Why some people are insecure and afraid, while others succeed in relationships and in life.

From not our Wikipedia:
"In the Royal Navy and Commonwealth navies (Royal Canadian Navy, Royal Australian Navy, Royal New Zealand Navy, South African Navy), the quartermaster is the seaman who is functioning as the helmsman. In harbour, the quartermaster is the senior member of the gangway staff and is responsible for supervising the boatswain "s mate and the security of the brow."
The bottom line is that this is the skipper, the helmsman ....

No, no, the helmsman and the skipper (captain) are two different things. The task of some is to physically turn the helm while maintaining the set course and without asking too many questions; on a large sailing ship, sometimes two or three had to be at the helm to hold, plus their different shifts - that's already a group.
The other one must know everything, manage and be responsible for the ship.

Yes, in childhood I read to the holes and "Captain Blood" and "Treasure Island" and other works that excite the blood and give the feeling of a salty wind and incredible adventures. Now there is much less reading, more and more films, TV series "Black Sails", "Vikings" ...

From the speeches of previous speakers, I was confused by three questions. Stern or nose? Weller or Tochinsky? Truth or fiction of an amateur? An exercise of a pure ignorant mind: I bet on 1. Nose, 2. Weller, because he has a nose, and 3. Truth.

I'm betting on OBryan. No one gives an exact etymology, and it doesn’t matter. In the 19th century navy, the quartermaster is the chief helmsman, ranked above sailors and below officers. Logically, he should stand not far from the helm.

The pirates gave him some additional powers, as opposed to the captain.

The quarterdeck is closer to the stern, where the helm and captain are. Marines with guns defended the captain, but they have their own branch of service and their own commander, who has nothing to do with the helmsman.

And I think the pirates didn’t have marines :), some kind of organization of their own.

Many of those who were called pirates in reality were corsairs of the world or privateers. Very many of them used to serve in the official navies of the world. And many often changed color, almost every few raids. Therefore, the organization on many "pirate" ships differed little from the official fleets.

Yes, boarding here seems to me to have nothing to do with the term.

I think whoever was in command, the group could well gather at the right point and jump from where it is most convenient. In the books that I read, the captains each time separately appointed who was in command of the boarding group - the first lieutenant of the ship or the second, or someone else, and how many groups and in what quantity, according to the situation.

Cheered up. Yes, it's just some kind of copulation by mutual desire, parallel to the sides. In practice, I think, there was a cartoon "Just you wait!", One runs away, the other catches up, and their desires are directly opposite. In such cases, boarding is overtaken by the nose.

A few words about the captain and navigator (navigator - Russian German Dutch). The navigator must be able to determine the position of the ship-ship in the sea (according to the Sun, the starry sky and past records) and plot a course from point "A" to point "B". All. To turn this course into a series of commands to the sailors - and to manage the sails on a multi-sailed ship - is a whole science and art - this is no longer his task, but the captain and his first mate (first mate, chief). And the control of the ship in battle is exclusively the captain's prerogative.
Since the work of a navigator required a serious knowledge of astronomy and mathematics, there were very few such people, a little more than naval doctors. So they were highly valued and often had great ambitions.

This is the general idea. In practice, all officers of a Royal Navy ship (except perhaps the same doctor) had to have some navigator skills and had to be able to manage sails to some extent - this was combined in the concept of "keep watch". On merchant and pirate ships, this could not be the case, the same Silver could not be a navigator simply due to a lack of education, since he did not study trigonometry at school well and was too lazy to memorize the tables of Bradis.

Apparently, the pirates had a slightly different order than in the navy, they did not like the absolute power of the captain.

Mikhail Veller, "Feast of the Spirit":

One-legged cook Silver tells the young sailors whom he persuaded to piracy who he was and what he once cost ... "The whole team was afraid of old Flint like fire, and Flint himself was afraid of me alone." Nothing self-characteristic. Who remembers the name of Captain Flint's ship? "Walrus". And who remembers who Silver was on this ship - still young, with two legs? It is rarely remembered. Well? - healthy, strong, brave, cruel? Not? He was a quartermaster! Guys - why? Why is the toughest thug on a pirate ship, whom the captain of this desperate rabble himself is afraid of, listed as a quartermaster on the ship's role? And what does a quartermaster do on a pirate ship? Giving out apartments? So only the captain, the navigator, the main gunner, the boatswain, the carpenter and the cook have cabins - the other sailor lives in a cockpit or two cockpits, or simply hangs canvas bunks on the battery deck for the night, as was done in cramped military sailing ships . (The sizes were small, and the people needed to go to hell for sails and cannons. Even linear three-deck hundred-hundred-twenty-gun ships of the late 18th - early 19th centuries had a length of about 50 meters, and the crew on them reached seven hundred people, and thousands, and almost up to one and a half reached a hundred and forty-four-gun brutes of the first rank, and herring in a barrel lived more spaciously than they.And in the XVIII century, a relatively fast and armed with artillery ship, suitable for pirates, had a displacement of not one and a half to four thousand tons, like these pot-bellied giants - but two hundred, four hundred, seven hundred maximum. And the people needed at least a hundred people - for sails, always plus for guns or for boarding in battle. A normal crew of such a vessel is at least one and a half to two hundred. What cabins!) I got into the dictionary and made sure that quartiermeister (German) is in charge of the distribution of military personnel to living quarters. It looks like cunning Silver managed to get himself a non-dusty position. But. But. He was not exactly a quartiermeister. In the original text, he was the quartermaster. Well, because it's in English, not German. Here is such an insignificant, purely linguistic difference in spelling. However. Master in English is the chief, senior, master, commander. "Master" in many fleets (unofficially - and in Russian to this day) is called the captain. And "quarter" is a quarter, a quarter, a fourth. And "quarterdeck" is literally "fourth deck" or "quarter deck". A kind of superstructure over the upper battery deck. And it was not always placed on the quarterdeck. And in the 18th century, it rose in a ledge directly behind the curved protrusion of the stem, behind the mount in the bowsprit hull, and occupied a significant part between the fore and mainsail, the first and second masts. And it was located, thus, at the level of the cheekbone and behind it, along the nasal bulge of the side and the beginning of its even longitudinal line. It was in this place that the ship first of all touched the enemy's hull, approaching and falling down with him in boarding. From here, first of all, they jumped over to the enemy deck. Here the boarding team gathered before the stall. "Quartermaster" John Silver was the commander of the quarterdeck, that is, the boarding team! On the pirate ship, he commanded the elite thugs, the vanguard, the amphibious assault, the capture team! That is: by position he was the main thug. Flint himself was afraid of him. And this first fighter of the team was quite in his place. Here's the Quartermaster. The nuances of the differences between German and English spelling... There are many such funny fleas in the history of literary translation: generations of readers somehow get used to them and do not notice. What do you mean Chukovsky, a specialist in the history of the sailing navy, or something.

Thanks, interesting.

Knowing Silver, it is clear, of course, that the reasons to be afraid of him could only be political. The likelihood of rebellion and reprisals. Painfully strong was the influence. He even fought off the black mark easily, justified that they had beguiled something. Yes, and the Bible scared. It would be dangerous to touch on lawlessness. And not out of lawlessness did not provide such an opportunity. And so they lived.

He lost his leg - in the attacks he chieftained. Seem to be. And here is with vanoshenichestvo not hobby, think. After losing his leg, he found a job. The gallows were waiting on the shore. A cook is needed on the ship. There is time to talk with the team. You can bribe sailors with nishtyaks. It is also dangerous to quarrel with the cook, especially for the captain. The sailors from the obshchak probably slurp. But the captain is different. If something is wrong, you can go to the forefathers, cho.

a person with knowledge of navigation and navigation had no chance of surviving. They killed so that there would be no temptation of rebellion and the removal of the captain
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Complete nonsense, Billy Bones, from the meeting with whom the novel begins, was just the navigator on Flint's ship. And to put the life of the entire team in dependence on the life of one person who could be killed just by a random bullet, there were no such idiots among the pirates.

In addition, after the navigator Arrow fell drunk over the side of the Hispaniola, boatswain Erickson was nominated for this position, which suggests that the latter has a certain qualification in this regard. So navigation was by no means the captain's know-how. But Silver did not have such knowledge ("which of you will calculate the course?"). So on a small Hispaniola (the whole crew, I think nineteen people) there were at least three navigation specialists. On a large ship, obviously, even more.

- Some were afraid of Pugh, others - Billy Bones, and me ... hehe ... Flint himself was afraid of me!
Who was so scary?

The only person Flint feared was his quartermaster, John Silver, who later even named his parrot "Captain Flint" in derision.

John Silver was quartermaster. And Flint himself was afraid of him. No wonder Lanky John is an exceptional individual. But what is the position of "quartermaster"? The note to the Russian translation says: "supervisor of food." Which is not true at all.

In the original, Silver was not a quartermaster - he was a quartermaster, that is, a master of some quarter.

On ships, and not just pirate ships, but on English renaissance ships in general, the foreman is the head of the deck. A deck or deck is a horizontal surface covering at least two-thirds of the ship's length. Each deck has its own master. If there are cannons on the deck, the master is an artilleryman, if this is the lowest deck, then a hold-machine, I don’t know exactly how it sounded called. By the way, it was the holdout who was engaged in food, he is closer.

The only deck on which the master was not responsible for the order was the uppermost deck, where the boatswain was in charge. This in no way infringed on the rights of the captain, who commanded the ship as a whole. The boatswain ensured only the proper performance of the part of the crew employed on the bridge of their duties.

But there was another deck, often virtual, sometimes built temporarily - the quarterdeck, so named because it did not exceed a quarter of the ship's length. Quarterdeck included quarterdeck (platform or deck in the stern of a sailing ship, one level above the waist, where the captain was, in whose absence - watch and guard officers, and compasses were installed there) and a canopy temporarily built over the bridge, usually assembled before an attack and more often on combat or pirate (a special case of combat) ships.

There, on the quarterdeck and quarterdeck, was the boarding party, the Marines of that era, a team of desperate thugs with a high probability of being killed in an attack. In short boarding battles, the team that acted as a single organism, that is, was assembled, prepared and organized by a skillful and strong leader - the quarterdeck master, or quartermaster, won. Thus, John Silver was not the head of the production of feasts at Flint, but the chieftain of the Marine Corps.

Warfare is a type of hobby for him, let's remember a similar character, professional amateur cook John Casey Ryback, performed by Steven Seagal (films Capture, etc.). Here everything immediately falls into place, Flint would be a fool if he were not afraid of such a person. I think so any captain, unless he combined the duties of a quartermaster with his basics (Blackbeard), was afraid of his chieftain. Something had to be done to counter it. Flint and opposed. On pirate ships, only one person, the captain, knew navigational science. At sea, the death of the captain meant the death of the team, only this kept Silver from attacking Flint. An interesting fact is that when the team was captured by pirates, they could leave the life of anyone, but a person with knowledge of navigation and navigation had no chance of surviving. They killed so that there would be no temptation of rebellion and the removal of the captain.

One of the basic human needs is the need for communication. It is vital for people to contact with their own kind, joint activities and. Otherwise, a person is threatened with depression or even mental problems.

However, there are situations when a person shuns society for certain reasons. Being among people causes him painful sensations, awkwardness and even fear.

Why are people afraid of other people?

The main reason why some people are afraid of other people is childhood trauma. Sometimes a person remembers and realizes it, but often, as befits a mental trauma, it goes into the subconscious and makes a person behave in a similar way. Resentment, personal abuse, insecurity, life threats experienced in childhood - these and other factors can become a source of problems in relationships with other people in an adult.

Occasionally, phobias appear in adulthood as a result of severe stress of a different nature.

What are people who are afraid of people called?

The fear of people is called social phobia or anthropophobia. People who are afraid of other people are called sociophobes. However, the group of phobias according to the criterion “fear of people” includes many phobias. Depending on this fearful person, you can call it differently:

xenophobe - one who is afraid of strangers;
androphobe - one who is afraid of men;
gynophobe - one who is afraid of women;
gravidophobe - one who is afraid of pregnant women.

How to stop being afraid of people?

Anthropophobia can have different severity. A weak form of fear can be overcome by yourself. If the fear is so strong that it prevents you from living a fulfilling life, you may need the help of a specialist.

The problem of treating this phobia lies in the fact that a person with this phobia cannot fully communicate with a doctor or therapist because of his own fear.

If the question is only how to stop being shy and afraid of people, then it is quite possible to cope on your own using the following methods:

Also, you can help people. The affection and gratitude of other people help to get rid of the fear of human society.

A person who associates with people who excel in a certain area will become successful. True, not everyone succeeds, and the reason is the fear of people. It is not surprising that many are interested in how to stop being afraid of people.

Such individuals know that the lack of communication is fraught with an independent search for answers to various questions. Yes, and big mistakes can not be avoided. It is easier to move in the chosen direction, guided by the experience of others. Moreover, the proven advice of people who have managed to achieve a lot in life contribute to the rapid achievement of important goals.

Let's explore this topic in detail. I offer proven tips and tricks with which to get rid of fear.

Treat people as acquaintances and friends. Most often, a person is afraid of another, because he does not know him. If you introduce a stranger as a friend, it will be easier to communicate. You are not afraid to communicate with relatives and close friends?
If you find the path to success and take action, get rid of the fear of people and you will easily communicate with them.
There is no such thing as fear. People are not afraid of others, but afraid of being rejected and misunderstood. Realize this and stock up on confidence.
Fear is the reason why people rarely decide to get acquainted. Although, they do not understand that inaction and fear of mistakes become the cause of defeat.
How to overcome fear? Take care of what triggers it. Write down on a piece of paper what causes trembling in the knees, then act.
Face your fears face to face. Let's say it's scary to talk. Gather your courage and chat with the first passer-by. You will see that in a few minutes the fear will evaporate.
After that, a smile will appear on your face, because you realize that you were afraid of your own illusions all the time.
Fine weapons - a favorite pastime. Doing what you love, you will have to communicate with other people.

If the above methods are not suitable, pay attention to sports. Physical activity helps to forget fears, improve health and self-esteem. Get a strategic life goal and move towards it. The goal should be more important than the fears. Otherwise, you will not have to count on success.

How to stop being afraid of people on the street

Some experience discomfort, panic and intense fear during communication. According to experts, this is not a whim and not a feature of a person. This disease, because of which a person is afraid to look stupid and funny in the eyes of others. Phobia must be eradicated, as it is the cause of the lack of a full life.

Consider how to stop fighting people on the street. I hope that thanks to the recommendations you will solve the problems and return to a normal lifestyle.

Retire and think about what brings you into such a state. Track poorly charged thoughts to get to the root of the problem and eradicate it quickly.
Work on your communication skills. This does not mean that you need to change yourself, and do not immediately run in search of an interlocutor. Register in the chat or on the site, chat with other users on the Internet.
Don't forget self-esteem. To strengthen it, get to work and do it well. If the first time ends in failure, do not stop, anyone can make a mistake.
According to professional psychologists, provoking anxiety helps to get rid of fear of people. Experience the psyche in a variety of life situations.
If you have the opportunity to express your own point of view, be sure to do so. It doesn't matter how true it is.

The reason for the fear of people lies in the person himself. If you work on yourself, everything will work out and you will notice the result in the near future. You will be able to freely walk the streets of the city, look into the eyes of passers-by and not be afraid.

Video tips

If you can’t cope on your own at home, contact a psychologist. The doctor will suggest a proven technique.

How to stop being afraid of people at work

Everyone tends to be afraid of something, and fear haunts throughout life. Some are afraid of heights, others are afraid of pain, and others are afraid of dismissal or strict bosses. The list of phobias is extensive. And if some of them protect from troubles, others prevent a full life.

Let's take a closer look at the concept of fear. According to experts, fear is a process of a slight slowdown in the nervous and physical activity of a person, which appeared during evolution. This is a kind of defense reaction of the body, a response to a real or imagined danger. People show up differently. If some freeze in place, others fall out of reality.

Most often, people fall victim to social fear - a close relative of biological. Biological fear is a kind of self-preservation instinct, while the essence of social fear comes down to fear of people with a higher status.

What causes feelings of intimidation and fear at work? The list of factors is extensive and is represented by fear of the team and management, possible layoffs, competition, rivalry, criticism, failure and loss of a stable future.

It's time to learn how to stop being afraid of people at work.

Admit that you are afraid of something. According to psychologists, conscious fear is half the battle.
On a piece of paper, write down everything that makes you nervous and brings discomfort.
Do not disregard your own merits, which will help raise self-esteem. A good memory, knowledge of several foreign languages or computer technology will destroy petty fears.
Treat problems with humor. If you are very afraid of the leader, imagine that he is dancing naked in the middle of the field in a circle of cartoon animals. Agree, this image is not scary. The main thing is not to overdo it when creating.

Be sure to set yourself up for success. If there is a desire, you will find a solution to the problem. It is enough to show a little patience and your career will go uphill.

How to stop being afraid of people and start living

Fear is inherent in all people, but individuals who do not pay attention to it achieve great success, while others have to suffer. If you worry about this and attach great importance to fears, they will only intensify and you will not be able to win.

For some wise and educated individuals, fear is a collection of new obstacles and opportunities, overcoming which, they become stronger.

Psychologists have carefully studied this issue and, with the help of experiments, have created techniques that help to stop being afraid and start living.

Causes. Many people want to get rid of fear. However, they do not even know what they are afraid of. Therefore, a list of causes for concern will have to be drawn up. Having completed the process, you will understand that you are not afraid of everything. One fear protects against accidents, and the other needs emergency elimination. Some fears cannot be eliminated. In this case, curb them and take control.
spiritual peace . Stop being afraid with the help of spiritual peace. Anxiety is when a person thinks about something and experiences a feeling of anxiety. Peace of mind will save you from a hectic life. Read books, go to church, set goals, exercise.
Everyone has opportunities for spiritual development. The main thing is desire, time and certain knowledge.
First of all, you need to learn how to pray. The church or theological school will help in this matter. Remember, spiritual peace is the result of self-examination. During the process, a person gets to know himself, learns a lot of new things and understands how to become better.
Working on fear . To stop being afraid, you have to constantly work. It is not necessary to eliminate all fears, otherwise you will not be able to accumulate experience. Examine each fear in detail. Having dealt with the issue, draw up a step-by-step plan of action. Thanks to the plan, you will be able to act confidently and according to plan.
Face to face with fear . If you face fear face to face, you will become a successful and happy person, you will realize that for many years a mere trifle made your knees tremble. According to experts, it will be possible to overcome fear in one day if you do what you are afraid of several times. The source of experience is the human mind. Take action to get rid of it.
Favourite buisness . Scientists say that a hobby is a formidable weapon in the fight against personal problems. Take, for example, pike fishing. If you do not find the destination, depression and emptiness will appear. If you find a path in life, you will become fearless, standing on the way to a successful goal.

And I have fears that I actively fight at home and the recommendations listed are the result of the work done.

All about social phobia

On this note, I end the story. You have learned how to stop being afraid of people on the street and at work. In this regard, people on the planet are equal, everyone is afraid of something.

There is an opinion that some people succeed in relationships, and in general in life, because they have more successful “starting positions”: a beautiful body, confident behavior, charm, a sense of humor, no one humiliated them in childhood, their parents gave warmth and love, etc.

And if we fail to get along with people and build relationships with them, if we are indifferent to everyone, we certainly believe that the matter is in our “starting positions”. Because in childhood we were bullied by classmates, because our parents constantly criticized us, because we are insecure, unattractive, etc.

I agree that each of us has different starting positions. Indeed, there are people who, due to upbringing and personal characteristics, feel more confident and look more attractive than others. And this, of course, to a certain extent helps them to succeed more easily in relationships and in life in general.

But the defeatist attitude of many who think “I was born insecure, ugly and stupid, so I can’t be happy in relationships and in life” needs to be reconsidered. At least if we want to live happily. And I will try to give some valuable tips to those who strive to improve their lives, but experience psychological difficulties along the way.

Each of us can come to successful and happy relationships and lives, no matter what starting positions we have.

You have probably heard of the famous physicist Stephen Hawking. He is mute, confined to a wheelchair, and yet he has achieved much more in life than the vast majority of perfectly healthy people.

Another impressive example of a man whose starting positions a thousand times worse than any of us — Nick Vuychich. This is a world famous speaker, writer and philanthropist. He was born without arms and without legs. But his disability did not prevent him from fulfilling himself, marrying a beautiful woman, becoming a father.

So our starting position is not a sentence!

But there is one obstacle that, like no other, prevents us from developing and achieving heights in relationships and in life. It's the fear of making mistakes.

Nothing prevents us from communicating with people, building relationships with them, and generally achieving heights in life stronger than the fear of making a mistake. We are afraid to do something that will alienate people from us. Something that will not lead us to the desired result.

For example, if I'm fed up with work and want to start my own business, I may be afraid of making mistakes that will cause my business to fail. As a result, being in a psychological stupor because of the fear of possible mistakes, I will not do anything to realize my own business.

Or if I have to make a toast at a party, I may be afraid to do it, because my hands may tremble and my face may turn red. I'm afraid that these mistakes will spoil the impression people have of me.

But do people really see us as flawed, uninteresting, and unattractive if we make mistakes? And how can we make sure that mistakes do not prevent us from achieving our goals? That's what we're going to talk about today, but first...

WHY ARE WE AFRAID TO MAKE MISTAKES?

Society throughout our lives instills in us the fear of mistakes. It teaches us to treat them as something shameful, unacceptable.

As children, parents and teachers scolded us for mistakes, and classmates and friends laughed at us when we did something wrong. Received 2 points at school - the teacher scolded, and then also the parents. I didn’t score a simple goal during physical education - my friends got angry and said a couple of “affectionate”.

As a result, in adulthood, many of us have a strong fear of doing something that others will not like, which goes beyond what is considered normal and right. After all, a mistake can be followed by punishment, contempt or laughter. The irony of fate is that in most cases we are not scolded or condemned by anyone but ourselves!

Especially when it comes to such banal "mistakes" as a stupor when you need to make a toast or silence and shaking hands on a date. In fact, other people either do not pay attention to such our mistakes at all, or very soon forget about them. We can dwell on them for a very long time.

“Damn, she probably still remembers how my hands were shaking an hour ago when we drank coffee ... She must have thought that I was a sucker, and if I try to kiss her now, she will turn away to love ...”

We are in the real sense making an elephant out of a fly.

A logical question may arise: ok, Sasha, you're saying that other people don't notice or don't pay much attention to my mistakes... Then why aren't people interested in me and don't want any relationship with me??

I answer: other people are not interested in and do not want any relationship, not because you make mistakes, but because when you make a mistake you close yourself in or become wary and aggressive, expecting criticism and ridicule from others.

A guy who told a girl a joke she didn't laugh at might say to himself afterwards: "She doesn't laugh, she probably thinks I'm boring and she doesn't like me."

The guy sees his bad joke as a critical mistake! But the girl is repelled in the first place not by the fact that he told an unsuccessful joke (unless, of course, the guy’s humor does not contradict her moral values), but by the fact that after the failed joke the guy became somehow closed and offended!

Or another example: a girl at work dropped a folder of papers and everyone noticed it. She considered it an unforgivable mistake. She began to draw in her head that other people now consider her clumsy, awkward and stupid. Although no one told her that. She "reads" it in the eyes of other people. Although in fact, with almost 100% probability, any of them does not change their attitude towards the girl at all because of her mistake.

She just sees what she expects to see. As a result, she closes herself from her colleagues, begins to look at them with hostility and apprehension. Colleagues feel this and, accordingly, do not have much sympathy for this girl.

So what most often repels people is not that we make mistakes! They are repelled by the fact that we then become closed, wary and aggressive. Or passive, depressive and dull.

"Okay, Sasha. I admit that people do not pay attention to such mistakes as a failed joke, or a folder with papers falling ... But I have a special case, you know? In the 5th grade, the teacher really scared me when I was standing near the blackboard and I was petrified right in front of the whole class. I couldn't say anything or even move. Everyone around laughed, including the teacher ... since then I am very afraid that I will turn to stone again, I won’t be able to say anything, and people will consider me flawed. After all, I remember how callous and mocking my classmates turned out to be ... What prevents people from reacting again in the same way to this or another of my mistakes?

I would generally divide our life into "before graduation from school" and "after graduation from school." If you want, the word "school" can be replaced by "university". Grown-up people don't behave like schoolchildren... they don't scoff like that, they don't scoff. They are incomparably more mature and understanding than at 10-15 years old (in most cases).

And even if in adult life there are 1% of people who, due to their infantility, will laugh and make fun of you because of your mistake (if, for example, you blush in some situation and do not find what to say), then 99 % of people will forget this situation very quickly.

But if, after your mistake, you withdraw into yourself, get angry, offended or get ready for defense, people will feel it, and this will push almost 100% of them away! So everything that I wrote above is true for absolutely any situation.

“Sasha, I understand everything, but I really have a very atypical situation. I have..."

Look, there are no atypical situations. If you want, here's a test for you that will show if you really have a "super-duper unique situation": just start accepting your mistakes as something normal, acceptable, and see how relationships with people develop: will they glue Some labels for you, will they turn their backs on you...

You will see that adults are incredibly more mature and understanding than schoolchildren.

HOW TO STOP FEARING MISTAKES?

If we treated our mistakes as something normal, 99% of the time people would perceive us as positively as before the mistake was made!

And only in 1% of cases, their attitude towards us could really undergo strong changes: if a person is infantile, and reacts to some of our mistakes, like a fifth grader (which means that he has some problems ... and quite serious ones ), or if we made a really, really bad mistake... Like crashing a friend's car or misdiagnosing a patient...

But when we talk about such trifles as a shaking face and hands, a temporary stupor, and so on, this is unlikely to alienate a person if we take our “mistake” calmly and do not then become defensive or fall into complete despondency and depression. .

The main stumbling block with mistakes is this: on the one hand, we do not want to make a mistake in any case, because we have been brought up to hate mistakes. On the other hand, we are sure that mistakes cannot be avoided. And we are sure that people will react extremely negatively to our mistakes: they will lose interest in us, they will criticize, swear or laugh. Because of this, apathy, disbelief in one's own strength, depression and complete inaction.

As we said above, we are unlikely to find a girl who says “Eww, your hands were shaking when you drank coffee, so I don’t think you are a real man and I don’t want to know you anymore!”.

But a girl may well tell her friend “Yesterday I met a guy, at first everything was fine, we talked nicely, and I thought that something good could come out of this ... But then for some reason he closed, became somehow detached , sad ... I felt hurt and embarrassed when he suddenly changed. And most importantly, I do not understand why! He probably thought he didn't like me..."

Therefore, if we want to be successful in all respects (love, friends, work, hobbies, etc.), we should reconsider our attitude towards mistakes. We need to understand that our biggest mistake is to think that everything should be perfect for us (like in films), and that if we do something “not perfect”, people immediately want to get rid of our society.

In a sense, we need to lower the demands on ourselves. We have seen enough of all sorts of films, series about cool super-confident peppers and charming, super-feminine girls, and we believe that we need to be just like that in life. And any of our actions that deviate from this ideal, we consider as an unforgivable mistake!

But other people don't really care that our hands are shaking, or that we're frozen in place while making a toast! After all, they are also the most ordinary people, and they do not believe that their friends or loved ones should be like the hero of a movie or series.

But what really turns them off is when we become passive and depressed, or look at them with anger and wariness, expecting ridicule. As in childhood, when we were scolded for our mistakes.

So let's be aware that other people don't demand that you be perfect. They just want you to be considerate, sensitive, and kind to them. This is all that we stop showing when we think we have made an unforgivable mistake.

Let's stop trying to live up to the superhero images we see on screen all the time. Then we will begin to treat our own mistakes in a completely different way. Then we will finally see that people do not spoil their opinion of us because our hands shook, our face shook, we told a bad joke or did something else that we think is a mistake.

One more thing. It is important to realize that mistakes indicate that we are developing, becoming better. If Thomas Edison had been afraid to make mistakes, he would not have invented the light bulb. He made more than 2000 erroneous experiments, but each of these experiments brought him closer to the correct experiment, as a result of which he created a working light bulb.

If Wladimir Klitschko or Fedor Emelianenko were afraid of mistakes, they would never have become world famous athletes and champions.

But what helped Edison not be afraid of mistakes and eventually create a light bulb? What helped Klitschko and Emelianenko to realize themselves? Having a motivating goal. Do you have it?

Portal for the student. Self-training