Right action is again based on right intention. If the right intention arises, based on the right view, the right action will follow. All of this creates kamma because everything comes from intention. Speech is based on intent. Action is based on intent. All this creates kamma - good, bad or neutral - and not just for the next life, but mainly for the present moment. Kamma and its results are constantly happening in the present moment. Until we are fully aware of the results, we will not know that they are directly related to what we say, think and do.

Right action is not harming others in any form or form and renouncing cruelty and greed. It is impossible to suppress cruelty and greed. They will appear in a different form. They need to be let go, and this is what we need to practice during meditation. Until we get away from our desires in meditation, there will be no meditation. There will be thoughts, hopes, desires, worries, fears, memories. Until we learn to move away from these states of mind, we will not meditate. Meditation is renunciation, renunciation of everything that wanders in our mind, trying to establish the ego or satisfy desires. Since we don't practice renunciation so much, meditation is difficult for us, but with constant practice it becomes easier. Suppression does not help, but renouncing the desire to think, remember and plan brings the best results. Letting go of desires is the only way to achieve peace, and this experience brings with it the understanding that letting go of desires in everyday life brings happiness.

Right action can be performed by any person under any circumstances at any time, while doing housework, while at work or while in the monastery walls. Wherever we are, and whoever we are, we all do something. We can check whether these actions are useful for others and for ourselves. Even cooking and washing floors must be done with the right intention, not because we have to do it, or because we are expected to do it, or someone might get angry if we do not do it. The main reason for any action is that it is necessary at this time, and we can achieve the goal. By observing carefully and with attention, we become aware of our intentions and views. We see the connection between the mind and body, and do not take into account external circumstances. There is no resistance or reluctance here, we act from the heart. Only then can any action be beneficial.

It is often thought that work is an unpleasant interference with leisure. Obviously, this is a wrong opinion. Leisure can be an unpleasant interference with work. Work is a way to be useful and purposeful, no matter what kind of work we do. This is a way to pay full attention to the body, to know its actions, its movements. It is an opportunity to help, an opportunity to be useful, to gain skills, and to express one's love by working for others. Work, as a way of purification, is difficult to compare with something else. Work is not just for making a living or because someone expects it from us, but work from the heart, as a way to gain pure vision.

Incredible Facts

Before starting, it is worth noting that none of the methods listed below fall under what can be called the "dark art of influencing" people. Everything that can harm a person or hurt his dignity is not given here.

These are ways to win friends and influence people through psychology without making anyone feel bad.

Psychological tricks

10. Ask for a favor

Trick: Ask someone for a favor for you (a technique known as the Benjamin Franklin effect).

Legend has it that Benjamin Franklin once wanted to win over a man who didn't love him. He asked the man to lend him a rare book, and when he received it, he thanked him very graciously.

As a result, a man who did not particularly want to even talk to Franklin became friends with him. In Franklin's words: "He who once did you a good deed will be more disposed to do something good for you again than one to whom you yourself owe."

The scientists set out to test this theory, and eventually found that those people whom the researcher asked for a personal favor were much more supportive of the specialist compared to other groups of people.

Impact on human behavior

9. Aim High

Trick: Always ask for more than you initially need, and then lower the bar.

This technique is sometimes referred to as the "door-to-face approach". You are approaching a person with a really overpriced request, which he is likely to refuse.

After that, you come back with a request "rank below", namely with what you really need from this person.

This trick may seem counterintuitive to you, but the idea is that the person will feel bad after they refuse you. However, he will explain this to himself as the unreasonableness of the request.

So the next time you approach him with a real need, he will feel obligated to help you.

Scientists, after testing this principle in practice, came to the conclusion that it actually works, because a person who is first addressed with a very "big" request, and then returned to him and asked for a small one, feels that he can help you he should.

The influence of a name on a person

8. Name names

Trick: use the person's name or title as appropriate.

He emphasizes that the name of a person in any language is the sweetest combination of sounds for him. Carnegie says that the name is the main component of human identity, therefore, when we hear it, we once again receive confirmation of our significance.

That is why we feel more positive towards a person who confirms our importance in the world.

However, the use of a position or other form of address in a speech can also have a strong impact. The idea is that if you behave like a certain type of person, then you will become that person. This is somewhat like a prophecy.

To use this technique to influence other people, you can refer to them as you would like them to be. As a result, they will begin to think of themselves in this way.

It's very simple, if you want to get close to a certain person, then call him "friend", "comrade" more often. Or, referring to someone you would like to work for, you can call him "boss". But keep in mind that sometimes it can go sideways for you.

The influence of words on a person

7. Flatter

Cunning: Flattery can get you where you need to be.

This may seem obvious at first glance, but there are some important caveats. To begin with, it is worth noting that if flattery is not sincere, then it will most likely do more harm than good.

However, scientists who have studied flattery and people's reactions to it have found some very important things.

Simply put, people are always trying to maintain cognitive balance by trying to organize their thoughts and feelings in a similar way.

Therefore, if you flatter a person whose self-esteem is high, and sincere flattery, he will like you more, because the flattery will coincide with what he thinks of himself.

However, if you flatter someone whose self-esteem suffers, then negative consequences are possible. It is likely that he will treat you worse, because this does not intersect with how he perceives himself.

Of course, this does not mean that a person with low self-esteem should be humiliated.

Ways to influence people

6. Mirror other people's behavior

Trick: Be a mirror image of the other person's behavior.

Mirroring behavior is also known as mimicry, and is something that a certain type of person is inherent in their nature.

People with this skill are called chameleons because they try to blend in with their environment by copying someone else's behavior, mannerisms, and even speech. However, this skill can be used quite consciously and is a great way to get liked.

The researchers studied mimicry and found that those who were copied were very favorable towards the person who copied them.

Also, experts came to another, more interesting conclusion. They found that people who had copycats were much more accepting of people in general, even those who were not involved in the study.

It is likely that the reason for this reaction lies in the following. Having someone who mirrors your behavior confirms your worth. People feel more self-confident, thus they are happier and more attuned towards other people.

Psychology of influence on people

5. Take advantage of fatigue

Trick: Ask for a favor when you see that the person is tired.

When a person is tired, he becomes more receptive to any information, whether it is a simple statement about something or a request. The reason is that when a person gets tired, it happens not only on the physical level, it the mental supply of energy is also depleted.

When you make a request to a tired person, most likely you will not get a definite answer right away, but will hear: "I will do it tomorrow", because he will not want to make any decisions at the moment.

The next day, most likely, the person will actually fulfill your request, because on a subconscious level, most people try to keep their word, so we make sure that what we say matches what we do.

Psychological impact on a person

4. Offer something that a person cannot refuse

Trick: start the conversation with something that the other person cannot refuse, and you will achieve what you need.

This is the other side of the door-to-face approach. Instead of starting a conversation with a request, you start with something small. As soon as a person agrees to help you in a small way, or simply agrees to something, you can use "heavy artillery".

Experts tested this theory on marketing approaches. They started by asking people to show their support for the rainforest and the environment, which is a very simple request.

Once support has been received, scientists have found that it is now much easier to convince people to buy products that promote this support. However, you should not start with one request and immediately move on to another.

Psychologists have found that it is much more effective to take a break of 1-2 days.

Ways to influence people

3. Keep calm

Cunning: you should not correct a person when he is wrong.

In his famous book, Carnegie also emphasized that one should not tell people they are wrong. This, as a rule, will lead nowhere, and you will simply fall out of favor with this person.

In fact, there is a way to show disagreement, while continuing a polite conversation, not telling anyone that he is wrong, but hitting the interlocutor's ego to the core.

The method was invented by Ray Ransberger and Marshall Fritz. The idea is pretty simple: instead of arguing, listen to what the person has to say and then try to understand how they feel and why.

After that, you should explain to the person those points that you share with him, and use this as a starting point for clarifying your position. This will make him more sympathetic towards you and he is more likely to listen to what you have to say without losing face.

The influence of people on each other

2. Repeat the words of your interlocutor

Trick: Paraphrase what the person says and repeat what they said.

This is one of the most amazing ways to influence other people. In this way, you show your interlocutor that you really understand him, capture his feelings and your empathy is sincere.

That is, paraphrasing the words of your interlocutor, you will achieve his location very easily. This phenomenon is known as reflective listening.

Studies have shown that when doctors use this technique, people open up more to them, and their "collaboration" is more fruitful.

It's easy to use while chatting with friends. If you listen to what they have to say and then paraphrase what they said, forming a confirmation question, they will feel very comfortable with you.

You will have a strong friendship, and they will listen more actively to what you have to say, because you managed to show that you care about them.

Methods of influencing people

1. Nod your head

Trick: Nod your head a little during a conversation, especially if you want to ask your interlocutor for something.

Scientists have found that when a person nods while listening to someone, they are more likely to agree with what was said. They also found that if your interlocutor nods, then most of the time you will also nod.

This is quite understandable, because people often unconsciously imitate the behavior of another person, especially one with whom interaction will benefit them. So if you want to add weight to what you're saying, nod regularly as you speak.

The person you're talking to will have a hard time not nodding back, and they'll start to react positively to the information you're presenting without even knowing it.

How to properly manage the finances of your business if you are not an expert in the field of financial analysis - The financial analysis

Financial management - financial relations between subjects, financial management at different levels, portfolio management, methods of managing the movement of financial resources - this is not a complete list of the subject " Financial management"

Let's talk about what is coaching? Some believe that this is a bourgeois brand, others that it is a breakthrough with modern business. Coaching is a set of rules for successful business, as well as the ability to properly manage these rules.

RIGHT ACTION

And the deputy answered him:

1. Observation of reality

2.Data selection

3. Cultural norms

4. Giving meaning

6.Picture of the world

7. Action

One of the most basic modules that we go through, and which is the ideological basis for coaching as well, is called “Right Action”. I myself really like this in this model and therefore I am so enthusiastic about it, I learned it myself, translated it and began to teach: it is initially basic. There are elements in it that, taken individually, can be applied in different areas of life, they are, in fact, about how to think about any phenomenon, they offer a certain way, a model for thinking and making decisions. These elements can be very effective, can be applied by the coach if he has the coaching skills to work with the client, and just as they can be applied to himself in any planning, decision making, trying to figure out what to do, what not to do. what needs to be done and what is the right thing to do in this situation.

Well, “Right Action” is one of those models, very briefly it goes like this: “Right action is when the right people do the right things at the right time in the right place, in the right ways and for the right reasons.” At first glance, this seems like a tautology, and really, what's wrong with that? It is said, of course, that everything must be correct, then the action will be correct. But behind this there is a certain philosophical basis of coaching, including, it is as follows: depending on the time, situation, place, people, etc. The answers will always be different, but the questions remain the same. It doesn't matter if a person organized a business in the 17th century. or in the 19th century. or in the 21st century, whether he trades in wheat, oil or computers, he must answer essentially the same questions: “What to sell? To whom to sell? How to sell? - although the answers will always be different. Questions are suitable for any businessman, and specific answers will be different, depending on what he does, in which country, within which society.

Basically, all coaching models are ways of thinking about things, they help us think things through in the most efficient way, that's all. There is nothing supernatural here, there is no miracle. You see, when people come across specialists, it seems to them that specialists are such scientists. In Soviet times, scientists were treated with reverence: "Scientists proved, scientists said, scientists know ..." - they were absolute authority. At one time I was a young scientist, I graduated from the Faculty of Mathematics of the Leningrad University, and I know how little scientists really know, and how much this knowledge is limited by many factors. For example, from the side I looked at people who are engaged in mechanics, and it seemed to me that they know how to design a bridge so that it does not fall apart, it seemed that they, in general, know everything, that there is a certain theory that explains everything, you just need to take it and apply it. In fact, if the bridge is of such and such length and width, this is one theory, if it is of a different length, width and such and such thickness, this is already a different theory. The main conclusion that I made from studying the sciences that I tried to study (physics, mathematics, mechanics): there is nothing that would explain everything, and it is rather pointless to look for some kind of answer that lies outside everything. Nevertheless, humanity is doing this all the time, and for some the answer is in God, who invented everything and created everything, but no one knows how, for someone the answer is in E = mc 2 , and this explains everything. Although, they say that when Einstein formulated his theory of relativity, there were only 11 people in the world who truly understood him (meaning the general theory, the special one is more or less understandable, he himself explained it very simply: one minute spent in company with your girlfriend is very different from a minute spent sitting with a bare bottom on a hot frying pan, i.e. everything is relative). But it is very difficult to understand what is behind this formula, and I think that those people who understand it, at the same time always understand the limitations of its application. And all our models do help, but they are limited in their application, and from the inside we have to understand that they are just ways of thinking about things.

We can help the client in three ways. The first is to give him your purely human presence. Benevolent, conscious and, if possible, neutral - such an aura, having felt which, he will be able to relax, he will be able to think about the same things that he is already thinking about, but being in a slightly different state. This is an energetic impact that does not depend on the study of the model, but on the quality of the person who works. Therefore, I believe that coaching is a profession that is primarily focused on self-development, the more and deeper you develop, the better coach you will be. It is clear that this is a long process and it is not clear when it ends, and in addition to this, something else is needed. The second thing we can do is help the client gain additional awareness. The third is the knowledge of some models that, in principle, help us understand what should be present in the process of thinking, what necessary elements should be.

It is assumed that in response to some situation there is no universal right action to take, it would be too easy. It doesn't happen, otherwise life wouldn't be as interesting as it is. On the other hand, there are no hopeless situations, in any situation there is an action that is the most correct, we call it the correct action. But it must be clarified, and it is clarified not only on the basis of the situation, that would also be too easy: it would be enough to describe all the situations encountered and find the right actions for them. In general, this is exactly what the consultant does, and, unfortunately, very often something does not work on this. For example, a person files a lawsuit, goes to a lawyer, and he tells him that there are such and such laws, you need to say this and that, and the court will decide the case in your favor. A person comes, says what is needed, and the court decides the case not in his favor, because the judge was in a bad mood or he was bribed, or for some other reason. It turns out that an action that seemed right, in fact, turns out to be wrong, something was missing in it.

In order to figure out what should be present, these parameters need to be saved. Perhaps there are some other parameters, but these give us an idea on the basis of which we can further think for ourselves: what should be present in each specific situation and be correct. At the very least, people should be correct. Very often, when we think about some action that should be done, we think that it should be done by us, but this is far from always a fact, far from always the truth. Perhaps it will be more efficient, cheaper and easier to hire someone else to do it for us, or if you are a manager, to entrust someone else.

In management, this is a big problem for many leaders - they do not know how to delegate, they try to do everything themselves, because they are afraid that someone will do it wrong. It's just a matter of the right people. It needs to be done, would it be better if I do it myself? Perhaps I will do it better, because I have more experience, but perhaps I will be distracted by some particularity and miss something more global from my field of vision. Perhaps by this I will give a signal to the subordinate that he will never learn how to do this and will always rely on me, i.e. there are many negative circumstances that can completely nullify the effect. When it comes to which person to assign to do this, from within your company or hire someone from outside, this should be clarified every time. We, coaches, do not have an exact answer to this question, we must force the client to think about it as much as time, space and energy allow.

Further actions. We are here, the goal is here, it can be reached in dozens of different ways, if not hundreds. What is the correct course of action? Where will fewer resources be spent, where will there be fewer negative impacts on areas that can be influenced? Etc. This is also becoming clear.

About the place. I have held seminars in different places, for example, last year we also had a seminar at this time. It took place in a place that I didn’t like very much, during the course I lost 6 people, I realized that maybe someone didn’t like me or didn’t like what was taught, but I think that half of the 6 They left because they didn't like the place. It seemed financially profitable, but then I realized that it would be better to rent something more expensive, but for everything to be like people have - nice, clean, working atmosphere, etc.

Why are we all doing this? We have some built-in feature that dictates what we pay more attention to, what we pay less attention to, and therefore we do not always fully think everything through. I once taught a seminar on motivational theory, where we look at basic motivations, there was one girl from a big bank. She seemed to like everything, and at the end I asked to write reviews for me personally so that I could put them on the site. She wrote that she was ready to sign a review, almost write a phone number there, but only if I put the entire review on the site, and not the part that I like. I agreed. It was in a hotel, the office was a little smaller than this room, and the extra chairs were stacked in the bathroom. The girl wrote that everything was great, the training was useful, but she does not understand what kind of idiot thought to fold the chairs in the bathroom. I still do not understand how this could affect the quality of the training, but a person pays attention to this, he is a client, and I have to take this into account. I didn't post a review on the site.

In general, this is called “very strong motivation for order”, when a person checks how everything is ordered and correct from his point of view. If two people live together, one has a strong desire, and the other is weak, then this will be a constant conflict. I lived with such a person for a very long time, they tell me: “It’s time for us to vacuum,” I say, “How is it time for us to vacuum?! In my opinion, it will be time only in 3 weeks!” Everyone has their own characteristics, and therefore we must think through. As teachers or coaches, very different people come to us, for example, I don’t care if the order in the room is not perfect, the essence is important to me, if the person is interesting, I will listen to him with pleasure. And the other one will come and say that he won’t spend even a minute in this mess, turn around and leave.

Accordingly, all models show us what should, in principle, be present, what we need to pay attention to. Even if we naturally do not pay attention to this from the inside, then at least artificially, when we know that it is necessary, then we can reconsider some familiar way of acting. This is about motivation. This is serious. It all depends on the reason why the person does it. This determines the ultimate goal, it is different for different people.

A typical case: a certain firm, where owners and employees coexist, their ultimate goals are different. The owners want the firm to get richer, and the employees want to get more money or go to better paying jobs.

I heard that now in Moscow high-ranking managers have a tendency to work in one place for no more than three years. They have worked, they have achieved something, they are no longer so interested, they are also listed on the market, and they have a chance to move to a higher paying job or to a higher position. That girl from the big bank was the director of HR, she said that they are developing a program to keep the tops in the organization because they are constantly migrating. A characteristic phrase from the "Golden Calf": "You are a flyer, engineer Talmudovsky!" It's from the same series.

So the final goals are different, and you need to know what motivates a person, until what moment we go together, and from what moment our paths diverge or what can be done so that they do not diverge, what can interest a person: make him a co-owner, partner, sell him shares, etc. Or initially do not take it, if it is clear that he can throw you at the most inopportune moment.

The method is also important. I've heard conversations in the corridor that even a person can be fired in very different ways, with different returns and with different feelings. There was such a leader who knew how to fire employees in such a way that they left him with a great sense of gratitude and enthusiasm. There is an old joke, the boss says to the deputy:

- You know, Ivan Ivanovich, we will not work together!

And the deputy answered him:

What, are you thinking about quitting?

From all of the above moral: Right Action always exists, the principle is universal, this is what we base our activities on: we try to help the client find the right action in each specific situation. It is dictated, on the one hand, by the situation, on the other hand, by who this client is at the moment. The right action can be very different. It may consist in part of the client's opinion, revisiting his assumptions, teaching him new skills, understanding new roles he may play, or anything else that is developmental. Or it can relate to external, some actions, without focusing on internal change. But in any case, all these things must be there, then we can more or less guarantee that the action will be correct. But everything must be justified and verified. So our task is to ask the client questions and listen to what he has to say about this, to see how convincing he is, how much he understands what he is saying, how sure he is of what he says, how much he checked it all.

Coaching is considered the art of asking questions. In fact this is not true. But within our practice sessions, we will focus on questions simply because we are better at giving answers. Often people say, "Give me a list of questions to ask during a coaching session and we'll figure out how to do it." In fact, there is no such list. What matters to us is not what we say to the client, but what he does with it, and what we do after that. Here arises the ability to listen, observe, distinguish, model and expound. We will talk about this separately.

We must be able to hear and observe how the client reacted to our question, analyze what he said, what he did not say, what type he belongs to, for example, from the point of view of Myers-Briggs. What motivates him, what assumptions he has, on the basis of which he tries to say or do something. After that, a decision is made: either to say something further, or to simulate the situation in a game version or in some other way. But something must happen to make sure that the client has awareness, confidence and understanding about each item. Therefore, there is no standard set of questions, but a set of questions follows from any model. The man says, "I'm going to do such and such, help me." We say, “OK, what kind of people are involved? Why do you think these people are right? What are the criteria? What actions should each of them take? Choice of time and place: why do they do it, what will motivate them? What do you think will help them to help, what can serve as additional motivation? And, in the end, in what ways will they act? If this is all present from the client's point of view, then we have no choice but to ask: "Do you think that our session is over at this point, and are you ready to go and do what you are going to do?"

Right action is, in a sense, a spiritual principle. This is what the great teachers of antiquity have been preaching since the beginning of time. There is a story about Buddha, he was asked what is the truth, and he answered: what works. In these three words, in fact, lies the concept of right action. Truth is what works in a given situation.

It is important to understand that the client or person who participates in planning the right action is no less important than the situation, because it is he who is the set of criteria for correctness. It is he who has a set of assumptions-beliefs that suggest whether this action will be right, whether people will be right, actions, actions, ways, etc. In order for the action to be as correct as possible, it is necessary that the client has awareness of what controls him, and as a result of this awareness, the possibility of change. For example, a seminar from 10 to 19, this may not be very suitable for a trainer, but clients have different assumptions, and you need to compromise or make a decision. Accordingly, in order to be able to change something, you can go two ways. The first is to say that the customer is always right, but as a result, this can greatly reduce the effectiveness of the interaction. For example, despite the fact that my regime is very different from the regime from 10 to 19, I can behave and agree, but I will arrive inadequate and not enough sleep. Then the training will be less effective than it could be, because a lot depends on the leader. The second way is to understand why such a stereotype is more correct for me, what is behind it and whether anything can be changed about this. In order for change to be possible, it is necessary to understand how we make decisions and take actions. This question is answered by Chris Argyris' Value Creation Ladder. Chris Argyris (Chris Argyris) - American scientist, author of many books, in one of them, in collaboration with Robert Hargrove (Robert Hargrove), describes the "Ladder of Creating Values". It consists of seven steps (see Fig. 2):

1. Observation of reality

2.Data selection

3. Cultural norms

4. Giving meaning

6.Picture of the world

7. Action

This is the most complete process, most often it can be described in a little shorter way. It all starts with the fact that we observe reality. I am now looking at you, and this is the reality that I have, theoretically, I perceive everything that is in this room, there are windows in it, which means that I also perceive what is beyond it. I perceive not only with my eyes, but also with my ears, and even with a sixth sense. They say that there was one person who perceived everything with a sixth sense, because he lacked the previous five.

And all this has a very unequal effect on my behavior right now. I can get distracted if something suddenly hurts me badly or I notice that something has exploded outside the window, this can affect my behavior. But since my goal at the moment is teaching, I'm most interested in your reaction, so when I perceive reality, I select data in a certain way. I look at you, and I'm not interested in what kind of shoes you are wearing, but in your facial expression, that's what I judge: interesting, not interesting, whether it's boring, whether you need to joke or take a break, slow down or, conversely, say more . Therefore, not all the data that I see is important to me, but only a certain amount of it. The choice of data is based on my intention, purpose, subconscious basic motivations. You know, there is such a parable. Several people are standing talking - a lawyer, a doctor, a specialist from a funeral parlor and a don Juan - and in the course of the conversation the word "man" is pronounced. For each of them it is not the same concept. For a lawyer, this is a potential client or a certain subject who behaves according to the law or contrary to it. For a doctor, it is a patient. For the undertaker, this is a possible client in the future. For "don Juan" - it will be a sexual object, either a man or a woman, depending on the orientation, which is more interesting to him. There is a selection of data based on a large number of all sorts of levels that are present in us.

After the data is selected, cultural norms are applied to them, they are understood as upbringing, various norms of morality learned by a person, socially acceptable behavior, etc. When applied, the data is given some meaning. For example, I look at a woman and see that she is sitting in a jacket, the meaning that I attach to this is that she is cold. And if in my place a person who is used to very strict behavior at social events, he might think that the person is ill-mannered. There would be another interpretation and other conclusions. For me, the conclusion is that you need to close the window or door, or try to make it warmer, and the other person would think that this woman needs to go out and come back normal. My mother, for example, went to a school for girls only, and they were drilled there to the fullest, and for a teacher from such a school, this would be completely unacceptable.

After the conclusion is made, the picture of the world can change if it does not correspond to it, otherwise a person will not be able to perform an action. Based on the picture of the world (whether it remained the same or changed a little), a decision is made to act.

The action is performed, and immediately there is a feedback from the external reality. The same thing happens here: we observe reality, select data, apply norms, assign meaning, draw conclusions, change something, and take the next action.

Here is such a process. It is described as linear, but I suspect that it is not 100% linear, there can be several such processes at the same time, everything is a little more complicated. But, nevertheless, this is approximately what happens, and often the problem is that we are not aware of all these things. It turns out that we have an observable reality and action in response. If this action is adequate to reality, then everything is fine, there are no problems, the person lives calmly and happily. And if this action is not adequate to reality, then the action needs to be changed, but what exactly should change, the person does not know: whether he chooses the data incorrectly, or whether his cultural norms do not correspond, or something else.

I often give one example, it was very revealing for me in its time. When I first came to the States, the culture didn't seem to be very different in principle, but there were certain things that had a strong influence on my interaction with people. I lived with people I didn't know very well. Our cultural norms, the ones that I learned from my parents, mean that we take care of the guests, cook their food, do the dishes for them, in general, they do nothing. The Americans are different: if you live in someone's house, you are a member of this community, you have the same rights and obligations as everyone else. Stove and fridge are at your disposal. My friends, who also traveled to the States, almost starved at first, because it was unthinkable for them: to climb into someone else's refrigerator without asking. But it also requires your participation in washing dishes, shopping, cooking, etc.

When guests from abroad came to us, my mother escorted everyone out of the kitchen and said that it was necessary to come there only when she called. Accordingly, I also sat in my room and waited to be called. And this tension was resolved only two years later, when I told my friend about it, she, in turn, was told about me by the Americans with whom I lived. Difficulties arise if we do not understand that cultural norms are different, and in order to somehow communicate, you need to be aware of them and behave differently for at least a week or a month, especially since this does not require anything unnatural or antimoral . What values ​​are given based on this? If I know this "ladder", I can assume that since cultural norms are different, I can attach the following meaning: we are different, so some kind of consensus or compromise must be found. And if I don’t realize this, then the meaning will be this: they treat me badly, the conclusion will be to leave or spit in my face, or quarrel for life.

So this is important. It is important for you to keep track of this, and it is important to let the client say this “meaning creation ladder” about a specific stereotype of behavior or action in order for the person to realize everything, then he will have an understanding and choice of what needs to be changed if it does not fit situations.

It's easier with extroverts because they talk about it out loud, they think out loud and say the creation of meanings, they can be caught on it, pay attention to what he said, ask if he really thinks that this is such a value, and should whether it is based on such beliefs. It's harder with introverts because they don't say it and often don't understand it. They have some kind of hidden process going on: there is something they see and then their output. Sometimes you can not understand at all: where did he get it from, how is it connected, it seems that these two things are not connected in any way! There is an internal process that a person does not notice, and this is a hard and thankless job - to try to make him say all this, because in principle he does not understand why. For him, the assessment of the situation and such a conclusion are natural.

If we talk about the role of the coach in the right action, i.e. in making the right decision by the client, then the coach initially explores with the client all of the listed things: people, actions, actions, causes, methods, time, place. Most often, a person can rarely change the external situation, he has to change from the inside. Let's say there is a reality - the law of gravity, and if a person constantly tries to jump out of a window on the second floor and take off, then it is clear that he does not have the assumptions that correspond to external laws. He will not be able to change gravity, so it is necessary to reconsider the assumptions. It will be the job of the coach to help the client become aware of what assumptions they are basing their actions on, compare them with reality, and understand what is worth doing and what goes against something more fundamental than themselves. And finally, try to lead the client to the right action by asking questions about the elements and checking the assumptions that the client makes.

By and large, the role of the coach is that he knows what elements the process of thinking about the right action should consist of. It is important for the coach to be able to apply this principle to himself, because in a coaching interaction any question, any statement, phrase, even gesture (if you are in visual contact), cough, tempo, intonation of voice are all actions, and they everything should be correct as far as possible. If a client needs a gentle session, and you start to put pressure on him, press and act hard on him, this will not be the right action, this will lead to the wrong results. This is something the coach needs to track. Coaching is so difficult in many ways because it involves applying it to ourselves, only then can we model it in relation to another person.

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Right attitude through understanding

Could you say a little about attitude? My understanding of what Maharaj says about this in I Am That is that if I have a concept and I look at it positively or negatively or evaluate that concept, that is already an attitude. Maharaj says that the right attitude is to see the will of God in everything and not the will of the individual. It becomes a relationship. It's right?

I think by that he didn't mean attitude. It is understanding leads to the right attitude, to the attitude of accepting that spontaneous action that occurs, because there is an understanding that I am not a personal performer. Thus, with the acceptance of the fact that God's Will has always created everything, that it is still active and will continue to operate, this understanding will give rise to a proper attitude towards life.

When you say, “What attitude should I develop?” it is based on the still personal feeling of being a performer. If there is an understanding that in reality there is no performer, and if you continue to act as if being a doer, then the proper attitude of compassion develops. Then a proper attitude of tolerance towards others and a proper attitude towards one's behavior in life develops, in other words: the attitude of accepting the highest moral standards for oneself and accepting lower standards for others. “I must do everything with love and compassion, in the best possible way, while others may not have this understanding, so whatever actions are performed, this is not them actions". With this attitude, tolerance will develop.

Is every action of a jnani the "right action"?

If there is true understanding, there can be no questions about subsequent conscious actions separate from understanding. This can be clearly seen when observing a master of his craft in any field, be it industrial production, sports, games or any other activity. The Master never hesitates to apply the principles he has learned. Only the beginner hesitates, for he doubts his understanding. The master works naturally, smoothly, without hesitation, as the principles of action have been absorbed and brought to perfect understanding.

This is what Maharaj meant when he often repeated the statement, "Understanding is everything." He also said: "Once the understanding is true and perfect, you can do whatever you like." Whatever you wish to do, it will not go beyond understanding. If a man really loves his wife, then even if he is allowed to beat her, he will not do it. Understanding can only give what is contained in the understanding itself. If the understanding is not complete, the question arises: “Maharaj, I have perfectly understood everything that you just said. Now tell me, from tomorrow, what should I do!?”

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