Advice for parents.

The main problem of the relationship between parents and children.

Parents always strive to impose on their child a certain line of behavior that is most consistent with their principles and ideals, but such a policy does not often lead to the desired result. Children cannot indulge their parents in everything, since each person is individual and has the right to his own point of view.

We cannot copy anyone, including our parents. The most we can do to be like them is to choose the same path in life.

Sometimes people become military men, like their fathers, grandfathers, great-grandfathers. Some follow in the footsteps of their ancestors and become doctors, musicians, mathematicians...

This must be the ideal option for parents, but this is far from a frequent case. The problem of mutual understanding between parents and children is born at an early stage of education.

Young children crave "download rights" no less than teenagers. True, at this stage of their lives they only try to "show their teeth", as if testing the real boundaries of what is permitted.

And all their manifestations of love of freedom come down to ordinary stubbornness. The danger of this period of "generation gap" is that impatient parents reduce all their educational efforts to primitive obedience.

And children are simply "broken" in order to force them not to be capricious, and in the end - not to have their own opinion. I remember how, as a child, I fell in love with one doll, and I begged my mother to buy it.

She did not want to, saying: "You already have a lot of toys." Well, is it really impossible to understand that no more toys are needed, except for this curly doll in a pink dress ?!

Like most preschool children, the word “no” was followed by a tantrum. AT this case the parent has two methods of struggle: punish and put in a corner, saying that there will be no gifts at all for such behavior, or try to explain that the child will definitely receive the desired doll on the next holiday, as my mother did.

However, one cannot always adhere to one reaction to the child's behavior, otherwise there is a risk of either scaring and suppressing, or spoiling and thereby blurring the line of what is acceptable. Then the child goes to school, and now adults are trying to make the children be responsible.

Lessons, preparation for various school events - all this is now predominantly a child's concern. Parents, on the other hand, are trying to take on the role of a strict judge who evaluates the final result (deuce, reprimand in the diary, call to school, or, conversely, five, diploma).

While we children were in kindergarten, parents tried to control our every step. Now it’s as if the program has been changed in the computer: “You are big now.

You will wash the dishes, go to the store for bread, do your homework on your own ... "The problem is that this is not the best moment for a child to be baptized with independence.

The first few years of school are a time when parents need to be especially attentive, understanding and patient in order to help their child build new relationships with teachers and classmates. Moreover, it is very important to try not to be guardians, because this will make an infantile out of a child.

Everyone knows that excessive care and guardianship rarely leads to a good result: the child is deprived of the opportunity to think independently, make decisions and achieve goals without outside help. Blind, unreasonable maternal love “hammers” a child, makes a person an immoral consumer or an ambitious careerist.

From childhood, his parents do everything for him, saying: "Don't worry, we will solve the problem." He is told that it is not worth overexerting himself, because he does not have enough strength, time, experience and knowledge.

The roots of distrust lie in childhood itself: weak legs - if he falls, frail hands - he will not hold. And few people think about the fact that children with age can surpass their parents in strength and experience.

It is possible, after all, that thirty-year-old Kirill would have had a different career if he had been able to boldly and decisively say “no” and make decisions independently, without fear. By caring for children, parents, among other things, cover their own interests.

The constant stories of grandmothers in the yard give rise to a fear of being alone on old age years. Therefore, it is necessary to become indispensable for the child.

Parents constantly advise you, all their advice is correct, and you cannot live without them. Therefore, you must live with your parents and constantly take care of them, because when they are gone, you will not have rears and support.

Because of such an educational policy in adolescents, the desire to prove their relevance leads to the opposite effect. The child begins to move away, especially since the eternal oohs and sighs are infuriating.

Any confrontation with parents begins to cause irritation. You don’t want to, you curse yourself for such thoughts, but there is no strength to listen to the rehash of the same song for a different motive.

And you are accused of heartlessness. Yet the main core of the problem of "fathers and sons" remains one and the same thing: the desire for freedom.

Adolescence is the age when the desire for freedom exceeds all permitted "standards". I want to live to the fullest, getting the most impressions, while there is strength and opportunity.

This is the opinion of the majority of young people. But doesn't it have a right to exist?

Isn't it fair? In response to this, reproaches are often heard that the young are irresponsible and do not think about the future.

But parents, have you forgotten your youth? Yes, she passed independently and in public work, and you did not have such opportunities.

So why should the younger generation give up pleasures for themselves, and deserve only the accusation of selfishness? By constantly giving advice and lecturing children, parents forget that the child can have his own opinion.

And if the child is also not shy about expressing this opinion, which is contrary to the “ideal”, this inevitably leads to conflicts and misunderstanding. The point is only how the parents themselves will react to these conflicts, whether they will be able to understand the child and help him, direct him in the right direction flexibly, and without any pressure.

Of course, it is foolish to argue that the accusations of elders of selfishness, laziness and inaction are groundless, rather the opposite. The problem is that most teenagers misunderstand the expression "live for today", indulging in revelry and forgetting about the family, preferring momentary pleasures.

It often happens that a child gets into bad company, and from this all the ensuing consequences. The teenager begins to smoke, abandons school, often disappears in the evenings and indulges in drugs.

In this case, the teenager seeks to get maximum pleasure, without making any effort at all and justifying himself with the fact that "you were young - now it's our turn." Undoubtedly, this becomes the cause of quarrels, misunderstandings and discord in the family.

It is at this point that the reaction of parents to such behavior plays a huge role. It is not at all an option to shout, forbid communication and put under "house arrest".

This will cause exactly the opposite behavior. As the saying goes, forbidden fruit is sweet.

Perhaps thirteen-year-old Masha would not have taken a cigarette in her mouth if it had not been for her mother’s words: “Look at me: I’ll see you with a cigarette - it won’t seem enough!”. How to properly behave towards the child, how to fence him off from making irreparable mistakes?

In adolescence, children are still guided by adults, and much depends on the form of family relationships. In modern psychology, styles of family relationships are divided into three main ones: liberal, authoritarian and democratic.

The first of them usually manifests itself in the family as the absence of all sorts of relationships and is characterized by the detachment and alienation of the members of the family union from each other, their complete indifference to the affairs and feelings of the other. In terms of education, this usually finds its expression either in the acceptance by young men and girls of the same principles, or in their complete rejection of any assimilation of parental experience, alienation from their parents.

The other - authoritarian - is characterized by a peremptory and unceremonious attitude of family members, their cruelty, aggression, diktat, callousness and coldness towards each other. In such systems of relations, the desire for freedom becomes an end in itself for the child, that is, freedom for the sake of the opportunity to demonstrate one's freedom.

So there is a kind of "Riot on the ship" in the family. Finally, the democratic form of relationships presupposes cooperation, mutual assistance, a developed culture of feelings and emotions, as well as true and complete equality of all participants in the family union.

In families where there are trusting relationships between family members, the period of growing up is relatively calm. The atmosphere of love in the family is very important.

A person must be conceived in love, endured and born in love, and spend all his childhood in an atmosphere of love and mutual respect for people. A person deprived of this feeling is not able to respect his relatives, fellow citizens, the Motherland, to do good to people.

Conflict between fathers and children may also consist in the fact that the child may see something wrong in the behavior of the parents. It is worth hinting that the parents are far from perfect and themselves in this case acted incorrectly and made a mistake, as the answer is heard: “You are still too small to teach me.

No one has the right to reproach me - no one helped me!" Hmm ...

And why the child has no right to express his point of view? At the same time, parents stand in a pose of offended innocence, take offense at their children for callousness, and children at their parents for disrespecting their opinions.

Researchers of problems of family relationships have found that the greatest alienation between parents and children falls on the period from 17-18 to 27-28 years. During this period, having jumped out of the parental nest, the barely fledged "chicks" tend to completely fence themselves off from the elders.

They either do not take the advice of their parents, or imitate external consent, shun and avoid their company. It is during these ten years that children "learn from their mistakes", ignoring the experience of others.

For parents, this is the time when they feel the need to communicate with grown-up children as equals, which a few years ago their 12-15-year-old sons and daughters sought from them .. And only closer to thirty years old children, battered by life and taught by bitter experience, they begin to find a common language with their no longer young parents.

Thus, the root of the problem of generations is the difference in education based on certain moral and ethical standards, the values ​​of the corresponding time. It is not surprising that it is difficult for our grandmothers to get used to the current mores, to adapt to changing living conditions, because they were brought up at a different time, when there was no such universal desire for well-being and prosperity, when everyone was equal and still valued friendship and love more.

The older generation now claims that past values ​​have completely disappeared and others have appeared: wealth and prestige, and money is everything; what are Personal qualities like decency and kindness have replaced arrogance, rudeness, disrespect, that truth, shame, and morality have been lost. Maybe this is true?

The main range of modern problems of intergenerational relationships in our society is connected with Russian history and the transitional state of society itself. Changes in Russia lead to Conflict and a gap between generations.

The reforms that took place in Russia did not bring any improvements to the lives of older people; they slid down the status ladder. Today, few of the youth listen to the elderly, they are not taken into account, everyone acts in their own way, believing that the old people are “left in the past”.

Does this mean that they are simply not respected at all? The media further increase the gap between young people and the older generation, and this hinders their interaction.

If young people do not know their past, their foundations, adopt the experience of previous generations, then there will be no future, because it is impossible to build a life from scratch. It depends on young people what society will be like, that they must build a life for themselves and for their children.

Each society, each era develops a certain type of intergenerational relationship and certain mechanisms for the transmission of culture over time. A modern dynamic society sets problems, goals, ways of development for each new generation.

Here, the experience of previous generations cannot fully correspond to the tasks of the future. The image of each generation is formed.

Therefore, the inevitable problem is related to the attitude of each generation to the past, present and future. For Russia, this problem is especially relevant.

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The relationship between parents and children is a unique phenomenon of society that defies explanation and classification. The true prerequisites for the loss of mutual understanding are known only to the participants in the quarrel, therefore, others can only guess about the cause of conflicts in the family. In the clash of generations, it is important to be guided by one's own preferences and take into account the interests of the opposition. Different views on life and an incorrectly chosen model of education - communication disappears as quickly as children grow up.

However, the observations of psychologists involved in the restoration of disparate cells of society make it possible to dispassionately discuss the problem of relations between parents and children. The main thing is to correctly perceive the recommendations of professionals. You should keep in mind that the tips and communication formats below are complex information and require additional modifications. After reading the content of the article, correlate the material with your own situation, drawing the right conclusions.

Classification of relationships between parents and children

The formation of the character and worldview of the child directly depends on the behavioral patterns of mom and dad, which they plan to adhere to in the process of raising their offspring. Communication within the family is the foundation of the young consciousness, projecting the events taking place in the world around us onto the home “example”. Resentments and joys, habits and mental disorders are echoes of childhood that the baby is guided by throughout his life. In the 21st century, five types of relationships between parents and the younger generation are traditionally classified:

Dictatorship.

Mother and father are trying to gain total control over the life of the child, guided by good intentions. However, regardless of the cause-and-effect relationships, the result of overprotection is the appearance of a mental disorder in the baby. The offspring does not spend time with peers, is not left alone with his own thoughts, cannot choose and be guided by personal preferences. The fragile world of a maturing child is completely in the power of parents who deprive the child of a happy childhood.

Belief.

This model of adult behavior is comparable to tyranny or dictatorship. Parents who have not realized their own dreams in life are trying to send a child in their “footsteps” who is called to correct the mistakes of the mother and father. They do not take into account the desires and preferences of the baby, guided solely by personal interests. Often in such families, spouses decide on the type of activity of children at the moment when they are just thinking about conception.

Friendliness.

Mom and dad participate in the life of the baby, without depriving him of personal space. Freedom of action and the opportunity to seek the advice of an adult "friend" are the main advantages of this technique. Parents maintain friendly relations with their offspring without losing authority. They try to meet the interests of the younger generation, sharing the child's hobbies. The main thing is not to "play too much".

Insensitivity.

Regular reproaches and accusations are the main signs of this format of education. A child in such a family feels unwanted, superfluous. In situations that have happened, parents invariably find causal relationships between the baby and the events that have occurred. In the process of upbringing, the offspring does not encounter "love", "understanding" and "affection". A grown child often refuses to maintain relationships with parents, guided by the scale of resentment from childhood. Suspension of an angry child is the best solution to the problem, because some teenagers begin to avenge their spoiled youth.

Mentorship.

In such families, children can count on the recommendation of a wise person who will try to help, not reproach. The disobedience of the baby is punished, and independence is encouraged - such a model of communication is built on rationality and trust. Parents invariably participate in the offspring's life, trying to moderately control his behavior. Adults respect the choice of the child, who listens to the authoritative opinion of the mother and father.

How do you want to see your own offspring in years to come? Are you ready to notice in the eyes of the baby, unquenchable resentment and endless anger? Do you dream of hearing sincere words of gratitude from your child for a happy childhood? Complete mutual understanding and care for your beloved "old people" - are these your goals? The choice of a model for raising a child is the “key” to the future, to which only one door will open.

The main reasons for the disobedience of children

Severe behavioral disorders in children are the result of a mental disorder that could have appeared due to one of the following reasons:

Fight for attention.

In today's society, where adults spend an impressive amount of time at work, children are trying by any means to "get" their parents' free minutes. Toddlers don't realize that mom and dad are tired during the day. The child tries to attract attention with good deeds, but often no one responds to such actions. The only option that arises in the young mind is disobedience or a prank, after which parents will definitely devote their free time to raising their offspring.

Children make scandals, refuse to obey and propagate "revolutionary" sentiments for one reason - the desire to get rid of overprotection. Parents pay excessive attention to the baby, who is trying to show independence, so the “prank” becomes an expedient decision for the offspring. In keeping with youthful thinking, mom and dad need to understand the extent of the resentment of a child who is willing to go to extremes. “Favorite watch of a father who forbade meeting friends? Punish, but I will not put up with your opinion, ”the reasoning of the“ rebellious ”fidget.

Childish grievances that a child harbors throughout his life are a weighty argument for a teenager who decides to answer his parents with the same “coin”. If the baby was not allowed to communicate with peers, then he will disappear without demand for a long time in an unfamiliar company. The actions of the child belong to the format of relationships "contrary", where any action of the parents is perceived as wrong.

Loss of faith.

Regular criticism and endless prohibitions, an immense sense of guilt and a lack of understanding with parents are the reasons for becoming in the mind of a child. The kid, in whose success no one initially believes, despairs and decides to take things easier. Apathy to communicate with peers and the loss of parental authority, and the lack of desire for self-improvement are the result of an insensitive attitude of the mother and father to the offspring.

Implementation.

"Rebellion" against parental views is a prerequisite for changing one's own lifestyle, with which the young fidget is dissatisfied. Was the kid forced to enter the Suvorov School? Adults forced to learn to play the violin? Forcing a wife? Did the choice of professional activity take place without the participation of the offspring? A rebellion in the young mind will definitely arise - the only question is the scale of children's patience, which will one day end.

In order to identify the prerequisites for disobedience in your own offspring, it is important to pay attention to the feelings that arise in parents after the pranks of the child. If you feel anger inside, then the child will try to escape from hyper-custody. If you have a state of emptiness and endless loneliness, then the reason for the baby is seized by depressive thoughts. If you are annoyed by the actions of the child, then he consciously draws attention to himself. If, after the next “trick” of the young fidget, you are seized with resentment, then the baby takes revenge, wanting to specifically harm mom and dad.

Common Parenting Mistakes

The reasons for the disobedience of children are hidden in the wrong upbringing, which the parents adhered to in the process of growing up the child. If typical mistakes are not made in adolescence, then misunderstandings between family members will not arise. Common patterns of behavior of mothers and fathers, because of which relationships with children deteriorate:

Orders that deprive the child of choice and freedom of action.
Lack of trust and constant control.
Threats of punishment.
Groundless criticism, because of which the baby ceases to believe in his own strength.
Sarcastic ridicule of the act of the child, putting in an awkward situation.
Asking the offspring for personal information that he does not want to share.
Jokes from parents who do not want to answer the child's question.
Excessive teachings.
Forced "advice" that deprives the baby of his own opinion.
indifference in the life of a child.

In the relationship between parents and children, one should not forget the simple truth - the more privileges you have, the more responsibilities. Mutual understanding and participation in the life of a loved one is an effective way to help, and tyranny and regular disagreements are an inappropriate solution that destroys a person.

To prevent the loss of mutual understanding in relations with the child, parents must be clearly aware of the scope of the words spoken and the actions taken. In the upbringing of the offspring, it is important to systematize your own model of behavior, adhering to a well-thought-out strategy. Guided by the following recommendations, you can properly build communication with children:

It is important to define correctly and accessible for the young consciousness in childhood the boundaries of behavior that the child will perceive correctly. Restrictions are accompanied by the baby with the knowledge that such actions will upset the parents. If the child perceives the established framework as a “forbidden fruit”, then the situation will only worsen.
A child should realize from childhood that it is much more pleasant than living contrary to society and existing laws. Correct literature and educational films are effective ways of influencing the fragile consciousness of a baby.
Building on children's thinking is a "jewelry" method of education, which must be applied in a dosed manner. Moral teachings greatly tire the young mind, so you should not abuse communication in an imperative tone. - the ability to influence behavior, change the worldview of the child, and not punish, exacerbating the current situation.

Parents should not quarrel and sort things out in a raised voice in front of the child. While observing the conflict between adults, the authority of one of the participants in the dialogue invariably collapses in the mind of the child. Guided by an example of such behavior, the offspring may begin to show aggression, try to "rebel" and not listen to parental opinion.
Mother and father must learn to offer the baby an alternative that can interest the young researcher. The categorical “No” often causes a protest in the mind of the child, which means it becomes a guide to action. Present the information correctly, forbidding the use of felt-tip pens on the wallpaper, but allowing it on a special piece of paper. Hang the drawing of the offspring in a frame, paying attention to the abilities and talents of the baby. The next time the fidget will not want to create a conflict situation, but will replenish his own collection of images on the wall of "honor".
Some parents forget that the baby is the same person who feels pain and feels joy. In controversial situations, listen to the opinion of the child, learn to find compromise solutions. Stubbornness is not an indicator of power, but a sign of a lack of self-confidence. Mutual understanding and trust are prerequisites for the appearance of a child.

If you do not make common mistakes in the process of upbringing and maintain your own authority in the eyes of the child, then the grown offspring will be grateful for a happy adolescence. Do not forget about the effect of "Boomerang", which is applicable to the relationship between parents and children. If you surround your baby with care, then in old age, count on similar attention from an already adult child.

February 2, 2014

Why do they arise and continue conflicts between parents and adult children; what are the true causes of confrontation and confrontation between close and dearest people; what needs to be done to solve - we will try to answer these and other questions in this article.

Causes of conflict between parents and adult children

The problem of fathers and children is eternal, but in modern society it can be solved by understanding and realizing causes of conflict between parents and adult children and learning how to conduct a constructive dialogue to build relationships.

In order to understand and understand the causes of conflict situations in relationships between parents and adult children, you need to go back to the past and take a look at how parent-child relationships were built; what mistakes were made in raising a child when programming a life scenario, the future of a son or daughter; what styles of family education were used; whether the punishments and encouragement of children by parents were correctly applied, and most importantly: did the parents love their child, or only regretted it, treating him as a helpless victim, because of which, from an early age, a psychological game according to the Karpman triangle could form, which, perhaps, continues to this day, already in relationships between parents and adult children leading to constant conflicts, confrontations and confrontations.

After that, you can establish good, conflict-free relations between parents and adult children.

Who is to blame for the conflict between parents and adult children

In any confrontations and confrontations, including conflicts between parents and adult children, each side tries to blame its opponent for the relationship problem: the parent blames the grown-up child for dislike and disrespect; adult children blame their parents for everything ... the situation is a dead end, often repeated and leading to nothing good.

First of all, each of the participants in a dispute or conflict, including those who are wise (as it seems to them) by life experience, parents who are impeccable and unmistakable in their views and judgments, and adult children with their modern views on life and the world as a whole, need to look for the source of the problem in relationship in itself, and not in the opposing, conflicting side.

Parents need to understand that adult children, son or daughter, are independent and unique individuals who do not have to live and act in accordance with parental desires, expectations and needs.

Adult children, of course, should respect and honor their parents, but should not expect them to understand modern views, life values ​​and priorities ... each generation, and indeed, each person, has his own worldview and understanding of himself, other people and the world in in general.

Both parents and adult children, understanding and feeling not only themselves, their desires and needs, but also another person, no matter whether he is a parent or a child biologically, excluding any hint of egocentrism and youthful maximalism, will be able to achieve instead of empty, destructive competition in interpersonal relationships , constructive dialogue and cooperation, mutual understanding and mutual assistance.

It is necessary to destroy, along with the negative game, the stereotype of constant conflicts, confrontations and problems in the relationship between parents and children, the stereotype of "Fathers and Sons".

For starters, you can understand the rules of behavior in conflict situations, including, conflicts between children and parents.

How to solve relationship problems between parents and children

To solve relationship problems between parents and children, resolve the conflict situation and establish good relations on the basis of cooperation and constructive interaction, it is necessary to convene a “family council” (“round table”) and start an adult, business and constructive dialogue on an equal footing.

Those. Parents need to “turn off” their mentoring, mentoring, overprotective and patronizing attitude towards their adult children. And the last, stop treating parents as obsolete, not understanding anything in modern times, with preconceived views on life of the ancestors.

Of course, at first, in building relationships and conducting a constructive dialogue, you may need the help of a psychologist, or another intermediary authoritative for both parties.

However, if the participants of the "round table" have rather mature personalities, then they can try to come to a common denominator and cooperation in the relationship between adult children and parents without an intermediary.

The main thing is that: both parents and adult children have a desire for close, friendly and respectful relationships with each other; to live without conflict and rivalry, but by cooperating and helping each other.

Your interpersonal, conflict-free relationships are in your hands...

I wish you all psychological well-being!

Free consultation with a psychotherapist before providing assistance online

Probably every family dreams of a good and harmonious relationship with their child. In our article, we will understand how the relationship between children and parents develops and what problems may arise.

Relationships between parents and children

The development of relationships between parents and children begins right from the moment they are born. Relationships with young children are usually easy. The baby is very dependent on the mother, she, in turn, always takes care of him. There is a warm and strong bond between them. Very rarely there is a feeling of remoteness. As long as your child goes to kindergarten, things usually work out well in the relationship between mom and dad. In order to never lose trusting and warm feelings for each other, parents should try to support the baby in all the difficulties and difficulties that arise in him. Share your life experiences and accumulated knowledge to make it easier for your child to cope with problems.

You should not tell the child exactly how to act in various situations, it is enough just to be interested in and take part in the life of the child so that he learns to overcome difficulties on his own and gain his own life experience.

A good relationship between parents and children depends on normal upbringing and the right attitude of parents. The upbringing of the baby begins from the moment he is born and continues until he reaches the age of 18, in other words, until he comes of age. Until the age of 3, the basis of personality is formed in the child, the makings of character appear. At the age of 3 to 7 years, it is important to correctly and accurately correct the formation of his personality.

In most healthy families, parents and children are connected by daily and frequent communication with each other. Such close contacts contribute to the development of trust, spiritual unity, coordination of actions and aspirations in life. At the heart of such relationships are the feelings of parental love and care, the feelings of motherhood and fatherhood, and the attachment of children to their parents.

The relationship between parents and children

Let's see what causes the problem of the relationship between parents and children and what kind of upbringing is considered wrong.

Many parents, due to their lack of education, often make mistakes in raising their child. Some are overprotective and worry too much about their child, pestering him with excessive attention. They try to protect from difficulties, thereby depriving him of the opportunity to get his own experience. Others, on the contrary, do not want to take part in the life of the baby and let everything take its course. Still others press the child too hard with their advice and teach how to live.

You should understand that your child is, first of all, a person and you should not impose your opinion on him and try to realize your unfulfilled dreams and desires in his life.

Often parents send their child to those circles and sections that they themselves attended as children. In turn, the child may have other interests and preferences, and such an imposed opinion will cause conflict. Give more freedom of choice to the child, you don’t need to constantly decide for him, let him learn to cope with problems himself, and you should just help.

Consider the main causes of conflicts:

• Family disharmony. It appears due to the negative nature of the relationship between parents, psychological pressure grows and there is constant anxiety in the child.
• Disruptiveness in education. It is expressed in strong disagreements between mom and dad on the issue of raising a child. It is important that the actions of parents are consistent and adequate, as well as mutually agreed upon.
• Age-related childhood crises. They typically occur at one, three, seven years of age, at puberty at 12-14 years of age, and in adolescence at 15-17 years of age. During this period, the child goes from one stage of development to another.

Let's talk about ways to solve the relationship problem. You need to definitely decide on a parenting strategy, namely, to determine who in your family will be a peacemaker, who should always try to stop all conflicts and “smooth corners”. Most often, mothers play this role in families. Also determine who in the family should be more strict and have a little more authority for the child. But this does not mean that the child should be constantly afraid of this person. If you harmoniously combine the methods of education, you will become the main source of knowledge and the choice of the right life position for the child.

1. Lead.

2. The main part.

Upbringing. The role of the family in society.

Children's curiosity.

Homework.

child's attention.

Difficulty in communication.

Loving children is so easy.

Aesthetic education of the child.

3. Conclusion.

4. List of references.

INTRODUCTION

The problem of fathers and children has existed from time immemorial. A lot has been said and written about this in the past, a lot is being written and said today.

In my opinion, this topic is much more relevant today than before. This is due to social, political, economic changes in the society in which we live.

The problems of raising children arise not only in dysfunctional families, but also in quite normal ones. There are many different situations that result in difficulties in the relationship between parents and children. Often, parents themselves cannot cope with these difficulties. It is very good if the school has its own psychologist. He can help and find a way out of the situation together. But if he is not there, then it is the primary school teacher who comes to the rescue. He must be prepared for various kinds of complications, difficulties that arise between parents and children.

object my work is the process of family education.

The subject of the study is the relationship between parents and children of primary school age.

The purpose of the work: to identify situations that may be conflicting in education and ways to respond to them.

Research objectives:

1. Summarize information;

2. Describe the experience of education;

3. Explore the features of child-parent relationships;

Upbringing. The role of the family in society.

“Education is, first of all, human science. Without knowledge of the child - his mental development, thinking, interests, hobbies, abilities, inclinations, inclinations - there is no education.

V.A. Sukhomlinsky

Those cases when a child goes to school not with joy, but with fear, as a rule, are the result of unfortunate mistakes of adults. It is unjustified to present school life to a child as a source of entertainment and joy; but it is even worse to emphasize and predict in advance the difficulties and troubles that await him there.

It is unacceptable to act those parents who - albeit unintentionally - bring up a negative attitude towards school in a child. “Here you go to school, they will take you there!”, “You try not to obey there!” - says the mother, annoyed by the whims of her son. “Well, what if he didn’t come on time - the grandson’s grandmother defends her in a conversation with her father, let him play, run around to his heart’s content. From the fall to school, no one will feel sorry for him there. And the grandson listens to this ...

Intimidation by the severity of school discipline, the difficulties of learning, misplaced pity for the proposed strictness - all this can make the child helpless when faced with the first difficulties in learning. The position of adults should be calm, businesslike and encouraging. Let the child feel in advance: at home they understand the importance of his new duties, expect him to make efforts and responsibility, believe in his strength and are ready to help.

Unfortunately, there are parents who generally protect their children from fulfilling any duties. Sometimes this is due to the fact that in parents practical considerations take precedence over educational ones. ("Yesterday I ordered my Tanyusha to wipe the dishes. Do you know how long it takes her to make one plate? I would have had all the dishes in the closet for a long time. It's faster to do it myself than to wait for it.")

Indeed, while the child has not mastered the task entrusted to him properly, it often seems to the elders that it is easier to do it yourself. But in this way, the child will never learn to fulfill his duties. Of course, they should be feasible for the child and not take too much of his time, but execution should be mandatory.

Adults should take into account the peculiarities of this situation. The words “you don’t try again,” with which we sometimes so easily address a child, are offensive to him, because most often they are not fair; effort must certainly be noticed! But we should clearly show him otherwise; first of all, what happened, the result of the work, is evaluated. The student must be taught to compare the work done with certain samples (say, letters written by him - with copybooks, etc.). From such a comparison, the immediate goal will also be determined: not in general "learn to write well", but specifically - not to make certain mistakes. The selection of a sequence of such goals helps the child: they seem to direct his work and allow him to experience such an important feeling of success when the goal is achieved, when the skill is mastered. Of course, adults should also notice this success: their approval is a strong “reinforcement” at the first stage of the teaching. Here it is appropriate to say about how one should treat all kinds of additional classes with first-graders. At school, such classes are usually held with lagging students: and at home, one way or another, a student sometimes has to redo some part of the work more than once or twice in order to achieve the desired result. What is essential here is that such work is not perceived by children as a punishment. Try to avoid even the echo of punishment when supervising the extra work of a first grader! No need to reprimand him: “You wrote badly, you don’t try! For this, rewrite twice. It’s more useful to calmly say, “You’re still not good at this letter. We must learn. Write three more lines and be careful."

Children's curiosity.

Children's questions are rightly regarded as a manifestation of curiosity, the desire to understand the world around them. Adults usually like to answer the questions of kids-why-why, although these questions sometimes confuse them. But one should not think that with the transition of the child to school, parents can afford to relax in this regard. On the contrary, their attitude to the child's questions should become deeper and more serious - one should strive to answer these questions as fully and interestingly as possible and in such a way that new questions arise and the desire to independently search for answers.

Homework.

It is no secret that sometimes the preparation of homework takes an excessively long time for younger students, and this leads to overloading of children and even affects their health, although the time provided for daily homework by the Charter of a secondary school should not exceed one hour in the first grade, during the second - one and a half hours, the third - two hours.

For now, we will leave aside the fact that very often it takes too much time to do homework because homework is simply poorly organized (we will talk about this specifically - it all depends on the parents here).

The thing is that if the task is not prepared by all the previous work for the class and the child does not know exactly how to complete it, then the elders are involved in the preparation of lessons in the "fire order", who in this case also do not have guidelines for the correct completion of the task and do not they may even ask the child: “How did you do it in class?”. Often their demands and explanations do not coincide with the explanations and requirements of the teacher, and this leads to conflicts between the children and "home teachers" - parents. The created atmosphere of emotional dissatisfaction, a negative attitude towards the preparation of homework, which is then transferred to school classes in general.

From the foregoing, several conclusions for parents follow. If for a sufficiently long time they observe that their child has to rediscover educational material at home, then they should be alerted: something is clearly not in order. Perhaps the child is passive in the classroom, just "serves out" the lessons. Timely signals from parents will help the teacher to reorganize in time, find a new way out of the situation ...

Parents usually judge the success of homework by the grades with which children return home. And they naturally want these marks to be good.

The child must figure it out on his own. If parents, guided by the best of intentions, interfere too actively in the preparation of homework, do not allow the student to think properly, suggest a solution to the problem, and sometimes simply do all the work, then the little student is left with the only “independent” duty - to rewrite what the parents have done in a notebook. Therefore, I would like to recommend parents to be more careful in the guidance in preparing children's homework.

child's attention.

“Children's book is a powerful instrument of education. Childhood is the age when all impressions are perceived especially acutely and leave a deep imprint on a lifetime. N.K. Krupskaya

Those parents do the right thing who from the very beginning make the child understand that, in all importance, the lessons are on the same level with the most serious matters that adults are busy with.

1. Even before school, the child must be accustomed to the fact that when parents are busy, they should not be disturbed. It is not uncommon to see families where the child does not know how to keep himself busy, constantly demands the attention of adults, no matter what they are doing, not giving them a moment's rest.

2. Create in the family an atmosphere of respect for mental work as such.

It is very important to develop a child to quickly switch from one thing to another. Of course, a child is a child, and parents do not pay attention to it. He came from a walk, began to take off his boots - and went to jump on one leg around the room: Oh, how funny a half-dressed boots dangles. I went to wash my hands and played with the fringe of the towel.

Parents should not be passive observers of such scenes, otherwise the same thing will happen during classes; then you want to set the pencil in a vertical position, then make a dove out of a blotting paper. And of course, parents cannot limit themselves to only one remark, while at the same time giving the child the opportunity to behave as he thinks. But at the same time, do not go to extremes; do not put the child under a hail of remarks and instructions. It is necessary to ensure that he does everything necessary from the first reminder.