Hello)
I really need help, that's why I turn to this forum. It is difficult for me to clearly and consistently describe the essence of my problem, but I will try. I am 19 years old, I am in the 3rd year of university.

1) For as long as I can remember, I have always lived in my own fantasy world - constant fantasies. Perhaps this was normal for a small child, but when I went to school, I began to have constant conflicts with my mother, plus, my classmates did not accept me. Therefore, I did not outgrow this habit of fantasizing, but on the contrary, I began to move further and further away from the real world. It goes something like this: I'm walking down the street, sitting in pairs, walking with a friend, etc., and a whole story unfolds in my head where I can be anyone and get whatever I want. I even have certain habits that support this fantasizing: long walks around the city with headphones in my ears, travel by public transport, riding a swing for children, searching the Internet for information on the topic of fantasizing, etc.

Here is a non-exhaustive list of problems that I have because of this:
I am always dissatisfied with myself, because from my real actions I do not get the result that I already received in my fantasies. For example, I imagined how I would get 5 for the exam, but I got 4 - and that's it, I hate myself.
I spend too much real time and real energy on these fantasies, so it turns out that I am wasting my life.
I don't know who I really am - what I really like, what I really want, etc.
I don't know how to get emotions from real life, all of them are only from fantasies.

2) Here's another point: I dated guys, but I can't build a normal relationship. The problem again is that because of my fantasies I do not see a real person. On the one hand, I really want a relationship, but on the other hand, I don’t need them, because it’s much easier to build relationships in my fantasies. I believe that I can only build normal relationships when I grow out of my fantasies and stop trying to fill my emptiness with another person.

3) I know that I need to forgive my mother and improve my relationship with her, but I don't know how. The very thought that I will have to talk heart to heart with her and touch her makes me afraid, and all her actions annoy me. By the way, because of this, I have problems in relations with my only girlfriend - sometimes I break down on her, and sometimes I just quietly hate her, because she looks like my mother.

When I get out of my fantasies and realize reality, I get scared that I won’t succeed, that I’m not smart enough, beautiful enough, that reality is generally terrible, etc. I have a feeling of emptiness and hopelessness, and I again run away into fantasy.

What helps me a little:
1) Organize everything. I need perfect order in the room and on the table. When my room is a mess, I can’t do anything at all, I want to hide in a corner and cover my face with my hands. (Actually, I usually clean up the mess)
2) Tell yourself that I am stronger than my obsessive thoughts, that I can handle it, etc.
3) I learned to stop thinking, that is, how to not think about anything at all, at least for a couple of minutes. That is, to concentrate on what I see, hear and feel, instead of thoughts. Very often it helps, but it helps temporarily.
4) I started a diary the other day, I will write down my goals and desires in it, when the studies begin I will write goals and tasks for every day. I hope this helps me not to leave everything to the last day.

Now for what I want:
I want to stop running away from reality, start living in the present and get real emotions. I know that if I can do this, I can achieve anything I want. I also want to get rid of low self-esteem and all the traumas that I had (after all, relationships with classmates and resentment towards my mother were not in vain anyway).

From the forum, I want any help: advice, leading questions, links to articles, books, etc. I will honestly read and study everything.

P.S. I know for sure that my condition is not schizophrenia. This is because my fantasies are just fantasies, I clearly distinguish between them and the real world.

Hello dear readers! Life sometimes presents a person with such a difficult test that he cannot cope with it and runs away from the problem. Or real life seems so boring, monotonous and unbearable that a person invents his own world, into which he plunges more and more. Today I want to talk with you about the danger of escaping reality into the world of illusions, what are the options for avoiding problems and what to do about it so as not to lose touch with reality for good.

Why does a person escape reality

In psychology, there are several defense mechanisms that help a person deal with difficulties. For example, memory loss. When a disaster occurs, a person does not remember anything that connected him with this incident. Or a girl who was abused. Memory deliberately erases these memories so as not to cause even more damage to mental health.

Escape from reality is also a kind of defense mechanism that helps a person overcome a difficult period in life or cope with unbearable experiences. You can learn more about defense mechanisms in Larisa Subbotina's book " Psychological protection and stress».

When a person no longer has enough strength to fight reality, with real problems, he finds a way that helps him maintain mental balance. For example, escaping from reality helped people who were in concentration camps a lot.

Sometimes this defense mechanism is formed at an early age and simply becomes a habit. One of my clients used to go into the world of her fantasies when her parents were arguing. And this habit has entered her life so much that now the girl is not able to be in conflict situations, she does not know how to resolve such issues and prefers to escape to another reality.

Stress, strong emotional or physical tension, a turning point in life, a difficult breakup - all this can lead to escape from reality and create your own version of life. In a mild form, such a defense mechanism helps a person survive crises. But when the form becomes more severe or a person chooses a destructive way of escaping from reality, then outside help is indispensable.

World of illusion

Where do people go at a critical moment? There are several options for escaping reality. The most harmless is going into literature, cinema, music. John Tolkien, for example, called himself one of the first escapists. (Escapism is a departure from reality). Creating his own world took him most of his life, which gave you and me a whole universe with elves, dwarves, an eternal war for power, and so on.

But there are also more dangerous options. Departure into a fantasy world or living in the past. So, women often cannot let go of the image of a former spouse who left for another woman, and continue to believe that a happy future together awaits them. And so she sits all day and dreams, imagines them together, does not meet new people, because the image of her ex-husband is too strong. “We will be fine with him,” the woman says.

Among the departure to the fantasy world are computer games, which today have a huge distribution around the world. Teenagers are so immersed in the unreal universe, associate themselves with the characters of the games that they completely fall out of real life.

Another option is overconsumption. To feel the joy of life, a person needs to acquire or buy something, the so-called shopaholism. Or such a stage when a person drags home everything that lies badly. My friend's father, already at a rather advanced age, drags home everything from the street, garbage dumps.

Going into a dream can be dangerous because a person lives with his own illusory ideas that have no connection with reality.

Dreaming is, of course, healthy and useful. But it is important that dreams are real and feasible or close to it.

When a dream has an unrealizable character, a person falls into a trap, because he strives for its implementation, and this is impossible. Therefore, all his actions are not aimed at the real world, real problem solving, real communication, but at his fantasy world.

The most dangerous escapes from reality are associated with alcohol, drugs or drugs. Under the influence of these means, a person experiences new, vivid emotions and impressions that cannot be received in reality. They attract and lure into their networks. The need for a new dose increases, over time, the effect becomes less noticeable, even more is required, and so the person falls into a trap,.

If you feel similar problems with yourself or a loved one, then you definitely need to pay attention to my two articles: "" and "".

You can get away from reality in gambling, extreme sports, gluttony or starvation, sex, workaholism, and so on. There are a lot of options for replacing reality, especially in the modern world.

But the main difference between a healthy defense mechanism and a serious problem is that a person does not lose touch with reality. He continues to communicate with people, he is concerned about the problems of close and dear people, he is able to do without his hobby for a long time.

Return to reality

Sometimes getting away from reality is really useful and necessary to maintain your mental health. When a person experiences severe stress, meets with a crisis, then overcoming this, he grows, becomes even stronger, wiser, more experienced.

That is why it is so important to learn how to deal with similar situations in life, my article "" will come in handy for you. After all, it is very important to get back in shape after a difficult life period.

You can get rid of the desire to escape into the world of illusions only by realizing reality, understanding your problems, taking responsibility for your life on yourself. Running away is the easiest and most destructive way. But the fight against problems is your chance to become stronger.

You need to understand your real desires well. You can achieve happiness by satisfying your true needs. That is why we need to act here and now.

If the situation becomes serious, then you should definitely seek help from a specialist, since it is extremely difficult and often impossible to cope on your own in this situation.

What do you think is the most common problem people run away from? Are you aware of your defense mechanisms? How can you help someone in a similar situation?

Live here and now.
Be happy!

In philosophy, the phenomenon of escapism is not properly covered. mostly discussed at the household level or in the aspect of psychology. Few studies are devoted to the so-called escapist literary works. As a rule, these are creations in the genre or fantasy.

Escapism - what is it? This phenomenon is a very interesting multifaceted problem that deserves a separate philosophical study. At the same time, it is important to take for granted the fact that the phenomenon under consideration is a part of the psyche of any individual, forcing us to continuously create points of attraction, to which consciousness so strives to “escape”.

Everything is good in moderation

Many of us are escapists to one degree or another. That this phenomenon can take painful, perverted forms, experts have long established. Most dictionary definitions of the phenomenon under consideration have a negative connotation, since they describe the weakness of the individual and the lack of ability to withstand the challenges of everyday life. At the same time, if we manage to find a person who does not have an escapist consciousness at all, we will most likely encounter a special mental pathology. Agree, it is difficult even to imagine an individual who has absolutely no ability to imagine.

However, this phenomenon cannot be fully equated with fantasy. The latter is only the most common form of such a phenomenon as escapism. That this is simply the realization of an escapist consciousness must be taken into account when considering the characteristics of a particular individual.

Research problems

Recently, young people of thirteen to twenty-five years old are increasingly suffering from escapism. The door to another reality is opened by virtual games, during which you can become a full-fledged participant in an exciting story. The disorder negatively affects not only mental but also physical health.

Typical problems of the escapist gamer

• Constant migraines, unbearable headaches.
• Insomnia.
• Problems with the functioning of the gastrointestinal tract.
• Disorders of the musculoskeletal system.
• Hearing and vision impairment.

Psychological difficulties

• Closure, loss of contact with family and friends.
• Trouble in school, career, family.
• Instability to stress, moral weakness.
• Difficulty adapting to new conditions.
• (narcissism, mania, sociopathy, schizoid disorders, psychopathy, neuroses).

Getting rid of the problem

Do you understand what is preventing you from living a normal life and developing escapism? Treatment at the clinic will not be offered. You need to break out of fantasy captivity on your own. Learn to look at life without rose-colored glasses and accept reality with all its dirt and problems. It is not easy and requires constant practice. Feel the charm of the fact that our life, and we are all different. Many unfulfilled dreams are a source of ever-increasing dissatisfaction with yourself, so forbid yourself to soar in the clouds often and for a long time. Try to realize your fantasies, you can start with the smallest ones. In the process of their implementation, you simply will not have time for too much.

Get your brain active. Routine exacerbates the situation. Solve crossword puzzles, learn languages, learn poems and songs, read - finding something to your liking is not so difficult. Do not rely on someone to cheer you up and make you laugh. Act yourself.

Conclusion

Escapism provides the opportunity to live not one, not two, but many lives. We all know how changeable the course of time is. It depends on our own feelings. Just remember how long the minutes of waiting last ... Due to such a psychological feature, for a certain period of time, you can experience much more than reality allows us. The only danger is that you risk getting lost in the labyrinths of fantasy. Don't make escape from reality an end in itself. Don't make a temporary shelter permanent.

Question to the psychologist:

Hello, I'll start with an introduction, from early childhood I had no friends at all, I was an outcast at school. I was often visited by thoughts of suicide, but everything changed with admission to the school, I became very socialized, and my appearance became very beautiful, and it would seem that everything is fine but.

I live in my fantasies, I don’t need a real life, at all, in my dreams, just imagining (for example) that I am lying on the rails, and a train is riding above me, then I will experience a very intense fear and a storm of emotions, as if it really happened . For the last 4 years, I began to understand that I am talking to myself, I can answer aloud the dialogue in my head, if I suddenly think when I walk down the street, answer the dialogues to myself in a whisper and ask them myself. From the outside it looks shocking.

At any moment I can abandon my friends, and my own dreams will replace everything, I am anyone in them: I can live in the world of magicians, have wings, be a great scientist, but in reality I am nobody. I will never be smart enough to become a scientist (I just soberly assess, because this is true) a very bad memory (I can’t remember yesterday, sometimes I forget my age and even what I said 5 minutes ago). Sometimes I tell (unconsciously) to my friends life stories that never happened, not because I want recognition, I just can’t distinguish between fantasy and reality.

Now the situation in the country is not the best, and I just don’t want to live the same life as other people, pay half my life for a mortgage for a 1-room apartment, go to an unloved job all my life (and such is any favorite activity that you start doing not for my own pleasure, but you please the boss or the customer), I don’t need children and, in general, the usual values ​​​​of people. Hiking somewhere is no longer pleasing, unusual places do not cause delight, there is no desire to live, there is no desire to eat, drink, I have lost a lot of weight over the past 6 months, and I don’t know how to find the strength to live in myself, this is not just a fleeting depression I've been that way all my life.

About parents: I lived without a father, my mother worked for a penny and it happened that she didn’t even have anything to eat, she constantly says that she loves me, but I don’t care, I don’t share her faith in God (a staunch atheist) I don’t share any of her interests, and In general, I am very often ashamed of her. This gave an echo in later life, I'm scared to show others, even what kind of music I listen to, I'm very afraid of their criticism. When I first moved out of my mother (14 years old), I was so downtrodden that I was even afraid to say “thank you”, and stepped over myself in order to squeeze out at least some kind of politeness.

I want to know the answer to 3 questions: "what should I do with developing schizophrenia", "how to stop wishing myself to die" and "how do I live, in the real world?

The psychologist Sologubova Ekaterina Alexandrovna answers the question.

Hope, good afternoon! Your situation is extremely serious and may soon lead to complete isolation from society and withdrawal into your own invented world and even greater immersion in fantasy. I don't want to scare you, but smoothing out sharp corners, in my opinion, is wrong in this case.

I noticed that you are overly critical of your own talents and abilities - for example, you write that you are nothing. This, by definition, cannot be so, because you are an individual, a person, a girl unlike any other, you are exactly what you are, and the fact that you are afraid of criticism from others is quite normal and is characteristic of absolutely everyone. The only thing I would like to note is that your interests (be it music or hobbies) are precisely your interests and you have every right to do what you want. And how others will react to this is already their own business. It's impossible to please everyone!

I would like to clarify, is there anything in this real world that can attract you, bring joy, satisfaction, delight and surprise you? Perhaps, if you think about it, this real and not virtual world (in which you plunge from time to time) still has a chance to satisfy your craving for adventure, realizing yourself in different roles, meeting interesting, extraordinary people.

Another clarifying question is these fantasies, are they evoked by you on purpose when, for some reason, you feel sad, bored, uninterested, or do they come by themselves and are not controlled by you?

You write about friends, as I understand, you have them and so far communication with them brings you satisfaction. Regarding the distinction between reality and fantasy, which you tell your friends about: anyway, at a certain moment, you understand where the fantasy took place. Just in the process of communication you can not give an objective assessment of this!

As for your criticism of the economic and political situation in the country: I absolutely agree with you, this is a difficult period and no one wants to fall into bondage, into which we are driven by the need to do what we must. But nevertheless, one has to live in this world and somehow adapt. So, for example, it is possible to change the place of residence (including moving abroad), change of job (as an option, work for yourself - in the event that pressure from the authorities is unbearable), etc.

As for your refusal to eat and drink, this worries me very much. And here is the answer to your first question: most likely you can not do without consulting a psychiatrist and a psychotherapist, it is better if they work in pairs. Just do not be afraid of these specialists. There are psychiatrists who accept on a private basis, and not in a dispensary, and who can advise appropriate drugs ... This does not mean at all that you will be registered or hospitalized. But you can’t delay with this either, until you have finally gone into the world of fantasy.

You ask: "How to stop wishing yourself to die?" It is not easy to answer this, but as soon as you start seeing a psychiatrist, this question will most likely disappear as unnecessary. When the world around you begins to bring you joy, and you see yourself in it and accept yourself as you are (with all the flaws and oddities) - thoughts of suicide will leave your head.

The answer to your third question - I already gave a little higher - you need to live in spite of everything and at all costs. You can consider options for changing the type of activity or the format of the workflow (for example, working as an individual entrepreneur), etc. In the most unfavorable conditions, it is possible to find a niche where it would be comfortable to work and live. The main thing is not to despair!

Hope, do not waste time, contact the experts as soon as possible. Good luck to you! Sincerely, psychologist Ekaterina Sologubova.

4.82 Rating 4.82 (25 votes)

Question to a psychologist

I live in fantasy, in a fictional world where I'm perfect and everything is fine. But I understand that it's impossible and I need to live in reality, but I can't.
I have no friends at all, I am constantly in myself, I hardly even leave the house, I am not interested in communicating with people, I am very afraid of people.
And I live in fantasies: I really like to be alone at home, I turn on music and imagine different situations, I walk like crazy around the room, I imagine my friends with whom it is very difficult for me to communicate in reality, I communicate with them although they are not there, but I imagine them, and I behave with them very boldly, and they behave the way I would like. It already seems to me that I'm going crazy.
sometimes I even just walk down the street in my headphones and imagine something.
and so almost every day, in a fictional world I have a great mood and I laugh, but in the real world everything is just awful, I constantly have no mood and cry for no reason. I love to dance very much, but I gave up dancing, now I dance at home representing the stage and all those people!
please help me how to get rid of this? Or have I completely lost my mind?

Irina, this happens when something does not suit you in today's life.

In order to avoid such a "departure into fantasy", it is advisable to realize that you are so unhappy in today and in your life - and change it ...

More about this - here:
http://psiholog-dnepr.com.ua/psychological-stories/ushel-obeshchal-vernutsya

To do this, try to turn to yourself - to your feelings, thoughts and, most importantly, desires and figure out what you want for yourself - for your body, appearance, health, for your activities, career, finances, for your contacts - with yourself and others, for their relationships with the opposite sex, for communication with their family, friends and relatives, for their plans, goals, meanings, faith, etc.

And make what you want.

Sincerely, Kiselevskaya Svetlana, psychologist, master.

Good answer 5 bad answer 2

Hello. Irina. Living in a fantasy means that you are afraid to live in reality. That is, you are poorly adapted to reality. Adaptation occurs in early childhood, when a child is raised. That is, in order to get closer to reality, it is important to have new relationship strategies. this is difficult to do, since it is overcoming fears of being a different person. You can work with the Ellis book. Humanistic psychotherapy. Six months. If changes do not occur, then the help of a specialist is preferable. The issue is closely related to a sense of self-worth. and impeccable, you become confident in various areas of relationships, you have goals, aspirations, opportunities, in the form of abilities and initiative. The question takes time and motivation.

Karataev Vladimir Ivanovich, psychologist of the psychoanalytic school Volgograd

Good answer 5 bad answer 0

Hello Irina!

Irina I have a lot of questions.

In order for you to receive adequate assistance, you need to visit an endocrinologist, neuropathologist, psychiatrist.

When the medical factor is ruled out, make an appointment with a psychotherapist / psychologist.

Consider the proposed options, the rehabilitation plan. Be attentive to the competence of a specialist.

Mirmanova M.B., psychologist Kostanay.

Good answer 8 bad answer 1

Irina, teaching you to live in reality was the task of your parents in your early childhood. This did not happen and we have what we have.

Today you yourself have to get out of this meaningless state, with the help of a specialist. Living in the past or in the future is the same as not living, you miss the present, what is happening nearby (interesting interlocutors, friends, girlfriends, relationships with guys, and all the events of this life ..)

Find this specialist for yourself, it is extremely difficult to do it on your own.

Sincerely, Olga Chemeris.

Chemeris Olga Valentinovna, psychologist Kostanay

Good answer 9 bad answer 2