Whoever you are and whatever you achieve, troubles can always happen, and it will seem to you that life will never get better. However, remember that your attitude is what matters, and here's how you can change it.

Zen Buddhist and Harvard professor Robert Waldinger, who leads the study on adult development, has been following 724 men for 75 years to understand what makes our lives happy.

It turns out that the basis of happiness is inclusion in the community and healthy relationships. To feel happy, you need to live surrounded by people who are ready to help.

Here are six ways to deal with the intense emotions that often accompany life's challenges. Sometimes they don't help directly solve the problem, but they provide clarity of vision, and that's a lot. Regardless of the outcome, your decisions will not be the result of fear - they will be justified.

1. Stop negative self-talk

First of all, you need to let go of limiting delusions, but it is equally important to stop negative self-talk by asking yourself:

• What facts for and against are available to me?
• Am I relying on facts or my own interpretations?
• Perhaps I am drawing hasty negative conclusions?
• How do I know if my thoughts are correct?
• Is there another way to look at this situation?
• Is the situation really as dire as it seems to me?
• Does this mindset help me reach my goals?

Sometimes it is enough to admit that you are indulging in self-deprecation in order to look at the problem from the other side.

2. Keep perspective

Your current problem in the context of your whole life is a mere trifle, it does not define you as a person, it is not a reflection of your entire history, your strengths and achievements.

We often see only what is right in front of us, forgetting about all the past positive experiences. Keep a holistic image of your life in mind and ask yourself:

• What can happen in the worst case? Is it likely?
• And at the best?
• What is most likely to happen?
• What will this mean five years from now?
• Perhaps I am giving too much importance to this issue?

3. Learn from your reactions

“There is a gap between stimulus and response, in that gap we have the freedom to choose our response. Our development and happiness depend on this choice,” Viktor Frankl.

How do you respond to a problem? What advice would you give to your best friend in this situation? At every moment we can completely control our reaction to any stimulus, and today psychology knows five ways to improve control over the reaction in a difficult situation:

• Think about what kind of person you would like to be
• Think about the meaning and origin of your reactions
• See the results of your actions
• Imagine a better answer
• Learn to treat yourself with compassion

4. Learn from the reactions of the other side

Harvard scholars have proven that using empathy in disagreement is essential to conflict resolution and is a critical prerequisite for a successful negotiation outcome.

5. Assess the situation from the position of an outside observer

If you are an observer, then you can go beyond the situation, discard emotions and follow your reaction.

With this level of self-awareness, even when in the middle of a conflict, you are aware of yourself and can separate your identity from the situation.

6. Seek outside help

In any situation where your own experience is not enough, look for wise advice. Suppress your ego and ask for a critical eye and constructive feedback, and once you're done, help others learn from your experience.

Remember that you and your problem are not one. A problem is just one aspect of your path, and it is also a source of growth. Do not run away from challenges, because they make us better. And when it seems that everything is lost, remember: this, too, will pass.

Prepared by Taya Aryanova

Instruction

Although crisis situations and knock out a person from the usual life track, but on the other hand, they provide him with the opportunity to overestimate his life values. After all, it is at this time that he can look at his life from a different angle and assess the circumstances.

To get out of the crisis, use one of the three main directions. First, never put up with a problem. This only indicates that the usual life attitude has exhausted itself, and the next life stage has ended. Bring the matter to the end, take stock and move on to a new stage in your life.

Secondly, if you do not want to change anything in your life, then try to reflect on the problems that have arisen. Draw conclusions for yourself that will help you accept the current situation.

And finally, you can adapt to the circumstances, go with the flow, relying on the actions and decisions of other people. In this case, the crisis situation will sooner or later lead you to living conditions that you will be forced to accept.

Any of these options has the right to exist, and you can use each of them separately or in combination with each other. Each situation will require its own solution, because life is diverse in its manifestations, and no situation will be similar to another.

Think of the problem as a task that needs to be solved later, the acquired knowledge will help you build your life exactly the way you want it. But all these puzzles must be solved as they become available, because the more unresolved problems, the higher the wall you have built, and the more difficult it will be to destroy it.

Do not go into the problem with your head, but try to realize the opportunity to put your feelings and thoughts in order. Prayers, meditations, doing what you love, such as gardening or needlework, will help you with this. Go swimming, take a walk in the park, read your favorite book or watch a movie. Fulfill your old dream: learn a foreign language, conquer Everest or throw trash out of the house. The result will not keep you waiting, and soon you will be able to feel that the unfavorable situation has turned to you on the other side, there will be changes for the better and new opportunities.

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How to find a way out of a hopeless situation? Life presents each person with a variety of, sometimes unimaginable situations. We can't even imagine what tomorrow holds for us. That is why parents should form a trusting relationship with their children in order to always be aware of their problems and come to the rescue in time, showing ways out of difficult situations.

Helpful advice

Do you know the feeling of a hopeless situation? I think almost everyone knows. And it seems that everyone knows (at least the practitioners of Simoron) that there is always a way out - absolutely and without exception. On the other hand, finding this very way out is sometimes not at all easy. However, it is worth remembering the funny phrase of Nikolai Fomenko in time: “Even if you have been eaten, you always have two ways out.” Well, or like this: "From a hopeless situation, the exit is in the same place as the entrance."

There are times in every person's life when it seems like they don't. exit. In such a situation, it is better not to waste time thinking about the causes of what happened, but to direct your mental strength to solve the problem.

Instruction

To begin with, accept the situation as a fact and understand that it has already happened and there is no turning back.

If you think it is possible, then seek the help of other people, whether it be family, friends or acquaintances. You may find it easier to talk to a stranger or turn to religion.

There are people who are better at coping with problems alone. If you belong to this category, do not force yourself and do not force to communicate if you do not want to.

Learn physical relaxation techniques. It can be various breathing techniques or the basics of yoga.

Get out in nature more often. It will be nice to walk near the reservoir. Many people believe that water procedures help to cleanse not only the body, but also the soul, so swim more and, if you wish, visit the bathhouse.

Pay attention to physical activity. It doesn't have to be a sport. If you enjoy cleaning your home, gardening, or garage, then this can be a solution too.

Revisit your old hobby or pick up a new one. Collecting, visiting museums, needlework, everything that can distract you from sad thoughts.

NATA CARLIN

How many times do we mentally return to the time when it was possible to “lay straws”, but we did not. And now, we are faced with an unthinkable task - to find a way out of a difficult situation. Our brain is feverishly looking for options for the development of events, trying not only to find the cherished “door”, but also to act in such a way as not to “lose face”.

For some, a hopeless situation is like a labyrinth in which a person wanders in search of a solution to a problem. It seems to others that the earth is gone from under their feet, and they fly into the abyss. Each person perceives differently. However, always ask yourself the question: “What to do?” But never look for those responsible for your problem. In the first place, only you yourself are to blame for what happened to you. Do not waste your efforts on unnecessary clarification of the relationship, direct them towards making constructive decisions.

Remember how Nikolai Fomenko said about hopeless situations? Ingenious saying: "Even if you are eaten, there are always two ways out." Therefore, remember the rules for getting out of a difficult situation:

You are already inside this problem, it is impossible to avoid it, and you will not be able to return to the starting point.

Ask for help from acquaintances or friends. It may be easier for you to tell your problem to a stranger who will give you good advice.

Many people are used to solving their problems on their own. If you are one of them, close the doors, turn on soft music, and start looking for a way out. Do not force yourself to go "on a bow" to strangers. If you do not want someone else to take part in solving the problem, you do not need to. Do it yourself.

Breathing exercises.

Being in search of a way out of the situation, a person stays in. At this point, his blood pressure rises, his heart beats wildly, sweating increases, and so on. Right now you will need the skills of breathing exercises (yoga, tai chi). It's fine if you already own them, but it's never too late to start learning.

Nature has a relaxing effect on the human nervous system. This is especially true of large open reservoirs. Therefore, try to leave all worries behind and go for a walk to the lake. Sit, think, look at the water surface, swans and ducks swimming on it. Try to dive into the water yourself. If it happens in summer, then a river or lake will do, if in winter - a pool. As a last resort, lie down in the bathtub, into which you drop a few drops of vanilla and rosemary. Water helps to concentrate, discard all unnecessary, and come to the right decision.

Physical Education.

In order to feel in good shape every day, it is not necessary to play sports to the point of exhaustion. To focus your thoughts on the problem, engage in monotonous, not difficult activities. For example, put things in order in the house, in the garage or pantry.

Have you abandoned embroidery or knitting for a long time, because you simply didn’t have enough time for it? Find it now. Be sure to do something pleasant and useful for yourself. Finally, if you have never had this hobby, go to the cinema,.

Be healthy.

Of course, there is no direct relationship between the search for a way out and the state of your health. But in order to make good use of the time that you spend looking for a way out of the situation, health prevention is well suited. Each person thinks that tomorrow or the day after tomorrow he will go to the doctor and improve his health, which has been shaken over the years. But that tomorrow or the day after tomorrow may never come. Therefore, choose the moment when you feel too sorry for yourself, so you need to do something nice for your own body.

Of course, men will now laugh. But, don't be fooled! They also like this feminine word. Buy what you have been wanting for so long. Please your loved one, because today it took too much to find a way out of the situation. Have you been staring at those red shoes in the window for a long time? Buy them, finally, amuse your pride. Do you like alloy wheels that will look so great in the overall design of the car? Do not deny yourself anything! The joy of buying is above all! And in the evening, when the euphoria subsides, and only a feeling of deep satisfaction remains, start looking for solutions again.

Every person in this life has a dream of an intangible plan. For some, this is a trip to the opera, others want to be on the ocean shore under the moonlight, others dream, finally, of going to their parents in the village.

Life is too fleeting, and dreams remain unfulfilled. Therefore, if you have a financial opportunity, drop everything and go on an adventure or to mom and dad. At one fine moment, you realize that it was this trip or hike that became the starting point from which the process began, during which you found a way out of a conflict or other unpleasant situation.

Now it doesn't mean the people who have become your friends. Let's talk about pets. Everyone thinks that it would be possible to have a pet. Maybe that moment has come? Today he will delight you with his presence, and will not let you go after stress, and tomorrow you will become his best friend. Now you just need to choose who it will be - a puppy, a kitten, a parrot or silent fish.

Think about the problem, don't discount it. She will not go anywhere without your participation. After all, it is only yours, and no one can solve it for you. However, do not go in a vicious circle, do not drive yourself into a corner, and even more so, into stress. Try to align your thoughts

How often, when we find ourselves in a difficult situation that requires a strong-willed solution or elimination of problems, we begin to think that this is it - a Hopeless Situation. Having believed once that there is no way out of your situation, you allow pessimism and self-pity to take over, and you find yourself in a vicious circle of your own and. I propose an alternative approach - to believe that there is always a way out, and not one, you just need to make an effort to see it. The main part of these efforts will be aimed at maintaining a positive attitude and maintaining faith in a successful resolution of the situation.

So, there are no hopeless situations - this is a fact. And then what happens - what do we take for "hopeless conditions"?

1. The need to make a decision. It's complicated, scary and requires you to take responsibility for your choice and its consequences. If the choice is wrong, there will be no one to blame but ourselves, so our consciousness closes and pretends that there is no way out, and we, in turn, play along with it. Convincing yourself that nothing depends on you is the approach of a weak person. Take courage and remind yourself that control is always in your hands - yes, you can make a mistake, but this is your decision, independent and balanced, which means you are an adult and responsible person.

   What to do:

   • - Mistakes are your personal, invaluable experience that you can always use for the benefit of your development.
   • Use our advice - take control of your life in your own hands, do not be a victim.
2. The fear of change can paralyze even a smart and developed person in all respects. Such is the nature of man - it is more comfortable for him to exist in conditions of certainty, and all the unknown scares and has a much lower level of comfort. Refusing to do something out of fear that your life will change is not stupid, but terribly inefficient. Change is always for the better - tell yourself this day and night until you believe it, and then you will find that you mistakenly considered your situation a hopeless one.

   What to do:

   • Change it to a constructive one, and your life will pick up a new pace of development, just like you.
   • Read - these daredevils have changed not only themselves and their lives, but also the world in which we live, is this not an incentive to joyfully plunge into the coming changes?
3. Convenience of a "familiar place". A person can adapt to any conditions, even the most destructive and uncomfortable for himself. Being in a dysfunctional marriage or working at a job where you are humiliated and not appreciated, and justifying it by saying that there is no other way out means indulge your complexes and low self-esteem. If self-esteem is very low, a person may even stay in a relationship where violence is used against him - because it is convenient, convenient from his point of view. Trying to change the situation and get away from the role that you are used to playing is difficult, but necessary.

   What to do:

   • To work with - without this work, any attempts to get off the ground will be short-lived and will entail a return to the previous circumstances.
   • To understand and accept that you deserve more and better - for this you need.
4. Some people try to pass off banal laziness as a hopeless situation. If a person does not want to make any effort to find a solution, he directs them to looking for excuses. Excuses invented for others are gradually accepted on faith and consciousness, and now a person is sincerely convinced that in his circumstances there is no way out. And you just need to want to change your life and direct your efforts in the right direction.

   What to do:

   • Learn - no one will do it for you.
   • Work to get better - just work, not try or try.
5. The pleasure of complaining. It is common for many people to complain about their bitter fate, evil people around them and unfortunate circumstances instead of something. make. The goal is to get confirmation from others that they are right - “there is no way out, I am unhappy, I didn’t even have a chance, given what kind of childhood I had ...”.

   What to do:

   • Stop whining!
   • Learn why, and how to channel energy from complaining into action.
6. devotion to standards. “That’s the way it is” is the worst excuse for not acting. By whom it is accepted, why and why this should be reflected in your life, it does not matter at all if you decide to justify your "hopeless" situation with someone else's opinion, traditions and established orders. In this world, neither those around, nor the rulers of states, nor anyone else don't define you, only you! You yourself determine where the limit of your possibilities is, so call them limitless, limitless, instead of hiding behind the notorious "it's customary."

   What to do:

   • , although it is new and scary - you need it.
   • Use technique to release energy and direct it to creation.

Of course, first of all, I am writing these tips to remind myself that there are no hopeless situations, but I also want to convey this to you. They really do not exist, there are difficult ones, which are points of our growth if we choose the path of development, not stagnation.

In the life of every person there are situations from which, it would seem, it is impossible to find a way out. In such cases, the main thing is not to give up and not lose confidence in yourself. To get rid of problems and stop the flow of failures, use effective methods.

Life is unpredictable. As experience shows, every person has encountered situations from which it is very difficult to find a way out. At such moments, it seems to us that it is already impossible to return peace and harmony to our lives. However, it is not. It turns out that in many cases a person invents problems for himself, because of which there is a feeling that a black streak has begun in life. If you're having trouble, don't get lost and depressed. Instead, pull yourself together and try to resolve a difficult life situation. Three simple but effective ways will help you with this.

Method one - stop the internal dialogue

Not always our thoughts are correct and reasonable. Sometimes the inner voice is our indispensable assistant, but in difficult situations we too often succumb to emotions. Because of this, it is impossible to make the right decision.

Before you pause your internal dialogue, ask yourself again:

• What tools are available to me to deal with this situation?
• Is the situation really complex and hopeless?
• Perhaps I am jumping to conclusions?
• Are my thoughts correct in this situation?
• Is there another way to look at this situation?
• Is it true that my situation is so terrible?
• Do my thoughts help find a way out of this situation?

After asking yourself the above questions, try to answer each of them. After that, very often it turns out that the problem is just a figment of your imagination. In fact, your situation is not as deplorable as you think.

If you have come to the conclusion that there really is a problem, start looking for ways to solve it. By answering the first question, you will be able to find out what tools and options are available to you to deal with this situation.

Sometimes thoughts only bring us down and do not help us find the right way out. In this case, action is required. Perhaps, once again thinking about your problem, you are only delaying time. By answering the last question, you can summarize and proceed to the solution.

Method two - rely on life experience

Everyone has faced difficult situations at least once in their life. Based on life experience, you will be able to find the right solution to the problem both in the present and in the future.

In difficult situations, you can rely not only on your own, but also on the experience of loved ones. As you already understood, at such moments the help of others will not hurt you. You can choose a friend or relative as an adviser. You need to fully open up to the person and describe in detail the picture of what is happening. To understand the complexity of this problem, ask the interlocutor to be as frank with you as possible. Perhaps with the support and advice of another person, you can solve the problem.

If you do not want to share your problems with others, try to get the most out of your own experience. Remember: you may have had to deal with a similar nuisance before. Consider what advice you would give your friend if he were in your position. At the moment, the solution to your problem depends only on you, and the answers to the questions posed may be hidden in your past.

Method three - find the source of the problems

Environment, work, memories of the past - all this can be the cause of your problems. It is necessary to understand your life and understand what could have caused this situation. If you realize that there is a burden in your life that prevents you from moving on, you need to immediately get rid of it, otherwise difficulties will haunt you all the time.

Try to analyze the problem again and think about what led to its appearance. Sometimes the reason lies precisely in our environment: the friends we trust and with whom we share our experiences are sometimes not the ones they try to impersonate. In this case, their advice and help will only harm you. Sadly, in this case, there is only one way out - to break unnecessary ties. By getting rid of useless relationships, you can eliminate difficulties and change your life for the better.

Work is one of the common causes of our difficulties. Pressure from the authorities, the intrigues of colleagues, low wages can drive us into the most hopeless situation. Consider: maybe you are in the wrong place right now. In this case, do not be afraid to change your life and boldly go in search of a new job. It is likely that soon you will get rid of problems and discover new talents in yourself.

Sometimes we ourselves are to blame for our troubles. We make unnecessary acquaintances, waste time in vain and try to cling to the past. In this case, you need to conduct a thorough work on yourself. Learn to get rid of negative thoughts and make only deliberate decisions. Always plan your actions and do not let random situations ruin your plans. In this case, you will learn to control your life and be able to overcome any difficulties that come your way.

People tend to help each other in difficult situations. However, sometimes, without noticing it ourselves, we hang other people's problems on ourselves, because of which they automatically become ours. To avoid difficulties, find out