Good day dear readers!

In our life, the concept of "egoist" often sounds. Sometimes we are called that, sometimes we call someone that. Most often, the accusation of selfishness can be heard if you do not live up to someone else's expectations and follow your own desires.

By the way, we can say the same to others if they do not do what we want. But in general, you see, there is confusion. It is no longer clear who the egoist is and what to do if he is somewhere near us.

• Who is an egoist: definition
• Pros and cons of being selfish

Who is an egoist: definition

First of all, it is worth understanding what egoism is. Selfishness is a certain behavior of a person, which is characterized by the fact that a person puts his own interests above those of others. It would seem that this is bad?

However, if someone always thinks about their own benefit (the key word here is always), then you will agree that it is not very pleasant to communicate with such a person.

And so, an egoist is a person who cares and thinks only about himself. But, if you think about it, we are all selfish. Just some more and some less.

Normally, a person can sacrifice his principles for the good of another person, if this is not to the detriment of himself. But the difference between a “very big” egoist is that he does not want to give anything away.

In short, his life credo sounds something like this: "Give me everything, and I will give you nothing in return."

The origin of the word is also interesting. What does the word "egoist" mean? It comes from the Latin "ego", which means "I". So it turns out that for the egoist his “I” is the most important thing. He does not know how to give and do something for others.

What is the difference between an egoist and an egocentrist?

By the way, in the literature (especially psychological) the concept of "egocentric" is often found. And you will agree that these two words sound very similar.

There are significant differences! If the egoist notices the needs of others and neglects them, since it is not profitable for him to notice them, then the egocentrist is so immersed in himself and his thoughts that he pays little attention to the world around him.

If it were necessary to explain the difference between egoism and egocentrism in one word, then the egoist considers himself the ONLY one whose needs matter.

And the egocentrist thinks that he is the CENTER of the universe and everything revolves around him, it is for this reason that the egocentrist may not even notice the desires of the people around him.

Why do people become selfish? Most often, the roots of the problem go back to childhood. If the parents immediately fulfilled every whim, then the child is used to the fact that he is always in the first place. Hence the excessive selfishness in adulthood.

Pros and cons of being selfish

Now let's talk about whether it is good or bad to live for yourself, regardless of the needs and opinions of others.

On the one hand, it is difficult to take care of only oneself. Firstly, there are our relatives and friends around us who spend their time and energy on us. And it is quite natural to give them some of your time and effort. If he cares only about himself, then sooner or later all close people move away and a void, a vacuum forms around.

On the other hand, giving everything and doing everything for others all the time is fraught with the fact that your merits (and sometimes sacrifices) are depreciated, and it seems to others that everything is as it should be.

Often this contributes to the development in the neighbor of those very selfish qualities and a disrespectful attitude towards you. So it turns out that by constantly fulfilling the desires of others, you bring up another egoist. Don't you think so?

If now someone, having read the previous paragraph, decided that he gives too much to others and wondered: how to become an egoist, then I hasten to warn you that everyone turns away from narcissistic egoists, from those who do not see anyone but themselves.

Therefore, if you want not only to give, but also to receive, then you need not develop selfishness in yourself, but learn to seek a compromise. If there are people around you who are in love with themselves and are incapable of finding a compromise, then it is better to slowly begin to change your environment.

They called me an egoist: what to do

Before you think about how not to be selfish, I suggest you think about something else: are you really selfish or have you simply not done what was expected of you. If you have the second option, then accept my congratulations - you are not selfish. Just in this way they are trying to put pressure on your feelings of guilt or pity.

If the first option seems more appropriate, then the situation is more complicated. But since you are still reading this article, it means that you have made a decision to change something in your relationship with people.

And so, how not to be selfish in relationships with others:

• Do at least one good and (most importantly!) selfless deed every day. For example, you can take your grandmother across the road or feed a stray cat;

• Practice active listening when interacting with people. To do this, you need to ask questions as the story progresses, to be interested in what the narrator feels, what gestures he uses. In general, immerse yourself in the story of another person as much as possible;
• What to do if you are selfish? Be part of the team. An ideal option if the result of teamwork should be participation in some kind of competition. In this case, a sense of collectivism and unwillingness to lose will help curb your "I";
• Try to talk less about yourself. If at first your loved one cannot immediately recognize eulogies, then upon arrival at the company you can simply be silent at first. And then get involved in the conversation.

Good answers to everyday questions on the topic of selfishness are given by Archpriest Yevgeny Afanasiev, rector of the temple of the holy righteous warrior Fyodor Ushakov. Often you do not notice selfish inclinations in yourself, but they are there.

It is possible to get rid of selfishness. However, don't overdo it. The norm in the dose. After all, there must be some things that we can’t give up!

How to behave with an egoist: rules of communication

In order to communicate with an egoist, you need to know a few basic rules:

• Be honest with yourself and remember that a selfish person will never think about your problems in the first place. Therefore, if you are ready to accept it, then communicate with him accordingly, without expecting anything impossible;
• Don't deprive yourself of attention. Yes, yes, just yourself. A selfish person wants all of your time to be theirs. Therefore, when communicating with such a person, you should constantly remember about yourself and your needs;
• Don't let yourself feel guilty. Yes, of course, such people know how to make us think that we are guilty of something. However, before you wallow in self-flagellation, consider whether you really should have (and could) do something;
• It is not necessary to figure out how to teach such an individual a lesson. Just, if necessary, firmly tell him that the world does not revolve around him. But trying to avenge such behavior, you will only contribute to the development of guilt in yourself;
• Reduce the amount of attention. For example, instead of showing sympathy and pity in the most ordinary situation, you can say: “Life is such, what can you do!”.

Attention! You can do this only if the situation is not serious and there is a desire to get attention, not help.

• Stop always making concessions to them and providing services. If you continue to do this, then the attitude towards you will remain consumerist.

And one more thing: if you feel that it is impossible to establish a relationship with a selfish person, and you feel uncomfortable at the same time, then it is better to think about ending the relationship.

In this situation, either you adapt, or the person's attitude towards you changes. Therefore, if there is no change in the relationship and you can no longer withstand it, then maybe it’s enough to mock your nervous system already?

So, today we talked about what the word “egoist” means and what to do if you need to communicate with such a person.

In the following materials, we will continue to develop this topic and figure out how to live with an egoistic partner and how to raise a child so that he does not grow up as an egoist.

And for today I have everything. If the material was useful to you, do not forget to share it with your friends on social networks, help each other in life situations.

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All the best to you!

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Practicing psychologist Maria Dubynina was with you

the value orientation of the subject, characterized by the predominance of selfish personal interests and needs in the life activity, regardless of the interests of other people and social groups. Manifestations of selfishness are inherent in the attitude towards another person as an object and means of achieving selfish goals. The development of egoism and its transformation into the dominant orientation of the personality are explained by serious defects in education. If the tactics of family education is objectively aimed at consolidating such manifestations as inflated self-esteem and egocentrism of the child, then he can form a stable value orientation, in which only his own interests, needs, experiences, etc. are taken into account. In adulthood, such a concentration on one's own self, selfishness and complete indifference to the inner world of another person or to a social group can lead to alienation - the experience of loneliness in a hostile world. In many psychological and ethical-psychological concepts adopted in the West, egoism is unreasonably regarded as an innate property of a person, thanks to which the protection of his life is ensured. In everyday usage, selfishness appears as the opposite of altruism. Breeding into opposite poles of egoism and altruism reflects the initial opposition of I and They. The historically progressive trend is associated with the removal of the antagonism of I and They by the unifying principle We: what a person does for others is equally useful to him and others, since it is useful for the society to which he belongs. So, if we keep in mind the socio-psychological patterns of behavior of an individual in a team, then the alternative egoism-altruism turns out to be imaginary. The real alternative is to oppose to both egoism and altruism such behavior when the subject effectively relates to others as to himself, and to himself as to all others in the collective (-> collective identification).

EGOISM

A personality trait or mental state in which one's own interests are in the foreground, the desire to acquire personal advantages and avoid inconvenience, deprivation, self-care. It is observed both in mentally healthy people with appropriate character traits, and in psychopathy and some mental illnesses (the initial stages of mental disorders of late age, schizophrenia, etc.).

selfishness

egoism). Motivation (probably underlying all behavior) to improve one's own well-being. The opposite of altruism, which aims to increase the well-being of others.

EGOISM

In the simplest terms, self-interest. Therefore: 1. Designation of the point of view according to which such self-interest is the basis of all behavior (cf. altruism). 2. The tendency to behave only (or to a large extent) in accordance with personal interests. Wed with egotism.

selfishness

lat. ego - I] - the value orientation of the subject, characterized by the predominance of self-serving personal interests and needs in his life, regardless of the interests of other people and social groups. Manifestations of E. inherent in the attitude of the subject to another person as an object and a means of achieving selfish goals. The development of E. and its transformation into the dominant orientation of the personality is explained by serious defects in the upbringing of the individual. If the tactics of family education is objectively aimed at strengthening such manifestations as high self-esteem and egocentrism of the child’s personality, then a stable value orientation can be formed in him, in which only his own interests, needs, experiences, etc. are taken into account. In adulthood, such a concentration on own I, selfishness and complete indifference to the inner world of another person or social group can lead to alienation as an experience by the subject of loneliness in a world hostile to him. In many psychological and ethical-psychological concepts, E. is unreasonably regarded as an innate property of a person, due to which the protection of his life is supposedly ensured. In everyday usage, e. acts as the opposite of altruism. Breeding on the opposite poles of E. and altruism reflects the original unlawful opposition of I and THEY, as supposedly the only possible one. The historically progressive trend is associated with the removal of the antagonism of I and THEM by the uniting principle We: what is done by a person for others is equally useful to him and others, since it is useful for the community to which he belongs. Thus, if we keep in mind the socio-psychological patterns of personality behavior, then the alternative "either E., or altruism" turns out to be false. The true alternative to E. and altruism is collectivist identification. A.V. Petrovsky, V.V. Abramenkov

EGOISM

manifestation of a person's interest in himself, characterized by focusing on his desires, inclinations, his own world as a whole.

The idea of ​​egoism was contained in the first fundamental work of Z. Freud, The Interpretation of Dreams (1900). In it, he not only drew attention to selfish dreams in which the dreamer's own self appears, but also emphasized the fact that young children are extremely selfish. "The child is absolutely selfish, he intensely experiences his needs and irresistibly seeks to satisfy them - especially against his rivals, other children, and especially against his brothers and sisters." At the same time, Z. Freud expressed the idea, according to which there is reason to hope that even during the period of childhood “altruistic inclinations and morality will wake up in the little egoist”, although the moral feeling is not awakened simultaneously along the entire line and the duration of the immoral childhood period is different for individual individuals.

In his work "On Narcissism" (1914), the founder of psychoanalysis raised the issue of the relationship between feelings of displeasure, selfishness, love and neurotic illness. Determining this ratio involved identifying the psychological need to transcend the boundaries of narcissism and focus libido on external objects of love. And although the work itself did not draw a clear distinction between narcissism and selfishness, nevertheless, it expressed the idea that “strong selfishness protects against illness, but, in the end, it is necessary to start loving in order not to get sick, and it remains only to get sick when, as a result of your insolvency, you are deprived of the opportunity to love.

In "Lectures on Introduction to Psychoanalysis" (1916/17), Z. Freud tried to answer the question of how the concepts of narcissism and egoism differ. He believed that narcissism is the libidinal complement of selfishness. When speaking of egoism, one usually has in mind the benefit to the individual, while when speaking of narcissism, one also takes into account his libidinal satisfaction. According to the founder of psychoanalysis, it is possible to be completely selfish and yet have strong sexual attachments to objects. This attachment is explained by the fact that sexual satisfaction from the object is related to needs. "Egoism will then see to it that the striving for the object does not harm the ego." But it is possible to be selfish and yet very narcissistic, that is, to have little need for an object. Nevertheless, in all these respects, "selfishness is a matter of course, constant, narcissism is a changing element."

The opposite of selfishness is altruism, which does not coincide with sexual attachment to objects and differs from it in the absence of desire for sexual satisfaction. However, with a strong love altruism can coincide with sexual attachment to objects, which is most often the case with sexual overestimation of it. If an altruistic transfer from egoism to a sexual object is added to this, then, as Z. Freud believed, the sexual object becomes powerful and, as it were, absorbs the I.

The problem of selfishness, selfishness and human love for other people was reflected in the studies of E. Fromm (1900–1980). In the article “Egoism and Selfishness” (1939) and in the book “Man for Himself” (1947), he noted the discrepancy between the fact that modern culture is permeated with a ban on selfishness and at the same time the teaching that it is a sin to be selfish is contrary to the practical situation. affairs in Western society, where selfishness is a powerful and justified incentive for a person. Such a discrepancy rests on the views of thinkers who see love for others as an alternative to love for oneself. At the same time, some thinkers (Calvin, Luther) perceived self-love as a sin, while others (Nietzsche, Stirner) declared egoism, selfishness and self-love a virtue. The German philosopher Kant made a distinction between the egoism of selfishness (reverence for oneself) and the egoism of self-satisfaction (satisfaction with oneself). And yet, for many thinkers of the past, the problem of the relationship between self-love and love for others remained an insoluble antinomy.

E. Fromm proceeded from the fact that throwing between two dogmas (egoism as sin, evil and as virtue, good) harms the process of personality integration and is one of the sources of spiritual discord of modern man. In his opinion, love for oneself and love for other people are not mutually exclusive. “The idea expressed in the biblical commandment “love your neighbor as yourself” implies that respect for your own integrity and uniqueness, love for yourself and understanding of your Self are inseparable from respect, love and understanding of another person.” But how to explain self-love, which excludes a sincere interest in other people? The answer to this question is not difficult, if we bear in mind that self-love is one thing, and self-love is another.

According to E. Fromm, "self-love and self-love are not only not identical, but also directly opposite." A selfish person is not able to love either others or himself. If a man is capable of fruitful love, he loves himself also, and if he can only love others, he is not capable of love at all. The failure of modern culture lies not in the principle of individualism and excessive human egoism, but in the distortion of the meaning of personal interest. It is not that people are too focused on their personal interest, but that they are not focused enough on the interests of their real self. In a word, the failure of modern culture is not that people are too selfish, selfish, but that "They don't love themselves." Ultimately, it turns out that in reality the egoist not only ignores other people, but also hates himself, while true love presupposes the ability to love both himself and others.

EGOISM

from lat. ego - i) - the value orientation of the subject, characterized by the predominance of self-serving personal interests and needs in his life, regardless of the interests of other people and social groups. The development of E. and its transformation into the dominant orientation of the personality is explained by serious defects in education. In the ordinary sense, E. acts as the opposite of altruism. Breeding on the opposite poles of E. and altruism reflects the original illegitimate opposition of I and They, as supposedly the only possible one. The historically progressive trend is associated with the removal of the antagonism of I and They by the unifying principle We: what a person does for others is equally useful to him and others, since it is useful for the community to which he belongs. Thus, if we keep in mind the socio-psychological patterns of personality behavior, then the alternative “either E., or altruism” turns out to be false. The true alternative to E. and altruism is collectivist identification. E. is a frequent source of conflict, since a selfish person regularly harms other people without noticing it or not paying attention to it. Prevention of the formation of selfish character traits is an important condition for the prevention of conflicts.

selfishness

from lat. ego - I] - a predominantly value orientation of a person to satisfy their individual interests and needs without regard to what consequences this will have for other people. As a pronounced personal orientation, egoism begins to form at fairly early stages of an individual's ascent to personal maturity, primarily as a result of the implementation of incorrect educational models. At the same time, both the systematically implemented dictatorship, and overprotectiveness and the conniving style of interaction between adults and a child and a teenager, in fact, equally lay the foundation for personal egocentrism, deformation of the scale of values ​​of a developing personality, when she sees and evaluates the world only through the prism of her desires and individualistic , sometimes frankly mercantile interests, and either considers the surrounding people as passive objects of its influence, or presents it as a convenient means to achieve its goals. Personal egoism, as a rule, is associated with inadequately high self-esteem and the level of claims, with a refusal to take responsibility for failures and with attributing undeserved successes to oneself, with a predominantly external locus of control, often with authoritarianism and the desire for dominance, etc. And in special literature, and in everyday life the concept of "egoism" is often used as an antonym of the concept of "altruism". But in this case, as in the attempt to oppose conformism and nonconformism in terms of content, the claimed alternative turns out to be false. So, if personal self-determination in a group acts as a real psychological counterbalance to conformism and non-conformism, collectivist identification turns out to be a real psychological counterweight to both egoism and altruism. It is only the last personal position that is built not on the individual’s ideas about his alienation from society, not on the opposition of “they” and “I” (in the case of egocentrism, “the main thing is that it’s good for me, but what happens to others doesn’t matter to me”, in in the case of altruism - “the main thing is that it would be good for the other, but the fact that it will be worse for me is not important”), but on the vision of a commonality of interests, goals, desires, etc., which both “they” and “ I", and thus "we".

Since, both in domestic and foreign socio-psychological science, the problem of the alternative of the "altruism-egoism" and collectivist identification of a person remains poorly developed in theoretical terms, the almost complete absence of empirical research on this issue seems quite natural. Moreover, if altruism, somewhat broadly, in our opinion, is defined as “... actions associated with the voluntary provision of assistance to a person in the absence of expectations that they will entail any rewards, except perhaps the feeling of doing a good deed”1 , has long been the object of numerous, including experimental, studies in foreign social psychology, then egoism, as a rule, is most often considered mainly from philosophical and ethical positions. At the same time, often the arguments of certain authors on this topic are frankly moralizing and, moreover, sanctimonious in nature. Unfortunately, in recent years this trend has become most stable in Russian psychology and related disciplines due to the emergence of such specific, but at the same time claiming to be universal, trends, such as "spiritual-oriented psychology", "Orthodox psychology" and etc.

The greatest amount of relevant empirical data on the problem of the centering of the personality on one's own interests has been accumulated within the framework of the psychoanalytic approach. Although traditionally studied in psychoanalysis, narcissism and egoism are not identical concepts, in their phenomenological manifestations they are certainly close. Thus, in one of the first psychoanalytic works entirely devoted to the problem of narcissism, The God Complex, its author E. Jones “...described a type of person characterized by exhibitionism, alienation, emotional unavailability, fantasies of omnipotence, overestimation of one’s creative abilities and a tendency to condemn others." ... He described these people as individuals on the continuum of mental health from psychotic to normal, noting that "when such a person becomes mentally ill, he clearly and openly demonstrates delusions, which is really God." In this regard, as N. McWilliams notes, “unlike antisocial personalities, whose problems are obvious and cost society dearly and therefore inspire scientific research on psychopathy, narcissistic individuals are completely different, often elusive in their pathology and cause not so obvious harm to society. Successful narcissists (in terms of money, socially, politically, militarily, etc.) can inspire admiration and a desire to compete with them. The intrinsic cost of narcissistic hunger is rarely perceived by the observer, and the harm done to others by pursuing narcissistically structured projects can be rationalized and explained as a natural and inevitable product of competition: The wood is cut, the chips fly...”2.

If, nevertheless, we try to separate selfishness proper from narcissism, then, first of all, we should note the total dependence of the narcissistic personality on the opinions of others. Despite the fact that their own interests for such individuals certainly come first, while the interests of others are ignored, they are extremely concerned about how they look. The social environment in this scheme serves as a kind of "mirror" in which the narcissistic personality is constantly looking for confirmation of his own exclusivity and grandiosity. This is due, as a rule, to the unfavorable resolution of the second basic crisis of psychosocial development and the typical alienation of this stage - pathological self-awareness. This conclusion of E. Erickson has been confirmed in modern studies conducted within the framework of the classical psychoanalytic paradigm. As N. McWilliams notes, “shame and envy are constantly emphasized in the clinical literature as the main emotions associated with the narcissistic organization of the personality. The subjective experience of narcissistic people is steeped in shame and the fear of feeling shame. Early analysts underestimated the strength of this emotional set, often misinterpreting it as guilt and making guilt-oriented interpretations (which patients perceived as non-empathic). Guilt is the conviction that you have sinned or committed a crime; it is easily conceptualized in terms of the inner critical parent or superego. Shame is the feeling that you are seen as bad and wrong; the observer in this case is outside his own "I". Guilt is created by a sense of the active possibility of doing evil, while shame has the additional meaning of helplessness, ugliness, and impotence.

The vulnerability of narcissistic personalities to envy is a related phenomenon. If I am convinced inwardly that I have some shortcomings and that my inadequacy can always be exposed, I become jealous of those who seem to be content or have those virtues that (I think) could contribute to what I am deprived of. ... If I feel a shortage of something and it seems to me that you have it all, I can try to destroy what you have, expressing regret, contempt, or through criticism.

Unlike narcissism, selfishness in itself does not imply such internal vulnerability and total dependence on an external subject. In this sense, it is legitimate to consider it as a much more universal and, moreover, healthy phenomenon, which is a derivative of the sense of self-preservation inherent in all people. An individual with a clearly expressed egoistic personal orientation (if he does not suffer from narcissism at the same time) does not depend on external, but, on the contrary, on internal assessment, he is interested in comparing himself not with the social environment, but with certain internal ideas about success, proper behavior, etc. ., inherent in the ideal "I".

It is for this reason that, if we return to the consideration of the “altruism-egoism” link as a single bipolar continuum, with all the outward similarity of the manifestations of egoism and narcissism, narcissistic personalities are usually incapable of helping others if such actions are associated with real serious efforts and risk. , and also do not promise public recognition. At the same time, as a number of studies show, selfish motives often underlie typically altruistic actions. An example of this kind is a study conducted by a group of American social psychologists in the 80s. last century. They “...conducted in-depth interviews with 32 volunteers who had previously been active in preventing dangerous criminal episodes such as bank robberies, armed attacks and street robberies. The reactions of these "good Samaritans" were compared with the reactions of a group of persons similar in sex, age, education and ethnic origin, who also witnessed similar episodes, but did not attempt to intervene. The most important result of the survey in the context of the issues under consideration was that “... compared to people who did not try to intervene, “good Samaritans” more often noted their physical strength, aggressiveness and adherence to principles. They also excelled them in combat skills or the ability to provide primary medical care. In their decision to come to the aid of the victim, they were guided not so much by humanistic considerations, but by ideas of their own ability and responsibility, based on their experience and physical strength.

Even more illustrative results were obtained in the course of a study undertaken by M. Schneider and A. Omto of the motives for participating in volunteer activities related to the provision of assistance to AIDS patients. At the same time, the researchers tried to establish the reasons why some volunteers are engaged in such altruistic activities for a long time, while others quickly leave the movement. It turned out that one of the most significant factors of this kind are "the initial reasons that prompted people to get involved in volunteering ...". At the same time, “most individuals who cited improved self-esteem and self-improvement as reasons continued to engage in it after one year. The researchers believe that these somewhat "selfish" desires - to feel better about yourself and learn more about AIDS - seem to be more helpful in staying committed to volunteering over time." In general, according to S. Taylor and his colleagues, “these and other studies indicate the complex nature of the reasons for volunteering, which often combine both genuine altruism and the pursuit of self-interest. The desire to help people and the expression of commitment to one's inner values ​​are important reasons for a person to participate in volunteering. However, it also contains an opportunity to acquire new skills, meet new people and improve your self-image.

From what has been said, it is clear that the bipolar continuum "altruism - egoism" requires further serious study in the logic of the dialectical approach to this phenomenon. At the same time, attempts to replace this kind of research with speculative evaluative interpretations of a rather complex socio-psychological reality, which, as a rule, are based on religious dogmas in an extremely simplified voluntaristic interpretation, due to the next ideological order, are completely unacceptable.

A practical social psychologist, as one of his own professional tasks, must see, on the one hand, the destruction of those socio-psychological conditions that contribute to the formation of both egoism and altruism (especially in the form of painfully exalted self-sacrifice), and on the other hand, the creation and the development of such a form of interaction, which would imply true cooperation as a prerequisite for success, in the process of implementation of which such a personal-value orientation as collectivist identification is formed.

In psychology, as in life, there is very little that can be said without even a little bit of uncertainty. Around there are only some assumptions, hypotheses and conjectures. In psychology, there are many theories of personality, even more theories of the onset of depression and neurosis, and even psychotherapy techniques ... However, all psychological theories are in solidarity with each other in at least one important fundamental principle.

Both Christian morality, upbringing, and even more so social norms teach us from the cradle that it is necessary to take care of the people around us, help the weak, take care of relatives, resist dictatorship and tyranny. We are constantly told that the highest achievement of a person is a feat that he performed for the benefit of the whole world. Our children's books contain tales of those heroes who were not afraid to give their lives in order to save other people. We are told that we should experience a twinge of guilt for any manifestation of selfishness. It doesn't matter if he's neurotic or healthy. But how often do we think: who is the egoist? When can a person be considered an egoist?

Egoists... Who is this?

The word "selfishness" comes from the Latin word ego, which means "I". Most often, this concept is interpreted as "selfishness" or, in other words, behavior that is entirely determined by the thought of one's own benefit and benefit, preference for one's interests and desires of others.

Egoism is divided into rational and irrational. In the first case, a person evaluates the possible consequences of his actions and acts, evaluating the expediency. And in the second case, the actions of the egoist are short-sighted and impulsive, that is, a person is guided solely by his desires, goals and interests.

Are there types of selfishness?

Psychologists say that there are two types of egoism: active and passive.

An active egoist is often well versed in the world around him, knows perfectly well how to make people pleasant and say the necessary compliments at the same time. However, talking with him, you can understand in ten minutes that the person did all this in order to achieve his own selfish goals. For this, he is ready to make any sacrifices, for example, to show hypocrisy, give a bribe, and even sacrifice his own reputation.

But the passive egoist has a completely different line of behavior. They tend to just do nothing for others. It is easier for them to achieve their goals, going "over their heads", and at the same time act arrogantly and rudely. Often, people around them quickly enough understand their true nature, as a result of which they begin to avoid them. Therefore, passive egoists in most cases simply become lonely, without friends and relatives on whom one could rely.

Reasonable or healthy selfishness - is it possible?

Of course. Reasonable egoism is nothing but the call of our soul. The main problem is that an adult who is exceptionally “normal” can no longer hear the voice of that very natural egoism. What comes to his consciousness under the guise of egoism is only pathological narcissism, which is the result of long suppressed impulses of rational egoism.

Selfishness and selfishness: what's the difference?

Selfishness is more a sensation or a feeling than a system of behavior. It is undoubtedly one of the components of selfishness, and it is selfishness that is completely based on how we perceive our own Self, the benefits that we bring to society, and also the preference of our interests to the desires of the people around us.

It can be said that egoists are painfully proud, since they are the owners of extreme degrees of self-esteem and are very critical of individuals who try to challenge their superiority.

How do I know if I'm selfish or not?

Such a character trait as selfishness is often invisible due to the fact that people rarely listen carefully to what others tell them. Why? Because they are busy listening only to themselves. Why? Because it's nice, which means it's good.

However, if the egoist would be a little more open to the world around him and would be more attentive to his soul, then he would certainly pay attention to how much inconvenience he causes to loved ones or work colleagues.

Egoists are people who rarely notice that they bring people around just a lot of problems. And how can they understand this if they are selfish? The answer is simple: you just need to listen and look closely. Perhaps the egoist has been told for a long time that he does not have the habit of making his bed, maybe he has been asked for something for a month, but he only brushes it off and refers to the fact that he is very busy and does not have enough time for all sorts of nonsense.

Therefore, if a large number of people dissatisfied with your behavior have accumulated around you, this is a reason to think. Excessive touchiness can also be a signal that selfishness has taken root in you.

Diagnosis: selfish. Is it good or bad?

First of all, selfishness is a product of the natural instinct of self-preservation.

If you look from the point of view of ethics, then this is good, because then the need for egoism is determined by the value of human life. This quality is necessary in order to realize one's values ​​and realize them, to fulfill one's moral duty, which consists in bringing the existing skills and knowledge to perfection.

But looking from an ethical point of view, egoists are those who give someone else's life less value than their own. In this case, only the mad and the dead are unselfish.

Thus, in some situations, you may not feel guilty about striving to achieve your goal. Of course, if it does not turn into a habit, because in everything you need to know when to stop. Be a self-sufficient person and don't let your self-esteem suffer from what others think of you.

I have to communicate with an egoist ...

Naturally, it is often extremely difficult to communicate with such people, because they are absorbed exclusively in themselves and, accordingly, hear only themselves. Egoists need listeners, not interlocutors. In addition, it is desirable that the listener be admired and fully support the egoist in his plans and aspirations.

You have two ways to build a relationship with this person. The first is to immediately begin to criticize his views, to remind him of past miscalculations and existing shortcomings. In this case, you have a chance to get rid of the egoist for a long time, if not forever.

However, if you do not want to spoil the relationship, then you should choose the second line of behavior, namely, start praising a colleague, flatter and compliment. Having convinced the interlocutor that he is “the one and only,” interrupt the conversation under the pretext of urgent matters. Then the selfish person will remember you as a reasonable and pleasant conversationalist.

I'm in love with an egoist. What should I do?

If you can, run away from him as soon as possible. Why? Because otherwise your woman or selfish man will only do harm. You will have to completely dissolve into your partner and at the same time lose yourself as an individual and as a person. An egoist is a person who does not tolerate next to him someone who has his own opinion, views, ideals, principles and interests, or who is critical of the egoist.

However, if you are firmly convinced that your chosen one is truly exceptional, then you simply will not notice that your life has ceased to belong to you and revolves only around the interests of your partner and his desires.

Egoists are people who are not capable of real self-sacrifice and love. All of them consider themselves extremely intelligent and, most importantly, capable individuals. Consequently, they are always right, and all those around are fools who know nothing and are worth nothing, and they are always to blame and always owe something to the egoist.

Selfish natures are simply not able to create strong close relationships that would be based on the love and trust of both parties. And without such a relationship, true friendship and love cannot be achieved. That is why egoists are deprived of the opportunity to enjoy family happiness and cannot understand this themselves.

Is it possible to re-educate an egoist?

Possibly, but only in rare cases. If an egoist is a person experiencing a strong shock or, perhaps, even grief, then there is hope that he will understand: people around him also live who have their own desires, feelings, worries, problems, dreams. But it is almost impossible to remake an adult person, unless he wants to change himself and asks for your help, while applying his efforts and strength. Therefore, if your partner really loves you, is afraid of losing you and is ready to change for you, then there will undoubtedly be relapses. You just have to be patient.

1 Since people live in society, they cannot do without relationships. However, the characters of all are quite different, and sometimes there are individuals with whom you do not want to maintain any relationship. This category of citizens includes a subspecies of a person who is called Egoist, which means you can read a little below.
However, before continuing, I would like to recommend you a few more informative articles on the subject of education. For example, what does Entourage mean, how to understand the word Concept, what is Sur, what does the term Tilt mean, etc.
So let's continue what does egoist mean? This term was borrowed from Latin ego", and translates as "I". What does egoism mean?

selfishness- this is such an attitude to life in which a person feels himself the center of the universe, and is not able to give up this feeling

Egoist- this word refers to a person who considers himself the navel of the universe, he cares only about his own interests, and treats everyone else with complete indifference, including relatives

Antonym of the word Egoist: altruist.

selfish- this is a girl who realized herself as a beauty, and from that moment, only she herself becomes the love of her life. Strange as it may seem, but men from such persons simply lose their heads

Girls, if you are obedient, and turn out to be an open book for your MCH, and your whole appearance will express only one thing: " I will do everything for you, dear, I will give you, I will bring you, I will clean up after you, and I will love you, as in pronofilms", then you will not have time to blink an eye, how the MCH will treat neglect. He will quickly cool down, and will soon leave you. Therefore, the conclusion here is simple, always stay bitches, although you still need to know the measure.

As for Selfishness in general, people will always treat themselves better than others, they will be obsessed with their own selfish interests. Individuals who have selfishness begins to go off scale, there is a disregard for someone else's pain, grief, and such feelings as empathy and sympathy simply atrophy.

In addition, it must be recognized that although egoists are condemned by society, but the basis of any action and knowledge is fixated on our inner "I", that is, all emotions are colored by egoism.

People and selfishness, this concept is inseparable, and as long as humanity exists, selfishness will flourish and prosper. You need to understand that indifference to your neighbors, attachment to your things, lack of pity is only an external side. selfishness. Usually, people are called / called names egoists when their behavior and actions are contrary to the norms generally accepted in this society.

Usually, selfishness grows on the basis of vanity, greed, and indefatigable ambitions, and the main goal of the egoist is the achievement of personal power and self-affirmation. In a capitalist society, selfishness is considered the norm, for example in the USA, inflation his "I" has reached pathological proportions, which negatively affects American society as a whole. As a result, most citizens express an intolerable desire to obsessively demonstrate their importance.

by Notes of the Wild Mistress

What is selfishness, each of us has a clear idea. This is a position, a person’s behavior, completely focused on his own “I”, on his pleasure, benefit, success, that is, the highest good for an egoist is the satisfaction of his own, personal interests.

The egoist will object - what's wrong with that? In the end, every person wants to feel good, pleasant, comfortable! And those who claim otherwise are lying. In general, there is nothing wrong with selfishness - this is a natural sense of self-preservation that is inherent in every person. But the difference between selfishness and selfishness lies in the fact that an egoist often satisfies his personal interests to the detriment of the interests of another person, while with selfishness a person’s concern for his own welfare may not contradict the welfare of other people, moreover, be combined with it, serve for benefit to everyone.

Egoism is hypertrophied self-conceit, which is based on complete indifference to the inner world of another person, which is considered by the egoist exclusively as a means to satisfy his own needs and achieve personal goals.

The manifestation of selfishness is varied. It can manifest itself as a conviction that "everything should serve my interests." It happens that a person believes that everyone should follow moral principles, except for him, if it is simply unprofitable for him at any given moment. There are also people who firmly believe that everyone is allowed to have their own interests and pursue personal goals, as they please, at any cost. “The end justifies the means” is for egoists, moreover, such a law only works for them, and not for those around them.

As a rule, selfishness is a consequence of improper upbringing in the family. If a child is instilled with a consciousness of his own exclusivity, supports an overestimated self-esteem and egocentrism of the individual, then he can form a stable value orientation, in which only his own interests, needs, experiences, etc. are taken into account.

When a child becomes an adult, his concentration only on himself, his own desires and complete indifference to others can lead to loneliness, to a feeling of hostility of the world around him. The same feelings and selfishness can arise in a child who, from childhood, has been confronted with the indifference of parents and others. He begins to think that, apart from him, no one will take care of his needs and further puts them at the forefront in all manifestations.

First of all, those who themselves gave birth to it - parents - suffer from someone else's egoism. Having nurtured their child without denying anything, they, having grown old, begin to be surprised that apart from their own desires and needs, their child has no other interests, and indifference, indifference to parental problems and worries hurts them painfully, making them lonely in old age, and often also poor because of cramped material conditions. Surely each of us has examples of such an attitude of children to their own parents.

It is not easier in families where one of the spouses is an egoist. It is difficult to live with a person who puts his own "I" in the first place and is convinced that everything around him was created only to satisfy his needs, and the people around him are only a means to achieve his goals. The world should revolve around an egoist, and woe if someone dares to stand next to him - the punishment follows immediately, whether it be a quarrel, reproaches, scandals, or some other measures. Moreover, in quarrels and reproaches, the egoist, most often, reproaches others for indifference and selfishness.

It is extremely difficult to talk with such people, because your interlocutor does not hear you, he is absorbed only in his own thoughts, only in himself. He needs a listener, not a dialogue, moreover, an admiring listener who agrees in everything and supports his position. Often, these people are leaders, strong natures, able to captivate those who have a weaker character. And there is a danger of falling under the influence of your interlocutor: he can take you into circulation, pass off his own interests as yours, and perhaps successfully manipulate your opinion.

At the same time, egoists are very vulnerable people, they are painfully proud, but they are so focused on themselves that they may not notice the hostility, irony or even mockery of others. What to do if you are forced to communicate with such a person, for example, at work? There are two options for developing relationships. The first will allow you to get rid of an egocentric interlocutor for a long time, if not forever - just start discussing his miscalculations and shortcomings. As soon as your colleague begins to praise his achievements and indulge in narcissism, immediately remind him of the mistakes he made and the consequences that these mistakes led to. After such a remark, your interlocutor will immediately want to interrupt the conversation that is unpleasant for him. Moreover, he will not wish to enter into a conversation with you for a long time.

If you do not want to spoil the relationship, but are already tired of talking, start praising the talents and achievements of your interlocutor, sparing no words and effort. Flattery and compliments are a balm for the soul of an egoist. Having convinced a colleague of your exceptionally respectful attitude, you can end the conversation by referring to urgent matters - he will remember you for a long time as a pleasant, intelligent and interesting person.

But what if you fell in love with an egoist? If you have the strength, run away from it, because otherwise you will have to completely dissolve in it, losing yourself as a person. An egoist will not tolerate a person with his own views, interests, principles, or a critical person next to him. If you believe in the exclusivity of your partner, you will not notice that your whole life revolves around him and his desires. But do you have enough strength?

Is it possible to re-educate an egoist? Perhaps it is possible if he experiences a strong shock and realizes that there are also living people around him with their desires, feelings, worries and problems. It is almost impossible to remake an adult, unless he himself will make every effort and effort. So, even if your partner, afraid of losing you and really falling in love, is ready to get rid of selfishness, there will definitely be relapses, so be patient!