Speech is the main means of communication between people. But modern communication is not limited to the banal transmission of information. At the moment, communication has acquired a mass of conventions and formalities and has turned into a real culture. The duty of each person is to follow the rules of dialogue.

Structure

Dialogue is mutual communication, the meaning of which is the successive replicas of the interlocutors. The study of the rules for constructing a dialogue should begin with an analysis of its structure, which is shown in the table.

Laws of the rhetoric of dialogue

To understand what rules of dialogue you should try to adhere to, you need to study the basic laws of communication. Here's what it's all about:

• The law of resistance to the new. Any non-standard idea that differs from the usual beliefs, as a rule, is perceived with hostility. Therefore, if you want to emerge victorious from an argument, you must develop a clear and convincing system of argument. You must think in advance of the reaction of the interlocutors to your speech.
• The law of dialogic socialization. Its essence is that you must always respond to the speaker. Even if at the moment you are busy or are making a speech yourself, you should be distracted, listen to your opponent and give him an answer.
• The law of the boundary conditions of invention. The classical rules of dialogue involve taking into account cultural and national traditions. The outcome of the conversation largely depends on compliance with the conditions of rhetorical invention.
• The law of elimination of harm. Listening to the opinion of the interlocutor, you should think in advance what negative consequences the adoption of this point of view can lead to.

Terms of the dialogue

It would seem that it could be easier than a conversation between two people. However, in order for communication to be productive, it is necessary to follow numerous rules for conducting a dialogue. But, first of all, the conditions must be met, without which the conversation is impossible. Namely:

• It is important that the interlocutors use the same verbal and non-verbal techniques. Otherwise, there will be confusion and misunderstanding, which can develop into a conflict.
• General subject of discussion. This is a set of issues on which there may be a contradiction or agreement between the interlocutors.
• Desire or need for communication. There should be an emotional and informational response between the interlocutors.
• Cooperation. Participants in the dialogue should be able to listen to each other and give appropriate answers to the questions posed.
• Freedom. Each of the sides of the dialogue is free in beliefs, statements and arguments. And yet, physical or moral pressure, as well as threats and insults, are unacceptable.

General rules

The rules of dialogue in Russian and other languages ​​of the world may differ somewhat. However, there are general points that must be observed, no matter where in the world you are:

• You need to listen more than talk. Speech "narcissism" is unacceptable. You must carefully listen and analyze the arguments of the interlocutor.
• Prepare a dialogue. Before you go to a meeting with the interlocutor, sketch out a rough conversation program and a list of questions that you plan to ask. If you roughly understand what the interlocutor will ask you, think over your answers.
• Take turns speaking. Remember that in dialogue the interlocutors are equal. First, it is unacceptable to interrupt an opponent. Secondly, too long monologues are considered bad form.
• Think before you say something. Sometimes what seems trifling to you can upset or offend the interlocutor. Naturally, after this constructive dialogue will not work.
• Do not devote interlocutors to your problems or joys. Your personal life should remain outside the office door (conference room, restaurant, and so on). It is also forbidden to ask the interlocutor questions of a personal nature.

Question Requirements

The rules for conducting a dialogue can be detailed by putting forward certain requirements for its components. In particular, the question must comply with the following parameters:

• The wording of the question should be short and specific without complex grammatical constructions.
• The question should contain temporal, spatial and other parameters that must be taken into account when formulating the answer.
• It is unacceptable to use polysemantic words in questions without additional explanation.
• It is unacceptable for control questions to follow immediately after the main ones.
• The question should indicate the possibility of alternative answers.
• The interrogative sentence must be formulated in the affirmative, not in the negative form.
• It is unacceptable to get difficult or emotionally intense questions at the beginning of a conversation. They should follow after the installation ones.
• The wording of the question should take into account the personal experience of respondents in this particular industry.
• Related questions should be combined into thematic blocks, and not announced randomly. This can confuse the conversation.

Answer Requirements

The rules for conducting a dialogue imply some requirements for answering a question. Here are the most significant points:

• The answer should be clear and unambiguous with concise wording.
• The answer should reduce the uncertainty associated with the question, not increase it. Otherwise, the dialogue will be meaningless and unproductive.
• If the question is incorrectly posed, the answer should contain an indication of this fact.
• The answer cannot be formulated in a question form.

How to win the verbal "fight"

One of the most authoritative publications on the rules of dialogue in Russian is Povarnin's book “Dispute. On the theory and practice of the dispute "(1918 release). It contains the following recommendations for those who want to emerge victorious from the dispute:

• In a dispute, you need to be proactive (especially if you are the one who sets the topic of the conversation). It is important to be able to force the interlocutor to conduct a debate according to your scenario.
• Don't defend, but advance. Instead of passively answering the interlocutor's questions, ask questions yourself, forcing him to be defensive.
• Don't let your opponent evade evidence. Each thought must be argued, which can be achieved with the help of criticism.
• Concentrate your activity on the weakest links in your opponent's argument system.
• To refute the arguments of the enemy, use his own techniques. They can be identified in the process of dialogue.
• Use the effect of surprise. For example, save the most important and unexpected arguments for the end of the argument.
• Take the floor at the end of an argument. After listening to the arguments of the opponent, you will better formulate the speech.

Golden rules for dialogue in business communication

Success in the business world depends not only on your professional knowledge, but also on your ability to communicate with people. There are such golden rules for conducting a dialogue in business communication:

• Don't start the conversation with business matters. Start with a warm welcome and talk about more general topics (weather, art, sports, etc.). Otherwise, you will automatically put yourself in a "begging" position, allowing your opponent to dominate.
• Do not give advice unless you are asked for it. If you offer the interlocutor your own model for solving the problem, this may offend the interlocutor. He may think that you are underestimating his abilities.
• Don't ask direct uncomfortable questions. If you still need such information, go from afar so as not to embarrass your opponent.
• Stimulate the activity of the conversation. End each of your remarks with a question like "What do you think about this?". This will avoid awkward silence. In addition, by doing this you will show respect for the opinion
• Add some humor. If you feel like the dialogue is heating up, add a little wit to the conversation to give both yourself and your opponent a break.

Public Speaking Rules

Sometimes you have to convey your point of view not to one interlocutor, but to a large audience. In this case, you should familiarize yourself with the rules for conducting a dialogue in public speaking. Here are the main ones:

• Take care of your appearance. Before you start listening to the report, the audience will pay attention to how you look. Therefore your appearance should be neat and fully appropriate to the situation. This is especially important if you are not representing yourself personally, but the whole organization.
• Speak to the point. Empty talk and lyrical digressions are unacceptable. Firstly, they annoy the listeners, and secondly, they divert the attention of the audience from the main problem.
• Respect the listener. With all your appearance, you should radiate goodwill. Also, do not impose your opinion on the audience, considering it the only correct one.
• Present information in an accessible way. Speak in simple language, not overloaded with technical terms.
• Be confident. A trembling voice, inappropriate gestures and other signs of excitement will not inspire confidence in the audience.
• Don't use long complex phrases. The optimal sentence length is no more than thirteen words.
• Don't delay your presentation. As practice shows, even the most skillful speaker cannot hold the attention of the audience for longer than 15-20 minutes. Try to keep up with this time.

Rules for conducting dialogue in a conflict situation

Unfortunately, the conversation does not always take place in partnership and friendly tones. When tension arises between opponents, it becomes more difficult to follow the rules of etiquette, the dialogue can escalate into a conflict. To avoid trouble, follow these rules:

• Give your opponent a chance to let off steam. If you feel that the interlocutor is tense, do not interrupt him, let him speak. This will help restore the peaceful tone of the dialogue.
• Don't confuse facts with emotions. Clearly substantiate all your claims, based on objective data. Never get personal.
• Respond to aggression in the opposite way. If your partner flared up, do not answer him in the same way. It is better to politely sympathize with his troubles or ask for advice.
• Try to end the dispute peacefully. Even if you are at the peak of emotional stress, do not shout, do not be rude, and do not slam the door. So you will have a better chance of constructively continuing the conversation after a while.
• Do not make claims personally to the interlocutor. It is permissible to express dissatisfaction with the current situation, but not with an opponent.

Features of scientific discussion

The rules for conducting a scientific dialogue are somewhat different from secular or business conversation. Here are some recommendations to follow in this case:

• Before jumping into a scientific discussion, consider whether you really have something to say. There is no point in repeating well-known facts.
• Speak only to the point. Do not try to increase the competitiveness of your hypothesis by hurting your opponent's personality or refuting his opinion.
• Speak constructively. Ideally, each statement should be supported by real examples or references to the work of reputable researchers.

More about the art of communication

Compliance with the rules of constructive dialogue allows you to build productive relationships with opponents. To always emerge victorious from an argument, use some of the subtleties of the art of communication:

• Take breaks. Do not try to give out all the information in one gulp. Divide your speech into semantic blocks, between which make short pauses. This is necessary so that the interlocutor has time to perceive the information.
• Put yourself in the place of your opponent. When planning your speech, think about whether your interlocutor will understand what exactly you want to convey to him.
• Give preference to live communication. Try to avoid solving serious issues by phone, video call or in the format of correspondence.
• Use unobtrusive gestures. Thanks to this opponent, it will be more interesting to listen to you, he will better perceive the information. But talking to an immobilized "statue" is not at all interesting.
• Follow your tone. The volume of the voice should be such that the interlocutor does not have to listen. At the same time, you should not shout too much so that the opponent does not perceive it as aggression.
• Don't be afraid to ask again. If you do not understand or hear something, do not hesitate to ask for clarification on this point. If this is not done, confusion may arise, which will make it much more difficult to achieve mutual understanding.
• The style of speech should be appropriate to the place. In business and secular conversation, it is unacceptable to use household jargon. At the same time, it is bad form to use specific terms or ornate speech constructions in an informal conversation.
• Make eye contact. If you look around, and not in the eyes of the interlocutor, the atmosphere will not become trusting.
• Call the person by their first name. This bribes him and forces him to take your side.
• Be yourself. Do not renounce your image in order to please the interlocutor.

Any conversation should take into account conversation rules. As a rule, human communication is subject to a rule, quite often unwritten. Previously, conversation was considered an art, but today many have already forgotten the basic rules of conversation. It is worth remembering some of these rules.

Usually, conversation has a goal: people never communicate with someone "just like that." Even when the conversation is “about nothing”, it is done not just because there is nothing to do, but so that you can get the most out of communicating with a specific person, if we talk about the “diplomatic goals of the conversation”, then it is conducted in order to support with the interlocutor good relationship.

The main rules of conversation are quite simple, but for some reason many people often forget them. The more people who participate in the conversation, the more difficult it is to follow these rules.

If you want to enter into a conversation that is already in full swing, do not rush. First you need to listen, understand the essence of the conversation, and only after that you can decide whether your participation in this conversation is appropriate.

If you decide start the conversation first, you should carefully choose a topic: it must be of interest to all those present, or to the majority. In unfamiliar companies, it is better not to talk about religion and politics, raise family topics, the topic of conversation should not be personal or controversial.

Conversation rules require the ability not only to talk, but also to listen to the interlocutor. Since several people are involved in the conversation, everyone should be able to speak. The conversation should not become a monologue, so you need to take care of yourself.

When someone asks you a question, you should not answer in monosyllables, since these answers often discourage the desire to continue the conversation, as they demonstrate a complete lack of your interest. Even if you have absolutely nothing to answer, try to expand your answer a little so that it is not so jerky.

If the conversation does not go well at all, it is worth trying to defuse the tense situation with a joke. Jokes must be chosen carefully, especially when in unfamiliar company, since there is always a risk that your humor may offend someone present. Avoid ambiguous jokes about certain groups (professions, nationalities). If a joke causes at least a fraction of doubt, you should not joke.

During the conversation, controversial issues may also be raised, or some disagreements may arise. No matter how strong the desire to defend your own point of view was, you should not lose respect for your interlocutor. Of course, you do not need to give up your own opinion, but you need to object delicately and unobtrusively, while avoiding personal attacks and harsh expressions. No need to impose your opinion and make fun of other people's opinions.

When talking, you should follow the speech. You should try to refrain from specific slang, rarely used words, professional jargon, which may be incomprehensible to those present. And, of course, no rudeness. Much depends, first of all, on who you are talking to, whether it is a company of close friends, but you should not forget about the most elementary rules of decency.

Conducting any conversation obeys a certain fundamental principle that applies in any situation: you do not need to tell the interlocutor what you would not want to hear yourself. The conversation must be built on mutual respect, and only if this condition is met, all interlocutors will be satisfied with the conversation, as well as with each other.

When talking with someone, do not forget conversation rules.

8. Rules for conducting a business conversation. Speech etiquette

After the introduction, as a sign of establishing an acquaintance, it is customary to exchange a few phrases or engage in a short conversation. It is at this moment that your interlocutor, possibly a potential partner, forms the first impression of you, and how it will be, how you present yourself, will certainly affect your future relationships.

A business conversation includes the exchange of opinions and information and does not involve the conclusion of contracts or the development of binding decisions. It can have an independent character, precede negotiations or be an integral part of them.

When forming a person's first impression of his interlocutor, the manner of speaking is the second most important thing after the manner of dressing, to which a person pays attention. Therefore, so much attention is paid to the study of the ethics and psychology of negotiation processes, which include both the tone of the conversation and its content, and the manner of speaking, tact and the ability to argue.

The ability to support and start a conversation plays an important role in all spheres of human activity.

There are certain rules for conducting both secular and business conversations.

The tone of the conversation should be fluid and natural. The tone of the conversation is also of great importance, as are gestures, posture, and demeanor. By the tone of the conversation, one can judge the mood of a person; it also reflects the character of a person, showing with whom we are dealing: with an educated or ill-mannered person. The same word or phrase, depending on how it is said, can affect your interlocutor in different ways. The tone should always be polite, calm, confident, or even businesslike, but never rude or impolite. And neither social position, nor experienced trouble or poor health give you the right to be impolite with others.

Confidential intonation is especially effective for the disposition of the interlocutor, this makes it possible for your interlocutor to feel on an equal footing with you. In purely business conversations or negotiations, the tone should be more restrained and clear. The speech should not be too loud, but every word in the conversation should be distinct and clear to the interlocutor, otherwise he may lose interest in communicating with you. Elegance in conversation is achieved through clarity, accuracy and conciseness of the arguments and considerations expressed. During the conversation, it is necessary to maintain self-control, good humor and benevolence.

In order for communication to be effective, we have to express our ideas, thoughts, and feelings to those with whom we communicate, but we must allow our interlocutors to also express their ideas, thoughts, and feelings. Being able to listen is as necessary a condition for a polite and well-mannered person as being able to speak, and if you want to be listened to, you need to listen to others yourself.

The ability to listen is an important element of both business and social conversation. Learning to listen correctly is much more difficult than learning to speak correctly. Everyone wants to communicate with a person who knows how to listen, because people tend to talk more than listen.

The exchange of information is the first condition of any conversation, one of the prerequisites for acquaintance and further communication. To maintain a conversation, it is advisable to ask open-ended questions: what? where? when? as? why? - to which it is impossible to answer "yes" or "no", but a detailed answer is required with the necessary details. If there is a need to concretize the conversation and narrow the topic of discussion, then closed-type questions are asked: should I? was it? is there? will it? Such questions require a one-word answer.

There are certain general rules that it is advisable to follow when conducting conversations in a business and informal setting.

The main rule of conversation, which the interlocutors must observe, is expressed in the ability to speak in accordance with the situation and the specific subject of the conversation. The inability to keep the interlocutor's attention arises because your words do not have internal power, charge, do not accurately reflect the essence of the conversation, or the information you communicate is redundant, burdens and distracts attention from what constitutes the subject of the conversation. Only economical and complete information can satisfy a partner. The conversation should take place freely, at a good pace. You need to speak in such a way that each participant in the conversation has the opportunity to easily enter into a conversation and express their opinion. It is unacceptable to attack someone else's point of view with vehemence and impatience, and, expressing your opinion, you cannot defend it, getting excited and raising your voice, because calmness and firmness in intonations act more convincingly.

In society, one should not start talking about oneself until specifically asked, because only very close friends can be interested in the personal affairs of someone. Try not to touch on purely personal or family topics, you should not raise too sharp and painful questions, you should also not hint at things of a delicate nature. Excessive frankness can be easily interpreted as talkativeness, and a talkative person quickly loses the trust and interest of others. You should also not touch on highly professional topics that are not of interest to the majority of those present.

The topic of conversation should, if possible, be of interest to all participants. To continue the conversation with unfamiliar people, you can start a conversation, being interested in his opinion about the latest films, performances, concerts, exhibitions, etc. This will not only overcome embarrassment, but also determine the circle of interests of the interlocutor. As a rule, no one is left indifferent to the discussion of topical political issues, new discoveries and inventions, novelties in literature and technology, etc.

The range of issues discussed can be wide, but it is still better to talk about topics where you feel confident, but taking into account that it will be interesting to your interlocutor. Never get lost in front of the interlocutor, be attentive and friendly, and your interest in the conversation will certainly cause a favorable reaction. Please note: to be an interesting interlocutor, you need to become "well-informed", that is, to have an idea about the latest news in politics, understand music, films, sports.

Strict care must be taken not to allow tactless statements (criticism of religious beliefs, national characteristics, etc.).

Under no circumstances should you interrupt the speaker. Only in extreme cases can a delicate remark be made without offending the interlocutor, using expressions such as: “Sorry for interrupting you, but I would like to add ...”, “Sorry, but I disagree with you ...”, “It seems to me that you wrong…” or “I have a different opinion.” Do not get annoyed if the interlocutor starts to object. Speak calmly, slowly and clearly, while looking into the eyes of the interlocutor.

It is customary, interrupting the conversation, to briefly acquaint the new interlocutor who has approached you with what was said before his arrival. A tactful and polite interlocutor conducts a conversation with all those present, without giving a clear preference to anyone.

It is unacceptable in conversations to talk about the weaknesses of others, to slander or support slander against those who are absent. The shortcomings and weaknesses of others are not discussed in society - this is considered bad form. And when third parties are mentioned in a conversation, it is necessary to call them by their first and middle names, and not by their last names.

During a conversation, you should not show that the conversation is not interesting for you, boring or tiring you. It is also indecent to look the other way or at your watch unless you are about to end the conversation. The ability to end the conversation well is also of great importance for the further continuation of the acquaintance. This must be done decisively, but politely, so as not to offend the interlocutor. If the conversation is exhausted, there is no need to frantically search for new topics, trying to keep the interlocutor, it is better to try to consolidate the good impression made by saying goodbye with dignity. It would be appropriate here: “It was nice to meet you!”, “I hope to continue our acquaintance”, “We definitely need to meet again and continue the conversation!”, “It was very nice to talk with you!” etc.

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Business conversation is the main and most important element of management activity. In fact, the conversation is the most efficient and cheapest form of information exchange. The item “ability to talk with people” (with colleagues, manager, representatives of partner companies) is included in any list of the main business qualities of a manager.

Business conversation features are different:

• initiation of promising activities and processes;
• control and coordination of already started activities and processes;
• information exchange;
• mutual communication of employees from the same business environment;
• maintaining business contacts at the level of organizations, associations, industries and entire states (joint ventures, etc.); search, promotion and operational development of working ideas and plans;
• stimulating the movement of human thought in new directions.

The art of business conversation can and should be learned. In the West, there is a profession of "talkers" who believe that a special technique for conducting business conversations allows in 7 cases out of 10 to achieve complete success, and in the rest - a fairly good result.

Here are three conditions for a successful business conversation:

• the ability to interest your interlocutor, to convince him that this business conversation is useful to both;
• creation of an atmosphere of mutual trust during the meeting;
• skillful use of methods of suggestion and persuasion in the transmission of information.

A conversation is unlikely to succeed if it is not prepared. First, you should consider the goals, objectives, tactics and psychology of the upcoming business contact, then select the necessary supporting materials that may be useful during the conversation.

Before starting a conversation, you need to decide what questions and in what sequence to put before your interlocutor. It is advisable to prepare a list of them in writing and put it in front of you during the conversation. The presentation of questions on a piece of paper allows you to outline the area of ​​\u200b\u200bconversation and, accordingly, the right time, to strengthen the logicality and purposefulness of the conversation; provide their own psychological confidence.

Business communication experts advise in the process of preparing for a conversation to think about how to behave if the interlocutor: agrees with you in everything or strongly objects; will switch to a raised tone or will not respond to your arguments; will distrust your words, thoughts or try to hide his distrust.

• engage in a conversation on a business topic on the go in the hallway;
• start a conversation with phrases like “Listen, I want to talk to you”, “Do you have a few minutes? I have business with you”, “It's good that we met. I have been planning to talk to you for a long time,” etc.;
• behave in such a way that the interlocutor understands that he was not expected;
• combine conversation with other forms of work (talking on the phone, viewing papers, preparing for some other business, etc.).

They say that the fate of a business conversation is decided in the first 10 minutes. Experts advise to carefully prepare the first question: it should be short, interesting, but not debatable. This will determine the positive emotional tone of the interlocutors.

Voice

It is very important to develop a beautiful, expressive voice. A person whose speech is slurred constantly has to be asked again, and this always causes irritation.

In verbal communication, almost 40% of success comes from the voice. Therefore, mastering the technique of speech with the correct speech breathing and voice, with clear and correct diction (pronunciation) is the first step to a successful performance, and hence to influencing people. An unpleasant voice can cross out all the advantages of the speaker, and, conversely, a beautiful voice fascinates, distracts from the shortcomings.

Business language

In business communication is now firmly established metalanguage, i.e. subtext language. Words themselves do not carry emotional content, and you can understand what the interlocutor really means by thinking about the subtext, the circumstances of the conversation and the way the interlocutor uses individual words. For example, the word "my" indicates the emotional involvement of the speaker. Compare "my boss" and just "boss": the first expression shows the emotional connection between the employee and the manager, and the word "boss", on the contrary, demonstrates the distance between them. Of the two phrases “he told me” or “he talked to me”, the first indicates that there was just a neutral conversation, perhaps even with some negative connotation, and the second that there was a mutual conversation, which, most likely, had a positive effect on this person and will give him the results he needs. This means that the words “I need to tell you something” immediately erect a barrier between the interlocutors, and the words “I need to talk to you” call for cooperation.

If you notice such "speaking" statements in the metalanguage of your interlocutor, also switch to this language. So, one day negotiations in the company almost broke down because one of the participants dryly stated: “It seems that our paths have diverged.” Such a phrase is not at all from the business world (lovers or friends can say so), but the negotiators realized in time that the author of this phrase was emotionally and personally involved in the negotiation process. Then one of the participants in the discussion spoke in his metalanguage: instead of a faceless financial approach (the language of facts and figures), he chose the right tactics of a confidential personal conversation. As a result, the outcome of the negotiations satisfied both sides.

Separate metawords often signal that the interlocutor seeks to hide the truth or direct the conversation in the wrong direction: “to be honest”, “in fact”, “in truth”, “to be sincere”, “undoubtedly”, etc. If they tell you this, they are probably trying to deceive you. For example, the phrase "In fact, this product is the best that I can offer you from the entire range" should be understood as: "This product is not the best offer, but I hope you still believe me."

However, many people use these words in the literal sense, not at all wanting to deceive the interlocutor, but, on the contrary, so that he would quickly believe that they are honest and sincere with him. This is a bad habit for business communication, since these words are subconsciously perceived by interlocutors as a signal of deception.

If at the end of a phrase, a question, you insert words like “really?”, “Really?”, “Yes?”, “Right?”, Then they will show the interlocutor that you misunderstand the topic of the conversation. This may not be true, but that is how your words will be perceived. You have to control your speech.

The words “only”, “only” are spoken by someone who seeks to reduce the importance of his words or is afraid to show his true feelings, or deliberately wants to deceive (“amazingly low prices: only 999 rubles!”), Or tries to relieve himself of responsibility (“ I'm only human."

The words “I will try”, “I will do my best” are typical for those who are used to failure. They expect in advance that they will not succeed in the task assigned, as happened to them more than once, and their words translated from the metalanguage mean: "I doubt whether I can do it."

“I just wanted to help” is a phrase of gossipers and generally those who like to interfere in other people's affairs. Here the word "simply" is used to weaken the intent of the intervention. Other similar phrases are: "Don't get me wrong" (meaning "You won't like what I say, but I don't care"), "It's not about the money, it's about the principle" (although "it's only about the money"). “We will try”, “we will make every effort”, “we will see what can be done” - these are the phrases leaders of organizations and government officials see off their visitors.

The words “of course”, “of course” are followed by a seemingly absolutely normal sentence. This technique is used in negotiations to force the partner to agree to the proposal under discussion: “Of course, we will not force you to meet these deadlines,” but they will definitely force you to do just that.

The phrase “Have you heard of...” suggests the usual cliché response of the interlocutor: “No.” Further, the phrases will probably go: “Do you know what he told me?” - "No, and what?"; "Imagine what happened next..." - "What?" If such a question is answered not with a cliche phrase, but with the following: “No, I’m not interested either,” then it is very likely that he will not pay attention to these words and will continue his story.

If the speaker wants to sound witty, he will never ask the audience: "Have you heard this joke ..." Instead, he uses the technique of professional speakers: "This reminded me of the following incident ..." and will tell an old joke that will eventually be accepted very fresh.

The expression "What do you think about ..." is always aimed at getting the listener to agree with the speaker's point of view. If we take a counter step here: “What an interesting question. And what do you think about this yourself? ”This will allow not only to avoid a possible conflict (if the opposite “correct” point of view was expressed), but also to attract the sympathy of the interlocutor.

Instead of saying: "Why don't we ..." and "What if we ...", suggest: "Let's wave to the beach (we'll go to the mountains, go to a cafe ...)" Then your interlocutor there will be no time to come up with a reason for refusing the question “why not” (the human brain is so arranged that it begins to look for a direct answer to a direct question).

The words “I don’t want to show myself ...”, as a rule, are accompanied by a description of the true feelings of the speaker. For example: “I don’t want to seem rude” - it means that the interlocutor will turn out to be rude.

If during a dispute (or a more civilized business discussion) one of the opponents says: “That's it, the topic is closed”, “Let's leave this useless conversation!”, “Forget about it!”, “I've already heard enough!”, Then all these phrases themselves “shouting”: “I am no longer in control of the situation.” And the enemy will soon lose the argument (Table 7.1).

Table 7.1. The most common phrases in the metalanguage

Phrase in metalanguage	Translation
I don't think you should, but...	Do it!
Business is business	This is how I justify my (others') unethical actions.
I have a business approach	I will squeeze all the juice out of you
Let's not beat around the bush	Now I will give you a deliberately unreasonable and difficult task.
Maybe you will be interested to know...	I'm smarter, wiser and better informed than you.
Let's look at it from the other side	you are distorting the facts
Why don't we have lunch sometime?	Let's be mutually polite - agree; but it is unlikely that we are going to dine in this century
Somehow	I hope never

Here is a typical dialogue between a leader and a subordinate:

Subordinate: Boss, I don't want you to think that I'm complaining (complaint), but (confirmation of the contradiction), as you know (sn exclusivity), I haven't received a raise in two years. With all due respect to you (I don’t respect you at all), I want to ask you to consider my question.

Supervisor: You may be interested to know (I'm smarter) that I have already considered this issue (past tense) and in general (we will not go into details) your work suited me quite well (past tense), but (contradiction) you should (do as I tell you) wait (the decision is delayed). I'll be around you (no!) what I'll think (your problem doesn't deserve to be thought about) and tell you how to make your work more productive (if you're not capable yourself).

As a result, the employee leaves, reassuring himself that he made an attempt, although he did not count on success, and the manager says to himself: “Business is business!”

The existence of a metalanguage of communication must be taken into account when building your own standard phrases and using clichés and replace them with such phrases that will contribute to effective communication. In this case, you need to develop the ability to correctly interpret the words of the interlocutor. For example, how do you interpret the following sentence: “I know you think you understand what I have said. But I'm not sure that you realize that what I said is not what I meant ... "

Conversation is a mutual conversation, sociable speech between people, their verbal communication, the exchange of feelings and thoughts in words. (Dictionary of V.I. Dahl). In other words, it is a direct, or open, dialogue. The speaker and the listener constantly change places, and everyone must match their words with the statements of the interlocutor, and since someone else's thought is not predictable, the answer has to be given impromptu, which gives the speech a pronounced discursive (search) character. In this regard, it is more difficult to plan a conversation than a monologue. It is all the more important to be able to prepare for a responsible conversation.

In the genre of conversation, two main strategies of speech behavior are distinguished - egoistic and altruistic.

In an egoistic strategy, the interlocutors - one, both or several - turn the dialogue into a monologue or a series of parallel monologues, where everyone listens only to themselves, pursuing the speech goal of speaking out, declaring themselves, and dominating. In the altruistic strategy, a genuine dialogue is carried out, respect for the interlocutor is shown, a desire to understand his thoughts and his personality, the ability to listen, readiness for a joint search for truth and a reasonable compromise, the absence of excessive categoricalness in the content and form of statements.

Seven types of conversation are determined: casual friendly conversation, problematic conversation, introductory conversation, secular or salon conversation, business conversation, informational conversation, table conversation.

There are certain rules of persuasion if the interlocutor needs to convey information so that he accepts it.

The first rule of persuasion (Homer's rule) - the order of the arguments given affects their persuasiveness. The following order of arguments is most convincing: strong - medium - one strongest. From this rule it follows that it is better not to use weak arguments.

The second rule (the rule of Socrates) - to get a positive decision on a very important issue for you, put it in third place, giving him two short, simple questions for the interlocutor, to which he will easily say “yes” to you. It has been established that when a person says or hears “no”, the hormones of norepinephrine enter his bloodstream, setting him up to fight. On the contrary, the word "yes" leads to the release of morphine-like substances - "pleasure hormones" (endorphins). The third rule (Pascal's rule) - do not drive the interlocutor into a corner. Give him a chance to save face. Often the interlocutor does not agree with us only because consent is somehow associated in his mind with the loss of his dignity. Pascal's words "nothing so disarms as the terms of an honorable surrender" is the best way to tell what is at stake here. The fourth rule of persuasion is that the persuasiveness of arguments largely depends on the image and status of the persuader. The fifth rule - do not drive yourself into a corner, do not belittle your status. The sixth rule of persuasion - do not belittle the status and image of the interlocutor. Any manifestation of disrespect, disregard for the interlocutor is an attack on his status and usually causes a negative reaction. The seventh rule of persuasion is that we treat the arguments of a pleasant interlocutor with indulgence, and we treat the arguments of an unpleasant one critically. That is, a person who does not inspire respect cannot count on trust. The eighth rule - wanting to convince the interlocutor, do not start with the moments that separate you, but with what you agree with him. The ninth rule of persuasion is to show empathy for the interlocutor (empathy is the ability to comprehend the emotional state of another person in the form of empathy). The tenth rule of persuasion is to be a good listener. The eleventh rule - avoid conflictogens. Conflictogens - words, actions (or inaction) that can lead to conflict. The twelfth rule of persuasion is to check if you understand each other correctly. The thirteenth rule, watch the facial expressions, gestures and postures - yours and the interlocutor. Often we do not know what the listener really thinks about our words. Our interlocutors are not always frank. The fourteenth rule - show that what you offer satisfies any of the needs of the interlocutor. According to A. Maslow, human needs are distinguished: physiological (food, water, sleep, housing, health, etc.);

in safety, confidence in the future; belong to any community (family, group of friends, team, etc.); in respect, recognition; in self-realization, realization of their potential; spiritual needs.