I am very shy and insecure. I am very shy and insecure

It is better to start solving the problem with analysis. Therefore, do not be too lazy to remember and write down all the situations in which you feel embarrassed. Be extremely specific. Instead of “talking to people,” indicate which people you are talking about: strangers, members of the opposite sex, or people in power.

When you break down a problem into parts, it already seems more solvable.

Then try to arrange the recorded situations in order of increasing anxiety (probably calling a stranger causes less anxiety than speaking in front of an audience).

In the future, this list can be used as a plan to combat shyness. Starting small, you will overcome more and more difficult situations for you. And with each new victory, the feeling of confidence will grow, and shyness, respectively, will decrease.

2. Fix your strengths

Another list to help you fight shyness should be about your positive qualities. As a rule, the cause of shyness is in. Fight it mercilessly, reminding yourself of your own splendor (this is not a joke).

Try to find the flip side even of the shortcomings. It may be difficult for you to conduct a long monologue, but you are an excellent listener. This communication skill can and should be used as well.

3. Decide on a goal

Any action becomes much more effective when it is purposeful. It is clear that constant embarrassment interferes with life, but you need to explain to yourself what exactly it prevents you from doing. It is possible that the formulated goal will become an impetus for overcoming the old problem.

Even though I perform, write and host radio shows, I am an introvert at heart. But as the head of the company, I had to talk about our products and services. It required me to get out of my shell and take the message to the world. I overcame my shyness by realizing that only I can ensure that my message is delivered correctly. After realizing this fact, I took steps to make it easier for myself to speak in public and meet new people.

Eric Holtzclaw

4. Practice

Skills need to be honed, and those that interfere with life should be systematically eradicated. All this applies to sociability and shyness. Here are some ideas that you can use as a kind of workout.

Reprogram yourself. Imagine that your shyness is a program in the brain that runs in response to certain situations, and you, as a computer user, have the power to influence this process. Try to go from the opposite and do the opposite of what you are used to. Do you want to hide in a corner at a party? Go to the thick of things. Have you caught yourself thinking that in a conversation you are taking a position of deaf defense? Try asking the interviewee a few questions.
Talk to strangers. Try to talk at least once a day with one stranger (preferably with a random passer-by). You will most likely never see him again, so feel free to hone your communication skills on him.
In general, communicate more. Try to use every opportunity to make contact with people. Tell jokes, agree to speeches, say hello to those you often meet but never greet.
Warm up before an important conversation. Want to talk to a specific person at a party but are afraid to approach them? Practice on those present who cause less embarrassment. If we are talking about acquaintance, try to tell them everything that you plan to say in front of the right person. After such a rehearsal, it will be easier to speak.
And always prepare for public speaking. But don't limit yourself to just repeating the speech. Visualize your future success with the audience. This will give you confidence.

5. Focus on others

The problem with shy people is that they think too much about themselves and the impression they will make on others. Try to redirect the flow of thoughts from yourself to others. Be interested, ask, empathize. When you focus on the other person, anxiety about your own behavior fades into the background.

6. Try new things

Get out of your comfort zone. Firstly, this step will positively affect your self-esteem, and secondly, it will diversify your life. You can enroll in a sports section or art courses. Another great option is improvisation master classes. Such exercises help to liberate.

7. Watch your body language

Eye contact, correct posture, speaking loudly and clearly, as well as smiling and shaking hands firmly, inform those around you of your confidence and openness. Moreover, with these signals, you deceive your brain a little and really begin to feel more free.

8. Say “no” less often

A lot has been said about. But shy people, on the contrary, should avoid it. Their refusal (expressed both in word and action) is often dictated by fear of the unknown and an unreasonable fear of shame. If you want to stop being shy, learn to say yes to the opportunities that life presents.

10. Don't advertise your shyness

Do not focus your attention and others on the fact that you have communication problems. This is how you label yourself and subconsciously reinforce the belief that shyness is your permanent trait.

Even if others notice your embarrassment, pretend that this is an accident, talk about it lightly, and not as a serious problem. Are you starting to blush? Say that this is a feature of your body, and not a reaction to stress. And never characterize yourself in front of strangers as a shy person. Let them form their own opinion and notice other, more interesting things about you.

Know other ways to stop being shy? Tell us about them in the comments.

Many people often ask the question how to overcome self-doubt. If you can say one of these words to yourself: shyness, isolation, shyness, self-doubt, and besides, you constantly think about what people will think of you and you often worry about being around people, then your diagnosis is called the word social phobia.

Every 10th person in the world experiences a high degree of social phobia. This means that such a person feels completely calm only at home. Outside the house, he constantly experiences a feeling of excitement. Social phobes constantly live with the feeling that people around them may not like them for some reason, that people will reject them. Of course, all these thoughts are irrational. Almost no one talks about this issue. Many shy and withdrawn people do not even know what is really happening to them. This article will reveal all the secrets and secrets, and the most important thing will tell you how to overcome shyness and self-isolation once and forever. It is mainly suitable for people who have a strong degree of social phobia. Parents will learn why a child is shy and how to teach a child not to be shy. You can determine your level of social phobia in the test by clicking on this link:.

Treatment of social phobia exists and it is complex. It appeared relatively recently. It was not until the mid-1990s that effective treatments for social phobia were developed. It is also worth understanding that overcoming social phobia will most likely take more than one month, and overcoming a severe degree of social phobia can take more than a year. The process will be gradual. If you regularly perform some simple exercises developed by experienced psychologists and psychotherapists, then self-doubt and fear in social situations will disappear forever. The list of exercises will be presented in the second part of the article.

About why you are often worried and shy.
A person gets worried when he sees some kind of danger. For a sociophobe, the danger lies in the fact that he thinks that people will not like him, that the people around him will reject him, that he will be uninteresting to people, that he will look stupid, that he will say something stupid. The sociophobe is afraid of condemnation from the outside, and he is also afraid that people will notice his excitement. Some automatic negative thoughts cause others and from this the excitement becomes even greater. It turns out such a vicious circle of social phobia. It is he who needs to start breaking somewhere and try to get rid of self-doubt.

As a rule, many people suffering from social phobia worry and experience discomfort in many social contacts related to communication and being among people. There are also private situations, for example, the fear of speaking in front of an audience, the fear of using a public toilet, the fear of eating and drinking in the presence of people, the fear of being outside when people are looking at you, etc. All these situations have one thing in common - the fear of condemnation from the outside. What if I don't like it? what if they think badly of me?

If you are reading this article, then most likely you notice something similar in yourself. Such mental disorders are explained by the fact that your beliefs, way of thinking and vision of yourself in society are distorted. You look at yourself, at people, at the whole World and at your future in a distorted and too negative way. Your depression and self-doubt comes from low self-esteem and a pessimistic way of thinking. And, your parents or other people with whom you were in contact as a child most likely contributed to low self-esteem. They criticized your personality too often. You should not blame anyone and you should not delve into your past either. It is pointless. The reasons for the appearance of shyness are completely unimportant. What matters is how to overcome shyness.

Cognitive behavioral therapy will help in getting rid of social phobia. What is important is not so much what is happening around you, but how you evaluate what is happening. It is your thoughts that underlie your emotional experiences, not the actions of other people. These thoughts are very poorly understood, and sometimes even completely denied. Try to become deeply aware of all your automatic negative thoughts that come to you and counter them with positive ones. After realizing your irrational thoughts, it is important to start acting differently, having developed new and correct stereotypes of behavior. Not like before. This is the essence of the method of cognitive behavioral therapy. Experienced psychotherapists can help you deal with your thoughts and relieve you of social phobia.

Let's consider such an example. The girl is worried because of the redness of her cheeks. Oh, my cheeks often turn red, and, probably, everyone who sees my red cheeks will think that I'm a fool. Is it really? Firstly, many simply do not notice it. Secondly, if someone notices, he will not think badly. Thirdly, any guy will definitely like it if he communicates with a girl whose cheeks are reddened. After all, it was precisely because of him that they blushed at her. He will be proud of himself. And, fourthly, the cheeks may not blush at all, and the girl will simply think that her cheeks have reddened. As we can see, worries and fears about this are absolutely in vain. No one but the girl herself cares about her red cheeks. Therefore, such a girl needs to allow herself to blush. It's worth just accepting it. By accepting this, the redness may even go away for good. In a similar way, you can disassemble any anxious situation in which you experience shyness and stiffness. By understanding yourself and your negative irrational thoughts, it will be easier for you to learn how to get rid of shyness.

You are who you believe in yourself! You can be anyone! If you believe that you are uninteresting, then you will be uninteresting. If you believe that you are interesting, then you will be interesting. If you think you are insecure, then you will be insecure. And if you start thinking that you are confident, you will become confident. It actually works.

Please note that only a psychotherapist can prescribe pills and medicines for social phobia. And they are usually prescribed only in very difficult situations.

And yet, let's find out some tips on how to overcome social phobia, tightness, stiffness and how to get rid of shyness forever. Here are some actionable tips.

Do something that's a little scary
Start noticing all those moments when excitement and automatic negative thoughts come.

Stop remembering your negative past and your failures
Simulate self-confidence
Practice slow speech
Let yourself worry
Stop comparing yourself to others and accept yourself for who you are.
smile more often
Attend group training sessions to increase self-confidence
think well of yourself
Temporarily accept your shyness and anxiety
Let people think bad of you
Change your place of residence

If the child is shy
This paragraph will be useful to all parents as well as to all those who in one way or another are in contact with shy children. The child may be shy at school to answer in class, communicate with classmates, or even just talk. A shy child has too low self-esteem. Shyness in children This is a serious reason for parents to think about their behavior! Why is the child shy? This is most likely the fault of his parents. Parents too often criticized the personality of the child and thereby lowered his self-esteem. What if the child is shy? With this question, it is better to contact a child psychologist. As a rule, children can be easily and quickly cured of shyness. But first, stop criticizing the child's personality. If he did something wrong, then you should not say "You are bad." Better say in the spirit of "Your deed is bad, but you are good." Sometimes parents themselves do not notice such phrases that are deadly for a child, such as: Fool, idiot, klutz, etc. Even if you jokingly and lovingly said the word "fool", then be sure that you have caused great harm to the mental health of the child. Most likely, you, as parents, will also need a conversation with a child psychologist. If children's shyness is severely neglected and the child has already become a teenager, then his complexes will become much stronger and more painful for him. Teenage shyness can easily develop into a severe degree of social phobia, in which the child will be afraid of all social contact with people and will sit at home around the clock.

Agoraphobia
Do not confuse social phobia with agoraphobia. AAgoraphobia is one social unrest, usually with accompanying panic attacks. Agoraphobia is the fear of being in a certain place or situation from which it will be difficult to get out or get help if needed. As a rule, agoraphobes are afraid to visit large shopping centers, be afraid to use public transport, get stuck in a traffic jam on a bridge, stand in line, attend sports events and fly in airplanes. Symptoms may include difficulty breathing, chest pain, and dizziness. A person with agoraphobia may think they are going crazy or may even be dying right now. Panic attacks can come unexpectedly. Agoraphobia affects 5% of the world's population to varying degrees.

Attention! Just by reading this clever article, you will not get rid of social phobia. For a cure, it is necessary to begin with great interest to regularly perform each of the 13 points (with the exception of the 13th, it can be done 1 time, having gone far) listed above. You have read an incredibly valuable article on social phobia, which is unparalleled in the usefulness of information on the Internet! Your happy future is in your hands! You don't have to think about anything! The main thing is to act! Do all these 13 exercises and a happy future will definitely come to you!

In this clip, a girl suffering from social phobia sings a song about how when she is at home alone, it becomes incredibly easy for her, but when she is in the presence of other people, she feels very bad. This girl has social anxiety.

To the entry "Social phobia, shyness and isolation. How to get rid of social phobia, insecurity and shyness?" 82 comments left.

All this is certainly interesting and can be effective. But it's actually very difficult to do. I judge by myself. Personally, I generally do not tolerate contact with new people and new circumstances. What kind of relocation are we talking about?

Regarding the first advice, I also can not agree. If I am afraid to speak in public (even among relatives and friends), then I will avoid it in every possible way. And it certainly won’t be easier for me if I suddenly dare. It's one thing if you really change, and quite another if you step over yourself every time ...

The girl sings in the video. Strange even. If she really has social phobia, then how did she even appear in the video?!

In any case, the article is useful. Thanks:)

To overcome social phobia, you must definitely experience some discomfort! No other way! There is no danger in communication (this is a phobia, after all), so you can safely look your fictional fear in the eye, whatever it may be. Another thing is that the exercises should not be too difficult. You can make a list of 20 situations in which your social phobia manifests itself. The 1st place will be the most difficult and exciting. The last one will be one of the easiest, but a little exciting. Start slowly moving up your list from bottom to top. Allow yourself to be afraid. Be afraid, but do it! And the worse you communicate, the better! You can even deliberately stutter, be stupid, look stupid, ask stupid things. If you have already stepped over yourself, then praise yourself. You're doing well just because you're doing what's scary! The biggest mistake you can make is to do nothing and wait for the social phobia to go away on its own (it won't go away like this)!

Hello. I am 13 years old. After the test for social phobia, it turned out 66 points. The most basic thing is that I stutter. When I start speaking in public, in front of a class, or whatever, I can't say a single word normally. After that, I immediately begin to curse myself that it would be better if I were dumb. Thus, I began to avoid any performance in front of an audience. And, social phobia developed. When you walk down the street, it feels like everyone is looking at you. Trying to hide from people. And, it seems, you keep happy thoughts in your head, optimistic, but when it comes to action, you immediately begin to get very worried. Suddenly, I will stutter again. Suddenly, I'll say something stupid. The same goes for appearance, walking in crowded places. I don't know how to get rid of it. Fear is constantly present in me. I told my parents, their answer is: “This is all nonsense. Just get it out of your head." It's easy to say... Now I work hard to avoid stuttering. Maybe then you'll have more confidence...

The article is very useful, I will try.

Hello. There is nothing wrong with stuttering. People from the outside perceive it quite adequately. Feel free to let yourself stutter. And on the streets no one cares about you at all. All people's heads are filled with their own thoughts. Well, you are unlikely to say stupid things, because judging by what you wrote at the age of 13, you are smarter than many of your peers. Thoughts are clearly stated. Everything is written without grammatical errors. There is also such a dependence: the more you think about how not to say stupidity, the more you withdraw into yourself. Just allow yourself to say stupid things and then confidence will increase. In general, everything is fine with you! Accept yourself as you are. Take a new motto for yourself: The worse, the better! As strange as it sounds, it really works.
- Hey! I am 18 years old, I am very shy when someone comes to visit us! I can not eat at the table with relatives and friends! When I was in school, I was also shy! when they ask me something unexpectedly, I am very shy! like a shock to me! even now I'm writing all this, my palms are sweaty, I'm blushing! I want to get rid of embarrassment! I have been shy since I was 14! give advice!
  - Hello) I'm Tanya and I'm also 18, a copy of that bullshit ... in fact, it would be cool to make friends))) otherwise it sometimes feels like I'm the only one - for the whole group - for the whole institute, damn it! to the whole world! my mail: [email protected] write))) people! let's all get together in one group)))
    - Because of this problem, I have almost no friends, not a single girlfriend, and of course it makes me very upset.

Of course your parents are wrong. Be sure to pay attention to the mental state of your child, otherwise everything can go very far and then it will be very difficult to help your child.

Two friends who lived opposite each other had sons. After some time, one of the boys developed speech problems associated with stuttering. The boy's parents were upset, but the grandparents reassured them, saying:

- The main thing is that the boy is healthy in body, and his stuttering can be treated.

The boys grew up as friends and, as it happens in childhood, they were sometimes naughty, for which their parents punished them. The father of a healthy child, in a fit of anger, at times blamed the stutterer, and said to his son:

- Every family has its black sheep! This stutterer is a bad influence on you. Be less friendly with him.

The guy was telling his friend about what his father says about him. And of course this upset the boy greatly. He saw and felt that others sometimes treated him negatively, with ridicule. And one day, choking with resentment and indignation, he asked his mother with tears in his eyes:

“Mom, why am I so flawed? Everyone says I'm dumb, my tongue is tangled. Also, our family has its black sheep. And it's a freak, me!

And mother, furtively wiping her tears, reassured him and said:

- No, son. You are very, very smart! Your thoughts are so fast that your tongue just can't keep up with them. Therefore, do not pay attention to ridicule. Everyone who teases you is just jealous of you, knowing that when you grow up, you will become the best of them, the richest and most famous.

And my mother decided from the day when her son succeeded and he made progress, to cheer him up and say the phrase: “The family is not without talent.” Both father and grandparents supported this initiative. The guy believed the words of his relatives and this helped him to resist the ridicule and hostility of others. Years passed, and he really became the best among everyone in the district and the richest, as his mother told him. And on his desktop in the office, there was a photograph of the whole family with the inscription "My talented family."

I have 77 points in the test and it seems to me that this is not enough. In fact, it should be more because I am just a rag and a complete mess. I had a time when I lived in complete depression for 10 years and now I am reaping the benefits. I have constant fears, I feel constantly guilty, bad thoughts come into my head \ especially when the weather changes \, a complete lack of willpower and a complete unwillingness to communicate with anyone. I live alone and only at home I feel comfortable, but I want to live like all normal people. But it seems to me that I have not only social phobia but also agoraphobia all this for a long time and seriously. But I really liked your article and I will try to fight with myself. embarrassing and ashamed. And instead of putting the seller in his place, I start sawing myself. But it’s my nerves that are to blame, I just don’t have them. And the article is very good. Thank you.

Hello! I probably have a neglected and severe case! The test revealed a very severe social phobia! The article is of course useful, but only for those who have it light or moderate! For example, I am terribly afraid to speak in front of any audience, I am very worried in a group of people I know, unfamiliar to me, with the exception of my parents, well, people I have known for a long time, even on a march. taxi finds excitement if people look at me! In short, I am very worried, shy, afraid when I am in the spotlight, and blush at the same time !!! This phobia does not allow you to live calmly and normally ((Accordingly, it is not self-confidence, depression, loneliness from the lack of friends, and all this has been tormenting me for as long as I can remember (((So one article is not enough. Here's what to do? I already think I can apply to the doctor

I have almost everything the same, except I probably don’t worry in public places and I don’t have good friends either, at work, as a rule, the team does not accept me, which gnaws at me very much.

Ekaterina, this method will help to cope with shyness of any degree. Some require a little time and effort, others more. Perhaps you belong to the latter. But the regular exercises described in this article just work wonders!

I blush all the time... even my eyes turn red... once, answering at the blackboard, it was still at school, the teacher attacked me with the words: are you feeling bad?! you cry??? and I wasn’t going to cry, and I didn’t feel bad, I just apparently blushed SO MUCH coolly ... without knowing it myself, by the way ... (((

I read the article at the link from Julia. I won’t say that this is nonsense, but it is unlikely that this will be possible for a person who is really shy, withdrawn, etc. I would not even go anywhere with a pacifier in my mouth for money (for example). Do something scary? Not a solution, in my opinion. Personally, for example, I can’t even buy underwear for myself. You always have to set yourself up and force yourself to step over yourself. And something doesn’t get any easier, even though I do something that’s scary. So... It's really annoying... It's annoying to be like this... And life goes on...

If these exercises are difficult, then you can come up with something easier. For example, stand at a well-known monument in the city and ask people where this monument is located. All you need to do is do something that is a little scary.

Hello! My name is Yaroslav. I am 16 years old. After the test for social phobia, I got 56 points. I am shy, go to the store, walk with a girl (I immediately lose my gift of speech, and almost all the time I have nothing to say), I'm afraid to talk on the phone (before the call, I have a lot of thoughts about what to talk about, but as soon as the girl answers , I forget about everything I wanted to say.Your site even helped me a little!

Try not to think in advance about what will happen if, etc. And every time break yourself do what is scary. over time it should pass. I have passed.

The same situation. I'm trying to fight my social phobia, but so far without success. Sometimes it becomes easier, it seems that everything passes, until I catch myself thinking that again I am not like that, I speak wrong, I walk wrong, as if it were a mistake of nature! Even the reason is difficult to understand, just a feeling that the whole world is against you, you want to close, hide. I know it's stupid but I can't do anything

I feel like a lone psycho!

And I’m already 32 years old soon, and I’m scared to go out with a child, sit with other mothers, when I think that they will start criticizing me or the child, and I won’t be able to answer anything, it becomes so creepy, and if I answer I will worry and think she looked like a brawler. Sometimes I still overpower myself and go out for a while, but I sit in fear and with thoughts that I look stupid or say something wrong. I perceive sharply any criticism, although I am silent, but inside everything turns over and it seems to me that everyone notices it. Previously, she communicated normally, then she went to work, she began to go out less and less, and now, in horror, she stated in herself this disease - social phobia. Even with old friends I’m now afraid to meet, all the same thoughts attack - suddenly I will look and say something wrong ... Although at work I communicate with whom I need without fear - with acquaintances and strangers (I am a designer). I don't know how to live with this!

Hello, my name is Sasha, I'm 16, I have a severe problem when communicating in companies of people and with girls. As soon as I find myself in the above situations, I begin to be very shy and stupid. More than two words in sentences can’t be said at all, not to mention normal communication

What a great article!

Here one ill-wisher, leaving the team, slandered me. While he is a highly motivated psychopath, striving for power, with developed cognitive and psychological skills, inspiring fear - people are very succumbed to his influence. Now he is gone. Only his "shadow" remained. Including inside. You can say his shadow somewhere superimposed on my own shadow. With your article, simple, understandable and concise but complete - life will be better) Before that, I bought audio courses on getting rid of psychological glitches and other improvements ... good (!) But this article of yours is (!) A fresh look (!) Seriously promising life.

Hello, I have such a problem, I am very shy to go on the board, I am 15 years old, please help me, I am already exhausted every time, I am very shy and my friends also say

Damn, I have a severe form of social phobia. I can't walk the streets, ride buses, eat in front of people. In general, I can’t talk to people - I stutter all the time. What to do? Help people. I'm only 18 years old - but already such a diagnosis. And it all started at the age of 17

I can't speak in public at all, in front of audiences, etc.

Good day to all! I have an average social phobia (Unfortunately, it's nice that there are many such people (In fact, I also thought that I was the only one - it's very difficult. I constantly think about my actions: who will think what, who will say what ... So many things I want to in life, but this fear fetters and does not allow me to move. For example, when they watch my actions, my hands even begin to shake. As a child, I lived in an orphanage for 7 years, perhaps this is due to this. The most terrible fear is when it seems that they see your excitement (fear), you start to worry even more. Guys, I understand you all, I think we need to unite and help each other. Admins, THANK YOU for the article) You help people)

I gradually began to become open (probably because all my surroundings always support me), every year, month I make some new progress, for example, I send any pitching in FIG, I am the main positive of the class :), but I still don’t get to know the girls it turns out ((I hope over time this stigma that ruined my teenage life will lag behind me :(

Here they say thank you for the article, and I would say thank you for the comments too. It turns out there are worse situations than mine. My level of social phobia is 57.

The first thing that comes to mind when you think about what to do with this problem is “overcome fears”. But I thought, nooo, this is too scary for me, I need to look for some other methods. In other words, trying to find a roundabout way. I dug up a lot of techniques on the Internet that I tried for many years, but which did not give any tangible results.

Now I understand that such things can only serve as auxiliary means, and overcoming fears in ascending order is the most important thing to do.

81 points and this is a severe social phobia (((By the way, this is the first time I leave a comment on an article on the Internet. I was always afraid to leave comments. It always seemed that my opinion was either not interesting to anyone, or having expressed my opinion about something (anywhere, and in life and on the Internet) will look stupid or strange.

P.S. Thanks for the article and test.

I am 28 years old and I am afraid of people. Passing by the company, constant fears that I won’t suit them with something and we will get a fight. Although I have a large build.

I don’t want to teach others here as a teacher, but I want to advise, because it bothered me myself, I understand why you, in short, here’s the advice itself, especially for guys, go sign up for training, not in a rocking chair, but in boxing, combat sambo and the like, almost everything is there these problems will disappear for you, walk for a long time, there you will experience failure many times and then you will not be afraid of failures or look awkward, you will be the center of attention during sparring, then you will not be worried about this attention, and you will become more confident , and there you will slowly begin to communicate, and then in everyday life you will generally feel calm. Confident people do not mean that he is never shy, there are moments in which confident people are shy too, so it is impossible to completely get rid of it. Note that children who have been going to training since childhood, they almost never have such problems at all, they become self-confident, so after training you will become different. And if there is a confident person who inspires you, keep him in mind, imagine how he would act in this situation, and do the same. The main thing is not to be afraid and sign up for the first time it will be uncomfortable, but it’s not terrible, you don’t have to feel sorry for yourself, nothing will happen to you

My test score is 102. This is probably close to the truth. I am 18 years old. I feel comfortable only in complete solitude. Even at school, I realized that I was terribly afraid of public speaking, and over the past few years, the fear has only intensified (although I often had to make reports at lessons, competitions, etc.). When I am in the company of classmates, I feel a strong anxiety. I can hardly resist so as not to run away in tears from the sales assistant in the store. Traveling by public transport, and just walking along a crowded street, is a real torture for me. Even at home, I feel discomfort if someone close is in the same room with me.

I have been trying to get rid of social phobia for the fifth year, but to no avail - it seems that it is only getting worse. Of the methods described in the article, I tried everything except moving - it is impossible due to objective reasons. The only thing that helps me in any way is to immerse myself in my studies or my hobbies. I think that I won’t be able to get rid of social phobia, but I can “forget” about it.

I have severe social phobia. I have lived with this for as long as I know myself. Unbearable. Especially there are periods of exacerbation, when, as if by a wave, it covers from one's own fears. I am insecure, afraid of judgment, what they think of me. Periods of unemployment are delayed for six months or a year. Because looking for a job and calling on ads, and then getting used to the team is a living hell for me. At school, everyone and sundry mocked me, laughed at my appearance, clothes, tightness, there was no one to intercede, at home my parents were not up to me, they drank, lack of money. I grew up all nervous and downtrodden. Gradually, over the course of 10 years, I shake off this “shell” from myself, but the changes are almost imperceptible, in my soul I am still the same notorious girl. To whom to tell - they will not believe. It became a little easier to find out that I’m not the only one who suffers like this, I’m afraid to eat in front of people, talk on the phone and with strangers, and that almost every sociophobe complains about stuttering, I can’t imagine how it attached to me, it already started when I grew up. It is incredibly hard to fight with yourself, only the same “sufferer” will understand it, those around you, even those close to you and those who know about the problem, will never fully understand the full severity of this disease. I wish all sociophobes to recover from this abomination! And I will try my best!

I am 21, passed the test, the number of points is 76 and I think that this is true, in some cases everything goes well in life, but in others (almost always) everything is simply unbearable, I start to cut myself without leaving home, disgusting thoughts come up , stiffness, anger ... It is especially difficult for me to get a job when, for example, you leave the old one ... a new team and all that ... There are arrogant and soulless people around, so what, to become the same? .. well, I I try, I have to get used to it somehow. I'm a loner in life, I have practically no friends, at least I'm used to it ... It is consoling that I'm far from the only one ...

I passed the test and the result even scared me ... "54 (fear) + 48 (avoidance) = 102 You have a very severe social phobia."

I don’t know what to do ... The article is well written, but it’s too difficult to do everything that is written there ...

Hello, I'm 16, I wanted to take a test for social phobia, but the link is broken ... I have been suffering from shyness and isolation for a long time, although my parents say that this was not the case in childhood. Diagnoses like everyone else - I'm afraid of what they will think of me, I start to get worried when talking, and it often happens that words are spun, thus, I look very stupid-__- And before, even walking down the street, I thought that people might think of me , thoughts were carried away farther and farther, and acquired a very dark shade, my legs ceased to obey, and it seemed that I was about to stumble. Now this happens sometimes, but less often ...

I have social phobia, a high degree (and I know without a test). From my observations, this ailment also has physical manifestations: muscle clamp (especially when someone follows you), watery eyes (especially in situations where a person is walking towards you on a narrow bridge or along a corridor), I blush if " blurted out something wrong, ”sometimes she takes her breath away. Social phobia is very difficult to live. I can’t just ask in line (polyclinic, tax office, bank, etc.) “Who is the last one?” I don’t congratulate relatives on holidays - I’m afraid (of calls in particular). During a forced sortie "to people" it seems to me that everyone is making fun of me, everyone is just looking at my walk and clothes. I understand that these are irrational thoughts, but I can not cope with them. You have to go through this hell to heal. The article is good, quite specific, not burdened with a monolith of psychological theory. I advise all sociophobes (including myself) to start acting, I understand that it is difficult, but overpower yourself! Get inspired by some idea! Remember, you are not the only one and no worse than others :)

I read your article. like a year ago I read the same thing) passed the test 74 points, I have social phobia and I don’t know how to deal with it. now the martyr with our mutual friends went to the club to see them on the other, and I got dressed, put on makeup, went out to the martyr and ... for about 15 minutes we stood at the entrance, my knees began to shake and I didn’t go anywhere. this is normal? I am very afraid to speak in front of the public, to answer at the institute (for the last half a year I began to struggle with this) and finally I answer a little bit, but still there is progress, I thought so. and today I could not go to the club with my friends. I am also very shy of those with whom I have known for a long time, those with whom I study, etc. if I see a person 1.2 times, then I feel confident, I speak well, and the same with the working staff (waiters, sellers, consultants ) strangers on the street. help me!(((

I have problems in communicating with people since school, but I can’t remember what caused it. But when I was 10 years old, I myself began to realize that my behavior at school was non-standard. I even tried to talk about this with my parents, but the fact is that my parents raised me the way their parents raised them. My parents believe that education is to clothe, put on shoes, feed, and send to school! And what about the moral, spiritual and social development and education ... and in general what is psychology and communication with a child - My parents do not even know the spirit !!! And really, can you imagine, in my life I don’t even remember that my parents ever seriously talked to me or, well, at least once supported me in something!? - NO! Even when I asked to be taken to a musical circle for playing the guitar, all I could hear from them was “go away for a day and quit, why do you need it”! And even when I began to bring bad grades from school, they did not try to somehow influence me and figure it out, I don’t remember exactly, but in my opinion, my parents once went to the parent meeting and that’s it! In general, many will say that improper upbringing is not the cause of Social phobia. But I thought I was the only crazy one in this world! As a result, years passed, I grew up and, along with me, my lack of fulfillment and self-doubt ... And as a result, now I don’t know how to speak in public and communicate normally. there are a lot of thoughts in my head, but I can’t put them together while communicating with a person (people), I also can’t find and support a topic for conversation. Often, apart from the banal stupid “UGU”, I can’t say anything, and immediately there is excitement, trembling in my voice and self-criticism. Here it is in all its ugliness. Social phobia manifests itself in me! And further! I sing well, but as you might guess with my problem, not only can I not expose my skills to the public and criticize, I can’t even go to vocal courses to do it professionally (after all, a tutor is also an irritant for a social phobe) and of course I can’t practice vocals at home, because any audience, even relatives, is scary for me. In general, there are many situations ... I read your article and will definitely use your advice. Thank you!

and I'm very afraid of a new team, so I can't get a job. a call to the employer, the first thirty minutes in a new team seem like hell for me, I start to stutter, I don’t know what to say, ask, but I quickly get used to it, as soon as someone talks to me. I can’t understand why I have social phobia as soon as it comes to work. otherwise, it seems, everything is not so scary, there are of course moments, but insignificant. can anyone tell me why "knees are shaking" only when you have to get a job? I have no education, but I'm not going to get a job as an accountant or a lawyer. maybe it's a complex?

I am 16 years old, social phobia usually manifests itself at school. Passed the test, I was given 96 points. I changed my place, moved to another area in a small town, so small that if you do something bad, then the next day everyone will know about it. I have friends and a girlfriend, sometimes I go out for a walk, but often I just sit at home. At school, I just hide in the classroom and I can't approach anyone. I don't know what to do, how to be. I read your article today and will try.

If there are those who still overcame their fears, advise how, write here [email protected] I will wait!

Hello)

I'm also a sociophobe, as it turned out, but I have no excitement

in public, I don't stutter. I just sometimes can't walk, but still

more often it seems to me that my legs do not obey me, I immediately get the impression that everyone is looking at me, laughing.

If I go somewhere, the feeling that all eyes are directed only at me, because of this I stumble, I get worried ...

I am very worried that all my thoughts will always be occupied only by my gait.

I will try to go through all these points.

hello friends in misfortune.

I am 17, since childhood I was very shy, stiff, I would say spineless (I couldn’t answer the request “no” to anyone, I couldn’t stand up for myself), completely insecure for that age. Now the situation is no better. I often blush (this is my main problem). I began to avoid such situations in which I know that I will blush, as soon as I try to do something like that, they tell me "stop blushing, that I blushed so much, etc.", this is even more embarrassing. At the blackboard, I still somehow calmly stand up, I’ll talk to someone I don’t know very well, but this is rare. Walking past a crowd of people is a living hell. Again, I blush, it even becomes difficult to breathe. although there are many friends/acquaintances. in the class I communicate well with many, mostly for some reason I have good relations with boys. The most offensive, so to speak, is that everyone else is quite normal. calmly answer everyone, DO NOT blush! just a nightmare. I hope with the help of this article I will stop turning into a “tomato” from time to time. Feeling constantly in discomfort is terribly tired.

I am 16 years old. And I'm terrified of people. Any contact makes me panic, I start shaking and my face turns red. When I walk down the street, I try to hide behind the backs of passers-by from people walking towards me. I study at the institute and they laugh at me very often. I do not have friends. I tried to get rid of THIS, but it does not help, from the fact that I will communicate with someone, I begin to shake and I cannot connect even two words. I don’t know what topics to talk about with people, topics like the weather, sports seem stupid and not interesting to me. I do not know how to live with this further ... help.

Thank you all, what a wonderful article and lively comments! I read and see myself. I am 18 years old, I have a pronounced social phobia, I have no friends, I feel comfortable only when I am alone, I am embarrassed by people, I am afraid to pass by the crowd, there is torture in front of people. Even in a self-service store, it takes me a lot of inner determination to buy something. Your article inspired me a lot, I will try to apply all the rules, I will think about moving. May God get rid of all this. I also want to wish good luck to all my friends in misfortune - guys, you are so dear to me in this regard, I understand you. With God!

Guys! Want a simple and proven way to get rid of social phobia in one day? Literally the day before yesterday I wrote the previous comment, today I got rid of my social phobia with God's help and thanks to your advice. The most important thing is to restructure your thoughts and decide on a new life. And the mood is this: “I don’t care what people think about me. I’m a cheerful, open, cheerful, relaxed person. I love all people, and it’s interesting and easy for people with me.” every step, and life will sparkle with new colors. Thank God for everything, God bless the authors of the article !!! You helped me a lot!!!

Thanks for good words! Believe me, I tried, but one mood is not enough, I'm too skeptical. The postponing technique helped me. I promised myself that I would worry, but not now and not here. The subconscious initially fell for this trick, the excitement receded, but then it nevertheless took its toll, and it became difficult for me to control it (I promised :). But for some it might be useful.
As for the comment below, I agree, perhaps erythrophobia is the root cause (“sister”) of social phobia, and not vice versa. In this respect, I have my own assumption that dysmorphophobia - the fear of one's own imaginary or insignificant physical shortcomings (or, more precisely, the certainty of their presence) can become a cause (or at least a catalyst) of c-phobia. A person can be embarrassed by his nose, for example, and because of this, avoid contact with other people so that they do not notice his “flaw”. Thus, persistent social fear is developed on the basis of dysmorphophobia (however, there are so many of these “soils”).
It follows that s-phobia is a whole complex of fears, which means that treatment must be approached comprehensively. Here, self-esteem plays a role, and the presence / absence of certain “specific” phobias (the same dysmorphophobia), and the personal qualities of a sociophobe (we train willpower), and attitude. In a word, go for it, start moving towards your goal in small steps, I believe in you! I'm already on the road to recovery.
p/s 98 points(

And this misfortune is redness from any little thing surrounding the subject, be it a train, a minibus, or a queue in a store. One counter glance of any person, that's it - the tomato is ripe. People see it right away and sometimes smile, but a man is ready to fall through the ground at that moment. This person is 43 years old, that is, far from being a child, and it’s impossible to attribute this to a youthful blush, or a transitional age. I look, here and children write allegedly with the same problem. I would not seriously consider this, since in children these troubles often disappear with age, and then, by the 20th, arrogance cuts in like a tank. At 43, some cannot even raise their eyes to look at someone, let alone stare at them point-blank and do not look indignant, as modern youth does. To be honest, I envy this. I gave a lot to be the same tank.

As a rule, those who have Erythrophobia, of course, also have Social phobia, it's like Siamese twins. And I even think that if there was no Erythrophobia, then there would be no Social phobia, because one pulls the other - a person sees a source of excitement, blushes, and here it is social phobia, as if on a silver platter, a person cannot raise his eyes, they are simply cut from hopelessness , about something to say or undertake, there can even be no question, because he will blush even more, because he sees that everyone is looking at him red, so social phobia has come to you.

I think that young people in our country understand something about this, and it’s better not to disturb our specialists in prescribing Western pills, but it’s better to just take it yourself and go to a place where this problem has long been heard. This problem is called Blushing Syndrome.

The most interesting thing is that the vast majority of those around them do not see this, and if they do, they do not attach any importance at all. Blush for health! This is fine! The more you are afraid to blush, the more you will blush.

Tell me, how was the blushing syndrome cured with all the consequences? I once read about the excision of the sympathetic trunk of the nervous system, but this is very dangerous, because you can become completely disabled, doctors don’t care ...

Hello, I passed the test for 107 severe social phobia... It's terribly difficult for me to communicate with people, I don't leave the house at all, I'm afraid to go to the store! The thought of how I will live when I grow up (I am 16) does not leave me, how will I work and communicate? It's probably incurable...

Thanks for the text, I will try to do everything as it is written there, I hope for a good result.

From early childhood, I was very sedentary, I didn’t talk to anyone at school before, I was on my own, it was very difficult, at the age of 13 I started talking with classmates, a girlfriend appeared, now I’m not shy to go out, sit in a cafe, perform, go out to board, I’m embarrassed of only one thing, to communicate with a company, I love companies, but I don’t know what to say, I’m stupidly silent and that’s it, I immediately become closed, I’m afraid to say anything, thinking I’ll say some garbage and they will think that I’m a fool, it’s hard for me with anyone then make friends, but I'm trying. sometimes I feel insecure, I don’t know what to do, I’m afraid to express my opinion ...

I have 78 points, severe social phobia. I’m afraid to look people in the eye, because it’s terribly unpleasant for me when they look at me, I don’t have friends and communication skills, and therefore it will be difficult to find a job, because I won’t get along in a team. I try to set myself up for positive, but it’s not enough for a long time, it’s sometimes very difficult for me to even relax at home, the nerves of the frontal part and the back of the head are very tense. I don’t want a family or children, in short, to die and not feel this pain ...

I really liked the article! Everything is on point!! I'm 23, married. I fell in love with my husband at first sight, but I didn’t dare to approach, I couldn’t even look into my eyes, until I myself noticed me, by a lucky chance, almost six months later, they wouldn’t have met) (they worked in the same building on different floors) I become very isolated in myself, it’s hard to communicate with strangers, there are friends, but it wasn’t very easy to get used to them, I got used to it for a long time, from the beginning I seem shy to everyone, but how I get used to the soul of the company, like a fish in water))) it’s really a long way to go to this, I worry often, what is not interesting to friends or husband, often before I say something I think, so as not to stir up too much, I like shopping, as it were, but it’s a little scary to go into boutiques “sellers are such sellers” they can look around))) because of my insecurity, I am often irritable , going to visit, cafes, going to the park with my husband, etc. leads to a certain degree of aggression, because of which I break down on my husband, as a result of which litters arise, in general, I will try to follow the advice of your article! In every comment you see yourself, we are walking down the street, shy, but it turns out we are shy of the same social phobias))) good luck to everyone and more effort on yourself !!!

I'm 15 (boy)

How did he go through social phobia on his own?

but there is one last problem

I'm afraid to invite friends over

I moved to another country (it happened)

and found many friends. Even a lot

If I'm afraid of my family (mother and brother) or something else,

They invite, I refuse (I'm not afraid, but I know that if I invite, then I must invite them too)

By the way, I'm still afraid to go out, but things are going great at school ...

I'm waiting for the help of a psychologist

Good afternoon! How many literate, interestingly expressing their thoughts sociophobes, it turns out! I read the comments and think: so that's how many of us. Yes, social phobia is a very serious problem. One of the many unpleasant moments (at least in my case, for sure) associated with social phobia is that the fears and experiences associated with them have a very strong effect on my health. Because of this - limited communication, movement during periods of exacerbation, isolation. Well, and, accordingly, depression, self-flagellation, tears, etc. "amenities". And when you are in isolation for a certain time, social phobia increases significantly. At a minimum, it becomes difficult to force yourself to leave the house. Then you start pushing yourself. When forced to go through daily life "training", social phobia recedes a little. For example, I often had panic attacks in the morning when I thought that I needed to leave the house, my whole body resisted terribly. I kept wondering how this unpredictable world would meet me. But you still had to go. One had only to cross the threshold, go out into the street and it became a little easier. Step by step on the sidewalk - even easier. As you get closer to the place of work - again the excitement. It’s scary in advance, suddenly problems arise, suddenly someone offends ... You come to the team, assess the situation - everything seems to be calm, slightly relaxed, but internally you are still on your guard. You never know what ... Ready for defense just in case. And this inner wariness in relation to the outside world, mainly to people, is present, unfortunately, always, changing the scale, however, depending on how often you work on yourself. It happens that working on yourself helps, you start to believe in yourself more. It happens that the same technique does not work at all, no matter how hard you try. Like peas on the wall. This leads to another depression. But then you seem to gather yourself “in a bunch” again and work again. It can be wildly difficult to pull yourself together, especially if you have to act through physical pain. But you still want to live (although, I confess, I washed different ones, but I chose life), and therefore, sometimes stronger, sometimes weaker, but you try to act.

But you need constant work on yourself. If this does not happen, everything returns to normal, unfortunately (but, perhaps, a certain milestone is needed, beyond which the state stabilizes. Perhaps I have not overcome it yet). The same is true with physical activity, which is a serious help in the fight against social phobia. Only regular exercises bring relief, relieve tension, even out breathing. These are not necessarily long-term loads, 20 minutes a day of stretching, tilting, push-ups, head rotations, etc. are enough for me. Knead everything where tensions, clamps are felt, carefully, of course. Oh, and also, I really liked the BBC movie The Secret (or The Secret). It can be treated differently, but there are some points that can be adopted with social phobia and, in general, for life. And it really does work. Checked on myself.

I wish all of us the best of luck in overcoming this challenge. After all, it's a pity the energy wasted on experiences, while it could be used to create our own life!!!

The article is actually interesting and, as it turns out, also useful, reading it inspires some self-confidence and you remember your positive qualities and you begin to understand on a subconscious level that you are not a bad person, but on the contrary, even better than some. GUYS, THIS IS WHAT I ADVISE TO YOU ALL: DO MORE UNUSUAL ACTIVITIES, EVEN LET SOMEONE LAUGH, IT IS NOT TERRIBLE, ON THE CONTRAST, YOU SHOULD REJOY, BECAUSE YOU MANAGED TO MAKE PEOPLE LAUGHTER. And as for dating and communicating with other people, start communicating from afar, for example (hello, how are you, or start communicating on a topic you know well), if a person is interested in you, you will immediately understand, because he will reciprocate. AND MOST IMPORTANTLY, DO ALL OF THIS MORE OFTEN, OVER TIME YOU WILL NOT notice HOW TO COMMUNICATE WITH PEOPLE YOU WILL BE SIMPLE AND EASY.

I have 96 points. Interestingly, social phobia practically disappears in Moscow - no, of course, I don’t immediately become the soul of the company and don’t strive for new acquaintances (for me it’s hell), but it’s somehow easier. I can go for a walk with my children alone (without a girlfriend) and feel quite normal, I don’t run home at the first cries of my children, I calmly go to supermarkets, cinemas, exhibitions, and in general almost everywhere - except for public places (officials still scare me) . But in our village where I live, I try not to go out at all! Or in the evening when everyone is asleep - but even then I'm afraid that people will notice me! And even at home I don’t feel calm: I have the feeling that everyone knows that I don’t go out much. And when I'm on the street during the day, I have the feeling that everyone evaluates me. And, worst of all, half the time it's true - we have a military camp, where people have nothing else to do, except how to discuss neighbors. To identify normal people (not gossips), I'm already scared. I understand that it is NECESSARY to go outside, I have two small children who still don’t go to kindergarten, but I can’t overpower myself! Sometimes I have the feeling that because of this village, my weak social phobia, which I had quite successfully fought before, grew into paranoia. My husband just laughs at this, and it makes me feel even worse.

hello, can lenses somehow affect my phobia? because he is bound by himself + to all this, his eyes, it seems to me, become glassy.

I have mild social anxiety. It is very difficult to communicate with new people. Especially with guys. I am 17 years old and have not been in a relationship yet, I am sure that I cannot like anyone, so it is very difficult for me sometimes even to look at a guy who is cute to me. Probably, everything is laid from childhood. I was never particularly praised or complimented, over time I began to understand that there are many people who are better, more beautiful, smarter than me, and I began to slowly withdraw into myself, so I am much more comfortable. When I go out into the street, it constantly seems to me that everyone around me is looking at me condemningly, if I see people laughing, then I certainly think that I am the cause of laughter, etc. I do not know how to deal with this problem, social phobia just suppresses me, my aspirations for a happy and vibrant life. I want to walk quietly, have fun, make new friends, but instead I lose my best years at the computer and sobbing into the pillow. I understand perfectly well that everything depends only on me, but I just can’t do it, I feel that there is an insurmountable wall between me and people, and I don’t know how to destroy it.

Veronika, I have the same problem, everything is the same, even our age is the same, after reading this article, although I already knew many methods, I will work on myself, I hope that social phobia will pass, good luck to everyone who decided to fight with this problem

I have 87 points - severe social phobia. And I think that all this is because I hardly go out, but I have so many hobbies that I am interested in at home! What for me all these people and communication (it's so ordinary and uninteresting). I do not understand those people who need all this. I don't even want to try to change.

Hello Katherine! My name is Alexander and I also notice signs of social phobia in myself. Since childhood, I have been an uncommunicative and uncommunicative person, it is difficult for me to communicate and get along with people. Due to the fact that I am a non-communicative person who avoids people, I am subjected to ridicule by my parents and relatives. My mother is a sociable person, so she does not understand how it is possible to stay at home all the time. She constantly tries to remake me for herself, thinking that it's just like two times two. But it's really difficult for me to communicate with people and I'm unlikely to ever enjoy it at all. As for dad, he considers me an empty place, treats me as worthless. Everything that is in me does not suit him and repels him. He gets mad because I'm not tough like him, because I don't get rude like he does, because I'm quiet. For other relatives, I am an object for banter and jokes. They are all sociable people who see me as an eccentric and a jerk. Because of this attitude towards people like me, we begin to gnaw at ourselves for being uncommunicative and looking for communication. Tell me, how do you react if people ask you questions about communicating with other people?

And what to do when there is no career, no relatives?

What to do when the meaning of life is lost? When you know you can't have children? When you know that no one needs, in fact. Even my own mother...

I'm trying to fight my social phobia, but so far without success. Sometimes it becomes easier, it seems that everything passes, until I catch myself thinking that I am not like that, I speak not like that, I walk not like that, as if it were a mistake of nature! Even the reason is difficult to understand, just a feeling that the whole world is against you, you want to close, hide. I know it's stupid, but I can't do anything. And here I am sitting at home, and do not stick out a piece of my nose behind the gate. I just want to die, that's all. I don't know how to be. Mom already hopelessly told me - DIE. And this is the most terrifying thing you can hear from your own and only mother.

I feel like a lone psycho! In its closed space of the borderline state of the psyche. How I want to become a small child again and fix everything. Educate yourself. Avoid so many mistakes. I would not imitate Elena I. all my subconscious life from the moment of walking with her. When I wanted to attract my mother's attention and achieve her warmth, advice, kiss, hugs. Explanations about the good and the bad! But no... there's nothing to return. Kill yourself and go to dad? But he is in Paradise because he died, and did not kill himself. What to do? Mommy save!

Gradually, over the course of 10 years, I shake off this “shell” from myself, but the changes are almost imperceptible, in my soul I am still the same notorious girl. To whom to tell - they will not believe. It became a little easier to find out that I'm not the only one who suffers like this, I'm afraid to eat in front of people, talk on the phone and with strangers. Stuttering... how did it get attached to me? I don't mind. It started when I got older. It is incredibly hard to fight with yourself, only the same “sufferer” will understand it, those around you, even those close to you and those who know about the problem, will never fully understand the full severity of this disease. I wish all sociophobes to recover from this abomination! And I will try my best!

And the final stage of my letter is the most terrible ...

The mother doesn't care. Are you alive or lying in a ditch somewhere. For the weak, go with the flow. And it is very difficult to change the course of events in any way. I'm so scared of committing suicide. But as long as I can remember, I only think about death. Enough! I have nothing to live for. Even my mother doesn't care what happens to me. I have already been to a psychiatric clinic, after which I can’t crawl at all at home. Because I can’t even look at myself in the mirror without crying. She looks at all this state of mine and does nothing. Even when I just ask her to buy something for me (for example, pills for blood vessels - an important medicine for me, some water, cigarettes), she says: herself. Well, I can’t even get out from behind the gate now. And she is so with me ... She only drinks and leaves me with her younger brother for a walk. There is only one answer to my protests against drunkenness: my money, I want it and I drink it. Don't like it - get out! My home is what I want, I do. I would be glad to get out, but there is nowhere except for the next world. I'm sorry, but I can't suffer anymore. I am writing... These are all feelings. I now have fear. After all, the mother abandoned her child. Refused to help at all. Now all that's really left is to die.

Is there any other way out???

Christina, there is a way out of your situation. We all have a Dad and Mom who will NEVER leave us. This is the Lord God. Do not be skeptical about this, forget all your prejudices about God and about the Church, which were planted during the Soviet period. I am not imposing any dogma on you. You have a mind, you have a heart - go to an Orthodox church and tell all your pain to God, and best of all - to a priest at confession - and after that you will judge. Try, "do not believe" your utopian thoughts - and you will get what you ask for. God is LOVE, not Judge, He came to us, to sinners, to sociophobes, to free us from this pain. God loves a person, no matter how he is, unlike people, and even parents. Everything has a meaning, the Providence of God, including our illnesses. Mental illness tells us about spiritual illness. “Lay out” your pain before God, ask Him for forgiveness for your sins before Him and before people - and it will become easier for you - this will “break” the vicious circle. Our enemy, the devil, loves when people withdraw into themselves, then he can do with them what he wants. An honest confession will help to break out of one's own, or rather, devilish thoughts, and the enemy will run away. This is not a fairy tale, this is the reality of our life. There is a devil, and only he wants our death, not us. There is a God who wants us to live with Him and live happily. You want to live normally and happily, but the devil does not want to, so thoughts of suicide are not yours. Go ahead and get what you want. Read the prayer "Our Father" from the heart, sincerely and ... with God!

Reading all your comments, I see myself in almost all of them. all these experiences and thoughts are bad, I no longer know what to do. Self-doubt, fear of what others will think of me ruined many plans. I can’t communicate normally with people, I’m really afraid of them, I can’t run in the morning, I abandoned it, because I think that people care about me, I quit two jobs and now I’m looking again, but every day I put it off, before I call I think a lot and prepare for the call. it's so annoying. I blush very often where there are a lot of people. I know and understand that I wind up everything for myself, but I can’t do anything about it. everyone in my family is not very sociable, but everything is really bad with me, I have no problems communicating with my relatives, I am who I am with them, but as soon as I go out into the street, it’s not me anymore. I have been told this many times. This is my second comment, so open, and indeed the second. Thank you for the article and a HUGE THANK YOU for the comments, I even breathe better and freer because I am not alone in my illness, sorry for the selfishness

Hello. I am 15 and almost what is described in this article is true about me. And I’m shy now, of course, because I used to, but still because I’m full, although now I almost have a tummy (I did the exercises, and now the abs don’t get fat in general. But most importantly, I like girl in the class, and I can't talk to her, I'm shy, of course I speak, but not freely. and especially I understand computers.Maybe I will find a job as a system administrator thanks to this phobia.But still I would like to solve it.

My body entered a completely closed state and withdrawal from society. I'm 43 years old. I've been sitting at home since 90 years since I graduated from high school. Not a disabled person, just from childhood I was closed and withdrawn. No question, just stating a fact.

Friends! Let's fight it all! All the people around are the same as us, do not forget, so why are you afraid of them? Do not be afraid! Say stupid things next to someone, it's okay, take it as an approximation to good communication skills, all the more you can achieve something only through ups and downs, don't get hung up on this, believe me, and this same person is also mistaken, even often. It seems that someone is looking at you, start looking at him too, and then come up and ask if you want to tell me something. Are you afraid to talk to someone on the phone in front of someone? Oh, walk down the street and just talk on the phone (it might be turned off), invent and say whatever comes into your head, and look at the people walking, and you will notice that everyone doesn’t care about your speeches, they are all busy and where - they're in a hurry. Are you scared to answer at the blackboard in class? Take a photo of the teacher and at home in front of her tell the report, etc. The main thing is to look into the eyes of the teacher. Can't retell? Start simply with a proposal. Try to express your idea in your own words. Then take on the paragraphs. And then a few paragraphs later. YOU WILL SUCCEED! Don't forget that everyone experiences fear often, and it's NORMAL.

Hello! I am 15 years old! The test showed that I do not suffer from social phobia (I have 52 points)! But I think that at least a little, but I have this phobia! I am not afraid to eat in public places and walk down the street, but I constantly think about “what if they think badly of me or seem stupid”! I recently moved to another city! I met girls from my class, I can ask them something! But often when we go somewhere together, there is an awkward silence ... I just don’t know what to talk about, what to say funny and funny, and sometimes when they ask me about something, my tongue just gets tangled and I don’t answer clearly! I don't want them to think that I'm silent, not sociable and shy, although I am ...

I also often worry about my appearance, that I'm not as beautiful as my classmates, not dressed like that, not wearing the same make-up, not having the same hairstyle... and I feel awkward...

I read your article, I will certainly try!

Answer me please!!!

I was clearing a lot of bookmarks today and came across this article. It was as if I had been electrocuted. Two years ago, like you, I, too, surfed the Internet in search of an answer to exciting questions: social phobia, erythrophobia. the fact is that from the very childhood they told me: She is shy, she blushed, she is silent with us, etc. , by the age of 15 I was already a real social phobia. I avoided communication in any manifestation, I worked in the back rooms, where there are no young people. I blushed always and everywhere, with or without reason, so obsessed with it that when someone said: you blushed, I was thrown into a fever: my hands were sweating, my voice was trembling, tachycardia began. You blushed - it was worse for me, probably, death.

By the age of 25, the situation only worsened. I tried to be afraid, I tried to answer: yes, I blushed, so what? Didn't work in my case. I blushed even more, and they answered me with pity: - No, nothing, and they translated the topic, because I was almost in a faint)

Then this article, about 20 more articles, and then books. And so I begin to get involved in psychology. And so, gradually, very slowly, beliefs begin to change. Everything we think about ourselves is true! Do you consider yourself a social phobe? There is nothing fairer than giving a person what he believes in and what he expects...

I decided for myself, after reading several books - stop believing in the nonsense imposed on me! If we are what we think about ourselves, and we think about ourselves due to the acquired attitudes, then by changing the attitude, the thought will change, and then the reality.

And so I decide to get rid of attitudes that are not mine, by the way, they were imposed on me, and I no longer want to accept dogmas imposed by anyone. There are many ways to get rid of attitudes: slow - shifting beliefs, affirmation, diary of success, fast - working with the subconscious, communicating with confident and successful people.

Everything we plant in our subconscious eventually grows and grows as long as we feed it. I decided not to feed any more phobias, I decided to destroy them!

I realized that my phobias live in me only thanks to my attention. Every evening I said to myself: Yes, there was an attitude and I had reasons to accept it then, but I don’t need it anymore. I want to be free and I will!

Since then, I had bouts of uncertainty, to which I said: These are the remnants of past thinking, and in my head the image of a “withered tree”, which I will never water again in my life.

Now I get high from myself from life, as it turned out, I have a very good sense of humor, and in a huge company I am a leader. Many goals, plans, projects).

ps I used to experience a terrible correspondence complex, because I didn’t study well at school and I’m not friendly with punctuation (I apologize to those who are hurt by this) And now it’s even funny somehow). This is not the end of the world, and it is very important to convey the essence to a person. Do not invent flaws for yourself, concentrate on the merits, believe me, you have a lot of them))))

And lastly, your shortcoming, as it seems to you now, is your greatest strength. There is duality in the world, what you are not is inflamed in you. You are a great person! Look at those around you who are burning their lives. They do not care what others think of them, even if they are dirty, clumsy. This worries only strong personalities who, for certain reasons, feed the illusion and suffer greatly from this. Good luck to all)

Passed the test, as a result of 54 points ...

You know, it's just unbearable. I would do anything to sit alone in a room for days and listen to music, read books, mind my own business. People strain me, it is uncomfortable for me to be among people, to communicate. I didn't have social anxiety before.

Because of this anxiety and fear, I have no friends, it is difficult for me to communicate with someone. the fact is that I try all the time to make a good impression on people, I am afraid of criticism, condemnation. I'm afraid of what they think of me. Even though I understand that this fear is irrational and all this is an illusion worked out by my consciousness. but it is impossible to cope with these thoughts on your own.

I have never been to a psychologist, but I'm going to go soon. I hope that I will finally get rid of this terrible state...

Question to a psychologist

Hello! I am 20 years old! I am uncommunicative, closed and insecure (notorious) .. it really bothers me because my boyfriend always strains me to change, become sociable, keep up a conversation with people I don’t know much, but no matter how I tried, nothing happens .. I seem to I'm afraid of something .. I'm afraid to even talk to my boyfriend about my problems .. I can't fight this (((please help!

Anna, it will be difficult to help you in absentia ...

Try to work with your fears on your own.

Read more about fear here:
http://psychological-stories/moj-strakh
About working with them - here:
http://psiholog-dnepr.com.ua/be-your-own-therapist/dnevnik-raboty-so-strakhami
When fears cease to occupy the first place in your life, confidence and faith in your strength will appear.
Read about it here:
http://psiholog-dnepr.com.ua/be-your-own-therapist/diary-confidence

To improve rapport with your boyfriend, try talking to him about your feelings and desires.
For this there is a format "I - messages".
Read about how to do it here:
http://psiholog-dnepr.com.ua/for-the-family/school-partnership/message

There will be difficulties, please contact me, I work by e-mail (on-line) and Skype.
And I can help you on an individual basis.

Sincerely, Kiselevskaya Svetlana, psychologist, master (Dnepropetrovsk).

Good answer 7 bad answer 2

Hello Anna.

If I understood you correctly, then your lack of sociability and isolation is bothering you because your young man insists that you become more sociable. What do you want? Are you comfortable if you are "trying" to be more social? We cannot reshape ourselves according to someone else's desire, and our loved ones must understand and accept this. Judging by the letter (and God forbid, I'm wrong), you are psychologically very young, I would say a teenager who has not yet formed his opinion, his character. To a greater extent, you are dependent on the opinions of other people and rely more on them than on yourself. It might be better if you take more responsibility for yourself and for yourself. This will make you more confident and then confidence will already be manifested in everything: in communication, in relationships, in studies, in work.

Tskhai Lyudmila Melsovna, psychologist Taldykorgan

Good answer 8 bad answer 0

If you really want to change, do it for yourself (not for the guy).

First of all, you definitely need to master the DPG method. Method Very simple and clear, but very effective. It helps to quickly work out a lot of negative thoughts, complexes and fears. You can read more about the method here - http://rudocs.exdat.com/docs/index-425322.html?page=13

Apply this method to any negativity in your head, to all fears, fears, thoughts, etc.

This will be more than enough to get you started. If you have any questions during the process, please contact me and I can help. Good luck.

Goloshchapov Andrey Viktorovich, psychologist Saratov

Good answer 7 bad answer 1

Hello Anna! You want intimacy, but you are afraid - you are afraid to open up to your partner, because you are afraid of being rejected, misunderstood, experiencing disappointment and pain, and this closeness confronts you with the fact that you do not experience joy and ease in relationships, that they are constantly burdened by this shadow. It is important for you to understand for yourself - that YOU are YOU - you are right in your feelings! You can ONLY accept yourself - and that is the only acceptance you can guarantee yourself. The people around (including the young man) are free to either accept you or reject you - BUT in order for them to make this decision, it is important to find out - who are you? when you do NOT open up - there is nothing - no one knows you, and YOU deny yourself. And when you are open to yourself, when you are true to yourself, and are NOT afraid of depending on the opinions of others, then they can see you, understand for themselves whether they accept you or not - only this will help you start building relationships, and you and your partner will understand each other friend and make decisions - are you ready to be together, do you share the basic views, norms, values, attitudes. It is important to start trusting yourself - from the fact that you open up - YOU WILL NOT change - and let others choose for themselves whether they accept you or not - such a delineation of boundaries will help you get rid of this addiction and find yourself! and if it is difficult to figure it out on your own - you can contact - call, write - I will be glad to help you!

Shenderova Elena Sergeevna, psychologist Moscow

Good answer 6 bad answer 2

As for the question, I am VERY complex. VERY. How to raise your self-esteem? +++ given by the author flush the best answer is 1. Accept yourself for who you are. Honestly, with all the shortcomings and advantages. In the end, looking back, it is always interesting to remember where your fascinating journey to the stars began.
2. Stop comparing yourself to others. The only person you can compare yourself to is yourself a week, a month, a year ago. If you are better today than you were yesterday, then this is a serious reason to be proud of yourself. For example, a year ago you did not know how to drive a car, but today you feel like Michael Schumacher behind the wheel. Or six months ago, you couldn’t even dream of jeans two sizes smaller, but today you flaunt in “skins”. Every smallest victory is a reason to congratulate yourself, even if today you just managed to get up half an hour earlier.
3. Avoid like the plague, self-deprecating statements and assessments - your self-esteem is directly related to this. Learn to take compliments royally, for granted and for granted. No bashful “Well, what are you! This is just a good photo! and similar nonsense!
4. Be worthy of these compliments - watch your appearance. Even if you are far from perfect, you simply must look well-groomed and tidy.
5. Watch your posture all the time while you are standing, walking, sitting. Don't let your shoulders droop down and your nose hang down dejectedly. Yes, it takes effort and control. But who said it would be easy? .
6. Want to experience something like a healing shock? Record yourself on a voice recorder. You can have a monologue, but dialogue is better. Now listen to how it all sounds. Mumble and mumble? Do you swallow the endings of words? Do you speak too softly with guilty and pleading intonations? Well, then you should not be surprised that others allow themselves to treat you accordingly - with disdain, albeit carefully hidden. Learn to speak firmly, calmly and kindly. Read anything into the recorder, and then listen and work on the speech.
7. Always spend a little more on yourself than you can afford and pamper yourself whenever possible. Do not regret money - even if a new bag cost you half your salary. Learn to want and get what you want.
8. With low self-esteem, simple worldly wisdom will help to cope: strive to communicate not only with people equal to yourself, but also with those from whom you can learn something. With those who are at least one step higher than you. If you are ready to learn from their experience, then you are already half way to victory.
9. Learn to say "no" - politely but firmly. And don't be afraid to offend others. A person who knows how to defend his interests deserves respect.
10. Just love yourself. This is absolutely normal. There are simply no perfect people in the world, and the experience of each person - including yours - is priceless and unique. So don't be afraid to go your own way and make your own mistakes. And let him who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at you.

Answer from Max xxx[guru]
well here right now ryam will help you

Answer from Abracadabra[guru]
personal growth training
or sex liberates..

Answer from Signal[guru]
Self-esteem should not just be high, but reasonably high. Become a master at something, an expert at something, or just an extraordinary person at something. Then your self-esteem will naturally rise, and people will reach out to you and raise it even more. You don't need to tell yourself how you "adore yourself", you need to have something for which you can be adored. And there will be no shortage of admirers.
In short - get busy! Do something seriously, deeply, professionally and successfully. This not only raises your value in your own eyes, but also distracts your thoughts from self-digging and smearing saliva ...

Answer from electrosleep[guru]
is there a separate apartment? ?
I just don't have it, and that's the only reason I can't live. and I've been tired of talking to people for a long time and I don't want to for a long time, if I had an apartment. I wouldn’t get out of it for years, but would work at some completely mediocre job like a courier or the like, so that I would have enough for food and rent, and in the evenings I would read books or do something else, but I don’t have an apartment, I live with my parents and I have to pretend that I am a specialist in the field I hate, in which I work, I must say that I do not pretend to be very successful, I have no education in the field in which I work and not at all there is no other, in general, if you study and work, then do not worry. you will meet someone who will understand and love, the main thing is not to try to imitate everyone. you’ll only make things worse for yourself, if there’s nothing to say, then leave or kiss if you don’t want to kiss. then go away and do not explain anything. and if they laugh and consider abnormal, then generally tear all contacts.

Answer from Yoman[guru]
What, make up brighter. put on a short skirt, a push-up bra, you can even gain a couple of pounds and go meet tall athletic guys.

Answer from Simulator[guru]
play more)

Answer from Wise Kaa[guru]
Marry me!

Answer from Viron[guru]
If you know how, then it's nothing. You describe the complex of the first step. When you don't know what to say to someone. What to talk to him about, so that the topic that you offer him will be interesting to him. There is such a science - astrology. The thing is huge in terms of volume and energy consumption for studying. You don't need to learn all of it. You need a small part. We must learn to work with the cosmogram. Find out the month in which the person you need was born. Everything. Nothing more needs to be known. The position of the Sun in a sign is a characteristic of 25% of the personality. With Aries, you can talk about bringing ideas to life. About his ups and downs. It will be interesting for him. With Taurus, you can talk about the cottage, about luxury items, about material things. With Gemini about travel, etc. A month of another study and you will clearly know what to talk about with a person so that he is interested in you, and what you should not talk about with him. The books of two astrologers will teach you how to work with the cosmogram. This is Pavel Globa. Or Absalom Underwater

Answer from Viktor Kovalev[guru]
The reason for all psychological problems is that a person does not receive from nature all the knowledge necessary to understand life. Now all the necessary knowledge is known. Here it is. God is not omnipotent over himself. Sexual desire is the will of the body. The meaning of life is that God needs our life. God is not omnipotent over himself, and he needs something. A person has two types of sexual intercourse - for conception and for pleasure. For pleasure, a woman does not enter. Any psychological problem either directly follows from the absence of all this knowledge, or the absence of this knowledge does not allow solving some other problem.

Portal for the student. Self-training