, Comments to record How to get rid of feelings? disabled

How to get rid of feelings?

Hello, Elena. How to get rid of feelings for a person? I have loved him for over 10 years. At first we met with him, but he cheated on me, and we broke up. Then they converged and dispersed several more times: he returned, and I received him. Then he got married, and I also got married, but continued to love him, and we met in secret. My husband irritated me in everything, we divorced him, and I again decided to meet my beloved.

Now a very good person loves me, but I'm afraid to be with him, it seems that everything will be the same as with my husband. I don't want to live with one, meet another. I know that no matter how much time passes, if he wants to meet, I will accept him. When we do not meet for a long time, I get depressed, everything loses value, I even stop eating and feel a very strong need to meet him. What happened with me? Why such a strong addiction?

I ask him to break up with me, since he does not want to divorce his wife, but he says that he can never stop loving me. I like it, I just want to live. After each meeting with him, I decide that this is the last time, I am very offended by him for not divorcing his wife. I understand that it is convenient for him like this: he has a wife and I. In the depths of my soul, I think that someday we will be together, but at the same time I understand that this way I will be left forever alone, in depression. Help me understand how to get rid of feelings for this man if I cannot live without him.

Hello Larisa.

Objectively, any person can live without another specific person. The subjective strong need for a person, with whom it is often difficult to such an extent that one wants to leave, is usually explained by beliefs or desires that have developed in childhood.

For example, unavailable and cheating men are often loved by women whose father divorced their mother or simply cheated and dated other women. For a child to achieve the love and attention of parents is a very important thing, so a girl from childhood gets used to the fact that love for a man is adjacent to jealousy, loneliness and constant expectation when he will appear.

When a girl becomes an adult, it is these men that evoke the strongest feelings in her. The unconscious need to replay the script wakes up so that this time the man chooses her. Unfortunately, it is almost never possible to replay the situation from childhood, since the chosen men are initially inclined to change or also choose to love a woman at a distance, but not to be with her, as some of their scenarios work for them.

Often the choice of one single person who loves you but does not want to be with you is explained. It seems that you have fans, you were married, but perhaps deep down there is a conviction that only he can love you the way you are. If so, then you need to figure out how you feel about yourself, what you consider worthy of love in yourself.

To get rid of feelings for a person with whom it is difficult to be together, you need to analyze together your relationship with him, relationships with other men (how you behave in relationships with them, what ways do you have to get to know them better, etc.) , as well as the needs formed in childhood, which may now interfere with arranging your personal life.

admin

Love is an inspiring feeling. A man in love is all over the place. High spirits and a feeling of cloudless happiness overwhelm him. But what about if or forbidden? Is it possible, and especially such strong ones as love?

What threatens unhappy love?

Many people are not familiar with the feeling or destructive dependence on another person, but nevertheless, most of us felt the unrequitedness on ourselves. Faced with such a situation, a person's thoughts are occupied only with the object of feelings, and the heart is overwhelmed with serious passion. But the one to whom all this storm is directed does not pay any attention or frankly says that there will be no reciprocity.

How to get rid? In this state of affairs, it is definitely necessary to suppress love, because love involves building happiness with a loved one, and not endless torment.

A man who is unrequitedly in love lives in a world of his own fantasies. The absorption of the mind by illusions makes it difficult to fully live and think rationally. Instead of suppressing a feeling that is impossible to share with an object with a sigh, a person fantasizes more and more. does not allow the possibility of a new, real, mutual feeling to enter into life. While it would be possible to attract happy love to oneself, a person completely plunges into an illusory world and sometimes spends whole years on meaningless dreams.

After a long time of waiting, the miracle never happens. What starts next? and . A person accumulates resentment in himself, a feeling of emptiness does not leave him. He is sure that nobody needs him. Any attempts of relatives and friends to somehow distract and entertain an unrequited lover are met. In this state, you can “chop a lot of wood” and do things that a person will regret later. But on this. A person, instead of suppressing the feeling of falling in love, buries himself more and more in thoughts about the subject of sighing and continues to build “castles in the air”.

Is there a cure for love?

A fever in love is not chickenpox and simply “getting sick” with it will not work. This feeling appears suddenly when a person least expects it. Attempts to come up with something to get rid of love have been made by scientists since time immemorial. Many methods were used: prayer, bloodletting, a rigid routine, exhausting sports. Of course, the measures taken did not bring the desired result, because love is not a disease of the body.

There is still no cure. However, neuroscientists assure that in the future, doctors will have a means to suppress any emotions in their arsenal. Scientists have noticed that in the initial stages, love is similar to obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). This means that drugs that help with OCD will also work in terms of suppressing dependency on the object of inspiration. But this theory has not been proven, so help from pharmacology is not to be expected.

How to suppress love?

Irresponsibility and sighing lead to psychological disorders, so you need to get rid of the feeling of falling in love. Irresponsibility breeds resentment, despondency and stress. All this negativity does not contribute to a happy existence.

Psychological methods of deliverance exist, but without working on oneself and one's own thoughts, it will not be possible to suppress the feeling. Love Suppression Therapy:

Do not close yourself from others in a cocoon of negativity and resentment. Share your disappointment. Speak up. But be careful. It is better to share grief anonymously. Communicate on forums, on social networks, lead or tell about the failure in love to a taxi driver, bartender or other uninterested person.
Do not accumulate negative emotions in yourself. Throw out the accumulated experiences by shouting them. Get out into nature and shout out loud everything that overwhelms you.
Imagine the feeling of unrequited love in the form of a balloon that moves away from you into the sky, taking resentment and emptiness with it.
Do not cross paths with a person whose thought makes you painfully aware of unrequitedness. The ideal option is a change of residence, if possible.
Fill free time to the limit. Think of your own activities. Do something you've always wanted to do but haven't had the time for. Being busy is the best medicine in the world.
Don't shut yourself up in your own thoughts. Chat with friends, go to visit, attend social events.

Learn to control your thoughts. Come up with a bonus for not remembering the tormenting character for two hours and gradually increase this time.
Refuse to persecute the object of unrequited love. In addition to inconvenience, shame and other unpleasant things, you will not get anything.
Don't stoop to revenge. The object of feelings is not to blame for falling in love with him. He did not want this and did not ask for love.
Evaluate the qualities of the object of respiration from the opposite side. There are negative character traits and shameful acts in everyone's biography, and the object of unrequited love is no exception.

People find deliverance in creativity. In a state of love, emotions and feelings overwhelm a person so much that you can use it to your advantage. Draw, write poems, stories, articles.

Don't let failure ruin future happiness. Don't develop self-doubt either. Respect the choice of the object of sighing, but remember that choosing it does not make you unworthy of happiness. This is only a page of your life, and there is a whole book ahead. Open up to new relationships and empower yourself and your loved one!

February 26, 2014, 18:53

Question to the psychologist:

Hello!

I am 27 years old. Was not married, no children. For the second time in my life I experience serious feelings, reciprocity for which one cannot expect. I fell in love for the first time at the age of 20. For two years she had a relationship with a man, after parting with him (on his initiative) for about three years she "gathered herself" anew. Naturally, there was a series of lovers, but there was no hint of a serious relationship.

A year ago I was in the same situation again. Since she did not notice the reciprocal attention in her address, she was silent. Not so long ago this man got married. We have excellent friendly relations with him, I would very much like to limit them.

To say that I idealize is impossible. Yes, this person is close to me in spirit, our views on life and hobbies are similar. I see not only advantages, but also disadvantages, and I also understand that this is more like some kind of hormonal "rabies", it needs to be experienced. But to wait until time heals - there is no strength, I do not want to wait again and hope for something.

It will not work to reduce communication with him, as well as to find hobbies to get distracted - it was on the basis of hobbies that we met and I absolutely do not want to give up my favorite business. But I need to get rid of the feeling as soon as possible - I don't want to lose three years of my life again.

"To kill" something is difficult, because. relations with men do not work out for me, there is nowhere to meet, and even if men appear in my field of vision, they do not show interest in me, although, objectively, I cannot say whether I am attractive, but sociable, I take care of myself and in friendly communication with I have no problem with the opposite sex.

My recent calm state, when I was not interested in high “feelings”, I lived, worked, occasionally found lovers myself, I didn’t really like it, but it suited me more than the current state of things. Love I would like, but mutual. And here again it is very difficult. Yes, and you won’t be able to look for reciprocity further until you get sick, so you want to step on the feeling on your throat as soon as possible.

How to rebuild yourself, treat a person in a friendly way? Can it be done quickly and not years later?

The psychologist answers the question.

Hello Olga!

From your letter, I realized that you yourself do not believe that mutual love and happy relationships are possible in your life. You have decided for yourself that “I don’t develop relationships with men, I have nowhere to meet, and even if men appear in my field of vision, they show no interest in me.” In addition, there is no reciprocity, it is impossible to reduce communication, it is impossible to “interrupt” anyone, and there is no strength to wait. What remains? Only suffer! Hence the question: why should you suffer?

All of these restrictions reflect your beliefs. Perhaps due to the fact that you are not very confident in yourself and do not believe that you are worthy of happy and mutual love. Yes, you want it, you write about it, but you don’t believe that this is possible with you, it’s more like an unattainable dream. Otherwise, if you loved yourself and believed that you deserve only the best, you would not have been exchanging for a “series of lovers” with whom you “didn’t really like” either.

If you allow yourself to be treated like this, then men will not see any value in you either. You yourself create a situation of non-reciprocity and suffering in your life. The fact that you once burned yourself does not mean that only such a development of relations is possible. You are already set to suffer for several years and suffer, "assembling yourself anew."

It turns out that having mastered only such a model of behavior, you subconsciously choose men who will justify your expectations for non-reciprocity. And this, in turn, confirms your low opinion of yourself, it turns out a vicious circle.

Olga, understand that everything you have is the result of your beliefs about yourself and about life. Perhaps this is what your family thought, but you can change everything if you want to! You can choose joy and love over suffering and loneliness. I would recommend that you switch to yourself and build your value system anew! No man will make you happy if you yourself do not feel like that! Only you are responsible for your life, and only you decide to suffer further from unrequited feelings or to find what you dream of. I am sure that you have these forces, otherwise you would simply not write to this resource.

Think about what kind of relationship you want, what kind of man deserves to be with you? How do you "know" him? Your task is not to think about where you can meet, but to concentrate on the sense of self that you will have when you meet Him! What are you like next to him? What do you need to do to become one?

How excruciatingly painful it is for those who fell in love with neither. It doesn’t matter if he is married or too aggressive, unpredictable, or it has become boring and uninteresting with him. Regardless of the reason, a feeling that only yesterday brought joy can turn into something that interferes with life. And only you yourself are able to help yourself in this situation, believing that it is in your power to free yourself from suffering and pain and, deciding to achieve this, in spite of everything and everyone.

How to get rid of feelings and emotions

Sometimes life brings unpleasant surprises. Yesterday this man caused a storm of emotions, and today there is only one desire, as soon as possible to get rid of any feelings for him. Because they interfere with rational thinking, living, poisoning existence, creating problems and clearly do not leave a chance for a happy personal life. After all, when an interesting representative of the opposite sex appears on the horizon, memories immediately pop up about how it was once good with the former and it became bad, or how much better he is than the rest.

And here either fears arise, and whether the same thing will happen with this man, or the chances of creating a new relationship disappear due to the fact that the woman is not ready to meet with someone who, in her opinion, does not live up to the former. This confusion of feelings in the soul makes you relive everything that has happened and is happening again and again, leaving no chance to restore harmony in your soul and understand what you really need to do to free yourself and build a happy personal life.

It is necessary to direct forces at such a difficult moment in order to get rid of these feelings in spite of all the difficulties that will arise along the way. And the first step should be the realization and acceptance that they bring nothing but problems and suffering. By allowing them to command and drown out the mind, you seem to be giving the right to dispose of yourself to someone who failed to reciprocate or did not live up to your expectations.

And there is no need to be afraid that it will not work out, otherwise you risk really believing in it. In order not to get stuck in this state for a long time, do not focus too much on getting rid of emotions. Pay attention to this problem when it is completely unbearable, and you feel that something needs to be done to at least reduce the sharpness and intensity of emotions until you are able to deal with them completely.

When they don’t interfere much yet, but only bother you a little, allow yourself to go about your usual business without delving into feelings. The longer you are immersed in a variety of activities, work, communication with friends, the easier it is to cope with feelings. Over time, they will lose their sharpness, and step by step you will be able to free yourself from them, accepting the fact that it is exclusively in your hands.

Remember, focusing on suffering, trying to solve it in one fell swoop will only make matters worse. It is not so easy to actually get rid of feelings instantly. Without patience and focus on victory, it will not work to change the situation. So stock up on patience and allow yourself sometimes just to feel this sadness, longing, despair and resentment. Realizing that they are as much an integral part of life as positive emotions.

In general, it is very useful to look at what is happening from the outside in order to figure out what is really bothering you. The fact is that when a person is addicted, believing that this is love, then a lot of problems arise. Because addiction can really only get rid of. She will not disappear on her own. It is difficult for a dependent partner to survive a break and the collapse of hopes.

With his mind, he is able to understand that something is wrong, but his psyche requires the usual strong emotions. Therefore, it is so important to find the strength to admit to yourself that the feeling that prevents you from living is just a painful addiction, beautifully disguised as a strong feeling.

When it is love, it does not bring suffering, it gives joy and allows you to feel happy. Everything else is definitely not her. Passion, affection, habit, dependence, but not love. This is an addiction to certain emotions that such relationships give, but they have nothing to do with true love.

The inability to calmly endure parting, the need to control a person, to know where he is, the fear of losing him, the confidence that you cannot live without him, the willingness to tolerate his incomprehensible behavior - these are all signs of addiction.

Love makes you see the best in a person, it teaches you to trust him, to rejoice in his success, to worry about not hurting, to avoid selfish acts and manipulation with the help of scandals, threats or tears. She can leave, but after her there are no ruins in the soul, but only a slight sadness and wonderful memories of what she was, along with gratitude to the one who was able to awaken this feeling.

True love leaves quietly, you don’t need to fight it, you don’t need to “pull it out” from the heart. The one who loves wants only happiness for the beloved, and therefore lets go, rejoicing that it is better for him.

Realizing that it is not love that torments, which, of course, it hurts to lose, but only the need of the psyche to receive negative emotions, a person subconsciously feels relieved, since it makes no sense for him to hold on to this addiction. After all, she does not represent any value for him, which cannot be said about love. Anyone who can understand this will easily get rid of the feelings that destroy him.

Photo: How to get rid of love for a man

• You can’t blame yourself and try to understand why this happened, why you chose the wrong one, why your hopes didn’t come true, why you haven’t been lucky yet. These thoughts will only aggravate the situation and will not let go, constantly forcing you to think about it and look for an answer that does not exist. This can happen to anyone. No one is immune from failures and problems in relationships. And this must be accepted. Anyone has the right to be weak and insecure, to try, correct, change and make mistakes. It is impossible to be right and good all the time, just as it is impossible to live without difficulties and suffering.

• Imagine that this is happening to your close friend so that you advise her. How would they explain why she needs to forget him, and let her feelings go. Try to find a way for her to admit that she is addicted. Is it enough just to say this or is it necessary to find some arguments and signs that this is really an addiction and an unhealthy habit, and not love.
• Be sure to remember all the shortcomings of this man. In all details, with some kind of hidden pleasure, list everything, describe and understand that you can only feel indifference towards such an unworthy man, and not worry about him.
• When criticized in your presence, don't stop. Let people share their thoughts about it. They clearly noticed what you missed. So you will learn a lot of new things and once again make sure that this is clearly not the hero of your novel.
• Don't try to fill a vacancy with a new boyfriend. It is unlikely that you would advise your girlfriend to start a new romance, according to the principle of "Knock out with a wedge." This is fraught with serious problems if you don’t figure out why you confused addiction with love, why you spent so much time on the person you now want to get rid of feelings for.

• Ahead is serious work on oneself in order to realize that this is just a neurotic addiction, from which it is time to get rid of, so as not to find yourself in a similar situation again and again. Therefore, for your own protection, you need to spend time and think about how to get rid not of feelings, they will disappear, but of habitual behavior when choosing men, which creates problems.
• And be sure to fill your life with new impressions and pleasant emotions, instead of diving into memories, further inflating feelings that should disappear. You are always welcome in shelters for homeless animals, orphanages, environmental and public organizations. Helping others will fill you with pride and joy. And this is what is needed.

Photo: How to get rid of love for a man

No one is immune from mistakes and disappointments. Life is so arranged and it can only be accepted. But if this cannot be avoided and changed, this does not mean at all that you do not have the strength to cope with it and learn how to get out of such situations with the least loss for yourself. The main thing to remember is that faith in yourself and your success, no matter what you do and no matter what you strive for, works wonders. If you want to get what you want, believe that it is in your power and you will succeed.

It happens that you suffer from unrequited love or that a loved one unexpectedly decides to leave you. How to get rid of love for a person that gives you nothing more than some suffering? Where to put your feelings and how to turn this page of your personal life?

Although they say that no one knows what love is, in fact this is not so, and psychologists have long considered it to be something like a sudden mental disorder.

Indeed, euphoria is replaced by depression, a feeling of strength is replaced by complete passivity, peace - unrest. If you describe all the signs abstractly, then any neuropathologist can qualify such a condition as acute psychosis and offer to undergo a course of treatment.

Unfortunately, if it comes to anyone's mind to treat falling in love, then only when it has passed into its neglected phase and the treatment has almost no success.

That is why, if you want to get rid of a feeling of love that does not bring you joy, it is better not to start the process and take up work immediately after breaking up.

How to get rid of unrequited love

Try to understand the problem from the logical side. What do you get by falling in love, are there any advantages to this feeling? After all, in any scenario, even when love is mutual, it brings nothing but unrest. Lovers periodically quarrel, it overwhelms you with negative emotions, but is it worth making your peace of mind dependent on another person?

The heaviest form of slavery is voluntary slavery. Isn't this the form of painful love? You have to spend a lot of nerves and strength, not to mention time, to get rid of love, and what could you get in return, even if this person stayed with you, his indifference?

Look carefully at the object of your passion. Doesn't he have flaws? And over the years, they will only become more noticeable.

The vaccination method works great when it comes to love. In other words, in order not to become seriously ill with love, allow yourself to break away from time to time. Start a small romance, and as soon as it starts to move into a serious phase.

Cut it off mercilessly. After several such experiments, you can be sure that you are reliably insured against love. Just try not to overdo it, because in large doses the medicine can become poison.

Method One: Activity Distraction

Often, people make the mistake of trying to get rid of love and engaging in self-hypnosis such as: “I don’t love him (her) anymore”, “I won’t think about him (her)”, “I’m not interested in anything that is with him (her) ) is connected”, etc. And such auto-training leads to the opposite result.

A person literally zombifies himself with such thoughts, since these attitudes make him return again and again to the memories of the moments experienced and everything connected with them.

Therefore, you should switch your attention and engage in useful activities so that there is no free time left. Go in for sports - physical activity is good for "nothing to think about." In addition, change hobbies, go to the pool, visit cultural places, go on a business trip to another city or abroad, etc.

Method Two: Not Quality, but Quantity

This method is mandatory. Its essence is as follows: start an affair with a man, and preferably not with one. Firstly, among several applicants there are more chances to choose a worthy one, and secondly, this will significantly increase self-esteem and you will gain a lot of positive emotions. Moreover, as practice shows, this method, especially in conjunction with the first, is quite easy, and most importantly, effective.

Third method: "Obsessiveness"

This is a backup way to get rid of love in case the first ones did not help. Obsession consists in the following: to get enough of the image of the "beloved" to such an extent that he is tired of it. To do this, paste his photos everywhere, if possible, listen to his voice until you get bored and want to get rid of him.

Method Four: Shock

A powerful method that turns the object of unhappy love into an antipathetic character. To do this, you need to imagine the image of the “beloved”, and then convince the brain, mocking the image, so that the object of love turns into an ugly repulsive character. This will help you get rid of the feeling of love.

Photoshop will come to the aid of a weak imagination. Mock the photo, and hang the result on the wall and look at it often. To enhance the effect, you can write down on paper all the negative character traits and also re-read them. Imagine various situations and how ugly, unworthy and vulgar your “beloved” could act in them.

And most importantly, remember that the light of the wedge has not converged on anyone, and ahead of you is a mutual wonderful feeling with a worthy person.

How to stop thinking about your loved one when a breakup occurs:

It is very difficult to experience a break with a loved one, especially since this pain is not treated with medications. But we are able to get rid of love and survive everything ourselves, we always have the strength to make our lives better. It is clear that only time can fully change our thoughts, but we must help it and stop thinking about a person. Forgive this person, tell him “thank you”, because it was he who showed you what you are capable of for the sake of love;

Forgive and let go, which means remove everything that reminds you of him out of sight. Yes, he is not with you, but he is alive, he is not crippled, and that's great. After all, you are also alive, and you can be happy at any moment you want;

You should not plunge headlong into work, it’s still of little use, it’s better now to spend a lot of free time on yourself: fitness, beautician, stylist, new friends, trips to amazing places. The surest way to get rid of love and stop thinking about a person is to become the object of a new love. Start attracting her from now on;

Be with loved ones. Your depression has alienated the people closest to you, made you cold. Return warmth to your heart and give it to parents and children;

Don't you dare feel sorry for yourself. You are not disabled. You are a beautiful creature, made for love. To stop thinking about a person, surround yourself with beautiful things, pleasant aromas and interesting people.

Only time will help get rid of unrequited love, not without reason there is a saying “time heals”. Until a certain period of time has passed, for all people it takes different time periods, you cannot completely forget about it.

However, you can help yourself with this, try to get rid of all things that may remind you of your loved one, photos, things, gifts. Talk to your loved ones and ask them to remind you of him. Try to avoid going to places you've been together.

It helps a lot to get rid of love and stop thinking about a person, the motivation to start living in a new way, so to speak, from scratch. You need to change something in your daily life, in your image. Try to change your hairstyle, maybe dye your hair, buy new clothes, engage in self-knowledge and development, go in for sports, sports are great for healing mental wounds, and are also a good help for forming a new life. In the classroom, you will probably meet a new person who will help you forget about your sorrows.

You can safely take care of yourself during this period, think about what you like to do most of all, think about what gives you joy. And allow yourself to deliver these joys. When you become more confident in yourself, you will see that others are looking at you and you will understand that you attract and enchant them.

And when the question of how to stop thinking about your beloved will not bother you, you will begin a new full life, with useful experience behind you.

What to do if you are overwhelmed with feelings:

To stop thinking about a person in this case is not an easy task. It's so wonderful to just lie on the bed and remember the sweetest moments with your loved one. Oh! How many fantasies arise in the head, the soul sings! And everything is collapsing around: the dishes are not being washed, the work is standing, the cat is hungry ... Something is also not very good ... Since you are so inspired and feel that you can do everything, make a list of necessary things and start doing what you are now reluctant to do. The time before meeting with your loved one will pass faster and more profitably, and you will be able to stop thinking about the person for a while;

In moments of spiritual flight from love, we are able to do a lot in our lives, do not miss this opportunity. From time to time, your thoughts will still return to the object of your love, but how much can you do for him, for yourself, for loved ones and become even better in the eyes of your loved one.