Human emotions and feelings are specific ways people respond to changes in the internal or external environment.

The main characteristics of an emotional-sensory experience include:

a certain level of excitation (a general change in the speed and intensity of the course of mental, motor and vegetative processes);

a sign (what value - positive or negative - does an event, object, person have for the subject);

objectivity (focus on something or someone, targeting of the relationship);

modality, or the content and quality of emotions and feelings (for example, surprise, joy, anxiety, sadness, etc.).

It is the presence of a sign that distinguishes emotional-sensory experiences from all other reactions of the organism to the environment. Through emotions, a person identifies dangerous and non-dangerous, pleasant and unpleasant, makes a choice of a behavior model that corresponds to his actual needs, and in interpersonal relationships - the choice of partners, ways and means of interacting with them.

How can emotions and feelings regulate human behavior and relationships with other people? How do our feelings show up?

Usually, the following forms of manifestation of emotions are distinguished:

expressive movements or reactions

emotional actions

statements about experienced emotional states

Expressive movements- a consequence of emotional arousal (i.e., they are, as a rule, reactive in nature), this is an external manifestation of emotions. Each emotion is accompanied by physical changes in facial expressions, body, voice, and appearance in general. In this way, our senses let us know how people, ideas, and environments affect us.

Emotional actions performed to express or reduce an emotional state. Thus, the behavior of a person who, shocked by the news of the death of his relative, begins to sob and collapses into an armchair without strength, is a form of expressive emotional reaction; when this person puts on mourning clothes, talks about how sad he is, participates in the funeral ceremony, sobs and wails, he performs specific emotional actions, that is, actions caused by emotion and aimed at expressing this emotion and " discharge". Emotional actions can represent complex organized activities. For example, in order to express his anger, a person can write an op-ed or a satirical pamphlet. Emotional actions can be caused not only by experienced emotions, but also by completely different reasons, for example, the desire to earn approval or the fear of causing someone's displeasure.

Emotional statements act as an intermediary between the individual and his emotion. A mature emotion is accessible to mediated regulation, reflection, the main means of which is speech. In the process of socialization, a person from an object of natural spontaneous emotion, when he is inseparable from it (for example, a newly born child), turns into a subject of emotion, distinguishing himself as a subject of experience, including due to what he can say about what he feels. This process underlies the management of emotions and feelings.

Thus, emotions and feelings perform a regulatory function in the interaction between people due to the fact that they appear as a complex form of behavior, as a willingness to act in a certain way in relation to certain people. So, to hate someone means to be ready to act aggressively towards him or to defend himself against him. To be jealous of someone means to distrust the words and actions of your partner regarding close relationships, perhaps to follow him or provoke him into a quarrel, etc.

It is by the observed actions and reactions that one can determine what feelings a person is experiencing.

Emotional behavior differs significantly at different levels of communication and in different social situations.

For each level of communication, the most strategically significant is a certain level of mutual understanding, coordination and agreement, assessment of the situation and rules of conduct for each participant. The ability to understand the situation, bring the expression of one's emotions and behavior in line with it, as well as in line with the behavior of other people, is a necessary condition for joint life.

For example, at the social role level, what matters is not a sincere expression by a person of what he really feels, and not a sincere acceptance of feelings expressed by others, but correct, from the point of view of others, behavior in a particular situation. This is the outer behavioral level of understanding. The expediency of such an understanding is due to the fact that social-role communication is largely of a ritual nature. The sincere feelings of its participants may be caused by circumstances that have little to do with this situation. For example, a teacher taking an exam perceives the response of a student who demonstrates an energetic business mood much better than the feeling of anxiety, uncertainty, or fear that is natural for him at that moment.

If at the business level of communication the role of emotional manifestations is minimal, then at the intimate-personal level it becomes crucial, while the partner’s ability to take into account true feelings and states becomes especially significant. Accordingly, being in a psychologically close relationship with the interlocutor, it is necessary to take into account hidden feelings, while in social-role contacts, one should first of all respond to demonstrated emotions. In relationships with especially close people, even hiding resentment, irritation or love, a person still hopes that the partner will feel his true state. And if close people take into account not only the demonstrated, but also the hidden state, this causes a feeling of gratitude. In the case when a close person, whose position, as it seems to us, obliges to a true understanding, suddenly begins to react only to demonstrated feelings, resentment and discontent jumps up sharply. We expect objectivity from outsiders, with whom we have mainly business relations. This is not enough for friendship. What is needed here is sympathetic understanding and a willingness to accept the other as a whole, even with his shortcomings.

Friendly or intimate-personal relations between people, based on feelings and emotions, are never even, just as the emotional state of a person is never infinitely even.

First, the emotions held back at other levels of communication are looking for their expression, “ejection” and, in their entirety, fall upon the one who, in our opinion, deserves special trust.

Secondly, with the growth of trust, the exactingness of a person to the one whom he considers close also grows. Since the inner world of one is open to another, he must understand not only what is said and demonstrated, but also what remains unspoken and unrevealed. A person is very hurt if a loved one does not find a response to his feelings. Some burdensomeness of such an emotional onslaught, which can be expected from a loved one at any time and in any place, is fully justified by the fact that the person himself, in turn, has the same opportunity for the manifestation of emotions.

Bringing down their emotions on a loved one, people, as a rule, do not need an attentive (psychotherapeutic) listener, they need a no less violent response, maybe even somewhat provoking an even more open manifestation of their condition. The ability to express emotions openly performs an important function in maintaining and maintaining not only physical but also mental health.

Of course, we should not forget that this kind of relationship is possible only between very close people, and even with the most trusting relationship in the manifestation of claims, resentments, whims, there is a certain measure. Due to the deep human need to have at least periodically the opportunity to fully frankly express their emotional states, allowing them to relax, relieve tension, there is a need for a person with whom relations can be of a trusting nature, based on the reciprocity of feelings and affections.

However, a serious problem with emotional behavior is that most people not only feel uncomfortable when others express strong feelings, but also do not recognize, much less accept, many of their own feelings. We understand that feelings are natural. We know that the ability to feel is exactly the same part of any human being as the ability to think and reason logically. We recognize the inferiority of someone who looks only thinking about life and does not look like a feeling person, that is, he does not love, does not enjoy, does not get angry and does not take offense at what is happening around him. We know all this and yet we believe that feelings are destructive, that they create many obstacles and problems in our lives and work with others. Habitual behavior is variations on the theme: “Don’t worry like that.” To a person who is upset, discouraged, or depressed, we usually say, “Cheer up!” “Hold on!” "Tears of sorrow will not help!" "Everything will be fine." In short, "Don't feel like that." To a grieving or offended person, we advise: “Don't cry. Think of something nice.” To the one who is irritated, we say: “Calm down. You shouldn't be angry about it. Let's be objective." To the one who feels joy and contentment, we warn: “Be careful. Happiness always comes with misfortune.” In a wide variety of group meetings, we urge each other: “Let's not let feelings take over. Let's be prudent."

However, feelings are not the source of difficulties in dealing with others, but the way we show them, or bad experiences in dealing with them. The feelings we try to hide don't go away. They stay with us until, sooner or later, they find a way out. The problem is that when they are held back too long, they will either show up inappropriately strong or be directed to the wrong target. Instead of telling your spouse that you don't like being interrupted all the time, you can yell at your kids to "Shut up." Of course, there are situations when feelings cannot be shown properly in this moment. However, much more often their manifestation is not only necessary, but also extremely important.

Insufficient emotional expressiveness (however, as well as excessive), its inadequacy to the conditions is one of the most important sources of conflict in interpersonal relationships. Excessive restraint in the manifestation of emotions and feelings leads to the fact that a person is perceived as cold, indifferent, arrogant. Sometimes it causes only surprise, sometimes it gives rise to hostility and becomes an obstacle to establishing normal relations between people.

The consequences for interpersonal relationships that concealment, concealment, indecision in the manifestation of feelings entails, can be as follows:

unmanifested feelings create an atmosphere of misunderstanding, distortion, biased judgments and actions. It becomes much more difficult to solve interpersonal problems. Conversely, the quality of the relationship is greatly improved if the partners are free to express both positive and negative feelings.

long-term suppression of feelings can eventually cause the person to be unable to feel at all.

My motto for life. Of course, it still takes me to extremes, but I can’t be in them for a long time. In any situation, I strive to take the "golden mean". Keeping a balance between feelings, thoughts and actions, you can easily manage your well-being, your actions, your life in general.

So, feelings, thoughts and actions (soul, mind and body) are three pillars on which the harmony of the inner world rests. If one of the components is ignored or, on the contrary, exorbitantly inflated, then obviously expect certain difficulties.

Actions excluded

All utopian ideas of the device of the world from this series. Often divorced from the realities of life, they never find embodiment. There are a lot of ideas and plans, a lot of emotions about this, but hands do not reach concrete actions. The constant postponing of important matters for later in foreign psychology is called the terrible word "procrastination".

Oblomov is an exaggerated image of a man who dreamed all his life, lying on the couch. He had aspirations, there were certain obligations, but he could not escape from the captivity of a cozy dressing gown. There was a moment when he fell in love and woke up from hibernation. True, it did not last long and he "fell asleep" again.

Oblomov would benefit from thinking less, acting more, taking risks and leaving his comfort zone. Let slowly, but still move towards your goal. Undoubtedly, doubts and fears will overcome along the way. Mistakes and misconceptions are also not spared. Only, with nothing comparable, the feeling of satisfaction from the results obtained is the best reward for anyone who has decided to devote his life to a certain goal.

Feelings excluded

A whole piece of painful memories is isolated, and with them all other feelings are blocked. Such "insensitivity" indicates a strong mental trauma. It seems so easier, calmer, but ALL feelings and spontaneous desires disappear from life. All that remains is tyranny for yourself and those around you.

A kind of cracker and workaholic in one bottle lives on the machine, demands from everyone, including himself, the impossible. I recall the corrosive, evil old man Scrooge from Charles Dickens' book "A Christmas Carol", which does not cause sympathy. Such people are in dire need of unconditional love, but do not allow themselves to admit it.

It is vital for Scrooge to learn to be in touch with his feelings, to express his emotions, to show his vulnerability, hidden behind bilious irritability and indefatigable thirst for work. Only long-term psychotherapy can bring feelings back into his life. In Dickens's book, the role of the psychotherapist was played by the spirit of Christmas. An encounter with the ghosts of the past has led to the transformation of a grumpy curmudgeon into a good-natured old man.

Excluded thoughts

Romantic aura of dreams and impulsive actions. Recklessness and immersion in their feelings pushes them to incredible "feats". In reality, such people first act and then think. As a result, they end up in various ridiculous situations, because of which they themselves then suffer.

Charming madman Don Quixote, in a spiritual outburst, defending the honor of his lady of the heart, distorts reality, ignores alarm signals. The most useful thing for him will be to realize the reality, to find out the causes and consequences of his own emotional impulses, to discern behind the need for fame a blind struggle with "windmills".

A story or a film is our life under a magnifying glass. Any feature appears clearly, which makes it possible to consider it from all sides. Real life masks, obscures sharp features in such a way that you can’t figure out right away what’s what.

Advice that social networks are full of: “express your feelings”, “be conscious”, “take risks, leave your comfort zone” in isolation from a specific situation only harm, as they serve as an excuse for your own behavior. It should be remembered that these recommendations of a psychologist, first of all, are necessary for people who, for various reasons, cannot follow them on their own.

Knowledge alone is not enough for change. If such distortions occur constantly, cause significant trouble, then you should seek the advice of a psychologist.

In conclusion, an excerpt from Pavel Rakov's show "My beautiful ...". Despite his dubious methods, this is an excellent example of the perfect combination of soul, mind and body.

To understand what feelings are, you need to understand by what criteria they can be evaluated. Criteria is another basis for classification.

Criteria serve to ensure that experiences can be measured, characterized and called a word, that is, defined.

There are three criteria for feelings:

1. valency (tone);
2. intensity (strength);
3. sthenicity (activity or passivity).

The table of feelings No. 1 allows you to characterize any complex experience:

For example, a person may experience a positive strong sthenic experience. It could be love. If the intensity of sensations is weak, it is just sympathy.

The table of feelings, characterizing experiences, does not allow us to call them a word. The name can only be guessed. A person does not always have enough knowledge and experience to decide how to correctly name the emotional excitement experienced. This is not surprising, since there are a lot of them. However, some people cannot even name ten feelings, and yet so many, on average, a person experiences every day.

The third basis for classifying socially conditioned experiences is based on the underlying emotion.

American psychologist Paul Ekman identified seven basic emotions:

• joy;
• sadness;
• anger;
• fear;
• astonishment;
• disgust;
• contempt.

The table of feelings No. 2 involves the search for the name of the experienced emotional experience, starting from the first four basic emotions:

BASIC EMOTION	DERIVATIVES
Fear	Anxiety, confusion, panic, nervousness, distrust, uncertainty, insecurity, apprehension, embarrassment, anxiety, doubt and others.
Sadness	Apathy, despair, guilt, resentment, concern, sadness, depression, weakness, shame, boredom, longing, depression, fatigue and others.
Anger	Aggression, rage, disgust, rage, anger, envy, hatred, discontent, disgust, intolerance, disgust, contempt, neglect, jealousy, annoyance, cynicism and others.
Joy	Cheerfulness, bliss, delight, dignity, trust, curiosity, relief, revival, optimism, peace, happiness, peace, confidence, satisfaction, love, tenderness, sympathy, euphoria, ecstasy and others.

The second table of feelings complements the first. Using these two, one can understand what kind of power has taken possession of the mind and heart, how to describe and call it. And this is the first step towards awareness.

List of moral, intellectual, aesthetic feelings

To the question: “what are the feelings”, each person can give his own answer. Someone often experiences strong and deep feelings, while for someone they are light and short. The ability to feel depends on the temperament, character, principles, priorities and life experience of the individual.

Most often, feelings are classified depending on the sphere in which the object of experience is located:

• Moral

These are sympathy and antipathy, respect and contempt, attachment and alienation, love and hatred, as well as feelings of gratitude, collectivism, friendship and conscience. They arise in relation to the actions of other people or their own.

They are conditioned by the moral norms accepted in society and acquired by the individual in the process of socialization, as well as his views, beliefs, worldview. If someone else's or one's actions correspond to moral standards, satisfaction arises; if not, indignation arises.

• intellectual

A person also has such experiences that arise in the process of mental activity or in connection with its result: joy, satisfaction from the process and result of work, discoveries, inventions. It is also inspiration and bitterness from failure.

• aesthetic

Emotional unrest arises when perceiving or creating something beautiful. A person experiences incredible sensations when he sees the beauty of the Earth or the power of natural phenomena.

A person feels a sense of beauty when looking at a small child or an adult harmoniously built person. Beautiful works of art and other creations of human hands can cause delight and elation.

Since this classification does not reveal the entire palette of feelings, it is customary to classify them for several more reasons.

What is the difference between feelings and emotions

All people experience emotional experiences and excitement, but not everyone knows how to name them and express them in words. But it is precisely the knowledge of what feelings are that helps not only to correctly determine, but also to control, manage them.

Feelings are a complex of experiences associated with people, objects or events. They express a subjective evaluative attitude towards real or abstract objects.

People in everyday life and some psychologists use the words "feelings" and "emotions" as synonymous words. Others say that feelings are a kind of emotions, namely higher emotions. Still others share these concepts: emotions are classified as mental states, and feelings as mental properties.

Yes, there is a direct relationship between them, because they are human experiences. Without mental unrest, the individual would not live, but exist. They fill life with meaning, make it diverse.

But still, there are significant differences between feelings and emotions:

• Emotions are innate and instinctive reactions of the body to changes in the environment, feelings are social experiences developed in the process of upbringing and learning. A person learns to feel, everyone knows how to express emotions from the moment of birth.
• Emotions are difficult to control by willpower, feelings are easier to manage, despite their complexity and ambiguity. Most of them arise in a person's mind, emotions are often not recognized, as they are associated with the need to satisfy an instinctive need.
• The feeling changes, develops and fades away, varies in strength, manifests itself in different ways, can develop into its opposite, emotion is a certain reaction. For example, if a person feels hatred for another person, it is possible that this experience will develop into love, and the emotion of fear is always fear, regardless of the object (it can be unreasonable). Fear is either there or it isn't.
• Emotions have no subject correlation, feelings do. They are experienced in relation to something or someone differently. For example, loving a child is not the same as loving a spouse. And for example, bewilderment is always expressed in the same way, regardless of what specifically causes it.
• Feelings are a stronger motivator than emotions. They induce, inspire, push to commit acts in relation to the object to which they are directed. Emotions only give rise to actions in the form of responses.
• Emotions are short and superficial, albeit vivid manifestations, and feelings are always complex and strong emotional disturbances.

It can be difficult to determine when a combination of emotions will give rise to a feeling, and what higher experience is expressed in a particular series of emotional manifestations. These are close, accompanying phenomena, but still they need to be distinguished. A person is responsible for his highest emotions and for the actions that they entail.

How to manage your feelings

When strong feelings and worries take possession of a person, even if they are positive, the psychological balance is disturbed.

For psychological health and well-being, you need to be able to measure how to enjoy positive feelings, and be upset by negative ones.

To cope with excessive sentiments that prevent you from responding adequately and acting reasonably, you need to:

1. Characterize emotional sensations: determine valency, intensity, sthenicity (Table of feelings No. 1).
2. Determine the underlying emotion. Choose what the experience is more like: fear, sadness, anger or joy (Table of Feelings No. 2).
3. Decide on the name and try to understand the experiences on your own.

Sometimes spiritual impulses take possession of a person so much that he literally cannot sleep or eat. Prolonged strong experiences are stressful for the body. It is not for nothing that nature intended that even a bright period of falling in love, when the blood is oversaturated with adrenaline, oxytocin and dopamine, does not last long, developing into a calm and thorough love.

Each person must have his own table of feelings if he wants to be a conscious person.

The eternal dispute between the mind and the heart is the question of the ability to regulate emotional, sensual impulses through the mind.

Experiencing deep and powerful experiences, a person lives life to the fullest. Limiting your sensitivity is unwise, and sometimes simply impossible. It's all about what experiences a person chooses: positive or negative, deep or superficial, real or fake.

Our feelings and actions

Classroom hour

On the prevention of suicidal behavior among adolescents

2012 - 2013 academic year

Pilyuchenko Evgenia Vyacheslavovna

English teacher

Class teacher 5th grade

Theme: Our feelings and actions

Target: the formation of a positive image of I, the uniqueness and originality of not only one's own personality, but also of other people, the development of a sense of tolerance, the upbringing of a positive attitude towards one's own life and the life of others.

ICT: multimedia complex.

materials: presentation, soft cube, rubber toy, soft toy, matryoshka, typewriter,

Plan

Orgmoment

Reporting the topic and objectives of the lesson

Sense organs and internal sensations

Difference of feelings

Manifestation of inner feelings

Summarizing

Class hour progress

Organizing time

Hello guys. I am very glad to see you today at our lesson.

Presentation of the topic and objectives of the lesson.

Today, I would like to start class hour with the following question: What do you think this feeling is?

A feeling is an intuitive, unconscious sensation of something.

Do you think a person can live without feelings?

Of course not. There is a saying “If a person did not give in to feelings, he would hate life and would like it to end as soon as possible or never begin.”

So today we will talk about the feelings of a person. What feelings do people experience, and what actions should be taken when we experience this or that feeling? The theme of our class hour: "Our feelings and actions"

sense organs in and inner feelings

So, let's figure out what a person's feeling is.

A feeling is a person's subconscious, some kind of feeling.

You have different items on the tables. Please look at them and describe them. What are they? (rubber, plastic, multi-colored) Through what feeling did you understand this? - Through sight.

Now take them in hand. What can you tell me about these items. What are they? (soft, rough, smooth, hard)

How did you get it? - Feel it with your hands.

The sense by which we sense the quality of an object is called touch.

We looked at these objects and touched them. We used sight and touch.

And now, please, one who wishes to come to me. I blindfold him and ask him to answer. What smell does he smell?

(slices of tangerine or orange. The child must say what smell he smells). Please try now. What can you say. - Delicious, sour.

Tell me how your classmate felt. - Sense of taste and smell.

Correctly. And when you listen, when teachers say something to you, what feeling is being used at that moment - Hearing.

So, there are 5 physical senses of a person. Sight, touch, smell, taste and hearing.

But, in addition to physical feelings, there are other feelings.

Let's look at the pictures. What can you say about these people? What feelings do they experience?

Joy

So, feeling is not only the physical ability to feel an object, its smell, shape and color, but it is also our internal state. We are happy or sad, scared or calm.

Difference of feelings

Let's listen to the music and think about how it makes us feel:

1 tune - sad

2 melody - cheerful

3 melody - mysterious

Manifestation of internal human feelings

Look at this photo (sad man)

What can you say about a person's feelings? - he is sad, sad

Why is he like this? - maybe something happened

What would a person want to do in such a state? - to be alone, not to talk to anyone, to get away from everyone, etc.

If you see your friend or your parents in such a state, what will you do? I'll go up and talk to him, try to cheer him up.

How can you make a person happy? - Eat something sweet. Listen to music. Play - and the mood will rise. Let's play a little. Each of you will get a role. I will tell the tale of the turnip. And when you hear your role, squat down. - turnip

So, you know what to do when you're sad.

Let's now look at the next photo. (Evil person)

How does this person feel? - angry, dissatisfied.

Why is he like this? - something is dissatisfied, something is wrong.

What would a person want to do in such a state? - fight, hit something, tear, etc.

If you see your friend or your parents in such a state, what will you do? - I'll try to calm down, talk, pour tea.

You can think of something pleasant and do a soothing massage. Let's try a facial massage.

First, massage the scales, under the eyes, neck, behind the ears, etc.

The next photo is a cheerful person

How does this person feel? - they're happy

Why? Because together, everything is fine.

What do you like to do when you are having fun?

Photography is guilty

How does this person feel? - he ashamed

Why? - did something wrong

What do you like to do when you are ashamed? -

What would you suggest? - confess and try not to commit more such acts.

Summarizing

So, human feelings are a unique phenomenon, without which it is impossible to live. It is important to be able to correctly understand the feelings of your own and those of your loved ones.

Feelings, human feelings,

Who let them play?

Feelings are sacred!

Feelings must be respected!

Just see, understand, try,

Understand a person's feelings.

You have to try really hard

Seeing a heavy misfortune

Distinguish resentment from joy

And understand betrayal and malice.

Find a way out of the situation

Enter into a human position.

You have to be human

Appreciate the people around you!

I want you to remember what to do when you are sad, scared, ashamed and happy.

List of used literature

Zaripova Y. Believe in yourself. The program of psychological assistance to adolescents // School psychologist, 2007, No. 4 (16).

Fominova A. How to improve mood. The study of ways of self-regulation of the emotional state. School psychologist, 2006, No. 2

A PHOTO Getty Images

Lidia Osipova and Elena Ulitova are psychotherapists, international trainers, honored professionals in psychotherapy, full members of the Professional Psychotherapeutic League, authors of training programs at the Time Line Center for Helping Psychology.

We often complain about our feelings. For example, we can not communicate with loved ones because we are angry with them. We want to get rid of anger so that it does not interfere with us.

But what happens if we really get rid of anger? Most likely, other unpleasant feelings will come in its place: impotence, resentment, despair. Therefore, our task is not to get rid of our feelings, but to learn how to manage them. If the feeling of anger is under our control, then its appearance will help resolve the problem situations that arise in our lives. To learn how to manage feelings, you must first take full responsibility for their appearance.

How to do it? First of all, by understanding what benefit this or that feeling brings us. Having accepted the useful purpose of feelings, and the behavior in which they are manifested, we will be able to control this behavior.

Every feeling is a signal of need

Every feeling is a signal of some need. If we ask ourselves the question: “What need does my feeling indicate?”, We can find ways of behavior that will help satisfy this need. We can also refuse this need if it is not vital. Satisfying needs in time, we will not let the feeling grow and absorb us. This is the management of your feelings. Naturally, if the need is satisfied, then the feeling that irritated us (signaled an unsatisfied need) gives way to another feeling - satisfaction.

The trouble is that we often do not perceive annoying feelings as our own formations that belong to us. But having managed to understand its (feelings) useful purpose, you can change your attitude towards it and, accordingly, appropriate it. Feeling becomes my own manifestation, an ally.

Examples of signals that give feelings

Resentment, as a rule, reports that some important things in partnerships are not let out. We feel the need for support, but do not report it.

Anxiety before an exam, for example, can be a signal that you should prepare better. And anxiety during an important meeting gives a warning that you need to more clearly control the situation.

Anxiety may signal the need to provide for something in the future.

Impotence- the need to ask for help from another person.

Rage- My rights have been violated in some way, and it is necessary to restore justice.

Jealousy- I am too focused on controlling the life of another person and forget about my tasks.

Feelings management practice

This five-step workshop will help you understand the useful purpose of your feelings, and if you want to change habitual behavior for more effective actions.

1. List of feelings

Make your list of feelings. Just write down in a column the names of the different feelings that you remember. Write it out in a column, since the place on the right is still required for other tasks. We do not recommend using lists downloaded from the Internet. The essence of the task is precisely to activate the memory for feelings and their names. And the read list, as it was found out by experience, is practically not retained in memory. Replenish your list within a few days. That's when you realize that you can no longer remember a single name, then you can use the Internet cheat sheet and add those feelings that were outside your experience.

2. Evaluation

Take your list of feelings and mark to the right of each how you (or people in general) perceive it: as "bad" or "good" or, rather, pleasant and unpleasant. What feelings turned out to be more? Consider what is the difference between those feelings that are pleasant and those that are unpleasant?

3. Revaluation

Instead of the usual division of feelings into “good” and “bad” that most of us are used to, rethink them as feelings that prompt action and feelings that complete an action or satisfaction of a need. Put new marks in your list to the right of the names of the feelings. It is likely that during this task you will remember new feelings. Add them to the list.

4. Preliminary conclusions

Compare which feelings are more among those that prompt action: pleasant or unpleasant. And what feelings are more among the final actions? Consider what conclusions you can draw from this experience. How can you use it for yourself and others?

5. Purpose of feelings

Take your list. On the right, you can write the useful purpose of each feeling. Determine the need it indicates. Based on the nature of this need, formulate the likely useful purpose of the feeling. You will get, for example, such a record: "Resentment is a signal that I do not know how to assert my rights." Analyze what these feelings are telling you. What actions do they encourage you to take? What are they defending against or what are they calling for? What is their useful part. What do you hope to get from others or from yourself when you have these feelings?

There may be several such options, and this is good. They may differ from person to person. It helps to understand not only yourself, but also other people. After all, behind the expressed feeling is a need. And you can respond directly to the need, and not to the words that accompany the feeling.

Read more in the book Golden Skills of Psychotherapy. A practical guide for a psychologist-consultant” (Publishing Solutions, 2016).