It is quite difficult to realize such a plan in full measure. To do this, you need to literally become a hermit, build yourself a home in a remote place where no human foot has set foot and work hard to provide yourself with food, protect yourself from the cold, etc. Examples of such modern hermits are known, but they inspire few people - modern man is too accustomed to the benefits of civilization and, as a rule, is not ready to give them up. But you can try to minimize your communication with the outside world.

life support

In a modern society without a livelihood, i.e. without money, it is almost impossible to live. And earning them involves visiting the workplace, communicating with colleagues, superiors, obeying various requirements and rules, observing certain temporal, social, ethical and other limits.

Although, if you wish, you can find ways to make money without being constrained by the framework of a traditional working relationship. First of all, it can be remote work. If you want to reduce communication with colleagues and superiors to a minimum, you should choose one where labor relations are the least personalized: let's say you take a task, complete it and automatically receive a reward for it. Or you create some original product and sell resources.

The undoubted advantage of such work will be the absence of a rigid schedule, not the obligation to be at the “workplace” in certain time, as well as the ability to independently determine the amount of work performed.

By the way, it should be noted that, having decided to isolate yourself from the outside world, you have every chance to significantly reduce your expenses: you no longer have to buy things for the sake of “prestige”, “status” and other conventions accepted in society. The main task will be to ensure your own comfort and satisfaction of personal vital needs, which, if necessary, can be made quite modest - after all, you no longer need to "show off" friends and relatives.

Communication

The circle of communication can be minimized or (if desired) completely stop communicating. Friends and acquaintances will quickly lose interest in you if you regularly become a rejection of an offer to visit, meet, participate in a joint event, just stop answering the phone.

The situation is a little more complicated with relatives, especially if they depend on you, for example, children or sick people. In this case, communication with them cannot be stopped. But you can try to keep your circle from expanding thanks to them: for example, communicate with them only in private, without the presence of strangers.

As for communication with other people of the so-called "far circle", then you should not worry about this: you can make purchases of the necessary goods. Super- and hypermarkets also do not involve active dialogue with sellers. Necessary payments can be made through payments, etc.

External channels of information

And, of course, so that nothing distracts you from living in your own world, block external channels of information: do not watch, do not visit forums, do not buy periodicals. Now the outside world has ceased to exist for you, and gradually it will also “forget” about you.

But it is worth remembering that this kind of "autonomous" existence is fraught with a number of dangers: no one will rush to your aid if trouble happens; you will not have anyone to turn to with an elementary request, and there will simply be no one to “pour out your soul” if such a need suddenly arises. Still, a person is a social being, and, completely isolated from society, he sometimes feels very uncomfortable.

In dealing with the outside world, people are very different. Someone vividly reacts to current events and can talk for hours about everything in the world, while someone is stingy with emotions and rarely knows what and when to say.

How to define closedness

Open, sociable people are called extroverts, their opposite is introverts. The latter often live in harmony with themselves and do not worry because of their isolation - they are comfortable in solitude. But this is far from always the case: the peculiarities of behavior and character bring unsociable people a lot of inconvenience. If a person is uncomfortable being the way he is, psychological problems appear. To get rid of them, serious work is required on oneself.

How does closure manifest itself? Uncommunicative person:

• has difficulty expressing feelings and thoughts;
• does not know how to defend his point of view;
• has difficulty understanding others and empathizing with them;
• does not know how to make new acquaintances;
• afraid to offend the interlocutor or be misunderstood.

Difficulties interacting with others

Closed people often do not make the impression they expect. This makes it inconvenient when interviewing for a job and meeting new people. Lack of a smile and monosyllabic answers are perceived as unwillingness to communicate, while often it is a question of inability. A quiet, uncommunicative person would like to show himself on the other side, but he does not have the necessary skills: he does not know how to talk about trifles, does not have time to respond to a joke, or does not understand at all that the interlocutor is ironic.

Unsociable people find it difficult to make friends. It's good to have a childhood friend who accepts you for who you are. But making new friends becomes difficult: how do you open up to strangers if you're not used to it? In a new company, introverts are silent, afraid to say something inappropriate or fear that their story will seem uninteresting.

People who experience communication difficulties find it difficult to find their soul mate. Everyone around meets, falls in love and gets married, and you are left alone? Modesty, secrecy, inability to win over the one you like makes you literally invisible to the object of adoration. You can convince yourself for a long time of the need to take the first step, but still do not dare to take it - because of the fear of being misunderstood, ridiculed, etc.

These situations bring a lot of frustration and pain. It is not your fault that you were born or became like this - isolation and lack of sociability have a lot of reasons.

Reasons for isolation

Many people ask themselves: “Why am I a closed and uncommunicative person?”. Here are just a few of the most common reasons:

• heredity: self-doubt is transmitted at the genetic level. If one of the closest relatives is distinguished by isolation and unsociableness, you could inherit these qualities from them;
• upbringing in childhood: parents make mistakes that leave a deep imprint in the mind of a person even in adulthood. Constant prohibitions, refusals, pulling lead to the fact that the child begins to be embarrassed by the manifestations of his personality and hides his individuality deep inside. And vice versa: excessive praise of the child and statements that he is the very best lead him to conflict with the outside world in the future: he sees that many do something better than him, and because of this he withdraws into himself;
• social environment: at an early age, the child may suffer from the ridicule of surrounding children, inappropriate remarks from educators or teachers; young consciousness is vulnerable, and even a trifle deprives a person of self-confidence. As adults, we experience constant pressure from society to tell us what to do and how to do it. Relatives, employers and other people often crush our interests, aspirations and views for themselves. Feeling like “something not like that,” a person closes, becomes quiet and humble;
• bad relationship experience: if the first love ended in a difficult breakup, if the chosen one acted ugly with you or did not reciprocate your feelings at all, self-esteem is under attack.

I am a professional psychologist with experience in solving problems related to personal growth. If you're struggling to become more outgoing and can't get over your introversion, I can help. . I conduct consultations in a private office in the center of Moscow and online with the help of. Anonymous and confidential

Resentment, fear, self-doubt, arrogance - all these are reasons for isolation. We are talking about a conflict with the outside world, about a feeling of inconsistency with him. Psychology highlights the media as another factor influencing the lack of sociability. A constant stream of information - both positive and negative - dissolves in itself. Reading the blogs of popular people and seeing how bright they live, you begin to be too critical of your own life and, as a result, seem uninteresting and useless to yourself. And the abundance of information about terrorist attacks, wars, environmental disasters and other difficult events leads to a depressed, quiet, intimidated state. Feeling weak and helpless, a person closes in on himself. You can become a victim of mass communications even in adulthood.

To cope with isolation, people buy thematic books, attend group trainings, practice auto-training, try to communicate more and more often. But lack of communication is a symptom, while its causes are many. You cannot remove the symptom without addressing the cause. Looking for an answer, a person may mistakenly think that he has found the very problem. If it turns out not to be her, he will lose a lot of time and will never cope with the complexes.

Help from a psychologist

How to deal with isolation if you want to let new people into your life? Sometimes your own efforts are not enough, and the attempts made are ineffective, which worsens the situation. In this case, the help of a psychologist is required. The specialist will ask about everything that worries you, listen to your fears and concerns. Together with a psychotherapist, you will see the reason for failures in communication with people. Sometimes one consultation is enough to understand how to behave in order to stop being withdrawn and uncommunicative. If the situation is difficult, more meetings will be required.

As a professional, I am ready to deal with the situation with you and help you learn to communicate with people easily and with pleasure. Communication brings happiness, it is an indispensable element of social life - let's take a step towards it together!

In special literature, a closed person is called a schizoid, less often an introvert. How does he differ from open people, what are the features of his character? Read about all this below.

Main features

We note right away that it is impossible to link the words "schizoid" and "schizophrenia". The last term is the name of a very specific disease. As for the schizoids, these are normal people who simply have their own characteristics. The use of the definition "closed" is fully justified for the reason that the basic qualities of this type of people are isolation from the outside world, closeness. In this aspect, they are the exact opposite of hyperthyms, whose soul is always wide open.

Appearance Features

A closed person in most cases is distinguished by thinness, rather than fullness, density. His face is elongated, the head is often egg-shaped, the nose is straight, the profile is "angular" (observed due to some shortening of the chin). The relationship between a long face, a thin figure and isolation is quite high. However, this combination does not always indicate closeness. Fat people also belong to the category of schizoids, but much less often.

movements

As for the motor features of closed individuals, they are distinguished by low dexterity when making large movements. For this, they simply do not have enough plasticity. On the other hand, there is an ability for delicate and most precise manual operations, which are important, for example, in a watchmaker, jeweler and dentist.

A closed person, as a rule, has a distinct, small, slightly jerky handwriting.

Basic values, interests

The inner world is the main wealth of introverts. The nature of the schizoids is such that they are constantly immersed in themselves. The opposite is hyperthyma, open to everything that happens around them. Closed people value their inner world very much, and they often do not care about the outer world, because it seems to be more rude and primitive than their own fantasies, dreams, thoughts.

The prominent German psychologist and physician Kretschmer compared introverts to Roman villas, whose facades are very simple, the windows are closed, and rich feasts take place inside. Thanks to this colorful metaphor, he emphasized that the difference between the dim appearance of representatives of this character and their inner world is extremely great. In contrast to hyperthym, an uncommunicative person is characterized by restraint and secrecy. It is impossible to tell from him what “feasts” take place in his soul.

Communication

The introverted person in the group generally keeps aloof and prefers to remain silent. His contacts are usually limited to a small circle of friends and relatives. Such people are reluctant to talk about themselves, and you can often hear that information from them has to be literally "pulled out with tongs."

It is not surprising that schizoids have difficulty communicating. Secrecy is explained by the reluctance to share their own experiences. Introverts do not feel the need to contact the outside world, because they are quite comfortable on their own. As one poet put it, they seek to "wrap themselves in the silk of their souls." On the other hand, communication really presents a particular difficulty for them, since schizoids feel their awkwardness and ineptitude in the process of communication.

Kretschmer cited another vivid metaphor, where he compared a closed individual with an infusoria, cautiously approaching an unfamiliar object and watching him from behind half-drooped cilia, hesitantly putting forward the tentacles, and then immediately withdrawing them.

Despite the natural desire for isolation, a shy person sometimes suffers from a lack of communication. This is especially common in childhood and adolescence.

Emotional background

The experiences of those who are closed and sometimes seem paradoxical to others. On the one hand, introverts are distinguished by restraint and coldness, on the other hand, they are vulnerable and emotional. Schizoids show a sharp reaction to everything that offends their own values. Often this is a spiritual response to injustice, rudeness, disorder.

At present, the so-called one of its signs is being actively discussed. Understanding the feelings and moods of others is one of its signs. It is this trait that many introverts cannot boast of. Closed people, of course, suspect that some feelings are raging in you, but they must be informed about this. They rely on what was said, while not paying attention to intonation and facial expressions.

Lifestyle features, attitudes, activities

The inner world of introverts is distinguished by orderliness, and they expect the same from the outer world. Their way of thinking and internal organization are reflected in all actions. For example, it is easy for them to accept rules and follow them. They succeed in the professional field where they are prescribed to act in a certain way. Any deviation from the norm causes irritation in introverts.

At the same time, serious contradictions often arise at work. The desire of the schizoid to always follow the instructions can turn into accusations of formalism. At the same time, the above qualities of introverts are simply irreplaceable, for example, in military affairs or in financial management.

A person who is closed in himself turns a dispute with him into an unbearable process. And all because the introvert is a prisoner of plans, schemes, forms, words. This is reflected in the fact that mental constructions and theories are more convincing and valuable for him than concrete life facts. For this reason, schizoids often find themselves in opposition, preferring not to mix with fashion, the opinions of others, and mass movements. Keeping their distance is not difficult for them. Introverts are often surrounded by an atmosphere of mystery, they are known as originals with notes of aristocracy.

Weak spots

Considering the features of communication with a schizoid, we note that he suffers from an unceremonious invasion of personal space. Such a person never fully opens up even to the closest people. An introvert often surprises those around him at first glance with sudden decisions or unexpected actions. In fact, such behavior is the result of the most difficult experiences and long reflections.

Psychology of children of the schizoid type

These unfriendly and gloomy representatives of the younger generation react very little or not at all to adult criticism. They prefer to avoid big companies and noisy games. Due to a lack of interest, there may be problems with academic performance. At the same time, a closed child behaves in such a way as if he is constantly waiting for some kind of trick from others. As a rule, children of the schizoid type are distinguished by a strong attachment to their mother and find it hard to bear parting with her, even if only for a short time. This is due to the manifestation of fear of being forgotten, abandoned.

Some mistakenly draw an analogy between withdrawn and shy children. At the same time, the former do not want to communicate with others, while the latter, on the contrary, need communication, but do not know how to make contact.

Where does it all start

The psychology of children of the schizoid type is formed under the influence of many factors. Let's consider them in more detail:

The subtlety of mental organization and others of the child. Closure is especially characteristic of melancholic and phlegmatic people. When communicating with their child, parents should take into account that a positive result can be achieved with a sensitive and attentive attitude. Do not rudely invade his inner world in the hope of re-education. Otherwise, the child will finally go into himself, close.

Closure can be due to conflicts with friends, malaise, misunderstanding of peers. In this case, it is important for adults to find out the true reason for the closeness and gently help the child get out of the situation.

Introverts often grow up in families with one child. In the absence of experience of communication with a sister or brother, forced to play on their own, they receive incorrect communication attitudes, therefore, their ability to communicate develops poorly. In this case, parents are encouraged to facilitate the contact of the child with friends.

Lack of attention. When adults try to get rid of the child, he begins to turn to them less and less with his "trifle" problems and questions. As a result, over time, children and parents simply have nothing to talk about, they lack common ground. It is important to bear in mind that the psychology of the behavior of a person who is closed in himself is not formed in one day. Therefore, it is quite natural that parents, for example, after work devote time to some of their affairs. Concern about the situation should be shown when it is repeated systematically. It is important to be interested in the problems of the child, to listen to him.

Restraint of desires, emotions. Even an adult needs to “let off steam” and share their own experiences. And in a child, this desire is even stronger, because every day is filled with discoveries for him. If children understand that parents do not seek to listen to them, then the process of restraining emotions begins to gain momentum. Such a restriction affects not only the overall development of the child, but also his physical health.

dissatisfaction with the behavior of the child. The problem of communication in psychology is considered in the aspect of constant censure. At the same time, emotional contact between parents and the child disappears. Adults strive to ensure that the child is properly dressed and shod, and much less attention is paid to his inner world. The causes of the problem can be very different, and at first glance, not entirely serious. For example, a child of the wrong gender, which one would like, or a child interferes with career advancement. As a result, an inattentive attitude results in aggression, timidity, isolation, resentment.

Conclusion

Topics in the psychology of communication are becoming more and more discussed. The reason is that modern people have begun to realize that mistakes in behavior cause insurmountable obstacles in establishing contact with children, friends, lovers, parents. Understanding the mechanisms of communication allows you to simplify communication, and therefore life itself.

Understand the difference between being reserved and shy. There's a difference between being an introvert and someone who's so shy that they can't even talk to anyone at a party. Introversion is a personality trait, it's what makes you happy and comfortable. Shyness is something else entirely, it comes from feeling fearful or anxious about interacting with other people. If you can identify whether you are an introvert or just a shy person, then this can help you "get out of the shell."

Turn self-doubt into introspection. When there is a feeling that those around you are carefully considering, it is difficult to get out of your "shell". But studies show that most of the time we ourselves play the role of our own judges, and others do not even notice those missteps that seem to us disastrous. Learn to examine your actions from the point of view of understanding and acceptance, and not from the point of view of criticism.

• Self-doubt comes from feelings of shame and embarrassment. We worry that others judge us as harshly as we judge ourselves for our mistakes and failures.
• For example, an insecure person might think, “I can't believe I said that. I looked like a complete idiot." This judgmental thought will do you no good in the future.
• A person analyzing his actions may think: “Oh, I completely forgot the name of that person! We need to work out a way for ourselves to remember names better.” This thought indicates that you have made some kind of mistake, but do not make it the end of the world. It also shows that you can learn and do things differently in the future.

Remember that no one looks at you as intently as you themselves. Those people who experience difficulties and cannot get out of their “shell” often suffer from the thought that others are watching their every move and waiting only for failure. When you are in the company of people, do you spend all your time tracking every movement of everyone who is in the room with you? Of course not - you are too busy with the things that are important to you. And guess what? Most are doing the same.

Fight thoughts of self-criticism. Perhaps you are afraid to let go because of the constant reminder to yourself that everything you do will only spoil the social situation. Perhaps you are overwhelmed by thoughts: “I was too quiet”, “That one comment I made was completely idiotic”, or: “I think I offended so-and-so ...”. We all sometimes make mistakes while in society, but we should not forget that it is given to us successfully. Instead of going crazy over all the worst things you've done or haven't done, focus on the positive. Remind yourself that you were able to make others laugh, how genuinely glad they were to see you, or that you were able to celebrate some important moment.

• "Filtering" is another common cognitive disorder. In this case, a person focuses only on what went wrong and ignores what went well. This is a natural human trait.
• Fight this filtering by focusing on your accomplishments and actively being aware of what you are doing right. You can get a little notepad to carry around and write down all the good things that happen, no matter how small it may seem to you. You can even create a Twitter or Instagram account to capture those little moments.
• When you find yourself mentally focusing on the negative, pull out your list of all the positive things and remind yourself how well you did it all. And what you are not particularly good at yet, you can learn!

• Make a list of all the qualities that you are proud of in some way.
• Nothing is too "minor" for this list! We often get into the habit of downplaying our own talents and accomplishments (another kind of cognitive impairment) by assuming that our knowledge and accomplishments are not as great as someone else's. But not everyone knows how to play the ukulele, or make the perfect omelet, or get the best deals. You should be proud of everything you can do.

Imagine your success. Before you go anywhere, imagine walking into a room proudly and holding your head high, everyone around you is genuinely glad to see you, which makes their response to interaction with you positive. You don't need to visualize yourself in the spotlight (probably the last thing you dream about!), but you should visualize everything the way you would like it to be. This will help you achieve what you want.

Part 2

Build Your Confidence

1. Achieve mastery. Another way to develop self-confidence and connect with people more easily is to learn something new. It can be anything from figure skating to a literary description of Italian cuisine. You don't have to be the best in the world at some activity; the most important thing is to work on it and realize your successes. Learn new things to boost your confidence, expand your list of topics you can talk to others about, and make new friends in the field.

   Step outside your comfort zone. Staying in your "shell" can be convenient. You know what you're good at and you never have to do things that scare or make you feel uncomfortable. The bottom line is that being in your comfort zone completely kills creativity and curiosity. Do things you haven't done before to get out of your shell.

   Set "easy" goals for yourself. One way to fail in society is to expect immediate perfection. Instead, develop self-confidence by setting challenging but achievable goals. As your self-confidence grows, you will set more challenging goals for yourself.

   Accept the possibility of making mistakes. Not every interaction will go the way you expect. Not everyone will respond well to your attempts at rapprochement. Sometimes what you say will fail. This is fine! Accepting uncertainty and outcomes that aren't what you intended will help you stay open to connecting with others.

   • Accept any failure or difficulty as an experience. When we mistakenly think we're failures, we lose the will to keep trying, so what's the use? Instead, analyze what you can learn from each situation, even if it was awkward or didn't go as you hoped.
   • For example, you tried to meet and start a conversation with someone at a party, but that person was not interested in the conversation and left. Sad, but you know what? It's not a failure; this is not a real mistake, especially since you had the tenacity and courage to do it. You can also learn something new from such cases, for example, signs that someone is not interested in talking at that moment, and realize that you are not to blame for other people's actions.
   • When you feel uncomfortable about something, remember that everyone makes mistakes. Maybe you've asked someone how their girlfriend is doing, even though everyone knows that she dumped him a few weeks ago. Perhaps you have realized that you talk too much about your childhood hobbies with ferrets. It's all right - we all do it. Having failed, it is important not to give up. Don't let one mistake made in society keep you from trying in the future.

Part 3

Become more sociable

1. Position yourself as a friendly person. When people begin to show interest in communicating with a person, this is a sign that he is coming out of his "shell". It may surprise you that people describe you as arrogant and rude, and all because you are so shy that you cannot give a positive answer. This can be changed today. The next time someone comes up to you or starts a conversation, give the person a big smile, stand up straight and square your shoulders, and then ask how they are doing with lively interest. If you are used to hiding in your "shell", then this will take time and practice, but the effort is worth the result.

2. Ask people open-ended questions. Once you have started a conversation with a person, it is best to ask a few simple questions about him, his plans or the topic that started the conversation. Questions are considered an easier form of social interaction, as you can talk little about yourself, but show your interest and keep the conversation going. You don't need to bombard your interlocutor with questions or look like a detective, which will make him feel embarrassed; just ask a friendly question when there is a pause in the conversation.

   Start talking about yourself. As soon as you start to feel more comfortable in communication or even with your friends, then gradually begin to open up to them. Of course, we are not talking about the fact that you should reveal all your innermost secrets from the very beginning, but gradually, little by little, start telling something. Relax. Tell a funny story about one of your teachers. Show people a cute picture of Cupcake, your pet rabbit. If someone talks about their trip to St. Petersburg, talk about the ridiculous trip there with your family. The main thing here is not to rush and move in small steps.

   • When people share their experiences, you can open up with words like, “Me too,” or, “I understand you. One day I…”
   • Even by telling stupid jokes or small details, you will more and more get out of your “shell”. When people around you show a positive reaction to your words, it will be easier for you to open up more and more.
   • You don't have to share anything first. Wait for a few more people to do it.
   • Both complete isolation and excessive talkativeness about oneself may seem impolite. If a person shares a lot of things with you, and you can only answer “Uh-huh ...”, then he will most likely be offended, deciding that you do not want to share anything. A simple "Me too!" will show the person that you are involved in the conversation.
3. • When talking to new people, address them by their first name. This will make them feel like they are important to you.
   • Use hints to start a conversation. If the person is wearing a baseball cap, you might ask them what their favorite team is or how they became a fan of the sport.
   • You can make a simple statement after the question. For example, say: “Imagine, because of the rain, I stayed at home all weekend. Helped my mother with a lot of things. And you? Did you do something more interesting?

4. Learn to "read" people. Reading people is a social skill that will help you become more social and get out of your shell. If you learn to catch the mood of the interlocutor - he may be excited, distracted by something, or just in a bad mood - it will be easier for you to understand what to talk about, and whether to talk at all.

   • It is also important to understand the mood of the company; perhaps in a certain group of people they understand only “their own” jokes, and strangers are not accepted into this company. By learning to identify this aspect, you will know how to put yourself in a given situation.
   • If someone is smiling and walking leisurely with no apparent purpose, then that person is more likely to be in a conversation mood than someone who frantically flips through text messages on their phone or paces nervously from corner to corner.

5. Focus on the moment. When you talk to people, focus on what is happening: the topic of the conversation, the facial expression of the interlocutor, who is participating in the conversation, and so on. Don't worry about what you said 5 minutes ago or what you'll say in the next 5 minutes when you get a chance to comment. Remember the part about introspection. This applies not only to your daily thoughts, but especially to your way of thinking while speaking.

   • If you are too busy caring about everything you have said or will say, then you are likely to pay less attention to the conversation and participate less in it. If you are distracted or nervous, then other people will speak.
   • If you notice that you are really distracted or nervous about a conversation, then silently count your breaths in and out until you get to 10 or 20 (without losing the thread of the conversation, of course!). This way you will focus on the moment and stop worrying about the minor details of what is happening.

The next time someone asks you for something, ask yourself - are you saying "no" not because of a good reason, but because of fear or laziness? If fear is holding you, then no “no” and go!

You don't have to say "yes" to an offer from a girl you don't know to go to the "bug lovers" club or to agree to absolutely everything that is offered to you. Just make it your goal to say “yes” more often. You can do it.

Make more invitations. It is important not only to agree to something, but also to become more proactive. If you want to be seen as more sociable, then you should start inviting people to various events or to your home. Start small - invite a friend to play a new console game or for a cup of coffee. Before you know it, people will start talking about you as a sociable and friendly person.

• At such moments, the fear of rejection may increase. Yes, people sometimes refuse invitations, but often it happens because they are busy.
• When you invite people to your place, chances are they will invite you back.

Understand you can't fully change. If you are extremely shy, an introvert, then yes, it is unlikely that in a month you will turn into a talker. Introverts can't truly turn into extroverts, especially in a short amount of time, but they can definitely change their behavior and attitude. Plus, you don't have to be the most extroverted or the friendliest in the class in order to come out of your shell and bring out your best qualities.

• So don't be discouraged if you can't bring yourself to start dancing on the tables and charm everyone you see. You may not want this anyway.

Don't forget to "reload". If you are a typical introvert, then you need time to re-energize after socializing or just because. Typical extroverts are energized by other people, while introverts actually expend energy in communication. And if your "batteries" are dead and you need a recharge, it's enough to be alone for a few hours.

• Spending a lot of time around people is good, but never forget to include "personal time" in your schedule from time to time, even if it seems difficult.

Find your people. Face the truth. Opening up to a stranger and becoming self-confident at the end of the day can be difficult. However, as you become more comfortable coming out of your "shell", you can find those people who will really be "yours" and make you feel even better. Perhaps it will be a company of 5 of your close friends with whom you really relax, sing like an idiot and dance the Macarena. But this core company can help you become more outgoing in public as well.

• If you find your company, it will help you feel more comfortable, gain confidence and, in the long run, stop being closed. And what could be better?

Get stronger than the discomfort. If you're having trouble getting out of your shell, it's probably because you're leaving the place as soon as possible when you feel uncomfortable. You probably slip away, apologizing for your early departure, or just quietly leaving, finding yourself in situations where you do not know many others, do not actively participate in the event, or feel out of place. Well, no more withdrawals. Look your discomfort in the eyes - let it pass through you, and you will see that everything is not as scary as it seems.

• The more you get used to feeling out of place, the less you'll worry about it later. Just take a deep breath, tell yourself it's not the end of the world, and find a way to strike up a conversation, or just pretend you're having a great time.

• People don't recognize you as a person unless they talk to you! If you look pleasant and presentable, then others will be more comfortable next to you! Smile!

Details Created: 06/23/2016 18:21

Before we find out what needs to be done in order to become talkative, there are several reasons why some people are not very talkative, i.e. unsociable.

shyness

First, there is such a thing as shyness. If a person is shy, it means that it is difficult for him to meet, talk with new people due to the fact that he lacks self-confidence. Another possible reason for the taciturnity of some people is that they sometimes have nothing to say - either they understand little of anything, or they have a poor vocabulary. In addition to these two cases, it may be that a person is smart, and well-read, and not shy, but he does not easily find a topic for conversation, is not flexible enough in communication. Because of all these reasons, it becomes difficult to communicate with people.

Let us consider in more detail the situation when a person is not very talkative, he lacks confidence in communication. If there is a high self-confidence - easy communication goes by itself. It is easy to communicate with those who are sure that he is good, capable, and worthy of being accepted, listened to, loved and communicated with him. Insecure people tend to have doubts about this. They are tormented by thoughts: “I’ll come up, I’ll start talking, but will they like me?”, “Will they accept me?”, “Maybe I’ll say something stupid?” etc. And more often than not, instead of finding answers to these questions, they prefer not to communicate. Lack of sociability and isolation sometimes become the norm of life.

To overcome communication insecurities, I recommend taking a few steps. The first of them - try to adequately evaluate yourself. Look at yourself in the mirror and in the end make sure that among the seven billion people that exist on the planet, there is someone better than you, someone worse than you, someone more beautiful, someone not so good. All these people, along with you, have approximately the same talents and abilities. In order to create the right self-esteem for yourself and show yourself that you are worth something, reflect on your skills and abilities, find your merits, remember your achievements for recent times, and make sure that you really are not worse than others.

At the second stage, in order to overcome insecurity in communication and become more talkative, you need to find in yourself the desire to make contact with people. If you find it really difficult to communicate, find an opportunity to explain to yourself why you need it. Motivate yourself. Remember that if you communicate more often, with each new time it will be easier for you to do this, you will become more sociable. If you are afraid of communication, afraid that you will be poorly evaluated, then understand that until you go through the fear of being evaluated by other people, you will not feel like a worthy person. In order to learn to speak, one must speak. And to be talkative, you have to talk. Therefore, even when you are not confident in yourself, you should take a step towards the conversation and train in communication.

The third important point that should be considered in order to overcome insecurity in communication and shyness is to remember that appetite comes with eating. You need to motivate yourself, repeat to yourself that it will be easier further, it will be more interesting, further it will turn out more. But in order for this to happen, you need to take the first steps. These thoughts will help you motivate yourself if you are still having a hard time communicating due to self-doubt.

Nothing to say

Now let's consider the situation where some people are reticent because they have nothing to say. This situation suggests that they think little, read little, think little, observe little. They live more of a reactive life. That is, it somehow rolls by itself, and a person is simply included in this life.

In order to become talkative in such a situation, it is very important to turn on mental processes. There are many ways to do this. For example, when you watch a movie, try to think and understand what was interesting for you in this film. This can be done in writing, or you can simply evaluate, retell, or just think for yourself.

The second approach is called paraphrase. When you have read or heard something, try to retell it. Retelling gives us the opportunity to choose the right words, train our brain and learn how to express our thoughts well and correctly.

The third important exercise in developing communication skills is to try to think about what new did you learn for yourself in some work, in some poem, film, and so on, think about how this can be useful for you. This exercise trains our brain in such a way that we begin to analyze the information, try to understand it, understand the essence and, perhaps, even find the hidden meaning.

Finally, the fourth exercise that will help your development of sociability is simply read poetry and prose aloud. This will give you the opportunity to hear yourself from the outside and correct your speech, if necessary. By regularly doing these exercises, you will suddenly find that you have learned to reflect, express your thoughts, convey your point of view, and so on.

So, we looked at a number of exercises and tips that can help you become talkative in two cases: when a person is not confident in himself, and when he is not used to thinking, reasoning, or is not able to express his thoughts freely. However, confidence in communication is gained not only by the person who can tell or retell something, but by the one who can freely operate on various interesting topics. In order to learn how to do this, it is important not only to broaden your horizons, but also to acquire the ability to think quickly and switch quickly.

In order to be able to speak well, I recommend not only reading a lot, thinking a lot, but also listening to the interlocutor in order to turn on in time and support any point of view, any conversation.

To learn how to quickly switch, you should practice the ability to quickly express your point of view on different topics. There is a game that can help develop this skill. The game is called "The Smartest", you may have seen it on TV. In this game, the child is quickly asked questions, and he quickly tries to orient himself and answer each of the questions. You can play the same game with one of your friends: let him ask some questions on different topics, and you must quickly answer them. Regular training will give you the opportunity to quickly switch, freely operate with thoughts, as a result of which you will begin to speak very well and vividly.