Good manners

Good manners - One of the basic principles of modern life is the maintenance of normal relations between people and the desire to avoid conflicts. In turn, respect and attention can be earned only with respect for courtesy and restraint. Manners - a way to behave, an external form of behavior, treatment of other people, expressions used in speech, tone, intonation, gait, gesticulation and even facial expressions characteristic of a person.

Therefore, nothing is valued by the people around us as dearly as politeness and delicacy. But in life we ​​often have to deal with rudeness, harshness, disrespect for the personality of another person. The reason here is that we underestimate the culture of human behavior, his manners.

Manners - a way to behave, an external form of behavior, treatment of other people, expressions used in speech, tone, intonation, gait, gesticulation and even facial expressions characteristic of a person.

In society, modesty and restraint of a person, the ability to control one's actions, to communicate carefully and tactfully with other people are considered good manners. It is customary to consider bad manners habits of speaking loudly, not embarrassed in expressions, swagger in gestures and behavior, slovenliness in clothes, rudeness, manifested in frank hostility to others, in disregard for other people's interests and requests, in shamelessly imposing one's will and desires on other people, in the inability to restrain one's irritation, in the deliberate insult to the dignity of the people around, in tactlessness, foul language, the use of humiliating nicknames nicknames.

Manners refer to the culture of human behavior and are regulated by etiquette. Etiquette implies a benevolent and respectful attitude towards all people, regardless of their position and social status. It includes courteous treatment of a woman, respectful attitude towards elders, forms of addressing elders, forms of address and greetings, rules of conversation, table manners. In general, etiquette in a civilized society coincides with the general requirements of politeness, which are based on the principles of humanism.

A prerequisite for communication is delicacy. Delicacy should not be excessive, turn into flattery, lead to unjustified praise of what you see or hear. It is not necessary to hide hard that you are seeing something for the first time, listening to it, tasting it, fearing that otherwise you will be considered ignorant.

At the table, it is considered impolite to talk about the cost of dishes, whisper in the ear of a neighbor, and much more. Dishes, silver, crystal, porcelain. The business card is widely used in business relations and protocol diplomatic practice. To despise fashion is as foolish as to follow it too zealously. A business letter should be short, precise and to the point. Behavior is as much a way of showing respect for other people as neat clothes, polite manner in conversation, tact. Some table manners. The first courses can be served either in a deep plate or in a special broth cup. A suit is a visiting card of a business person. "Accepted by clothes", clothing is the main condition for how good a person has an opinion about you. Passengers who are familiar with the norms of etiquette do not have booze in the compartment, they do not make cosmetic masks, they do not clean their nails. The leading rule of conduct in the theater is silence. You recognize a well-bred person on the street by his measured gait, the ability to behave modestly, but with dignity. Wines to the table are served either chilled or heated or simply cold. Champagne is served chilled, burgundy or lafittes are served warm. The rest of the wines are served cold. Do not stand out with your clothes during working hours. The tone of the conversation should be fluid and natural, not pedantic or playful. Each nation has its own rules of meetings and partings. Rules when talking on the phone. You can't insult a woman. When setting the table, it should be borne in mind that it is not customary to put more than three forks or three knives (each type of dish must have its own device), since all devices will still not be used at the same time. The letter itself begins with an exact repetition in the upper left corner of the address written on the envelope. Making a phone call is not so easy: even if the interlocutor does not see you and cannot evaluate your appearance and demeanor, the more he will pay attention to your voice, to the slightest intonations. Faxes are gradually disappearing into oblivion, but in some places they are still being used. The meaning of colors, their combination with each other. The foundations of economic ethics were laid down by Aristotle. Usually, before entering the hall, visitors examine themselves in the mirror. Etiquette in letters is essentially all the same formalities that have turned into customs.

We all know in theory that coats should be served to women, and fish should not be eaten with a knife. In practice, practically none of us eats fish with two forks, and women who are served coats do not get into their sleeves out of habit, and in general they manage it easier themselves. So is it worth teaching your son to give a lady a coat? Should children be taught manners at all? Is it a necessary part of a good upbringing? And where is the boundary between necessary and redundant?

My nineteenth century

Silver tweezers in the sugar bowl - nice, but obviously redundant. Even with the notorious fish, everything is not so simple: one colleague recalled with a laugh how she rushed about abroad at a business lunch, not finding a second fork for fish, grabbed the one lying nearby so as not to violate ethics - and it turned out that this was the fork of a neighbor, a business partner .

Should men get up when a woman enters, and students, when a teacher enters, yes or no? Some believe that there is no need, others believe that this is one of the main signs of good breeding.

Yes, a child should certainly be taught not to push, making his way forward, and maybe not to climb forward (sometimes in the temple you are amazed how children make their way in the crowd, pushing everyone with their elbows). And it seems that it is necessary to teach not to slurp, to use a knife and a fork, to respect elders - but somewhere ahead an invisible line looms, beyond which all this becomes tedious moralizing and will be forgotten and discarded, like an unnecessary burden, an imposed and senseless ban, an external regulation of freedom … Where is the border between ethics and etiquette, is there any at all?

Once, on a business trip to Great Britain, I had a chance to communicate a lot with the professors of ancient universities and teachers of good colleges. The first, powerful impression is that the Russian delegation sharply differs from the British in posture. We sit like sacks of potatoes, slumped, stooped, twisted, embarrassed, or, conversely, inappropriately cheeky. The English are direct, kindly addressed to the interlocutor. “An Englishwoman is a straight back,” said English writer Sue Townsend in an interview. But not only a straight back - also intelligible speech with a minimum of unnecessary words, mean and accurate gestures, a reasonable distance between the interlocutors ... The behavior is absolutely natural, devoid of any pose and aristocratic - according to dictionaries, "noble and refined."

Behind every posture is bearing - military, athletic, dancing; the need to keep the head high, the neck - not bent, the shoulders - deployed, not to be embarrassed and not to be ashamed of oneself; the body only reflects an inner sense of self-worth.

Tatyana Malyuta, teacher of Russian language and literature, says: “We once staged Vasily Terkin with the children, and the boys had to march in formation. But they don’t have all these marches, as in our childhood, they turned out to be completely incapable of walking smoothly: they stood like football players at a penalty, hunched over and folding their hands in front of them. I put them against the wall, made them touch it with shoulder blades - “now move away, and so that the wall goes with you” ... We have sofas at school, and I don’t like it when children lie on them if I talk to them. I ask them to stand up and take a different position: some conversations suggest a different position of the body. There is a discipline of the body, and every church person knows this. Not all topics can be discussed while lying on the beach. The form is also important. As my grandmother used to say, “everything has its own style”. By the way, Lotman writes about this in his comments to “Eugene Onegin”.

By the way, let's take a look at Lotman. He talks about the fact that the nobles were taught to dance from the age of five or six, that this training was tough, like the current sports training. However, “long-term training,” Lotman writes, “gave the young man not only dexterity during dancing, but also confidence in movements, freedom and independence in posing a figure, which in a certain way also influenced a person’s mental structure: in the conventional world of secular communication, he felt yourself confidently and freely, like an experienced actor on stage. Elegance, manifested in the accuracy of movements, was a sign of good education.

He further cites a fragment from Leo Tolstoy's novel The Decembrists, which refers to a Decembrist who spent many difficult years in Siberia: “... it was impossible to imagine ... that she would ever be hungry and eat greedily, or that she dirty laundry, or that she tripped, or forgot to blow her nose - that couldn't happen to her. It was physically impossible. Why it was so - I don’t know, but her every movement was majesty, grace, mercy for all those who could use her appearance ... "

“It is characteristic that the ability to stumble here is associated not with external conditions, but with the character and upbringing of a person,” Lotman concludes. - Mental and physical grace are connected and exclude the possibility of inaccurate or ugly movements and gestures. The aristocratic simplicity of the movements of people of “good society” both in life and in literature is opposed by stiffness or excessive swagger (the result of a struggle with one’s own shyness) of the gestures of a commoner.

Of course, good posture is not an end in itself. “The form is important, but only when you come to it through the content,” says Tatyana Malyuta. - A person should use what he teaches himself, and not read a manual on good manners and attack children with it. Etiquette should be in the very nature of man. In my social circle there are people who adhere to strict etiquette: for example, one man always gets up when a woman enters - this exists, it works, it's nice when a person has aristocratic features. It's nice when there is posture - this is evidence of some internal structure.

Far from everything in traditional values ​​suits children. Indeed, in today's society, traditional courtesy can be humiliating. Not without reason, at Tatyana Malyuta’s “My Nineteenth Century” mug, the girls thought that kissing a lady’s hand was humiliating. And in fact: if an opponent in a serious discussion instead of arguments “yields to a lady” - for all the outward etiquette of an act, this is essentially both ugly and ignoble, because it reduces a meaningful discussion to formal questions, and even emphasizes the imaginary intellectual inequality of the parties. And this brings us back to the question of the content, which determines the form.

Etiquette instead of ethics?
Maria Vasilievna Rozanova, an art critic and publisher, is sure that etiquette often turns out to be a substitute for ethics, its most common and accessible substitute for people who are not endowed with a special mind, taste and tact: “Such a person easily adopts the skills of purely external behavior that allows imitating culture. As a rule, the most stringent etiquette requirements are imposed in environments that are extremely far from intelligence and morality: in thieves' subcultures, in business circles, in communities of graphomaniacs. Etiquette is inherently conservative, while culture is almost always revolutionary, or at any rate critical of heritage. Brecht has an excellent sketch on this subject in The Threepenny Opera: Mackey the Knife, whose hands are up to the elbows in blood, teaches his comrades-in-arms in a gang of thieves that “only a pig is capable of eating fish with a knife!” Of course, all this does not mean that a person of culture, a creator, a thinker is obliged to eat fish with a knife or defiantly ignore etiquette - it's just that the observance of these rules is natural for him, it is not emphasized. It is curious that the Russian tradition - seemingly conservative, as the Pochvenniks believe - just does not approve of the literal observance of etiquette and, moreover, encourages its ignoring, since, say, the buffoon culture is built on a demonstrative violation of decorum. Foolishness is one of the favorite forms of holiness in Russia, again defiantly ignoring any caste principles. Pushkin was always reproached for not observing costume and speech etiquette - but on his part it was a completely conscious challenge: he denied someone else's right to be considered smarter and thinner on the basis of observing ritual norms. And it often turns out that those who publicly and defiantly insist on a rigid system of rules governing your appearance, behavior and vocabulary, are most likely trying to suppress your independence in this way, and not at all to protect public order.

Stand on the right, pass on the left!

Culturologist Maria Volkova, a lecturer at St. Tikhon Humanitarian University, emphasizes that even if we do not touch the ethical sphere, then in the etiquette sphere alone we will find completely different norms. Some are traditional, outdated, not justified by modernity, others are unwritten norms and rules that make up living etiquette.

“There are a lot of such norms,” says Maria Volkova, “and it’s a miracle that they exist. True, we do not notice this miracle, just as we do not consider daily sunrises and sunsets a miracle. Look, for example, in the subway: the train approaches, the doors open, people part to let the people out, and then enter the car. If someone pushes people out and tries to enter without letting them out, he is clearly violating something. But we don't question why people don't break this rule. And there are no penalties for violating these rules. And even if someone looks with condemnation - it doesn’t matter, you still won’t meet this person in a huge city ... Nevertheless, we all follow these rules. Their implementation does not make an aristocratic impression, it simply provides a normal life. This is what we must convey to our children: the idea that there is a norm in the world, that it is possible to behave normally - to convey the presumption of norm and good will. If something is broadcast to your students, pupils, children, then it is a realistic norm. Broadcast pointwise, situationally, pragmatically. After all, a real culture of behavior is, first of all, pragmatics. She may be elitist, but she is pragmatic nonetheless."

And in fact: cultural, ethical, etiquette norms are not an adornment of life, they did not grow from scratch: they are ways developed by society to quickly and efficiently do business. Some norms have evolved over centuries, others over decades, and others - like, for example, the norms of Internet etiquette - have developed right before our eyes. By the way, with the advent of the Internet and huge volumes of text for quick reading, the role of some traditions and conventions became especially clear - for example, spelling and punctuation, over which generations of schoolchildren suffered, exclaiming: "Who needs this spelling!" As soon as megabytes of undecipherable texts, full of errors and typos, began to creep into our eyes, it immediately became clear who needed these conventions: we, the readers.

Tagless time

Dmitry Shnol, math teacher, believes that it is precisely these norms of tomorrow, the rules of virtual communication that are emerging before our eyes, that can become good ground for discussing with teenagers the rules of at least virtual etiquette.

“I am very skeptical about the idea of ​​education with words,” says Dmitry Shnol. - No cultural norms are transmitted in this way: for this you need an example, a model of behavior. Children see how people in everyday communication show their personal qualities and understand that these are not generally accepted rules, but a personal choice of a person - and they themselves choose whether this example is attractive enough to follow. Talking about etiquette hasn't changed anyone yet. And even a personal example does not determine everything. Perhaps, in a closed cadet corps, where all adults behave in a certain way, children can be taught this model of behavior, but in a family and in an open society, it is unlikely. Words generally work only up to 10-11 years, and even then not always. And teenagers no longer look at what is on stage, but at what is behind the scene: how teachers behave in the teacher's room, how parents sort things out when they think that children do not hear them ...

Adolescence is generally a very difficult time for the assimilation of ethical norms. They say that youth was invented along with the steam engine; earlier there was a disenfranchised childhood and adulthood, implying freedom and responsibility. It was natural to imitate adults, to learn adult norms of behavior. And modern culture proclaims childhood - etiquette-free time - golden, the best in life, it will only get worse. Adolescence, when adult norms must be assimilated, turns out to be the age of denial of the adult world. Teenagers live in their own subculture, which can be no less rigidly formalized than adult culture - how to say hello, how to dress, what music to listen to. And maybe it is precisely in this tough etiquette time that teenagers can be conveyed quite important things that are included in modern etiquette. For example, be sure to respond to emails, even if you can't reply meaningfully. The norms of virtual communication have not yet been fully formed in adult culture; they are taking shape now, just as the norms of telephone communication were developing in Chekhov's time. And teenagers are sensitive to these norms, they are plastic - after all, this is the creation of the future in which they live, and this has an obvious practical meaning.

Word and deed

If you want to teach other people the rules, don't get carried away with preaching; All my interlocutors are united in this.

“Restraint and lack of pedaling is very important. As soon as you start pedaling, maybe you console yourself, but you lose contact with the listener. No, of course, if at my lecture a person decides to run around the audience, I will not allow him to do this, but it will take 30-50 seconds out of 120 minutes, because I have other goals and objectives,” says Maria Volkova.

“It makes sense to go to manners from the inside, from self-esteem - through moral principles and taboos,” recalls Tatyana Malyuta. - I once saw how my colleague's boys, black top, white bottom, congratulated girls on March 8: they got down on one knee, held out a flower, their faces were sour ... and a colleague proudly says: something, but I will teach them to love! But you have to act quite differently here - and talk separately with boys about how great it is to be a man, and with girls - in a different way: about dignity. Teacher's talk about "girlish honor" and "feminine dignity" - the horror of my childhood, like my mother's "do not slouch"; it is already in adulthood that you understand some common truths that you were in vain inspired in childhood, thinking that to expose your lack of culture and point out the norm is the best way to educate.
“For those who consider themselves an intellectual or intellectual, the former norms of etiquette, not supported by today's life, are a huge temptation,” says Maria Volkova. - For such people, the way of talking is very attractive - tough, harsh, self-exalting - that the masses do not assimilate the norm. This is especially noticeable among teachers and university professors, who are very fond of talking about the fact that schoolchildren are bad, uncultured ... They really are different, sometimes students say such amazing things that you walk down the street, remember - and laugh ... In principle, this attitude to people it is possible to expand even more: the whole world is bad, all the people in it are uncultured ... Any passage along the street convinces us that animals live around. And if we pass it through ourselves, then this is a matter of our conscience and our confession. But when we, in front of a class, in front of a student or readership, begin to develop the idea that all people are good for nothing - instead of talking to those whom God has sent to us - if we say that they are bad and uncultured, and we are good , then it makes no sense.”

“It’s better not to expect that your words will change someone,” Dmitry Shnol is convinced. - Of course, there are rare and amazing cases when your word really changes something. So it was with Metropolitan Anthony of Surozh, who once taught a lesson, and some girl cried the whole lesson. "Never despair," he told her after class. Many years later, when he was already the rector of the cathedral, a woman approached him and said that his words had saved her life, that she was on the verge of suicide... something, it was very important... But you can't count on it. We must proceed from the fact that your behavior patterns, which directly reflect who you are, are always transmitted, and your word is by the rare grace of God.

Recently, I advised my friend not to put the phone on the table during family dinners with her highly moral mother-in-law - they say, the rules of etiquette regard such an act as disrespect for interlocutors and obsession with work.

She thanked with surprise, and a few days later she called with thanks - it turns out that the mother-in-law pursed her lips in displeasure for this very reason, it seemed to her that the daughter-in-law was so bored at family gatherings that she was ready to run away at the first call.

After talking about this topic, we realized that many people have no idea what secular etiquette is and how to follow the rules of etiquette. I wrote a little guide to good manners that all people should follow.

Universal Rules

These recommendations must be followed regardless of gender, age and country of residence - this is common courtesy.

1. Do not come to visit without a call - this is bad form. Even if your friend lives in the next entrance and you are sure that he will be glad to see you - you should not put him in an awkward position, call and arrange. The same rule applies to relatives.

   Many young couples complain that parents come to visit without a call, but at the same time they allow themselves to visit their loved ones, believing that these are different situations. In fact, the situation is one - you violate someone else's will.

2. If your interlocutor or companion greets their acquaintance, show good manners and say hello, and if the conversation drags on, invite a random interlocutor to join you.
3. There are things that should not be discussed in polite society. There are several of them:
   - questions of age and longevity (this can confuse and even compromise those present);
   - financial well-being (in some situations this is appropriate, usually at men's meetings, in the company of business partners or close friends);
   - problems in the house (this applies to both the situation at a party and your own home problems - in any case, it is simply unacceptable to take out dirty laundry for everyone to see);
   - religious attitudes and behavior (again, with the exception of the company of close friends who are aware of your religion);
   - illnesses and issues related to various diseases - absolutely all conversations about health started “for health” end on a doomsday note and unpleasant details;
   - adultery and someone else's personal life;
   - low and dishonest deeds;
   - own deeds that deserve praise - others should praise a person, otherwise it looks like a peacock spreading its tail.
4. Entering the room greets first, thus attracting attention. Even if your subordinates are in front of you, and you are sure that they should show respect, the rule of the “culprit” of the event is triggered here. You entered - you greet first.
5. Someone else's correspondence should be inviolable, like any other people's secrets. Remember, what is known to two, everyone around will know.
6. No need to try to fit someone else's lifestyle if you can't afford it.
7. Gratitude is appropriate absolutely everywhere and always, express your emotions, say compliments and learn to be grateful to people.

These simple basics of etiquette are nothing complicated - it's a common cultural code, following which, you will rotate in a circle of decent friends.

Of course, if you do not follow such rules, no one will challenge you to a duel, and it is unlikely that you will draw all the attention of the public to your mistake. But if you do not follow them, then over and over again a special negative attitude will form towards you, and gradually you will find yourself in a company where you have not even heard about the norms of communication with people.

Project all these rules onto yourself and you will understand their value. Do you like it when a girlfriend calls and says she intends to visit? Of course, you like it, you will have time to take away the guest slippers from the cat and bake cookies for her arrival. So, you need to do the same.

Would you like your correspondence to become public, and even more so discussed in the company? Unlikely, which means you should not participate in such conversations, much less initiate them.

Men

The rules of etiquette for men have several subtopics - relationships with women, relationships with men, relationships with colleagues and with an impersonal representative of society (for example, someone else's wife should not be looked after in a company, it is enough just to follow secular etiquette).

Goethe wrote that a person's manners are a mirror in which his portrait is reflected. Accordingly, our behavior says more about us to others than we might like. Watch your manners and you will always be on top.

A man should not offend the women present with his appearance and behavior. This means that he must be neat, well-groomed, neat in clothes, wear a good haircut and be either clean-shaven or keep facial hair in perfect order.

In relation to women, a man should show himself to be a gentleman:

• show signs of attention;
• skip forward;
• to open doors for a lady;
• give a hand;
• ask permission before smoking.

For other men, DO NOT:

• show negative reactions, even if the person is purely unpleasant to you and you are forced to be at the same event with him, secular etiquette requires at least a fleeting greeting;
• expressing discriminatory opinions about those present is always regarded negatively;
• stir up a scandal
• speak disparagingly;
• reveal other people's secrets;
• spread about his male victories (this can discredit the girl in the eyes of other men).

It is not difficult to follow such rules, but good behavior makes a person pleasant to communicate with.

Women

Special rules of etiquette for girls suggest a lot of hints - especially when it comes to interpersonal relationships. Back in the Middle Ages, there was a certain system of rules and traditions, following which a girl could tell a random gentleman any information about herself - for this, a system of views and sighs, special hairstyles, special scarves and much more were used.

The current secular etiquette that ladies must adhere to is much simpler, however, there are secrets here too.

It is no secret that the requirement to be a neat and well-groomed person is the norm of politeness, but exactly the same norm of politeness is to correspond to the place and time. It is not too appropriate to attend a party that takes place in the bosom of nature, in diamonds and an evening dress.

Also, don't be too democratic. This applies to the choice of clothes, jewelry, accessories, hairstyles and makeup. The girl must be well-groomed, and her appearance should always match the situation.

Dignity and honor are the main weapon of a woman. Beauty is given to us by nature, any lady should be well-groomed, but stand with dignity- a rare quality that should be learned. First of all, learn to follow the speech.

A woman should be merciful, this is one of the qualities that is inherent in each of us, and it is good form to show mercy not only to socially unprotected people, but also to your friends. Inquire about the well-being of other people's sick relatives, be ready to help and do not forget about anyone.

Be friendly, don't be snobbish. Secular etiquette is not when service personnel are reprimanded, but the rules of conduct that are expected from oneself and others outside their occupation and origin.

Learn to look decent, the basic rules of etiquette give clear recommendations on how a woman in society should:

• stand;
• walk;
• sit down, stand up and sit.

If a girl is going on a business trip or a trip, be sure to ask what are the main behavioral norms adopted in this country. So you can find interesting information about the etiquette of other countries and avoid fatal mistakes.

It is sad, but true: violation of the norms of social behavior in countries that live according to Sharia can cost a woman her freedom and life.

different situations

When applying for a job in a serious company, study the rules of conduct in a team, but do not forget that each team has its own, unique communication etiquette. Try to use the generally accepted manners, and not contradict the habits of the regulars, then you can pass for a cultured and pleasant person.

Maintain (and encourage your companions to do so) etiquette in public places, you should not cause inconvenience to strangers. At the same time, be careful in your aspirations towards other people - society does not always perceive such acts mercifully.

Despite the rules of etiquette in Russia, show respect for foreigners and pay tribute to their cultural traditions, do not forget that other rules may apply in the house of a newcomer.

Do not be afraid to be uncivilized, if in some situation you are completely unprepared, you can always ask for advice from the person whose manners seem impeccable to you - absolutely not ashamed not to know something, ashamed not to seek to know.

Manners are a habit, a set of behaviors, a well-mannered person remains well-mannered even alone with himself. Strive for it and you will feel the result.

Each of us has our own way of behaving, communicating with others. Much depends on her in everyday life, in relation to relatives and colleagues. What are manners, what are they and how to choose the right manner of communication?

Bad and good

From childhood, we were instilled with the knowledge that we need to acquire good manners and get rid of bad ones. But how can one characterize both of them?

Bad manners are primarily a way of behaving that causes negative emotions in others. An example is outright rudeness, disrespect for people, indifference. This also includes slovenliness in clothing and appearance, excessive gesticulation, irritability, foul language.

Good manners are just the opposite. The person who owns them is open and friendly. It is not surprising that he attracts others to himself, like a magnet, and creates all the conditions for his own life development.

Positive manners of communication with the interlocutor

Of course, each of us wants to be positive and successful, so learning good manners is the first step towards the goal. How to achieve this? Here are some simple rules for communicating with another person.

There is a whole science behind the regulation of human manners. It implies a wide layer of culture of behavior and is called etiquette. The understanding of what manners are includes a benevolent attitude towards people in general, especially the elderly and women, forms of greeting and polite address, rules of behavior at the table, in certain life situations, and so on. Let's consider a few of them in more detail.

Acquaintance: introducing people to each other

There are situations in which formalities are unnecessary. There are also those in which you need to represent the interlocutors according to all the rules. In any case, if you have doubts that people are strangers, they must be introduced to each other. Simply by name or with a more detailed representation - depends on the situation. Talking to someone in the company of another person to whom your interlocutor is not introduced is considered bad form.

Remember an important rule: it is better to overdo it than to seem frankly impolite. So, for example, in the worst case, you will once again introduce people to each other who already know each other. But this is much less critical than not presenting them at all.

Gratitude: how and why?

Gratitude is an important component of a positive demeanor in communication. It is deplorable, looking around, to see how indifferent people have become, not bothering with an elementary “Thank you”. Moreover, you can expect gratitude from others and react sharply to its absence, while you yourself often forget about such a simple thing.

Get in the habit of thanking people even for ordinary everyday situations, for example:

• An invitation to somewhere. It doesn't matter if you accepted it or rejected it.
• A gift, no matter how small.
• Time spent at a party or in the company of another person, etc.

It would be appropriate to express gratitude in person. If this is not possible, try to do it by phone or by mail. And in no case do not expect that "they, they say, themselves know how grateful I am to them." Thanks, you will not make any mistake, however, if you neglect, you will be fundamentally wrong.

Dressing style

It would seem, how can others care about how you are dressed? However, their own rules of good manners exist here.

At an official event, it would be appropriate to ask the organizers about the intended style of dress (if this is not indicated in the invitation). In any case, appearing at a gala reception in jeans and a shirt, you will look at least ridiculous. And an invitation to a friendly party in an informal setting hardly implies the presence of a tuxedo or an elegant dress. So consider the circumstances and carefully select the outfit in which you will feel most comfortable.

Modern interpretation of good manners

Whole treatises have been written in the past about what manners are. Today, however, many of these recommendations are outdated and may seem ridiculous. Of course, there is nothing reprehensible in gallantry with a woman. But it is not worth treating her like a crystal vase, as if she is unable to take care of herself. Here are some modern interpretations of the rules of etiquette we all know.

• Is it necessary to open the door for a woman? Optional, but it's best to open if you're walking ahead or if it's just more convenient for you. Also, hold the door open for those who are older, loaded down with groceries, or carrying a small child, for example.
• Do I need to go around the car and open the door for a woman who is sitting in the passenger seat? It is good manners for the driver to open the door for the passenger before boarding. Or help an elderly person get out of the car. In other cases, such a display of politeness may be considered unnecessary.
• Do I need to give up my seat on public transport? Yes. It is customary to give way to older people, people with disabilities, pregnant women, and those traveling with heavy bags.
• Do men need to get up when a woman gets up from a table or leaves a room? Optional, unless you're the host of the event and don't want to say goodbye to the guest.
• Does a man accompanying a lady need to walk from the side of the roadway? No, there is no such rule in modern society.

Many people have the wrong idea about what manners are. This is not ceremonial and not excessive complexity in communication. By expressing elementary signs of respect to each other, you will only win and pass for a polite, cultured interlocutor.

They say about a person: "He has bad manners." What is meant specifically? Manners in general are a way to behave, an external form of behavior, treatment of other people, expressions used in speech, tone, intonation, gait, gestures and even facial expressions.

Manners refer to the culture of human behavior and are regulated by etiquette, which, first of all, implies a benevolent and respectful attitude towards all people, regardless of their position and social status. And a prerequisite for communication is delicacy.

At all times, it was customary to consider bad manners the habit of speaking loudly, not embarrassed in expressions, swagger in gestures, sloppiness in clothes, rudeness, frank hostility to others, disregard for other people's interests and requests, shamelessly imposing one's will and desires on other people, inability to restrain their irritation, deliberate insult to the dignity of the people around them, tactlessness, foul language, the use of humiliating nicknames, nicknames.

In society, modesty and restraint, the ability to control one's actions, to communicate carefully and tactfully with other people are considered good manners.

What does every person who does not want to impress others with their inability to behave in society need to know?

It is not necessary to hide hard that you are seeing something for the first time, tasting it, fearing that otherwise you will be considered ignorant.

It is worth paying attention to the ability to keep your hands in place, and a well-mannered person will never allow himself to keep his hands in his pockets, much less bite his nails. Also, the legs during the conversation do not spread wide and do not bring them very close to each other. Sitting, do not cross your legs.

Being in society, one should not be distracted and inattentive to others.

A beautiful gait, posture, graceful gestures adorn both a man and a woman. In exceptional cases, what we call grace, a person is endowed by nature. Often these qualities are acquired at the cost of considerable effort. Their upbringing is helped by sports, rhythm, ballet. All this is extremely useful for girls and young girls, parents should remember this.

You should learn to walk beautifully, keep straight. You need to be able to easily and beautifully climb the stairs and just as beautifully go down.

You need to be able to sit well. A woman should check in front of a mirror how she looks sitting on a low chair, sofa or chair. Legs should be kept together, both shins should be tilted to one side.

Getting into the car, the woman does not “step” into it, but sitting on the edge of the seat, draws in the bliss, getting out of the car, on the contrary, you should get up from the seat, already leaning your feet on the asphalt.

Many often do not know "what to do with their hands." Women, however, in such cases are saved by a bag that you can “cling to”. For men, as a last resort, it is permissible to keep one hand in a jacket pocket, but it is better to remove it from there from time to time. You can put your hand in your pants pocket only to get what you need. It is not proper for women to keep their hands in their trouser pockets, at least not while talking.

It is ugly to wave your arms while walking or on a walk, to gesticulate vigorously when talking. Banging the table with your fist is just vulgar, not to mention that it is never an argument. All gestures must be discreet and appropriate.

Do not get too carried away and cross your legs in such a way that the ankle of one of them is on the knee of the other. Keeping a leg on a leg, you do not need to swing it, hug your knee with your hands.

You should never sit, lounging, in an armchair or on a sofa, throw your head back on the pillows, swing in a chair, sit on the very edge of a chair, armchair, sofa, shake your knees during a conversation.

You can sit on the arm of the chair (unless, of course, you are absolutely sure that it will withstand you) only in the house of your closest friends. This is unacceptable if the chair is occupied by a person little known to you.

Any reflex action must be controlled. Yawning in society is unforgivable. A loud onlooker is completely indecent, not only in the company of unfamiliar people, but also at work, at home. An educated person will generally try to refrain from yawning. As a last resort, you can yawn "inside", but carefully: it is not always possible to do this unnoticed even in this way.

Coughs are usually difficult to manage. When coughing, turn your head slightly to the side and cover your mouth with your hand; in case of a sharp cough, be sure to put a handkerchief to your mouth.

You need to blow your nose quietly, in a handkerchief, while you can not turn away. It is absolutely unacceptable in such cases to make sounds throughout the room, but even this little attractive fact is easier to come to terms with than with the presence of a person constantly sniffing.

In the old days, when it was customary to sniff tobacco (which was not allowed only for young girls), they loved to sneeze heartily, “with taste”, and this often became a source of general fun. At present, such pleasure should be suppressed, if possible, by bringing a handkerchief to the nose at the time of sneezing. If, nevertheless, the need to sneeze is stronger than you, turn away.

Hiccups are an unpleasant and rather debilitating phenomenon. If hiccups begin, immediately go to the kitchen or bathroom and try the following method: hold your nose tightly with your left hand while holding a glass of water in your right hand. Drink water in small sips, but continuously, without inhaling air. When it becomes completely unbearable, you can sigh: after that, the hiccups should pass. If this does not happen, repeat from the beginning, with greater endurance. You can also advise swallowing a full tablespoon of powdered sugar. But the first way is more efficient. It is worth noting that hiccups sometimes occur as a reaction to alcoholic beverages. After making sure that this happens to you in such cases, try to abstain from alcohol so as not to experience such a nuisance every time.