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Since people live in society, they cannot do without relationships. However, the characters of all are quite different, and sometimes there are individuals with whom you do not want to maintain any relationship. To this category of citizens can be attributed a subspecies of a person who is called Egoist, which means you can read a little below.
However, before continuing, I would like to recommend you a few more informative articles on the subject of education. For example, what does Entourage mean, how to understand the word Concept, what is Sur, what does the term Tilt mean, etc.
So let's continue what does egoist mean? This term was borrowed from Latin ego", and translates as "I". What does egoism mean?
selfishness- this is such an attitude to life in which a person feels himself the center of the universe, and is not able to give up this feeling
Egoist- this word refers to a person who considers himself the navel of the universe, he cares only about his own interests, and treats everyone else with complete indifference, including relatives
Antonym of the word Egoist: altruist.
selfish- this is a girl who realized herself as a beauty, and from that moment, only she herself becomes the love of her life. Strange as it may seem, but men from such persons simply lose their heads
Girls, if you are obedient, and turn out to be an open book for your MCH, and your whole appearance will express only one thing: " I will do everything for you, dear, I will give you, I will bring you, I will clean up after you, and I will love you, as in pronofilms", then you will not have time to blink an eye, how the MCH will treat neglect. He will quickly cool down, and will soon leave you. Therefore, the conclusion here is simple, always stay bitches, although you still need to know the measure.
As for Selfishness in general, people will always treat themselves better than others, they will be obsessed with their own selfish interests. Individuals who have selfishness begins to go off scale, there is a disregard for someone else's pain, grief, and such feelings as empathy and sympathy simply atrophy.
In addition, it must be recognized that although egoists are condemned by society, but the basis of any action and knowledge is fixated on our inner "I", that is, all emotions are colored by egoism.
People and selfishness, this concept is inseparable, and as long as humanity exists, selfishness will flourish and prosper. You need to understand that indifference to your neighbors, attachment to your things, lack of pity is only an external side. selfishness. Usually, people are called / called names egoists when their behavior and actions are contrary to the generally accepted norms in this society.
Usually, selfishness grows on the basis of vanity, greed, and indefatigable ambitions, and the main goal of the egoist is the achievement of personal power and self-affirmation. In a capitalist society, selfishness is considered the norm, for example in the USA, inflation his "I" has reached pathological proportions, which negatively affects American society as a whole. As a result, most citizens express an intolerable desire to obsessively demonstrate their importance.
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Selfishness is a quality of character and a person's desire for obvious or veiled superiority over others and personal power, solely for the realization of their selfish desires or personal gain. Unwillingness to give a piece of yourself or yours. This is the lack of love for the other.
Manifestations and properties of Egoism
Egoism, as a quality of personality, is manifested in the feelings, consciousness, subconsciousness, actions and deeds of a person. Most clearly Egoism manifests itself through, Rivalry, thirst for Power,.
Selfishness is a complete lack of Love for another person. The exception is your own children. Selfishness is a sense of self as a person. This feeling works in two directions: or live for someone or only for yourself.
Very often, egoism turns into deep disappointment with life, and loneliness.
Unlike the inner world of human consciousness, in the material world, a person has to adapt to the conditions when most people live for themselves and material wealth.
The instrument of adaptation is the false ego, which permeates the consciousness and feelings of a person. The False Ego captures all the properties of a person's character, subordinating thoughts, actions, sensual pleasures only for its own sake. There are two extremes and two different poles of Egoism, which are called Egoism and Altruism.
True Ego - Altruism
An altruist is a person who unselfishly helps others, based on the action of the so-called true Ego.
To be consistent, the Altruist manifests healthy forms of Egoism, living for the sake of others. There are some shortcomings here, which include stopping in one's own path of development and improvement as a person. Altruism can not be attributed to the ideal and say that it is very good. A person on his life path is always at a certain point on the Egoism-Altruism scale, and this is more correct.
In the case of Altruism, the consciousness and soul of a person, even theoretically, cannot imagine how one can find Happiness, living only for the sake of satisfying one's desires.
A person with such attitudes as Altruism always imagines that true Happiness is achieved when he brought joy to other people, did something pleasant and useful for them. What joy if only you are glad?
The basic, daily, principle of the life of such a person begins with the question to himself - "What did you do useful for other people today?"
Volunteer - as a very vivid example of Altruism and the behavior of such people. A real Volunteer is a person who voluntarily engages in gratuitous socially useful activities.
False Ego - Selfishness
An egoist, as it is customary to call it in society, is a person who lives for his own internal and selfish material interests. This is the so-called False Ego. This is the way to achieve material false happiness.
The False Ego declares: "This is my hand, my mind, my feelings, my mind, my husband, my car, my house, my country, and finally my Earth." False Ego covers all aspects of a person's material life. This is exactly the style of life and way of behavior in society which is called material egoism.
However, if a person lives only under the influence of a false Ego, he is not able to achieve true Happiness, since it should be sought in the sphere of interaction of two Egos.
People seeking happiness in selfless love, helping people can be found everywhere, you just need to carefully look at the world around you, going beyond the selfish little world of your friends.
Short concept - Goodness
The struggle between True and False Ego is called Passion, and where the true Ego takes weight over the False Ego, Goodness arises.
Other Descriptions and Manifestations of Selfishness
Egoism is the desire to live at the expense of others and to receive something in this life undeservedly, that is, to receive for free or by using methods for this - deceit, manipulation, violence, and others ..
Stronger forms of selfishness are hypertrophied or terry selfishness - dependency and parasitism.
Selfishness is a justified need and desire to use others and the whole world, its resources, to realize one's selfish desires and in any selfish interests. Selfishness is a justified willingness and habit to spit on others and their opinions.
The egoist has all thoughts, only about himself, or about his unfulfilled desires. And this always makes the egoist deeply unhappy.
Selfishness - when a person is ready to do only what he personally likes, when this is the most important thing for him.
And if others do not like it, he is not interested, or is interested in the tenth place.
The Influence of Selfishness on Happiness
Finally, through the understanding of Egoism and its forms, I gradually brought you to the concept of Happiness.
Happiness is a selfless path to some high goal for the sake of other people.
For example, true love can only be selfless. A mother loves her newborn child disinterestedly without any thoughts and without expecting gratitude from the child.
When one of the spouses realizes that he is being used, he is very offended by the greed of his half. A person in love with himself cannot be capable of true love. Selfishness is a terrible vice that completely poisons love and family relationships.
Human nature is so arranged that he has a constant need to receive happiness by giving his love to other people. If a person lives in ignorance, indulges his desires and passions, he thereby destroys himself as a person.
A manifestation of selfishness is the denial of everything truthful in your address. A person is so overwhelmed with Egoism that it hurts him to listen to the words of another. He rushes into an argument, interrupts, proves, is indignant and justifies himself.
Selfishness causes natural antagonism and resistance. If a person goes into the outside world with the only desire to snatch without giving anything in return with the slogan - "This is all for me!", The world, understandably, resists.
At first, in family relationships, the parties tolerate manifestations of Egoism, then they begin to argue, quarrel and conflict in various forms. In other words, any form of self-interest causes antagonism, resistance and clash of false egos.
The destructive activity of Egoism deprives a person of the opportunity to achieve happiness.
Selfishness and self-love should not be confused
Selfishness is false self-love. This is love not for one's divine Soul, but for one's Pride and Vanity, love for one's conceit and false greatness.
Selfishness is the satisfaction of one's base desires and vices, the justification of one's sins and mistakes, the indulgence of that Evil that lives in the person himself and destroys him. This is an excuse and nourishment for one's laziness, stupidity, lack of education, one's grievances, emotions of anger and hatred, envy and jealousy, one's bad habits and vices, etc.
True love for yourself
Of course, you need to love yourself, only this love should not belittle the dignity and interests of other people, and should not devalue both other people and the whole world around you.
True love and kindness to yourself always gives you the same kindness to other people, enhancing their value in your life. Such love gives birth in the Soul to a bright desire to do Good for other people disinterestedly, without a frantic thirst to get personal benefits from any relationship. When true Love for oneself and for other people is revealed in the soul, egoism quickly melts, loses strength, decreases.
The absence of Egoism in a person does not at all imply that a person should not think about himself and his life, or that he should always do everything to the detriment of himself and to please others. Altruism does not mean material poverty.
If a person has earned a beautiful and rich life by honest work, he should accept it with dignity and be proud of himself. Wealth, luxury, a decent personal life does not make a person an Egoist.
A person becomes an egoist if, with all this luxury, he begins to spit on other people, completely ignoring their interests and feelings, and does nothing useful and good for society and this world. If the principle of this person is all good only for oneself, this is an Egoist.
Consequences of Selfishness
That is why Egoists at heart are the most unhappy people. Egoism, if you give it power over yourself, always leads you to endless suffering and mental anguish of loneliness, even if you suffer in your own palace, sitting on a golden toilet bowl.
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About selfishness (part 1): what is selfishness?
In this paper, the practical side of such a phenomenon as selfishness is considered. What is selfishness? How does it manifest itself in the daily life of the individual and the collective (family, enterprise, people, race, religious group, etc.)? Is selfishness beneficial? What are its main manifestations in modern society? What effective ways of transforming egoism into altruism exist and what difficulties can be encountered along the way? What can already be done to radically change the existing selfish foundations of society into intellectual and altruistic ones? You will find answers to the above questions in this work.
1. Where does selfishness begin?
3. Is selfishness profitable?
4. General signs of selfishness
Introduction
Dear reader, the topic of selfishness is very relevant today. After all, the very model of the structure of the current society has a very selfish-consumer orientation. This is evidenced by numerous facts of manifestation of selfishness in almost all strata of our society - from representatives of the highest echelons of power, large and medium-sized businesses (including show business) to an ordinary average person who is simply trying to survive, adapt to the conditions of this world and provide decent, by his standards, the existence of his family.
Many already understand a certain one-sidedness, and therefore the inconsistency, of the foundations existing in our world that impede the progressive development of society as a whole. And also the fact that the departure from egoism and the transformation of society into an altruistic and intellectually developing society is closely related to the changes in each of its members. Indeed, in relations at all levels - be it world politics and economics, intrastate or interpersonal relations - individuals participate, who always have their own interests and needs. At the same time, the reality of the current situation is such that it does not matter at all which group of people a person is a representative of: families, enterprises, states or a certain movement - always and everywhere he first of all remembers what is closer to himself, that is, about personal interests, and often puts the interests of others in the category of secondary ones, and since we, the people, ourselves created such a society, it means that we should change it.
Quite a lot of pages on the Internet are devoted to the topic of egoism, from which one can draw theoretical information about this phenomenon itself, its varieties and forms of manifestation. In addition, these issues are quite extensively disclosed in sources on ethics, social psychology, sociology, psychoanalysis and philosophy. But even with such a volume of theoretical information, society has not yet managed to radically change the existing state of affairs in practice. The situation turns out to be interesting: many people want changes, but sometimes they don’t know how one person can influence changes in society as a whole. And those who start doing something sooner or later give up, faced with difficulties and their own selfish interests that have not yet been realized.
Therefore, in this work I want to consider the practical side of this issue. Namely, I will try with you, dear reader, to understand how selfishness manifests itself in the daily life of both an individual and different groups: families, enterprises, peoples, races, religious groups, etc. (sections 1, 2 and 4). We will talk about how selfishness is beneficial for the egoist himself. (section 3). And also consider the main directions of the application of efforts to consistently transform the selfish tendencies of the individual into altruistic and possible obstacles along the way. (section 5).
Further reasoning in this brochure will be built on the basis of the so-called Ayfaar Paradigm, set out in the article "", as well as on the main postulate of iissiidiology (the latest cosmological concept on which I rely here) - multi-world, that is, on the fact of the existence of an infinite number of parallel worlds with absolutely different conditions and possibilities of human existence, in which different personal interpretations of each person “live”. Moreover, each of these worlds corresponds to a strictly defined personal interpretation of each of us, which has its own individual creative potential. In other words, the quality of the world in which the individual is aware of himself - whether it be a world of aggression, dictatorship and suppression of any initiatives or peaceful existence, mutual cooperation and conditions for revealing the creative potential of each individual - strictly corresponds to his own evolutionary tasks (read - interests) and personal opportunities to experience certain mental-sensory experiences. Therefore, any changes in the selfish foundations in society will be considered based on the principle "from inside to outside", which can be formulated as follows: the intensity and quality of the transformation of the life beliefs and interests of the individual entails corresponding changes not only in his own capabilities and life circumstances, but also in the conditions for the existence of society as a whole.
P.S.: For a deeper understanding of the information contained in this brochure, and in order to avoid the reader having many additional questions on the material, we recommend that you start reading it only after reading the article indicated above. "(Author Uksstukkullur).
1. Where does selfishness begin?
To begin with, let's define what we actually mean by the concept of egoism, on which we will rely in further reasoning. The most common and widespread definition is the following: “egoism (French egoisme, from Latin ego - I) is behavior entirely determined by the thought of one’s own benefit, benefit, preference for one’s own interests over the interests of other people, etc.” .
Where does the manifestation of egoism begin? I will start answering this question with a visual example. Imagine a sphere - a three-dimensional round figure that expands to infinity. And now imagine that this sphere is an image of our universe, which includes countless forms of self-consciousness of different scales - from huge space objects (universes, galaxies, stars, planets) to much smaller physical scale creatures that live on these space objects (people, animals, plants, minerals, microorganisms, etc.). If you theoretically imagine yourself as an observer outside this sphere (universe), then you can see an absolutely complete and complete picture of energy-informational (causal) relationships that exist between all possible forms of self-consciousness of this universe. But, I repeat: this can only be seen in theory, since it is quite difficult to realize oneself outside the universe, you see.
What does it mean to be part of the universe? This means being “inside” the sphere, that is, being a direct “participant” in it. If we continue the example of the above visualization, then we can imagine that everything energy information the content of the sphere (universe) consists of countless localities of different scales. These local "areas" of energy-information are nothing but "assembly points" of certain ideas about oneself and the surrounding world (information), which are reflected in the systems of perception of various forms of self-consciousness. In other words, the information content of each such conditional “assembly point” serves as the basis for the manifestation, under appropriate conditions, of a continuum (see below) of a certain form of self-consciousness (energy) - a person, a cat, a dog, a tree, a stone, a microorganism, an atom, a molecule, a planet, the universe - with a set of ideas, interests and tasks (information) inherent exclusively to it. Based on the above, the answer to the question posed above can be as follows: to be a participant in the universe means to be aware of oneself in one of its many forms of self-consciousness.
Why is it necessary for the existence in the universe of all this multitude of forms of self-consciousness with their inherent interests? In order to provide a cosmic entity that is much larger in its energy-informational content, obtaining absolutely all possible experience of specific mental states and mental-sensory experiences (joy or sadness, inspiration or despondency, humility or inflexibility, etc.) through the prism of perception of each of forms of its manifestation (see section 3).
If we talk about the forms of self-consciousness "living" in a single group of very similar continuums (and there are countless of them in the universe), then it can be argued that each of these forms is at a certain stage of its evolutionary development, which certainly makes it difficult not only interspecific, but also intraspecific communication. That is, a group of continuums is a kind of habitat for life forms of certain species - from the forms of self-awareness of elementary particles, microorganisms and people to objects the size of a galaxy or the universe - united by some common and complementary ideas, interests, history. At the same time, each of them develops in its own direction of development, corresponding to its type, and perceives the world exclusively in its own way.
For example, in the current group of continuums, the most developed form of self-consciousness is considered to be a person who is most striving to master these continuums through the development of industry and technology, the construction of cities, the development of the bowels of the planet, oceans, and space. But this does not prevent other forms of self-awareness - animals, plants, minerals - from existing alongside people and making their own contribution to these continuums. And in the case of the forms of self-consciousness of atoms and molecules - even act as a "building" element for biological organisms of all living things. Moreover, a high degree of conflict-freeness between the same atomic and molecular structures that make up any organism is orders of magnitude greater than the degree of organization and coordination in work that is now inherent in people. This fact, of course, shakes the existing conviction in the superiority of man in terms of his level of development over other forms of life.
When it comes to the universe as a whole, everything is much more complicated here. If the continuum is a kind of narrow "cut" (option) of the psychological and physical states of all the forms existing in it, then the universe - as a set of countless such continuums millions of years "in the past" and "in the future" - includes absolutely the entire experience of existence all forms of life "living" in it, in all possible variants of its execution and at all stages of its evolutionary development. This means that any living form that can be observed in the surrounding world (essentially ─ in a continuum) is only a reflection of some intermediate stage of its evolutionary development. And besides the interpretation observed by each of us, in the universe there are a huge number of other variants of it, both more and less evolutionarily developed in relation to it within the framework of one biological species. All of them "dwell" in parallel continuums and live their lives in their own conditions and circumstances. Thus, the universal principle of many worlds, which has already been mentioned above, is realized in the universe.
Anticipating, dear reader, your logical question: “How does all this relate to the topic of egoism?”, - I will answer that the very moment of self-awareness by someone - for example, a person - is the moment of dividing the whole picture of the universe into two parts: that which is available to the perception system of a particular person, and what remains outside the sphere of its perception and under no circumstances can be accessible to it at this stage of its development (for example, information about what is happening now in other universes). In addition, the human perception system is so arranged that it immediately divides all the information available to it into two more categories: “I” and “my environment” (or “not I”). It is from the moment of the appearance of this “I”, that is, at the moment of self-awareness by someone, that egoism begins. Why? Because there is a division of the whole into parts, there are concepts: "my interests" and "interests of others" and the possibility of choosing between them. In other words, the necessary conditions appear for the manifestation of egoism, namely, the satisfaction of "one's own interests" and the sacrifice of "the interests of others."
So what does it mean that all of us, people, are selfish?! Yes, we become them due to the limitations of our own perception systems. But, you must admit that each person manifests his egoism to a different degree - from the personal level (satisfaction of only his own needs) to the collective level (at the level of members of the same family, employees of the same enterprise, residents of the same city, country or even one planet). What determines the degree of egoism of an individual? By what representations are included in the category of his "I", and which he refers to "not I". Let's take a closer look at this issue.
What does the category "I" include? First of all, everything that defines a person as a person, for example: name, gender, age, character traits, tastes, inclinations, place of residence, marital status, social status, profession and much more. In addition, this category includes his ideas about whose interests, in addition to his own, are just as important to him and for which he is ready to sacrifice something of his own. For example, the needs of members of the parental or own family, a circle of friends or colleagues, members of an interest club, residents of their country, representatives of the flora and fauna of the planet, humanity as a whole, etc.
The category "not I" includes everything that is not included in the circle "I". The human system of perception evaluates everything this way: what does not belong to “me” and is not included in the circle of interests that are important for “me” immediately becomes “alien” for me, and therefore less significant.
Thus, on the border between the two conditional categories “I” and “not I”, egoism usually arises, as a result of the division of everything around into “mine” and “not mine”, “ours” and others, “important” and “not important." And each person usually knows exactly whose interests from his environment he is ready to sacrifice, and whose interests he will not infringe under any circumstances.
The wider the circle of people and other beings, whose interests are no less important for the individual than their own (personal), the wider the circle of representations of his "I". And the wider the circle of his own "I", the more he feels his involvement in others and the lower the degree of his egoism. And, conversely, the more a person concentrates on his own (personal) interests and ignores the needs of others, the narrower the circle of his "I" and the higher the degree of his egoism. In order to better understand how selfishness manifests itself in varying degrees, let's look at a few examples.
Example one. Imagine a young girl in her 25s who is rapidly building her own career and devotes most of her time to this occupation. She does not have her own family, and she rarely communicates with her parents and friends, because she devotes a lot of time to work. The management has a good impression of her as an executive and responsible employee, she is valued for her skilled work. With employees of her equal position, she has exclusively business relations, and sometimes there is even a spirit of competition. She is ready to work hard to achieve a common result, but at the same time she is more busy individually, and not in a team, that is, she is not a team "player". She is purposeful, effectively plans and manages her time, fully provides herself financially, and financially helps her loved ones in situations unexpected for the family.
Let's try to assess the degree of selfishness of this girl. To begin with, we determine the interests of how many people are important to her. The needs of the family for her become relevant only periodically - when someone close needs financial assistance. Thus, she maintains contact with her parental family. At the same time, she practically does not devote time to the emotional sphere in interactions with them, which means she does not take into account the multitude of their intangible needs - in attention to them, in care, in trusting relationships on her part.
Since her main interest is to improve in the profession, let's analyze what happens to her at work. At first glance, she tries to do a lot to ensure that the company in which she serves is successful. But what is the motivation behind all her efforts? It is likely that she links the success of the company to the possibility of her own achievements, for example, the opportunity to get a higher position or increase her earnings. Or maybe it is important for her to satisfy the interests of the company's customers, and that is why in her workplace she tries to do everything as best as possible. But still, how important are the interests of her work colleagues with whom she communicates daily? Does she rejoice in their successes and empathize with their difficulties? For example, when the whole team receives an award, what will she be more happy about - her award or the fact that everyone received it, and not just her? Or when a company has a work rush, will it empathize with those who have to work overtime (albeit for additional pay) to the detriment of time spent with family or just on vacation, doing their favorite activities, hobbies? I doubt! Since the spirit of rivalry periodically awakens in her relations with employees, I think that her personal interests will still be more important than the interests of the people around her.
From the above example, it becomes obvious that the boundary of the "I" of this girl is at the junction of her personality and the personalities of the people around her. This means that she tends to sacrifice much that is dear to her family and colleagues for the sake of her own interests. The level (degree) of such egoism can be defined as personal, that is, limited by a person's own interests and practically not taking into account the needs of others.
Second example. Imagine a family: the husband is 35 years old, the wife is 30. They have a five-year-old child. The three of them live separately from their grandparents, maintaining a close relationship with them: they often talk on the phone and stay up to date with their current affairs, visit them from time to time and spend holidays together. Also, this young family has a circle of friends with whom they have common interests - all together they often meet and communicate. For example, they regularly visit the pool or yoga classes, occasionally have dinner together or go on vacation. The husband has his own business, which brings him a decent income and allows him to provide for his family. At work, he makes a lot of efforts to ensure that good and trusting relations develop between the employees of his enterprise: he introduces a reward system that does not provoke manifestations of excessive competition, but, on the contrary, strengthens the spirit of cooperation, organizes family corporate holidays, etc. At the same time, he is a good family man, a caring husband and father. The wife is mostly engaged in home and family, and devotes her free time to working in a charitable organization, with whose employees she has a fairly trusting relationship, and her work itself implies indifference to others.
Let's try to figure out what is included in the category of "I" of the husband and wife in this example and what is the degree of their selfishness. Obviously, for them, personal needs are no more important than the interests of others (members of their own family, their parents' families, friends, colleagues) and they know how to organize their time in such a way as to pay enough attention to themselves, each other and people close to them. The circle of "I" of each of them includes the interests of a much larger number of people than the girl in the first example. And this means that the degree of their personal egoism is much lower. At the same time, it cannot be argued that egoism is generally unusual for them. Rather, it manifests itself in them on a different level and is not noticeable at first glance, but we will talk about this later.
As you can see, in the examples discussed above, each of the people has their own life values, priorities and corresponding lifestyle. Each of them has their own ideas about the border between "I" and "not I", on the basis of which they form relationships with others. Those who limit their circle of "I" only to personal interests usually think very limitedly and one-sidedly, showing in relations with others a high degree of isolation, selfishness and distrust of them. They tend to perceive the world around them as hostile and unfriendly, spending a lot of time and energy protecting themselves from others. Those whose boundaries of "I" go beyond their own personalities, there are much fewer opportunities to do something exclusively for themselves, that is, to show gross selfish tendencies. With those who are included in their circle of "I" (with "them"), they are ready to compromise and make decisions that will satisfy everyone who is interested in them. Their inherent need to care for loved ones opens up endless possibilities for them to go beyond the perception of the world, limited only by their own interests, and encourages them to act for the benefit of others.
Summing up what has been written in this section, we can say that egoism is inherent in each form of self-consciousness, but is demonstrated by everyone in different ways. The condition for its manifestation is the moment of self-awareness by someone and, as a result, the emergence of an artificially created system of perception of the boundary between “I” and “not I”, “us” and “them”, what is “important” and “not important” . The more people with their interests and needs are not indifferent to a person, the lower the degree of his egoism. And vice versa: excessive concentration on personal interests leads to the manifestation of only gross selfish inclinations and tendencies.
2. How is selfishness manifested in the circle of “our own”?
In the previous section, I indicated that selfishness arises at the border of dividing everyone around into “us” (or “I”) and “strangers” (or “not me”). For the sake of the well-being of the former, a person is usually ready to sacrifice a lot, and the fate of the latter is neutral or even indifferent. Moreover, such a border is formed not somewhere outside, but exclusively in the self-consciousness of the person himself, and for each it is individual.
What prompts a person to single out "their own" among those around them? Obviously, he has some interest in this. After all, if he had not been personally interested in this, he would have treated everyone equally, equally loved and cared for both close and good friends, and people he did not know. But for most of us, such acts of participation in the lives of “strangers” are rare. This means that in the circle of “ours”, we first of all include those from whom we expect to receive something. It doesn’t have to be something material, but it may well turn out to be some kind of moral benefit (to feel needed, raise your own self-esteem, prove something to others, etc.). And, of course, in order to get what we want, we are ready to sacrifice something in favor of those who help us in this. From this it follows that each person is motivated primarily by the expectation of personal gain, that is, his own egoism.
Perhaps such a conclusion will surprise you, dear reader, and you will have, quite logically, questions: “But what about a mother who gives everything to her children, what kind of selfishness is that ?!” or “Where can selfishness be hidden in relations between spouses who, according to generally accepted standards in society, live in harmony and prosperity?” - and many similar questions ...
It often happens that when caring for loved ones - husbands, wives, children, parents, brothers, sisters, friends - a person imperceptibly begins to hope that he will receive something in return from them (gratitude, appreciation, reciprocal help, material support or otherwise). Over time, these hopes turn into stable expectations that loved ones Must do for him in return for his participation in their lives. For example, children must obey their parents, and often do this because they provide them financially; there are also many mutual expectations between spouses, ranging from household chores, earning money to interpersonal relationships in the family. And when relatives do not behave the way a person would like, or do not agree with his opinion, then he is inclined to experience extremely impartial feelings and emotions for them - indignation, resentment, rejection, envy and others. Such reactions in relation to relatives indicate the absence of selflessness in the actions of this person and the manifestation of powerful selfishness on his part. It turns out, taking part in the lives of loved ones, people often do not notice hidden selfish motives in their actions or notice, but consider them quite acceptable. Here are some of them: specific demands on another person, the right to own relatives, self-righteousness, the desire to impose one's opinion and manipulate others, etc. Conflict situations that arise with “one's own” usually help a person discover his egoism.
Let's look at a few examples of the manifestation of selfishness described above. Imagine a family where a woman is very protective of her children. In the eyes of others, she looks like a good mother who cares about her own children. In fact, her overprotectiveness may be due to the need to control everything. Let's say that she has her own ideas about how her children should develop and who they should become in the future. Under such circumstances, by intervening in the affairs of children and imposing help on them, the mother can justify her intentions and actions with a sense of duty and responsibility for them. Most likely, she simply cannot allow their development to go against her ideas that "it will be better for them." If the behavior of children does not meet her expectations, then this causes a lot of negative emotions in her. And sometimes she can even accuse them of ingratitude towards her. The children themselves suffer from the obsessive "care" of the mother, because by doing so, she unwittingly suppresses their natural need for self-development and self-determination in life, preventing them from making decisions on their own and being responsible for them. As a result, such relationships in the family can lead to the formation of self-doubt in children, low self-esteem, inability to defend their opinion, and in the long run, develop distrust, hostility and aggression towards the world around them.
If the motives described above are present in the relationship between the mother and children, then this indicates manifestations of personal egoism on her part. Because in her actions she still pursues her own interests (to keep everything under control, to realize what she wants through her children) and does not take into account the real needs of her children.
Many examples of the manifestation of selfishness in the circle of "ours" can be found in relations between spouses. Here is one of them. Spouses who have lived together for a sufficient number of years to know enough about each other's habits and interests. If they both coincide, then this will help to avoid many conflicts in such a family. In most cases, their desires differ significantly and they often have to choose whose implementation of needs to give preference. The situations in which their interests collide help to reveal the selfishness of each of them.
For example, spouses have different preferences for how best to spend the weekend. One of them likes active communication with friends and acquaintances, and the other likes calmly watching their favorite movie at home. Or it is extremely important for one of them to visit his parents every Sunday, and for the second, a day off is an opportunity to take a break from the bustle of work in home silence or in nature. If each of them spends his free time as he wants and lives according to the principle “you don’t interfere in my affairs, and I don’t interfere in yours”, then they will rarely be able to stay together, learn more and understand each other better. It is possible that the current situation will cause in each of them an ever-increasing sense of loneliness and one day lead to a serious crisis in the relationship. Such a position of “non-interference” in the affairs of a marriage partner may well be caused by the unwillingness of both spouses to open up to each other, fear of possible conflicts and unwillingness to resolve them. Thus, they protect themselves from the possible “intrusion” of another, albeit close, person into their personal lives, because they know that this will significantly change the course of life and the realization of personal interests that is familiar to each of them. Such relationships, of course, show the unwillingness of the spouses to compromise, to yield in something else, to seek mutual solutions. In other words, they demonstrate their personal egoism.
It also happens that in order to avoid conflicts in a relationship, one agrees to give in to the other, and they spend time together in a way that is interesting to one of them. In the future, the one who conceded may have a claim against the spouse and the requirement next time to fulfill his desires, even if the second one does not agree with this. As you can see, in such a situation, each of the spouses manifests selfishness in their own way. The first made a concession in the expectation of a reciprocal step from the second. And this means that he did it not only for the sake of a loved one, but also to get something for himself in the future. The second ignores the needs of the spouse, which also shows a high degree of his personal egoism.
Another example of the demonstration of selfishness in the relationship of any couple can be called ownership of each other. These states are most often accompanied by feelings of jealousy, envy, making claims, dictating one's conditions, giving orders instead of requests, etc. In other words, this is when one of the partners considers that he has the right to demand something from the other for his care and attention that is beneficial to himself personally: reciprocal signs of attention, the fulfillment of any of his desires, agreement with his opinion, etc. And if he does not get what he wants, then he is offended and accuses the other of ingratitude, trying to arouse a feeling of guilt in him.
The most obvious evidence of a desire arising from one of the partners to defend their right of ownership to the other can be observed in situations of betrayal of one of them by the other. How will the one who has been cheated behave? Will he be able to admit his own guilt and involvement in the circumstances? Will he be able to overcome the state of disappointment and resentment? Will he be able to understand the motives of his partner's behavior and, having changed something in himself, maintain a good attitude towards him? Or will he put all the blame on the shoulders of another and leave him, “loudly slamming the door”? Obviously, in the latter case, such love and care were due to some personal gain. And when the opportunity to receive what was desired from another was lost, such relationships immediately lost their meaning. It has become much more convenient for the one who has been cheated on to blame the partner for everything than to find the cause of what happened in oneself. At the same time, such an outcome does not exclude for him the possibility of repeating a similar situation in the future in his relations with other people.
Of course, the behavior of the one who cheated is no less selfish. And here, too, a lot of facts determine the degree of his egoism: was this betrayal a momentary hobby or a carefully hidden long-term romance on the side? How did he himself react to the fact that a person close to him found out about the betrayal: he was afraid that his lie was exposed and now he is in trouble, or he was afraid that their family might collapse, or he was worried that he had hurt someone dear to him man? The answers to these questions will make it possible to understand how such an act was selfish.
In any case, such situations usually reveal the egoism of both partners, and depending on whose interests - their own or their common ones - each of them will defend, thus the conflict situation in the family will be resolved. The more attention they focus on their personal needs (i.e., their selfishness), the more they will blame each other and the more serious and prolonged the conflict between them will be, which in the end can lead to a break in relations. Conversely, having set the goal of preserving the family, they can use the current situation as an opportunity to “reconstruct” their marriage. For example, talking openly with each other and changing each other's habitual patterns of behavior can help them reach a new level of interaction.
These examples are just a drop in the ocean of everyday human relationships with loved ones, relatives, friends, colleagues and acquaintances. And for sure, each reader will be able to recall many other situations from his personal life in which someone's egoism manifested itself in one way or another.
From everything described above, the conclusion is that not every act of help, care or attention of a person in relation to others can be called absolutely disinterested. And that in most cases such elections may well be hiding selfish motives and expectations.
Thus, we have come to the need to designate a certain criterion for how selfish each of us's concern for the circle of "ours" can be. This can be determined by answering two questions. First: when I do something for others, I am guided by their ideas of what is best for them, or help them in accordance with them interests? In other words, when you are going to help someone or do something nice, it is important to try to understand if you are trying to give a soccer ball to someone who dreams of playing the violin. And the second question: when I care about someone, do I not turn this person (whom I care about) into an egoist? In other words, before you do something for others, it is important to understand whether you are doing them a disservice by doing so. After all, meekly indulging the selfishness of others, people rarely think about how their “help” can turn out for the latter in the end. For example, protecting a person from all kinds of failures and losses and offering him everything he wants “on a saucer with a blue border”, as a rule, prevents his normal development and independent knowledge of the world around him and himself as they are. Subsequently, he turns into a person dependent on other people and circumstances, unable to live independently in this world.
Let me remind you that in the previous section we came to the conclusion that the expansion of the circle of "I" (or "my own") leaves a person with less and less opportunities for the manifestation of personal egoism. And in this section, they concluded that in most of his relationships with “his own” he still pursues some personal interests. Perhaps such a contradiction has confused you, my dear reader! Therefore, I assure you right away that there is no contradiction here. We are only talking about the fact that a person can expand the circle of “his own” as much as he wants, but this will not help him transform his egoism. It will simply manifest itself in a different way, but it will still be selfishness. Only having begun to eradicate his personal egoism in relation to close people (in the circle of “his own”), he will be able to radically change the situation.
Let's try to imagine what will happen to a person who began to expand the circle of "I", but did not begin to transform his personal egoism in relation to loved ones. That is, he has not learned to understand other people, respect their opinion, compromise, make mutually beneficial decisions, and considers it quite normal to display his indifference to others, self-righteousness, categoricalness and other similar qualities. Obviously, he will transfer the projection of personal egoism to the collective level. And with the same zeal with which he previously sought to satisfy personal desires, he will begin to defend the interests of the group to which he himself belongs, at the cost of infringing on the needs of others. It is egoism at the collective level (be it a family, a work team, a country, a religious group, and others) that gives rise to intransigence and enmity between different families, peoples, states, representatives of different religions, races, and many other groups of people. And the root of collective (or group) egoism is the personal egoism of each of the members of such groups.
Therefore, we can safely say that any manifestations of misunderstanding, disagreement and hostility in relations between people at any level of relations - be it enmity between families, fierce competition in business, confrontation between various religious denominations or an international military conflict - is a convincing and natural consequence of the manifestation of personal egoism. each of the participants in such a relationship.
So, we have the following picture: when a person does not care about anyone, then he certainly cultivates the highest degree of personal egoism; when he takes care of "his own", he continues to cultivate personal egoism, but on a different level (such egoism is less noticeable and often disguised as help and care that are not disinterested); and together with it shows selfishness of a collective scale (infringement of the interests of other people, groups). It turns out that most of the time a person is in a vicious circle of his own egoism, which manifests itself in different ways in every life situation.
How can you get out of this circle?
In the previous section, we determined that egoism arises on the border of dividing everyone around into “us” and “them”, which exists only in the self-consciousness of the individual and nowhere else. This means that in order to transform a person's own egoism, it is necessary to somehow “erase” this boundary “within” oneself.
Let's imagine that a person has focused his attention not on expanding the circle of "their own", but on the transformation of personal egoism towards relatives. That is, he continued to take care of them, but stopped expecting something from them in return; began to listen more to their requests, to compromise and less to express their claims and demands to them, to impose their opinion; became more understanding and less irritable with them. How will this affect his relationship in the circle of "friends"? Surely the motives of his behavior and actions will change significantly. Close people will be needed not to satisfy his own interests, but so that he can give them something disinterestedly. Agree that these two motivations for action are completely different. When a person stops expecting something from others and continues to selflessly do something for them, he is freed from selectivity towards people. He begins to equally respect and appreciate everyone around him, shows patience, tolerance and goodwill towards them. As a result, any division artificially created by his imagination into “us” and “them” begins to gradually disappear.
In addition, by transforming his personal egoism in the circle of "their own", a person thereby avoids the possibility of its manifestation at the collective level. After all, having mastered the practice of interpersonal relationships based on honesty, openness and tolerance, he may well transfer these principles to relations within the state and international scale. Imagine how relations in families, in the business sphere, between different peoples would change if everyone began to transform their personal egoism for the sake of the well-being of others. I think that society would change beyond recognition.
Summing up what has been discussed in this section, I would like to note that the allocation of a circle of “friends” by a person is due to his own egoism, which manifests itself in the form of some of his expectations and requirements in relation to people around him. When a person ceases to have hopes that people around him will act as her this I want to, then she sacrifices her personal egoism and begins to act in the interests of others. This inevitably leads to the blurring of the boundaries between “us” and “them” inside the human mind and expanding the circle of his “I”.
3. Is selfishness profitable?
It often happens in practice that in order to effectively replace egoism with altruism, only understanding one's selfish manifestations and the desire to become better is not enough. And a person, getting into situations in which he could perform more altruistic actions, continues to lean towards those choices, the benefits of which are obvious to him personally, and therefore, towards more selfish ones. He does this because he does not understand the “profitability” of altruism and perceives it only as a need to sacrifice something. As a result, a person cannot formulate deeper and more stable motivations for the constant cultivation of altruism and the internal changes that accompany this process. Therefore, this section is devoted to answering the question: “Is selfishness really beneficial?”.
At first glance, the answer is obvious: “Of course it is beneficial, because if a person does something for himself all the time, then in the end he will have a lot.” Such a conviction, in fact, can be considered a postulate of egoism. And even if the egoist does not speak about him directly, then he is probably guided by such a conviction in most of his choices. Cases when a person sacrifices some of his personal interests in favor of others are more likely a consequence of moral and moral norms of behavior instilled by society and educators with the help of all sorts of fears than the result of his own understanding of the real unprofitability of egoism and a conscious choice in favor of altruism.
But let's answer the above question about the real benefits of egoism from the position of iissiidiology. That is, we will build our reflections on the basis of the notion that all possible variants of ourselves already exist (see Section 1). All of them “live” in continuums (worlds) of different degrees favorable to their existence and receive a comprehensive, multivariate experience in making certain decisions, knowing themselves in the corresponding experiences (feelings, thoughts, desires, interests).
To begin with, let's figure out who and why, in fact, this experience is necessary? And how is the exchange of experience between all the options (interpretations), for example, one person? Let's look at this in the following figurative example. Imagine a set of matryoshkas nested inside each other: small nesting dolls are nested in medium ones, and medium nesting dolls are nested in large ones. And there are a huge number of such matryoshkas. In this example, each of the matryoshkas is an analogue of a personal interpretation (variant) of a person, which “lives” in one of the parallel worlds (continuums). The smallest matryoshka is the least developed version of the personality, that is, one whose way of thinking is limited by very narrow, personally oriented ideas about oneself and the world around, and which demonstrates powerful egocentrism by its behavior.
He does this because the connection with his more developed interpretations is very weak, so he is not able to listen to his intuition and use his own experience of more thoughtful and conflict-free decisions. As a result, he is forced to independently live experience in difficult life situations and relationships and broadcast it to other (more developed) versions of himself. The largest matryoshka is the most developed version of the same person who exists in the universe and who is characterized by all the best human qualities and manifestations. His decisions and choices are largely based on the knowledge of what to do better and what not to do, thanks to which he can know himself in much more harmonious and favorable life circumstances for his existence.
The exchange of experience between different interpretations of a person occurs according to the principle of nesting nesting dolls of a smaller size in larger ones. That is, underdeveloped personality variants live in continuums that are more destructive in terms of the conditions of existence, where they receive the necessary experience of experiences, life conflicts and serve as a kind of base of negative experience for more developed interpretations of the personality. The latter do not just use the experience of the former, they also transmit their positive experience of making more harmonious and balanced decisions in a given situation to slightly less developed versions of themselves. If a person in his intentions and desires is focused on a more evolutionarily developed version of himself, that is, he strives to acquire the positive qualities inherent in that, then in his self-consciousness there is a close intuitive connection with that self, which succeeded due to its more disinterested motives, a deep understanding of those acting in the universe. laws and foreseeing the possible consequences of one choice or another to avoid such life situations.
From the example described above, the following is obvious: any form of self-consciousness (including a person) that exists in the universe is at some intermediate stage of its evolutionary development (within its species) and is a kind of “assembly point” of experience both less and less. and more developed versions of themselves. The ability to intuitively perceive the experience of its more developed interpretations and prevent a lot of dramatic and unfavorable circumstances of one's life appears in a person only when his goals and daily choices are aimed at becoming the self that is more evolutionarily developed as a person.
And now let's answer the question posed above: who needs experience and why? We need experience as the most developed versions of ourselves in our universe, who live in much more favorable continuums for them and have “projected” themselves into the whole multitude of less prosperous and even destructive versions of the worlds in order to know themselves in the corresponding life situations and experiences. We need all this in order to provide ourselves in each situation with information about all the possible options for the negative and positive consequences of a particular decision and, thanks to this, to know which actions contribute to the most effective resolution of a particular life situation.
Therefore, if you find yourself in some unfavorable circumstances for you personally, dear reader, remember that the most effective way to overcome them will be a conscious positive, without looking for the guilty, experiencing the destructive experience that you personally lack and drawing conclusions from it on how to prevent similar situations in future. Only then can this experience be taken into account in the future. In those cases when you clearly feel that something is not worth doing, but something, on the contrary, needs to be done immediately in order to avoid any negative consequences, then these premonitions indicate the existence of a close connection between the “current” and more evolved "variants" of yourself. The latter are aware of themselves in much more favorable conditions of existence, because they have absorbed the entire cumulative experience (negative and positive) of the consequences of specific situations and know which of all possible actions led them to this particular (much more favorable) group of continuums.
But intuition is different, and not always all the intuitive insights of a person contribute to its evolutionary development precisely as a person. Therefore, here is the time to introduce criteria by which it is possible to determine the level of development of each of his personal interpretations within the framework of his biological species. For a person, there are two of these criteria: the degree of his altruism and the degree of his reasonableness. The more altruistic (disinterested) and at the same time reasonable (not harming anyone) actions a human person performs in his daily activities, the more developed he is, but only within the framework of his biological species (!). And vice versa: the higher the degree of ignorance and selfishness underlies the ideas, values and interests of the individual, the less evolutionarily developed it is (again, I repeat: within the framework of its species). From all this, the conclusion follows: the higher the degree of altruism and rationality is present in those decisions that our intuition tells us, the more likely it is that these decisions are broadcast by more evolutionarily developed "options" of ourselves - precisely as people. As a rule, such decisions come into conflict with some of our personality-oriented selfish expectations. But the implementation of these very choices to the greatest extent can open the “door” for us to much more favorable worlds for human existence.
As you can see, the degree of selfishness and ignorance of a person is directly proportional to the level of his development as a person. From which it follows that the degree of egoism of the individual is the determining factor in which circumstances and living conditions (worlds, continuums) he is aware of himself. Any positive internal changes in a person naturally lead to a change of one continuum to a qualitatively different one, which he himself perceives as unexpected changes in circumstances, the emergence of new opportunities, changes in the surrounding people and relationships with them. Moreover, for the real manifestation of more favorable life scenarios, it is important to back up your declarative statements of intent with a series of concrete elections that confirm these aspirations in practice.
And the choices of a person are not only his words and actions, but also thoughts, feelings, experiences, which he allows to manifest in his own consciousness. Each of his choices determines his true interests - more selfish or altruistic, more reasonable or ignorant - and "fixes" him in those of life scenarios in which there are the most favorable opportunities for their implementation and gaining the necessary experience.
Let's look at the above with a couple of examples. Imagine a person who is used to satisfying his own interests first and neglecting the needs of others. What, in your opinion, future worlds and life circumstances does he predetermine for himself by such behavior? Of course, those in which such selfishness is the norm of life and relations in society. Imagine such a world: in it, most people live according to selfish principles and their existence turns into an endless struggle for survival, insatiable consumption and concern only for their own pleasure and comfort. In such realities, the strongest survive, that is, those who have more strength and power. And this means that in these worlds there is a strict hierarchy, dictatorship, aggression, distrust and competition, everywhere inciting conflicts and wars at all levels of relationships.
Now try to imagine how our future continuums and conditions of life can change if we begin to eradicate ignorance and selfishness in ourselves and cultivate altruism (self-sacrifice, generosity) and rationality (consciousness, logic) more and more. That is, we will stop thinking exclusively about ourselves and start caring more about others, stop expecting something from others in return; let's start sharing all the best that we have and work with our shortcomings; Let's stop blaming someone else for our troubles and take responsibility for our lives. If we can within at least a few years keep such a dynamic of change in our own minds, then over time we will certainly notice significant positive changes in life scenarios and in relations with our immediate environment. We will be given more and more opportunities to do what is really important to us, and the issues of survival will be solved in a wonderful way for us. We will increasingly begin to show kindness, understanding, sincerity, generosity in the people around us, and noticeably less often - coldness, irritability, secrecy, greed, jealousy.
In order for such changes to spread to a more global (social, political, economic, cultural) level, we will need to primarily, ascertain from one's own experience the effectiveness of the approach described above in solving various negative life circumstances. That is, to build relationships with others in which love and harmony reign on any worldly issue. BUT after Once we ourselves manage to master the practice of conflict-free existence (unconditional positivism and benevolence, the ability to understand any person), it will be necessary to make every effort, time and resources to ensure that through individual and collective creativity (creating videos, writing articles, blogging, webinars and trainings) to inspire as many people as possible to make similar changes in their perceptions, values, habits and lifestyle.
Only thanks to such activity, we can one day find ourselves in a world where most people live according to principles similar to ours (in those worlds). Surely, the living conditions, and laws, and relations in such a society will contribute to the maximum unity of all people and the disclosure of the creative potential of each of them. After all, they (in fact, more developed variants of us as people) already have information about the entire destructive experience of the existence of human society, divided into classes and living on the principle of subjugating the “strong” to the “weaker” to themselves. Realizing the inefficiency of such approaches on the path of the progressive development of the human community, they deliberately did not introduce into all spheres of their lives those principles and laws that encourage people to cultivate selfishness and ignorance.
Let's now answer the question posed at the beginning of the section: is egoism really beneficial for a person? It is obvious that selfishness is beneficial only when assessing the short-term benefits of the "here and now" and is completely unprofitable in the long run. Since its cultivation sooner or later leads to those scenarios in which the surrounding people act towards the egoist in the same way, and in his life there are many unfavorable consequences for him - conflicts, financial difficulties, health problems and other things.
It is important to note here that people around cannot always observe how troubles and misfortunes overtake an egoist, which creates some kind of illusion of the so-called impunity of egoism. But the whole point here is that each person instantly chooses those of the worlds that are more in line with his own interests. And if the vital interests of the one who observes the egoist and the egoist himself differ significantly, then over time they already realize themselves in qualitatively different groups of continuums, which means they observe completely different consequences of both their own choices and the decisions of others. Understanding this helps to get rid of the idea that “egoists get away with everything”, and also to quickly realize the following: the sooner a person manages to interrupt the endless cycle of manifestations of his own egoism, the faster he can direct the development of his life scenarios in the direction of a favorable future both for for himself and for society as a whole.
The path of transformation of egoism into altruism is quite difficult, but evolutionarily necessary for us as people. On this path, each one once (sooner or later) comes to the understanding that he himself is the creator of his own destiny, and forms within himself a stable state of personal responsibility for each of his choices. Understanding the essence of what was described above usually helps a person to consistently follow this path, maintaining in his own self-consciousness a continuous interest in self-improvement and the development of altruistic tendencies in himself, striving in every situation to make a choice at least a little more altruistic than his previous decisions.
4. General signs of selfishness
In the previous sections, some examples of the manifestation of egoism were described, clearly showing that most people are almost always in a vicious circle of its manifestation either on a personal or on a collective (group) level. Let me remind you that under personal egoism implied expectations and requirements in relation to others, which are aimed at satisfying the interests of the egoist at the expense of infringing on the needs of other people. BUT collective selfishness is defined as the orientation of the interests and goals of a particular group against the interests and goals of individuals, other groups or society as a whole.
It was also concluded that the manifestation of egoism at the collective level (the division of society into different classes, nations, races, competing firms, organizations fighting for someone's rights, etc.) is a natural consequence of the gross personality-oriented egoism inherent in each of the members. such teams. From which it follows that the process of identifying and transforming (transforming) egoism into altruism, it is important to start with yourself, that is, in relationships with your loved ones, friends, colleagues and acquaintances. Of course, this process has its intermediate stages: at first, egoism is transformed from a coarser into a less personally oriented one (that is, some self-interest continues to be present in the elections), but this path opens up the possibility for a person to simultaneously cultivate elementary altruism in himself; having accumulated sufficient experience of such altruism, a person gradually comes to the need to perform more disinterested actions. How exactly this can be done is described in the fifth section.
In the same section, I have considered the main signs of the manifestation of gross personal egoism, singled out among all their diversity. The presence in a person's mind (his way of thinking, feeling and behaving) of precisely the tendencies described below, as a rule, prevents a person from developing such a quality as humanity. That is, benevolence and openness, a positive attitude towards oneself, other people and any manifestations of life, a deep understanding of the processes taking place around and one’s role in this, indifference and a sense of belonging to others, readiness to sacrifice one’s own selfish interests for the benefit of others, the ability to negotiate and cooperate with others to achieve common goals, etc.
Observing and analyzing their thoughts, feelings, desires, ideas and actions, everyone can determine, according to these criteria, to what extent one or another of the manifestations described below is still characteristic of him, and therefore, to what extent his intentions, words or actions are selfish.
These are the signs:
- the need for pleasure, and not for the joy of participating in the manifestation of something good in others;
- obtaining personal (sometimes unconscious) benefits at the expense of others;
- the manifestation of negative reactions and the search for those to blame for their problems;
- feeling disconnected from others.
Let's talk in more detail about each of them and those internal reasons that induce a person to such manifestations.
4.1. The need for pleasure
What does a person usually enjoy? First of all, from satisfying some of your physiological needs: sleep, food, sex, getting rid of pain. Secondly, ─ when his other desires are fulfilled, expressed in the acquisition of something: beautiful and fashionable clothes, for example, in observing comfortable living conditions, in entertainment, travel, cosmetic procedures and caring for one's appearance, in the possession of luxury goods, as well as in fame and recognition, in material prosperity, achieving your own goals, communicating with people next to whom you can feel good, and in many others. The fulfillment of "small" and "big" desires brings a person temporary pleasant sensations. And he quickly becomes attached to what they deliver to him, wanting to be satisfied again and again. And when it is saturated, it finds a new source, and this happens continuously.
Science has long known that physiological factors play a significant role in the formation of a person's attachment to the sources of their pleasures. Every time a person’s desire is fulfilled (for example, to eat delicious food, achieve someone’s praise or chat with a nice person), his brain gives a command to produce the so-called “happiness hormones” (dopamine, serotonin, endorphins), which bring him positive emotions and pleasant sensations in the body. As a result, certain neural circuits are formed in the brain of the individual, reflecting the dependence of the type “getting what you want → pleasant sensations”. The more often a person satisfies his specific need, the more stable those neural chains that are responsible for its actualization become, and the stronger this desire affects the decisions made by a person.
Thus, various hormonal dependencies on something or someone are formed in the self-consciousness of the individual according to the principle “I will be happy (a), only if I'll get it." When such an addiction exists, then, not achieving the desired, a person feels bad both physically and psychologically: he can become more irritable or apathetic, start blaming others for his own failures, become seriously ill, completely forget about his goals for a while and plans, or even lose the meaning of their own existence. In other words, being in a state of hormonal dependence on something or someone, a person makes his internal psychological well-being dependent on some “external” circumstances or people, allowing his “weaknesses” to control his daily choices and life in general.
Since the human desire for pleasure is closely related to the biological processes in his body, this fact brings pleasure into a series of instinctive and unconscious needs. Perhaps that is why a person is not able to simply take and give up everything that brings him a pleasant feeling of satisfaction. In addition, for the sake of obtaining the desired and subsequent state of euphoria, as well as in order to avoid all sorts of unpleasant sensations (when he does not receive this), he is sometimes ready to go to great lengths. For example, taking away what interests him from others (stealing, stealing other people's husbands / wives), harming someone's success (slandering, putting "spokes in the wheels"), destroying one's relationship with someone or other people's relations (cheating, spending money on gambling to the detriment of the family budget and relationships), etc. As you can see, depending on some kind of pleasure, a person cares more about his own interests and neglects, albeit unconsciously, the needs of others. Therefore, the desire for pleasure can be safely attributed to the manifestations of personal egoism.
But not everyone and always pleasant sensations are associated only with pleasure. After all, there is also a state of joy for someone, which at first glance is very similar to the aforementioned state of receiving pleasure. But if we compare the causes due to which both these feelings arise, then the difference will be obvious. Let's look at a few examples.
What can a person be happy about? For what I bought yourself something needed; rested like myself dreaming; visited the pool and better myself feels; received an increase in his salary; his praised or thanked for something; is he ate deliciously or received sexual satisfaction. Or is he more happy with what he gave someone something needed; organized a joint holiday For others(family, friends); helped someone; cooked a delicious meal close; made beloved the person is pleased. Or from what spouse he succeeded in the performance for which he had been preparing for a long time; children make progress in their endeavors; friends business plans are being implemented. Agree, the reasons for joy in the examples described above are different. In the first case, it is really a delight from the fulfillment of one's own desires and the satisfaction that follows, that is, the reason for the positive is very selfish. In the second - the joy of one's involvement in pleasant events taking place in the lives of other people, which already implies the manifestation of the rudiments of altruism by the personality. In the third - the joy that someone else has succeeded, that is, disinterested (altruistic) joy.
By the way, the feeling of pleasure and the state of joy are accompanied by the release of various hormones in the human body. In the first case, these are dopamine and serotonin, which satisfy the needs of the personality's ego, that is, what is perceived as "I", as well as endorphin, whose function is to reduce pain in response to stress, that is, to alleviate the suffering of the personality itself, which is also associated with selfishness. In the second case, it is oxytocin, associated with the desire to benefit the common cause, the common good, or to sacrifice something for the sake of someone else. And although the mental experiences of pleasure and joy are very similar, they have completely different motivational and corresponding hormonal bases.
The examples described above show that a person is able to experience pleasant sensations of pleasure and joy as a result of the fulfillment of his selfish and altruistic desires. In other words, feel satisfied not only when myself you get something from life, but also when you share something with others, and when they are performed them desires. Therefore, in order to begin the conscious replacement of egoism with altruism, it is important for a person to learn to distinguish between these states and consciously choose among the many of his own needs those that are more interesting to him.
How you can replace the dependence of the type "selfishness → pleasure" with "altruism → joy" is described in.
4.2. Getting personal gain at the expense of others
What is "personal benefit"? This is the receipt of any - tangible or intangible - benefit or advantage for oneself personally.
Material benefit refers to any economic benefit in cash or in kind. For example, the desire to make money on another person or get some thing from him, the desire for a promotion for the sake of increasing wages, the implementation of financial fraud in order to enrich himself, etc. Such a benefit, if present in the intentions of a person, is quite simple recognize both himself and those around him.
Intangible benefit involves the receipt of any moral reward (public recognition, praise, gratitude, favor, satisfaction from success) or other intangible benefits (gaining influence on others; a sense of belonging to something significant; security, need for someone). There are many forms of manifestation of intangible self-interest. Here are a few examples: helping someone in the hope of his gratitude; marriage and childbearing motivated by fear of being alone; maintaining a relationship with someone in order to satisfy some of their own needs; establishing contacts with people to obtain the necessary information; ensuring their safety with the help of other people; achieving success in something for the sake of one's own satisfaction and others. As you can see, the intangible benefit has many faces, so it is not always possible to immediately recognize it in the actions of a person.
Often, material and non-material benefits are closely intertwined in the desires of a person and it is impossible to determine exactly which of them he is guided by when making decisions to a greater extent. But one thing is certain: every time a person seeks to get something exclusively for himself, a person is passionate about some personal gain (or pursues a personal interest).
What motivates people to seek some kind of benefit? In most cases, these are their needs for physiological survival and enjoyment. Having enough money, a person can provide himself with everything necessary for life (food, clothing, housing) and pay for the desired pleasures (stress relief, security, recreation, entertainment, comfort, and others). Intangible benefits (praise, gratitude, recognition, influence on others, relationships with someone, involvement in something), in turn, can bring people much more pleasure than material ones.
It is important to note here that the uncontrolled manifestation in a person of the survival instinct and the need for pleasure, prompting him to receive any benefit for himself from everything, is often the reason for the substitution of motives (disinterested - for more selfish ones) of his “good deeds”, imperceptible even for himself. ". This is when he does something good for others, not for the sake of these people, but in anticipation of extracting something from his act for himself. For example, giving gifts to loved ones in anticipation of their reciprocal signs of attention, helping others for the sake of achieving fame, power, or “charity” in order to receive some kind of compensation for this in the future. In such cases, these "good" deeds are not disinterested, but turn into acts of realization by a person of his own egoism.
At the same time, it cannot be argued that only the instinctive needs described above (survival and pleasure) are characteristic of a person. Instinctive are those that appear automatically, in addition to his will, and which he most often realizes unconsciously. In addition, a person can also strive to become better, help others, or do something useful for society as a whole, which can only be achieved by making certain efforts, showing a certain will and determination. In the implementation of the latter, a person can again find for himself some ─ material or non-material ─ benefit. For example, increasing self-esteem and self-esteem or getting better opportunities to realize what they want in the future. When he strives to fulfill the above described more for himself than for others, then such his desires are still selfish. But such selfishness is of a completely different order. On the one hand, it (such selfishness) can contribute to the development of destructive tendencies in the character and outlook of the individual, for example, excessive conceit based on professional or worldly competence in some matter, which usually leads to increased conflict with others. And on the other hand, such egoism can favor personal development and self-improvement in some of the life spheres, the formation of more positive and harmonious relations with others, and effective cooperation with others. From the foregoing, the conclusion suggests itself that not every human desire to satisfy personal interests (benefit) can be considered grossly selfish.
In what cases is a person's desire for any benefit a manifestation of gross personal egoism? Only in those when he tries to carry it out at the expense of others. In other words, when, for the sake of fulfilling his desires, he uses the resources of other people without demand, without compensating them for their losses in any way, for example: their time, attracting attention to himself without a significant need; their money by borrowing from them and not repaying it in a timely manner; their peace of mind, loading them with their problems and negative experiences; their dignity, showing disrespect, lowering the value of others and raising oneself above them; their achievements, striving at all costs to surpass them in something solely for the sake of rivalry and the desire to bypass them at any cost; their destinies, subordinating their lives to the realization of their ideas, etc. By doing this, a person, as a rule, neglects the needs of others and acts solely in his own interests, and therefore ─ selfishly.
Most often, such an egoist resorts to one of the following ways of obtaining personal gain: to manifest his own superiority over others (the position of a sort of “educator”) or to demonstrate his false failure in something (the position of a “victim of circumstances”). Let's take a closer look at them.
Manifestation by a person of his superiority over others is usually due to his competence in some matter, on the basis of which he in everything begins to put himself above the rest. At the same time, he tries to satisfy his interest through some kind of active (sometimes even aggressive) actions, trying to prove to himself and others his own perfection, importance and indispensability, or to put another person (people) into some kind of dependence on himself and his decisions. Among the most common examples of a person's manifestation of superiority are the following: imposing his opinion on others, giving "unsolicited" advice, neglecting the opinions of others, publicly criticizing someone or trying to shame him. Also, superiority can manifest itself, for example, in overprotection of relatives (spouse, child, parent), which infringes on their own interests; financial provision of another person in order to gain influence over him; an ambitious desire to take a leadership position, as an opportunity to manage other people; using your position (parent, boss, or public office) to achieve what you want.
A person's demonstration of false failure is usually a consequence of his incompetence in something, which he justifies by a lack of strength, talents or abilities in himself. It is false in those cases when he can develop the missing qualities and skills in himself, but for some reason does not do this, trying to compensate for them free of charge at the expense of others. In such cases, he most often takes a position of passive inaction (a victim of circumstances), expecting that others will solve his problems for him. And sometimes even tries to shift responsibility for their own lives onto them. At the same time, he most often does not openly ask for help from others, but does everything to ensure that they themselves offer it to him. For example, he complains to them about unfavorable circumstances, complains about his sluggishness or talks about his illnesses, trying to arouse pity in those around him and encourage them to help him. Or, experiencing fear of something and unwillingness to do something, instead of overcoming them in himself, on the contrary, he asks others to do what is necessary for him, arguing his request with life's difficulties, etc. And another example of the manifestation of a false insolvency: when making important life decisions (choosing one’s future profession, future spouse, planning one’s own life, forming relationships in one’s family, at work, resolving conflict situations with others), a person is based not on his own beliefs and values, but on opinions and the advice of people who are authoritative for him (spouse, parents, children, relatives, friends, colleagues), thus placing himself in a certain degree of dependence on them.
As you can see, in both ways described above, a person seeks to derive some personal benefit at the expense of other people. In other words, he expects something from them: in case of realization of superiority, ─ that others will fulfill his will and desires, and in case of demonstration of false failure, ─ that others will solve his problems for him. As a rule, when a person expects some actions from others in relation to himself, he can often resort to dishonest and selfish methods of communicating with them. For example, manipulation, lies, theft, slander, maintaining the spirit of competition where cooperation is needed, and others.
Moreover, it cannot be argued that only one of the methods of obtaining benefits described above can be peculiar to a person. Most often, the same person demonstrates both of these tendencies in different situations, compensating for their lack of confidence in one thing with a sense of superiority over others in something else. In relationships with stronger or more knowledgeable, in his opinion, people, he tends to take the position of an insecure person. And in relation to those whom he considers weaker or less competent in some area than himself, he often prefers a position of superiority.
Summing up the section, I would like to note that in the pursuit of any personal benefit (material or intangible), a person shows egoism not so much by this aspiration itself, but by what methods he achieves the desired, whether he takes into account the needs of the people around him and does not destroy their “worlds” with their decisions: does it violate their plans; does not neglect what is important to them; does not endanger their well-being; does it destroy the relationships created by him or someone else, etc. Otherwise, when he behaves exactly the opposite, he shows gross personal egoism, trying to get what he wants at the expense of others. Such behavior usually causes various negative experiences in others in the form of misunderstanding, condemnation, resentment, envy, jealousy. Therefore, if I notice someone's unfriendly attitude towards myself, then first of all I think about which of my selfish (selfish) interests I could cause such feelings in another.
About where you can start replacing the above type of selfishness with altruism, it is written in.
4.3. Manifestation of negative reactions and the search for blame
Perhaps, dear reader, you will have the following question: “Why are negative thoughts and feelings (reactions) classified as manifestations of selfishness?” The answer will be given a little later. But first, let's talk about how persistent negative emotions (negativisms) affect the human body and the circumstances of his life.
Try to remember how you usually feel physically when you are upset, afraid, annoyed, resentful, angry, judgmental, envy, jealous, guilty, or ashamed of something? Of course, each of these feelings manifest themselves in their own way. But in general, in many people, they are accompanied by a rapid heartbeat, internal arousal, increased blood pressure, a feeling of heaviness in the throat or chest, etc. The reason for this is the production of the hormones adrenaline, norepinephrine and cortisol, which put the body in a state of readiness to escape or "battle with the enemy." Thanks to the mechanism of production of the hormones listed above, the human biological body ensures its survival in this world. But with prolonged nervous overload, an excess of these hormones accumulates, which leads to disruption of the normal functioning of all organs and systems of the body, affecting the health and appearance of a person.
From the above, the conclusion follows that the more often and longer a person surrenders to the power of his negative experiences, the greater disharmony is formed in his body, which eventually leads to illness and rapid “wear and tear” of his body. In addition, his life circumstances (scenarios) are becoming less and less favorable for creativity and the formation of friendly relations with others, the conflict with them increases.
Why is the manifestation of negative thoughts and feelings attributed to egoism? Because each person (like any other form of self-consciousness) is not at all a closed energy-information structure, that is, not isolated from his environment, but, on the contrary, is in a continuous process of energy-information exchange and mutual influence with everything that surrounds him - other people , animals, plants, minerals, microorganisms, etc. Thinking about something and feeling something, each of us continuously generates waves of a certain frequency into the world around us, which affect others and cause corresponding experiences in them. Therefore, when we ourselves are in negative states, we harm not only ourselves, but also those around us. Because, having entered into resonance, they can “get infected” with a bad mood, which will entail the production of “destructive” hormones in their bodies and all the consequences of this described above. Moreover, it does not matter whether we openly show our hostility and negativism or “patiently” keep silent, while “inside us” everything is “boiling” with indignation or irritation. In both cases, our own negative realization is much more important to us than the well-being and health of others. Therefore, any manifestation by a person of his negative thoughts and feelings is attributed to egoism.
Maybe you, my dear reader, object that, they say, “in the current society, negative experiences (reactions) and the stresses that accompany them have become the norm for a modern person” or “I would not mind stopping getting angry, offended and quarreling , but the people around me do not allow me to start living differently. Therefore, let's look at the reasons for all kinds of negativism of people.
Now try to remember at least a few situations that have occurred over the past month that caused you negative emotions (despondency, irritation, anger, resentment, anger, and others). Analyze how you yourself interpreted the reasons for your negative manifestations in these situations. For example, like this: “How could he neglect my opinion ?!”, “Her words were outrageous!”, “Their ingratitude simply knows no bounds!”. Or in another way: “I reacted to his neglect with irritability and indignation; her words aroused in me indignation and resentment; feeling their ingratitude, I felt disappointed.” In the first case, the interpretation of the event is based more on emotions. In such states, a person usually takes the position of a person who is confident in his own rightness, blaming others for the inconvenience and problems caused, which only aggravates his stay in a state of negativism. When a person is able to state the very fact of an event and his reaction to it - as in the second option - then this approach opens up the possibility for him to analyze what happened, understand the reasons for what is happening and form a positive attitude towards it.
If you try to generalize the many situations that serve only occasion for the occurrence of negative experiences of their participants, then in most cases they are connected either with their unjustified expectations in relation to other people or life in general, or with their sense of injustice. However, the situations listed above are not the reasons at all. human negativity!
From the position of iissiidiology, the truer reason that some situations or actions of others can cause negative reactions in a person - from irritation, disapproval, envy and resentment to open hostility and aggression - is absence him experience precisely these experiences. Yes, it's all about experience! No matter how a person tries to convince himself and those around him that he does not want to be in negativism at all, his negative mental reactions and internal states usually indicate the opposite.
Remember, in the first section it was already discussed that self-awareness by some form of self-consciousness (human, animal, plant, mineral, microbe or other) makes it possible for everyone to get the experience he needs. A person’s lack of a certain experience creates a certain tension in his self-consciousness, which forms his interest - an internal need to experience, feel, comprehend something. And when certain events occur in his life or people meet, they usually evoke in him precisely those - negative or positive - emotions, thoughts, feelings, experiences that he lacks. That is, the life situations and actions of other people are a kind of objective reality for the individual. Objective - because a person always has the opportunity to perceive and react to them in completely different ways. But his responses to them are very subjective, since they completely depend on his personal experience, ideas and vital interests.
At the same time, it is the responses of a person to any events or other people that determine the degree of favorableness of life scenarios (circumstances and opportunities) following his experiences. The more often a person reacts negatively to something or someone, the more situations arise in her life that contribute to the realization of just such her needs. And, on the contrary, the more often a person manages to find positive motivations for any circumstances that are personally unpleasant for him and the actions of the people around him, the fewer events occur that can bring him out of mental balance, and the more balanced and harmonious his life becomes.
Agree that such an interpretation can radically change a person's approach to the perception of his own life and the actions of the people around him. A deep realization that each person himself, and not other people at all, is the culprit of any of his successes and failures, helps to become less and less angry, offended and blaming others for everything and more and more often to find the causes of everything in oneself. Such an understanding helps to stop feeling powerless in confronting one's own negativism and to justify it. And, on the contrary, it makes it possible to develop in oneself personal responsibility not only for one's own words and actions, but also for one's internal mental states, responses, thoughts, feelings and intentions.
How you can replace your negative reactions with positive ones is described in.
4.4. Feeling disconnected from others
Disengagement is usually understood as absence connections, communications between someone or something.
From the position of iissiidiology, it is impossible to say so unambiguously, because all of us (people) are always somehow connected with each other and with the forms of self-consciousness that surround us. These connections include a person's personal attitude - positive, neutral or negative - to everyone and everything that he perceives (sees, hears, touches) in the world around him. The difference in the relationship of each of the people with the rest lies only in how much his ideas about himself and the surrounding reality differ from the beliefs and priorities of others. With those with whom, in the opinion of a person, he has a lot in common, it is easy for him to communicate and build trusting relationships. So it can be argued that his and their views on life are similar, that is, compatible. And those whose words, deeds or way of life cause misunderstanding or rejection in him have life ideas that are incompatible for some reason with his own. Therefore, it is much more difficult for him to find a common language and be on good terms in dealing with such people.
Based on the above, we can say that, according to Iissidiology, disunity between people is a consequence of not absence any connection between them, availability connections potentially negative character. Potentially because the conditions in which people interact with very different and little compatible life values, interests and priorities, are very favorable for the manifestation and justification of negative attitudes towards each other, but this is not always the case.
Any division of people into groups (categories) is based on all sorts of incompatible differences in ideas, mentality, traditions and needs, both by skin color, nationality, religious grounds, and by gender, profession, material wealth, social status, lifestyle, interests, morality. -moral principles. It is much easier for a person to find a common language with those who according to the features that matter to him. belongs to the same group with him, and is much more difficult with those who, according to the same criterion, belong to another category. So, if a person is an adherent of any nationalist tendencies, then he will certainly produce conflict in relation to foreigners. If it is important for him to have some common interests or moral principles with the interlocutor, then it is likely that he will easily find a common language even with a foreigner whose worldview is similar to his own, but with his compatriots who live in completely different ways. principles, will not be able to find common points of interaction. The list of such examples is endless.
And now, dear reader, try to remember how you usually feel about those whose beliefs, life values or lifestyle differ significantly from yours? It's great if the answer is something like this: "I am always friendly to such people and try to learn as much as possible about them in order to better understand them." But what about those who do not have this at all - that is, those who, when faced with people with a completely different worldview or a different nationality, race, religion, think that " with them something is wrong", " they some are not like that” or openly shows rejection and hostility towards them?
At such moments, a person rarely thinks about the fact that perhaps the problem of his misunderstanding lies in himself. When he does not understand and condemns someone, opposes himself to others, is categorical and irreconcilable in his opinions and decisions, acts as he sees fit, then most likely he is in one of the polarities in his judgments. And as you know, each pole has its opposite. This means that, guided by some extreme (polar) ideas, a person, as a rule, does not take into account the interests and opinions of people with diametrically opposed views. Typically, such tendencies are the result of an overestimated conceit of the individual, which leads him to attempts to impose his ideas on others, manipulate them and demand from them what is beneficial to him. As a result, the tendencies described above lead to conflicts and disunity with others, and can even reach open confrontation and aggression. When a person behaves in this way, he shows, on his part, a gross personal egoism in relation to others, because he puts his own interests and views on life above the needs and opinions of those around him.
What determines a person's ability to understand the worldview and needs of other people? Latitude his attitudes and systems of perception. Namely: what variety of life values and interests of the people around him is able to understand and take into account in his choices. This is especially true for the interests of those people who may be directly affected by his decisions. This does not mean that you need to forget about your own needs and satisfy only the needs of others. Not at all! It is about always remembering that in every situation there is necessarily the most favorable outcome for all parties involved, and each time striving to find the very solution that would satisfy the interests of all.
Otherwise, when such an agreement is not reached, then surely someone remains in a state of dissatisfaction, feeling misunderstood by others. Those in whose favor the decision is made do not try or cannot understand the point of view of the latter and find the optimal solution for everyone, thereby showing “one-sidedness” (polarity) and short-sightedness of their thinking. Such cases do not have the best effect on the relations of their participants, sowing misunderstanding and discord between them.
Every person encounters the situations described above everywhere - from interpersonal relationships (deciding how to spend a day off with family or a joint vacation with friends; in work negotiations; in interactions with neighbors and others) to multilateral negotiations at the interstate level (on issues of politics, economics, education, ecology, etc.). Usually they involve at least several parties, each of which has its own interests. They can either coincide with the interests of others, or contradict them. The outcome of each of the situations listed above usually leads either to disunity between its participants, or, conversely, to unity.
Let us summarize the above in the following conclusions: when a person is not able to understand and accept the actions of other people, he is absolutely convinced of his own rightness and the wrongness of others; guided only by his own ideas about what is “good” and “right” and what is “bad” and “wrong”, then he shows egocentrism, intolerance and the desire to separate from the rest. The reason for this limitation of personality is the result imperfections her same perception systems, and not at all the narrowness of the views of others.
4.5. Section Conclusions
Summing up this section, I would like to recall the four signs of manifestation of personal egoism discussed above. This is − the need for pleasure, personal gain at the expense of others, the manifestation of negative reactions and the search for blame, a sense of separation from others. Agree that for the majority of people at least one of these criteria is still the norm of their life and relationships with relatives and friends and is quite naturally transferred by them from the interpersonal level of relations to the collective. This explains the fact why in today's society selfish foundations and norms of relations are firmly rooted in almost all spheres of life. After all, it cannot be otherwise: if many people are still characterized to some extent by gross selfish tendencies and needs, then the society they have formed will have the same signs.
If a person wants to somehow change the existing state of affairs or relations with someone in a more favorable direction, first of all, he needs to figure out, on the basis of the signs described above, which of his habitual stereotypes of thinking and behavior are selfish. And begin to gradually replace egoism with altruism, which over time will naturally lead to significant changes in his own life, relationships with others and in society as a whole. About how, in my opinion, you can gradually cultivate altruism in yourself, I told in the next, fifth, section of the article.
Egocentrism is the inability or unwillingness of an individual to consider a point of view other than his own as worthy of attention.
Intolerance - intolerance to a different worldview, lifestyle, behavior and customs; the opposite of tolerance.
Views: 3377When a person hears about selfishness, the thought immediately arises in his head that this is very bad. Being selfish is immoral, immoral, horrible and simply outrageous - an example of the most typical reaction to selfishness. Where does such a public position come from?
From childhood, any little person is taught kindness, and, accordingly, a kind attitude towards others. “Do not hurt the kitten,” they tell us, “Help the sick neighbor throw out the garbage,” they ask us, “Let the mother and child go ahead,” they guide us. Indeed, simple good deeds, which anyone can do, are brought up in a child the ability to take care of someone, to be an attentive and virtuous person.
We need to figure out how the good intentions of a person eventually turn around against him. We have grown up, matured, fully entered society, we have our own beliefs that we defend, our own principles by which we live. If we come from the same country, then most likely we have similar political views. If we are moviegoers, then perhaps we have seen the same films with you that we loved and are close to our attitude to life. Let's turn to them now It is in art that the universal worldview is reflected.
If you look at world film history, then, like world literature, it is filled with a certain set of typical schemes-plots, which are only transformed by the artist, but whose essence remains unchanged.
To clarify what I'm talking about, I'll ask you a question: how often have you seen films in which evil wins? Not just films with a sad ending, where, for example, a person died of an illness or a film where a dog dies without waiting for the owner, as in the famous film "Hachiko".
I mean, how often have you seen a movie where a killer with a satisfied smirk on his face celebrates his outrages and ends the movie with that smile of his? Or where, for example, inveterate terrorists who buried tens of hundreds of people, happy after a successfully completed task, return to their homeland and continue to enjoy life.
I think your answer will be no. In sad films, tragic events are presented as the result of a combination of unfavorable circumstances, as a blow of fate, an inexorable fate. You will not find films that end with a clear triumph of specific intruders. We have always been taught the axiom: Good - conquers evil ". This was an example plot-scheme which is universal and relevant for all time.
But there are other typical plots as well, for example, a scenario based on a brave hero who throws everything he has on the altar of humanity. We are talking about such films, where the self-sacrifice of one person for the benefit of another or even for the benefit of the whole society rises. Thus, the superiority of collective interests over personal interests is cultivated according to the principle: to live for oneself is low, one should strive to help everyone around, to live for others is noble.
Every person only wants the best for himself. Some of the people also wish the best for others. Where is the fine line between the desire to succeed for yourself and the desire to help others? How to strike this difficult balance?
The fact is that among the majority of people such an idea is really sown that living for yourself is shameful . When a person does what is beneficial for him, he is often stigmatized "selfish". What is selfishness? Let us turn to the opinions of famous great people.
Some of them admit that selfishness is unambiguously vicious:
Personal egoism is the father of meanness.
M. GorkyThe egoist lives only in himself and for himself, and if his “I” is distorted, then he has nothing to live with.
N. OstrovskyEgoism is the root cause of cancer of the soul.
V. SukhomlinskyWhen selfish happiness is the only goal of life, life very soon becomes devoid of purpose. R. Rolland
The most honorable victory is the one won over selfishness. P. Buast
This is one side of the coin, which tries to prove to us that being an egoist is bad and unworthy. One of the opinions is that a highly moral person will do something for another rather than for himself. There is also a Russian proverb that confirms this opinion - “he will give his last shirt” - which depicts before us an altruistic person who does not feel sorry for anything for those around him.
There are other opinions as well. The famous writer Ambrose Bierce talks about selfishness with humor like this: An egoist is a person of bad taste who is more interested in himself than in me. .
It speaks of selfishness rather as an integral part of human nature, and the writer laughs at the condemnation of selfishness.
The Russian writer Fyodor Mikhailovich Dostoevsky writes the following about egoism: “But what should I do if I know for sure that the deepest egoism lies at the basis of all human virtues. And the more virtuous the deed, the more selfishness there is. Love yourself - that's one rule that I recognize. Life is a business deal."
Why, according to Dostoevsky, is egoism the basis of virtue? What idea did the great writer want to convey?
Let's approach the problem through the following example. You have a good life and are well settled in life. Apartment, work, comfort - you have it all, you are satisfied. But you have worked hard to live as well now as you live. In addition, you are a great friend and agree to shelter your friend, who has been hit by a sea of problems: fired from work, a family collapsed, an open loan. You feel sorry for your friend, you are ready to help him, which you do. As a result, after a couple of weeks, you realize that your friend still lives with you, eats at your expense, borrows money for personal expenses, but the situation does not change and he is still unhappy.
Difficult situation, what do you do in this situation? After all, you, as a true non-egoist, diligently take care of your friend, in the hope that he will get on his feet very soon ....
But are you familiar with the expression "doing a disservice"? If you look at the situation with your friend from the other side, does it not seem to you that you are doing him a disservice? Perhaps your friend himself is to blame for the misfortunes that happened to him, because somewhere he neglected work, did not want to improve relations with his wife, spent money on “petty joys” and therefore did not make a payment at the bank on time. Are you obliged to answer for his carelessness? Yes, you selflessly help him, but at the same time you deprive him of the opportunity to overcome difficulties and achieve success. Maybe if you decided to talk to him, and not blindly provide him with unlimited help, your comrade's affairs would go uphill faster and he would seriously think about his life? But this is just one example of how selfishness can really turn into a virtue and good for another person .... Someone will say that this is cruel, but still, for a start, it is worth thinking about it carefully.
A person's desire for their own well-being is normal . After all, each of us wants to eat deliciously every day, dress decently, build a career, perhaps have our own business, not count money for the realization of our interests. Everyone wants to live well, is there anything wrong with that? Why are most of us so ashamed to admit that we want something for ourselves first and then for someone else?
For most people, actions by which they do something extremely useful for themselves cause immediate guilt . This gives rise to a complex - "I am not worthy / not worthy of happiness." The consequences of this complex are visible everywhere: in a situation where a wife tolerates an alcoholic husband, and when a subordinate suffers a fool-boss, and even when you spend a lot of time listening to someone else's problems, forgetting about your own important things for you.
The German philosopher, sociologist and psychoanalyst of the 20th century Erich Fromm noted that two opposing visions of this problem converged in Western culture: the first is egoism is forbidden, it is a sin, the second is egoism is an incentive for human development. According to the thinker, the fact that a person is constantly torn between these essentially different views deprives him of a full-fledged formation as a person and creates mental discord. After much thought, Erich Fromm came to the following conclusion:
“If a man is capable of fruitful love, he also loves himself, and if he can only love others, he is not capable of love at all . In a word, the failure of modern culture is not that people are too selfish, selfish, but that "they do not love themselves." Ultimately, it turns out that in reality the egoist not only ignores other people, but also hates himself, while true love involves the ability to love both yourself and others ».
Psychologists say that the basis of the motivation of any person for any action is selfishness. They recognize that this is a natural human trait that should not be ashamed. For example, if you give someone support, you do it not out of nobility, but out of selfishness. Why? Because you yourself, helping a person, experience pleasure, respectively, you provide assistance out of an egoistic desire to receive positive emotions for yourself.
Even Friedrich Nietzsche said that “egoism is a virtue”, if it weren’t for it, noble deeds would not be done. The philosopher argued that when doing a good deed, a person thinks about himself like this - “how good I am, what a good fellow I am that I help another”, therefore, even in altruism, the organizing principle will be your individual desire to satisfy, first of all, your inner “I ".
Psychologists divide egoism into reasonable and unreasonable. The first, in their opinion, is when a person recognizes the true egoistic motivation of his actions, does not run away from it, does not fool others, and, most importantly, himself. For example, if an individual, who is controlled by healthy, reasonable egoism, gives his neighbor a gift, he recognizes the fact that, firstly, he himself likes to give gifts, this is his personal pleasure, and, secondly, he does not hide that in the future expects the same reciprocal step from this person. If a person is controlled by unreasonable, or unhealthy, egoism, then this person will desperately pretend that he gave a gift "without expecting anything in return" and "completely disinterestedly." Ultimately, this person will later suffer from a feeling of dissatisfaction, because he did not receive anything in return, although he positioned himself as a person who gives his attentions for free. According to experts, such incorrect psychological attitudes do not lead to anything good, and give rise to conflicts, both internal (the individual with himself) and external (the individual with "ungrateful" others).
In general, there can be several conclusions:
- everything needs a measure, and egoism too;
- helping others is great, the main thing is to realize why you are doing it;
- taking care of yourself is important, personal interests should come first, and this is completely normal.
What do you think about selfishness?
- Falling away and betrayal
At all times, people betrayed and cowardly. What is betrayal? Is it always a betrayal? Why does a person decide to betray? All these questions we must solve, as always, in three contexts: from the point of view of philosophy, psychology and pedagogy. It must be said right away that betrayal makes sense only in logic, because this way of thinking is not reasonable and there is not a single reasonable conclusion and not a single reasonable action. Therefore, we will consider betrayal as a phenomenon of a society of egoists. After all, egoists live for themselves, and they can easily betray, for example, leave a woman whom they swore in love with, leave a child, become an enemy to their friend. If we think logically, then we may not be so categorical and consider every moment of BETRAYAL on earth and justify it as not a betrayal, find reasons and prerequisites, see negative traits in those whom we betray, etc. However, BETRAYAL will not cease to be as such in terms of truth. The truth is that if a person thought about another person, and not about himself, he would, in principle, not be able to betray, he would not see the point in this. TO BETRAY means to leave a person to the mercy of fate, to leave him at a difficult time, to deceive his hopes and expectations, that is, to commit meanness, cruelty, and therefore cease to be a person. Take a traitor to the motherland. We can, of course, only consider this phenomenon in context. After all, war and military patriotism do not make sense. All actions in them are the basis of cruelty and madness. Therefore, a traitor to the Motherland can be condemned only in relation to the Motherland that he betrayed. And here his BETRAYAL is double madness, because having betrayed one Motherland, there is no guarantee that he will be faithful to another, therefore the traitor will be despised everywhere. Let's take the betrayal of a loved one. How to call this action? After all, betraying loved ones, we may not doom them at all, because they may well exist happily without us. There is also no deceit here, because marriage is a contract on mutually beneficial terms, so if one of the parties is not satisfied with the conditions, she terminates the contract. We can also logically justify our BETRAYAL by saying that our act is the fault of the person we betrayed. A person can also abandon his child, that is, deprive him of his father, which means upbringing and development. There can be only one reason for this - selfishness.
Let's look at the phenomenon of BETRAYAL in nature. We know perfectly well how faithful a dog is to a person. And she herself will never change the owner. Give your well-trained dog to another person and that dog may die of boredom. What exactly does an animal appreciate in a person?
Why doesn't it betray him? This can be called attachment to the one who feeds and teaches. That is, it can be assumed that the animal sees that a person lives for him and decides to live for a person. Therefore, we have greater harmony with animals than with each other.
What is FALLING OUT? Let's take a situation. We are in the company of people who are plotting to kill a man. Since we already own this information, that is, we are dependent on the conditions, we will have to decide just a couple of TREASON - FALLING OFF. After all, if we refuse to participate in this cruel act, we may be declared traitors, since there is no guarantee that we will not try to prevent a crime by breaking free. The most important thing is not to doubt in your thoughts and not to lose confidence in what needs to be done. After all, if we ourselves consider that betrayal is worse than murder, then we will commit unconditional evil, we will become an accomplice in crime. Although if we have information about the murder and do not take any measures to prevent it, we already become accomplices, whether we like it or not. Indifference to another person will not make us a person. What is clear in this situation is that you need to refuse to participate in a crime, which means choosing the TREASON of those who commit it. Here you need to get out of the logical context, exclude conditions, that is, do not take into account the eyes of the killers and make a reasonable choice - FALLING OFF. Falling away is a refusal, for salvation. If we use reason, we just have to dissuade criminals from doing evil, but most likely no one will listen to us. So we need to first save ourselves from madness. If by choosing FALLING we create a threat to our lives, then the situation will be extremely tense. The fact is that in no case should we perceive our own life above someone else's. It will be pure selfishness. Usually a person betrays only out of fear.
Remember a couple of caution and fear, we need to be prudent so as not to get into such situations. Such moments in life do not give wisdom, they only destroy the personality of a person.
In general, a person betrays when conditions change, both for the worse and for the better. For example, when a modern person starts to earn more money, he most often changes friends, because the envy of less successful friends makes friendships impossible. But betrayal is a mutual concept. After all, the old friends we betray are not trying to regain friendship. They just turn away too, accusing us of arrogance. The same thing happens with abandoned spouses. They immediately make new friends. This is because we do not see each other as individuals. We communicate on the basis of mutual benefit. What then to expect from people around devotion and respect?
Together with your child, find the boundary when BETREATHING becomes FALLING and vice versa. This is a very important couple for a person. Your son may consider himself a traitor to the company if, for example, he refuses to start smoking. He should not be led by his unworthy feelings, such as fear and doubt, but rather tell others how to live in order to be respected. We will call a falling away the firmness of convictions based on true knowledge, and BETREACH the weakness of the spirit. Take the context of a feud between two companies. Friends may accuse you of betrayal if you do not fight with them for the honor of your entire company. Falling away is the best way out here, it just needs to be skillfully substantiated. Two different factions of people oppose each other because of the distorted stereotype that betrays justice as cruelty. In situations where people are at enmity and hurt each other, it is necessary to abandon selfishness, that is, not to consider enemies as enemies, because they are the same people who, for some reason, ended up on the other side of the barricade. The personality thinks about all people at once, so the most reasonable choice is to find a way to reconcile both companies and save everyone from bloodshed at once. In military conflicts and clashes, when selfishness is aggravated to the limit and intensified by rage and pain of losses, it is difficult to get out of the logical context, because everything is mixed up on the feelings of the affected parties, thirsting for revenge and cruelty. A person must be extremely prudent so as not to bring irritation between people to the point of insanity. Therefore, falling away, that is, disagreeing with the selfish opinion of friends, should be emphasized everywhere by those who have true knowledge of the world. Couples will help you in resolving all conflicts on Earth, because they will emphasize selfishness, which is the cause of clashes. People live so closely on this vast planet that they are ready to die for every meter of empty and unusable land. In war, the soldier does his duty and obeys the orders of the commander, which are perceived as true. We came up with laws by which you can confidently take the lives of other people, but a soldier is a living person and the brain of a person with a weapon always betrays doubt and fear when he pulls the trigger of a machine gun. Politicians throughout the history of mankind have wove intrigues and solved their selfish tasks, using the stupid desire of the military for iron stars and crosses to go to death for who knows what. For some reason, statesmen never had the brains to save their people from bloodshed. World wars would not be possible if the mighty of this world knew how to negotiate and take care of their peoples, and not about their power and greatness. Today, a person is afraid to disobey his commander, because he is depressed by the military regulations and the fact that he is alone. Disagreeing with your commander does not mean betraying your homeland and your people. Loving your people does not mean killing representatives of other nations. Probably, none of the people on Earth wants wars, except for those who control the masses, which is why politics is called a dirty business. After all, the politician is also afraid that he will be reproached for betrayal if he, together with others, does not divide and rule. A soldier, as a person in a reasonable sense, must not suppress, threaten and kill, he must protect people and justice, and warn. And the meaning of a politician is not to use the soldiers, but, on the contrary, to make sure that he does not shoot. To do this, the politician must be resourceful in reaching agreement with other politicians and establishing reason in the world. The falling away of a politician is that he should not agree with the injustice in the world, and should not consider it a betrayal, of course, if he is true to his consciousness, is aware of his actions and correlates them with the general meaning and aspirations of his people.
