next month, quarter, year. A universal method for overcoming non-psychotherapeutic complaints is the methods of mutually raising self-esteem of others.

10. Family subsystems and roles, child-parent and child-child relationships

Distribution of roles in the family: To understand the family as a social institution, the analysis of role relations in the family is of great importance. The family role is one of the types of Ch's social roles in society. Family roles are determined by the place and functions of the individual in the family group and are subdivided primarily into marital (wife, husband), parental (mother, father), children (son, daughter, brother, sister), intergenerational and intragenerational (grandfather, grandmother, elder , junior), etc. The fulfillment of a family role depends on the fulfillment of a number of conditions, on the correct formation of a role image. An individual must clearly understand what it means to be a husband or wife, the eldest in the family or the youngest, what behavior is expected from him, what rules, norms are expected from him, what rules, norms this or that behavior dictates to him. In order to formulate the image of his behavior, the individual must accurately determine his place and the place of others in the role structure of the family.

Role relationships in the family, formed in the performance of certain functions, may be characterized by role agreement or role conflict. Role conflict manifests itself as: a) conflict of role patterns, which is associated with their incorrect formation in one or more family members; b) inter-role conflict, in which the contradiction lies in the opposition of role expectations emanating from different roles. Such conflicts are often observed in multigenerational families, where spouses of the second generation are both children and parents at the same time and must accordingly combine opposite roles; in) intra-role conflict, in which one role includes conflicting requirements. In a modern family, such problems are most often inherent in the female role. This applies to cases where the role of a woman involves a combination of the traditional female role in the family (housewife, educator of children, etc.) with a modern role that implies equal participation of spouses in providing the family with material resources.

A family role is a set of stereotypes of behavior, with the help of a cat.

1st approach: family roles as socio-psychological roles in a small group (leader, idea generator, communicator, psychotherapist).

2 approach: assessment of roles with t.z. provoking crises in the family or vice versa overcoming them. Eric Berne - roles in the "pathological triangle": persecutor, victim, rescuer.

Another typology of roles is the pathological and pathological role. A pathological role is an anomalous effect on another member. families in this pair, and the pathological role is the anomalous role that the other member families in a dyad accepts under the influence of a pathological role. In a pair of these roles, both of them complement each other and one cannot exist without the other.

3rd approach: this typology of roles refers to the performance of specific functions of the family (household function - cook, breadwinner, repair worker, laundress, etc.).

4th approach: by age and generation, by gender:

In general, in counseling, each role is found to have its own subpersonality, and in this regard, in relation to the roles in the family, Gestalt therapy techniques can be applied: turn to subpersonalities, as if it were an independent, independent from another personality, with its own motives, meanings of life , behavioral skills, appearance. An example of how D / z: compare your appearance in 2 polar subpersonalities "I am a woman", "I am a man."

Parent-child relations are one of the manifestations of the history and culture of the nation. It is possible to single out several cultural-historical types of relations between the family and children. Authoritarian attitude- Parents seek to control their children, and children strive for autonomy. But there are cultures, cat conflicts on this basis do not exist (the culture of the natives of the Central countries of Africa and Australia, Japanese culture, Jewish culture).

In Russia, from the middle of the 20th century, a different type of parent-child relationship began to form, associated with a change in the family model and with the democratization of society developing within the social system: the predominance of attitudes towards children as equal individuals in the family, attention to their needs.

In the family, parent-child relationships change depending on age and one of the typical mistakes of parenthood, which entails infantilism in children, is an attempt to preserve earlier types of relationships with children at a time when a later stage of their development has already begun. .

Correction of parent-children relations. Diagnosis of anomalous and other features of relations that impede the development of personality r-ka. Training of successful efficiency in the education of the childbirth function (training of parental competence).

11. Stages and crises of family development before the child enters school: characteristics and socio-pedagogical assistance

It starts with the birth of the first child. The main task of the development of a young family with a child is the reorganization of the family to solve new problems. The family must reconsider their relationship and existing rules, taking into account the interests of the child. Parents are only human, they do not automatically become educators the moment their child is born. The sensitivity of parents to the needs and conditions of the child and caring treatment contribute to the formation of a sense of trust in other people. Children who have experienced the care and attention of parents in the early years of life develop better. Over time, parents establish interpersonal boundaries to ensure the safety of the child and parental authority, while not forgetting the need to promote the growth of the child.

The dangers of this period are a forced break in the professional development of one and an increased financial burden on the other. An important and dangerous moment during this period is a chronic lack of strength, time for their personal and marital needs among young parents: for rest, for hobbies, for friends, for romantic relationships with each other, and just for physical sleep.

3. A young family with small children. This stage is characterized by the separation of roles related to fatherhood and motherhood, their coordination, material support for new family living conditions, adaptation to great physical and mental stress, limiting the general activity of spouses outside the family, insufficient opportunity to be alone, etc.

Sometimes a couple is not ready to have children, and the birth of an unwanted child can complicate the problems of his upbringing. In addition, people who considered their marriage a test attempt find that it will now be much more difficult for them to leave.

There are cases when the birth of a child is considered by the mother as a way to make up for the lack of love for herself. During pregnancy, the mother may be happy with the fantasy of having a being who will love her. The collapse of the dream comes after childbirth due to the need to “give” a lot to herself. Postpartum depression is sometimes seen as a reaction to the irretrievable loss of one's own childhood.

A fundamentally important feature of this stage of the family life cycle is the transition of the spouses to the beginning of the implementation of the parental function. The formation of a parental position is in many respects a turning point, a crisis process for both parents, which largely determines the fate of the development of children in the family, the nature of parent-child relationships and the development of the personality of the parent himself.

The parental role is fundamentally different from the marital one in that when forming a marital union, both partners are free to terminate marital relations and dissolve the marriage, while the parent is a “lifelong” role performed by the individual and cannot be canceled. Even in the so-called "refusal" cases, when parents renounce their right and obligation to raise a child, leaving him in a maternity hospital or orphanage, the mother and father remain responsible for their moral choice, remaining parents, even if only biological ones.

A number of important questions at this stage are related to who will care for the child. New roles of mother and father emerge; their parents become grandparents (great-grandparents). There is a kind of age shift: aging parents have to see adults in their children. For many, this is a difficult transition. What has not been worked out between the two spouses should be worked out in the presence of a third person: for example, one of the parents (most often the mother) is forced to stay at home and care for the child, while the other (mainly the father) tries to keep in touch with the outside world.

There is a narrowing of the zone of communication of the wife. The material supply falls on the husband, so he "frees" himself from caring for the child. On this basis, conflicts can arise due to the wife's overload with household chores and the husband's desire to "rest" outside the family. A rather important problem of this period may be the problem of self-realization of the mother, whose activity is limited only by the family. She may develop feelings of dissatisfaction and envy towards her husband's active life. Marriages can begin to break down as the wife's demands for childcare increase and the husband feels that his wife and child are interfering with his work and career.

With regard to a young Russian family, in some of them there is a need to separate from the older generation (exchange or rent an apartment, etc.), in others, on the contrary, all worries are transferred to grandparents (newlyweds, as it were, do not become parents).

When the child is older, the mother can return to work. In this regard, a new problem arises: what to do with the child - look for a nanny or send him to a preschool institution.

Single mothers face special problems - children begin to ask a question about their father. In addition, in all families, the problem of the unity of requirements for the child and control of his behavior may appear: the grandmother indulges, the mother indulges in everything, and the father sets too many rules and prohibitions; the child feels it and manipulates them. Along with this, the family raises the issue of preparing the child for school, and the choice of the appropriate educational institution can also lead to disagreements between adult family members.

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