Maxim Vlasov

Provocation is a very effective method of psychological influence on a person and therefore is often used by different people to achieve their goals. With its help, you can cause a rash, spontaneous reaction in a person, because of which he will begin to make mistakes. If you have ever encountered outright provocateurs, then you probably remember this experience. And I'm sure you didn't have the best impressions of him. And all because provocateurs force people to say and do things that they would never do, being in a calm, balanced state. However, this is precisely the meaning of provocations - to force you to do what the provocateur needs, but you do not need at all. Therefore, it is necessary to be able to recognize provocations, understand them and respond competently to them. We will talk about how to do this in this article.

What is a provocation

First, let's find out what a provocation is. In short, a provocation is a stimulus that is highly likely to cause the desired reaction in the one to whom it is directed. Literally from Latin the word "provocation" is translated as "challenge". And this is really a challenge for the one at whom the provocation is directed. Indeed, in order to competently respond to a provocation, it must first be recognized, and then find the right answer to it. It is very important not to react to a provocation, but to respond to it, that is, to act deliberately. And for this it is necessary to have [and if you do not have, then develop] self-control, so as not to let the emotions caused by provocation overshadow your mind and push you to erroneous actions.

A provocation can also be called a well-thought-out and purposeful irritant that awakens certain emotions and feelings in people and pushes them to rash acts. I repeat, to provoke a person means to induce him to such an action that he would not perform without an external stimulus. The provocateur anticipates the act of his victim, planning to benefit from it, which can be both material and psychological satisfaction. There are other definitions of provocation. But we will consider a provocation precisely as a challenge that you need to be able to adequately respond to.

What are the provocations

Provocations are explicit and implicit. A clear provocation is an open challenge, or you can also say “hit” on someone. For example, on you. You may be insulted, slandered, humiliated, they may doubt your abilities and even try to pit you with someone so that you react in a predictable way to the actions of a provocateur. Most often, the reaction is emotional, stereotyped, predictable. Therefore, it is easy for the provocateur to calculate the actions of the victim and he can only adapt them to his tasks. You can also be provoked with positive things - something to seduce, bribe, praise, elevate your dignity above their limit. In this case, already on a positive wave, you will perform such actions or tell such things that you would hardly have done and told in a calm, not excited state.

Thus, no matter what and how you are provoked, if the provocation is obvious, you will see and recognize it. You will immediately understand that a person encourages you to something, wants something from you, therefore he pays special attention to you and performs certain actions in relation to you.

As for implicit provocations, their peculiarity is that they are difficult to recognize and it is impossible to understand their goals. Implicit, hidden provocation is essentially manipulation. You are encouraged to do something, but you do not understand that you are being provoked, you do not see a provocateur in a provocateur, but a provocation in a provocation. This plays into the hands of a provocateur who may not be afraid of opposition from you. For example, a person can tell something about himself that he allegedly does not tell everyone. That is, he shares his secrets with you, trusts you, opens up to you. The question is, for what purpose does he do this? As an option, this is an attempt to talk to you, encourage you to open up in response and give out valuable information about yourself. Or he is trying to gain confidence in you in such a way that he will then persuade you to do something or get something from you. But if you don’t think at all about the reason and meaning of such a heart-to-heart talk, then you won’t even understand that you are being provoked. In other words, an implicit provocation is pure manipulation, with the help of which they can try to extract some information from you or induce you to take some action. Below I will talk in more detail about what methods of provocative influence are. In the meantime, we will look at ways to recognize provocation when it is not obvious.

How to recognize provocation

Sometimes recognizing provocation can be difficult. But this can always be done, there is to be attentive to everything that happens to you and around you. The first thing to look out for is discomfort. The feeling of discomfort always signals some kind of danger. Usually it is uncomfortable with provocateurs, even if you do not yet understand that it is the provocateur who provokes you in front of you. Such a person can annoy you, he can make you feel disgusted and you want to move away from him. This happens because the provocateur climbs into your head and soul without your consent, he tries to break into your psychological defense and circumvent your rational caution. Therefore, if you are not comfortable with some person, this is a reason to ask yourself: why do you need him to communicate with him? And an even more important question to ask yourself: why does he need you to communicate with you, pay attention to you and do something for you? These questions will be the beginning for you to recognize the provocation.

It is true that it also happens when you feel very good, free and easy with a provocateur. This happens when you are provoked through positive thoughts and feelings. For example, they can praise you very much, admire you, so that you, succumbing to emotions, do something for the provocateur as a token of gratitude, tell him something, give something away, and so on. Or they may offer you some kind of benefit, or an interesting idea that you will be delighted with. And then you yourself will do what the provocateur expects. It is important here to keep your head sober, remembering that people never do anything just like that. They do not tend to do good to others without special need. Therefore, you need to find out what is their need for doing well for you? So I suggest you think about it in a situation where you will feel very good with some person, especially with a stranger.

Questions are the main tool for thinking and finding the right information. With their help, you can not only recognize a provocation, but also correctly reflect it. If you are asked such questions that force you to disclose information that is undesirable for disclosure, you are likely to be provoked. Conversely, you yourself must be able to ask and ask questions that will allow you to understand the reasons for what is happening to you and in terms of the behavior of other people. Ask people what they want so you can get a rough idea of ​​what they want. Do not be afraid to appear suspicious and cautious - God saves the safe. Try to ask questions more often, rather than answering them, communicating with other people in order to control the situation and show provocateurs that you are a tough nut to crack.

And the last thing I advise you to do is to calculate your actions. If a provocation is difficult to recognize, it can be found. To do this, you need to calculate the cause-and-effect relationships in order to understand whether it is profitable for you to do something or not. If it is not profitable, then it is likely that the one who encourages you to these actions is a provocateur and a manipulator. So by engaging your thinking and calculating the situation a few steps ahead, you can avoid unnecessary mistakes. This is not easy to do, I understand, because the future is not predetermined and any forecasts may turn out to be erroneous. But it is better than simply reacting to the words and actions of other people without thinking about the consequences of their actions.

In general, we can attribute many actions and words of people to provocations. For much in our interaction with each other can be called a stimulus and even a challenge. And many of the stimuli we encounter force us to act in ways that are not comfortable for us. Therefore, it is important to pay attention first of all to deliberate, targeted provocations, and only then look for a catch in what seems to be completely normal and natural. A provocation is all those actions and words of people that can cause you some kind of damage. This damage must be assessed before you incur it. With obvious, obvious provocations, this is easier to do. Remember that provocation is an instrument of struggle, enmity, rivalry, competition. Therefore, in some cases, provocation can be recognized by the clearly hostile intention of other people towards you. That is, when someone wants to take something away from you, get something from you, get around you in something, outplay you - look for elements of provocation in the behavior of this person.

Methods of provocation

Now let's talk about what are the methods of provocation in order to better understand the principle of their work.

1. Take the victim on the weak. This is a fairly common method of provocation because it is very easy to perform. Even kids use it. All that needs to be done to provoke a person with this technique is to doubt his abilities, his honesty and other qualities. A person will want to prove that he is not a weakling, not a coward, not a lazy person, not a fool, not greedy, not poor, not a deceiver, not a traitor, not a thief, not a murderer, and so on. And when a person does this - to prove, explain, justify - he will tell a lot of superfluous things and do a lot of things that are not necessary for himself. If this provocation is not obvious to the one against whom it is directed, then it becomes many times more effective. But even if people understand that they are being provoked in this way, they can still go along with the provocateur in order to show themselves to him or other people from the good side.

2. Raise a person. This is also a very good way of provocation. Seeing in a person who he is not [but who he would like to be], admiring this and highlighting it in every possible way, you can arouse in him a desire and desire to correspond to this image. Here it is enough for the victim of provocation to simply agree with the provocateur's opinion that he, the victim, is smart, courageous, generous, practical, responsible, modern, in order to fall into a trap. Since you are the way you want to see yourself and how other people see you, conform to this image and act as you should act.

3. Conflict. Conflict provocation is the most common and obvious form of provocation. Unlike manipulative provocations, this way of inducing people to take certain actions can often be recognized without much difficulty, but it is very difficult for many people to refrain from succumbing to this provocation. It's all about strong emotions - resentment, anger, hatred, fear, which are difficult for people to cope with. That is why the “divide and conquer” technique is relevant at all times. As life shows, it is not difficult to provoke a conflict between people by pitting them against each other. It is only necessary to evoke a certain emotional state in people and the behavioral reaction associated with it. If you anger a person well, offend or scare, then he will behave in a predictable way. And if this behavior is called at the right time in the right place, then some benefit can be derived from it. The point is to force an agitated person to make a mistake.

4. Temptation. A person can be provoked to rash actions and deeds by seducing him with something. Money, sex, status are some of the most commonly used lures to seduce people. For example, a lot of money or lack of it can provoke a person to commit a crime. A beautiful woman can provoke a man to cheat, and an overly persistent and cunning man, with the help of fairy tales about love, can provoke a woman to leave the family. The desire to improve one's status in society can provoke a person to betray loved ones. And the consequences of such actions can be very different, depending on who and for what purpose seduces a person.

5. Shame, guilt. You can make a person feel guilty and ashamed and thus provoke him to actions with which he will try to make amends to someone and correct his mistakes. This is a manipulative provocation, that is, as a rule, it has hidden intentions. However, sometimes a provocateur can openly demand compensation from his victim for damages, without hiding the fact that this whole situation plays into his hands.

6. Not tactful [provocative] questions. This is a fairly effective method of provocation. It is often used by lawyers in court and controversial journalists. A question not tactfully posed can prompt a person to tell the truth or make a mistake that will cost him dearly. After all, wanting to refute unreliable information, sometimes frankly false and cynical, a person gives out reliable information. Or his emotional state will become so unstable due to surging feelings that he will stop behaving rationally, will start to get nervous, worry, and will definitely make some kind of mistake. For example, a person can be asked about how long ago he stopped using alcohol or drugs, which implies that he once did this at all, they want in fact it may not be so. And if a person is inattentive to the question and begins to thoughtlessly answer it, with his answer he can confirm the fact of using alcohol or drugs, saying that he has not used them for a long time. That is, one mispronounced word can make him a former alcoholic and drug addict. Or he may experience negative emotions because of such a question and begin to show aggression towards the one who asked him it. And this will put a person in a bad light and people may think badly about him, including the fact that he is really a former drug addict with an unbalanced psyche.

7. Joy. What people don't do for joy. When a person is overwhelmed with emotions, he begins to behave primitively, making the most straightforward decisions. It is easiest for happy people to sell something. When people experience a storm of positive emotions, they don't really count money. The main thing is to awaken these emotions in people. This can be done in many ways. For example, look at how well various sales provoke people to make purchases, including unnecessary ones.

8. Deliberate delusion. This is a more subtle method of provocation, manipulative, with many variations. Its meaning is to deliberately be wrong about something, to demonstrate your delusion to the right people and thus encourage them to correct you or completely refute you. This allows them to do some work [work on proving you wrong] or get valuable information from them and generally allows you to attract the attention of these people. Thus, people will spend certain resources, succumbing to such a provocation and reveal the necessary information.

For example, I may not know the address of the person I need and do not want to ask anyone about it, so as not to arouse suspicion because of my curiosity. But I can deliberately give his erroneous address in the presence of people who, in my opinion, know him, so that they correct me and give me the necessary information. Or you can present such absurd information on any topic that it will greatly outrage many people and they will want to refute it, citing the information necessary for the provocateur as evidence of its fallacy. So, in particular, you can find out from what sources they draw information and what knowledge they have in a particular area. In some activities, such information about the source of information is of great value.

Social engineers often use this method of provocation to extract information from their victims. For example, they can call the owner of a bank card, introduce themselves as a bank employee and clarify the information they need on the card. But they will not just ask him about it, this can arouse suspicion, but they will give out partially correct information and partially incorrect information, referring to the fact that they lost the rest of the data due to, say, a computer failure. A person, not wanting to have problems with the card and the bank, and seeing that it is already partially known about him, will give the missing information to the scammers, after which money will be stolen from his card. This method of provocation has many forms and uses. The desire of people to point out other people's mistakes, delusions, lies, and at the same time to emphasize their awareness, is often used to their advantage by competent provocateurs.

9. Threat. Threats, both real and imaginary, are also a fairly common method of provocation. This is a more open and obvious provocation. The calculation is made on the expected reaction of a person to a threat addressed to him. A person in such cases can be very predictable. He may become frightened and give up his ambitions, he may make concessions, he may hide, run away, retreat, or he may show aggression in response. All these types of reactions may well turn out to be erroneous, inappropriate, ill-conceived and inaccurate, especially in cases where there is nothing behind the provocateur's threats. The result required by the provocateur will be achieved if the victim believes in the reality of his threats and is frightened of them.

10. Scandal. Dirty, but very effective and common method of provocation. Scandals are a great way to focus people's attention on some issue that they would never have paid attention to without the scandal. The main task of the scandal is to attract attention and, if possible, keep it as long as possible. In the process of a scandal, certain points of view on a particular issue are imposed on people, which they begin to perceive as their own opinion, and based on this opinion, people subsequently make decisions, perform probabilistically predetermined actions, for the sake of which a provocation is started. With the help of a good scandal, you can divert people's attention from the problems that are really important to them and direct their discontent in the direction the provocateur needs. Most people are interested in scandal because their cultural environment is replete with all sorts of scandals. Many people in conflict situations slide into a scandal, because they are not trained in a different way to resolve these situations. Therefore, this is an attractive incentive for them. On television, this method of provocation is very popular. All sorts of talk shows, where some scandals constantly occur, attract the attention of many people.

How to respond to provocations

To protect yourself from provocations, you need to respond competently to them. A competent reaction is not an emotional reaction, but a deliberate answer. And the first thing that can be done in response to a provocation is nothing. You just need to ignore it. Try not to contact provocateurs so as not to be influenced by them, and if they themselves persistently attack you, then simply do not notice them. A provocateur always counts on a certain reaction from you, he expects you to answer him. If this reaction is not followed, his efforts will be in vain. So the best answer is no answer at all. If you are not able to control yourself well enough to resist provocations, you need to work on yourself, on your own or with the help of a specialist.

In some situations, it is not possible to ignore the provocation. Even if you have strong nerves and a stable psyche, you still have to answer it. The fact is that others may consider you a weakling if you do not give a decent answer to the provocateur. For example, in prison, it is impossible not to react to some provocations, this is fraught with negative consequences. So you have to answer. But not the way the provocateur wants it, the way he plans for you to answer, but in a different way. You cannot react predictably, otherwise you will lose. Retaliate by provoking, remembering that in some cases the best defense is an attack. Provoke the provocateur so that not you, but he performs the first action. Since the conflict is still unavoidable, then at least win this confrontation. This will be a plus for you in the eyes of others.

Another good way to protect against provocations is unpredictability. Be unpredictable so that provocateurs cannot miscalculate you. If you act unpredictably, inconsistently, illogically for the provocateur, this can at least make him nervous, and at the most, give up his hostile intentions towards you. A provocateur wants to evoke a predictable reaction in you with his provocation, so you need to deprive him of this trump card with his unpredictability.

And most importantly - do not be afraid of provocations. Fear makes you immune to them. It is better to work out various options for your response to certain provocations in order to prepare yourself for them. Provocations are one way to manipulate you. But provocation is not always manipulation. Often this is undisguised aggression. You are being challenged by provoking you. Don't be afraid of him. There is still no hiding from provocations and related conflicts, since they are everywhere. Therefore, it is necessary to answer them, not to react, namely, to answer, deliberately and calmly.

Provocateurs lie in wait for us when we least expect a dirty trick. It is worth relaxing, and then someone appears who wants to get out of a state of complacency, anger, outrage. Provocateurs manipulate us, and even relatives and friends can belong to their detachment.

How to respond to verbal provocations

Probably, everyone had to be exposed to verbal provocations. A provocateur is able to piss off almost any complacent person.

What do we mean by provocation?

This is an action or words directed at a person in order to cause a certain reaction in him. And, as a rule, these are conscious actions.

provocateurs may be among our relatives, friends, work colleagues. It could also be complete strangers.

The favorite occupation of provocateurs is to provoke others into conflicts in order to themselves then act either as peacekeepers or as victims.

There are many methods of provocation, and those who have mastered them easily manipulate people, seeking from them the desired emotional state and behavioral response. Provocation is used to deprive a person of the ability to reason sensibly, to suppress him morally, to make him nervous, to make excuses, to cause feelings of guilt, etc.

With the help of provocation, you can find out other people's secrets or necessary information. A simple example: "You are in a hurry to go home, probably your wife and children are waiting for you?". Correct answer: "I'm not married."

Accusing a loved one of greed, you can provoke him to a gift. A stubborn person with a tendency to do the opposite than he is asked, the provocateur provokes to the action he needs, asking him to do the exact opposite of what he needs.

In “skillful hands”, provocation is a great force that allows you to manipulate people and achieve what you want. However, there are ways to understand that we have a provocateur in front of us, and not to follow his lead.

How not to let yourself be manipulated, or how to deal with provocateurs

There are several principles, adhering to which you can protect yourself from provocations.

1. Examine the weaknesses of your character

Vulnerabilities, or Achilles heel, everyone has. And people provocateurs sometimes know about our weaknesses better than we do. They are observant and immediately notice what it is that can confuse us, upset or confuse us. They will successfully use their observations as long as we meet their expectations.

As soon as we show that their methods do not work for us, they will not immediately, but give up their attempts. Of course, sometimes manipulative provocateurs do not want to quickly accept defeat and begin to probe for new weaknesses in order to still feel their superiority and be the master of the situation.

However, their attempts can serve us well: with their help, we can better understand ourselves. After analyzing the situation, we must understand ourselves: why we “broke down”, allowed ourselves to be drawn into a conflict, allowed ourselves to be manipulated.

Provocateurs determine our vulnerabilities before us, so let's use their "hint" and develop a line of conduct, strengthen our defense, show that they will no longer be able to take us by surprise.

It is useful to develop the ability to look at what is happening from the outside in any conflict situation: perhaps this will cool our ardor and we will not let ourselves be drawn into the trap of conflict.

2. Realize that we are dealing with a provocation

We all noticed that some people are conducive to themselves and communicate with them easily and simply. You can always agree with them and find a common language, even if the current situation threatens to turn into a conflict.

If we experience such emotional states almost every time after communicating with such people, then we are provocateurs.

“The one who says:“ Russia is for the Russians ”, you know, it’s hard to resist not giving characteristics to these people - these are either dishonorable people who do not understand what they are saying, and then they are just idiots, or provocateurs,” Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin.

So, in order to understand that we have a provocateur trying to draw us into a conflict, we need to pay attention to emotions and their intensity that our interlocutor evokes in us.

3. Determine the type of provocateur

It is possible to determine the purpose of the provocation, to “resist” the provocateur and develop immunity to his methods, if you determine the type to which he belongs: amateur provocateurs, strategists provocateurs or provocateurs - lovers of power.

Type of amateur provocateurs familiar to many: they do not tolerate disagreement with their opinion. A different point of view than their own is intolerable for them and causes attacks of aggression towards the interlocutor.

They do not know how and do not want to control their emotions and follow their lead.

Often, the provocateur himself exposes himself as a victim, falling into hysterics with tears, and thus achieves what he wants, taking advantage of the fact that others want to quickly end the conflict.

With provocateurs of this type, you need to behave detachedly, mentally putting a protective barrier in front of you. As they say, do not add fuel to the fire and do not let the fire flare up. Our detachment and impenetrability will show that he is wasting his energy in vain.

Provocateurs-strategists often our colleagues at work. They are also found among good, it would seem, acquaintances. Recognizing "strategists" and dealing with them is more difficult than with "amateurs" who provoke openly.

"Strategists" most often act behind the back.

They spread rumors and gossip, weave intrigues, having a specific goal: to defame someone, put themselves in a better light and achieve promotion at work; quarrel spouses in order to take the place of one of them, etc.

Having found such a person in your environment, you need to try to determine the purpose of his manipulations. It is quite possible that there is no “crime” in them, and his goal will coincide with ours. If not, then it is better to stay away from the provocateur, but not to lose sight of him, so as not to become an object of manipulation yourself.

People provocateurs who love to rule, subjugate and control, also met everyone. And they do it in order to feel their own importance.

Usually, “power-hungry” people have a good sense of who can be manipulated and who cannot: they do not touch psychologically strong people, but they try to control the psychologically weak, which they often succeed in doing.

At the same time, they easily guess vulnerable traits in a person’s character, with the help of which they keep him in subjection.

The only way to avoid getting caught in the net of such a manipulator, who often hides behind the best of intentions, is to maintain a neutral position and not let him get too close.

4. Assess the situation and choose a response

Having identified the provocateur and his type, there is no need to try to understand him, much less justify his actions. Otherwise, we will fall under his "charm" and risk becoming an object of manipulation. On the contrary, we must develop an appropriate course of action:

1. Ask the provocateur directly about what he is trying to achieve (for example, “Do I understand correctly that you are provoking me to…”);
2. Calmly express your emotions (“I don’t like that you publicly discuss my mistakes”);
3. Use metaphors to indicate a difference in positions or opinions (“I got the impression that we speak different languages”).

Often both interlocutors are provocateurs. In this case, conflict can be avoided only if one of them consciously makes a concession.

Faced with a provocateur, we must not forget that his goal is to unbalance us. This means that we must remain calm in order not to allow ourselves to be manipulated.

This will “slow down” the psyche, calm thoughts, which means that we will be able to adequately respond to a provocation and deceive the manipulator’s expectations.

© Timoshenko Elena, BBF.ru

Source: https://BBF.ru/magazine/2/7246/

How not to succumb to provocations

Quite often you can hear the phrase "he provoked me" in its various variations. Usually it serves as an excuse for some unseemly reaction or act. And although many people perfectly understand the meaning of this phrase, the provocation itself not only cannot be ignored, but even recognized in time.

What is a provocation

Provocation is an order of words and / or actions directed at a certain person or group of people in order to cause them a negative reaction, prompting them to do things that are undesirable for these people. Provocations can be divided into two types:

• Rational - committed with a specific purpose, allowing you to achieve the desired result for the provoking person.
• Irrational - carried out without a conscious motive, out of hooligan motives, etc., which do not bring objective benefit to the provoking person.

Usually the result of a provocation is a quarrel, loss of emotional balance of a person, erroneous (harmful) actions, moral and material losses. If we are talking about provocations at work, then in the overwhelming majority of cases these are rational provocations, with the goal of:

• discrediting a person in the eyes of management;
• obstruction to the fulfillment of the assigned tasks;
• the occurrence of errors in the results of the work; m
• dismissal (forced or voluntary).

The motives of the provocative person in this case are obvious. As a rule, a person in this way tries to increase his own importance against the backdrop of the failures of a colleague, achieve his dismissal, take his place, etc.

Often, in this way, a provocative person receives moral satisfaction, a discharge of his own tension, which is also considered an achievement of a result, a conscious desire, therefore this form of provocation, of course, belongs to the rational type.

There is even such a term “whipping ball”, which is sometimes used specifically to define a person who is subjected to regular, sometimes collective provocations in order to “take his soul away from him”, “tear off evil”, “bring to tears”.

As for provocations in the family circle, the motives here are different, although the methods remain essentially the same. Most often, provocations in the family circle also belong to the rational form, since they serve to achieve very specific goals. The most common result of such provocations is a quarrel. Goals can be very diverse, for example:

• Maintaining the status quo. When one of the family members has convenient conditions for relationships with other family members, in case of encroachment on which this person provokes a quarrel (often under a completely extraneous pretext) in order to maintain his position.
• Getting some (possibly temporary) freedom of action. Having quarreled with family members, a person freely, with a clear conscience, leaves the house, going where he would like to go, but his spouse would be against it. Having provoked a quarrel, a person imitates resentment and slams the door.
• Termination of relationship. Unfortunately, a fairly common motive. If a husband or wife lacks the strength of mind, principles, moral level to end the relationship, dissolve the marriage honestly, taking responsibility for this, they can provoke scandals. As a result, the spouse (s) cannot stand this situation and leaves the house of their own free will, saving the person who provoked the need to expel him (her) and subsequent remorse.
• Acquiring what you want. One of the most common ways to achieve certain material benefits, purchases, household improvements, etc. A variety of methods of pressure can be used as a provocation aimed at forcing family members (mainly spouses, parents) to acquire the desired material benefits.

In this case, it is necessary to distinguish manipulations from provocations. The key difference is the form of the reaction. When manipulating him, a person expresses consent to the commission of this or that action; as a result of provocation, he shows a negative, irrational reaction in a fit of feelings.

How to resist provocation

First of all, you need to analyze the situation. You should mentally answer the following questions:

• Who is this person who is trying to provoke me?
• Am I addicted to it in some way or vice versa?
• What exactly does he want from me?
• Why did he think he could provoke me?
• Can I provoke him?

To a greater extent, this concept is relevant for working relationships, but in the family circle, such an analysis can be useful, namely:

• identify vulnerabilities in your character that allow people to provoke you;
• find out the hidden goals of the person provoking you;
• analyze why he cannot achieve what he wants in another way;
• prevent him from getting his way to the detriment of your interests.

The first means of dealing with provocations is silence (to the extent possible or appropriate). You can imitate thoughtfulness, absent-mindedness, be distracted by extraneous objects, in every possible way to get away from the conversation. If it is not possible to remain silent and avoid contact, you can use the tactics of "confusing".

To do this, you can suddenly interrupt the words of the provocative person with an inappropriate question, as if he had just entered your head, for example: “Do you happen to know how to remove traces of the marker from the furniture?” If a person does not answer, becomes confused, angry, in a word, regardless of his reaction, you should immediately add: “Okay, I’ll ask someone else.”

However, it should be noted that such tactics will save you only from a single specific case of provocation.

In order to completely get rid of such attacks, it is necessary to analyze the qualities of your own personality, understand why you succumb to provocations, and most importantly, which of the character traits allows others to think that you are easily provoked. It is advisable to carry out this "work on the mistakes" with the help of a psychologist.

Source: http://OnWomen.ru/kak-ne-poddavatsya-na-provokacii.html

How to stop being a target for fellow provocateurs

Hello dear readers! School ended a long time ago and it seemed that you would never meet a bully in your life. However, some people seem to never get out of adolescence and we still face an unpleasant situation in the office. What to do if you find yourself in this unenviable position?

In today's article, I will tell you how not to react to provocations at work, block the actions of a negative person who darkens your life, and also give a couple of tips on how to act in no case is worth it.

Let's start with the last one. This is very important, because over time, frivolous attacks and provocations, if you behave incorrectly, can develop into open confrontation and conflict.

What Not to Do

Ignoring the provocations of colleagues is incredibly difficult, but since people are in an agitated state and are not able to act logically, they act extremely recklessly.

Don't be aggressive

In a stressful situation, it is difficult to find a tactful graceful way to get rid of the “bully”, the “victim” expresses his displeasure or in some other way shows aggression. In no case should you do this, and here's why.

There are certain scenarios of life situations. If the boss or another person in the team provokes you, he subconsciously expects to receive negative emotions from you: aggression, embarrassment, fear.

In general, he tries to unbalance, and you act exactly as he suggests.

In this case, he feels like a winner (because he achieved everything he expected), and you are completely defeated (because you gave everything that was required).

Of course, these scripts need to be broken. Learning to control yourself is very difficult and I have a couple of recommendations on how you can do it, but first I will tell you about one more aspect that must be considered when choosing a strategy.

wedge wedge

Another elementary way to deal with a bully that immediately comes to mind is to start acting with the same methods - joking, teasing, witty answers, and so on.

To begin with, soberly assess your strengths. The person who offends you most likely has experience in this matter. He is witty and has honed his craft over the years. They don’t just become bullies, for this you need to get approval from others. It is difficult to surpass the "master". Getting rid of it is almost impossible.

With your behavior, you can take the game to a new level.

The bully likes the attention of the public, and you warm it up with your behavior and therefore risk not getting rid of the negative impact, but even more interested in his own person.

The two of you will cause laughter, attract the attention of the crowd and win or lose the argument every time. In any case, the bully will no longer lag behind you.

What to do?

benevolence

The person who picks you up knows perfectly well what he is doing.

If you decide to take a civilized approach and talk frankly with him, most likely he will begin to convince you of the opposite: “Yes, I'm just kidding”, “I don't feel any negativity towards you.” It is unlikely that the situation will change after this.

Once again, you will show the person that he is the winner in this game. So that he stops getting it, you can start acting differently. A person manifests himself from the negative side, so crush him with goodness!

If a colleague teases that you are "eating again" - cook pies for him the next day. Present them in such a way that he thinks they are poisoned and is afraid to eat them.

You are told that you are greasing up to the authorities, scrupulously doing work, approach your opponent at the moment when he is most busy and with a radiant smile that does not bode well, offer to help him or write a report for him.

It is very important in this case that the bully constantly doubts: he feels some kind of catch, but at the same time, to some extent, he feels trust. Otherwise, you run the risk of becoming that school nerd who gives his breakfast money to the offender, just so that he does not offend him.

Unfortunately, in addition to your abilities, much of the success of this strategy will depend on the nature of the bully himself. He may think that this is another indicator of his victory, and then your actions will bring absolutely nothing.

The best remedy

The best and most correct means that will help get rid of the enemy, start working on yourself, and not fight female or male provocations. We very rarely can influence the behavior of another adult until he himself wants to “correct”, but it is much easier to defeat our own emotions.

You need to think about yourself, your own self-sufficiency and stop depending on the opinions and attacks of others, learn to separate yourself from inadequate colleagues, strive to understand that their antics do not characterize you in any way. In this case, you will be able to successfully ignore them.

This does not mean that you can allow others to cross the boundaries of what is permitted, you also need to be able to protect yourself. It is important to understand why these provocations hurt you so much and make you react to them.

I can recommend the book Self-Confidence by Thomas Chamorro-Premusik, which will help you change and answer many questions that concern you now.

That's all. Don't forget to subscribe to our mailing list to learn a little more about yourself. See you again.

Source: http://ezy-life.ru/rabota/kak-ne-reagirovat-na-provokatsii.html

How not to succumb to provocations - Prankster - a magazine for women

At home and at work, in transport, online and offline, we are constantly confronted with this phenomenon. Provocateurs irritate, hurt to the core, beat on the sick, anger, piss off. Is it worth reacting, and can it be done without harm?

Provocation can be called any action, the purpose of which is to provoke a certain reaction in another person. "Trolls", as provocateurs are often called now, seek to make the "victim" put himself in a disadvantageous light in front of others.

“Their task is to make the pas lose control and self-control,” explains family systems therapist Marina Travkova. We must flare up, get angry, burst into tears.

That is, to clearly express your feelings: anger, fear, impotence or shame, ”this puts a person in emotionally difficult conditions, creates a situation that threatens psychological stability and self-esteem. How to react in order not to give the opportunity to bring yourself to white heat?

Reveal provocation

In this case, it is useful to pause, to comprehend what is happening.

The reception helps to get rid of the emotional influence of a partner, put things in order, realize feelings and understand that you may have encountered provocation, manipulation.

In addition, it is worth focusing on the strength of your emotions and the situation. If in response to certain actions or words with enviable regularity you give out the same one.

moreover, a violent, emotional reaction - most likely, you are being provoked, strong indignation, resentment, confusion - all these are signals that indirectly indicate "trolling". It is important to pay attention to whether the interlocutor strives for constructive communication, to achieve a common goal.

If you feel that the conversation is going in circles, and it's not the first time you're trying to prove something. This is also something to think about.

Understand yourself

With rare exceptions, almost everyone succumbs to provocations: each of us has weak points. “As a rule, we find ourselves on the hook of a manipulator,” explains analytical psychologist Yulia Zhemchuzhnikova.

– Although the situation of provocation is actually a resource, it helps to get to know yourself better.

Therefore, it is worth considering: why do specific words and actions hurt so much? This very hook of a provocateur can turn out to be any topic: painful situations from childhood, difficult relationships with parents, unresolved internal conflicts, fears, low self-esteem, dependence on someone else's opinion.

It is necessary to identify such weak points in order not to become a trophy of a provocateur.

According to Galina Kolpakova, it is possible to withstand communication with people prone to provocations if you have certain qualities: the ability to reflect, the ability to get out of a state of emotional involvement, to look at what is happening from a distance. And also - the talent to trust your feelings.

Everyone who does not tend to do this is at risk: provocations can become especially exhausting and dangerous for them. It is necessary to understand what feelings arise after you realize: you fell for the “bait” of a provocateur and allowed him to experience a triumph.

“Indignation and resentment are a signal that in the course of communication too much power over the situation was transferred to a hostile interlocutor,” explains family systemic therapist Maria Shumikhina. It is impossible to allow a provocateur to play the role of a persecutor, otherwise there will be only one option left - to become his victim.

To avoid this unenviable fate, it is important to take responsibility for what is happening. We'll have to replace the phrase "he provoked me" with "I allowed myself to succumb to his provocation."

Thanks to this wording, you will feel yourself not as a pawn in the wrong hands, but as an active participant in communication, who is free to choose how to act.

Any interested person can choose the necessary equipment for supermarkets on the website http://horecatrade.com.ua/.

Study provocateur

Emotional "trolls" can be divided into three groups. For strategists provocateurs, the most important thing is to get the desired result through managing other people.

In this case, you need to understand what exactly the strategist is trying to achieve and how his goals are consistent with your own. First of all, this concerns provocations in the workplace.

Such "trolls" love and know how to weave intrigues and build false combinations in order to eliminate competitors and move up the career ladder.

But power-hungry provocateurs are attracted by the feeling of omnipotence. It is important for them to feel their importance, the ability to keep everything and everyone under control. For them, a violent reaction is a sign of someone else's weakness. With the help of provocations, power seekers test the waters: they find out who is a strong and dangerous player, and who is a weakling.

In this case, it is important to take a hit: no matter what happens, do not deviate from the neutral, even tone of communication. Focus on the meaning of the dialogue, look for a constructive grain in communication. Clarification phrases will help you with this: “Did I understand correctly that ...

"," Explain, please, what exactly is the essence of your question.

Amateur provocateurs enjoy "trolling" as such: they enjoy watching strong, often negative feelings from a safe distance. It is difficult for such people to interact with their aggression: they are not able to hold the tension of the intensity of emotions.

This can be explained by the work of psychological defenses: a strong affect is forced out into the unconscious. For such individuals, provoking another is almost the only available way to find out what it is to “feel”. In this case, it is important to understand that strong emotions caused by a provocateur actually belong to him.

he sort of puts them in us. This psychological mechanism is called projective identification: we feel what our interlocutor denies. Projective identification is always accompanied by a feeling of alienation - "this is not mine." It is worth trying to mentally distance yourself from the situation and return to the provocateur his feelings.

You can slowly say to yourself: “this anger is not mine, but yours”, “these tears are not mine. and yours."

Evaluate the situation

When faced with a provocation for the first time, many are genuinely surprised: it seems senseless, unreasonable, complicating life with a strategy of behavior. However, thinking about the intricacies of the mental organization of the "troll", we give him what he needs - our attention, time and strength. In fact, we do the work of a psychotherapist for free.

To stop pouring water on the unconscious mill of the provocateur, the question "why is he like that?" it is better to replace it with “what behavior is most beneficial to me in this situation?”. Do not waste time thinking about why a person does this. According to Galina Kolpakova, three strategies can be used to become the king of the situation.

Firstly, it helps to clarify the position of the “troll” and intentions through clarifications: “Did I understand correctly that you would like ...” Secondly, it is useful to express bewilderment and other feelings through I-statements: “I am sad that you do not understand me…

» Thirdly, you can use a metaphor: "You and I act as if we exist in parallel worlds."

If a close person acts as a provocateur, one should try to understand what exactly is behind his behavior. Sometimes couples fall into a trap: the provocation of one of the partners is a response to the provocation of the other.

It is necessary to stop a valuable reaction by a strong-willed decision - someone must show consciousness, not be compassionate. For the sake of maintaining a relationship, it is worth finding out what lies behind the mutual unconstructive behavior.

Most often, these are unspoken claims, resentments and unmet needs.

Choose reaction

“The first task of a provocateur is to upset the emotional balance so that the mind becomes silent in the heat of feelings, and the person begins to make rash decisions,” says psychotherapist Sergey Gudkov. “When we are calm and focused, it is the provocateur who has to worry and make mistakes, if only because his plan failed.” If you feel that you are about to boil, it is important to remember:

no one is free to take away our right to choose how to respond. “You can pause, count to ten, or take four deep breaths and then slowly exhale.

And then think about whether you want to answer, and if so. then how exactly, ”suggests Yulia Zhemchuzhnikova.

Most likely, the provocateur will quickly lose interest in the interlocutor if he fails to quickly provoke a rash reaction to his actions.

Of course, it is much more difficult to resist the provocations of a loved one. In such a situation, Yulia Zhemchuzhinkova advises to step back: “Allow yourself to get angry, upset, cry, scream, but at the same time single out the Internal Observer.

who is able to look at what is happening from the outside, a little from above. Gradually, even in a provocateur, this Inner Observer will be able to discern not only the notorious "troll" - stupid, rude, arrogant - but also a real, deeply unhappy person, with his problems and the Game.

And with such a position, there are much more chances to establish a constructive, full-fledged dialogue.

Wherever a person is: at home, in a public place, at work, in transport, or even online on the Internet, he is inevitably at risk of facing provocations, an acute reaction to which not only stings a person, but also causes conflict situations. Provocations can have a variety of effects: to annoy, hurt “sore” points, anger, infuriate, make you suffer, etc. Is it possible to somehow protect yourself and your psyche from the harmful influence of provocateurs? Skilled communicators know these ways and easily parry any attacks in their direction. But are all of us communication professionals? Unfortunately no. And not everyone can and wants to become them for certain reasons. But be that as it may, the ability to repel communication attacks will always be a useful skill for absolutely any person. This skill will be discussed below.

To begin with, it is worth saying a few words about what a provocation is in general. provocation It is customary to consider any action, the purpose of which is to excite a certain reaction in another person. People who provoke others to these reactions are called provocateurs. And in most cases, provocateurs direct their “skills” to ensure that the one at whom their actions are directed loses self-control, control over their actions and emotions and, as a result, puts himself in front of the others or himself in an unfavorable light.

Sometimes even a not particularly sensitive person reflects on provocations, not to mention people who are more sensitive. But there are some very simple, but very effective ways to make sure that no provocation reaches its goal, and a person not only remains calm and unshakable, but also emerges from any sensitive situation as a winner.

So, first of all, you need to know: in order to become resistant to provocations of any kind, you need, firstly, to devote some time to working out your “weak points”, and secondly, to adhere to a special strategy in behavior. Both of these points are based mainly on the following five principles.

Understanding yourself

Almost everyone has their weak points. It is on the impact on them that provocative behavior is calculated, because. it "hooks" the person. Despite the fact that any interaction with provocateurs is destructive, it can be used to your advantage. Thanks to provocations, a person can get to know himself better, because. there is reason to think about why this or that behavior, words and actions of other people cause such a violent reaction. Often in this way it is possible to identify psychological and emotional. It is precisely the precise definition of one's most vulnerable spots that makes it possible to strengthen protection against provocations. In addition, it is worth adding that the development of such qualities as the ability to observe what is happening from the side, what is called, the ability to slow down one’s psyche in order to get out of a state of emotional involvement, as well as the ability to trust one’s feelings, positively affects the strengthening of stability.

Identification of provocation

First of all, you need to pay attention to your own feelings. The usual reaction to a provocation is bewilderment, misunderstanding, indignation. In order to prevent these sensations from taking over your own, you need to turn on your own and turn it to what is happening at the moment. This helps to understand your feelings, calm your thoughts, free yourself from the influence of the interlocutor and realize that perhaps his behavior is provocative.

In addition, you need to pay attention to the intensity of your emotions. If, when communicating with a person, such emotional states as confusion, resentment, indignation, etc. regularly arise, then most likely you are faced with a provocation. When interacting with another person, it is important to understand the direction of communication: if it is constructive and aimed at finding a compromise and understanding, then there is no place for provocations, but if over and over again you are forced to react sharply emotionally, then you are faced with a provocateur.

The study of the provocateur

If a provocateur is identified in the process of communication, then the next step is to determine its type. In general, provocateurs can be divided into several categories. These are amateur provocateurs, power-hungry provocateurs and strategists provocateurs.

For amateur provocateurs the main "activity" is the observation of the process. Moreover, observation at a distance. These people are often influenced by their own emotions, because. are unable to control them. If suddenly an amateur provocateur felt that, for example, the point of view of another person differs sharply from his position, then he will certainly express this by projecting his aggression onto the interlocutor. Although, the expression of his position can be expressed not only in aggressive attacks, but also in tears, ignoring, etc.

When confronted with such a person, the surest way is to remove yourself from the situation. It's like a pendulum: it swings to hurt you, and you entered into resonance with it, but if you fail this pendulum, i.e. if you don’t react to it in any way, then its vibrations will begin to fade and after a while it will stop.

power-hungry provocateurs have a slightly different approach. Their goal is to gain a sense of their power, significance, control over situations and people. If the person with whom they communicate begins to react violently to their behavior, then for them he will be the “best” interlocutor. With the help of provocations, power-hungry provocateurs reveal psychologically strong and weak people. When interacting with such people, it is very important to maintain a neutral position: keep the tone of the conversation even, refrain from rash reactions, etc.

BUT strategists provocateurs These are people who, through the manipulation of others, achieve their goals. They can talk behind their backs, weave intrigues, gossip and do other similar things. If you encounter such a person, then you need to try to determine what exactly is his goal, and also whether his tasks are consistent with yours. If you can be mutually useful to each other, then you can play along with such a person in his game, naturally, without taking his side and without becoming a provocateur-strategist yourself. If your goals do not agree, then it is best to keep a distance from this person and carefully monitor what is happening.

Assessment of the situation

When confronted with any situation of provocation, it is not necessary to pay much attention to thinking about why this person behaves this way, because it can be otherwise; why does he need it, I don’t understand, etc. By doing this, we lose the thread of events and begin to "dance to the tune" of the provocateur. And in no case should you do this. Instead, you need to think about what strategy of behavior is worth pursuing. And here there are three options.

First is to clarify the intentions of the provocateur by asking him direct questions about what he wants. For example, the question: "Do I understand correctly that you want to provoke me to ....?" etc.

Second is the expression of one's feelings through simple and calm expressions of one's emotions. For example, the phrase: “It somehow doesn’t make me very happy that we don’t understand each other,” etc.

Third- the use of metaphors that describe the difference in positions. For example, the statement: “Our communication is similar to the communication of people from different planets, because ....” etc.

In addition, if someone from your inner circle is a provocateur, then you need to try to determine what he is guided by, choosing a provocative line of behavior. In some cases, both people can act as provocateurs, when the provocations of one cause the provocations of the other, and so on. In such situations, one must certainly leave aside his "I" and go towards the other, consciously yielding.

Choice of reaction

Considering that the main task of the provocateur is to disturb the emotional balance of another person and cause sharp negative reactions, the surest way to act will be nothing more than maintaining calm and awareness. Thus, a person can not only remain unshakable, but also cause an emotional imbalance in a provocateur, not justifying his expectations.

In order to prevent yourself from "boiling" you can do a few simple steps:

• Remember that your reaction is only your choice.
• Count yourself to ten
• Take a few deep breaths and slow exhalations

Any of these methods can “slow down” the human psyche and calm his thoughts, as a result of which he will lose the desire to respond to a provocation, which, in turn, will neutralize the attacks of the provocateur.

It is the choice of reaction that is the key point in the issue of protection against provocations. But understanding oneself, identifying a provocation, studying the provocateur, assessing the situation and choosing a reaction - all this is based mainly on observing oneself, the people with whom we interact and the process of interaction itself. Only knowledge of one's strengths and weaknesses and the desire to stop being manipulated by other people can protect a person from provocations and the occurrence of unwanted and even extreme situations in communication.

We all know people who, as if on purpose, are looking for quarrels. They provoke a scandal, ask “uncomfortable” questions, suspect, make discord. You are perplexed: "Why would anyone deliberately look for quarrels?" and complain to a close friend: “Every time after the conversation I’m like a squeezed lemon!”.

Why do some behave so aggressively and how to build communication with such people in more detail in our article.

The reasons

Often the cause of irritable behavior is attention deficit disorder. ADD is a common neurological developmental disorder. The syndrome manifests itself with symptoms such as difficulty concentrating, hyperactivity, and poorly controlled impulsivity.

In ADD, an attempt to concentrate does not lead to an increase in brain activity, but, on the contrary, to a decrease. They say about such people that they fall into a stupor, miss words, have problems with the organization of everyday life and the work process. People with ADD often find it very difficult to do daily routines. However, when they have to do exciting, exciting work, they achieve brilliant results.

The treatment of the syndrome is controversial. It is noted that about 30% of children "outgrow" this syndrome, or adapt to live with it in adulthood. It is also worth noting that many still doubt the existence of ADD as such.

Consequences

The lack of brain activity caused by the desire to focus requires additional stimulation. Worrying, humming, mumbling are the most common ways people with ADD use to turn their brains on.

Many ADD sufferers unconsciously seek out fights as it stimulates their brains. They do it unconsciously: initially, no one is going to arrange a conflict.

Parents of children with ADD often say that their children are great at pissing off. One mother said that every morning, when she wakes up, she makes a promise to herself that she will not yell at her eight-year-old son. However, before he leaves for school, they manage to quarrel at least three times.

“Find a problem for yourself” is a popular desire among people with ADD. The emotional jolt caused by worry releases chemicals that keep the brain active.

Such a person may not be aware that the brain makes him look for new and new problems, create illusory "opponents" and constantly fight windmills. This endless process robs us of any joy that could be obtained from life.

How to fight?

Do not respond to attacks, that is, it does not become a stimulant of contradictions. It is very important not to feed the conflict, but to drown it out. The more someone tries to unbalance you, the more calm and unruffled you should remain.

As a rule, conflict people get used to the fact that they can knock you out of balance. They know all your vulnerable spots, which they hit more or less regularly.

Responding with a cry for a cry or pressure for pressure, we only encourage aggressive behavior. When we stop reacting negatively, with lectures, threats, or, worst of all, with corporal punishment, the aggressive behavior of the quarrelers subsides. The same applies to dealing with hyperactive children.

Don't give in to provocations

So, when dealing with someone who is looking for a fight, stick to the following principles:

• Do not Cry
• The louder the other person speaks, the quieter you are.
• If you feel that the situation is getting out of hand, take a break. Say that you need to go to the toilet. In this case, most likely, the person will not hold you back.
• Try to resolve the dispute with a joke. But do not confuse humor with sarcasm or malicious ridicule.
• Listen carefully
• Say you want to understand and work on the current situation

Whenever you feel like shouting, stop and address the other person in a low voice. In this way, you will break the habit of scandals and reduce the negative pressure. At first, your "vis-a-vis" will give out a very violent reaction, as if they were deprived of their favorite toy. In the short term, things can only get worse, and it will seem to you that all your efforts are in vain.

However, don't give up. In the end, stereotypes will begin to break down, a person will change, and the situation will improve.