How many had to see families, children, rarely, where you can see a happy picture. Even in the most vaunted homes, where mom is a teacher and dad is a police officer, children are not a model of behavior. And the fault is not that these kids are not like everyone else in terms of development. The fact is that the parents themselves did not figure out the complexes and fears, but they took up raising the children. Children grow up, and here problems begin that mom and dad are simply unable to resolve.
Why I can't get along with people: intolerance
There is such a grandiloquent, but very necessary word "tolerance". This term is used in many sciences, but it means one thing. The behavior of a tolerant person consists in tolerance towards another person: to his views, thoughts, philosophy of life, behavior. (Read also).
If the parents did not explain the phenomenon of this phenomenon to the child in childhood, then a gap appears in the psyche, as a result, when the child grows up, it simply cannot become a full-fledged citizen of society. He may have a good education, be a highly qualified specialist, but it is not easy for him to build relationships with people. And this problem haunts him from an early age. So it turns out that in kindergarten, toys are taken away from him, teachers swear, at school - the whole class consists of idiots, and at work it turns out that the boss is a fool, and colleagues are psychos.
If all this is about you, then it's time to fill in the missing gap and understand that there are no absolutely identical people. We all, one way or another, have "our own, native" cockroaches in our heads. Therefore, to assert one's own ideality and humiliate others at the same time is not the best course of action. But all this can be corrected, because hopeless situations in our case simply do not exist.
Why can't I find a common language with people: such as they are
If you see only the bad in every person, then you will never find a common language with others. After all, there are few people who want to deal with an eternally dissatisfied arrogant. Therefore, let's fill in the gap that your parents once missed. (Read also).
- To begin with, realize for yourself that there are no absolutely perfect people. Each has its own shortcomings. But this is not a reason to treat a person somehow differently. After all, from birth we are endowed with equal rights.
- Do not be prejudiced against people who are lower than you in status. This is true not only for teenagers, often adults behave worse than preschoolers. Understand that social status and the benefits associated with it are acquired. And if something is wrong with a person in life, then it’s definitely not for you to judge him.
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Everyone knows how to communicate, but not everyone knows how to do it correctly so that the conversation is easy, relaxed, but at the same time successful. It is important to know simple rules that will help you learn not only to communicate with people, but also to attract them to you like a magnet.
Why is it important to be able to communicate with people?
A person needs communication in the first place in order to remain a person. A person is a social and social being, for whom it is important to be able to speak, to have a culture, because only during constant communication does a person socially adapt to society.
The next aspect in which it is important to be able to communicate is the mutually beneficial exchange of knowledge. This exchange occurs throughout a person's life, starting from birth. In addition, the ability to communicate is necessary to express emotions and feelings, which are important not only for psychological, but also physiological health.
Establishing connections, realizing a person as a person, making friends - none of this can be achieved without the ability to communicate. By uniting in a group of like-minded people, people are much more likely to achieve all their goals, to achieve something in life.
Not always communication can teach something good, often the wrong company can become a source of problems and negative situations. Therefore, it is important to learn to adopt only the good sides from interlocutors and friends, while not forgetting to get rid of your negative qualities of character. Each person has the right to decide for himself what to adopt from others - advantages or disadvantages, but often people adopt only the good.
Friends play an important role in a person's life, it is important to find such friends who would always be there, regardless of the situation at the moment, but without the ability to communicate, it is quite difficult to find good and true friends. Do not forget about entertainment - they are necessary in the life of every person. Entertainment can be very diverse, ranging from a noisy party with friends and relatives, and ending with a romantic evening with a loved one or loved one, but they are needed, and without proper communication this is simply impossible to achieve.
Simple secrets of communication
When communicating with a person from the very beginning, it is very important to establish eye contact with him, since avoiding face-to-face communication can be regarded as neglect. The next aspect in establishing contact is the ability to listen to the interlocutor, occasionally inserting comments into the conversation, so the interlocutor will understand that he is being listened to carefully. If the topic of the conversation is boring, then you can revive it a little by asking some question on this topic or smoothly and unobtrusively move the conversation in a different direction.
If communication is still taking place with an unfamiliar person, then it is important to keep a distance, not sitting down to him too quickly and not touching him, as this may be misunderstood. With the help of a smile, you can melt the ice in any relationship, the same applies to conversations, since people are very pleased to communicate with positive personalities, the main thing is that the smile is on time and in the right place.
If possible, address the person by name. But you should not abuse and overdo it with this, since the endless repetition of the name can, on the contrary, repel the interlocutor. When communicating with an unfamiliar person or colleague, it is important to find common ground, common interests and topics for conversation.
During communication, you should try to talk as little as possible about yourself and be more interested in the opinion and problems of the interlocutor. An exception is the situation when close friends or girlfriends communicate, such communication usually takes place in a completely different format than a conversation between two colleagues or still unfamiliar people. 
When establishing contact, it is important to capture the mood of the interlocutor. To understand what mood the interlocutor is in, you can just smile at the meeting, as a rule, if a person is in a good mood, he will smile back, and, conversely, if a person is in a bad mood or he is sick, then there will be no return smile. In this case, if the interlocutor is well acquainted, then you can ask if everything is fine with him. However, if this is an unfamiliar person, then no questions can be asked, but you need to talk to him in an even, calm voice, without showing any irritation or discontent, and, no less important, in no case should you be rude.
Communicating with a person, one should not show negativity either in relation to him or in relation to anyone else. Even if there was some kind of conflict situation, then you can’t go over to personalities and insults. You need to try to express to the interlocutor your feelings that were caused by his behavior. Whoever the interlocutor is, it is by no means possible to talk to him in an orderly tone, since this person begins to experience psychological discomfort.
It's important to be. Therefore, it is necessary to try to develop comprehensively. As a rule, there is absolutely nothing to talk about with stupid people, it is very difficult to find a common language with such individuals, and even more so common points of contact. Honesty and sincerity are always in fashion, so in any conversation and with anyone, it is important to tell the truth, be yourself and be sincere.
How to find a common language and learn how to properly interact with anyone, how to converge with them, making a good impression. All these are very important skills in the modern world, which will certainly be useful to everyone, no matter what a person does.
All people in the world are undeniably social beings and cannot live without others. But this does not mean that each of them really knows how to communicate with others and find a common language. Often, many do not even realize what they are doing wrong, and are in no hurry to admit it to themselves. However, communication is an art. Having set out to master it, it is worth starting with establishing contact.
How to get your interlocutor interested in a conversation
Nobody refuses a pleasant conversation. But for it to be such for the interlocutor, it also has its own conditions:
- do not talk about topics that are not interesting to at least one of the people communicating;
- it is not recommended to talk too much about yourself;
- do not explicitly argue;
- it’s not good to hide emotions and pinch;
- it is not necessary to try to fill the pauses that have arisen;
- Knowing when to end a conversation is important.
First of all, the conversation will not stick if the topic itself is not interesting. Any communication always has a specific purpose. If it disappears, then the interlocutor is uncomfortable, uncomfortable. Then the person who continues the conversation on an uninteresting topic will not be perceived as a good conversationalist, and the attitude towards him will not be the best. At best, he will be thought of as just a person with dissimilar interests, but he can also be assessed as boring, narcissistic, stupid. Therefore, it is important to monitor the reaction of the interlocutor.
For the same reason, you should not talk too much about yourself and talk a lot. Such people are also at risk of being misunderstood and misunderstood. Of course, there is nothing wrong with saying a few words about yourself, but if it turns into endless ranting about everything that a person likes and wants to say, then the interlocutor may think that they are not going to pay attention to him here. Also a kind of failure in the mission. Any conversation is truly enjoyable if it is balanced: everyone talks a little about themselves and is interested in opinions and facts about the interlocutor.
Also, no matter how wrong the interlocutor may seem, do not immediately tell him about it. The world is very multifaceted, and each point of view has the right to exist. Therefore, to reject someone else's opinion and prove the correctness of your own is simply short-sighted. And it is not at all necessary that it is the interlocutor who is wrong - it is always better to take a different look at your own position and evaluate it again. Then there will be no possibility of a conflict, and it will be possible to better understand the interlocutor.
In addition to the love of talking about topics that are not interesting to others and excessive love for yourself, this is perhaps one of the most common mistakes. Be tolerant and patient! And if you still don’t want to agree, then it’s not necessary to say “no, it’s not like that.” So a person will immediately feel neglected. It is worth expressing: "Yes, this is true, but, nevertheless ...". In this case, everyone will be happy: everyone will be able to express their opinion and not humiliate anyone.
Another of the golden rules of communication: never hide feelings. Of course, you should not shout or swear, even if something did not suit you (although with normal interaction it is unlikely that it will come to this). There is simply no need to restrain and disguise them - it is better to convey and express them in some convenient way. Because otherwise the dialogue will become heavy and unpleasant. Any unsaid things will create internal discomfort and affect the quality of communication, and this, in turn, will be felt by the interlocutor. Even if there was an idyll before, it will certainly fall apart.
In the opposite situation, when emotions and thoughts are all expressed and expressed, the desire to revive them in an unnatural way, trying to come up with all sorts of insignificant questions and take leftist topics from the ceiling, will not do good. All this will violate the main rule of communication - the presence of interest. If something that was interesting was said, and other fascinating things do not come to mind, then you should just be silent. This will allow you to relax and gather your thoughts to continue the conversation, and will not let you fall into the dirt on your face.
And if you still don’t want to continue this communication after a long pause, then the dialogue has been exhausted. Goals have been achieved. All important and interesting topics are discussed. Time to say good-bye!
How a person perceives the interlocutor
There are many criteria about how to behave, how to look and what thoughts to express out loud. Often, specific people try to impose certain stereotypes of communication, which they represent as the ultimate truth. But in fact, everything is easier. If you want the interlocutor to reach out to the leader in the dialogue, it is useful to pay attention to the following aspects:
- the desire to be useful to the interlocutor;
- correspondence of the external appearance to the goals and nature of the intended communication;
- a story about his own merits (however, not turning the whole conversation into self-praise);
- own health, affecting the external appearance;
- inner health.
Do not be mistaken - even if a person does not know with his mind that the other does not care about him, he will still feel it, no matter how he hides it. Therefore, anyone should be approached with interest. And not with a desire to get something from him, but with a desire, on the contrary, to give him something useful. Then the contact is created, and a good impression is also provided. For the sake of a positive opinion about yourself, which is also very important in building relationships, you should definitely tell something about yourself that in the eyes of this particular person will be significant, significant, because of which he will begin to appreciate his interlocutor. However, it is not recommended to get carried away with this too much: so that a person does not feel flawed and pushed aside in comparison with another.
It is equally important that the appearance and manner of communication correspond to the nature of the acquaintance and common interests. If you meet business people, then, of course, it is important to be in a good suit and look neat and presentable. Speak more formally and respectfully with the interlocutor, but do not go too far. If you meet fishing enthusiasts, then a non-binding T-shirt with jeans and a warm, informal one, in places, maybe even with the transition to familiarity of addressing each other, is enough. In general, it is enough to simply analyze and understand such trifles, and it is fashionable to boldly go to a meeting, fully realizing why it is needed.
And, finally, the basis for everything is your own state of health: internal and external. Those who follow their shape, see a doctor in a timely manner and treat all diseases, and also make efforts to make their appearance healthy, are always in the top of the best interlocutors, and are among the most attractive people. As mentioned earlier, people perceive not only the picture (although it is also important), but also what is behind it. This explains the difference between the conventional standards of beauty and the majority of those individuals who are ultimately considered attractive.
Often, people unconsciously choose what's on the inside over the outside, though they always attribute it all to how the other person "looks". That is why the standards of beauty are very diverse: if they were the same for everyone, then only people of the same type would be considered beautiful all over the world. Inner beauty is part of health. It is very important to think positively, learn to get rid of bad and destructive desires, overcome, grow above yourself, come to meet people, only wishing them all the best. Then life will improve, and the attention of other people will be ensured!
All of the above communication rules and recommendations are universal. They always act and create meaning in communication as such and, as a result, the desire to make contact. Moreover, all these points are very flexible and allow you to freely express yourself without hurting the interlocutor's pride. So with them you can always succeed both in conversation and in life! Try to find a common language!
All for now.
Sincerely, Vyacheslav.
Why we do not understand each other- not otherwise, because we communicate in different languages or dialects, then how to find a common language; maybe I don't understand you because I'm dumb and you're deaf; or we are both deaf and dumb, and even blind ... or maybe we just don’t want to, we don’t know how to understand each other ...
One way or another, without understanding between two or more people, without finding a common language for communication and interaction: whether in the family, with parents, children and adolescents, at work, in society and politics, in love and friendship - people will not be able to constructively solve common, work and business, personal and family problems, establish harmonious relationships, simply, they will not be able to communicate normally: love, make friends, raise children, grow personally and build a career or business.
Why do people not understand each other, speaking the same, but not a common language
Problems of misunderstanding between people, frequent contradictions, quarrels and conflicts, can be not only due to banal psychological incompatibility, but also in the inability to listen, and most importantly, to hear the interlocutor; inability to perceive children's speech; unwillingness to treat with understanding and empathy the desires and needs of another person.Often, the egocentrism left from youth, or the heightened own psychological defense "projection", coupled with the accentuation of character and the difference in the interhemispheric asymmetry of the brain, make people do not understand each other, although they communicate, speak the same language and dialect.
But the key place in this problem is occupied by the personal worldview of each individual, his model of the world, a deep conviction about himself, others and the world as a whole, as well as the main representative (sensory) system of a person associated with perception, i.e. vision (visual) , hearing (auditory), and touch (kinesthetic), to the latter one can add taste and smell.
How to learn to understand each other and how to find a common language
Often, when trying to convey, as it seems to us, useful information, in the form of advice and recommendations, to the interlocutor, instead of gratitude, we meet, at best, indifference, and even hostility.This happens because we, as it were, drive our thoughts and ideas into someone else's, sometimes closed consciousness, trying to break through someone else's perception, someone else's shell. Such an action is perceived as an attack, as a threat.
What to do? How to learn to understand each other and find a common language?
The first thing we can do is take our time and take a closer look at our interlocutor, or rather, at his body language. With the help of facial expressions, gestures and postures, you can determine how a person relates to your information.
Second, you need to define its representational system, i.e. who is our interlocutor: visual, auditory or kinesthetic.
And on the basis of the received data about your counterpart, it is possible to build bridges of constructive dialogue and communication, i.e. you can solve joint tasks and problems, as well as introduce your thoughts and ideas.
But first, before studying another person, you need to determine your own body language and leading sensory system.
If you learn how to do this, if you can pick up, find a common body language and match the representative system of the interlocutor, then you will easily communicate and interact, i.e. understand each other.
In the next article, you will learn how to find
