When do people use non-constructive criticism?

1. When people can't do as well as the opponent they're criticizing.

They use non-constructive criticism to underestimate the merits of the opponent, because. inside themselves, they cannot rejoice at the success and achievements of the opponent.

2. When people think that they have done something or acted perfectly, but at the same time they are not.

They unconstructively criticize the work of others, thinking that they can elevate their own work even more, and underestimate the work of others.

3. An attempt to gain power over another person by lowering his self-esteem with biased criticism.

4. An attempt to assert itself over other people, because lacks self-confidence.

5. Trying to find someone to blame for your own failure.

6. A person is too much to objectively evaluate anything.

7. A person is afraid to show sincere feelings, does not know how to make compliments.

8. Trying to set a high unattainable standard in order to get the impossible.

Unconstructive criticism always creates dislike and repels other people.

Negative criticism always negatively affects any person, thereby demotivating him.

Negative criticism is always destructive and carries condemnation, hostility, rejection of other people (their actions and tastes).

If you're unnecessarily to yourself,or to other people, stop. Perhaps - this is due to internal fears and self-doubt. Or you have adopted someone's behavior model.

The easiest way to stop unconstructively criticizing others is to gain confidence in yourself.

Any assumption, in principle, can be criticized. Scientific objectivity is that anyone can criticize. Karl Raimund Popper

Every day we endure criticism from numerous people. Behavior, statements, appearance, etc. are subject to evaluation. And this evaluation is not always pleasant. If the meaningful views of a stranger can be ignored, then the statements of relatives or friends are sometimes perceived very painfully. However, we ourselves also evaluate other people. How to express your opinion correctly so as not to cause negative emotions?

Criticism and its types

Having an opinion and expressing it out loud is normal. That is what is called criticism. What matters is how it is presented. Constructive criticism aims to be useful, to point out mistakes and how to correct them. It is expressed in the form of advice, objective analysis, recommendations. Destructive criticism is also a way to give an assessment, but it does not carry any benefit. This method is used to make a person lose his temper and, under the influence of momentary emotions, abandon his plans.

Principles of constructive criticism

• Objectivity. Express your opinion, but do not pretend that it is the only true one.
• Concreteness. Focus on specific points, not on the whole work.
• Argumentation. Show what your assessment is based on, justify your opinion.
• Experience and practice. Examples from personal life are very revealing. Tell us how you avoided mistakes or corrected them.
• Professionalism. If you are well versed in the issue that you criticize, then you will be listened to. Otherwise, you risk being branded as an amateur.
• No transition to personality. Criticize the work, not the person, show respect for the opponent.
• Focus on the positives. Pointing out the shortcomings of the work, do not forget to mention its merits.

How to criticize

When evaluating the actions of another person, it is important that he hears what you have to say. Here are some rules for constructive criticism:

1. Express your opinion when you are one on one with a person. Respect your opponent, do not make his mistakes public.
2. Suggest solutions to the problem. Help with advice or deed, otherwise the meaning of criticism will be unclear.
3. Keep calm. The opponent will respond to aggressive statements with aggression.
4. Evaluate work in a timely manner. If constructive criticism is expressed after a long time, you will be considered a quarrelsome, vindictive person.
5. Alternate negative moments with praise. A person will feel that he is valued, despite the mistakes made. He will try to justify the trust and will not make such mistakes in the future.
6. Criticism is a dialogue. Let your opponent speak. Perhaps he could not influence the situation that led to the errors.
7. You can't criticize by referring to others. Be responsible for your words, otherwise you will be accused of spreading gossip.
8. When the causes of errors and solutions are found, leave this question. No need to constantly remind the opponent of his mistakes.
9. If the opponent is irritated and unable to adequately perceive your words, postpone the conversation for a while.

Scope of constructive criticism

Evaluating is not as easy as it seems. Sometimes even a very restrained critic can lose his temper and be overly emotional. But there are areas in which destructive criticism is unacceptable in any case.

The first relates to the leader-subordinate relationship. With the help of constructive criticism, it is necessary to correct the actions of the employee. Otherwise, the person will perform poorly and will have to be fired.

Another area is the educator (parent, teacher) - the child. Destructive criticism reduces the self-esteem of a small person. If a child is constantly told that he does everything badly, then he grows into a weak, insecure person.

The third area is education. Constructive criticism of the teacher guides the student, helps to eliminate mistakes and gain new knowledge. A negative assessment has the opposite effect - the desire to learn disappears, knowledge is not acquired.

Examples of constructive criticism

How easy it is to express your opinion under the influence of emotions ... The result of destructive criticism is resentment and unwillingness to listen. But you can say the same thing with different words. Let's look at a few examples.

• “What were you thinking when you wrote the report? This is no good! Change everything immediately!"

Nobody likes a rude boss. It is better to say about the shortcomings in a different way:

• “Ivan Ivanovich, you are a good specialist, but the figures in the last column of the report are incorrect. Fix them please. I hope you will be more careful next time. Your diligence and responsibility are valuable qualities for our company.”

• “Why are you wearing that awful dress? It has a bad color and hangs on you like a sack."

After such a phrase, a quarrel with a friend is guaranteed. Better to rephrase:

• “I really liked the dress you wore at the weekend. It well emphasizes the figure, and the color to the face. And this outfit is too pale for you. Besides, you have a beautiful figure, and this dress hides it.

• “Ham! You can't connect a couple of words! You're talking nonsense!"

An argument in a work environment will escalate into a quarrel if both opponents are unrestrained. It's better to say:

• “No need to be rude. I think you should apologize. Don't rush to answer next time. You are too emotional. First calm down, consult, then express your opinion.

How not to respond to criticism

1. “I was criticized, so I won’t succeed.” Low self-esteem is the first step to failure. Even if the result of the work done turned out to be imperfect, this is not a reason to become discouraged. You must always believe in yourself, and criticism will help correct the situation.
2. “They spoke to me too emotionally, which means that I do everything badly.” What is important is not so much the form of presentation of the assessment as its content. Both constructive and destructive criticism can be expressed too emotionally. It's all about the person who voices their opinion. Here it is important to discard unnecessary emotions and hear useful recommendations.
3. “They criticize me. We need to respond urgently." An instant reaction to an assessment is not always good. If the criticism was destructive, the opponent spoke in a raised voice, then there is a risk that you will be drawn into this emotional state, and a quarrel will result in communication. It is better to take a break, calm down and think over your answer.
4. “If they criticize me, then they find fault with me.” See other people's evaluations as a help, not as a way to throw you off balance. Criticized? Not scary. Now you know what not to do, and do not make mistakes in the future.
5. "I don't care if they criticize me." The lack of response to an assessment is just as bad as an instant response. Think about what lies behind the criticism? Maybe you are in danger, and the opponent warns about it.
6. "I'm frustrated by the criticism so I can't do anything." Don't take other people's opinions to heart. Constructive criticism provides an opportunity to avoid mistakes or correct them. The main thing is to be less emotional when making a decision.
7. “They criticize me because they don’t like me / quarreled / they envy me ...” The search for motives can lead to the opposite result. While you are looking for the reasons for the criticism, the time for correcting errors will be lost. It is more important to understand what they say, and not why they do it.
8. “Everyone criticizes me because they don’t understand anything.” If different people give the same rating, think about it, maybe you are doing something wrong.
9. “They don’t tell me anything, so I’m doing everything right.” Criticism is not always explicit. For example, a subordinate or unfamiliar person cannot speak openly. However, some actions or words may be hidden criticism. It is important to see it and take action if common sense prevails in the assessment, and not emotions.

Criticize properly. But if possible, it is better to refrain from statements. Criticism can hurt and destroy good relationships.

Yesterday we already wrote an article about. Whatever you do, you will be criticized. Moreover, they will criticize and make comments even when you have already achieved some significant success in a new business. That is, not always criticism is really on the case.

Imagine a situation. You aspired to something, you just got something and suddenly there were people who started to scold, express negativity and dissatisfaction with your initiative. This can be expressed in different ways. Starting from the fact that “you are doing something wrong” and ending with “no one will need it.” In a word, to continue to act in your own way without looking back even at such negativity from the outside.

First of all, you need to understand that criticism is normal. Only those who do nothing at all do not make mistakes. Exactly as well as criticism is usually received by those who are busy with business. No wonder there is a saying among the people: "The initiative punishes the initiator." In this sense, the mere existence of criticism is not so bad. So you did something and got a reaction. Perhaps inadequate or painful, but it is often better than nothing.

Criticism from competent and knowledgeable people will be more valuable. In this case, their criticism will be constructive and will carry useful advice. Often, criticism brings very valuable ideas and thoughts about how to do something better. People who say things should be listened to.

But there are times when criticism is destructive for one reason or another. Perhaps they want you, or it’s just that the person was not in an adequate condition and you fell under his hot hand. We are all human beings and the so-called human factor cannot be discounted. You always need to think about whether this or that criticism was really constructive and whether it should be heeded at all. Logic will also help you understand the motives of the critic. It is necessary not only to listen to criticism, but also to be able to. At the same time, it is necessary, which will not necessarily coincide with the opinions of other people.

Signs of unconstructive criticism

When you are criticized carry one negative and at the same time do not offer any alternatives- a clear sign of an unconstructive position, which can be safely equated with informational noise and not react to it in any way. And phrases like “you are doing something wrong”, “you will not succeed” or “get a normal job (in the sense that you are doing nonsense)” - all this can be safely called empty phrases that you simply need to try not to pay attention. Especially if these judgments are not based on objective facts.

Sometimes you can criticize out of jealousy or simply because they want you to be like the vast majority of ordinary people. Sometimes unconstructive criticism can be well-intentioned. However, we all know the folk wisdom that “the road to hell is paved with good intentions.”

You just need to know that there will always be people who genuinely don't like what you do. For example, there are aggressive opponents of iPhone smartphones. Despite the fact that objectively, the iPhone is traditionally what sets the bar for the entire smartphone market. No matter how cool what you do, there will always be not only opponents, but even haters. This is fine.

For example, the creator of an affordable car Henry Ford At one time they considered almost mentally ill. However, he did not pay attention to this criticism and continued to purposefully move towards his goals. You may be surrounded by different points of view and there may be different criticism. You always need to see the rational grain in everything, and you should not react to empty emotions or outright nonsense.

So, destructive criticism- this is criticism, which rather does not help the cause, but hinders it. Such criticism can be aimed at undermining your self-confidence, humiliating, and so on. Psychologists refer to destructive criticism as a form of passive-aggressive behavior, and it can also become a form of manipulation.

For example, you were insulted in the expectation that you would take a defensive position, begin to make some mistakes, or maybe even give up on a new idea soon. Experienced psychologists advise to treat false and unfounded criticism without emotions and consider it as one of the forms of manipulating you. If you swing on emotions, you can do what is expected of you. Restraint will help you not fall into an emotional spiral and will allow you to keep a cool mind to make informed decisions.

In the end, it can be assumed that the person who criticizes you is not at all jealous and does not try to manipulate you. Perhaps his judgments are wrong in principle, or he does not have complete information on a particular issue. In this situation, one should either ignore criticism or defend one's point of view with arguments.

Often people who have chosen a slightly unusual life path can be subjected to false criticism. A simple person, seeing that you are different from him, may, out of good intentions, try to return you to the ranks of the same “normal” people like him. But who determines what is normal and what is not?

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People exchange information, as do all living beings on earth. Even bacteria communicate with each other using certain chemicals. They tell their neighbors in the microbial colony what is going on outside their population. How is it with food, with oxygen, with enemy bacteria and viruses, and in general ... is there life behind a Petri dish.

In psychology, there is a lot of talk about messages - "mutual strokes." These are situations when we tell each other that we are pleasant and accepted by each other. It's like mutual complements, but in everyday life such positive support is less noticeable and occurs almost automatically. We like a person, we send him signals that he is OK, and he returns the same to us.

But people not only praise each other. Many things in relationships and interactions are OK and many are not. So, an equally integral part of psychological interactions is telling others that you do not feel good in a relationship. By the way, this is also important. Everyone has mirror neurons that determine the ability to empathize, but empathy is still largely a matter of imagination. People take into account what their own experience tells them. As a result, they can do with others as the content of their psyche dictates to them. It is far from a fact that others want exactly what we think we would like in their place. Thus, it is very useful to communicate in words that I am not well, I don’t want it this way, but I want it differently. In fact, to inform the opponent that his behavior is undesirable.

Another point that is necessary in a relationship is the opportunity to communicate your point of view, to tell how you see this or that situation. So to speak, check the maps of the world. Do you see what I see? Are we talking about the same thing or different things? The vision of situations may differ. The existence of one point of view may negate another, making it automatically wrong.

Actually, these two types of communication form the basis of criticism. Naturally, everyone can say this in different ways and for different purposes. In this regard, there are such types of criticism:

1. Constructive when messages are intended to improve the existing state of affairs, improve relationships, understand each other better. At the same time, the person who criticizes:

Kindly disposed.
- does not cross social boundaries
- does not get into the personal space of the criticized
- interested in developing some new solution
- ready to give up their positions for the sake of consensus
- does it in a timely manner, i.e. when a fix is ​​possible
- can clearly explain what he wants.

2. Non-constructive criticism is associated with situations where it is useless. It can be given:

It's too late (you should have done...)
- an incompetent person (if I were a pilot ...)
- not applicable to a specific situation (what to do with a noisy child, without knowing why the child is noisy)
- the meaning of criticism contradicts the desire of the criticized (I need to buy not apples, but pears. What should I do if I want pears?)
- based on someone else's experience, the value of which is doubtful (here is my great-grandfather in 1812 ...)

3. Destructive criticism, in fact, is not criticism, but a form of aggression. No one seeks any consensus, but satisfies their emotional needs by unleashing all sorts of negativity on the criticized. Or in this case, criticism is used as a tool of manipulation. The main message of such criticism is to lower the opponent at least one step lower and win due to this. Get the other to do what the critic wants. And if you don’t force them to do it, then at least make the criticized feel guilty and ashamed.

At the same time, the critic usually cannot properly explain what he does not like specifically, what needs to be done to like it (“kill yourself against the wall” and absurd remarks do not count). His criticism sounds like an order and an insult. Such criticism is often based on an assessment of the personality of the criticized.

Not necessarily destructive criticism - it's op and swearing. More often than not, everything goes quite calmly and even disguised as good intentions. Such destructive criticisms are masked in order to reduce the victim's ability to defend himself or to somehow improve and be better. Consensus and precise instructions are not included in the plans, because they make it pointless to pour negative emotions onto the victim.

For example, unsolicited advice is very often actually destructive criticism. A mother-in-law, eating a daughter-in-law's cake, may give the phrase "if you want to bake a really good cake, then you need to buy better quality products." This often implies that "the cake that you pretend to call good sucks because you put all kinds of rubbish in it", which means "you are a trashy hostess." Such criticism is very often disguised as a wish for good, but in fact such critics care very little about what kind of cake comes out next.

The second variant of disguised destructive criticism is "critical IMHO". People express their negative assessment of anything as an axiom. Because that's how they see it. They refuse to discuss or somehow enter into a discussion about what they do not like. The main idea is that they can just say any kind of nasty things in any form, and others should listen to it. Moreover, gratitude and appreciation are expected for every tub of dirt they pour on the criticized.

Again, a lot comes from childhood. Often criticism from parents is just unconstructive, but rather manipulative. They try to induce feelings of guilt and shame in the child. After the child, this is presented as a manifestation of love. After all, if you do not criticize, then a person will not grow out of a child. If they criticize, then they love, then they don’t give a damn about you. If no one criticizes you, then no one needs you. The harsher the criticism, the more useful it is. Everyone should endure criticism, because it is "for good"

Based on this, there are several myths about criticism and its significance in life:

1. Only insecure wimps don't like criticism.. In fact, among the streams of criticism towards any person, the most part is occupied by non-constructive and destructive criticism. For what purpose should these types of criticism be loved and tolerated? They are of little use in life. In addition to unpleasant emotions from the invasion of borders, a person receives nothing. In this case, a weakling can be called a person who does not protect himself from the flow of useless critical information, does not say “no” to “evil critics”.

2. Critical people always give a person the opportunity to see themselves from the other side.. In fact, critics have a very specific and far from unbiased view. Often they simply project their problems onto others. Information about the inner world and inner conflicts criticism is completely useless to most people.

3. People around you know more about you, so you need to listen to what they tell you.. This statement resonates with number 2. And even if they do know more, it is not at all necessary that their opinion about what they know will turn out to be correct and necessary.

4. If you said "A", be prepared to be stoned for it.. Many believe that your every act unties the hands of others for any kind of aggression. It's like "I went out in a short skirt, don't complain about being raped, I wanted to." If you posted photos, get a tub of brown "IMHO" in the face. Wrote about something personal in the diary, be prepared to mix your personality with dirt.

5. If I want good for a person (even theoretically), then I can not restrain myself. "Good" is a very loose concept. Not all good things are needed.

6. If you are criticized, they want you well.

7. Without criticism, you cannot become better than you are now.. And if you refuse to listen to critical remarks in your address, then people will stop loving you.

Why do critics do this? One of the most serious factors pushing destructive criticism and part of non-constructive criticism is the presence of an inflated self. “I” is very important, “my opinion is very important” for everyone, it cannot be disputed. If you say that my opinion is not important to you, then I can stop loving you (I will defrown you!). You can't think of anything worse than this. And I will never tell you my opinion again. It's like an anathema.

Another reason, no less significant, is the very childhood habits associated with criticism. People sometimes just do not think of other relationships, friendship and love. That is, how, that's all, and without criticism? What to talk about? How to take care of friends, loved ones, relatives?

Another important reason is that people do not know how to cope with their negative emotions, let them go in the right direction without dumping them on others, raise their self-esteem by working on themselves, and not by humiliating others.

And of course, not only critics play a role in this phenomenon. Not only the content is important, but also its perception.

Criticism is always unpleasant, and those who claim to love criticism are lying. Constructive criticism is a gentle form of remarks that are difficult to offend. Attention should be focused on ways to correct mistakes, and not on the personality of the criticized or the terrible consequences of his activities.

A good writer is not necessarily a good critic, just as a good drunk is not necessarily a good bartender. Jim Bishop

It is difficult to come to terms with the fact that you are criticized, but there is criticism that is difficult to be offended by - this is constructive criticism. Its essence is that the emphasis is not on what is bad, but on what to do to make it better. For example, you can say: “You did well, but I think the result will be better if you change this…”.

The purpose of constructive criticism is not only to identify the problem, but also to solve it. It is based on the desire to help a person, and it is aimed at a specific problem.

Constructive criticism has its antipode - it is non-constructive criticism. It, unlike constructive criticism, is not aimed at helping to solve the problem, but at the personality of the opponent, his humiliation and insult.

It is curious that criticism with good intentions and a desire to help and, it would seem, constructive, cannot be called such if the person to whom it is directed perceives it negatively.

An example of constructive criticism

The editor reads the translation of the text and sees errors in it. He says to the translator: “I am glad that it was you who undertook this translation. But, unfortunately, I saw several errors in the text. This phrase is translated close to the original, but in Russian it is impossible to say so. It would be better to do so ... ".

An example of non-constructive criticism

If in the same case the editor says: “What did you translate there? Impossible to read - a lot of errors. It seems that the translation was done by a person who hit his head hard”, then this will be unconstructive criticism.

Criticizing in this way, it is easy to run into aggressiveness, hostility and ruin relationships for life. And such criticism hurts a too impressionable and sensitive person and instills in him a lack of confidence in himself and in his abilities.

How to learn to criticize "constructively"?

It is impossible to do without criticism, and it is not necessary. It is necessary both in office and in personal relationships. Without it, it is impossible to solve problems and move forward. Erian Schultz wrote: “Why are we afraid of criticism? After all, criticism, in fact, educates us, and even for free.”

But in order for criticism to be productive, and not offensive and offensive, you need to know a few rules.

Pay attention to the tone in which you express your claims. Most people respond adequately to benevolent treatment. At the same time, with people who divide everyone into strong and weak, it is better to speak firmly and harshly (but not rudely).

The rules of constructive criticism suggest the possibility of an agreement, so even if you are overcome by the desire to ridicule a person or there is a temptation to express irony and sarcasm, it is better to refuse such a manifestation of your emotions. Constructive criticism does not tolerate disrespect, rudeness and aggression.

You must radiate sincerity, openness and a desire to improve the situation.

The person you are giving constructive criticism to should understand exactly what you want to say to him. Indeed, in the desire not to accidentally offend him, you can go to the other extreme - to express yourself in half-hints and general phrases, beat around the bush, showing your "diplomatic" abilities, because of which the very object of criticism will be "lost".

It should not be forgotten that in the process of criticism one should not get personal. You need to criticize not the person himself, but his actions. If, for example, your friend made a mistake, you don't need to tell him: “You are a fool! How could you do this? Constructive criticism suggests something like this: “You are smart, sane, but you acted carelessly!”.

Criticizing another, you should not impose your vision of solving the problem on him. For example: "You acted carelessly - do not go there again!". Such an imposition of one’s opinion can make a person want to do the opposite, so it’s better to express it not in such a categorical form, but in the form of a sentence: “You acted carelessly - maybe you shouldn’t go there anymore?”

When criticizing a person who has realized that he made a mistake, you should not finish him off with your criticism. Criticism should be aimed at helping to get out of the current situation - after all, there are no hopeless situations.

Unconstructive criticism can only plunge a person into a bind.

In order for criticism to be productive and effective, so that the person understands his mistakes, and you can count on understanding, it is important to choose the right time. Of course, you should not climb up to a person with criticism, even with the best intentions, in difficult moments for him, when he is in difficult circumstances or in a bad mood (the latter often concerns personal relationships). In this case, criticism will only aggravate his condition.

To express a critical remark to a person, it is worth thinking not only about a convenient time, but also about a place. Unfortunately, in life it is often necessary to notice how a husband criticizes his wife or husband's wife in the presence of strangers. Such criticism a priori cannot be constructive, even if the critic is absolutely right.

Therefore, if you are going to criticize someone “constructively”, whether it be a colleague, friend or close person, you need to take care of the absence of strangers. Public criticism cannot be constructive - it will offend and humiliate a person and will not bring any benefit.

Before you start criticizing someone, even if it is fair, you can first mention your own shortcomings or mistakes made in the past. Self-criticism will allow the person we criticize not to feel hurt, and it will be easier for him to admit and correct his mistakes.

So that a person does not lose heart after our critical remarks, it is worthwhile to start criticism, remind him of his merits and find something for which he can be praised. One of the greats said: "The critic lulls the chloroform of praise, and then operates."

Before you start making critical remarks, you need to imagine the possible response of a person. All people are different and they also perceive criticism in different ways, and an individual approach is needed here.

A vulnerable and sensitive person is treated differently than a cheeky or arrogant person. If a person is diligent, suspicious and vulnerable, you need to show gentleness with him.

Gentleness will not work with an arrogant person - he will perceive it as insecurity and weakness, so here you need to show firmness. However, it is important not to overdo it so as not to hurt his pride.

Caution should be taken with criticism towards people with low self-esteem. If a person is pragmatic and selfish, he should hint that he can benefit from criticism. It is easiest to communicate with people who have a sense of humor. Of course, if it is not alien to the critic.

Any person needs to know the rules of constructive criticism - they will allow you to build sincere relationships both in your personal life and at work. If it is impossible to act according to the rules, then it is better not to try to criticize someone, so as not to make enemies or ill-wishers. As the English writer Oscar Wilde said, "Criticism requires much more culture than creativity."