Training "Activation of personal resources, development of self-esteem" (for teenagers). Explanatory note. A teenager looks at himself as if "from the outside", compares himself with others - adults and peers - looking for criteria for such a comparison.

Don't let anyone hurt your self-respect In the two and a half years I spent in the Japanese POW camps, I noticed that soldiers who did not want to put up with their situation suffered the most. We needed everything

Chapter Eight Man's Responsibility and Self-Dignity 1. Adam: the first man, but is he a real man? The Bible says that God created Adam, the first, perfect man who knew what it meant to be a metaphysical mind while being human.

Let's talk about another aspect that is important for every woman. This is especially true for Russian women. For girls raised by Soviet parents. For those who have many childhood traumas. For those who have complex female gender scenarios.
It's about women's dignity. Two positions are very common:
1. Dignity is pride. So it's a sin.
2. I deserve all the best, because I am the best (that is, pride itself).
Both of these positions have nothing to do with dignity. The first - develops in women a sense of guilt and their own worthlessness. It is women with this position that allow men to treat themselves cruelly and rudely.

The second position is pride. Which destroys our relationships with other people and interferes with Love. It is from this position that women decide the fate of others, easily break three or four hearts a day, humiliate and terrorize their husbands.
There is nothing to do with self-esteem here. Then where is it? And why is it needed?

Self-esteem is the understanding that I am a soul. And I am a part of God. So, I have everything the same as God. Only in smaller quantities. He is the ocean and I am the drop. Our composition is identical. But the weight is different.

This means that I am good. Initially, I am pure, beautiful, bright and full of Love. I may not behave very well. I may not be very nice. I can get dirty sometimes. But all this does not change my inner essence. Because even under a layer of dirt - I'm still the same clean drop. It's just harder to see and feel.

And this is not pride, because pride is if I consider good not only myself, but all my actions. Even mean, low and ugly.

Self-esteem is essential for every person. Especially for women - it so happened historically that this feeling was gradually destroyed in us.

And we ourselves continued this work, calling dignity - pride. And they began to destroy it as a sin.

Why do you need a sense of self-esteem:

• To build healthy relationships. If I value myself, I will not settle for a relationship that is obviously doomed. I will be very selective in my choice of husband, friends, work. I will look for such people next to whom I will feel good. With whom it will be easy for me to do well and right. With whom I can feel - a piece of God.
• To realize your potential. How many creative people do not show their talent in the world, considering it to be nonsense! How many amazing paintings no one will ever see, because the artist considered himself mediocre and threw away the brush. How many sonatas the world will not hear, because the composer was sure that he was mediocrity. In order to create and show the world your creations, you need to know that you deserve it.
• In order to calmly allow yourself to take care of yourself. This is a big problem for many women - they do not consider themselves worthy of a massage once a week or a new dress once a month. She does not consider herself entitled to leave the house for half an hour, leaving the children with her husband, just to walk. Thus, they deprive themselves of a sense of happiness, and their children - a good mother.
• To receive love. From the world, from people, from parents, from husband, from children, from friends. You need to feel like you deserve it. Then you will not have phobias that everyone lies to you. Then you will not try to curry favor, earn love, work. You can accept it openly and gratefully.
• To give love. After all, in order to give, you must first accumulate it in yourself. And if you do not learn to accept it, you will not be able to give anything. Not to my children, not to my husband, not to the world.

What is the difference between women's self-esteem and men's?

The most important difference is that:

• A man considers himself more worthy if he has achieved and achieved a lot. This makes his self-esteem high and adequate.
• A woman feels worthy when she is loved. And the more people love her, the higher her level of self-esteem.

We often chase achievements, hoping that the next booty or trophy will make us more confident and happier. But if we understand that the most important happiness for us is in relationships, then we can save a lot of time and energy.

And if we remember that we are all drops and we are all children of the ocean, it will become even easier. It's easier to understand that I'm good. Then you can look for ways to cleanse, other patterns of behavior and response.

But this will happen from a completely different platform. Platforms - I'm good. I deserve it. And I want to match my father, the ocean - in purity, beauty and transparency.

How a person treats himself depends on his relationship with other people and well-being in life. If he does not respect and appreciate himself, then the people around him will not do it. Lack of confidence, constant control of one's actions can be called indicators of a lack of self-esteem and self-esteem in relation to oneself. This leads to rejection of one's emotions, disruption of harmonious contact with other people, disappointment and dissatisfaction in oneself and one's actions. Can cause depression and mental disorders.

Why is there no self respect?

To have self-respect means to accept yourself as a significant person. Self-respect gives inner peace and confidence. An important role in the development of self-respect and self-love is played by proper education, because self-esteem is formed from childhood. For example, incorrect phrases: "You must be a good boy (good girl)" or "You will be punished until you understand your unworthy act" lead to an incorrect model of adult behavior. From childhood, a person feels himself an unworthy person. Self-loathing is also possible. You can not say to the child and such phrases:

• you will not make it;
• this occupation is beyond your power;
• he/she will do better;
• do something else;
• you are not strong enough for that.

Examples of such upbringing lead to a lack of aspirations and self-doubt. A person will sacrifice his own interests for the benefit of others, and he himself will not be able to achieve goals or set them for himself. He will have to waste a lot of energy in vain and constantly feel dissatisfied.

If you are faced with comparing yourself with other children from childhood, a sense of self-worth will never appear. Self-esteem will be underestimated, and the chances of a successful life are reduced to zero. The child needs to be explained that he is able to cope with everything if he wants to. That there is nothing that he has not learned.

Self-confidence, healthy self-esteem, the absence of the need to prove anything to anyone and the ability to calculate one's strengths will certainly form self-respect. When a person feels like a person, he will not allow himself unworthy behavior and disrespect for himself and his interests.

The self-sufficient person is

Low self-esteem in women

A woman's self-esteem wakes up when she begins to understand and appreciate her desires. Many mothers and wives are so absorbed in caring for the family that they do not leave time for themselves and their interests at all. They believe that an unprepared dinner or an untidy apartment will be the verdict of a bad hostess. There is a feeling of guilt, depressed mood and dissatisfaction with oneself. A woman must understand that she is not omnipotent, and she can have her own desires. You can't please everyone.

Without love for herself and her needs, she will not be happy and will not make others happy. The atmosphere in the family and the desire of the husband to return home depend on the good mood of the mistress of the house. The world will not collapse if a woman devotes a little time to herself. If you want a cake or chocolates - you need to please yourself with something sweet. The main thing is not to feel guilty about extra calories, because they are easy to lose by walking to the store for shopping.

A woman with signs of her own dignity has this behavior:

1. 1. She is not shy about asking men for help. There will definitely be someone who will help her out of this situation.
2. 2. She strives to fulfill her desires. Do not hesitate to talk about them.
3. 3. Her inner world is filled with love and harmony.
4. 4. Wants and tries to look good. Spends money on cosmetics, salons and new clothes. She does this not because everyone else does it, but because she wants to.
5. 5. Doesn't do anything against his will.

To some, this will seem like a manifestation of selfishness, but one's own ego plays a minor role in this. This is respect and love for yourself, the desire to live life the way you want. A self-respecting woman never runs after a man and does not beg for love. She chooses to whom to respond to feelings and which fan is the most worthy. If a man treats her badly, she will not be in a relationship with him. Having chosen a worthy woman, she will devote her life to him, without limiting herself and without losing self-esteem. A self-respecting lady is filled with love and is able to fill her beloved with strength and energy, supporting him in all endeavors.

woman's wisdom

A man with dignity

Male self-esteem lies in inner strength, self-respect, acceptance of oneself and one's desires. A man who respects himself will not prove anything to anyone. He does not need someone else's approval and it is quite difficult to offend him. But he will always take into account the opinion of another person, if he considers it useful for himself. Believes that self-respect should be based on equality. He does not infringe on the interests of others for the sake of indulging his own whims. He believes in himself and tries to give himself and his loved ones a decent life.

A self-respecting man does not engage in narcissism and does not behave like a capricious and infantile boy. Such a person knows how to make plans and foresee options for the development of events. Under any circumstances, he does not lose his composure. He has a cold mind and a warm heart. Adequately relates to his mistakes and does not make a tragedy out of it. A man understands that he is not a superhero, he has the right to make mistakes, and he needs rest.

A man who respects himself does not humiliate himself and does not humiliate others. He does not compare himself with anyone and does not allow people to do this. He does not admire or praise anyone, considering this an empty occupation. Trying to maintain his own dignity, he will never hurt the feelings of others. He knows how to distinguish vital issues from unprincipled ones, and when faced with other people's interests, he remains firm and calm. He does not suffer from pettiness and likes to take the initiative, if he is sure that he will enjoy it.

In relations with a woman, she also behaves with dignity, respects her beloved and listens to her desires. Protects and cares for her, always comes to the rescue and serves as a reliable support.

abusive relationships

How to raise self-esteem?

In psychology, self-esteem is directly related to the attitude towards oneself. . How much a person loves himself, so he feels himself. To gain self-respect, you need to work on yourself and know the limits of your capabilities. Build healthy assertiveness and learn to refuse. In order to raise self-esteem, you must:

1. 1. Know your strengths.
2. 2. Strive for goals without relying on the opinions of others.
3. 3. Take it easy on the shortcomings and continue to develop.
4. 4. Remember victories for the sake of building self-respect.
5. 5. Do not criticize yourself, but draw conclusions and calmly analyze the mistakes made.
6. 6. Be able to praise and cheer yourself up.
7. 7. Don't compare yourself to others and keep your individuality.

Healthy self-confidence does not destroy relationships with other people and helps in life to achieve respect, prosperity and a high position in society.

To raise self-esteem, you need to learn how to defend your opinion, follow desires and goals. Do not be afraid of obstacles, because they bring experience and make you stronger. Believe in your abilities and strengths, but do not refuse help. Friends and relatives will support if they love, appreciate and respect. It is better to stay away from ill-wishers, they undermine self-confidence, being envious and afraid of someone else's success.

Yes, we all need self-respect at some point. It can be called an additional feeling that helps a person to ennoble his life. After all, if you are not satisfied with yourself, then you most likely see some flaws in others.

Such people are constantly overwhelmed with feelings of inferiority, that is, they think everything, no matter what they undertake, will still work out, not as it should.

Why is there a feeling of dissatisfaction with oneself?

During adolescence, growth processes are still active, and young people can have moments when you feel clumsy, constantly drop something or bump into something, each time getting into an awkward position and sometimes it seems that everything is not right, how to. But above all, a teenager can be frustrated by his limitations.

And all failures are felt twice as sharply, and all because there is still a certain life experience, and therefore it is difficult for him to put up with them. Not a small role in the formation of self-esteem in a teenager is played by parents when they set very high standards for achievement (study, sports, music, and so on). Adults do not think when they say something like this to their schoolchild: “that’s all, it was possible and excellent, but why not the first”, and calling them losers.

Naturally, parents want their children to achieve high results, but do not think at what cost. Of course, parents need to be obeyed and remember that any criticism is good, this is just a way to become better in the eyes of not others, but your own.

You need to stop being offended and find the strength to resist this feeling, try not to get better, but to become yourself. That is, you need to find yourself. And what is needed for this: to try different options without fear of falling, because you can always rise and go further with a highly understood head. And if the parents of the parents have a bad habit of comparing their child with others or even with relatives, then it is better to get rid of this habit once and for all.

Because self-esteem can be lowered in this way and then it is very difficult to raise it, because then the teenager will independently compare himself with others and, for sure, successful and self-sufficient.

And, as it turns out, again a person who is not self-confident, tries once again to cope with his complexes. Or he doesn’t even try anymore, everything falls lower and lower in his own self-affirmation and self-respect. And what a strong, strong-willed person in the end we can talk about. This is how mother's sons and father's daughters grow up.

How can one develop self-esteem and strengthen weakened respect?

1. First of all, honestly look and evaluate your capabilities, and you will surely understand that it is not so bad, that many of the so-called weak points are, in fact, not significant at all. Well, if there are serious shortcomings, such as selfishness, irascibility, then this must be fought and eradicated. But when you defeat them, then the feeling of respect will certainly increase for yourself.
2. Never underestimate the virtues you have. Perhaps the fact that he can lift something very heavy, or bake pies deliciously, or dance better than his peers when attending dances, or he is simply above all, may not seem significant to a young growing up person. But you need to believe that there are people who will admire this talent. Find in yourself just those human qualities that you can brag about, and if there are no such, then you must certainly educate them in yourself. I mean - sensitivity to others, generosity, sense of humor, tolerance, kindness, neatness. They will overshadow all existing shortcomings.
3. Don't fly in the clouds. Cultivate a realist in yourself and set realistic goals to overcome, so it is important that all goals are achievable. With each goal achieved, self-esteem will increase. And you need to remember that only a well-executed robot can bring results.
4. No need to hide and be ashamed of what you have. By sharing and helping others, you can earn great respect from others, and then from yourself. You should always remember that true friends will always lend their helping hand, carefully choose your comrades or people with whom you communicate most often.

Sometimes teenagers can put on "masks" in order to highlight their individuality. Some become "tough guys", party people, etc. But in fact, this is far from being the case, and it does not bring pleasure and does not raise self-esteem.

Therefore, cultivate modesty in yourself and do not forget about your true virtues, but you need to fight and overcome your shortcomings. Never doubt yourself and you will succeed!

Dignity and relationship

Man is a social being who strives to establish relationships with other people and maintain them, while maintaining self-esteem. A person must have self-esteem - this is an invariable factor in a person's achievement of success in any of the spheres of life. A person with self-esteem is able to take absolute responsibility for his life, knows his own worth and does not allow other people to manipulate him. He never gives up in difficult periods of life and is always ready to take actions that lead to an improvement in the quality of his life and the lives of his loved ones.

Self-esteem is formed in childhood, and parents play an important role in its formation. It is they who are able to identify the child's preferences and develop them, which will lead to an increase in the child's self-confidence, and will affect all areas of a person's life. So, if parents notice a child's craving for sports and enroll him in the sports section, his first successes will have a positive effect on his self-confidence, which will lead to success at school, and in the future - in family life. A person who has achieved success in a certain field of activity gains confidence and develops self-esteem. He acquires the ability to resist weaknesses and problems, endurance, willpower, discipline and perseverance.

However, even having developed self-esteem in childhood, it can be lost. It is especially easy to lose self-esteem in the modern world, when almost every second person cares exclusively about their own interests, easily sacrificing the interests of other people. Modern society is subject to the principle “survival of the strongest - the weak perishes”, and therefore it is very difficult for a person with a poorly developed sense of self-worth to succeed. A person's self-esteem can be reinforced by his success. Even small successes can elevate a person's self-esteem to the skies, but also minor failures can bring a person back to earth, causing significant damage to his self-confidence.

Low self-esteem is most often inherent in people who are engaged in a business that does not bring them any pleasure, or live with people for whom they do not have any pleasant feelings. At the same time, the latter is a much more serious factor that negatively affects self-esteem. Despite the fact that a person strives to establish strong relationships with other people, only those relationships in which a person maintains self-esteem will be truly successful. In Bodynamics, this principle is called “relationship”. It is violations of a healthy relationship at one or several stages of human development in childhood that lead to behavioral disorders in adulthood.

Even in the early stages of his psychological and emotional development, the child seeks to establish and maintain a deep relationship with the other world. That is why the process of natural psychological and emotional development of the child will inevitably be influenced by numerous stresses. In the process of experiencing these stresses, the mind and body of the child will build defenses, which subsequently become the basis for the emergence of patterns for building interpersonal relationships, leading to the formation of new defenses. These protections are often painful for a person, but they serve a specific purpose and should not be destroyed. Defenses are a kind of creative survival strategy. Thanks to the realization of this, a person is able to take care of himself and other people, accepting himself and others as they are, and not trying to remake them “for himself”.

Bodynamic analysis focuses on a deep balance and interaction between relationship on the one hand, and a sense of dignity on the other hand. Protection of character structures occurs as a result of a deep human desire to establish and maintain the best of all possible relationships with significant people, even at the cost of losing the main thing that a person has - self-esteem. In other words, a person is able to both maintain a relationship with other people and get out of this relationship. The same is true in relation to self-esteem - a person can both maintain self-esteem and abandon it. A natural condition for a person to maintain his own dignity in the framework of maintaining relationships with other people is respect for himself as a person, ensuring harmony of the deep essence of a person, his desires, preferences, aspirations and needs - with his actions, feelings and way of life.

When a relationship with another person becomes unbearable, the best way for a person to maintain their own dignity is to withdraw from the relationship, internally withdraw from contact and destroy the relationship. However, very often the relationship is so addictive that a person is not able to get out of contact, and is forced to continue the relationship at the cost of losing self-esteem.

Why does a person, instead of preserving his own dignity and getting out of an unpleasant relationship for him, prefer to maintain contact and refuse Dignity? This is because the loss of connection with a person who was previously very dear is frightening, and therefore, in a choice between loss of dignity and loss of contact with a person, a person chooses the first, because the loss of dignity seems to a person less painful. However, another extreme can often be observed, when a person leaves contact in order to maintain self-esteem. This often happens when contact has become so difficult for a person that he sees no possibility of living in it further, and therefore prefers to live in absolute solitude rather than in such painful contact.

So what is the best choice for a person - maintaining the relationship or maintaining one's own dignity? From the point of view of bodynamics, the priority for a person is the conscious choice of such a relationship, in which it will not be necessary for him to compromise with his deep integrity, so as not to sacrifice self-esteem for the right to have contact with a person. Thus, the main condition for a relationship favorable to a person is the establishment of deep contact with other people, which implies the preservation of a person’s own dignity.

All of the above is confirmed by many examples from real lives of people. Often people who live together for a certain time get so used to each other that breaking up the relationship seems impossible to them. However, they are not even able to clearly articulate the reason why they are still with a person who deals a serious blow to their self-esteem.

I remember one real conversation between two girlfriends, which is the best confirmation of the fact that many problem couples do not know the reason that keeps them together:

- "Hi friend. How are you? You look unimportant.”
- “Yes, this is all because of my husband - again, you bastard, he got drunk yesterday and began to pester a neighbor”
- "Wow! Really?"
- "Yes. And then he crawled home and started throwing mud at me, after which he hit me hard.”
- “That's a bastard. He doesn't put you in anything! Listen, have you thought about getting a divorce?”
- (surprised) "Are you out of your mind?! This is my husband!”
As they say, the curtain ...

If a person behaves in this way, it is simply suicidal to maintain contact with him. This indicates that the person who maintains contact does not have a single gram of his own dignity left. Probably, in the distant past, this person was not at all like that - he was a caring, loving and understanding person, gave flowers and gifts, confessed his love. It is for these memories that a person who maintains a relationship holds on. And these memories are so strong that a person is simply not able to understand that this wonderful time is no more, and never will be, and therefore these relationships have no future, and the best way out is to break contact.

Of course, this relationship is an extreme example. Perhaps everything is not so bad in your relationship, and there is a certain misunderstanding between you and your partner - then you just need to talk frankly about it, or make an appointment with a family psychologist. However, one thing should be remembered - a truly loving person with whom you can and should keep in touch will never dare to encroach on your self-esteem, humiliating you and not putting you in anything. If there are infringements on the dignity of a person in a relationship, the latter should seriously think about whether he needs such a relationship. And when you give an answer to this question, look at the situation that exists now, not allowing the past merits of your half to affect the objectivity of the assessment.

Remember, relationships can be created, suspended and even terminated, and self-esteem, at times, is impossible to return. There are so many people in the world with whom you can build harmonious relationships, and you are the one / only one (s), and therefore you should not sacrifice yourself for the sake of a person who is not worthy of you.

End relationships that have outlived their usefulness. Rip them ruthlessly. Yes, it sounds dangerous, and sometimes a person does not understand what will happen to him next. But believe me, if you continue a relationship that brings you some disappointments and troubles, it will only get worse ...