Hello dear readers of my blog! Sometimes doubting yourself is not so bad, it allows you to evaluate your actions, decide what can be changed for the better, and what should be abandoned. Self-criticism can be both a useful tool and a destructive one. What does it depend on? How to learn to assess yourself sensibly and understand: is self-criticism good or bad?

Understanding concepts

Since self-criticism directly depends on self-esteem, I recommend that you pay attention to the book by Thomas Chamorro-Premusic " Self-confidence, how to increase self-esteem, overcome fear and doubt».

As in any issue, here we have three sides: self-criticism, healthy self-criticism and narcissism. All these concepts are connected with the attitude towards oneself and one's actions. When a person is too much, then this is reflected in his behavior, communication with others, his work and personal relationships. The same can be said about a person who underestimates himself.

Healthy self-criticism is a person's ability to realistically and reliably evaluate their achievements, see successes and work on mistakes and mistakes. Such a mechanism will only help in self-improvement. Many people think that self-criticism hinders a person. But if it is rational and correct, then on the contrary, it only helps.

But its complete absence or excessive self-criticism really causes serious damage to a person’s mental health. Let's look at the two sides of this coin in more detail.

Samoyedism

Criticism can also apply to appearance, character, work, behavior. Everything falls under the strict censorship of this critic. Sometimes such people engage in self-discipline even from scratch. Just because it has already become a habit to constantly poison yourself.

Moreover, in such people one can often notice an unreasonable feeling of guilt. You can learn about this in detail from my article "". As a result, they are forced to do what they do not want at all.

Next, you need to learn to see something good and positive in yourself. You can ask friends and family to write about your most outstanding qualities. Believe me, it is very useful to know the view from the outside. Think for yourself what you do well, what you like to do, in what you feel your strength.

If you are unable to cope on your own, then do not give up. You can seek help from a psychologist or go to psychological training. There you will meet people who have similar problems. Often complete strangers who are in a similar situation help us to solve our internal conflicts.

Narcissism

As you may have guessed, the other side of the coin is narcissism. Such a person, on the contrary, practically does not hear the quiet voice of his inner critic at all. Everything is right with him, he does everything well and well done in everything. This occurs in people with high self-esteem, which is also not good.

What is the main sign? Complete indifference to other people's opinions. Such a person does not listen to advice, does not take anything personally, except for praise, of course. He does not care about the feelings and emotions of others.

Of course, there is some positive side. Such a person is self-confident, he boldly goes forward, does not believe in his defeat, he is decisive and punchy. Often this is combined with impudence and bravado.

And if a person is confident in himself and in the result, then most likely he will succeed. Where do we most often meet such people? In high positions, in politics, in show business.

Golden mean

Many people think that being overconfident is much better than constantly doubting yourself. But there is no definite answer here. After all, self-admiration has its pitfalls.

For example, when a person thinks too well of himself, then at one fine moment he can stop developing and do nothing else, because he already thinks that he is already too good. In a self-doubting person, on the contrary, he can continue trying to become better.

In any case, you should always try to look. You will have to make an effort to acquire a healthy self-esteem and, as a result, learn how to properly work with your inner critic, because this is an extremely useful quality for any person.

Try to pay attention to success more often, and if there was a failure, then calmly and without unnecessary negative emotions, take responsibility, think about what went wrong and how to avoid it in the future.

Never stop. If you have reached the maximum in one thing, find something new and interesting for yourself, in which you can still achieve success.

Self-criticism is neither good nor bad. It is a tool that you must learn to use to your advantage.

Do you have self-esteem issues? What actions do you most often criticize? Do others criticize you?

Love yourself, look for your strengths and weaknesses and work on yourself.
Good luck to you!

Hello, friends! In this article I want to discuss such a thing as self-criticism, its importance in a person's life, as well as its impact on the future. We will look at what positive aspects it brings to human life, as well as how it can destroy many aspects of the psyche, relationships and development opportunities.

What is self-criticism?

Self-criticism is a personal quality that allows you to evaluate your own actions and motives from an objective and unbiased side. This is the trait due to which a person himself can find shortcomings in his own work and character traits, in behavior and relationships with people.

Self-criticism necessarily includes self-esteem, without arrogance and narcissism. Being simultaneously in these two positions, a person is able not to be angry at the whole external world and make timely efforts to change. Other comments are accepted with gratitude. A person is able to listen to the advice of others, even if they are given from an edifying position.

For comparison: someone who is inaccessible to criticism of their actions and personality will perceive comments with anger, trying to attack in response or defend themselves. In many ways, the ability for a critical attitude is explained by the level of self-acceptance and the ability to put up with the imperfection of the world. It is not an innate and stable characteristic, but rather a consequence of education.

If desired, each person is able to adjust the level of criticality of the inner look. This can happen after significant events, changes, or as a result of directed work with a psychotherapist.

How to relate to this concept and what to do with your own level of criticism - everyone decides for himself. To make the right decision, I recommend that you carefully study the positive and negative aspects of the influence of self-criticism on a person’s life.

Positive aspects of self-criticism

For a mature person, critical remarks are the norm. They bring only positive changes, even if the initial feelings are unpleasant. It's absolutely normal to be upset by the realization that somewhere the level of knowledge does not match or the work was done poorly. But it is the understanding and analysis of one's actions that make it possible to improve oneself.

Criticism of oneself should work for personal development and elimination of shortcomings, help develop the ability to see one's weaknesses in time and form a different position.

Ideally, criticism directed at oneself helps to realistically assess the situation. Those. quality, which is initially positioned as an assessment of one's condition, eventually leads to the ability to evaluate others.

A person who is able to adequately understand his condition can objectively evaluate others, which helps to build high-quality connections. And the one who considers himself the most intelligent and beautiful (in the absence of self-criticism) or unworthy and ugly (with its excessive development), as a result, cannot adequately assess the situation in the real world.

Thus, a healthy critical and even slightly ironic attitude towards oneself ensures good socialization. It helps to see the paths of necessary development.

Healthy self-criticism should lead to:

• an increase in the level of personal responsibility (for the future and decision-making in current situations);
• taking on certain restrictions and austerities related to the elimination of harmful habits and actions (refers to situations when a person performs unnecessary actions);
• implementation of a new activity, the purpose of which is further development (concerns situations when the necessary actions are not performed).

In all cases, actions are required that change the person himself and his reality, attitude to the world. If a person only talks about his own unworthiness and depravity, without making any attempts to turn the situation in his favor, then such a state is called self-blame or self-flagellation.

The purpose of such empty talk can be reduced to a call for sympathy from others. Such a desire to get help or plunge into sad experiences.

If changes do not occur, self-criticism ceases to be a useful quality for the individual and begins to manifest itself from the negative side.

How can self-criticism interfere with life and fulfillment?

It is good if a person can not only see his own shortcomings, but also direct them in a positive direction of change. But remember yourself when your reproaches did not turn into changes.

Examples of destructive self-criticism:

• Constantly scolding yourself for lack of willpower and excess weight, continuing to eat cakes in kilograms.
• To break in the proof of their professional insolvency, while refusing to take refresher courses.
• Reproach yourself for the lack of interest in yourself among others, while being rude and doing bad things towards people.

Such examples show how excessive self-criticism without a vector of effective activity can be introduced into our lives. At the same time, the consequences of such behavior can be quite serious for the individual and the psyche as a whole.

Among the common violations due to an increased level of criticality, there may be:

• decrease in self-esteem;
• development ;
• increased internal anxiety;
• problems in building social ties;
• lack of professional and creative realization;
• general degradation of the personality (in the most severe and prolonged cases).

Being exclusively a habit of building the course of one's own thoughts, self-criticism can move a person away from the realization of his goals. Anyone who constantly scolds himself and considers himself a loser is unlikely to try his hand at a new project. Those who think they are ugly rarely approach to get acquainted, thereby taking away a lot of opportunities from their lives.

In addition, it is worth remembering that people treat us the way we allow it. This means that the more a person tells about his shortcomings, the more they will be seen in him. For comparison, look at those who constantly talk about their luck, professionalism and other virtues - objectively they can be the same as those of the one who criticizes himself, but in the eyes of others, one will be a loser and the other a winner. A strong tendency to exaggerate shortcomings eventually makes them real.

Conclusion

As you can see from the above, the lack of self-criticism, as well as its excessive manifestation, can lead to disastrous results. The benefit and degree is determined by each person independently in relation to the situation and inner self-perception. The main thing is to focus on the possibility of transforming the ability to notice shortcomings into the ability to correct them.

In order not to miss new articles and interesting topics, subscribe to the blog. Share materials with friends and leave comments. Feedback is a great opportunity for constructive self-criticism.

See you soon!

The material was prepared by Yulia Gintsevich.

2 comments 08/05/17

Excessive self-criticism is associated with low self-esteem and perfectionism. In the case of low self-esteem, it is not always possible to distinguish what is primary here: excessive self-criticism, which led to a decrease in self-esteem, or low self-esteem is accompanied by excessive demands on oneself. Most likely, there is a vicious circle here: self-criticism-self-esteem-self-criticism again, and so on until the complete loss of self-confidence.

Often we do not even notice it, despite the fact that the damage to ourselves is enormous. So, by what signs can we guess that we are unfairly and undeservedly criticizing ourselves? In this article, I will answer this question based on my professional observations.

The habit of blaming only yourself for any troubles

You are a very, just a "hyper-responsible" person, and therefore hurry to take full responsibility for any troubles, including bad weather, that occur around you, even when it is not your fault at all. This is the most common type of self-critical person I encounter in my work.

Instead of analyzing mistakes, evaluate yourself

Even if there was a trouble, instead of thinking about what wrong actions you took in order to avoid mistakes next time, you begin to criticize yourself as a person, while not embarrassed in your assessments. Your own opinion of you is reduced, self-confidence is lost, which automatically increases the likelihood of mistakes in the future.

Always try to avoid risk when making decisions

It's the fear of failure. Not only is failure unpleasant in itself, but you will accompany it with such a pile of self-criticism! How difficult it will be later to restore the broken conceit from fragments! It’s easier not to take risks, everything is fine, and self-esteem is in order, only how much such a strategy limits your options!

Avoid expressing your opinion openly

It always seems to you that other people are better informed than you, they have higher qualifications and they have every right to express their opinion. You do not find your own opinion to be either authoritative, or qualified, or worthy of attention; you, without a doubt, are a person prone to self-criticism.

You are not satisfied with the results - this also indicates excessive self-criticism

Whatever you do, you always discover shortcomings later, which gives you the inner right to do nothing - if you don’t know how to do it well, you shouldn’t take it on. But even in case of success, you focus more on the shortcomings.

You have extremely high demands and demands on yourself

You sincerely believe that it is impossible to be happy if you are not very rich, not very smart, beautiful and super creative - so that there is not even a reason for self-criticism. These standards cannot be translated into reality, so faith in one's abilities is undermined - here is another example of a self-critical approach.

You have increased anxiety

You always keep negative scenarios in your head, what will happen if something goes wrong, especially the expectations of personal failure or even insults that you think you foresee. Such anxiety can also be an example of excessive self-criticism.

Never ask for help

Asking someone for help is a serious test for you, then in your eyes you will look weak or inept, although there is nothing reprehensible in this - you just need help, but as a self-critical person, you immediately give yourself a bad mark.

Avoid insisting on your wants and needs

Self-critical people are often afraid of rejection. Yes, there is always a chance of rejection when you state your requirements, this is life and this is normal. However, an overly self-critical person is so convinced of the expected rejection that he accepts it already in advance and does not even try to insist on something.

As a child, you were chronically criticized by your parents or mentors

As a child, did you experience completely negative criticism from one or both parents at once? Then, perhaps, you just continue the internal dialogue in the same negative accusatory way. It doesn’t even occur to you that there is something wrong or unfair in this - because it has always been so.

Again and again you continue to analyze your mistakes

How often do you go over the mistakes you've made? You spend a huge amount of time and effort trying to analyze them, again fail mentally, and punish yourself with self-criticism.

You are not inclined to forgive anyone

Forgiving yourself and others requires easing criticism and self-criticism. Once you're stuck in it, it's not so easy to let go of resentment or frustration. Even so, you are more willing to forgive others than your own failures.

Do not give yourself compliments and cannot accept them from others

You do not see a reason to say - but I was good in this situation! In the case when you are praised, there is no feeling that the praise is well-deserved. On the contrary, you are clearly prone to self-abasement. These are signs of chronic self-criticism.

See everything in black and white

For you, there are only extreme values, you are prone to extreme judgments, everything is either good or bad. By setting absolute ideals, you ignore intermediate results and deprive yourself of the satisfaction of small, but achievements.

In life, your successes chronically lag behind your capabilities.

A classic sign of excessive self-criticism. After years of relentless work, effort, and suffering, you may be disappointed by how much less than you expected. Self-flagellation is in the way of your success in life, this strategy needs to be radically reconsidered.

The nature of self-criticism

Unfortunately, for self-critical people, this is such a cozy and habitable psychological environment - starting from childhood, when there was a continuous stream of criticism from parents and teachers. Such emotional coloring becomes habitual and is perceived as normal. Even worse, gradually self-criticism becomes automatic. To stop this destructive flow, a long and conscious study of all the mechanisms of self-criticism and getting rid of it is needed.

Self-criticism is a property inherent in a person who is able to adequately assess his behavior in real life, recognize his mistakes, and try to correct them.

Definition of the term

Self-criticism is a quality for which there are several definitions. For example, this term means a sober assessment by the individual of different living conditions, recognition of mistakes, misconduct. This quality is manifested in a critical attitude towards one's own "I". Some psychologists believe that self-criticism is the absence of selfishness, the presence of self-respect.

Advantages

Let's try to identify those distinctive characteristics that can be considered the advantages of this quality.

Self-criticism, modesty are those distinctive qualities that are less and less common in the modern generation.

The following can be noted as the advantages of such a person:

• self-improvement involves certain efforts made by a person to obtain new knowledge;
• the ability to recognize one's own shortcomings allows one to adjust one's own actions to achieve results in a certain area of ​​activity;
• people with healthy self-esteem analyze their actions, draw the right conclusions, eliminate problems and errors.

Self-criticism is respect not only for yourself, but also for the people around you. Only a person capable of introspection can admit his own mistakes, compromise with the interlocutor.

disadvantages

In addition to numerous positive parameters, this personality trait also has certain disadvantages.

Self-criticism, modesty, pride characterize the person who is overly demanding of himself. This leads to self-humiliation, provokes the emergence of a depressive state. A situation arises in which a person begins to see only negative qualities in himself, does not notice his best sides. With prolonged self-flagellation, various mental pathologies arise; far from everyone succeeds in getting out of depression on their own.

Statements about self-criticism

This quality is possessed by the characters of many literary works created by domestic and foreign writers. Examples of self-criticism - the statements of great philosophers, scientists, artists and poets - testify to how often talented and gifted people think about this quality.

For example, Socrates said that he only knows “that he knows nothing.” Of particular interest is Oblomov's self-criticism in Goncharov's novel. The protagonist of this work constantly analyzes his actions, treats himself with disdain.

Many people in society present themselves as victims, do not want to admit their own mistakes, do not plan to correct them.

rules

In order to develop self-criticism, you need to know some rules:

• it is difficult to find ideal people;
• do not retreat if you are sure that you are right;
• it is necessary to listen to intuition;
• You need to have fun, do not lose your sense of humor.

Self-criticism is a conscious assessment of one's positive characteristics as a person.

For example, the plan of youth, Oblomov's self-criticism can be considered a value that not everyone owns and uses.

Problems from childhood

Problems associated with self-criticism begin in childhood. When well-meaning parents unwittingly lower their children's self-esteem, they have no idea what the consequences will be for the children.

For example, mothers have high hopes for their babies, and if they are not justified, they lower their self-esteem by criticizing them.

Kids do not understand why they are not happy with them, and gradually turn into insecure teenagers. does not mean that you need to constantly praise your children. But criticism must be reasonable so that there are no problems with the mental state.

Children with low self-esteem choose to communicate with them. With every mistake, wrong act, they will consider themselves even more insolvent individuals. Such teenagers are characterized by pessimism, fear of public speaking, low activity.

Important Points

Every person has certain flaws. Not everyone is able to take off the mask, to demonstrate their true face. When criticizing yourself, you cannot go beyond certain limits, otherwise your mood will deteriorate, physical well-being will worsen, and depressive symptoms may appear.

Self-criticism should become a kind of lifesaver that helps to correct mistakes and eliminate problems. It is she who provides an opportunity for a new start to self-improvement and development.

Instead of a conclusion

Self-criticism is a person's reflective attitude towards himself, his ability to independently look for mistakes, evaluate behavior, and analyze actions. The presence of self-criticism is a prerequisite for the mental comfort of a person.

This is a realistic and objective analysis of your strengths and weaknesses, strengths and weaknesses. A person who is able to evaluate himself objectively, without prejudice to his own mistakes, tries to correct them. Such a person does not admire his perfection and originality, but seeks to increase his intellectual level.

In everyday life, this quality helps people achieve career heights. They treat their colleagues with respect, so people with adequate self-esteem make excellent leaders.

The best students in school are precisely those guys who have normal self-criticism. This quality gives them the opportunity to use additional forces to acquire knowledge, they are not limited to "superficiality".

In the course of scientific experiments conducted by psychologists, it was possible to establish a connection between the presence of self-criticism in adolescents and their success in school life. Unfortunately, only a few schoolchildren are capable of analyzing their achievements and failures and drawing appropriate conclusions.

With the introduction of federal educational standards of the second generation in secondary schools, the situation changed in better side. GEF involves reflection in the classroom, extracurricular activities. Within its framework, the guys analyze their activities, evaluate them.

After a detailed analysis of the universal skills acquired by them during the lesson (class), the teacher can change

Such an innovation had a positive impact on the formation of self-assessment skills, contributed to the stimulation of independent activity of schoolchildren in obtaining universal educational skills and abilities.

The developers of all the innovations currently being introduced in Russian educational institutions tried to maximize the desire of children for independent development.

For the same purpose, mandatory project and research activities appeared in the curricula in various scientific disciplines in the schools of the Russian Federation. In the process of conducting independent experiments, children receive not only communication skills, important knowledge, but also learn to conduct self-assessment.

We use certain habits every day, so getting rid of some of them is extremely difficult. First of all, you need to realize that there is a problem. In the case of self-criticism, the problem really exists. The fact is that if you do not know how to accept yourself, praise and encourage, then you should not expect this from other people, you give them a reason, treat you the way you yourself do it. The habit of constantly criticizing oneself should be attributed to the negative qualities of any person. Psychologist Oksana Klimenko Learn how to get rid of self-criticism.

What is self-criticism and what can it lead to?

Self-criticism seems to be a completely understandable word, and a very socially acceptable behavior. Self-critical people, as a rule, cause respect and even encouragement in society. Why, as a rule, self-criticism brings suffering to the person himself? Let's analyze this concept into its components - criticism directed at oneself. Criticism (derived from the Greek concept - "the art of parsing, judgment") - the identification of contradictions, the identification of errors and their analysis, a negative judgment about something with an indication of shortcomings. It is this part of the word that causes respect in society, because, as Eric Berne (ed. - American psychologist and psychiatrist) would say, it sends us to the parental position. That is, we are faced with the understanding learned in childhood that all actions and deeds must be passed through the filter: “How will parents evaluate them?” A self-critical person has learned this understanding very well and carries it with him through life. Only instead of parents now come the demands of the environment, the society in which he is currently located. And it would seem that this makes it possible to feel great in society, just learn all the requirements, delve into the mistakes, correct them, do not step on the same rake and everything will be fine! But not everything is so simple. If the child's parents were loving and accepting enough, the person's self-criticism will not be absorbing and annihilating. And if not? What leads to the fact that self-criticism becomes destructive for a person? Already at the age of 2 years, children have an idea of ​​themselves, it is formed even at the pre-verbal level, creating in the child an image of himself, his basic elements of the self-concept. During preschool age, children form some kind of generalized attitudes towards themselves, consider themselves "good", "bad", "kopush" or "unskillful". In addition, during these years, a number of ideals are formed in children. They learn to evaluate themselves in relation to what they think they should be. Self-esteem of children is a direct reflection of the attitude of others around them. But it is not at all correct to assume that a child with high self-esteem will be less self-critical. High self-esteem and low self-esteem are two sides of the same coin. Both are built on building an idealized self-image. And where there is idealization, there is depreciation. Knowing how others see us is an essential step in developing self-knowledge. The modern world is permeated with individualization, the Personality is at the center of attention of progress. Self-knowledge, as a component of this process, acquires today, the most important place in the self-realization of a person. And the pace of development of modern society implies equally rapid changes in the requirements for a person. As a result, people with low self-esteem, who assume that they have nothing to fail in this life, hopelessly lag behind like schoolchildren who have launched the program a long time ago. They attribute to themselves complete hopelessness and devalue any opportunity to get out of this “pit”. Individuals with high self-esteem, idealizing their capabilities, are always in tension, in a desire to comply, and the more painful their disappointment is in cases of failures or mistakes. Such people always strive for perfection, but even while improving themselves, they still remain dissatisfied with themselves.

How to avoid excessive self-criticism?

There is a way out - Cultivate a realistic understanding of your capabilities.

An unrealistic perception of oneself is brought up by parents who set too many “conditions for love”, evaluate the child, cannot accept him for who he is, compare him with others, severely punish him for failures. As we age, we continue to do this instead of the parents (internalizing parental behavior).

What can unhealthy self-criticism lead to?

There are two poles where excessive criticality leads

A constant stay in fear of repeating past mistakes and, accordingly, generally unwillingness to go in this direction. Shame avoidance, inactivity, apathy.

Hanging in the process of "ranking" long and painful deliberations before taking any step:

What is "better" to choose? Uncertainty, painful perfectionism.

How to get rid of the habit of constantly criticizing yourself?

If you notice that you are suffering from this, and for some reason you cannot count on the help of a psychologist, use auto-training:

Write a list of your strengths and weaknesses, ask people who love you to write the same list, analyze the result, you may find that your list of weaknesses is greatly exaggerated.

- "Write" in your mind: I accept myself as I am. I develop my abilities, work on the shortcomings to the best of my ability. I don't have to be perfect in everything and for everyone. I am aware of my strengths and weaknesses and accept them.

To get rid of the habit of constantly criticizing yourself, try not to fall into the trap of other people's assessments. You can't form an opinion about yourself based on how others judge you. It is difficult to be good for everyone, and there is no point in striving for this. Remind yourself of this as often as possible. When evaluating yourself, try to analyze whose assessment is most important to you at the moment, from whose position you criticize yourself, and whether this person is so perfect.

Consider the opinions of others, and do not appropriate it for yourself. This will help you get rid of the habit of constantly criticizing yourself. Listening to someone else's opinion about yourself can be useful, but this does not mean that any criticism is a reason for action or self-humiliation. Often the assessment of others is based on their idea of ​​an idealized self. In the pursuit of conformity to other people's ideas about the ideal, you lose your individuality and uniqueness.

Think that development is good. But if for some reason you cannot or do not want to develop further, then there is nothing in it that makes you unworthy of respect in their eyes. Don't fall into this trap. It very often captures precisely those who are very demanding of themselves. Do what is in your power to improve, but not to the limit.

If you want to get rid of self-criticism, enjoy the process, and do not make yourself dependent on the result. Too much hope for a satisfactory result often leads to devastation in case of failure.

Pay attention to what is good in you and appreciate it. Instead of looking for what's not perfect in you. Learn to appreciate what you have now. Often people do not notice the positive that is in their lives - it is taken for granted.