Sometimes the opinion is expressed that the best times for introverts are in the past, and in the modern world they feel like strangers. Here, energy, pressure, sociability and other properties that are inherent in extroverts are more valued. The word "introvert" is associated with immersion in oneself, isolation, unsociableness. Although in reality this is not always true. It is also believed that introverts are shy, complex about their nature, trying to be like extroverts. This is where overgeneralization can be a mistake. But even those introverts who can really be classified as shy and ashamed of themselves, there is no reason to complex about their nature. Introversion not only does not mean inferiority, but in some cases turns into serious advantages. In this article, we will review the book by the American psychotherapist and leading introversion specialist Marty Laney, The Advantages of Introverts.

Benefits of being an introvert

According to research, introverts make up only a quarter of all people living on the planet. And the fact that nature produces in smaller quantities receives certain advantages. Uniqueness is valued over stereotyping. Well, it’s probably unnecessary to say that in terms of mental health, introverts are completely normal people. The variety of types of living beings is the advantage of nature, increasing the resilience and adaptability of her creations.

According to the founder of analytical psychology, Carl Jung, a well-lived life implies integrity, that is, not trying to be everything possible, but harmony in the realization of the individuality that nature has awarded you. All types of people who are in the spectrum of the introverted-extroverted continuum are healthy and necessary for human society, the famous psychologist argued.

Unity of opposites

Extroversion and introversion are two genetically determined personality types that differ from each other in three main features.

• - A source of energy.
• - Behavior in response to arousal.
• - Depth and breadth of perception of what surrounds them.

Introverts draw energy within themselves, in their experiences, emotions and impressions. That is, they are quite self-sufficient individuals. They are good on their own. The outside world sometimes has a devastating effect on them, giving rise to experiences, causing nervousness and fatigue. As if to compensate for this shortcoming, introverts have an increased ability to focus on the main thing, patience and thoroughness.

Extroverts are people of action. They draw energy from outside, from other people, things, external events. They do not tolerate inactivity and loneliness. They, like air, need communication with other people, active actions, a visible result.

The response to arousal is one of the very important differences between introverts and extroverts. For the latter, the more signals come from outside, the more joyful and interesting life is. They like the thrill, the abundance of impressions, the presence of people around. It energizes them, makes life full and rich.

Introverts are the complete opposite. A kaleidoscope of events, exciting impressions overload their consciousness, unbalance and tire them. Being among people, actively communicating, they quickly lose energy, begin to feel empty. The ideal option for them is to focus on 1-2 tasks, and as few distractions as possible.

Width of coverage and depth of insight are usually mutually exclusive. The consciousness of extroverts contains everything - a large number of friends, a variety of experiences, a lot of interests. Their life is a kind of collecting impressions. With such coverage, it’s no surprise that extroverts lack depth. Their knowledge is more often superficial than thorough.

The limitation of impressions, which is characteristic of introverts, helps them to penetrate deeply into the essence of things. Their forte is a deep and thorough study of the subject. The circle of their friends is limited, but they are the closest and most devoted friends.

Introversion is OK

For many, a synonym for the word "introvert" is shyness, excessive sensitivity, even schizoid. But this is an oversimplified view. Shyness means a feeling of stiffness and awkwardness in the presence of other people, fearfulness and indecision. A shy person is uncomfortable around other people, he is secretive and awkward in the company. These behavioral traits are amenable to adjustment, while introversion is an innate and unchanging condition. Schizoid is a mental disorder, a disease. It involves fear of relationships with people, pain from contact with others. Hypersensitive people are very receptive and vulnerable, they avoid external relationships because of fear of excessive experiences that they want to avoid.

Unlike all of these types, introverts have normal social skills. It's just that external contacts give them little pleasure. Parties, social receptions and other public events tire and devastate them. But a calm conversation in a narrow, close company gives them pleasure, and they willingly take part in it. That is, introversion is a feature of a completely healthy person who has certain nuances in the perception of the outside world.

Introverts have a heightened sense of private living space. They try to restrict the access of outsiders to their personal area. They are sometimes accused of selfishness and even egocentrism. But these are unfair accusations. On the contrary, the ability of introverts to analyze their own feelings allows them to put themselves in the place of another and, thanks to this, understand him well.

Many introverts are bad at remembering faces and names. They remember their place in the queue better by the clothes of the person standing next to them than by their face.

Relationships between introverts and extroverts

Unfortunately, they do not always understand each other. Why is this happening? For several reasons. Because of the different manner of expressing their feelings and thoughts. Extroverts speak impromptu, without preparation, think and express their thoughts at the same time. Active, noisy, talking a lot, they attract the attention of others.

Introverts tend to think first, then speak. And only if the subject is known. They speak little, quietly, without interrupting each other. In a general conversation, introverts are not very noticeable, do not attract or attract attention.

Extroverts and introverts have different working styles. The first ones are often ahead of events, they take up the matter right away, not always having thought it over well. Introverts prefer to think first and then get to work.

If you are an extrovert and your subordinate is an introvert

It must be taken into account that you are dealing with a person who is not like you. He does not like to be among people, actively communicate with colleagues and clients. The best working conditions for him are privacy and silence. That is, the situation is as close as possible to home. The best option for an introvert is to work remotely. If this is not possible to organize, you need to take care of certain working conditions.

Introverts work thoughtfully, meticulously, and leisurely. Therefore, with the execution of the case on time, they may have problems. Rush interferes with their productive work. To increase the productivity of introverts, you need to carefully plan their work. Make to-do lists, choose the best time of the day for a particular job, be sure to have a spare time. Emergency work is not their forte. They need to ensure maximum silence, minimum communication with colleagues.

Introverts do not like to take the initiative, but in reality they have more knowledge than it might seem from the outside. They prefer to work on complex tasks that require a lot of time and attention to detail. Reluctant to delegate work to others. They do not like control over themselves from the outside, believing (and not without reason) that their self-control will be quite enough.

If you are an introvert

Personal life

Introverts do not like to take the initiative when looking for a life partner. In fact, they are a little afraid of family life itself. They often find their love with the help of friends, colleagues or relatives.

If you are having difficulty communicating with the opposite sex, tell your friends that you intend to arrange a family life. Describe how you would like to see your future life partner. His appearance, age, character, habits. And do not think that this request will burden a friend. Most likely, she will even be pleasant to him.

If you are looking for a life partner yourself, then it is better to do it through interest clubs. Or in those places where people come for a specific purpose, for example, in a park where animals are walking.

It is better to make the first date short, tell about yourself exactly as much as your new acquaintance tells. You need to behave naturally, not try to use the tricks of extrovert friends who told you about their fantastic success with the opposite sex. You need to listen to your feelings and sensations. The conversation should be enjoyable, not seem like hard work.

Public life

Mass events are not for introverts. The very need to go somewhere, to talk to someone seems burdensome to them. Social activity involves noisy gatherings, a new stop, a bright light. All this does not affect the introvert in the best way. Therefore, before you allow yourself to be drawn into some kind of public event, think carefully about whether you need it. Find out whether you will have to make a speech, how many people will be at the event, and whether your acquaintances will be among them.

But one should not completely abandon public affairs. Complete isolation of oneself negatively affects one's career. From time to time you need to attend those events and corporate parties that are important for life and work. If they seem too painful, after all, you can leave them early.

Before going out, it is advisable to relax well. If this does not work out on its own, you can meditate or do something that has a calming effect on you. Listen to some soothing music along the way. And don't plan a lot of work for the next day. Most likely, in the morning you will need a little rest.

If no one you know is at the event, the following tips may be helpful. Don't try to be as active as others. Find a comfortable place, sit comfortably on it and calmly contemplate what is happening before your eyes. Sooner or later, someone will come up to you and start a conversation.

Although, to test your form and communication skills, you can try to behave like a confident person accustomed to such situations. Approach a group of people, listen to what they are talking about, strike up a conversation with someone. Communication training can be helpful. In this case, to draw attention to yourself, it will be useful to have some unusual accessory. It will attract attention and give rise to conversation.

It is desirable to participate in a conversation not only verbally (verbally), but also with the help of facial expressions, gestures, smiles.

A little theory about communication. All words that are pronounced during it can be divided into opening, supporting, transitional and closing. Opening phrases start the conversation. Neutral words or self-introductions work well here. “Hello, I am Andrey…”, “Nice music…” and so on. Keeping up the conversation, you can ask the opinion of the interlocutor on a particular issue. Ask him if he watched any movie where he went on vacation. You can prepare the end of the conversation with transitional phrases, asking, for example, “By the way, how old are your children ...?”. You should not end the conversation abruptly, without final words. You can end it by asking, “Where is the bathroom here?”, or “Excuse me, I need to move…”.

If you feel tired and empty, take a break from communication, drink water or step aside and just contemplate the situation. You can go out to the balcony to breathe fresh air, wash yourself with cold water.

If any awkwardness occurred during communication, try to quickly forget about it. Calm yourself with the thought that nothing terrible has happened, most likely, you attach too much importance to what the majority did not even notice.

If there are extroverts among your subordinates

You should know the business and human qualities of people of this type: Extroverts are sociable, easy to get along with people. They talk a lot, actively ask questions. They love being the center of attention. They are pleased when they are addressed, appealed. Cannot tolerate slow or repetitive work. They prefer to act rather than think, quickly respond to requests and instructions, work well in a team. Think and speak at the same time. Ideas are generated during discussions. At the same time, they do not get too hung up on the manner of communication. They can interrupt the interlocutor, if they interrupt them, they do not harbor resentment. They love business trips. You won't find better people than extroverts for the tasks that involve moving and meeting new people.

Why Introverts Don't Like to Pursue Their Careers

Like all people who value little what they have, introverts consider their great knowledge to be commonplace. Sometimes they simply do not realize the scope and depth of their knowledge. And, in general, they believe that management should itself, without reminder, notice the contribution to the work of each employee. Of course, here they are not quite right. Anyone who wants to make a career must make certain efforts to be noticed.

Introverts don't like to beg people. The upcoming conversation with the boss makes them afraid that they might forget to say something or misstate their point of view.

To be more prepared for the conversation and less worried, make a plan for the upcoming conversation. Write down his main theses, think about what the boss might object to, prepare counterarguments. If the conversation is very important, you can even rehearse it.

Do not be upset if after the conversation it turns out that you did not have time to say everything, or did not say what you wanted. All this can be corrected in the following case.

Relationships with superiors and colleagues

You can't be too passive, even if it's the most comfortable behavior for you. You need to be aware of your contribution to the common cause and, if possible, remind the boss about it. Express your opinion to the management on which area of ​​work you could bring the greatest benefit to the company. Among the leaders there are not so many telepaths who can read your thoughts without words.

Try to communicate more with colleagues, even though it is burdensome for you. This will allow you to establish a friendly relationship with them.

Do not completely ignore corporate parties, visit at least some of them. Joint parties and picnics unite the team. Although the other extreme (too frequent meetings and drinking bouts) can harm the work.

Public performance

Each of us at least once in our lives, but we have to "keep" the speech. Whether it's a family celebration, conference or corporate event. If you have never had to speak in public before, do not try to do it impromptu, otherwise you risk getting into an unpleasant situation.

The attention of several tens or even hundreds of pairs of eyes can plunge an unaccustomed person into a stupor. Therefore, thoroughly prepare for the upcoming performance. This does not mean preparing to read, without stopping, the entire speech from a piece of paper. But it is necessary to write the main theses, read them several times, think over the sequence of the speech.

Before speaking, try to relax, drink water so that your throat does not dry out, breathe calmly and deeply. It is good at the very beginning of the performance to find friendly, friendly faces in the hall and look at them during the performance. And don't try to be too serious. If the performance, in your opinion, was not very successful, do not worry too much about it. You will still have an opportunity to correct your oratorical shortcomings.

Discussions

In disputes, extroverts behave assertively, sometimes even aggressively. Always aimed at an unconditional victory in the discussion. Introverts are more loyal to the interlocutor, they consider a compromise, a golden mean, to be the best way out. Allow the interlocutor to speak, try to understand his point of view, avoid harsh criticism.

Any communication, and even more so conflict, takes a lot of energy from introverts. To keep the discussion calm, they need to try to control it.

• - Listen carefully to the interlocutor.
• - Do not be nervous.
• - Prepare in advance the arguments for the alleged objections.
• - Try to conduct a conversation in a friendly manner, not to provoke the interlocutor into a conflicting tone. Accept his objections if they deserve it. Promise to take into account useful comments.
• - With all of the above, you need to defend your point of view, if it seems right to you.

The pace of life and priorities

Determine the optimal pace of life for yourself. Try to do the main, most important work in that segment of the day when you are most energetic. Set achievable goals for yourself. Divide large projects into stages, and complete them sequentially, one after the other, as separate goals.

Decide on your priorities. Think about what you would like to realize yourself. Make a list of what is most important to you. Write down everything that you would like to achieve, despite the strangeness of some desires. After all, they may be your true aspirations.

• - For ease of planning and implementation, divide your goals into categories, for example, such as health, work, hobbies, personal life, friends.
• - Select the most important ones.
• Write down how you think this can be achieved.
• - Highlight several stages that can be completed in the near future.
• Consider whether there are any obstacles to their implementation.
• - And get down to business, not forgetting to reward yourself for achievements with some gifts.

Take occasional forays into the world of extroverts

If you are an introvert, then your comfort zone is solitude, a small social circle, peace and quiet. This fact must be recognized, and come to terms with your nature. But that doesn't mean you have to stay in your comfort zone all the time. Sometimes it is necessary and helpful to act like an extrovert.

This means that you need to increase activity, get out of your comfort zone, expand your social circle, get carried away with new ideas and try to implement them. In a word, to accept the challenges that the modern world is filled with. With a successful outcome, this will help to gain self-confidence.

Some believe that gaining confidence requires obvious material accomplishments—buying a car or a house, getting promoted, and the like. However, experts say that satisfaction with external achievements lasts no more than six months. Then the feeling of satisfaction decreases sharply, and the person again becomes missing something. Mental changes bring more lasting and solid confidence - an increase in knowledge, kindness and tolerance towards others, the consciousness of one's own rightness. Feeling confident that you can do what you love, even if it means stepping out of your comfort zone.

What do you need to do to act like an extrovert?

Say impromptu everything that comes to mind. Talk to strangers on the street. About anything - about the environment, the weather, the performance of the football team. Do not be upset if a random interlocutor turns out to be not in the mood for contact. Try talking to others.

As you venture into the world of extroverts, take care of your physical comfort. If this is an outing, wear comfortable shoes and clothing. Bring the things you may need - water, a player with your favorite tunes, an umbrella in case of rain, sunglasses, some treats.

Practice taming inner excitement. If a stressful situation arises, breathe deeply without holding your breath. Keep your body relaxed, maintain proper posture, keep a calm expression on your face. And keep a close eye on what's going on.

Don't "twist" yourself

Introverts continue the conversation even when it is over. In my own imagination, endlessly scrolling in my mind what has already ended. This is a burdensome and completely useless exercise that only leads to wasted time and unnecessary worries.

Try to expel your inner critic as soon as possible. Do not analyze endlessly what has been done and said. Just tell yourself that everything was fine, and shift your attention to the current affairs.

Don't Forget Your Sense of Humor

One of the problems of introverts is a too serious attitude to life, the fear of looking stupid from the outside. Try to look at unpleasant situations from a humorous point of view. Nothing disposes the surrounding people to a person like his wit. One good joke gets more fans than an hour's speech.

Get rid of fears

Try to get rid of anxiety and phobias. This can be helped by an analysis of the nature of a particular phobia - where did it come from, what are the real, real, and not imaginary consequences of situations that cause fear. We need to realize that most fears are actually exaggerated by our own imagination.

To overcome fears, it is useful to visit some club of interest (dance, book, sports). Make new friends. But not to the detriment of the old ones. Relationships with time-tested friends need to be cherished.

Read the full book by Marty Laney, The Introvert Advantage:

Published with the permission of Workman Publishing and Alexander Korzhenevsky's agency

Copyright © 2002 Marti Olsen Laney

© Translation into Russian, edition in Russian, design. LLC "Mann, Ivanov and Ferber", 2013

All rights reserved. No part of the electronic version of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any means, including posting on the Internet and corporate networks, for private and public use, without the written permission of the copyright owner.

© Electronic version of the book prepared by Litres (www.litres.ru)

This book is well complemented by:

introverts

Susan Kane

Irina Kuznetsova

Management for those who do not like to manage

Devora Zach

Vocation

Ken Robinson

Muse, where are your wings?

Yana Frank

dedication

Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a gift in paper and not giving it.

William Ward

Michael, my husband, with whom we have been together for thirty-eight years. It was you who drew me into the extroverted world and expanded the boundaries of my universe. I dedicate this book to you - you taught me not to detain breathing during the long and difficult process of her birth. I present you with the highest award, the Marital Valor Medal, for your patience: you have listened to page after page about introverts for many hours (longer than any extrovert is capable of listening). And last but not least, thank you for cooking my food when I spent days and nights sitting in front of the computer and banging on the keys.

To my daughters and their families. I love you very much, you have enriched my life in all its manifestations: Tinna, Brian, Alicia and Christopher De Mellier, Kristen, Gary, Caitlin and Emily Parks.

I also dedicate this book to all my clients who have had the courage to let me into their lives.

Foreword

As a child, I often confused myself. I had a lot of contradictions. Such a strange, incomprehensible creature! I studied so badly in the first and second grade that the teachers wanted to keep me in the second year, and in the third I suddenly became a diligent student. At times I could talk animatedly incessantly, making witty, pertinent remarks, and if I knew the subject well, I could talk the interlocutor to death. And sometimes I intended to say something, but my head was empty. Sometimes in class I tried to raise my hand to answer - in this way I could improve my grades by 25 percent - but when they called me, all thoughts instantly disappeared, the internal screen went out, there was a desire to hide under the desk. There were also cases when my answers were dressed in some kind of vague form, I stammered, and the teachers thought that I knew less than I really knew. I came up with all sorts of different ways to avoid the teacher's gaze as she scanned the classroom for someone to ask. I couldn't rely on myself because I never knew how I would respond to a question.

I was even more embarrassed that when I did speak out, those around me claimed that I answered well and clearly. And sometimes my classmates treated me like I was mentally handicapped. I myself did not consider myself stupid, but I did not consider myself a model of wit.

The peculiarities of my thinking confused me. It was not clear why I am so often strong in hindsight. When I shared my opinion about what happened some time after the event, teachers and friends asked rather annoyedly why I was silent before. They must have thought that I was deliberately hiding my thoughts and feelings. I compared the formation of thoughts in my head with the luggage not delivered to the destination, which catches up with you later.

Time passed, and I began to consider myself quiet: silent and doing everything furtively. I noticed more than once that no one reacted to my words. And then, if someone said the same thing, they listened to his words. It began to seem to me that the reason was in my manner of speaking. But sometimes, when they heard me say or read what I wrote, people looked at me with genuine surprise. This happened so often that I recognized this look immediately. They seemed to want to ask: “Did you really write this?” I perceived their reaction with mixed feelings: on the one hand, I liked the recognition, on the other, I was burdened by an excess of attention.

Communication with people also brought confusion. I was pleased to be among them, and they seemed to like me, but the very thought of having to leave the house horrified me. I paced back and forth, contemplating whether to go to a reception or a party or not. And finally, I came to the conclusion that I am a social coward. Sometimes I felt awkward, embarrassed, and sometimes everything was in order. And even while having a great time in society, I looked at the door and dreamed about when I could finally put on my pajamas, climb into bed and relax with a book.

Another source of suffering and frustration was lack of energy. I got tired quickly. It seemed to me that I was not as hardy as all my friends and family members. Tired, I walked slowly, ate slowly, spoke slowly, making painful pauses. At the same time, having rested, she could jump from one thought to another with such speed that the interlocutors could not withstand the onslaught and were looking for an opportunity to retreat. Indeed, some people considered me exceptionally energetic. Believe me, it was completely wrong (and still is).

But even with my slow pace, I plodded on and plodded on until in the end, in most cases, I got what I wanted in life. Years passed before I realized that all these contradictions in me are actually easy to explain. I'm just a normal introvert. This discovery brought me great relief!

Introduction

Democracy cannot survive unless it is led by a creative minority.

Harlan Stone

Remember when we used to compare belly buttons in early childhood? Then it was believed that it is better to be "inside" than "outside". No one wanted to have a protruding navel, and I was glad that mine was sitting inside my stomach.

Later, when the word "inner" in my head was replaced by the word "introvert", and "outside" was transformed into an extrovert, the situation was reversed. The extrovert was now considered good, the introvert bad. And no matter how hard I tried, I could not acquire the qualities of an extrovert, so I began to think that something was wrong with me. There was a lot I didn't understand about myself. Why did I feel depressed in an environment that delighted others? Why, when doing something outside the house, did I feel like I was out of breath? Why did you feel like a fish pulled out of the water?

Our culture honors and rewards extrovert qualities. American culture is rooted in strong individualism and the importance of citizens having their say. We value action, speed, competition and energy.

It is not surprising that people try to avoid manifestations of introversion. We live in a culture that has a negative attitude towards reflection and loneliness. “Going out” and “just doing” are her ideals. Social psychologist Dr. David Myers, in his book The Pursuit of Happiness, argues that happiness is a matter of having three qualities: high self-esteem, optimism, and extraversion. He based his findings on experiments that "proved" that extroverts were "happier". The research was based on the fact that participants must agree or disagree with the following statements: "I like to communicate with other people" and "Others are interested in me." Introverts have a different idea of ​​happiness than extroverts, so it has been suggested that they are unhappy. For them, statements like “I know myself,” or “I feel good the way I am,” or “I am free to go my own way” are considered signs of contentment. But no one tried to find out their reaction to such statements. The research questions must have been designed by an extrovert.

Introverts are better at listening, focusing,
they have ways to inspire love for themselves.
James Altucher, investor, writer

Imagine a person who knows what he really wants, needs spiritual growth and understands where to direct his energy. Lucky, right? A fate-kissed hero from fictional stories? No. He is an introvert. The conclusion of the author of the book "Introvert Advantages" Marty Laney is a real revelation for those who are accustomed to looking at the world exclusively through extrovert glasses. Is it (the advantages of introverts) one person's grin, or do we really know little about introversion? Let's try to figure it out. Systematically and not without the help of Marty Laney herself.

Introversion and extraversion - destroying illusions about yourself and the world

What do we know about introverts? For some reason, it is generally accepted that if a person is an introvert, then he is necessarily shy, withdrawn, prone to introspection. He is called an egoist, a loner, an individualist, sometimes an asocial type and, most likely, doomed to failure. What do the doctors say? Some therapists (themselves extroverts, according to Marty Laney) seriously consider introversion a pathology. And no wonder: modern realities require maximum extroversion from everyone - in order to fight for a place in the sun, for material wealth.

The main illusion that Marty Laney destroys in his book is that being an extrovert and being an extrovert are two different things. And that the introvert is not a diagnosis of failure, meaning that the introvert must die out as a weak link: “Nature did not give our Universe such a setting, otherwise most of us would have been discounted in the course of evolution long ago,” writes Marty Laney. Introversion is not a disease, but a way of looking at life that has its benefits.

Getting to know yourself is a small reason for a big holiday

Marty Laney is not a system writer. But she also lacked those bits of knowledge about introverts that are given by scientific sources, encyclopedias. So she had to come to her own conclusions about introversion by observing herself and other "insiders" (as she calls introverts) in particular. She did not pursue commercial goals. On the contrary, initially she made these observations solely from personal motives - in order to finally find a common language with her extroverted husband and save the marriage.

The first thing she did was to collect facts that showed how introverts differ from extroverts. For example, she learned that the normal temperature of an introvert is below the average of 36.6 degrees. Or that the brain of an introvert receives more blood than the brain of an extrovert (studies by Debra Johnson). In general, the route of blood through the body of an introvert is more complex than that of an extrovert, and is directed to the inner parts of the brain that are involved in processes such as memory, problem solving, and planning. But the hands and feet of introverts are supplied with blood worse.

Concentration, creativity and other benefits of being an introvert

Physiological features give introverts one main advantage - an incredible ability to concentrate. They are able to renounce the vain world and concentrate on inner sensations, thoughts and feelings. More concentration - more chances to reveal your talent. Marty Laney emphasizes that there is a relationship between introversion and intellectual ability. And here she is not alone in her guesses (but more on that below).

True, the medal has another side. Due to their innate characteristics, most introverts perceive the world around them very sharply. Therefore, they automatically focus on only a few specific things that help them de-energize (which many extroverts classify as an inability to perceive the world around them).

In other words, an introvert is a person endowed with a high degree of internal activity. Those who can balance their energy needs are resilient and tenacious, look at things independently, focus deeply, work creatively, see perspective, think strategically, and have the courage to voice unpopular opinions. The activities of such a person often affect the fate of others. Therefore, the only task that the "inner" (in the words of Marty Laney) must solve for himself is to learn how to restore internal energy.

And her, internal energy, takes much more than it might seem, since the lion's share of this energy of the "inner" or, if we call it systematically, the sound engineer goes to distillation of impressions, in the process of which the introvert is constantly. Inners/sound players need to properly charge their batteries to avoid feeling drained and overexcited. If he does not do this on time, then he loses the idea of ​​\u200b\u200bhis special nature and forgets to take care of himself.

In general, Marty Laney, author of the book Introvert Advantages, emphasizes that feeling overwhelmed is part of the nature of an introvert and one of the invaluable qualities that signals that he has taken in too much information, and the brain is actively processing it.

So, here it is, the main difference between an introvert and an extrovert, according to non-systemic author Marty Laney. It is not in closeness, but in how a person recovers, where he draws energy from. And to be more precise, the source of energy of the “inners” / sound people is not in the outside world, as in extroverts, but in the inner world of ideas, emotions and impressions. Marty Laney clarifies that the insider/soundman has a need for spiritual growth, he seeks to comprehend the meaning of life, and sometimes it is spiritual beliefs that give the insiders/soundmen additional opportunities to enjoy being in society. True, this is only possible if the sound engineer has found a way to restore and an environment for this in time.

Unfortunately, most "inners"/sound people ignore the information that is obvious to them and try to "correct" in the ways of extroverts. This way is wrong, says Marty Laney.

Level the playing field of life

An introvert should not become an extrovert by pretending to be someone they are not. He must skillfully extrovert - in other words, understand and appreciate the benefits of introversion and engage in self-education in order to accustom himself to go beyond his shell. You need to learn how to act like extroverts: radiate light into this world, and not squeeze extroversion out of yourself. “I would never have written or published this book if I hadn’t been ready to crawl out of the hole and grit my teeth and make phone calls, arrange interviews and talk to people,” says Marty Laney.

It took Marty Laney more than one year to understand himself and make his marriage to his extroverted husband successful. System-vector psychology offers a shorter way. But for this you will have to learn to look at the world in volume, through the prism of an 8-vector matrix.

Types of introverts, or what Marty Laney doesn't know

For an insider unfamiliar with systems thinking, Marty Laney's Introvert Advantage is a real find. The book contains the author's recommendations on how to educate yourself as an "inner man" without breaking or remaking. They are based on awareness. Without it, the author believes, the introvert is “doomed to repeat the same patterns of behavior over and over again.”

However, there is something that Marty Laney does not know, although thanks to his powers of observation he guesses. For example, about the fact that the "insiders" are not so homogeneous in nature. Some are more dynamic, others are often too slow. Still others - and do not seem to be introverts at all - behave too openly, directly and extrovertedly.

In the system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan, these gaps are filled. Systems thinking helps to understand the volumetric mechanism of the actions of people, both introverts and extroverts. Distinguish people who are slow by nature from those who only look like such because of inner concentration. The mosaic of introversion consists of a combination of one of the lower vectors - anality, skin, urethrality and muscularity - with the upper sound vector. In each of the cases, the "inner" / sound will be different. Here are the portraits in a nutshell. With anality, the inner has the ability to focus twice on internal thoughts and on external details. He is slower, more attentive, with a very good memory and with a desire to get justice from the world (of course, to the extent of his understanding of this). An “inner”/sound player with a skin vector is more dynamic, and at a certain level of organization, one cannot call him an egoist, an individualist, or a closed person. Rather, on the contrary. Like Steve Jobs, he is able to lead a group of people, sometimes very numerous, behind him (more precisely, behind the idea that he professes). True, in some cases it can be fanatical. The “inner”/sound guy with muscularity is an individualist for whom the category “I” is unconsciously associated with “We”. And with the “inside” / sound urethrality, it seems, to put it mildly, strange at all - either he is an idle reveler, a person who passionately loves life in all its manifestations, or a hermit philosopher hiding in his parallel reality. Like this? As, for example, Vysotsky, Tsoi lived, Zemfira lives.

But that is not all. An "introverted" sounder can be confused with a melancholic (and also introverted) olfactory. The olfactory vector, it should be noted, is quite rare in humans. In Marty Laney's book on introverted sound people, there are no recommendations that would help such a person extrovert. The olfactory person has a non-verbal type of thinking and in the literal sense of the word "feels" a person, his thoughts, emotions. The olfactory, as well as the sound vector, is upper. In combination with each of the four lower vectors, the portrait of the olfactory person is modified, supplemented with new strokes. And it happens that a person can have not only one (sound or olfactory) vector, but their combination or combination with other upper vectors, visual and oral - the picture is much richer and more complex.

Instead of a resume

Every day we face our illusions about life. We wake up, look at ourselves in the mirror, scan the external surroundings and, after a cursory assessment of it, go out into the street with the illusions we have about ourselves. If our illusions more or less fit into today's rich, dense information field of reality, then a few seconds in front of the mirror is enough to live the day as it will be.

But if our illusions are dissonant with the world, and the world itself seems suspiciously extroverted to us, we are forced at least occasionally to think about why we cannot get involved in it as easily as neighbors, friends, relatives, colleagues do. In response to their broadcast "Oh, the world is an exciting place!", we have a strange question to ourselves: "Well, why can't you just live?" We shrug our shoulders and drown this question in the whirlpool of everyday life, until everyday life itself turns into a narrow plasticine frame for us. We are constrained, defeated, and we understand that our own illusions are no longer our size. But a paradoxical world awaits introverts. More precisely, in order for them to show their advantages. Because only thanks to this they can, like Baron Munchausen, pull out of the swamp by the pigtail not only themselves, but also extroverts. The paradox of modern life is that, despite the general collective extroversion and running in circles, the world really needs to stop and, in an introverted, sonic way, figure out where it is rushing at full speed. Where and why.

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Marty Laney - Benefits of Introverts
(summary)

Sometimes one gets the feeling that in the modern world only extraverted qualities are valued: energy, the ability to act quickly, sociability, and others.

The first associations that arise with the word "introvert" are quiet, withdrawn, unsociable (which is actually not 100% true). It is only natural that introverts are shy about their nature, try to become like extroverts and suffer from this.

Finally, it's time to stop underestimating yourself. Take note of the following facts:

- according to research by scientists, only 25% of introverts;

- introversion affects all areas of life;

– introverts are absolutely normal people;

There are advantages to being introverted.

According to the founder of analytical psychology, Carl Gustav Jung, the goal of a well-lived life is a commitment to wholeness. Integrity does not mean the possession of all the necessary parts of the whole, but the achievement of harmony through the knowledge and appreciation of personal strengths and weaknesses. Jung considered all positions on the introverted-extroverted continuum to be healthy and necessary.

Chapter 1. Extrovert or Introvert?

In fact, introversion (as well as extroversion) is a type of temperament, that is, an innate quality.

There are 3 signs that distinguish an introvert from an extrovert: the source of energy, the reaction to excitement, the perception of breadth and depth. Let's consider them in more detail.

The first difference is the source of energy. For introverts, energy is concentrated inside: in their impressions, experiences, emotions. The outside world affects them too much and devastates them, causing nervousness or, conversely, apathy. But their positive qualities include: the ability to focus on the main thing, thoroughness, patience.

Extroverts, on the other hand, receive energy from the outside world: from actions, things, other people. Prolonged inactivity, loneliness or communication with only a small number of people lead them to despair. They love communication, active actions, focused on results.

The second difference is the response to arousal. For an extrovert, a large number of sources of excitement is a joy, they love to experience emotions, they like to act, they are energized around people. Introverts find it too exciting. Too many activities or projects overwhelm them, and it's ideal for them to only work on one or two tasks. They lose a lot of energy being in a crowd.

The third difference is the perception of breadth and depth. Extroverts need everything at once: a lot of friends, a lot of different experiences, they want to understand everything. At the same time, their knowledge often lacks depth, they are limited to superficial knowledge. For them, life is a kind of collecting impressions. Introverts do not need so many impressions, but in each they reach the very essence. They like to explore the subject in depth. Usually their friends can be counted on the fingers of one hand, but they are the closest.

Chapter 2

Often, the words “shy”, “schizoid” and “hypersensitive” are used as synonyms for the concept of “introvert”, which is actually not true.

Shyness is a person's tendency to feel awkward and constrained, fearful and indecisive in the presence of other people. A shy person is not disposed to socialize and meet other people, and due to self-doubt, is secretive and prone to solitude. Shyness is correctable.

Schizoid personalities are afraid to delve into relationships with people in order to avoid the pain of contact with others. This is a mental disorder.

With hypersensitivity, people are extremely receptive, observant, and have developed intuition. They often avoid various activities, as they are afraid of being overwhelmed by the power of their emotions.

Introverts are good with people, have social skills. Another thing is that not all social interaction brings them pleasure: for example, secular receptions and noisy gatherings tire them, but leisurely conversations face to face bring a lot of positive impressions.

Thus, introversion is a healthy ability of a person to tune in to the perception of the inner world.

Introverts are often accused of being selfish. But introverts are not egocentric, on the contrary, thanks to the ability to focus on their inner world and analyze their feelings, they know how to put themselves in the place of others in order to better understand them. Extroverts, on the other hand, constantly need company, but their main motive is to get new experiences. They like to be noticed, entertained, stimulated to do something. They need an outside stimulus because they have less internal stimulus.

Why do misunderstandings arise between extroverts and introverts? There are several reasons:

1. Extroverts think and talk at the same time, often without preparation. This way they understand the situation better. Introverts, on the other hand, first think about the situation and speak to the point when the subject of the conversation is familiar to them.

2. Extroverts often do not notice introverts, because during a conversation they rarely speak and quietly, prefer not to interrupt the interlocutor. Extroverts think they have nothing more to say and lose interest in them.

3. Extroverts don't understand introverts' suggestion not to fuss and think things through: slow down, make a plan, focus on one task. Extroverts already imagine the project completed - for example, they mentally see the picture painted and rush to the store for paints, brushes and canvas.

Chapter 3 Relationships

Many introverts are intimidated by the need to contact people a lot in search of a life partner. Often they find their love through friends, relatives or colleagues who help them get to know each other. In matters of dating and relationships, the following tips will be useful to an introvert:

1. Tell your environment that you want to meet a person for a relationship. Describe to them exactly who you are looking for (approximate age, appearance, personality type and qualities).

2. Think for yourself about possible places to meet: an interest club, a dog park, etc.

3. Keep the first date short. Tell about yourself about as much as your new acquaintance. Be natural, don't try to be an extrovert. Don't drink alcohol. Listen to your feelings. Try to have fun: this is not an interview, but entertainment!

Chapter 4

Social events make introverts feel "out of place": firstly, the very need to go somewhere or go takes their energy, and secondly, introverts need more time to "acclimatize" in a new environment (noise, bright light , many people, new food).

Before deciding whether to go to a certain activity or not, an introvert must determine for himself: How useful is this activity? How important is this approach? Will there be a need to perform on stage? How many people will be there? Which one do I know? Will I offend anyone by refusing to come? How many social events have I attended lately?

Don't avoid social events altogether, visit the most important ones for you or for your life partner from time to time. In any case, you can always leave early.

If the event is still unavoidable, use the following tips:

1. Relax before going out, do something calming.

2. Eat protein foods to boost your energy levels. Drink plenty of water.

3. Listen to soothing music along the way.

4. Set aside time for energy recovery the next day.

It happens that for some reason an introvert needs to attend an event where he does not know anyone. In this case, the following seven techniques will come in handy:

1. Find a comfortable place, settle down there, sooner or later someone will come up, and you can start a conversation.

2. Act “as if”: pretend you know exactly what to do in a given situation. Act like you are a confident person. Show interest in people. Start a conversation with someone or just join a group of people and listen to what they are talking about. Train more often to actually become more confident.

3. It is useful to wear some interesting accessory that attracts attention. Then people will start coming up to you and start a conversation.

4. The non-verbal component of communication is very important. Keep eye contact with the interlocutor, use facial expressions, nod, smile.

5. Each small talk consists of 4 phrases: opening, supporting, transitional and closing. Neutral phrases are used as opening phrases (for example, “Hello, my name is Maxim. Have you known the owner of the house for a long time?” or “Hello, what a beautiful song is playing now. Do you know who is singing?”). To maintain a conversation, they usually ask a person’s opinion about something (“How do you like the film?”, “What exactly attracted you to it?”). The following are used as transitional phrases, for example: “You said that you were on vacation in Turkey. In which region? or “You said you have a daughter. How old is she?". When you want to end a conversation, don't disappear silently, use closing phrases such as "Is the bathroom on that side? Thank you!”, “Sorry, I need to go get a glass of water”, “It was a pleasure to talk”, “Have a nice evening”.

6. If you have tried different tactics, but you feel terribly exhausted, take a deep breath, drink some water, step aside and look around, you can go to the bathroom and wash yourself with cool water, go out into the fresh air.

7. If there was some kind of embarrassment at the event, do not scroll endlessly this situation in your head. Calm down, switch your thoughts to something else.

Chapter 5

While extroverts like to be around people, be active, communicate with clients and other employees, introverts are more comfortable working at home or at least on their own, but this is not always possible. You have to adapt to the situation.

What extrovert workers should know about introverts:

- they need silence to concentrate, they do not like being distracted;

- experiencing some communication difficulties;

- they know more than they show;

- Rarely take initiative

– like to work on long-term, complex tasks, attentive to details;

- work better alone

- may be reluctant to delegate work to others;

– work well when they are not supervised;

Sometimes they don't remember names and faces.

What Introvert Workers Should Know About Extroverts:

- able to work in a team, sociable;

- quickly respond to requests and prefer to act without thinking too much;

- do not take offense when they are interrupted;

– they are annoyed when work is slow or repetitive;

– generate ideas during discussions with other people;

– active, like business trips;

– speak and think at the same time;

– have excellent verbal abilities, ask a lot of questions;

- Appreciate and love attention.

Why don't introverts, with all their depth of knowledge, promote themselves?

Firstly, because they protect their territory, restrict access to information from the outside.

Secondly, often they are not even aware of the full depth of their knowledge, for them such a state is natural.

Thirdly, they believe that the boss himself should notice their efforts. But in fact, you need to make efforts to achieve success in your career.

The following tips will come in handy here:

1. Do not forget about your contribution to the common cause, remind yourself how important you are to the company.

2. Tell your supervisor what kind of work you are most interested in (he himself is unlikely to be able to read minds).

3. Gradually learn how to communicate with colleagues at ease, tell something about yourself, support a general conversation, for example, while printing a report.

4. Compliment colleagues and accept their compliments yourself.

5. Participate in the preparation of any corporate event, show that the company and colleagues are not indifferent to you.

Public performance

Sooner or later, any introvert has to speak in public, whether it is a report to colleagues, a conference or a corporate party. Don't try to improvise, don't take risks.

1. Prepare your presentation well. But this does not mean that you should read everything from a piece of paper, on the contrary.

2. Start exercising at home, speak your speech. Imagine that you are in public.

3. Try to relax before the performance: breathe deeply, drink some water and use other methods that are right for you.

4. At the beginning of the speech, find several friendly faces in the hall, look at them during your speech.

5. Don't be deadly serious.

6. It's okay if the performance was not perfect. Anyway, in the end, mentally congratulate yourself.

Verbal fights

In disputes, extroverts have a rather aggressive type of behavior, for them a dispute is “all or nothing”, while introverts always try to come to a compromise, to reach the “golden mean”. They tend to listen more, think about someone else's point of view, criticize less.

In order not to lose a lot of energy in a dispute, pay attention to the following tips:

1. Don't be nervous.

2. Prepare in advance the arguments for possible objections.

3. Listen carefully to your interlocutors.

4. If the opponent's arguments seem quite appropriate to you, thank him, say that

consider his point of view when finalizing the question or problem.

5. Still, remember that you don't have to agree with everything. You have your own point of view.

A common problem for introverts is the need to ask their boss for help. Many are afraid of the very prospect of discussing something with the boss. They are afraid to forget about something at the most crucial moment or to say something wrong.

Here are a few tips to help:

1. Write down your request on paper.

2. Think about what the boss might object to. Make up counterarguments.

3. Rehearse at home or with friends.

4. Praise yourself for taking this step, no matter how your attempt ends.

You can always approach the boss another time or reformulate your request.

As you know, introverts need a lot of time to deeply explore any subject or do a job very well. They are used to doing everything carefully and thoughtfully, but the authorities do not always make concessions in terms of project deadlines.

To increase your productivity, write to-do lists in your diary every day. Find your productive time, work intensively during these hours. Nevertheless, it is necessary to provide for unforeseen situations that may occur during the working day.

Do everything possible so that they do not affect your productivity.

Don't be too hard on yourself if you didn't manage to complete everything planned for the day.

Next time, pay more attention to the tasks and methods of their implementation. Praise yourself for the work done, reward.

So, introverts need to remember: in order to achieve recognition at work, you need to make some efforts: little by little every day to promote yourself, become more confident, learn to calm down in difficult moments.

Chapter 6. Personal pace and personal priorities

To calculate your personal pace of life: First, observe when you are most energetic and when you are the opposite. Do your most important work at your peak. Second, set achievable goals. Third, divide large projects into small tasks.

Love yourself the way you are. Yes, you do work more slowly, you have fewer friends than extroverts, but this is not a reason to become discouraged. But you do the work more carefully, and with your friends you have a deeper connection. Do not criticize yourself with or without.

Accept yourself.

Start with prioritization. Think about what matters most to you. One of the rather harsh, but very effective ways are thoughts about death.

What will be written in your obituary? What achievements will you be talking about? What moments of your life were the most valuable and significant? Now make a list of the things you wanted to do, but something kept stopping you. Write whatever comes to mind, don't limit yourself. That is what your true desires are.

Some tips to improve your life:

1. Make lists of goals for the following parameters: health, personal life, self-development, work, friends, creativity, hobbies, entertainment.

2. Focus on the most important goals.

3. Write down how you can implement them.

4. Then list 4 small steps each that can help you achieve something already this week.

5. Think about what is preventing you from achieving your goals and how to eliminate it.

7. Praise and reward yourself for every (even the smallest) victory.

Chapter 7

Although you now acknowledge your nature as an introvert and love yourself for who you are, this is not a reason to constantly stay in your comfort zone. In life, there are situations when you need the ability to behave like an extrovert.

Introverts often think that the main thing for their peace of mind is to be in a comfort zone, but in this case they deprive themselves of the opportunity to learn new ideas, gain experience, and start relationships. But there are so many interesting things in the world!

To gain self-confidence, you need to accept the challenges that this world throws.

Many mistakenly believe that some tangible achievement, such as buying a property or car, graduating from college, or getting a promotion at work, helps to increase confidence. However, it has been proven that the pleasure of promotion lasts no more than six months. Thus, one must understand that confidence must come from within. To do this, you need to be decisive, inquisitive, tolerant of your mistakes and kind to yourself. There is a way to increase confidence, which is as follows. Imagine that you have a “confidence account” (similar to a bank account).

Every time you do something atypical for you (for example, a difficult phone call), put in a deposit account. You will feel more confident and confident as you accumulate funds in your account.

To achieve further success, strategies of extraverted behavior will help.

Strategy 1. Say the first thing that comes to mind

Talk to a friendly-looking stranger on the street. You can say something about the weather or the environment. If he is not configured to contact you, it's okay, do not take it personally. Try talking to other people.

Strategy 2: Calm Your Inner Arousal

In a stressful situation, do not hold your breath. Breathe deeply and relaxed. Be calm, but let your eyes be attentive to assess what is happening. Do not create clamps in the body. Straighten up, straighten your shoulders. Pay attention to the little things, find each situation special so you can react accordingly.

Turn to your experience, inner wisdom and remember that you have dealt with similar problems before.

Strategy 3. Don't cheat

What distinguishes introverts from extroverts is that in their thoughts they constantly return to what was said. Often, after some incident, it is the inner voice of the introvert that becomes the source of all his problems. The next time you feel like something has gone wrong, don't listen to your "inner critic" and don't analyze what has been said. Reassure yourself that everything is fine.

Strategy 4: Assemble an “emergency kit”

When you're about to "journey into the world of extroverts," prepare for it. Comfort is very important. Wear comfortable clothes and shoes. Take with you items that may come in handy: water in a bottle, nuts, a player with your favorite music, sunglasses, an umbrella, etc. - whatever you think is necessary.

Strategy 5. Don't Forget Your Sense of Humor

The main problem of introverts is that they are too serious about life in general and its individual aspects in particular. Humor, on the other hand, helps to look at the situation from a different angle, reduces feelings of anxiety, and reminds us that we can cope with a lot.

The most difficult thing for introverts is to deal with their own fears and anxieties. Most often, introverts are afraid to look stupid from the outside, to be rejected by the group, to feel embarrassed. Therefore, first of all, it is necessary to analyze where this or that fear came from. You need to remind yourself that most fears are unfounded, and you need to finally enjoy the variety in life.

To get started, you can visit any club of interest (dance, sports, book or any other) to establish contacts. It is important not to forget existing friends - to regularly meet with them or call up (at least for a short time).

Remember that Moscow was also not built right away. Everything will be done gradually.

If you can not establish contact with a certain person or group of people, you can safely move on to others. You can't achieve perfection in everything. It is only important to find people with whom it is always comfortable, who will support and understand.

Start change with small steps.

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Title: Benefits of Introverts

About Introvert Advantage by Marty Laney

Marty Laney, in The Introvert Advantage, helps introverts discover themselves. The author convinces them that something is wrong with them, on the contrary, she reveals their uniqueness. First of all, M. Laney convinces readers to look at themselves from the other side and accept the qualities that are given by nature. She draws attention to the fact that introverts have a number of abilities that extroverts do not have, and they can be used to their advantage. In particular, among the strengths of introverts, the psychologist notes creativity, excellent analytical skills, increased attention to detail, and the ability to concentrate. Extroverts don't have all of this or are rarer, so they miss out on a lot. Thanks to these qualities, you can succeed in almost any business and outperform your competitors.

The work “The Advantages of Introverts” will also help to establish communication in a team, family, with people of different temperaments. The author gives advice on building a workflow. Interestingly, most authors of books on time management advise taking a break for a quarter of an hour after 45 minutes of work. This advice is ideal for an extrovert, but it is not suitable for an introvert either. For him, immersion in the work process for 3-4 hours will be ideal. Then he can take a break for 30 minutes. This approach will achieve phenomenal results. A career, personal life will improve, the long-awaited success will come.

Marty Laney has created an interesting book full of helpful tips. Reading the work "The Advantages of Introverts" is easy, and when the author's recommendations are followed, life will gradually change for the better.