It so happens that EQ is often associated with the ability to influence people. In fact, his role is wider. Developed emotional intelligence is a useful "background" skill that improves life in almost all areas. By investing in working with our own emotions, we care about our well-being and success.

What is emotional intelligence

Sales people joke: “Ordinary intelligence will help solve the problem. Emotional - will help convince others to solve it for you. In a broad sense, intelligence can be described as our competence in something. If we are good, freely operate with abstract quantities, think with formulas and algorithms, we have a well-developed mathematical intelligence. Emotional intelligence is also competence, but in the field of feelings and their expression.

In the 20th century, psychologist Richard Lazarus came to the conclusion that emotions are involved in the process of knowing and evaluating everything that happens to us.

The raw data from the senses that we receive “at the input”, the brain processes into sensations, and then evaluates what they should mean. John Meyer and Peter Salovey later described this system as "emotional intelligence".

If our internal “logistics” are clearly organized, we get an adequate picture of the world and our own reactions as a result.

If not, we get confused in our feelings and desires, ascribe fictitious intentions to others and behave inconsistently. Not the most pleasant situation, right?

The Importance of High EQ

Imagine that you work for a small company. The number of clients is still small, but things are going well, and the management decides to expand. New divisions are opening, deals with major partners are pecking, and all processes are organized in the old way. Problems begin.

The same thing happens to a person when he tries to take on more responsibility, but does not work with emotions. Constant communication is exhausting, stress and unresolved issues keep you awake at night, conflicts constantly flare up at home and at work.

The flow of tasks has become more intense, the experiences associated with them have intensified, but they are processed in the old way.

“A person with high emotional intelligence knows how to regulate his state - let go of emotions that take energy and hold on to those that give energy,” explains Elena Mechetina, psychologist, coach and founder of the Center for the Development of Emotional Intelligence in Children “D-A “. - This does not mean that he avoids conflicts and tense situations. But he quickly returns to a state of equilibrium and does not succumb to provocations.

“Showing emotional intelligence means focusing not on the cause, but on the goal,” adds business coach Elena Sidorenko. - Emotional intelligence is directed to the future - as, by the way, rational intelligence. Do you want to change distrust or dislike towards you into curiosity? So, you should not do what your emotions tell you, but what will lead to the desired result.

Can EQ be developed?

In a certain sense, the level of intelligence is a given, determined from birth. Upbringing, life and professional experience, one-sided knowledge about the world are layered on this given. Is it possible to change the emotional “firmware” that dictates certain reactions to us at a conscious age?

What matters here is the belief that we can change. Psychologist Carol Dweck and her followers argue that our results are influenced by the initial setting - stability or growth. If we believe that we can change (and in any case we change perceptibly under the influence of new experience), then we actually change.

“The style of emotions, like the style of thinking, is largely a matter of habit,” says Elena Mechetina. - The main charm of our body is that it can adapt to the loads that we give it. I can’t sit on the twine now - I’ll be able to after six months of training. It's the same with emotional responses. Change is hard to believe because we are not used to purposefully working with ourselves.”

EQ Exercises

1. Review your beliefs

Recall Lazarus and his colleagues: feelings are formed after we have evaluated the event. This can happen at lightning speed, because there is a habit of thinking and feeling in a certain way. And it is formed by beliefs.

Misunderstood, out of touch with reality, or outdated beliefs can become an emotional trap.

“I had a client - a doctor who had been building up a database of contacts for a long time,” recalls Elena Mechetina. - Her professionalism also developed for a long time. The problem was that patients called her constantly, even at night, and she could not refuse: “I took the Hippocratic oath!” But does it say that a doctor should help patients at the cost of his personal life? This conviction at first helped her, but then - in the new conditions - it became a brake and a source of suffering.

An important part of working with emotional intelligence can be psychotherapy, where a specialist teaches us to be aware of our beliefs, understand the reasons for their appearance and relevance to our lives. And - if necessary - to revise these beliefs and abandon them.

2. Keep an emotional diary

Research by psychologist James Pennebaker has shown that those who have mastered the habit of regularly writing down their feelings find the solution to a complex issue faster and easier.

Here is one way to do it. Step 1: Set a timer for 20-30 minutes. Step 2. Describe how you feel at the moment or what you have experienced during the last week (month, year).

Write whatever comes to mind, disregarding style, mistakes, and other imperfections. Leave the entry or delete it - it doesn't matter.

The very process of writing will teach you to systematize emotional thinking, to “unstick” feelings that have stuck together in a lump and more accurately find their causes.

3. Practice Expressing Your Emotions

Who is the most masterful in controlling their emotions? Theater actors! Of course, this statement is not undeniable, but consider: it is work for these people to demonstrate a deep range of experiences. The skill of an actor has a lot to do with the ability to let in a certain emotion and let it out without being imbued with it.

Elena Mechetina advises everyone who wants to develop their emotional intelligence to read the book by Konstantin Stanislavsky "The work of an actor on himself". The writer or journalist owns the word as a tool, just as the actor owns the emotion. A developed emotional intelligence just implies the ability to own an emotion, and not surrender to it.

4. Expand your emotional vocabulary

Susan David, a psychologist at Harvard Medical School and author of Emotional Flexibility, advises not only to listen to yourself, but also to expand your emotional vocabulary: study the nuances of emotions, name them, and find a range of uses for each.

The language has amazing magic - it sets emotions a certain development scenario, and it obeys it.

When you have chosen a suitable name for the feeling, try to find at least two more words to describe its shade. What is experienced as sadness can be disappointment, depression, emptiness, or regret. Unwinding these threads woven into the common fabric, you will reach the causes and foundations of your reactions.

5. Remember the goal

According to Elena Sidorenko, the ability to manage one's feelings is associated with such a quality as self-denial. If we are willing to surrender to the mercy of an outburst of anger or irritation, then we allow these emotions to control us. We follow the lead of those who evoked these emotions, without thinking about their own interests.

While inside the situation, develop an inner observer who matches intuitive reactions with goals. For example, if someone draws you into a conflict, think: “What are the goals of this person? What are my goals? What emotional response would be more in line with my goals?” This is a difficult exercise because it requires good practice of mindfulness and the ability to switch quickly. But over time, you can master it.

“Emotions lead to delusions and this is their value, the value of science is in its unemotionality.”

"The Picture of Dorian Grey".

Have you ever noticed how emotions distort or transform reality? In psychology, there is a special term "Emotional Intelligence" and it has a special designation - EQ. They started talking about him again at the beginning of the Zero. Let's talk about what this concept is and how to develop emotional intelligence.

Emotional intelligence management became of interest to me long before I heard this term. It was an intuitive understanding that the development of the situation, or the lack of results, is influenced not only by my thoughts, but also by my reaction to them, the emotional state. Rather, it is emotions that form thoughts, and not vice versa. Negative thoughts appear precisely because a person does not have complete information about ongoing events, experiences, experiences fear, resentment, anger, and from certain expectations. Agree, most conflicts arise because our loved ones do not behave the way we expect them to. Psychologists note that clarifying the relationship, or who is right, occurs because a person does not receive strong, vivid, positive sensations from reality, and the struggle is designed to compensate for this shortcoming.

Stressful situations become a gold mine for a certain circle of people. This includes soothsayers, magicians, fortune-tellers, psychics. Various sessions act like morphine, they remove the negative for a while, leaving positive experiences and a feeling of relaxation. As a result, the client comes again to get not the prediction itself, but the confidence that everything will be in order. This is at best.

Some of the psychics and magicians deliberately increase the level of anxiety of clients in order to inspire even more fear and, in this way, swindle large sums of money. They cling to what is important to a person: relationships with a loved one, health, and so on. Emotional intelligence exercises helped me move away from constant feelings of fear and anxiety, think soberly and seek constructive solutions to problems without turning to third parties for help. I will talk about several effective techniques.

The concept of emotional intelligence

Psychologists Kahneman and Smith conducted research in the field of behavioral psychology, for which they were awarded the Nobel Prize. They managed to prove that most people, when making decisions, are guided by emotions, not logic.

Emotional intelligence is the ability to see one's strengths and weaknesses and accept them in other people, the ability to share personal feelings and facts. There are low and high levels of emotional intelligence. A low level of emotional intelligence is characterized by such emotions:

• envy;
• criticism;
• condemnation;
• tunnel vision of the situation (a person sees only one possible scenario and, most often, in negative tones);
• suppression of feelings;
• a high level of emotional intelligence is characterized by:
• mental flexibility;
• variability of thinking (a person can find many options for the development of events and work out each of them in detail);

EQ - intelligence helps to find a common language with people of different social groups and ages. Emotional intelligence management is useful in business, sales, and any team work that requires organizing and inspiring people.

Why is it needed

Not everyone understands why it is necessary to develop EQ - intelligence. There are several reasons for this:

1. Adequate assessment of one's own capabilities, acceptance of the strengths and weaknesses of one's personality, effective use of internal resources.
2. Understanding the causes of certain emotions.
3. Understanding and caring for the feelings of others, family.
4. Understanding the needs of other people and building a line of behavior based on them.
5. Acceptance and understanding of the conditions of objective reality.
6. Management of emotions, quick search for solutions in a given situation.

You will receive not only emotional stability, but also the respect of other people, both in the team and from the management. A person who can understand others can grow up to be a good leader. You can, for example, write your own book on managing emotions, or become the head of a company, or maybe in the future you will conduct personal growth trainings yourself? Today, this direction is very popular, the experience of people who, without special education, were able to understand themselves and rise to a new level of well-being is especially appreciated.

Such masters include, for example, Joe Vitale, who became a multimillionaire after a few years of living on the street, or Niko Bauman, who wrote a series of books on the power of mental focus without any special education. The young author founded his own online school, conducts webinars and intensives in which he teaches people to control their attention and direct emotions in the right direction.

stages

Experts distinguish 4 stages of development of emotional intelligence:

1. Clear and intelligible communication with other people, the ability to listen and the ability to explain expectations. The ability to motivate people to action, teamwork, leadership of a small group of people, the ability not to get involved in open conflict.
2. Feeling comfortable among a large group of people, regardless of whether you classify yourself as an introvert or extrovert, the ability to understand the emotions of other people, rare cases of misunderstanding with someone.
3. Knowing and accepting all the positive and negative aspects of your personality, comfortable existence with them, understanding your emotions and their influence on ongoing events.
4. Skillful management of emotions, limiting their destructive influence, the ability to fulfill promises and obligations, maintaining long-term relationships, acting according to circumstances.

Development Methods

Let's take a look at 7 main ways to develop emotional intelligence in adults.

1. Refrain from sharing feelings. From an early age we are taught to divide things into categories: this is good, this is bad, there is black and white. But such a division is very subjective, because in general you don’t know what prompted a person to commit a not too good deed from the point of view of society. Maybe if you were in that situation, you would do worse. This is me to the fact that there are semitones in the world. Anger, for example, is classified as a bad emotion, but there is a hidden desire for everything to become better than it is, and this is already a positive side. For many people, during a fit of anger, a source of inner strength opens up. Refusal to separate emotions into “good” and “bad” helps to understand the reason for the emergence of those that are commonly called negative.
2. Write down the emotions you experienced during the day. By keeping notes in a diary, you can easily track what triggered the experience. In addition, over time, you will be able to track how your reaction to a similar situation has changed. Write without limiting yourself and you will understand what makes you worry, how you react, for example, to fear, and what makes you move on.
3. Observe people and situations that make you feel a wave of strong emotions. Describe in the diary the physical sensations of the experienced emotions.
4. If you find it difficult to track and write down your emotions, watch your preferences: what you prefer to watch, listen to, read about, what fills your mind day by day. What songs or films do you feel an inner connection with, why did you make this choice? Which characters and why do you feel inner sympathy? Answering these questions will help you start tracking your emotions.
5. Sometimes our emotions and words are spoken by other people, in the lines of a song, in a speech, in a movie. They experience the same emotions as you, which makes you feel a certain euphoria. You can remember a few catchy episodes.
6. The surest way to understand another person is to put yourself in their place. Think about how you would feel under those circumstances or if the other person told you what you said.
7. Think over the worst scenario of the development of events, what will you do in this case, how can you get out of the situation? This will help you calm down.

Own your emotions, do not let them control you, you are the masters of your life. Even the most unpleasant situation can be changed simply by looking at it from a different point of view. By sorting out what makes you uncomfortable, you can become a strong personality, because the internal state does not depend on money in your pocket, or on position, or on the presence or absence of a partner nearby. You are the creator of everything that happens, it is in your power to take off or fall.

The magnitude of emotional intelligence, abbreviated as EQ in the specialized literature, determines how much a person understands, understands them, can recreate, manage them, and therefore apply them to solve tasks. A person with a well-developed emotional intelligence can significantly reduce the impact of negative emotions on their lives. The development of emotional intelligence contributes to the recognition of negative influences from the outside, a calm understanding of the situation and a normal, balanced reaction to it. A person who is emotionally developed lets go of negative emotions, does not experience them again and again, thereby destroying his psyche in particular and life in general.

To understand in more detail what benefits the development of emotional intelligence provides, you can use the diagram below:

If you want to easily find a common language even with unfamiliar people, be friendly and open, and therefore pleasant in communication, if your goal is to achieve maximum success in any business, then you just need to work on developing your own EI.

How to develop emotional intelligence

1. Recognize emotions and identify critical moments.

Lose control over your own behavior, explode because of someone else's words, lose your calmness from scratch? Ah, how familiar! Each person has a certain boiling point caused by a situation leading to a loss of self-control - the so-called emotional trigger. People who know how to recognize them, and therefore accept them, can stop in time and not succumb to destructive emotions.

How to learn such control? Analyze your emotions, fix them on paper, highlight your own emotional triggers.

2. Repeat mentally over and over again those situations that lead to emotional breakdowns.

Constant scrolling in the head of a particular situation helps to find the right solution and not react as violently as it could happen in real life. When considering a case that could lead to an emotional breakdown, come up with a different course of action than your usual one. This exercise will allow you to correctly accept the emotional trigger. This means that you will get a chance to act differently when a real explosive situation occurs.

3.Load up your brain.

Anyone can control their mind and. As soon as you feel anger rising, switch to something else, such as solving complex math problems. Agree, it’s hard to get angry and nervous when you multiply three-digit numbers in your head!

Whether you solve the problem correctly or not does not matter. The main thing is that you tried, used your brain to its fullest and did not let your emotions defeat you.

4. Move away from reality into memories.

If in a difficult moment it is difficult for you to concentrate, then use a different technique: abstract from what is happening and immerse yourself in pleasant memories. Surely there is something in your life that puts a smile on your face. It could be your favorite song or a book you recently read. Remember them, quote your favorite lines to yourself. Such thoughts will help to avoid an emotional breakdown, as they will switch your brain to a different situation.

The main thing is not to perceive this technique as a cowardly escape from reality. This is done for your benefit.

5. Before sending an angry letter to the addressee, reread what you have written.

Thus, you will take at least a few minutes of time out, once again experience what you experienced when writing, you will be able to rethink the overflowing emotions. You take a break - and it's wonderful. You have a chance to change your mind, to fix everything. If, after reading, you still want to send the letter, ask a friend or loved one to read it. Listen to advice from the outside and think twice about whether to offend the addressee. Learn to keep your emotions in check!

Research confirms that all people think differently. A rather neutral message can actually cause aggression on the part of the recipient. To understand how the addressee will react to your letter, remember the character of the person to whom you are writing. Correct the message so as not to offend your addressee.

6. Get away from the immediate answer.

Modern life sometimes requires lightning-fast decisions from us. But often you can not force events and take a minute to think. Do you need a clear answer? Avoid having to respond right away. Say that you will return to this conversation and take a break to think. This will allow you to understand what is really important, and not let emotions prevail over reason.

7.Respect the interlocutor in any situation.

Remember that, in any situation, you need to remain a well-mannered, educated person, express your thoughts clearly and clearly, avoiding profanity. This will characterize you as a serious, solid person who is a pleasure to deal with. Emotions may rage in your soul, but you should not show them. To curb them, it is better to think over your vocabulary in advance and highlight those words that are better not to say out loud.

Once you make the decision to be calm and composed in any situation, you will take a big step towards curbing your emotions and developing emotional intelligence.

Emotional intellect, or " EQ is the ability to identify, evaluate and control one's emotions and better understand and manage the emotions (or motives) of others. The term "emotional intelligence" has been in common use since about the 1980s and gained popularity and fame thanks to Daniel Goleman, who wrote a bestseller called "Emotional Intelligence". The term itself is the subject of much controversy regarding the definition, but since it is such a broad topic, it is possible to distinguish the basic components of EQ so that you can use them if you seek to improve both your understanding and personal implementation of EQ.

You will greatly benefit from having a high level of emotional intelligence, and indeed, some people believe that having a high EQ is more important than having intellectual ability, although recently the emphasis has been on achieving balance, and not on the assumption that everything that you need, it's EQ. Luckily, for those of us who currently lack EQ or simply want to increase our EQ abilities, there are plenty of ways to make it stronger.

Understand the importance of emotional intelligence in all aspects of your life

It is important in life to be intellectually gifted, but having emotional intelligence is considered above this as there are many benefits associated with it.

Having a high level of emotional intelligence can help you lead a happy life because it makes it easier to speak and understand others, acting calmly and thoughtfully in difficult situations becomes your second self, and it can also lead to better relationships and new job opportunities.

There are four main elements of emotional intelligence that will help you lead a balanced life:

Self-awareness: it is the ability to recognize your emotions for what they are and understand their origin. It's also about knowing your strengths, limitations, and self-esteem.

Self management: it is the ability to restrain your desires, to combine your needs with the interests of others, to take the initiative and not be impulsive. It is also about being able to accept change and stay committed.

Social Awareness: it's about how you deal with other people's emotions and concerns, as well as your ability to notice and adapt to social cues. It is also about the ability to see the development of the dynamics of the power of relations in any group.

Relationship management: It's about the ability to get along with others, resolve conflicts, inspire and influence people, and communicate clearly.

Learn to recognize what causes stress and how to deal with it

Life is full of difficult situations - from broken relationships to job loss. During these periods, there are many causes for stress, which can make any problem that we face during the day look more complicated than it really is, and the more vulnerable we are, the more difficult it is for us to ignore many life factors. causing stress.

A very important part of improving your emotional intelligence is being able to discover the causes that caused stress and accept them for what they are, calm down and relax.

Be open, curious and pleasant

Openness and agreement go hand in hand when it comes to emotional intelligence. Be open to new ideas - a limited mind usually indicates a lower EQ.

To develop a more open-minded attitude, try to understand and reflect on the emotions and ideas of others. Be open in expressing your ideas and opinions so that you can consider all possibilities. Remember that you cannot always be right, and by opening your mind and considering new possibilities, your mind will expand and become more open and receptive when you find yourself thinking about reality differently than you once thought.

When everything is clear in your mind, you will calmly and confidently resolve conflicts and gain confidence in society and new opportunities will open up for you. It may be difficult for you to change your thinking if you look at everything that happens in your life from an absolute point of view, but if you do this, new horizons will open before you. To enhance this component of your EQ, heed these tips:

Listen to debates on television or radio, always reflecting on the views of both sides, and also remember that everywhere there are nuances and subtleties that require more careful research. Often the answers are not in plain sight, they are hidden in the shadows of what is happening.

If you feel like you have a "mess in your head", write down your thoughts and ideas and criticize them, thinking about why you have such an opinion. Getting thoughts out of your head and onto paper will give them concreteness and allow you to play many variations with them and present them more clearly.

To free your overburdened mind, take a stroll along a deserted beach. Taking a break from work can help you cope with a stressful situation, inexorable changes, or boring daily routines.

When you hear something you don't agree with, think about it before you decide you don't like the idea. When someone doesn't react as emotionally as you do, consider why that is.

To improve your ability to be pleasant, show more trust in others. This does not mean being naive or overly gullible, but you are required to be ready to see the best in people and not tune in to the worst.

Be sociable and empathetic

Those who have the ability to understand others and have a direct interest in external qualities (i.e., being focused on what is outside of the self) instead of being self-centered (egocentric) have the qualities of extroversion and empathy. To better understand this, being selfless is extroversion (note that this is not the same as extrovert) and understanding others is empathy.

Extroversion and empathy appear at the same time - when they are combined, an understanding, selfless person appears before us. A selfish and self-centered person usually lacks empathy, and a person who lacks empathy usually requires much more interest in himself, seeing life through the prism of his needs and desires.

If you strengthen this element of emotional intelligence, your communication skills will increase, allowing you to experience stronger and more satisfying relationships. Being able to communicate clearly will help you better manage conflict and increase your ability to effectively influence others. To acquire extraversion and empathy traits, do the following:

To show empathy, put yourself in the place of others. Choose a person who is having trouble (for example, someone in need of shelter or your friend is in deep trouble) and think about how you would feel if you were in their shoes. Imagine what it's like to go through what they're going through and what can ease some of their hardships if you show them support and care.

Show empathy to friends and colleagues.

When you see someone else's experience, ask yourself: "How would I react in the same situation? ", " Do these people deserve to experience such hardships? “, “Should I feel sorry for this man? ", " Were they treated fairly? and “Do I want to be treated this way?”

By doing this, you will begin to understand others and show empathy for people.

Be open and ready to discuss the problem

Rational thinking and rational action important aspects emotional intelligence. While you can understand the situation well and form a clear picture of it, but cannot act rationally in this case, what use can be made of an analytical understanding of the situation?

Thoroughness is the act of analyzing the situation and discussion is our rational response to what happened. In other words, this is how we perceived the situation, analyzed it and acted accordingly.

Often a person can "see" what is wrong, but stops there and does not move on to subsequent positive actions. By thinking rationally and acting after discussing the situation, you will be able to make more thoughtful decisions and your ability to endure difficulties will increase dramatically. Along with an open heart, you will be able to find the best way out of any sticky situation. Ways to improve this element of your EQ include:

When something happens, analyze it. Sometimes it's not bad to analyze, criticize articles, of course, if you adequately perceive criticism. Speaking of essence, be prepared to act on what you have discovered.

Imagine yourself in a similar situation and think about how you would react in their place. Imagine yourself in both simple and difficult situations so that your brain works hard on options for getting out of these situations. Thinking about difficult situations before they happen to you will help you practice making responsible decisions in these cases.

Be purposeful. Being conscientious means being focused on achieving the goal and taking all the necessary steps to achieve this. The best thing you can do is think through your goals and write them down so that they begin to shape your thought process. It's hard to go anywhere if you don't have a map, and that goes for your life as well.

Before making a decision, make sure you have considered all the possibilities. If you want to act sensibly, then restrain your temper and take your time with an answer until you have all the facts, and only then can you carefully make a decision.

When making a decision, never be guided by mood. For example, if you are angry at the moment of making a decision, this is bad, because anger is not a good adviser, especially if you are about to make an important decision. You need to do this with a clear head.

Be Mindful and Self-Aware - Know Yourself

Being mindful means paying attention to yourself and your surroundings in a friendly manner. This is where knowing who you are plays an important role. If you don't know this, how can you understand others? Worst of all is the desire of others to define who you are in order to get rid of your uniqueness and meaning of life purpose, charting their own path for you.

Finding yourself is an exciting journey, sometimes a lifetime - but it is the guarantee of your personal growth, change, and learning more about yourself and what keeps you going. Find out who you are and you will be much more aware of the dreams, aspirations, strengths and weaknesses of others. In addition, knowing how the people around you live is important, because you must be able to analyze the outside world.

Once you know yourself, begin to recognize your own emotions and how they affect your thoughts and behavior, which is self-awareness. This will allow you to manage yourself in an effective way, and you will be able to control your emotions and behavior in a healthy way. Later, this will help you see other people's emotions and behaviors clearly. To improve this EQ element, use these tips:

• Ask yourself questions like: “Why am I behaving this way? “, “Why do I have certain beliefs?”, “Why do I find this so contradictory and challenging my beliefs?”.
• Recognize your strengths and weaknesses and build on your strengths as you work to improve or work around your weaknesses.
• Develop beliefs and evaluate them. This is best done by reading, teaching, and listening to a large group of people, including those who have challenged your view of the world. Do not take for granted what your parents, teachers, colleagues say, your beliefs should be based on what you have learned by exploring the world.
• Leave room for personal growth. An intellectually curious person will always be interested in self-improvement through learning, discovering and reinventing something that may be needed in a lifetime. Nothing is permanent, and a person who adapts to life's trends will lead a far more fulfilling life than someone who resists change.

Improve your communication skills

Having good communication skills leads to better EQ. A high level of communication skills makes it easier to send and receive clear and relevant messages.

It is important to be able to communicate not only with words, but also to take into account your body language. You can learn a lot about a person and their emotions by studying their body language, just like you always send certain messages with your body depending on how you control (or don't control) it. Pay attention to:

• Comfort zone: Every person has their own comfort zones. Explore how close people are to you and how much they want to connect with you on a physical level. Respect their comfort zone to reduce their discomfort; in turn, you will be in a better position because you understood them and determined their preferences.
• Follow sincerity: when someone smiles, how sincere is that smile? You can tell a lot about a person by their smile.
• Body position: Explore body position to better understand others and see cues that are not being talked about. If a person takes an open pose towards you, his gestures and the way he looks into your eyes indicates that he enjoys being around you.

Some people hide by assuming a closed body position; you don't have to be the reason for this, as many people are just afraid to reveal their true selves and use body language to stay closed in their "shell", believing it's safer that way.

You can help these people open up by trusting and showing that they can trust you, as well as being sincere and compassionate.

Be optimistic

Optimists tend to have happy and successful lives. It is easier for an optimist to see beauty in life and everyday things. In a way, if you're an optimist, it shows up in your open mind, and it's one of the most important elements in improving your emotional intelligence.

If you see everything in black light, how can you expect to become emotionally intelligent? Negativity forces us to remain closed to other people and focus only on what can go wrong in our lives, rather than making our circumstances stand up to life's vicissitudes. The result of optimism is emotional well-being and greater opportunities - people want to be around an optimistic person, and this draws them to you, with all the opportunities that having great established connections provides you.

Be sure to take some time to practice optimism by:

• Identifying and evaluating your positive traits
• Recognizing the good in others
• Recognition and acceptance of shortcomings
• Making the most of difficult situations
• Using difficulties as a means to improve
• Improving your sense of humor and the ability to see the bright side of life's difficulties.

Be open to new ideas and don't limit yourself.

Some things need to be analyzed in more detail than others.

If you have a high EQ, consider work that requires constant interaction with people, as well as work that involves other people.

Don't despair - always remember that emotional intelligence can be improved, no matter how low or high it is, through concerted effort and your willingness to be open to change.

Emotional intelligence is about more than just controlling your feelings. It also implies self-control.

Warnings

If some of the ideas you've tried didn't work, learn to be grateful for that lesson as well, but don't settle for accepting this state of affairs. Keep working.

Just be careful - having emotional intelligence has a downside. Some people are so deeply attuned to others that it is difficult for them to work in an environment where there is constant difficulty in building relationships. In this case, your emotional intelligence needs balance so you don't overwhelm yourself.

Being open does not mean giving equal weight to such things as bigotry or the pursuit of sound thought. It means understanding why someone else is so afraid of certain categories of people that they feel the need to try to eradicate them.

Having a high IQ does not guarantee a high EQ. The desire to maintain a balance between the two is worth the effort, but don't let your seemingly lower IQ stop you; most people with high IQs are lonely, drifting, and unconnected because they rely too much on their genius to get them through life, rather than seeking close fellowship with other people. Although their incredible insight can take place here, they can also be very lonely and not find a place for themselves. EQ implies openness, willingness to communicate and the recognition that there is always something to learn, even if you are a genius.

Emotional intelligence is the development of such skills as understanding both one's own feelings and the emotions of others. Thanks to this, we can effectively manage the reaction to the feelings of others and, thus, be more productive in our work. The main task in developing emotional intelligence is not to suppress or ignore difficult emotions or feelings, but to intelligently control them.

Emotional intelligence is what separates successful leaders from everyone else. more productive in hiring new employees, better motivating colleagues, efficient in the service sector. But emotional intelligence is important at any stage of your career, especially if you want to achieve a high level of accountability for your work. And in other aspects of life, EI allows you to be happier, healthier and strengthen relationships. So how do you improve emotional intelligence and make it work for you?

1. Develop emotional self-awareness

Emotions can cause a person to behave in unusual and often unproductive ways, and self-awareness will improve your ability to understand and interpret your own emotions, moods, and inner motives. This practice will help you recognize the emotional states of other people and understand what is behind their words and actions. In short, if you don't understand your own motivations and behaviors, you won't understand others either.

What to do for this:

• Speak three phrases every day that begin with the words “I feel…” through this technique, you will gradually learn to accurately identify your emotions and increase self-awareness.
• Take time each day to experience the emotion - articulate how you feel and why.
• Remind yourself that emotions are fickle and short-lived, and therefore cannot be the basis for communication and decision making.
• Reflect on how negative emotions—frustration, rejection, anger, or jealousy—affect your colleagues and clients.
• Identify your fears and desires. This will help you better understand what worries you and drives you.
• Check how you react to stress. Do you get frustrated every time something doesn't go the way you planned?

2. Emotional self-control

It is important to develop the ability to control impulsive reactions and emotions that negatively affect your potential and leadership. This is the next step after the development of self-awareness. In short, self-control is the ability to rise above pathetic explanations, jealousy, relapses, and not let your emotions control you. Through self-control, you will think before you act and build a reputation as a reliable member of any team.

Self-control techniques:

• Do not allow yourself to join one side or the other during office dramas and conflicts.
• If the situation is emotionally difficult and charged, step back for a while, do not make a decision right away. Analyze your emotions.
• Accept the fact that life is volatile and frustration and disappointment are part of any job. And the professional response to them is brainstorming and strategy development, not complaints and suspension from work.
• Don't join the blame game, don't point fingers at everyone and everything around you. Except for yourself: learn and accept your mistakes.
• Stay focused on yourself and the things you can control, not on things that are out of your control.
• Find ways to respond to emotions that don't involve spontaneous reactions or bad language.

3. Develop the ability to show empathy

Empathy is a natural path in the development of emotional self-awareness. It allows you to move away from your personal experience and see and understand the problem from the perspective of another person. By developing empathy, you show your ability to treat people with respect, kindness, dignity, and professionalism. Empathetic people are good at recognizing the feelings of others, even if they are not obvious.

How to develop empathy:

• Live by the golden rule - treat others the way you want to be treated.
• It is easy to maintain your point of view, guided by this feeling, put yourself in the place of another person and look at the situation from his position.
• Develop the ability to listen and reflect on what your interlocutor said.
• At least once a day, ask how the person is feeling, for example, on a scale of 0 to 10. This will encourage others to express their emotions and understand them better.
• Acknowledge other people's anxieties and feelings - let them know that you see their source and realize the value of their point of view.

4. Work on your motivation

Motivation is passion and enthusiasm in your work and career that cannot be explained by money or status, it is what helps you realize your internal goals and do it with enviable perseverance.

How to improve motivation:

• In any difficult situation, and even in case of failure, try to find at least one good thing.
• Record the moment when you think and speak in a negative way. Stop doing this, pause and once again “roll through” all your thoughts and words in your mind. Change them to positive ones, even if you have to pretend at first.
• It's easy to forget what you really love about your job. Take the time to remember and articulate that, and the main reason why you want to excel in what you do.
• Remember that people are attracted to positive, energetic and inspiring people. If you increase motivation, you will get more attention from colleagues, top managers and clients.
• Set yourself inspiring yet achievable goals. Make a list of what needs to be done to achieve them. Reward yourself when you reach key goals.

5. Improve your communication skills

An important aspect of emotional intelligence is the ability to interact well with other people, but this does not mean that introverts or shy people have low EI. Communication skills can take many forms, not only being friendly, but also listening, persuading, verbal and non-verbal communication skills. Leaders with high emotional intelligence are often very good at communicating, resolving conflicts and sharing their vision with the team - they set an example of behavior and values ​​that others can follow.

How to improve communication skills:

• Study conflicts and their solutions, this will help in difficult situations with colleagues, customers or suppliers.
• Learn to praise others, so you inspire the team and make it loyal.
• Try to understand the person you are talking to. You can't have just one approach that works for everyone at work.