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Comforting a person who has recently lost a loved one, or someone who is terminally ill can be difficult. Today on the Koshechka.ru website we will talk about these 2 global topics that do not have unambiguous solutions.

How to comfort a dying person?

Superficial consolation, expressed by the words: "Well, be strong!" or “How I understand you!” - much worse than simple silence nearby. Paradoxical? But this is true.

What exactly can you do to comfort a person who is mortally ill? In order to understand this, it is important to know that those who are already on the verge are making serious progress in personal terms. A lot is changing:

• little things are no longer so important, but elementary phenomena acquire special value - fallen snow, leaf fall, deafening downpour;
• there is no duty - and the desire for life is aggravated;
• communication with loved ones becomes deeper;
• increased willingness to take risks.

In other words, a person becomes much more sensitive, so every word spoken must be weighed.

How to console a person with words? Paradoxical as it may seem, but the best consolation for the dying will be precisely his words, listened to by a caring and patient interlocutor. A loving loved one who sincerely empathizes. Listen to those stories, memories, experiences, ask questions, be interested.

How can you console a person who is about to step over the border of our reality? The whole secret is not to console! And just to become even closer and dearer to him and help him fulfill everything that he was going to do in this life, but because of an incurable disease, he may not have time. Do not overprotect, albeit out of compassion, do not deprive the dying person of independence and responsibility. True, the site understands that another problem arises here - help, and serious, will be needed by a person who will lose a loved one. But more on that below.

Spend as much time as possible with the patient. If he (or she) is able to move, you can go to the sea, to another country, or just get out on a cozy picnic by the lake, feed ducks, ride horses, swim with dolphins, arrange a holiday that a sick person dreams of.

You can console a person not with words, but with some pleasant trifle ...

From the outside it seems that everything is happening, as in a sentimental film, but the moment of farewell comes, and it is inevitable ... Feelings are not at all identical to “bright sadness or melancholy” ...

How to console a person who has lost a loved one?

The question is not easy. And when you see that your friend or acquaintance is suffering from the loss of a loved one, it seems that you understand that tears, despair, depression, sometimes even unwillingness to live are normal reactions, but you still don’t know what to do and what to say.

It is very important not to leave a person without consolation, alone with his grief, because unspoken emotions and experiences can sink deep and result in diseases, infectious, cardiac, psychological, a person may develop addiction to drugs or alcohol, and the risk of accidents increases.

There are many ways to comfort a person after the death of a loved one.

Sometimes just being there is enough. Hug, take by the hand, put your arm around your shoulders and just be silent. Your calmness, sympathy and compassion will be transmitted at the level of subtle matter, just through a warm touch. A person will feel that with the death of a loved one he is not alone. Of course, nothing can replace that native shoulder, but you will be there.

Calm, even conversation is always an effective way, if you talk with love. Let the topic of conversation be chosen by the person who has experienced grief. Perhaps someone can relax by discussing events that are simply not related to death. Others need to vent their feelings.
Try to involve a person who is experiencing the death of a loved one in some common cause. It will distract.

How to console a person who is in shock from a loss?

• Don't leave a person alone.
• Give him your touch, but if a person repels, do not impose.
• Make sure that he has enough rest so that the person does not forget to eat.
• Be an active listener.
• Say something nice about the deceased if you knew him personally.

Often, many say the wrong words, clumsily comforting, but in fact, only hurting more.

For example, you should not say that a person is exhausted or that you have everything ahead. Or what - yes, indeed, this loss is irreparable. At the same time, do not prevent a person from expressing their emotions and experiences: get angry, cry. It is much worse if outwardly a person seems calm. This suggests that someday this grief will shed and “hit” health, both physical and mental.

Also, do not say on-duty phrases like: "If you need my help, call." After all, a person in a state of grief may simply not have the strength to dial your phone number or write. Try to “pull out” more often: take a walk, go to the cinema.

Every day someone dies, but it is still difficult for us to part with this world, and even more so to understand how best to console a person who is grieving for a loved one. I want to believe that today's tips will help you find answers to these questions.

Eva Raduga - especially for Koshechka.ru - a site for those in love ... with themselves!

Sometimes even the strongest person experiences the most negative range of feelings, and desperately needs the support of a loved one. Moreover, psychologists have long proved that sensitive, vulnerable and vulnerable souls are hidden under the “shell” of external strength and fearlessness. Often, each of us faces a simple and banal question - how to calm a person who has experienced a personal tragedy?

Why is it so hard to find the right words?

It would seem that the easiest way is to substitute your “vest” for tears, pat on the head and say something trivial, like "need to live on". But at such moments, most people simply cannot even find the right words to express their participation.

Methods to help comfort a friend in a difficult life situation are very extensive, but not all of them work. Moreover, some of them can backfire. This is especially true of consoling a person who does not tolerate self-pity.

Your girlfriend, friend or colleague has had a misfortune, and you want to support him, but you have no idea how to do it right? Psychological methods aimed at calming a person are based on the principle of empathy, empathy and awareness of his problem in all phases of development.

They are quite simple, but very subtle, and it is important to balance on the verge of participation and neutrality at the same time. It is absolutely unrealistic to calm the nerves of a person who is in hysterics by shouting and calling "to cool your ardor".

A key rule of effective emotional assistance is to find the sweet spot in your own efforts.

Phases of human suffering

If you are determined to restore peace of mind to someone, it will be useful for you to familiarize yourself with the phases of experience in which the person lives:

• Shock. This phase is the shortest, and can last from a few seconds to several weeks. At this time, the victim stubbornly refuses to accept what is happening, does not believe in the tragedy or grief that has occurred, refuses to accept the previous event. It is characterized by physical inactivity with periodic bursts of hyperactivity, insomnia, eating disorders. At this moment, it is extremely difficult to influence a person in an attempt to return him to mental harmony;
• Suffering. This period can be delayed for 5-7 weeks. If it is associated with the loss of a loved one, the sufferer begins to deify and idealize the deceased, or vice versa. Physiologically, this phase is distinguished by the presence of digestive disorders. A person becomes lethargic, apathetic and distracted, his concentration and intellectual ability are weakened. He increasingly feels anxiety and a desire to retire. At this stage, your help is extremely important, even if it will be expressed in ordinary words;
• Adoption. This stage occurs only a year after the loss of a loved one or the tragedy. Now a person can plan his own affairs and goals, taking into account the loss, and suffering fades into the background, although seizures still happen;
• Humility. The recovery part comes 1-1.5 years after the incident. The feeling of excruciating grief in the soul of a person is replaced by bright sadness, a more calm attitude is established towards the loss, but not without warm memories.

What if everything is left to chance?

Before thinking about how to calm a person who has recently lost a loved one, you must have caught yourself thinking - is it worth it at all? Of course, this is an absolutely necessary measure. In the absence of elementary support, a person can acquire a lot of chronic diseases, in particular, those related to the cardiovascular system.

Particularly weak personalities can get alcoholism, drug addiction or depression. A certain percentage takes their own lives. Being depressed and absent-minded, a suffering person can provoke an accident with his participation.

How many misunderstood people daily get under the wheels of cars and in car accidents!

Be sure to interact with the person, constantly keep in touch and communicate with him. Even if now he rejects your help, be sure - over time, he will remember all your kindness shown towards him in a difficult and difficult moment for him.

How to calm a person who is crying right now? Tactile sensations are extremely important here. Hug him sincerely and tightly, demonstrate to him with your body language that there is someone next to him who is ready to protect him.

What words to support and calm a person who is in the acute phase of shock?

• Speak about the dead or departed only in the past tense;
• If your “ward” lost a loved one whom you knew, remember something good about him;
• Say that the deceased would be happy if his loved one stopped crying and began to enjoy life further;
• Mention that even if the physical body is dead, the soul is immortal and is always there. And it hurts her that the one being calmed is so killed;
• Listen more. Even if a person speaks inconsistently and tongue-tied, constantly repeats, loses the thread of the conversation, clarify the details of his story, sincerely try to understand what he wants to convey to you. Talk about how well you understand him. Give him the opportunity to verbally throw out his pain, and you will see that he will immediately feel a little better;
• Refrain from advice "unwind", and other stupid, inappropriate recommendations. Don't recommend anything at all.

What is inappropriate?

Refrain from the following phrases and statements:

1. "All the will of God"(this is only suitable for calming deeply religious, religious people);
2. “Be strong, you are strong, you will endure everything”- such an option can further immerse a person in his experiences and make him feel extremely lonely;
3. "This is an irreparable loss", "Time is the best healer"- expressions that are absolutely inappropriate in this case;
4. “You are young and beautiful, you will still find yourself a hundred of the same, give birth to children”- such words can not only offend the victim, but also cause her just aggression. She is in pain here and now, and she is offered to indulge in ghostly fantasies;
5. "Finally got tired" "He's good in heaven"- such expressions can greatly hurt a person, because they hint that it is time to completely forget about what happened, which is a priori impossible;
6. "Now if you followed", “Now, if it weren’t for the would-be doctors”, "Now if the ambulance arrived earlier"- all these phrases only increase the bitterness of loss, moreover, the current situation does not tolerate the subjunctive mood.

Try not only with words, but also with actions to cheer up a person, in every possible way showing your attention in relation to his person.

How to extinguish sudden outbreaks?

If your friend has had too much alcohol, he may also need to be brought to his senses. Calming a drunk, and even more aggressive, is not only difficult, but also dangerous. But it is also necessary, because at the moment of intoxication a person is not able to control his actions and actions.

How to calm an aggressive drunk person?

1. Agree with everything he says, as long as it does not go beyond the law;
2. Try to subtly shame the violent one, but do not resort to his reproaches and showdown;
3. Infect him with your power - do not say too much, behave peacefully, quietly and calmly;
4. Douse it with ice water;
5. Ignore him. Just pretend to be asleep if possible. If a person loses the opportunity to play the theater of one actor, he simply will not be interested in continuing to rage.

How to calm a person

And which ones are not worth it? the site will tell you how to provide moral support to a person in a difficult situation.

Grief is a human reaction that occurs as a result of some kind of loss, for example, after the death of a loved one.

4 stages of grief

A person experiencing grief goes through 4 stages:

• shock phase. Lasts from a few seconds to several weeks. It is characterized by disbelief in everything that happens, insensibility, low mobility with periods of hyperactivity, loss of appetite, problems with sleep.
• phase of suffering. Lasts 6 to 7 weeks. It is characterized by weakened attention, inability to concentrate, impaired memory, sleep. Also, a person experiences constant anxiety, a desire to retire, lethargy. There may be pain in the stomach and a sensation of a lump in the throat. If a person is experiencing the death of a loved one, then during this period he can idealize the deceased or, on the contrary, experience anger, rage, irritation or guilt towards him.
• Acceptance phase ends a year after the loss of a loved one. It is characterized by the restoration of sleep and appetite, the ability to plan one's activities taking into account the loss. Sometimes a person still continues to suffer, but attacks occur less and less.
• recovery phase begins after a year and a half, grief is replaced by sadness and a person begins to relate to the loss more calmly.

Should the person be comforted? Undoubtedly yes. If the victim is not helped, then this can lead to infectious, heart disease, alcoholism, accidents, depression. Psychological help is priceless, so support your loved one as much as you can. Interact with him, communicate. Even if it seems to you that the person does not listen to you or does not show attention, do not worry. The time will come when he will remember you with gratitude.

Should you console unfamiliar people? If you feel enough moral strength and desire to help, do it. If a person does not push you away, does not run away, does not scream, then you are doing everything right. If you are not sure that you can comfort the victim, find someone who can do it.

Is there a difference in comforting familiar and unfamiliar people? In fact, no. The only difference is that you know one person more than the other. Once again, if you feel the strength in yourself, then help. Stay close, talk, involve in common activities. Do not be greedy for help, it is never superfluous.

So, let's look at the methods of psychological support in the two most difficult stages of experiencing grief.

shock phase

Your behavior:

• Don't leave the person alone.
• Gently touch the victim. You can take the hand, put your hand on the shoulder, relatives can be stroked on the head, hug. Watch the victim's reaction. Does he accept your touch, does he repel you? If repulsive - do not impose, but do not leave.
• Make sure that the comforted person rests more, does not forget about meals.
• Keep the casualty busy with simple activities, such as some sort of funeral arrangements.
• Listen actively. A person can say strange things, repeat himself, lose the thread of the story, and then return to emotional experiences. Refuse advice and recommendations. Listen carefully, ask clarifying questions, talk about how you understand it. Help the victim to simply speak out his feelings and pain - he will immediately feel better.

Your words:

• Talk about the past in past tense.
• If you know the deceased, tell something nice about him.

Can't say:

• “You can’t recover from such a loss”, “Only time heals”, “You are strong, be strong”. These phrases can cause additional suffering to a person and increase his loneliness.
• “God’s will for everything” (helps only deeply believing people), “Was exhausted”, “He will be better there”, “Forget about it”. Such phrases can greatly hurt the victim, because they sound like a hint to reason with their feelings, not to experience them, or even completely forget about their grief.
• “You are young, beautiful, you will get married / have a baby.” Such phrases can cause irritation. A person experiences a loss in the present, he has not yet recovered from it. And he is invited to dream.
• “Now, if the ambulance arrived on time”, “Now, if the doctors paid more attention to her”, “Now, if I didn’t let him in.” These phrases are empty and do not carry any benefit. Firstly, history does not tolerate the subjunctive mood, and secondly, such expressions only increase the bitterness of loss.

Phase of suffering

Your behavior:

• In this phase, the victim can already be given the opportunity to be alone from time to time.
• Give the victim more water. He should drink up to 2 liters per day.
• Organize physical activity for him. For example, take him for a walk, do physical work around the house.
• If the victim wants to cry, do not interfere with him to do it. Help him cry. Do not hold back your emotions - cry with him.
• If he shows anger, don't interfere.

Your words:

How to console a person: the right words

• If your ward wants to talk about the deceased, bring the conversation to the realm of feelings: “You are very sad/lonely”, “You are very confused”, “You cannot describe your feelings”. Talk about how you feel.
• Tell me that this suffering is not forever. And loss is not a punishment, but a part of life.
• Do not avoid talking about the deceased if there are people in the room who are extremely worried about this loss. The tactful avoidance of these topics hurts more than the mention of the tragedy.

Can't say:

• “Stop crying, pull yourself together”, “Stop suffering, everything is over” - this is tactless and harmful to psychological health.
• "And someone is worse off than you." Such topics can help in a situation of divorce, parting, but not the death of a loved one. You cannot compare the grief of one person with the grief of another. Comparative conversations can give the person the impression that you don't care about their feelings.

It makes no sense to tell the victim: “If you need help, contact / call me” or ask him “How can I help you?” A person experiencing grief may simply not have the strength to pick up the phone, call and ask for help. He may also forget about your offer.

To prevent this from happening, come and sit with him. As soon as the grief subsides a little - take him for a walk, take him to the store or to the cinema with him. Sometimes it has to be done by force. Don't be afraid to be intrusive. Time will pass, and he will appreciate your help.

How to support a person if you are far away?

Call him. If he does not answer, leave a message on the answering machine, write sms or e-mail. Express condolences, report your feelings, share memories that characterize the departed from the brightest sides.

Remember that it is necessary to help a person survive grief, especially if this is a person close to you. In addition, it will help to survive the loss not only to him. If the loss touched you too, by helping another, you yourself will be able to experience grief more easily, with less loss to your own mental state. And it will also save you from feelings of guilt - you will not reproach yourself for the fact that you could help, but did not, brushing aside other people's troubles and problems.

Nowadays, every person experiences a lot of different emotions during the day, among which you can find both positive and not so. Tantrums, nervous breakdowns, severe emotional state - all this negatively affects the health of our psyche and worsens the quality of life.

If you see that a close or other friend who cares about you is in such a difficult state, it is important to know how to calm the person with words and your actions. If we help others, then they may be of invaluable help to us.

Types of emotional states

There are two main types of states in which a person can be in the event of a problem - this is an emotional stupor and hysteria. In this case, you should act completely differently.

• Hysteria in case of a nervous breakdown. In such a situation, a person should be somehow supported, despite his cries and curses, try to calm down and wait out this state for 10-15 minutes. Hysteria most often ends and turns into an emotional stupor.
• Emotional stupor. In this case, the situation also cannot be allowed to take its course - a loved one or anyone else must be taken out of this state. You can shake them by the shoulders, take them outside for a breath of fresh air, and so on.

In both cases, you should talk to a person gently, do not raise your tone and gently touch on any topic that is painful for him. When the person finally comes to his senses, try to ask him about what happened, if possible, offer your help. Remember, it is not enough just to reassure a person with words, it is important that he feels the support as much as possible and can rely on you.

How to quickly calm a loved one with words

If your soulmate or close relative is in a depressed emotional state, his nerves are on edge, there is a tantrum, you can try the following actions:

• Approach the person and give them a sincere hug.
• Calm down with words, say that everything will work out with time and will be fine.
• If outsiders rarely state the problem in detail, then you should try to talk to your loved one - he must emotionally relive the episode that contributed to the appearance of such a state.
• During this, negative emotions can again make themselves felt, so patiently listen to the other, do not raise your voice, but simply sympathize with him.
• Offer help - loved ones need it even more than other people. They want to feel that they are not alone in this world, they have someone to support them.
• Offer your options for solving the problem, since it is much clearer from the outside how to act in this or that case.
• After the loved one has finally calmed down, distract him from unpleasant thoughts. It is not easy to do this, but if desired, it is quite possible. You will go out to the river, into the forest, go somewhere - to the theater, cinema, entertainment complex, paintball and so on.

All these activities will help to calm the nervous person who is eating any problem.

What can not be done in such moments?

Never read to a person in such a state of morality!

• You can not read "morals" to a person. This causes a feeling of guilt, the loved one closes in on himself even more, his condition worsens, which can lead to prolonged depression with serious consequences.
• Never compare his problem to yours. He may think that you consider his trouble insignificant or, on the contrary, too serious. Try to get into his position and just analyze the situation.
• Emotions are transmitted, so try not to enter into his state when you calm another person with words. This is fraught with aggravation of the situation.

Use these tips to calm a loved one or another person, after which he can gather strength and begin to act constructively to solve his problem.

To begin with, understand and accept one thing: even though you have known each other for a long time and you know the person as flaky, now this does not mean at all that his behavior will meet your expectations. “There are certain general stages of grief. You can fully focus on them, remembering, of course, that each of us still needs an individual approach, ”explains psychologist Marianna Volkova.

Our experts:

Anna Shishkovskaya
Psychologist at the Nina Rubshtein Gestalt Center

Marianna Volkova
Practicing psychologist, specialist in family and individual psychology

How to support a person if he is in shock

Stage #1: usually a person is in complete shock, confusion and simply cannot believe in the reality of what is happening.

What should I say. If you are really close friends, it is best for you to be there without relying on the phone, Skype or SMS. For some people, tactile contact is very important, the ability to see the interlocutor in front of you live. “At this time, conversations and attempts to express condolences are not needed,” Marianna Volkova is sure. - None. Therefore, if your friend asks you to be around and at the same time refuses to communicate, do not try to talk to him. Contrary to your expectations, it will not get easier for him. It is worth talking about what happened only when the loved one is ready for it. In the meantime, you can hug, sit next to me, hold your hand, stroke your head, bring tea with lemon. All conversations are strictly on business or on abstract topics.

What to do. The loss of a loved one, sudden terrible illnesses and other blows of fate require not only reflection, but also many worries. Don't think that giving this kind of help is easy. It requires a lot of emotional return and is very exhausting. How to support a person in such a situation? First, ask how you can be of help. A lot depends on what state your friend is in. You may have to take on organizational issues: call, find out, negotiate. Or give the unfortunate a sedative. Or wait with him in the doctor's waiting room. But, as a rule, it is enough to at least deal with everyday issues: put things in order, wash the dishes, cook food.

How to support a person if he is acutely worried

Stage #2: accompanied by acute feelings, resentment, misunderstanding and even aggression.

What to do. It is clear that it is difficult to communicate at this moment. But right now, a friend needs attention and support. Try to come more often, be in touch if he is left alone. You can invite him to visit for a while. It is important to clearly understand whether you are mentally ready for this.

Words of condolence

“Most people, when expressing condolences, use conventional phrases that do not carry any meaning. Actually, this is a courtesy and nothing more. But when it comes to a loved one, you need something more than a formality. There is, of course, no one-size-fits-all template. But there are things that definitely shouldn’t be said,” says Marianna Volkova.

1. If you don't know what to say, shut up. Better hug once again, show that you are there and ready to help at any moment.
2. Avoid expressions like “everything will be fine”, “everything will pass” and “life goes on”. You seem to promise good things, but only in the future, not now. Such conversations are annoying.
3. Try not to ask unnecessary questions. The only appropriate in this situation: "How can I help?" Everything else will have to wait.
4. Never say words that might devalue what happened. “And someone can’t walk at all!” - this is not a consolation, but a mockery for a person who has lost, say, an arm.
5. If your goal is to give moral support to a friend, first of all you yourself must be stoic. Sobbing, lamenting and talking about the injustice of life is unlikely to calm.

How to support a person if he is depressed

Stage #3: at this time, a realization of what happened comes to a person. Expect depression and depression from a friend. But there is good news: he begins to understand that he needs to somehow move on.

What should I say. We are all different, so the best thing you can do is ask what exactly a loved one expects from you.

1. Some people need to talk about what happened.“There are people who, in a difficult situation, it is vital to speak out loud their emotions, fears and experiences. A friend does not need condolences, your task is to listen. You can cry or laugh with him, but it’s not worth giving advice and putting in your five cents in every possible way, ”advises Marianna Volkova.
2. Some people need a distraction to get over grief. You are required to talk on extraneous topics, to involve a person in solving some issues. Invent urgent matters that require full concentration of attention and constant employment. Do everything so that your friend has no time to think about what he is trying to escape from.
3. There are people who, in difficult life situations, prefer loneliness - it is easier for them to cope with their emotions. If a friend tells you that they don't want any contact yet, the worst thing you can do is try to get into his soul with the best of intentions. Simply put, forcibly "do good." Leave the person alone, but be sure to make it clear that you are there and at any moment ready to provide all possible assistance.

What to do.

1. In the first case, help of a domestic nature is often required, especially if your loved one is not one of those who easily negotiates, communicates and can easily choose the best of several proposed options.
2. You have to help your friend step back a little from what happened. If you are connected by work issues, you can carry out distracting maneuvers in this direction. A good option is sports. The main thing is not to torture yourself and his grueling workouts, but choose what you like. You can go to the pool, to the court or to yoga together. The goal is to try to have fun.
3. In the third case, you only need what you are asked for. Don't insist on anything. Invite “to go out and unwind” (what if he agrees?), but always leave the choice to the person and do not be intrusive.

How to support a person when he has already experienced grief

Stage #4: This is a period of adaptation. You could say rehab.

What should I say. It was at this time that a person re-establishes contacts, communication with others gradually takes on its usual form. Now a friend may need parties, travel, and other trappings of a mourning-free life.

What to do. “If your friend is quite ready to communicate, you don’t need to try to somehow “correctly” behave in his company. Do not try to forcefully cheer, shake and bring to life. At the same time, you can not avoid direct looks, sit with a sour face. The more habitually you adjust the atmosphere, the easier it will be for a person,” Marianna Volkova is sure.

Visit to a psychologist

Whatever stage a person is in, friends sometimes try to provide help they don't need. For example, forcibly send to a psychologist. Here you have to be especially careful, because sometimes it is necessary, and sometimes it is completely unnecessary.

“Experiencing trouble, sadness is a natural process that, as a rule, does not need professional help,” says psychologist Anna Shishkovskaya. – There is even the term “work of grief”, the healing effect of which is possible provided that a person allows himself to go through all the stages. However, this is precisely what becomes a problem for many: to allow yourself to feel, to meet experiences. If we try to “run away” from strong, unpleasant emotions, to ignore them, the “work of grief” is disrupted, “getting stuck” at any of the stages can occur. That’s when the help of a psychologist is really needed.”

Support cons

The tragedy experienced sometimes gives people a reason to manipulate others. This, of course, is not about the first, most difficult period. But you may be required to be present for long periods of time. Your personal life, work, desires will not be taken into account. Let's say you invited a friend to stay with you for a while - a fairly common practice. But all the agreed terms have long passed, and the person continues to visit. You are silent, because it is impolite to talk about inconveniences, but spoiled relationships will be a natural result.

Equally important is the financial issue. It happens that time passes, everything that was needed is done, but the need for investment does not disappear. And you, by inertia, continue to give money, afraid to refuse. " I noticed that you are starting to sacrifice yourself and your interests, which means there is a reason to talk and clarify the situation,” recalls Anna Shishkovskaya. - Otherwise, the accumulated resentment and indignation will one day provoke a serious conflict with mutual claims. It would be nice not to lead to a scandal, but to mark the boundaries in time.

Personal dramas are just one of those troubles in which friends are known. And your behavior during this period will certainly affect your relationship in one way or another. Therefore, it is worth rushing to help only if you sincerely want it.