Have you ever wondered what lies are? Psychologists consider it a technique that allows you to achieve a change in circumstances in the desired direction.

About the same time as walking. Crying, crying, whims, attracting the attention of the mother, pretending to be hungry or sick, the child learns to deceive. And then - whether a person will be honest or deceitful - depends on how successful his attempts to manipulate others will be.

If you think that you cannot do without lying, you are deceiving yourself. A friend asks if you like her new dress. Is it really worth telling the truth that the new thing looks terrible? Or tragic cases, when relatives and doctors hide his terrible diagnosis from the patient to the last, so as not to take away hope.

All this one way or another can be categorized. The negligent husband is also trying to take his constant versions, covering up betrayals, saying that with the help of lies he “guards the peace of the family.” In fact, a lie turns relations between close people into a very dangerous scenario: a lie grows like a snowball, in the center of which some serious problem is hidden, but, alas, it is not easy to get to it through the cunning plexus of lies!

Do not lie!

If, your relationships with loved ones are losing trust and warmth, so we offer a few steps to get out of this quagmire as quickly as possible.

Ask yourself: what terrible thing will happen if you admit the truth? Will loved ones turn away from you? Will there be a scandal? Or maybe just a long and hard, but long-awaited conversation, after which it becomes somehow easier on the soul?

Take a sheet of paper and on the right side in a column write down all the consequences that await you when your deception is revealed. And on the left - all the advantages that deception gives you now. Compare them. And it’s not yet obvious to you that the consequences of lying are much more serious than the benefits?!

In some cases, when you do not have enough willpower and confidence to use not a lie, but an evasion: you can not hear a difficult question, you can ask 2-3 times, you can laugh it off! And the best and non-personally destructive way is to simply refuse to answer the question, the answer to which will entail the need for a lie.

Do not strive to be good for everyone at the same time - after all, it is the need for recognition that provokes a person to lie.

And remember: a person who uses lies as a means of avoiding conflict situations or attracting success is not only very vulnerable ...

The lie makes him fall into the abyss of loneliness, which has no bottom.

Lying is considered a sin and refers to the seven mortals. From childhood, we are taught that lying is bad. Therefore, we want to surround ourselves with sincere people, believing in their honesty. Often, faith in people does not allow you to see their duplicity, forcing you to take words at face value.

Lies destroy relationships, the process lasts long enough and most of it goes unnoticed. Once the deception is revealed, nothing can be changed. The consequences of cheating are in most cases irreversible. But what to do in a situation where the truth will only bring more harm?

Popular wisdom, which says that even the most bitter truth is many times better than a lie in something right. In fact, the truth makes a person negative. There are many reasons for this:

• he realizes that he was deceived;
• the decision was made without his participation;
• the true state of things looks disappointing;
• feeling of betrayal by loved ones;
• the realization that a person is not trusted or considered unable to solve the problem.

There can be several reasons for grief from realizing the truth, but this does not change the general state of affairs: the person was deceived and now he does not know who to believe.

The worst consequence of lying is the loss of trust. Having lied once, a person will be able to repeat the action, or never again make such a mistake. True, the one who was lied to will no longer be able to fully believe the other.

Already from this point of view there is no saving lie. Deception in itself has a destructive power. The person himself will have to decide to tell the truth to another or hide it. When making a decision, it is necessary to remember the possible consequences and prepare for them. After all, the time will come, and both the liar and the deceived person will have to face the truth.

The most common reason for white lies is the desire to protect a loved one from pain and suffering. A noble motive requires quite ignoble actions. That's just a lie has the ability to accumulate: one deception drags along a whole series of fictional stories that should cover up the source of the lie.

There are no rules by which one can distinguish between defensive lies and ordinary deceit. There is no excuse for lying, it can only be explained. A person who hides the truth is always considered a liar. Keeping these immutable truths in mind, a person can still decide to lie to a loved one. The desire to protect a loved one is so great that it does not allow one to think rationally. The sacrifice made in this way is worth the fact that a loved one will not feel pain from the real state of affairs.

When protecting another person through lies, it must be remembered that the burden of truth will fall entirely on the shoulders of the one who lied. He will have to endure the pain on his own, carefully hiding it inside himself. Often such a moral upheaval can destroy relationships even before the truth is revealed.

And again the question arises: who does the lie save, if it saves at all? Unfortunately, you will have to find the answer yourself, taking into account the individuality of the situation.

How to behave if someone tries to get information from you that you for some reason do not intend to share?

For example. You were at a party and you started some kind of relationship with a nice boy.

The problem is that one of your friends likes him for a long time and she talked about her experiences. In general, you are partly aware of her spiritual outpourings.

And so the next day she ran to you for a minute to chat, seemingly about nothing, but you are sure that behind her feigned indifference and the usual question “Well, how did you have fun yesterday?” hides a well-defined goal.

Talk about how fun it was, what "fun" and who happened during the evening. Then mention the boy she longs to hear about, but in passing, in connection with some minor event. After a while, mention him again, but among others.

If a friend persistently returns to discussing the behavior of the person she is interested in, you have three ways. The choice depends on your goals and on the relationship with this girlfriend.

The first way - you can limit yourself to the meager information that you presented to her, and “not understand” what she is trying to incline the conversation to.

This is a rather mild and liberal maneuver (after all, you yourself have not really figured out your feelings yet, have you?). So you will not bring grief to your girlfriend, and you will have enough time to realize whether it is necessary to continue the relationship with the boy that has suddenly begun.

The second way is more subtle. It will come in handy if you decide to hint that someone else (another girl) was interested in this guy. Only this must be done skillfully, without citing any facts and evidence (especially since they do not really exist), - just a slight hint, something elusive.

A girlfriend may not even understand at first what you meant, and only at home the meaning of what you said will reach her, and even then she will not be sure if she understood you correctly.

And the third way is a frontal attack. True, it is difficult to call it a special art of conversation. To say, "Yeah, you like him, but I like him too, and he seems to like me too!" - You don't need a lot of brains. Cut the truth-womb, and that's it!

This way of expressing your thoughts is suitable only in one out of a hundred situations.

However, there are girls who for some reason decided that telling the truth to everyone and everyone, that is, expressing their own, dissenting opinion (which no one often asks about) is a special charm, it's "cool."

Of course, this way of behavior is very original, and the girl who uses it will not go unnoticed in the company.

But will they take it seriously? Usually those who have chosen some rude straightforwardness as their behavior, gradually, as the company gets used to them, become a kind of female “jesters” and can no longer get rid of this role, even if they really want to. They will always be expected to have some kind of flat joke or “joke” that is peculiar only to them.

Such a role will not suit every girl, right? Therefore, you should not even think about such a means of cheap popularity.

Perhaps this is bright, but this style of behavior is more characteristic of boys than girls. A girl, using it, runs the risk of never attracting the attention of boys.

The attention itself, of course, will be, but far from the quality that she would like. Rude jokes, ironic ridicule, the role of "her boyfriend" in the company - that's what awaits her. So, if you want to always remain feminine and sweet, use more sophisticated and subtle ways to maintain and start a conversation.

Basically, regarding this topic, only one piece of advice: choose between false and true, based on what goals you achieve.

Salutary deception is often confused with polite deception. That is why people often deny the existence of white lies: they believe that we are talking about the classic “white lie”, when they hide the truth so as not to offend a person. In fact, these are completely different concepts. White lies are designed to hide a truth that is not too significant, so as not to anger and upset. It is she who is sometimes used by people, praising the new hairstyle or outfit of their acquaintances, or noting their positive features, which are not really there.

White lies in many countries are a courtesy tribute, so it can be safely used without fear of censure from society.

White lies are used in serious cases, when it comes to much more serious things than the discomfort or offense of another person. A patient who is not distinguished by a strong character and stamina should not be told that his illness is too serious and can soon kill him. Speaking such a terrible truth, people not only poison the last weeks of a person’s life, but also let him know that now there is only one way left for him, and it leads to the cemetery. For those who can no longer fight for their lives, such words can be a real sentence. It would be much more humane to use a lie for salvation - it will give not only hope, but also strength for the struggle.

How lies can be saving

If you don't believe in white lies, think about the fact that they helped save many lives in difficult times. Deception made it possible to hide innocent people in times of war. It was used by prisoners during interrogations to save the lives of other people. Thanks to him, those who were somehow involved in political affairs were able to survive during the times of repression.

Even Christians who condemn lies have their own example: if Judas had kissed neither Jesus, but one of his disciples, the Messiah would have remained alive. It was not the lie that killed him, but the truth.

It is very important to understand that a white lie is possible only in critical situations. This concept cannot cover up petty deceptions, because it was precisely such a substitution that caused the noble untruth to turn into a myth. A saving lie is appropriate when it does not harm, but protects. So adopted in infancy, the adoptive father and mother say that they are his real parents. So children are protected from facts that can damage their psyche and break their lives.

People lie very often. There are few people who would not lie once a day. In most cases, this lie only embellishes reality. But there are people who always lie - whether it is necessary or not, whether it is beneficial to them or not.

What is a lie

A lie is a concealment of the truth. There are few people who respond to the on-duty question “how are you?” start to give a long answer. Most likely, it will be one or two words “good”, “normal”, “bad”, “so-so”, etc. But after all, people are cunning in most cases. It is unlikely that he is actually interested in how the interlocutor is doing. This is just a courtesy, a tradition - when meeting, be interested in each other's affairs. In this situation, both are lying.

Lies are different. There are daily lies that are told by all people without exception. Such lies are no longer perceived by people as such. For example, the on-duty phrase “how are you” is an example of everyday lies. There is a white lie - a liar tries to hide the truth, believing that a lie is better. There are lies for good - then the truth is hidden so as not to harm other people.

There are many facets of lies. One lie smoothly flows into another, a lie for good can grow out of everyday lies. From lies to salvation, daily lies can be born.

What is deceit

Deceit is the desire to create the wrong impression about events and facts. Deceit is contrary to universal human norms and rules, which are based on the need to have a correct understanding of society and circumstances.

Not always the wrong impression about events is the result of deceit. Sometimes this is a consequence of the underdevelopment of thinking or the inability to distinguish between what is desired and what is real, for example, children lie unconsciously.

A completely different case is pathological deceit. It has a belief in the reality of the fictional. In life, deceit occurs in an atmosphere of hostility, competition and suspicion. Its evaluation is possible only if the motives and causes are correctly understood. Falsehood is overcome as a result of education, subject to complete trust between the pupil and.

There are many tests on how to test yourself for deceit. Although, you can do without them. Ask yourself how often I lie. Simple steps will help you answer this question.

Get yourself a notepad or notebook. Write a day on each sheet - how many days you conduct research, mark as many sheets. The longer you run your test, the more accurate the results will be.

Record conversations with colleagues, family, friends, etc. every day. It is not at all necessary to quote them in full, it is enough just to note the meaning of these conversations.

Mark phrases and moments when you lied. It is best to do this immediately after talking so that nothing is erased from memory. Mark not only your phrases when you lie, but also those in response to which you lie.

For the purity of the experiment, divide the sheet into several columns, in which note where and with whom you are talking. For example - home/work/public places or employees/colleagues/friends/relatives.

Analyze your notes: where, when, how and to whom you lie. The analysis of your records is purely individual. You can consider yourself a lying person if your records contain more than 30% of unfounded lies.

Lies to the rescue - this expression is especially relevant in paired relationships.

Occasionally, we choose to lie when we don't want to upset a loved one. After all, it’s quite easy to deceive a stranger - we can’t go through life with him, the roads diverge in a minute. And a dear and close person from one carelessly spoken word of truth can be offended. The second reason for lying to a loved one is that we still have to live with him, and for the sake of a prosperous, long and happy life, we go to great lengths.

So what is the most common lie in the family, and why do we need it?

There are several reasons for cheating loved ones.

1. The need to obtain psychological comfort.

The principle is simple and well-known: "The less you know, the more you sleep." There are many examples in life. For example, a partner is planning a layoff at work. But he doesn't tell you about it, because it will upset you.

Therefore, to questions about affairs at work, he habitually answers that everything is fine, and he experiences the news in himself.

On the other hand, the wife is sick, but she tells her husband that everything is fine, and does not show how much pain she is. The husband is not upset, he thinks about his problems. So spouses fence each other off from their own problems, preferring to solve everything on their own.

2. To avoid punishment.

This principle is often found among children: having done something for which, as they know, there is a punishment, they prefer to deceive.

This behavior is dictated by the instinct of self-preservation.

Another example. The man decided to smoke a cigarette in front of the house to calm down, relieve stress. The wife smelled it and asked directly: “Did you smoke?” The husband replies that it seemed to her, and that he did not smoke. If he honestly answered that he smoked, events could unfold according to two scenarios: the wife would simply scold her husband, and everyone would go about their business, or a real scandal would break out. That is why the husband decided to deceive his wife.

3. We lie because we do not want to offend a loved one.

After all, the truth often hurts. But everything will eventually come to light. And lies will also be revealed. Even though a person may perfectly understand that a lie was told in order not to offend him, he will still be offended, because, perhaps, he hoped for the truth.

So, a woman can ask her husband if it seems to him that she has recovered? Normal question for a couple, right? Most often, the torturers, in order not to offend their loved ones, answer that they are beautiful and there are no extra pounds at all. However, in fact, they perfectly understand that kilograms have appeared. But every lady has her own "best" friend who will always tell the truth. As a result, they are offended precisely by the husband, since it was from him that the most truthful and sincere answer was expected. So it turns out that I wanted the best, but it turned out as always.

But there are other situations, for example, when partners have been together for many years, and the wife just wants to hear a compliment, and he knows perfectly well what her husband will answer. And the husband knows all this very well, and says exactly what the woman wants to hear. In this case, the scandal will never break out, because everything is harmonious and mutual.

4. To earn the sympathy of other people.

Very often people lie in order to please a new acquaintance. After all, it is impossible to verify the said information, but only until a certain time. A fairly common example: a guy, in order to please a girl, gives her information about himself that, as he knows for sure, she will be glad to hear. But it is important to remember that at some point the whole truth will be revealed, and then the guy will have to pay for his deceit.

5. Avoid liability.

Lies often come from irresponsible people. The only way out of a difficult situation for them is to shift their guilt onto another person. Often a similar situation occurs at work, when the boss on the carpet at the top management shifts all his guilt to his subordinates, who answer with their bonus and salary. It's all about the unwillingness to admit your mistake and spend your own strength and nerves to solve the problem.

6. To avoid humiliation.

Many people go to deliberate deceit in order to save their honor, not to be humiliated. But lying is humiliation, isn't it?

7. Achieve your goal at any cost.

This is life, and everyone tries to achieve his own, no matter what it costs him. For example, at an interview, an applicant for a vacancy answers the interviewer's questions in the way the latter would like to hear. As a result, the vacancy is in hand, the new job pleases and everything is going well. But for everything to go really well, you need to try to develop all those skills that were so smoothly described at the interview, otherwise you won’t last long in this place, because the truth will come out, and the authorities may not like it.

This is one of the main reasons.

And, when we understand that a person is deceiving us, we are disappointed, we lose our temper, we are indignant, we feel betrayed ...

What is happening to us? Are we able to control ourselves or are we just giving in to our emotions?

And what happens to our lives then?