In the middle of a life journey, people often review their lives, evaluate their goals and achievements. Often this kind of assessment leads to the so-called midlife crisis.
Probably, everyone had a chance to witness the following human reincarnations. An accomplished, respectable man in the full bloom of his powers and abilities suddenly leaves a prestigious job, leaves a prosperous family, goes somewhere to unknown distances, or simply falls into a protracted depression. His steps, at first glance, seem somehow strange and illogical. The family abandoned by him is completely at a loss, his friends are unable to understand and realize what has happened. Often, the hero of these events himself is not always able to understand and clearly explain the logic and motivation of such actions. To some extent, those who have gone through something similar can understand it.
The internal state of a man who has crossed the 30-35 year mark can be characterized by the quote “Earthly life, having passed halfway, I found myself in a gloomy forest ...” (“The Divine Comedy” by Dante). This condition is called the "midlife crisis".
The famous artist Gauguin was originally a successful stockbroker, a happy husband and father of five children. At the age of 36, he left his family, went to Paris to paint and eventually become one of the greatest artists of his time. An absolute midlife crisis looks like this - out of the blue, it would seem, for no reason, to completely reverse the established lifestyle, change profession, city, country, get divorced or get married. In a less acute form, the crisis manifests itself in original or extreme hobbies, adultery, tourist trips to exotic countries.
A series of crises lies in wait for a person from birth to old age. The first is the neonatal period, adaptation to new conditions. Then the crisis of the first year - the child masters speech and upright posture. The crisis of three years - the baby is aware of himself as an independent person and longs for realization. The crisis of seven years - the child learns to learn, achieve distant goals, restrain himself. Puberty is an explosion of hormones, awareness of one's own sexuality. Growing up, the beginning of an independent life. Marriage, regular sex life and parenthood with their yearly milestones. The notorious midlife crisis, de facto divided into two - the crisis of thirty years and the crisis of forty-five, it is also the empty nest syndrome. This is one of the most dramatic periods in the life of an adult. Perhaps the midlife crisis is the most serious and significant of those that we go through during our lives. In terms of the intensity of experiences and the strength of the impact on a person, it is comparable to adolescence. And by the way, both crises have something in common with each other not only in this. This is followed by a crisis of retirement and the "end" of an active creative life. And the crisis of old age, when the body's capabilities weaken completely.
The causes of each crisis are complex, including a change in hormonal balance, a change in social roles, and a shift in life values ​​and guidelines.

Description of the problem

The peculiarity of the midlife crisis is the awareness of the transience of time. First, a man needs to think about material well-being, creating a family, building a career. Gradually, all these issues are resolved, often successfully, but a person still has energy and strength for something else. Just for what? At the same time, he is well aware that youth has passed and cannot be returned. It is at this moment that a person begins to think about eternal topics: Why do I live? Have I achieved everything in my life or am I capable of more? And do I really need everything that I have achieved? It also happens that the answers to the questions asked themselves cause dissatisfaction. During this period, against the background of the strongest experiences, a reassessment of values ​​\u200b\u200btakes place by a person, he can change plans or completely change his worldview.

“Midlife crisis”, as a concept, is expressed in a physiological and psychological imbalance, in which the problems that suddenly fell on the shoulders of a man who is at the highest level of development of his strengths and abilities put him in a dead end. In such a state, a person simply cannot reasonably assess his own situation.

A midlife crisis is an existential crisis when we become aware of our own being. It turns out to be finite, and we suddenly begin to worry about death. We ask ourselves: how much time do we have left and what do I want to do? Existence requires meanings in order to get rid of the feeling of uselessness and find its place in this world (one's own irrelevance is a feeling often mentioned during a crisis).

The midlife crisis is compared by some authors with the teenage crisis due to its philosophical basis, the tasks of understanding and self-determination, and the social context. If teenagers self-determine themselves in relation to the worldview, rules and traditions of their parents, then the midlife crisis offers self-determination in relation to the rules and traditions of society. We can be an illustration of the successful life of a respectable member of society, but inside we feel like that same character in someone else's film.

The crisis itself is characterized as a turning point, as a result of which unpredictable and problematic situations may arise. One gets the feeling that much more time has been lived than is left. This leads to a rethinking of life position.

A midlife crisis does not choose victims. These can be both successful family people with an established career and material wealth, as well as single, low-income men.

The feeling of inner trouble - a crisis - can be experienced so catastrophically, it can be so unbearable that a person tries to escape from it in the most direct sense of the word. Activity increases, risky and impulsive acts are committed - this is especially true for men. Men act, try to react to their experiences, to do something to get rid of them. By the way, perhaps that is why the midlife crisis is so fond of ascribed exclusively to men: everything is in plain sight.

It seems to a man that life is passing, the best years are behind, and the result is either not visible, or he is not happy. And the thrill-seeking begins. The easiest way is to prove your male attractiveness. The second most important is the change of job or occupation.

Because of the feeling of approaching old age and the unfulfillment of plans, people often lose heart and do not know how to overcome despondency. People begin to rush about, fill their lives with something vain, adding other problems to themselves, make mistakes. This leads to health problems, depression, loneliness, and this condition can drag on for a long time.

According to statistics, it is the midlife crisis that accounts for the largest number of cases of divorce, nervous breakdowns, and suicide.

Sometimes a midlife crisis leads the representatives of the stronger sex to new successes and achievements, career growth, a return to faith, and full self-realization. Sometimes - to divorces, alcoholism, leaving in sects and spiritual searches. Sometimes it goes almost unnoticed, resulting in the construction of a summer house or the purchase of a new car. The main thing is to realize what is happening in time and make the correct diagnosis.

Signs of a midlife crisis

What is characteristic of a midlife crisis? Most likely, it can be suspected by the following manifestations:

• there is a need to make sense of your life. Answer the questions: Why am I here? Where am I going? What and for whom do I live?
• there is a “reconciliation” of the existing state of affairs in life with the way it was once thought ideally: am I where I dreamed? Am I doing what I once wanted to do?
• their own achievements are critically evaluated: what have I achieved? Does it matter to me? Where to go next and what to achieve?
• The question arises: Am I happy?

In fact, this is a period of meeting with oneself - a very intimate meeting, requiring honesty and sincerity, because often there are no unambiguous answers to the questions that arise. This is the time of doubt. And the nature of these doubts is unclear and can be so frightening that you try not to pay attention to them.

This is the discovery of the fact that one's own life the farther, the more it turns out to be in one's own hands. And although half of this life is already behind, there is still enough time ahead to go where you really want to, and be happy the way you once dreamed of before ... That's just - what do you want? .. Such a simple question may also not be the answer. Only inner emptiness suggests that the way it was before these experiences no longer suits.

Many people mention the feeling that comes before a crisis that they are not living, but playing life according to someone else's scenario. Indeed, one of the tasks of the crisis is the appropriation of one's true life, needs and desires. Fear can also arise here, because we are talking about confrontation with loved ones who have their own plans for us, and they may have little to do with our desires.

Fatigue, sadness, deep longing, exacerbation of negative emotions, fears - all this also accompanies the crisis. This includes a collision with one's biological age, physiological changes in the body associated with the onset of aging.

It is quite easy to determine the beginning of a crisis. It manifests itself in behavior and appearance: a man often has a bad mood upon returning home, he becomes silent, does not want to talk, sometimes there are bursts of aggression. Inability to sleep, irritability, mood swings, constant fatigue and weakness will be the companions of a man during this period. It is at this moment that he, more than ever, wants changes in life, a shake-up, and many during this period of their lives, as they say, indulge in all serious things. A man has a burning desire to become what he never had a chance to become in his life. Often, they begin to look at young people, change their wardrobe for trendy clothes, and use youth jargon in conversation. The wife during this period becomes an annoying factor, on her the man takes off his anger, aggression, constantly reproaches her and shows her his displeasure, often in a rude form, up to assault.

Here are some of the main signs of a midlife crisis:

• Increased aggressiveness and irritability;
• The desire to quit a good job and the realization that you cannot afford it;
• Trying to change your appearance as quickly as possible;
• Search for former partners in social networks;
• The realization that mortgages and other loans will have to be paid for another 20 years;
• Frequent thoughts about death, and what awaits you after it;
• Worries that you have achieved less in your professional career than your parents;
• A hangover after gatherings with friends becomes more noticeable and lasts more than a day;
• Awkward flirting with people your children's age;
• Search and finding various diseases;
• The emergence of a new hobby, often extreme;
• Dreams of quitting your job and buying your own restaurant or pub;
• Attempts to hide your age from others;
• An affair on the side, or even a divorce;
• Moving away from old friends, and looking for new, younger ones;
• You start listening to your favorite songs on the radio "Retro";
• Frequent insomnia.

Crisis is often accompanied by depression, a feeling of depression, emptiness. It seems to a man that he has fallen into the trap of a career or marriage. The stability, material and family well-being achieved by this age, suddenly lose their significance. There is a feeling of injustice in life, a man is sure that he deserves more. He is seized by a feeling of dissatisfaction and a desire for who knows what. Work is perceived as routine, marital relations have lost their former passion, children prefer to live their own lives, and the circle of friendships has narrowed over the years, and it itself has acquired a shade of monotony.

It should be noted that, unlike professional or creative crises, here, from the point of view of others, problems arise almost from scratch. A man during a mid-life crisis often changes the circle of reference persons, value orientations, tastes and preferences. The person experiencing the crisis becomes unpredictable even for himself. The surrounding people do not understand what is happening: it seems to them that in front of them is a completely different person. On the contrary, he believes that everything around has changed, and therefore he himself changes his attitude towards them.

What happens to a man in such a state?

Being in a not entirely adequate state, a man can do things that are not characteristic of his nature, which he may not expect from himself. About a person experiencing a midlife crisis, we can say that he was blown away. In a panic, he tries to radically change his own life, falling from one extreme to another. Thus, he wants to prove not only to himself, but also to others that he is capable of much. During this period, one part of the strong half of humanity goes into long and deep binges, others are overtaken by depression, not seeing a way out of the situation, many representatives of the stronger sex themselves destroy their families. You never know how a man will behave in a midlife crisis, what the consequences will be.

It is important to understand and realize that this state, despite its severity and inevitability, will not last forever. It can be calmly experienced if you try to curb your own thoughts and actions, and act not on a whim, but after careful reflection.

Causes of a midlife crisis

A large part of the "riots" of 40-year-olds are nothing more than echoes of unfinished teenage rebellion. Unresolved problems of adolescence, "calmed down" for a while and, it would seem, remained long in the past, it is during this period that they fall upon a person again. If a young man at one time could not completely free himself from the influence of his parents, rebel against the way of life imposed by them, then in middle age he suddenly realizes that he still lives and acts according to someone else's rules, and it's time already, as they say, " sing with your voice." Hence the natural desire to find oneself, one's own path. Understanding and clear awareness comes: “It’s already too late for me, I won’t become many anymore ...” Those doors (and opportunities) that yesterday seemed to be wide open began to close one after another ... The mid-life crisis is always implies a global and final (up to the transition to maturity, retirement age) reassessment of values, because another name for it is an identity crisis.

However, the midlife crisis overtakes those who managed to get rid of teenage complexes in time. What are the main causes of the midlife crisis?

1. The reason is physiological. Natural physiological changes occur, simply put, a person begins to age. As a rule, during this period of a person's life, all his chronic diseases begin to worsen, which significantly weakens the vital functions of the body; appearance changes, strength becomes less, sexual attractiveness decreases. It is psychologically very difficult to accept such changes, especially in a society where the cult of youth and impeccable beauty is promoted. All this makes a person insecure about the future, nervousness, fatigue and depression appear. There is a fear - "having lost my youth and beauty, I will lose many opportunities and pleasures in life."

2. The reason is psychological. By middle age, people, in general, achieve a lot in the professional sphere, reach a certain social status. And then the man has reasonable questions: What's next? Where to move? If this is the top, then now only down, "from the hill"? Or: How to stay on this peak, if the youth is already running out from behind? The “ambitious understudies” have arrived – how much longer can I be competitive? What to do? Change direction? Can I? Is there enough strength? Will I succeed? Fear - "If I am not successful, I will lose the love of the people around me, I will become unnecessary and just a loser."

A midlife crisis is when your boss is younger than you. Most often at this age there is a reassessment of values, a man begins to see the meaning of life in certain life achievements, and if the life path is chosen incorrectly, then there is a feeling of dissatisfaction with himself, his abilities and capabilities. There is a need to change life, to start all over again, but here physiology intervenes and the realization that not everything is on the shoulder. A man begins to worry very acutely that his life plans are at odds with reality. The search for a way out of the current situation begins, and if all attempts are unsuccessful, depression begins.

3. The reason is social. The creed of the representative of the stronger sex is to be realized. Achieve success, build a house, surpass all rivals. More than anything, a man is afraid for his potency - physiological, labor or creative. Most of all, he dreams of giving everything to the fullest, demonstrating to the world his unique gift and great mission. But duty, honor, obligations to relatives or society can hold back heroic impulses for quite a long time.

The way a man develops social relations has a huge impact on his life. First of all, these are family relationships. Usually at this age a person already has a family and children, if everything is fine in the family - a big plus, if not, then again - this is one of the reasons for the crisis. If a person does not have family relations, friendly relations, relations in a team do not develop, then the question arises of his insolvency as a member of society.

The social role of men is changing. At home, he turns from a child into a parent, at work from a young specialist into an experienced mentor. Some by this time, alas, are already losing their father or mother, many parents are aging, they need care and help. However, not everyone is ready for such a radical change of roles, for a situation where one has to rely only on one's own strength, to take full responsibility not only for oneself, but also for other people. Fear appears – “why can’t I be as serene and carefree as before? Do I now always have to drag all this wagon of problems and worries ?!

In the end, comes the realization of the transience and finiteness of life. A person understands that "the world no longer provides credit for his future", and much is no longer feasible. A midlife crisis occurs when regrets about the past slowly begin to outweigh hopes for the future.

In these circumstances, both the depressive position: “everything is terrible”, “it’s pointless to change”, “you have to live somehow”, threatening with self-pity, despair, a sense of impasse, and “ostrich” optimism: “everything is fine ”, “Nothing has changed”, “I am young”, forcing a person to live with illusions, preventing him from seeing and accepting reality, cutting off the path to development. The revolutionary option is equally dangerous and destructive - through the depreciation of what has been achieved, unjustified risk, a sharp and thoughtless change in everything that surrounds: families, jobs, places of residence, which most often is nothing more than self-deception. Radical external changes in the absence of internal ones are just an illusion of a solution, because you can’t run away from yourself.

Here are some external factors that could trigger and accelerate this crisis:

1. Debts. We all live in a world of loans, where there is a very strong temptation to live beyond our means. Finding yourself 40 years old, counting all the mortgages and loans, it is very easy to get depressed.

2. Death of a loved one. The death of a parent or loved one amid a midlife crisis can be very difficult to overcome.

3. Personalities avoiding conflicts. This crisis is especially prone to people who are constantly trying to avoid conflict in personal relationships, suffering from low self-esteem, problems with the expression of aggression and emotionally withdrawn. Those who are used to pleasing their soulmate to the detriment of their desires and interests will experience this crisis even more difficult.

At what age can a crisis start?

Crises of adult life are graded differently by different authors, but the midlife crisis, or midlife crisis, is mentioned by almost everyone. This is not about estimating and measuring the middle of life to identify the crisis. It is important that this crisis corresponds to a number of typical experiences, the emergence of certain questions to oneself and to life.

If earlier the midlife crisis "fit" into the age range of 37 - 45 (and continues to stay in them in the countries of Europe and the USA), now, in the accelerated pace of life in our society, there is a tendency to "rejuvenate" the lower bar: characteristic of the crisis of the middle of the age of the state are also experienced by thirty-year-olds. Thus, the specific time of experiencing a crisis is individual for each person and can greatly depend on the contexts of his life.

A crisis can happen at 30-35, and at 40-45, depending on satisfaction with life, work and marriage. An early crisis is a disappointment in parental and school scenarios, a temporary rejection of generally accepted norms, a kind of belated teenage rebellion and a search for oneself. A man, as it were, tries again - whether he chose the right profession, whether he built the right house, whether he married the right woman. The late crisis often coincides with the extinction of the hormonal background, beginning with menopause. A man feels that life has already passed to the middle, potency is weakening, health is failing - and with his last strength he tries to feel young again, to whip up fading passions.

Typically, a midlife crisis includes several stages:

• negation
• depression
• anger
• accepting and overcoming the crisis.

Overcoming the crisis

The following are fairly general recommendations that psychologists give to overcome the midlife crisis. These recommendations are quite reasonable, and it is quite possible that they will help someone. Although the anti-crisis session of Backmology is not based on their use.

A midlife crisis is a suspension of a life program, and overcoming it is a reboot. The midlife crisis is the time when it's time to learn to listen to yourself, accept yourself and trust yourself.

Life is always the way we imagine it to be. Life does not end at the age of forty, from that moment all the most interesting things just begin. This is a great age! It's fruit picking time! The mid-life crisis should become a springboard for new joys and new discoveries. A person has the right and the privilege to build his life the way he wants.

The main thing is to survive the crisis, to conduct a kind of life audit, because if you push this problem aside and do not solve it, then at the end of your life you may be overtaken by the most terrible crisis prepared for a person - the crisis of the end of life. Think about why some old people are smiling, wise, kind, while others are evil, critical, hating everyone and everything? The fact is that the former accepted their life, while the latter did not, because they lived an imposed, alien life, and this is impossible to accept. After all, to accept your life path means to accept yourself as you were and are, and your psychological environment, and much more. And if at the end of life it is almost impossible to change anything, then in the middle of life there is always such an opportunity. Therefore, this is your main life chance, which is important to use.

Successfully passing a midlife crisis involves accepting your true age, taking responsibility for your life. There is a reassessment of values, their true needs and desires are revealed. Relationships change, we change relationships. It is possible that some people will disappear from our lives, and new ones will appear. Sometimes we have to accept the fact that some things can no longer be changed, that the consequences of other actions will accompany us until the end of our lives. It can be very sad at times, but it is this experience that enriches us with the hope that the next part of life can be lived with greater awareness and joy.

In order for the crisis not to turn into a depressive pit, but to become exactly the springboard for changes and updates in life, one should:

• do not deny yourself the sensations of inner trouble: you are not going crazy, nothing bad is happening to you - just your inner voice, your intuition, your psyche (after all, call it whatever you like) are asking you to finally pay attention to yourself yourself, on your life;
• accept incoming emotions as a way to find out what exactly is happening to you, where the zones of internal and external trouble are. Do not suppress sadness, anger, or fear, considering them inappropriate emotions. They are your path to change.

• Stop looking for symptoms of various diseases. Not every cold is early lung cancer;
• Do not start an affair on the side. Even if the partner allowed himself to do it. A young graduate will not return you to your former youth, but it can destroy your marriage. Think about how stupid you look in the eyes of others;
• Get out in public more. Force yourself to go to a restaurant with your wife at least once a week, or watch football with friends;
• Do not project your problems and unfulfilled dreams onto your children. Stop forcing your son to go to music school, and your daughter to do extra math on weekends. This will not change anything in your life, but you really take away childhood and their own interests from children;
• Don't buy yourself "middle-aged" toys. You are already a serious and mature person. Think about how silly you'll look in a red foreign car, or a green Kawasaki, after which you have to collect your piece by piece;
• Turn off your phones all weekend. Nothing will happen if you read spam and another shocking news from the Kremlin or Ukraine. But your family will have a chance to chat with you and have fun, and not constantly watch how you ignore it;
• Seek support from a loved one with whom you can feel safe and share your concerns. Contact a specialist if you feel your condition is critical.

Don't lie and don't be afraid. Conduct a frank and thorough audit of your life views, attitudes, rules and values. Be very honest with yourself to answer the questions: what goals do I want to achieve? Are these my goals or someone else's? What are my feelings now? What do I want to feel tomorrow, in a year? Does my current life scenario suit me? What do I want and can change in this scenario? What am I dreaming about? What is stopping me from fulfilling my dream?

Love yourself. Accept yourself as you are, with all your flaws and weaknesses. Say nice things to yourself, smile to yourself. Train your body and spirit. Take care of yourself: good nutrition, good sleep, body care. Believe in yourself. “But know that those who manage to believe in themselves win the fight.” Appreciate and love your surroundings - family, colleagues, friends and just random guests on your life path. Your love and kindness, given to people, will return to you a hundredfold.

Live here and now. To return to the past occasionally and for a short time with the main goal - to search for one's resources and experience one's own achievements and victories. Do not look for the mistakes of the current situation in the past and do not live in the past. "Whoever is left in the past has no present." Thoughts about the future should not overshadow the joy of the present. "Tomorrow will take care of itself." Down with drafts! Every day of yours should be clean.

It is necessary to try to learn to enjoy every moment, to enjoy every event in life and just simple things. Then everything in life will become much easier.

The mid-life crisis can indeed become a springboard for a new take-off, the so-called second peak of life activity. He contributed to the formation of many great people.

However, it is not necessary to radically change your life - you can continue to follow the beaten path. But at the same time, evaluate the past years, understand what you need and what is not, and, most importantly, accept your former path, but already consciously, and continue to increase quantitatively and qualitatively what has been achieved. Strive not only to add years to life, but life to years.

It all depends on how ready a person is to understand and accept his problems, to honestly look into the eyes of reality, no matter how frightening it may be, whether he is capable of change - both in life and in himself - and, most importantly, whether he is ready to invest into these changes. If a person does not draw any conclusions during a crisis, then he does not grow up.

Here are some tips for those who are friends with the proverb "a healthy mind in a healthy body."

1. Attention and care for your body will allow you to keep your strength longer and treat your body with gentle reverence, respect it and be proud of it. It is necessary to take measures to slow down the aging process of the body and improve the physical condition. This, of course, is an active lifestyle and the rejection of bad habits. Going in for sports, no matter how trite it sounds, really helps to cope with thoughts of insolvency and approaching old age. Every day, increasing the load on the body, you will rejoice at your small victories, and the thought “I can!” will push you to the next level.

2. If you can stop smoking, then a sense of pride in yourself will settle in your heart for a long time. First of all, your desire and willpower are capable of such a decisive step, in some situations reflexology and psychotherapy may be useful.

If you don’t suffer from bad habits and don’t need to fight them, you can try to master in life what you dreamed about, but always put off for later or simply didn’t dare. For each person, this is something different, for example, learning to drive a car or skate, or take and jump with a parachute. This should be great to cheer up and increase credibility in their eyes.

3. It is necessary to realize once and for all that there is only one life, there will be no other, and a person is the creator of his own happiness. Therefore, we pull ourselves together and begin to create, no matter how hard it is.

Prevention is the most effective and obvious. It is important to strive to maintain balance in your life, not to concentrate on the problems of illness and approaching old age, but to approach it fully armed - hardened and able to fight. It is very important to take care of yourself and the quality of your life, and then all sorts of depressions and crises will bypass you. And if they do, you'll be ready for it.

Be happy, learn to enjoy what you do and give pleasure to those who are dear to you! Ultimately, it's not the years in your life that matters, but the life in your years. (Abraham Lincoln)

Backmology approach

The information that a person puts into his subconscious, those images that he inspires himself, will certainly play an important role that determines the result of any of his undertakings. A mind programmed to fail will inevitably lead to failure. A person programmed for achievement will show high results. So, all great athletes know that the union of the efforts of the spirit and body is a key factor in achieving the highest results. Sports commentators refer to this state as achieving the highest form.

However, when faced with a stronger opponent, after a series of failures, constant overstrain, a person often “breaks down”. Psychological imbalance does not appear out of nowhere. It is always preceded by a series of transferred stresses - clearly felt or implicit.

A midlife crisis is a breakdown that occurs as a result of natural fatigue, it is associated with haphazardly accumulated experience in the absence of a well-thought-out goal-setting strategy. A person has set goals for himself for a long time and achieved them at any cost, not commensurate with his deepest desires, capabilities and prospects for further development. This probably happened under the strong influence of the environment (parents, friends, idols and mentors, stereotypes of the cult of success, etc.), as well as other circumstances, but the person himself is responsible for the breakdown that happened to him, because he did not show the proper critical attitude towards directing his behavior, did not evaluate his own strengths and the possible consequences of his behavior. In Backmology, this situation is interpreted as the absence of psychocontrolling in a person.

Under psychocontrolling Backmology refers to the activity of a person aimed at eliminating and preventing bottlenecks in his activity and focused on an environmentally friendly future in accordance with his goals. Psychocontrolling is the basis for supporting the basic functions of self-management: adaptation, self-identification, planning, business activity, reflection (control, accounting and analysis). With its help, the process of making and implementing decisions becomes environmentally friendly for a person, i.e. controllability of behavior, susceptibility to stress, problems with goal setting, conflict in communication are minimized.

Anti-crisis sessions of Backmology are based on psychocontrolling tools: the Becoming a Warrior methodology, the Ideoplast method, 4C analysis, etc.

Anti-crisis sessions are aimed at helping the client to mobilize their psychological, physical and intellectual resources to overcome the crisis. During the sessions, internal and external factors that help or hinder the solution of the problem are objectively assessed, and the client develops the potential to overcome a difficult situation and further successful development.

After the successful completion of the sessions, the client has the opportunity to use the elements of psychocontrolling himself so that in the future the crisis phenomena in his life will no longer be repeated.

Cost and terms of service

The cost of the session is 5000 rubles.

The service is designed for men only and is provided only by male specialists. Anonymity and confidentiality are guaranteed.

The session is held exclusively on the territory of the client. Duration - up to 4 hours.

With complex forms of a neuropsychic or psychosomatic nature (sexual disorders, insomnia, obsessive thoughts, psychotrauma, etc.) do not apply.

Need more information?

Please contact us by email becmology at gmail.com. We will discuss your concerns without imposing a purchase and any obligations for you.

Some of our articles on psychological safety.

Age periodization- from birth to death determines the age boundaries of the stages in a person's life. The system of age stratification accepted in society.
The division of the life cycle into age categories has changed over time. At present, the following can be distinguished reference systems:
1. Individual development (ontogeny "life cycle"). This reference system sets such units of division as "developmental stages" "ages of life" and concentrates on age properties.
2. Age-related social processes and the social structure of society. This system defines "age strata" "age groups" "generations".
3. The idea of ​​age in culture. Here such concepts as "age rites", etc. are used.
The periodization of life allows structuring the events of human life, highlighting its stages, which facilitates its analysis.
Each period has been studied to some extent, which makes it possible to compare individual life with norms and possible boundaries, assess the quality of life and highlight problems that are often hidden.
The most developed periodization of childhood and adolescence. Soviet scientists made a great contribution to the study of ages.
According to the views of L.S. Vygodsky (see alphe-parenting.ru) periodization- the process of child development as a transition between age levels at which smooth development occurs through periods of crisis.
A crisis- a turning point in the normal course of mental development. However, in reality, crises are not an inevitable companion of mental development. It is not a crisis that is inevitable, but fractures, qualitative shifts in development. On the contrary, it is evidence of a shift in the right direction that has not taken place.
Exist:
1. Crises of socialization (0, 3 years, 12 years), the most acute.
2. Crises of self-regulation (1 year, 7 years, 15 years). They have a bright behavioral pattern.
3. Regulatory crises (30 years old, middle age - 45 years old and the last one associated with the awareness of aging).

There may be different personality crisis, associated with the conditions of existence and with the characteristics of the individual.
Each positively resolved crisis contributes to an easier and more positive course of the next one, and vice versa: the refusal to solve the task usually leads to a more acute passing of the subsequent crisis.
To analyze the life path, it is convenient to distinguish 5 stages, and they have 10 periods of life (see table).

Stage	Age	Period	A crisis
I. Early childhood	0-3 years	1. Infancy (0-1 year old)	Newborns (0-2 months)
		2. Younger age (1-3 years)	Crisis 1 year
II. Childhood	3-12 years old	3. Senior preschool period (3-7 years)	Crisis 3 years
		4. Junior school period (7-12 years old)	Crisis 7 years
III. adolescence	12-19 years old	5. Adolescence (12-15 years old)	Teen crisis 12 years old
		6. Youth period (15-19 years old)	Youth crisis 15 years
IV. adulthood	19-60 years old	7. Youth (19-30 years old)
		8. Average age (30-45 years old)	Middle age crisis
		9. Maturity (45-60 years old)
V. Old age		10. The initial period of old age (for 60 years)	Debrief Crisis

The periods of life are similar to the phases of E. Erickson's psychosocial development. The characteristics of ages and crises are described in detail, in particular, on the site alphe-parenting.ru. There is a description of each age and crisis according to the following parameters: x-ka age, field of activity, flow, cause of crises and its result by the end of the period, leading needs and field of activity, levels of affection, etc.
It should be noted that in reality the periods and times of crises are not strictly fixed. Their boundaries are arbitrary.
The characteristics of periods and crises in real life, given below for illustration, will be compared with their scientific characteristics.

Solovieva Evgeniya
Psychologist
Chelyabinsk city

PART 1.
The pattern and severity of the stage

“The midlife crisis is canceled!”, “Quit smoking”, “Go on vacation to Africa”, “Don't worry about trifles!” or here, an undoubted masterpiece: “Despite everything, have sex with your wife. It is clear that you do not want to, but you overcome yourself. Gradually get involved ...

I undertook to write this article when I was completely tired of reading all this nonsense about a midlife crisis.

Is it possible to naturally cancel the morning? Birth of a child? New Year's Eve?

Did you manage to satisfy your pre-lunch hunger with a trip to a distant exotic country? And “not to worry” about the aging of their parents?

Sounds weird. It's like confusing the ceiling with breakfast ... But I'm not exaggerating: these are the tips you will see in most open articles about this serious period of life.
Contradiction

“Having passed my earthly life to the middle, I found myself in a gloomy forest…”

Dante Alighieri

A few important things come to mind first:

1. The midlife crisis refers to the normative crises of adulthood, i.e. natural in the life of every person.
2. It can take place as a series of crisis periods with a total duration of up to 10 years,
3. Its consequences are often devastating: it is at this time that the greatest number of divorces (especially between the ages of 38 and 42), neuroses, professional failures, alcoholism and even suicides occur. A person is periodically attacked by doubts, disbelief in himself; desire for self-isolation and abandonment of relationships; sexual extremes (promiscuity or difficulty in choosing a partner), doubt about goals, loss of meaning.

Wherein

* Unlike childhood and adolescent crises, it has been studied much less.
* There is practically no serious support in it, except for non-specialized psychological consultations and typical everyday advice (sometimes the first and second coincide). I will give the most common ones: endure, do not give up, do not wait for more (this is in the period from 30 to 45 years old!), Do not overwork at work, spend your vacation more varied.

And all this is offered as a solution to one of the most serious transformational periods in a person's life. But the quality of the entire subsequent (rather big, mind you!) part of life depends on how it is passed. The advice offered is certainly not bad, but superficial. To master all the tasks of this part of life, you need something different.
How to understand that I have it?

“With the number 37, hops fly off me at the moment ...”

V. Vysotsky

1. Age. Scientists call rather wide age limits from 30 to 45 years. At the same time, it is believed that women have a crisis a little earlier.
2. According to statistics, a midlife crisis more often manifested in men (in Russia - every second) than in women (every third).
3. "Warning symptoms" are:

* Anxiety about the future (fear of losing a job, being left without a livelihood, etc.),
* Awareness of the joylessness of one's existence,
* Feeling that life goes by like a carbon copy: nothing new, nothing interesting
* Neurosis, depression, apathy, dissatisfaction with life,
* Feeling of shaky health (it is during this period that more frequent exacerbations of chronic diseases begin, the first signs of aging appear, and men have problems with potency),
* Negative reappraisal of marriage. The partner is the one who starts to annoy in the first place. A huge number of life's problems fall on her (him),
* Negative reassessment of the career path. If the life path is chosen incorrectly, then there is a feeling of dissatisfaction with oneself, one's achievements, the need to change everything, to start life anew. But stubborn physiology makes it clear that not everything is on the shoulder. A person begins to worry very acutely that his plans are at odds with reality.
* Doubts about the correctness of the chosen case: what am I doing? From time to time I want to leave everything and go to Honduras, to help the starving population,
* In the absence of a family, friendships - heavy thoughts about one's own solvency. This issue is especially acute for women.
* Spiritual quest, appeal to religion or esotericism. At this age, we begin to wonder why we live? And what happens after death? Are we managing our time right?
* In the "neglected case" - an irresistible desire to drop everything and rush off in a red Ferrari with an 18-year-old mistress somewhere far away, towards a cherished youthful dream.

In general, there are two scenarios of experience:

1. “Youth has passed, but I never had time to enjoy it”
2. “I’m already at a serious age, but I haven’t achieved anything”

In both cases, it is not easy to live.
Causes

“How few roads have been traveled ... how many mistakes have been made”

S. Yesenin

The discoverer of "illness", Canadian psychoanalyst Eliot Jacques, 45 years ago came to the conclusion that in the middle of life people experience a certain crisis. Its first reason is physiological: what was easy and simple in youth now causes difficulties and problems.

The second is related to psychology: middle age is a kind of bridge between two generations - no longer young, but not yet old. Here begins a serious reassessment of values, which was discussed above.

The third reason is social. Have all the tasks of society characteristic of this age been decided by a person: career, children, family, respect for others, satisfied ambitions, realized important goals, one's own Path, etc.? If not, severe reflection cannot be avoided.

"Death is what happens to others"

Joseph Brodsky

It seems we've always thought of death in a very vague way, as something that might happen, not necessarily happen. We perceive the words of I. Brodsky as an indisputable truth ... before the midlife crisis. For the first time, we begin to doubt her at the age of 5, then - after 30, this time seriously and for a long time. The onset of one's own death ceases to be an abstract event. The countdown begins - now we think, not about how much has been lived, but how much is left.

It is at this moment that we begin to clearly see what M. Heidegger called "the impossibility of further possibilities." For some, this leads to “awakening experiences”, about which the famous psychotherapist I. Yalom spoke like this: “Confrontation with death provokes fear, but at the same time can make life much richer,” because understanding the finiteness of life, we strive to make it more complete and bright.
Women's version

For a woman, creativity is pure water and healing food.

K.P. estess

It used to be that only men had the right to this “brand”. Because their main purpose is to work. A woman has a different direction of creativity - she bears, gives birth and brings up a child. By nature, this is its main work, purpose. But in our time, the concepts of success and financial freedom have suddenly changed gender and become feminine. Women approach the middle pore no less confident, and with their heads held high. I must say that they are somewhat better prepared for the crisis, simply because they are used to taking care of themselves and being attentive to their age. And if a man’s 40th birthday can be taken by surprise, because yesterday he was definitely 18, then a woman’s 35 years old does not come suddenly, but immediately after 34.

The direction of the female crisis may be somewhat different than that of men. For many women in this time is characterized by the desire for creativity, which has a magical variability. Clarissa Estess, the famous female soul researcher, writes about it this way: “The art of ironing a collar perfectly, sparking a revolution, pulling off a big deal, sitting at the loom, loving someone deeply, growing a child to adulthood, helping a people rise from their knees, cherish their marriage is like a garden, to mine spiritual gold, to find your voice. These are all moments of a creative life.”

Creativity can also be expressed as

1. The desire to find your own Path, to reveal all your extraordinary talents, which, of course, exist, but have not yet been revealed. At this age, women are actively looking for their real self. Even if they have already taken place in any of the professions, they are ready for change. Now that the difficult period of survival has passed, they want to please themselves and those around them.
2. Desire to look younger. No comments.
3. Desire to give birth. Especially typical for those who were passionate about a career.
4. Desire to make a career. It's about those. Who stayed at home.

Crisis and Family

As I said, at this time the family is under attack. The couple is not easy. Often, in search of new experiences, men leave (now we know that the matter is not so much in the wife, but in himself). But at the same time, according to statistics, they rarely report that they have become happier after a radical break with the family. 95% of them make attempts to return, but not all women are ready to accept them back. In articles on this topic, women, as a rule, are given only two “simple” pieces of advice: patience and wisdom. I don't think that women themselves have not guessed about it. The only question is how to actualize these golden resources in oneself and survive a long period without victims and destruction, and ideally - happily.

Without further ado: if you suspect a midlife crisis in your half - do not waste time, study the topic, delicately show this article to your spouse, encourage you to contact "Simple Solutions" (http://e-solovieva.ru) or contact yourself.

The trouble is that many of those who are in the very middle of the whirlpool called "midlife crisis" are completely unaware of it in themselves; they don’t know what it is and how to go through it harmoniously. This makes his life painful for the person himself and his loved ones.
Part 2
How to get through the crisis harmoniously? Simple Solutions

Every crisis has three successive stages: the first is euphoria. We do not yet anticipate future problems and actively like ourselves. We are satisfied with our own reflection in the mirror, and the state of health after a sleepless night is not even drawn to malaise. For those who do not hear the subtle signals of the body, the second stage comes unexpectedly.

This is actually a crisis. Transformation. Which translates into Russian as "new birth". Childbirth is a painful process, but, as you know, productive. It is here that a new understanding of oneself and one's values ​​is born in agony.

At the third stage, adaptation takes place: a person understands: “I am different!” and adapts this understanding to life.

We are not always ready to admit something important to ourselves. We continue to attribute serious manifestations of the crisis to the workload, magnetic storms, character, poor health, etc.

Solution 1

If you have signs of it (see Part 1: http://e-solovieva.ru/?p=251) - realize what exactly is happening to you. Don't run from it A midlife crisis is a kind of stop for rethinking life. The highest point of an imaginary parabola. We rolled in there, like a light ball, driven by the energy of youth and froze ... "point of no return." The plateau, beyond which the right wing of the parabola is already visible, is a decline. Here it is so important not to fuss, not to waste energy in vain, to subtly and steadily hear yourself, your aspirations. Understand, feel, feel what is now becoming the most important (as a rule, this is not at all what seemed important in youth).
Solution 2

Conduct a life audit. Recognize your important accomplishments. Set goals for the next 3, 5, 10 years. Find out if they are true. Are yours? Everything in nature develops naturally: spring follows winter, day follows morning. Is it possible to avoid summer or evening (many people are already wondering whether it is possible to avoid the crisis)? I think the answer is obvious. But the question is still different:

How to make an evening unforgettable? How to enjoy all the beauty of summer?

During this period, we are full of strength. Like the sodium-calcium balance in the mouth that ensures our “dental well-being” (remember the ads on TV), there is an essential balance in our life - the balance of ENERGY and WISDOM. When we are young, there is more than enough energy, but there are still obvious difficulties with wisdom. In old age, the scales tilt in her direction, but we do not have enough strength. It is on this phenomenon that the saying “if youth knew, if old age could” is based.

In middle age, this balance is in perfect condition. We can already do a lot and know ourselves and the world quite well.

Solution 3

Focus not on how to avoid the crisis, but on how to make the most of it for the full realization of yourself. Stop spinning in the orbit of doubt and reflection. Recognize the importance of the moment. Its shortness (this period seems long only with its negative current J). Act. Much depends on how this stage is passed in the next part of life.

Solution 4

Choose VERY IMPORTANT life goals. Possibly the MOST important. Start implementing them. Note: if it seems to you that you have already implemented EVERYTHING possible - return to the solution 2) Remember R. Bach: “Question: Have you fulfilled your mission on earth? Answer: if you are alive - no.

In business, one of the most important questions every organization has to answer in mid-life is the choice between growth and operation: diversify or “keep it up”? Approximately the same question is solved by a person, often unconsciously. We either “calm down” or set new heights.

Solution 5

Look for inspiring interests and dreams that you are going to pursue in the second half of your life. Checking whether it is or not is simple: your plans should give you energy. Learning Chinese, learning to snowboard, swimming with whale sharks, buying a house in Italy, traveling around the world, etc. are J.

Solution 6

Do not tighten. Visit places you have always wanted to visit. Do what you always wanted to do (even if it's a little scary or unusual). Let your life "Version-2010" surprise and delight you with its fullness, intensity and quality. Of course, the way out of the crisis is easier and more harmonious with a professional assistant: a good coach helps to quickly and easily realize and accept the changes that a person has to face on the path of growth and wisdom, set and realize important goals, and move towards one's own greatness. Of all the possible accompaniments for this period, only psychotherapy is offered. But everyone is ready to take advantage of it because of the prevailing stereotypes. Coaching is more results-focused and therefore more appropriate for people who are used to feeling strong and mentally healthy.

Solution 7

Contact the coaching project "Simple Solutions" (http://e-solovieva.ru/), which specializes in solving problems and challenges in a midlife crisis. Couldn't say it straight out ;).
Solution 8

Reassess your age. Dr. Paul Bragg, for example, died at the age of 95, but not from old age, but died prematurely while surfing in a violent storm.

The invaluable result of the crisis is maturity: The mind has matured into wisdom; Ability to contacts - in softness and indulgence; self-awareness - in trust. In a series of transformations, a mature person was born - one who feels responsible for others, knows how to care, is active in society, and is not afraid of intimacy.

In the middle of a life's journey, a person goes through a difficult, turning point, where he has to do serious inner work, rethink life, correct his attitude to the world and himself. Despite the importance of the topic, there are few helpers along the way. There is little information. It is very important to realize this period in time, to find something that will help you live happily.

As Eastern wisdom says: one who is not able to appreciate all the advantages of his age is doomed to experience all his shortcomings.

P.S.: Yes, nuuuu ... Stop it! ”- some will say,“ this is all nonsense, there is no crisis! I hasten to disappoint. The midlife crisis is just one of those "natural phenomena" that absolutely do not depend on our will. It comes like autumn, like a full moon, no matter what we think about it. How to pass it, for how many years, what results to endure - it's up to you!

P.P.S.: Yes, by the way, quit smoking, go on vacation to Africa and not worry about trifles, against the background of all of the above, J will not hurt at all!

age crises - an ordinary and at the same time mysterious phenomenon about which everyone has heard more than once. So, the notorious “midlife crisis” inevitably pops up in the conversations of older people, and the “quarter-life crisis” has become a real plague of modern 20-year-olds. It is important to understand that the psychological problems associated with a certain age are not at all far-fetched: we all face them in one way or another. When you find yourself in a situation of life crisis, the main thing is to remember that you are not the first one to experience it. Most age-related crises can be dealt with, eventually turning them into a productive period of life. With the help of psychotherapist Olga Miloradova, we figure out what existential crises we are destined to go through, why they arise and how to survive them.

Dasha Tatarkova

Teen Crisis

Any age associated with this or that crisis, of course, is very conditional. So, one of the brightest and most difficult stages of our growing up falls on 14-19 years. This time is associated with various psychological, physiological and social changes that greatly change a person. Puberty becomes the strongest shake-up, turning every day of a teenager into a rollercoaster of emotions. Importantly, it is at this moment that people for the first time have to think about what awaits them in the near future, when they will formally be considered “adults”. Anyone knows firsthand how difficult it is to decide at 16, 17, 18 what you will do for the rest of your life and what you will work tirelessly for during your university years.

Today's teenagers spend most of their time in the school system. The regimentation of life makes the need to make a supposedly fateful decision especially difficult. Incredible social pressure does not help either: at school, teachers are frightened by final exams, at home, parents are frightened by entrance exams. And only a few adults guess to ask what the teenager himself thinks and wants, whose future is at stake. Such psychological pressure can lead to a sad outcome: for example, in South Korea, it is believed that only graduates of the three most prestigious universities in the country have prospects. Therefore, local teenagers, in an effort to enter the right university, bring themselves to complete exhaustion both at school and in additional courses. This burden, in turn, leads to an unprecedented number of suicides among young people.

To take a sober look at their desires and abilities, teenagers are not allowed by off-scale emotions and a heightened perception of the world. Otherwise, any 17-year-old would quickly realize that it's normal at his age not to know exactly what you want. It is teenagers who most often give up hobbies that were invented and imposed on them by their parents in childhood. Rejecting the old and looking for the new is a natural process. American teenagers have long come up with a way to experience this moment wisely: many decide to take the so-called gap year after graduation, that is, a break between studies in order to travel, work and generally take a closer look at life outside the usual system and better understand themselves. This method does not promise divine revelations, but it helps to look at the world from a new angle.

The desire for independence is a natural desire of a teenager, which should be encouraged within reasonable limits.

The identity crisis is not only trying to figure out who you "want to be when you grow up." It is much more important that it is at this moment that the formation of an assessment of one's personality takes place. Girls often struggle when it comes to accepting their changing bodies. Cultural pressure doesn't make it easy when Victoria's Secret models are staring from all the billboards and you have to tighten your braces once a month. The study of one's own sexual orientation still leads to a huge number of tragedies due to the fact that those around them (both peers and older people) do not always accept homosexual teenagers. Transsexual teenagers also have a hard time, for whom puberty in someone else's body can turn into a severe psychological trauma.

At the same time, social identification takes place - a search for oneself in the context of the surrounding society. Dealing with all this is sometimes not easy without a psychologist, coach or even a psychoanalyst, but you need to start with yourself, no matter what role you are in. A loving family, ready to accept their maturing child, and not just control and pull, is the key to successful growing up, even taking into account teenage rebellion and alienation. The desire for independence is a natural desire of a teenager, which should be reasonably encouraged, not to put obstacles, but to allow him to openly demonstrate his emotions and desires. Growing up is a ticket to a very, very long train, so there's no point in rushing and being angry that it doesn't happen all at once.

Olga Miloradova

psychotherapist

The main crises identified by psychologists in human life are crises of childhood. Neonatal crisis, early childhood, preschool age, school puberty and so on. If we talk about the crisis already in a more or less adult person, then in principle he does not have a clear attachment to age - rather to events. If children's crises are the almost complete collapse of the old system and the assembly of a new one, then adults are always a kind of choice. Conflict of contradictions: go with the flow or completely change everything, be like everyone else or go towards your goal against the rules. Since we are talking about the point of choice, it seems to me that the majority of Russian teenagers immediately enter the university, so the experiences and the moment of crisis rather precede the moment of choice. When the choice has already been made and the change of conditions has been successful, then, in general, there is no choice: now you have to adapt.

quarter life crisis

Have you graduated from university and do not know what to do with yourself? Managed to work at 2-3 different jobs, but do not find a place for yourself? Friends get married, get divorced, have kids, and you don't feel ready for that kind of change? Congratulations, you are not alone in your problem - you just have a quarter-life crisis. For a more poetic and detailed definition of this life period, you can turn to pop culture, which regularly comprehends the psychological problems of those who are under thirty: it is precisely this period that the heroines of the TV series “Girls” and “Broad City” experience, or the characters of Greta Gerwig in the films Frances Sweet and Miss America.

Over the past decades, there has been a marked shift in the socially acceptable time to enter independent adulthood. Many factors came together: along with the increase in life expectancy, the situation on the labor market gradually changed. Financial crises and a change in priorities from loyalty to one company throughout life to personal growth and frequent job changes have led to the fact that the revision of their achievements and disorientation, known as the "crisis of thirty years", has shifted to a conditional twenty-five for many. By this age, many already have time to try different relationships and professions, but are still not ready to stop at one thing and are just beginning to determine their aspirations, feelings and interests. Twenty-five is an approximate age: in fact, most people who feel lonely, lost, and led astray are approaching their thirties.

Parents of modern 30-year-olds tried to provide them with the most comfortable life. Many “children”, having got used to this, do not want to live on their own: Richard Linklater noticed this in his film “The Idler” back in 1991. Unlike parents, today's 30-year-olds are not eager to have children as soon as possible and do not put career stability at the forefront of success. At the same time, global social moods are not keeping pace with their world view, and the experience of fathers and mothers inspires additional uncertainty in their choice and provokes a sense of guilt. For their “unwillingness to grow up,” millennials have even been called the Peter Pan generation.

For all this, also, which appeared in the era of social networks. We invariably feel like we're doing something wrong because, according to the myth created by Facebook and Instagram, we're the only ones with problems - not our friends or colleagues. When the fear of being less successful and interesting than your friends doesn't let go, remind yourself that any person's social network account is just a squeeze of the best of the best, a social construct created by the effort of thought. Try to focus on what you want and can achieve here and now, and get on with the plan.

Popular advice on how to overcome and even accept the state of uncertainty that is characteristic of a quarter-life crisis is most often based on Zen practices. Firstly, it is useful to make lists, but not to grab onto a hundred things at once, but to take on the tasks set gradually, doing a little bit every day. You need to come to terms with the fact that mistakes are inevitable - and not be afraid of them. It is important to finally honestly admit to yourself that you are interested and what hobbies you really like, and not imposed by relatives or friends. The main advice, especially useful in light of what was said above about social networks, is to learn not to compare yourself with others. Society is gradually beginning to realize that the only way up is not the only possible and definitely not the best one, so it's time to find something comfortable for everyone individually. On the way, always help on what is happening. The crisis of a quarter of life is actually even useful, it helps to break out of imposed expectations, put life in order and rebuild it to your liking.

Olga Miloradova

psychotherapist

The crisis is not inherently destructive - it provides an opportunity for personal growth. Due to the shift in adulthood, the frames have also shifted. Someone at twenty-five just graduated from the university, while someone at thirty already has 5-7 years of career behind him and a reassessment of achievements begins. Another scenario: career is moving, but personal life is not; or exactly the opposite - there is a child, but no career years. A crisis is a feeling of either complete impasse or prolonged stagnation. After high school, it can come if, for example, a person studied not for himself, but for the sake of a “crust”, moms and dads, and he himself dreamed of a completely different thing. When it comes to understanding that you spent time not at all on what you always dreamed of, then new things begin to seem important and life is being restructured to new ideals.

Middle age crisis

If the previous type of crisis was associated, in fact, with fear for one's future, then this one is entirely tied to the past. A midlife crisis means that one day you wake up and an uninvited horror rolls over you: everything that you have achieved so far seems to lose all meaning. Work, home, partner, children - everything seems dull and meaningless: the business that a whole life is spent on does not bring pleasure, love and love seem far away, and the children are most likely so busy with their own affairs that they hardly pay attention to you . It is in connection with this stage that it is customary to recall clichés like buying expensive cars, alcohol abuse, cravings for romance with younger partners on the side, the inevitable divorce and all sorts of attempts to touch the bygone youth. We have seen such stories more than once in American Beauty, Greenberg, Big Disappointment, Apatov's Adult Love, or in the new While We're Young.

The term "midlife crisis" was coined by the Canadian psychoanalyst Elliot Jacques. With it, he designated a transitional period of life, covering the time somewhere between 40 and 60 years old, when life loses its colors and a rethinking of everything that happened before begins. The famous psychoanalyst Eric Erickson, who developed the theory of personality development, described the last two stages of human life (maturity and old age or stagnation and despair) very much like the general provisions of the midlife crisis. In particular, Erickson briefly characterized this life stage with two questions: "How to make my life not go to waste" and "How to understand that it is not shameful to be yourself?".

Despite the fact that the concept of a midlife crisis has firmly settled in modern culture (there is a theory that Bond is the result of such a period in the life of Ian Fleming), it is no easier to describe it unambiguously than all of the above crises. In different people, it manifests itself in different ways, overtakes them at different ages, for some it becomes a positive experience, and for someone it is the beginning of severe depression. Financial status, the state of personal life and other sociocultural factors strongly influence whether a midlife crisis will happen to a person or not.

However, there are also constant variables: a midlife crisis is characterized by an oppressive sense of disappointment, as well as an awareness of human mortality. During this period of life, many experience the death of their closest relatives, such as parents. Such a loss is not only a grief that is difficult to cope with: it also makes you think about the inevitability of your death and provokes existential fear. At the same age, for many, the end of a career comes, or at least there are restrictions in the conditions or duration of work. Age makes itself felt at the level of physiology: mobility decreases, and menopause occurs in women, associated not only with strong hormonal, but also psychological restructuring. Contrary to popular belief, the male body is also undergoing changes, the so-called andropause, when there is a decrease in testosterone in the blood.

Psychologists note that all of the above symptoms cause stress, but do not necessarily lead to a state of crisis. Even when they overlap, a person does not necessarily end up in a deep depression. The midlife crisis is primarily a time of reflection and rethinking of life. The fact that it most often overtakes those who are over forty does not mean that it will not happen to you later or earlier, all other things being equal.

With a midlife crisis (like any other), it's important not to miss the moment when it turns into clinical depression. In this case, you should definitely seek professional help. In all other cases, practical advice for overcoming psychological problems can be briefly described as "do not be afraid of change and do not panic." Physical activity will not only help you feel as active as before, but also improve your mood in a natural way. The most difficult and most rewarding thing is to accept the changes, try to direct the fear of parental mistakes into a productive channel and build relationships with children. As captain as it may sound, finding new non-destructive hobbies will really help alleviate existential fear. Aging, like growing up, is an inevitable part of life, and it must be accepted and worked with what is.

Olga Miloradova

psychotherapist

If most of the crises discussed earlier are not so much crises (despite their names) as productive periods of change and growth, then it is customary to mean a crisis in the psychological sense by a midlife crisis. It is expressed in unproductive depression, depreciation and denial of all that has been achieved. Routine, thoughts of death, and empty nest syndrome can cause such a state. A nihilistic position appears: everything is bad simply because it is bad.

A classic example: faced with the death of a loved one and feeling animal horror, many seek solace in religion and, it would seem, they find it. In fact, the majority finds a cozy home for themselves, hiding from several existential givens at once, which everyone faces sooner or later and which must be accepted - we are talking about mortality and loneliness. In fact, a person remains in an unresolved conflict, convulsively clutching at what is life after death. As a result, there is no growth, no acceptance, no next step. Therefore, the main rule that you need to follow no matter what kind of life crisis has caught you: you can’t hide your head in the sand - you need to try to process the revelation that has overtaken you into something productive.