I am very uncomfortable with other people's touch. Unfortunately, I don't remember when it started. Now I am 20 years old. It is very inconvenient to travel in public transport. Haircut turns into torture (my mother always cuts me). I absolutely do not accept my mother. Accidental touch can cause a tantrum. The same with my grandmother and a little easier with my father. At the same time, relations are quite good, in childhood there were no events that could lead to this hostility.
For a long time I could not stand the touch of my best friend, but then it went away on its own.
After school I went to music. In an educational institution, I had to endure the inevitable touches of teachers on my hands. The curriculum included choreography that terrified me, where I had to dance in tandem with all my classmates ... As a result, I learned to endure and drown out this rejection of touch a little.
I don’t feel any particular inconveniences and experiences - I’m used to it. But this problem turns into a more significant one - I have a lack, a thirst for touch. Fortunately, I have several people who can help me with this. Thus, all people for me are divided into two groups: those that I do not accept, and those on which I just have an addiction. I need their touch in immeasurable quantities. Contact can be very long, but all pleasure ends with the cessation of touch. You have to console yourself with the fact that it was. Now I have access to only one of my friends, on whom I have such an addiction. This situation does not seem to bother her, but I need a lot ... I myself do not know how much. Can constant touching bother her? I'm afraid to scare a person with my tactile hunger ... This is what worries me the most.
Please, tell me, how can I overcome this hostility and lose addiction? Is it worth trying to satisfy the addiction?
Many thanks in advance for your reply!

Psychologists Answers

Hello Margarita.

The fact is that our sense of ourselves as individuals is formed in the early stages of development and begins precisely with the body. The body retains invisible traces of our past. Often, those who are afraid of other people's touches had difficult tactile relationships with their parents, especially with their mother, in childhood. This connection is best revealed by psychoanalysis: in the process of work, it often turns out that the mother squeezed the child too obsessively or, on the contrary, rarely hugged, caressed him. This process is unconscious, but very eloquent. you understand yourself very well, your feelings, ask for help, they will definitely help you.

Matashkova Oksana Valerievna, psychologist of Almaty

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margarita,

the fact of touch is very heavily loaded with psychological meaning: the world is divided into two categories of people - on whom you depend and whom you do not accept. and you would like that in reality you have an "immeasurable amount" of the necessary touches and there are no those that are unpleasant for you. desire is in conflict with the reality that exists ..

how to deal with it?

In order for you to feel different, you need to understand what this desire means to you and what it is connected to in your story. To do this, it is desirable to undergo a course of psychotherapy.

Sincerely, Galushkina Marina Kubaevna, psychotherapist. St. Petersburg

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“Why does hostility arise when intimate places are touched, although touching all other areas of the skin is pleasant?”

Marina Voronova, psychologist, answers:

Hello Olga!

The problem you are writing about is only at first glance insignificant and imperceptible. But it prevents you from living a full life, prevents you from receiving the full range of sensations and pleasures that spouses can give each other in an intimate life.

The unpleasant sensations that arise when touching intimate places are most often associated with anchors - negative impressions and associations that have developed in childhood. Let's analyze this problem using the system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan.

Reaction to touch

The intimate area is perceived by many as something dirty, shameful, touching the genitals is indecent, shameful and disgusting. This is instilled in children who, in childhood, knowing themselves, begin. Parents and kindergarten teachers, who see that the child touches his genitals, begin to scold him, say hurtful words, sometimes even beat his hands, punish him. That is, they inspire in every possible way that this cannot be done, this is bad!

A lot of people talk about these memories with a shudder, the boys are promised to "cut off so as not to interfere", the girls "sewn up so that their hands do not go there." This leaves a powerful negative imprint on the child's psyche.

Since such situations most often occur deep in childhood, a person ceases to remember what exactly happened, but very clearly and for a long time remembers a negative attitude towards these places. Therefore, touches become unpleasant (after all, it is “dirty and shameful”).

Heard

What else can cause such an attitude to intimate places? A swear word heard in childhood can also become a painful anchor. If a child, having heard a swear word somewhere on the street, asks his parents for its meaning and receives an angry negative reaction, then he remembers: “everything connected with these places is bad, dirty, shameful.”

Especially dangerous is the mat uttered by the parents, when the father in front of his daughter speaks in a bad sense about intimate places (all swear words about intimate things), devalues ​​the relationship between a man and a woman.

Seen

There is one more thing that can leave an indelible negative mark on the child's psyche. This is the seen sexual intercourse of the parents. When a child sees that parents are having sex, he has the most unpleasant associations. “How can they do this?! It's so awful!" - approximately such thoughts arise in children. This is fixed in the memory and subsequently can manifest itself not only in hostility to touch, anorgasmia and other psychosomatic problems of the intimate sphere may occur.

Sexual function in marriage plays a crucial role, and when even touching intimate places is unpleasant, this greatly complicates the conduct of a full-fledged sexual life between spouses.

What to do in this situation?

Your situation is fixable. To get rid of these anchors and bad associations, it is necessary to become aware of the situation, remember, if possible, under what circumstances and when the anchor was placed. Re-awareness, a look at this situation from the point of view of an adult will allow you to change your attitude, get other associations and impressions.

You can do this at the training on system-vector psychology by Yuri Burlan. Hundreds of women who have completed the training wrote in their results that they no longer experience discomfort from intimacy, some were able to get an orgasm for the first time.

“... The understanding of true love and its meaning was revealed. For the first time in my life, I felt a spiritual unity with a man… My sexuality began to develop in a completely unexpected way. Extraordinary sensations, constant exploration of yourself and your partner. Yes, there is no bottom! Penetrating each other in body and soul is the highest mercy that could only be given to us! The attitude towards sex and one's own body has changed. From this, more attention is paid to realized men, as well as a brighter sexual relationship with a partner ... "

“... I open a whole new world of pleasure and intimate communication, in which two people can be completely naked in front of each other physically and mentally and not be ashamed of themselves, not act out some scenarios, but learn together what will never get bored, what will never there will be no end ... I was able to relax and remove my shackles and locks. I was able to believe and trust. I was able to enjoy. I was able to see how much fun there is! Instead of, as before, constantly thinking about how I look, how good I am in bed and whether my husband will ever leave for another ... "

We have been married for 17 years. During this time, my husband and I had periods of emotional distance and rapprochement. But lately, I've been feeling unacceptable on his part. He is annoyed by my words and actions. He refuses my gifts. And what causes the most suffering is that my touches are unpleasant to him, to the point that he literally jumps up when I try to hug or touch him. He says, "I don't like it." I tried to talk frankly with him, said: “If you don’t love, let’s part.” He does not perceive my words, says: "I do everything for the house." Leaves for the night for work. But the family is not only life. Recently, I even have dreams in which my husband ignores me.

Inga, 36 years old

People react differently to physical contact in different emotional states. Some in moments of spiritual discomfort want to be hugged and pressed to themselves. Others in a state of emotional stress, fatigue or irritability say: "Don't touch me" - literally and figuratively. For example, if there are troubles that a person wants to solve on his own, without injuring loved ones and not devoting them to the essence of what is happening, then he may seek solitude, react negatively to attempts at physical intimacy.

First, it is important to understand whether irritability is personally related to you, or is it his own condition, and you are indirectly participating in it. If this is not related to you, then irritability manifests itself in a wider range of situations - in relation to other people as well. A person becomes more withdrawn, less eager for contacts and entertainment. The fact that such periods have happened before, and then they were replaced by rapprochement, and the fact that the spouse continues to do everything for the house, indicates that this is not directly related to you and your marital relationship. Rather, it is a consequence of his emotional state at the moment. And you need to try not to aggravate the situation by actions that cause additional irritation.

Family is really not only life. But at the moment, it is better to show your love through understanding and sensitivity to the state of your spouse, create an environment conducive to “dispersing the clouds”, help him return to a state of serenity and good mood. And when you feel that your husband’s mood has improved, resume tactile contact - first return to emotionally encouraging and neutral touches during a walk, ask for a hand, kiss at parting and meeting. And in the future, expand the zone of physical contact to hugs and kisses, having a friendly conversation with your husband and explaining that this is very important for you. I wish you family well-being and mutual understanding!

Fear of touch is a very common pathology. According to statistical studies, a huge number of residents of megacities suffer from one form or another of this disorder. Of course, this phobia negatively affects a person's life, significantly worsening its quality, making social and sometimes romantic contacts impossible.

There is nothing strange in the fact that many people are interested in additional information about this pathology. What is the fear of touch called? What are the symptoms to look out for? What is the development of this phobia? Are there effective therapies? Does medical treatment help in this case? Answers to these questions will be useful to many readers.

Fear of touch: a phobia and its features

Hapophobia is a pathological fear of a person in relation to the touch of people. In science, other terms are used to refer to this condition - this is aphephobia, haphophobia, thixophobia.

This disorder is diagnosed in many residents of megacities. As a rule, the disease begins with discomfort during physical contact. And if at first the fear of touching strangers only slightly complicates the patient's life, then as the pathology progresses, the problems become more pronounced. There is immunity and even disgust in contact with relatives, family members, loved ones. Unpleasant sensations turn into an obsessive fear that makes any social interaction impossible.

How to recognize a haptophobe?

In fact, people suffering from such a phobia have a very characteristic behavior. Any physical contact causes emotional discomfort, a feeling of fear and disgust in the patient. This is often reflected in their reactions, for example, a person can step back, pull his hand sharply when shaking hands. The expression also changes.

A haptophobe is a person who prefers solitude. Going to visit or any other place where there is a possibility of physical contact requires a long mental preparation. Such people rarely appear in busy places, as there is always a risk of accidental touching in a crowd. In the absence of therapy, discomfort also appears in contact with loved ones, for example, children, spouse. Naturally, such behavior greatly complicates the social life of a person, often the patient ends up completely alone.

Physical symptoms of a mental disorder

Closure, secrecy, a tendency to loneliness and unwillingness to leave the comfort zone - these are not all signs of pathology. Patients note that the phobia is accompanied by quite tangible physical disorders. Physical contact often causes the following symptoms:

• a feeling of disgust and disgust upon contact;
• severe dizziness, nausea, which often ends in vomiting;
• sharply appearing weakness, tremor of the limbs;
• a sense of the unreality of what is happening, a distortion of perception;
• panic attack, accompanied by difficulty breathing (patients begin to choke).

If a person can still somehow try to hide emotional experiences, then it is almost impossible to cope with the physical manifestations of a phobia.

The role of personality traits in the development of pathology

Of course, the fear of touch can be caused by the peculiarities of personality development. For example, some people value privacy above all else—they hate familiarity, physical contact, and talking to strangers.

It is impossible to write off nationalistic beliefs. For example, a person may be uncomfortable being touched by a member of another nationality or race. Risk factors include increased disgust, pathological pedantry and the desire for cleanliness. Fear of touch often develops in people with asexuality.

All of the above personality traits are not pathologies in themselves, but in some cases they can develop into real phobias, which are already much more difficult to control.

Fear of touch: causes

In fact, the reasons for the development of this phobia can be extremely diverse. Some of the most common risk factors can be identified.

• According to statistics, people with autism spectrum disorders, as well as intellectual disabilities, often respond inappropriately to physical contact.
• A phobia can be associated with disorders of the nervous system (psychasthenia, obsessive-compulsive disorder), various personality disorders (obsessive-compulsive disorders).
• A fear of touch often develops as a result of childhood physical or sexual abuse. There are cases when haptophobia developed in people whose childhood passed under the total control of their parents.
• The nature of the work also matters. For example, medical staff, firefighters and workers of some other processions regularly have to deal with sick, injured people. Often, such contacts cause disgust, and this feeling is then transferred to the touch of loved ones.

What other phobias can be associated with this pathology?

In fact, the fear of touch is often associated with other phobias. For example, sometimes in patients the fear of contact is associated with asexuality. Any touch is perceived by a person as something sexual, and since there is no sexual desire and satisfaction from sexual intercourse, the contact itself causes only disgust.

Hapophobia is often associated with a fear of being in a crowd, sensitivity to noise and other environmental factors. Often there is a pathological fear of catching an infection.

Diagnostic measures

Fear of touch is a pathology that can be diagnosed by an experienced psychotherapist. During the session, the doctor is obliged to collect the most complete history of the patient, to study the characteristics of his behavior, the presence of certain symptoms, to highlight situations that provoke the appearance of physical manifestations of a phobia.

Of course, the process does not end there. Diagnosis flows smoothly into treatment, since for successful therapy it is extremely important to accurately determine the causes of fear, whether it be a psychological trauma that occurred in early childhood or hormonal disruptions.

When is medical treatment needed?

As already mentioned, this phobia can be the result of hormonal disorders in the human body. The fear of touching people is sometimes associated with a decrease in the level of thyroid hormones, a decrease in the amount of synthesized sex hormones. In such cases, hormone replacement therapy is indicated.

In addition, the fear of touch is often associated with neuroses and various forms of psychoasthenia. In such cases, it may be appropriate to take sedative drugs, as well as antipsychotics. If, along with hapophobia, the patient has a tendency to depressive states, then the use of antidepressants will be justified.

Psychotherapy and its features

Drug therapy can only relieve some of the symptoms and prevent the development of possible complications, thereby alleviating the patient's condition. But the fear of touching people is a pathology that develops and progresses over the years. To completely eliminate it, time and constant sessions with a psychologist are needed.

To begin with, specialists, as a rule, draw up a scheme of individual lessons. The main purpose of such sessions is to determine the root cause of the phobia. For example, sometimes a person needs to remember, realize and survive childhood trauma, get rid of guilt and wrong attitudes.

In the future, group lessons will be useful. Working with a group of people helps the patient grow above himself, re-develop the skills of social communication and perception, and adapt to being in society. If this gives positive results, then the doctor decides to conduct a kind of "shock therapy" - the patient must spend some time in a crowd of people, cope with his own sensations from touch and contact.

Fear of other people's touch is a serious problem. Nevertheless, with a properly designed treatment regimen, the constant work of the doctor and the patient, there is a chance to get rid of the phobia or at least make its manifestations more controllable.

Natural selection. Gotta heal!

"I bet he could sell snow to the Eskimos."

"Why do you think so? "

"It's all because of the girl. Wow! My granddaughter, Sarah, is flying a plane!" He looked at the biplane circling over the farm, which seemed to us like a silver midge. He spoke as a cold-blooded person would speak, noticing that flowers suddenly bloomed on a dried birch in the yard and poured ruddy apples appeared.

"From birth, she hates heights. She starts screaming. She is terrified. Sarah would rather put her hand in an aspen than climb a tree. She would not go up to the attic, even if the Great Flood was already splashing in the yard. She works wonders with cars gets along well with animals, but can't stand heights at all.

Causes, symptoms and treatment of haptophobia

Haptophobia is the fear of being touched by people. This pathology is also called aphephobia, haphophobia, haptephobia.

This is a fairly rare and specific phobia, manifested in the form of an obsessive fear of being touched by strangers. Many residents of megacities suffer from haptophobia, they want to minimize physical contact with those people who are unpleasant or unfamiliar to them. Hapophobia most often occurs in people who were not brought up in complete families, or parents from childhood did not instill in them love for others. This phobia is a violation of the mental adaptation of a person, interferes with his social contacts in society.

Haptophobia should be separated from the modesty of a person's character. Fear of other people's touches becomes a big problem for many people, causes a lot of negative emotions, deprives them of the joy of human communication. Hapophobia can be called a disease of big cities, because in the rural outback, shaking hands and kissing are a normal manifestation of the goodwill of people when they meet.

The reasons

There are many reasons for the development of haptophobia, which are divided into "external" and "internal" factors.

External factors include:

• Various disorders of the nervous system: obsessive-compulsive disorder and psychasthenia;
• Sexual and physical abuse in childhood. It can be especially acute in men who in childhood encountered pedophiles or homosexuals;
• Intellectual Development Disorders. Autistic and mentally retarded children do not like to be touched and can react very aggressively to this;
• Work specifics. May occur in some healthcare professionals;
• Personality disorders. Gaphophobia can occur in people with an anancaste or obsessive-compulsive personality disorder;
• The period of puberty. Teenagers are afraid that if a girl touches them, then there will be sexual arousal that will be noticeable to everyone.

• Personal characteristics. It can develop in people who do not like someone to invade their personal space. Also, some people do not like to communicate with strangers;
• Increased squeamishness. Over time, it can develop into haptophobia;
• Asexuality. The reason for everything is a disturbed hormonal background;
• Nationalist or racist beliefs. A person is not pleased when people of a different nationality or race touch him;
• Fear of being touched by men.

Symptoms

People with haptophobia may be afraid of being touched not only by strangers, but even by relatives. When touched, patients may shudder, facial expressions change. Surrounding people understand that a person is unpleasant to their touch.

Patients with haptophobia divide the touches of strangers into two types: burning (“like a brand”) and cold (“shivers”).

Some patients, when touched, may experience nausea and trembling in the limbs, a feeling of disgust. Many patients experience an unpleasant sensation at the point of contact with a stranger. If someone with haptophobia took them by the hand, then he tries to wash it with soap under running water or wipe it with a napkin. Hapophobia can manifest itself in a person in a feeling of lack of air - he begins to suffocate, a panic attack may occur.

Very often, the fear of touch can hide other types of phobias: fear of infection (the other person may be perceived as a breeding ground for pathogens or viruses) or before the manifestation of sexual aggression. In the modern world, the term "comfort zone" has appeared.

How to recognize a haptophobe?

Some people set certain boundaries, keep strangers at a certain distance from themselves. Each person tries to protect himself from communication with unpleasant or strangers. Touching another person is regarded as "border trespassing". For some people, the fear of touch manifests itself in the form of a negative attitude towards water or wind, that is, fear of external aggression is manifested.

Sometimes the fear of other people's touch interferes with a person's personal life, disrupts sexual contact with a sexual partner. Some patients with haptophobia have an aggressive response to the touch of another person. The patient may suddenly push or hit a person, sharply pull his hand back. At the moment of aggressive behavior, the patient does not remember anything, his actions are not conscious.

People with a fear of touch wear closed clothing: shirts and sweaters with long sleeves, trousers or jeans. They do not like to ride in public transport, they are in queues, the slightest touch of strangers causes a sea of ​​negative emotions in patients. Patients with haptophobia always mentally prepare in advance for a meeting of friends who will hug them, and try to hide the external manifestations of unpleasant sensations.

Violation of social interaction

Hapophobia can occur in medical professionals and police officers. Some people at work very often have to deal with alcoholics, drug addicts and homeless people who lead an asocial lifestyle and do not follow the basic rules of personal hygiene. In the future, the fear of touching people extends to family members and close friends.

Very often, people around perceive this phobia as ordinary disgust, resentment and misunderstanding arise, they react negatively to fear, do not help overcome it with their support.

Symptoms of haptophobia can be one of the signs of a person's asexuality. Some patients have low levels of thyroid hormones, estrogen (in women) or testosterone (in men), they are absolutely not interested in the opposite sex, they have no sexual desire, and any touch of strangers leads to emotional irritation and disgust .

People who have experienced physical or sexual abuse (or attempted rape) as children have a very strong fear of being touched by people. Any tactile contacts are regarded by them as manifestations of physical or sexual aggression. They remember what happened for the rest of their lives and are afraid that it might happen again. Sometimes the best "shield" they consider unsociable.

Diagnostics

Hapophobia is revealed during a conversation between a doctor and a patient. Very often a person himself cannot understand why he does not like the touch of strangers. The psychotherapist should help the patient understand the causes of his phobia. It is necessary to conduct a differential diagnosis of haptophobia and other human fears. The patient should tell the doctor about the traumatic situations of his childhood.

Treatment

Fear of touch in megacities is considered normal, and some people do not even think to seek psychological help from doctors.

If a person is aware of his problem, then he will not be able to cope with this phobia on his own.

The fear of touch is a violation of human social interaction and is very often treated by psychologists in personal growth groups. If haptophobia are manifestations of neurosis or psychasthenia, then the patient must be prescribed medication and psychotherapy.

Many psychologists believe that the fear of touch is treated by being in a crowd for a long time - "like is treated like." Long-term psychotherapy allows you to most deeply and thoroughly work out all the fears of a person. In psychotherapy sessions, you can treat the fear itself (behavioral therapy), or you can explore the source of its appearance and understand what led to it. Haptophobia can be defeated with the mutual "commonwealth" of the psychotherapist, the patient and his close people.

Fear of other people's touch

What is hapophobia

Phobias are very different, among the most “condemned” and “incomprehensible” haptophobia stands out - the fear of touch. Also, fear is often called aphephobia, haphophobia, haptephobia. This is a rather rare and specific phobia, which manifests itself as an obsessive fear of touching other people, unwillingness to contact them. Phobia manifests itself in psychasthenia or obsessive-compulsive disorder syndrome.

Hapophobia is an overly exaggerated sense of personal space. Every person has it, and everyone tries to protect it from intrusions of strangers. However, in people whose psyche is disturbed, the boundary between personal and common space is blurred, and the touch of strangers becomes more than unpleasant, then a phobia appears. When a stranger “penetrates” personal territory, the feeling of inconvenience escalates to the limit, the fear of physical contact becomes uncontrollable.

In today's world, intolerance to other people's touch is becoming so common that most people, including patients themselves, do not take it seriously. Although most often fear is only a side effect of a more serious illness, and it is treated after a person manages to cope with his neurosis.

The phobia can extend not only to non-strangers and random strangers, but also to family members and close friends. Often, the fear of touch is mistaken for increased disgust, and as a result, resentment and misunderstanding arise, they react negatively to fear, not helping to overcome it with their support.

Causes of fear

Often, haptophobia originates in childhood, where an extremely unpleasant event could happen to a person, for example, rape, attempts at harassment, encounter with pedophilia, beatings and bites. Parents could scare the child that from strangers on the street you can catch something terrible and die. The chance that a phobia will arise is especially great for boys who have been in an unpleasant situation of a sexual nature. They remember what happened for the rest of their lives and are afraid that it may happen again, so they consider unsociableness to be the best shield. A phobia can originate even from a seemingly insignificant case, but over time, fear progresses in the subconscious.

In other cases, the reluctance to touch strangers can be caused by observing the dirtiest and sloppiest members of society, such as drug addicts, alcoholics, and the homeless, next to whom it is even unpleasant for many to be around. Such haptophobia can be justified if the fear does not become obsessive-catastrophic.

A phobia can also appear for physiological reasons, most often at the hormonal level. Due to the amount of estrogen and testosterone and thyroid disease, a person may experience such a deviation of sexual behavior as asexualism, which is accompanied by poor tolerance to any touch.

It happens that haptophobia is limited only by the fear of being touched by people of the opposite sex, such people even more often withdraw into themselves and avoid any contact. In women, this is due to the fear of sexual violence, which they experience more often than men.

Symptoms and treatment of haptophobia

The symptoms that accompany a phobia are by nature not very diverse. Among them:

• Excessive excitement before going out or to an unfamiliar place;
• Panic when in a crowd;
• Nausea and trembling in the limbs;
• Feeling that the air is running out and the person is suffocating;
• Feeling of unreality of what is happening;
• Feeling of disgust;
• Fear of being soiled and infected with something.

Patients experiencing fear describe the touch of strangers as either burning, like a brand, or vice versa, cold and shivering. A phobia makes people very nervous and afraid of any penetration into their personal space.

To cope with such an enemy as haptophobia is possible only with the help of complex treatment. Neurosis greatly interferes with social and personal life, such a problem cannot be ignored. The phobia should be treated under the supervision of a qualified psychotherapist who will prescribe antidepressants and prescribe the necessary procedures.

The Austrian writer Elias Canetti believes that fear can only be overcome if the method of "knocking out with a wedge" is used. That is, only being in the crowd can save the patient from obsessive fear. This idea is quite justified, but it is often very difficult to step over yourself and face fear face to face.

Haptophobia: overcoming the fear of being touched by strangers

Space is necessary for a person to feel comfortable. Someone enjoys strong friendly hugs and constant tactile contact, other individuals try to maintain a certain distance and are outraged when friends or relatives cross an invisible line. There is also a category of men and women who are diagnosed with a fear of touch. For them, every tactile contact is a terrible test.

Fear of tactile contact: frustration, not whims

Haptophobia (in another way, this phobia is called afenfosmophobia or haphephobia) is not a quirk or character trait, but a mental disorder. People surrounding a person may consider him an arrogant egoist or a clean-cut person who is squeamish to shake hands with a colleague or kiss his beloved aunt on the cheek. Children with this disorder are characterized as modest and shy and are constantly forced to step over fears and disgust in order to liberate and make more sociable. You also need to understand that afenfosmophobia and fear of people are completely different things that have a different nature.

A phobia does not appear in men and women from birth, but is formed under the influence of external or internal factors. Some psychologists argue that the problem occurs in patients with obsessive-compulsive disorder or psychasthenia. Other experts believe that sometimes a serious emotional shock in the distant past is enough for the situation and unpleasant impressions from it to be deposited in the subconscious, and over time transform into a fear of being touched by people around.

Hapophobia in an adult can appear unexpectedly. One day, the realization comes that it is unpleasant for him to touch the palm of his soulmate, and the hugs of a loving mother or brother annoy or cause discomfort. Thoughts constantly visit that a person touched the railing on the bus with those same hands, stroked the dog, or forgot to wash them after the toilet. The reason for this condition may be watching a movie with shocking footage or the consequences of work, an unpleasant incident in real life.

Typical symptoms of hapophobia

Patients with fear of touch try to avoid public places where strangers can inadvertently touch them. They calm down and tune in for a long time before leaving the house, put on shirts or sweaters with long sleeves, sometimes even in summer, in order to cover their body from others as much as possible.

When a neighbor or a passing passenger touches an ordinary person on a bus, he will not pay attention to such a trifle. A patient with haptophobia in such a situation will experience a storm of emotions:

• the pulse quickens, symptoms such as nausea and trembling in the limbs appear;
• lack of oxygen provokes shortness of breath and a panic attack;
• the touch itself either burns or seems cold, like a piece of ice, from which the skin becomes covered with pimples;
• a person wants to immediately wash the “defiled” area or wipe it with a damp cloth.

In some men and women, the phobia is not so pronounced, so they are able to endure the kisses of their grandmother or the hugs of friends, force themselves to make love to their husband or wife, but such contacts do not bring them pleasure. A few seconds of tenderness and they try to move away, move to another room, or find more important things to do. Haptophobes are often unable or unwilling to hide their emotions from others: disgust, irritation or fear. Some defiantly take out tissues or go to the bathroom to show that you can’t forcibly climb into their comfort zone.

Fear of touch: internal causes

If a sexually active woman or man suddenly ceased to be interested in the opposite sex, he had problems with weight or health, a phobia appeared, then it is recommended to check the hormonal background. Low testosterone or estrogen leads to a decrease in libido, so the desire to make love and just touch someone disappears.

The phobia also haunts male adolescents. Young men avoid contact with the opposite sex, fearing the manifestation of an erection at an inconvenient moment and the condemnation of others who witnessed the excitement.

Afenfosmophobia can be a consequence of rape, when strangers and overly intrusive acquaintances are associated with danger. Patients who were forced to have sex as children prefer to be alone and have a hard time getting close to people. Women are frightened by the attempts of strange men to take their hand or touch another part of the body. Girls in such situations either run away or rebuff the enemy. In some cases, everything ends only with indignation, although a stranger can get in the face or in the nose. Patients during a panic do not control their own actions.

Boys who are victims of grown men have a hard time socializing. They do not start either friendly or romantic relationships, fearing a repetition of the situation.

Some patients are uncomfortable with the touch of certain categories of people: with dark skin, overweight, physical features. The disorder is due to racist beliefs or hostility towards disabled or overweight people. Perhaps the patient on a subconscious level is afraid of getting injured or getting fat.

Hapophobia: external factors

Medical and social workers, who are forced to touch and talk to the unkempt homeless and drug addicts on a daily basis, are gradually becoming wary of dirt and disease. They are haunted by the obsession that from strangers you can pick up a virus or bacteria. Gradually, a mild form of disgust aggravates and turns into a fear of any touch.

Phobia - can be one of the symptoms of autism or mental retardation. People with this diagnosis are more focused on their inner world, and attempts by others to invade their comfort zone are perceived aggressively.

Fear of touch is diagnosed in patients with nervous disorders: psychasthenia or obsessive-compulsive disorders. Patients avoid contact with strangers or even relatives if they do not want to pick up the bacteria. Such individuals carefully monitor cleanliness and their hygiene, always carry wet wipes or antiseptics with them, and react sharply to any stains or dirt.

Some people are irritated by the smell of the interlocutor, which repels and causes negative emotions. Perhaps the fragrance is associated with unpleasant memories from the past, or simply does not like it. In such situations, it is enough to stop communicating and not force yourself to be polite and nice.

Fear of touch: treatment

Some patients are satisfied with their phobia and the possibility of isolation from the outside world. They find work that does not require contact with people, they do not seek to start relationships. If the problem causes discomfort, you should contact a psychotherapist.

The specialist in the treatment process must determine what caused the development of the problem. For some people, the phobia disappears after getting rid of unpleasant memories and fear. Others are helped by antidepressants, and in cases with mental disorders, qualified treatment with special drugs will be needed.

To get used to touching and hugging, some patients are advised to dance in pairs or yoga classes. Useful group therapy under the supervision of a doctor or a shock method, when a person is invited to visit daily public places in which there are many people, or ride buses at rush hour. The latter option is only suitable for individuals who are able to control panic attacks, otherwise the experiment may end badly.

A phobia can be diagnosed and treated, but it is better to get rid of fear in a psychotherapist's office, rather than trying to overcome your disorder on your own. It is enough to admit that there is a problem, and the doctor will tell you how to fix the situation.

Touch aversion

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Editor-in-chief of the Domashniy Ochag magazine

The events of recent months that shook the country have made adjustments to our worldview. It turned out that the world is so fragile that one wrong word or deed is enough, as it crumbles into small fragments, injuring hearts and souls in the literal sense. Everyone is fighting for the truth. The only contradiction that divides people into hostile camps is that everyone has this truth of their own: someone follows an order, and someone acts according to the dictates of the heart. We so want to have as many unifying goals as possible, moments of joy and reasons to be proud of loved ones, friends, neighbors, colleagues, and compatriots we do not know. What are women talking about today - mothers, wives, sisters and daughters? They pray to God that this world be safe and sound! So that children, husbands and brothers do not stand on opposite sides of the barricade, but please with success at work and in school. And they joked, pampered, loved. Peace to you and your families! Remember, Ukraine is a single country!

Dislike for touch

The problem is that I can't stand it when someone touches me. If someone touches me, then the mood is spoiled for the whole day. Neither mother, nor brother, nor beautiful girls, any touch gives me terrible discomfort. This has nothing to do with hygiene, I can pick up and eat a pie from the floor, take other people's socks and throw them in the wash. I don't like animals, but I pet without any consequences.

Because of this, you have to come up with a lot of ornate tricks to avoid tactile contacts. For example, in order to avoid handshakes at interviews, I bandaged my hand with a bandage, and in order not to go to the hairdresser, I bought myself a typewriter and cut it myself. I came up with a lot of such tricks over the years, which allowed me to exist quite comfortably, some even quite useful despite the disorder. But time goes by, I began to think about the family, but with my problem, the goal seems unattainable.

I tried to describe everything in sufficient detail. I will answer any questions. Need help or at least advice.

I can't stand other people's touch

They shy away from shaking hands and can't stand being touched on the shoulder. Others feel natural to hug when they meet, but these people flinch at any touch. Where does this rejection of physical contact come from?

Marina is 29 years old, has many friends, goes on dates, loves to dance… She comes across as a person who gets along with herself. Except for one thing: Marina cannot stand friendly hugs, other people's hands on her shoulder. “I just cringe, and sometimes I even start to choke when someone unexpectedly touches me. It's worse than being naked in public." Why is she so annoyed by ordinary gestures that another person would not pay attention to?

invisible traces

“The body retains invisible traces of our past,” explains psychotherapist Margarita Zhamkochyan. - Often, those who are afraid of other people's touches had difficult tactile relationships with their parents in childhood, especially with their mother. This connection is best revealed by psychoanalysis: in the process of work, it often turns out that the mother squeezed the child too obsessively or, on the contrary, rarely hugged him.

If you carefully observe yourself, it may turn out that intolerance to touch is not of a general nature, but is directed at very specific people - and often at the one who most attracts and causes the desire for intimacy. Perhaps there is a negative belief behind this: sex is always dirty and dangerous. It is also learned from parents and turns any touch into an indecent hint, almost an attempt, which must be resisted.

“In each case, there is a reason for not accepting physical contact, but it always speaks of a person’s desire to forget about the painful sensations experienced,” the psychotherapist continues.

The past is locked

"Hands remember!" - we say when we remember some forgotten skill. We intuitively know that the body retains a memory of many of our past experiences. And we can describe our life in bodily images: “I was then very thin and weak”, “This scar is from those times when I fought all the time - then I could beat anyone”, “Grandma said that I have father’s hands” .

“Defending ourselves from other people's touches, our body seems to be hiding - from others and from ourselves - something unpleasant from the past,” Margarita Zhamkochyan explains. “Sometimes a person may even experience imaginary skin diseases or other psychosomatic manifestations, as long as they don’t touch him, literally and figuratively.”

Border control

Of the five senses, only touch is reciprocal: not only do we touch the other, but he also touches us. “If in a conversation someone starts touching me too often,” says 33-year-old Ksenia, “it immediately seems to me that he allows himself too much, almost manages me like property. It's annoying."

Many find it difficult to draw boundaries between themselves and others: they either survive the invasion or attack themselves. Such people do not feel protected - neither physically nor psychologically - and instead of contacting the outside world, they defend themselves from it.

A person has the main protection inside: this is the feeling of his "I", himself as a whole person

“It is the animals that need external protective equipment to survive: shell, needles, claws…,” says Margarita Zhamkochyan. - And a person has the main protection inside: this is the feeling of his "I", himself as an integral person who has the right to live among other people. And this protection makes us invulnerable to any intrusions, and therefore relieves us of painful experiences and the need to defend ourselves.

“As a child, I hated being patted on the cheek, pressed to myself. I "saved" from adults - I dodged their hands, - recalls Svetlana, 28 years old. - I started to really suffer from physical contact at the age of 16. I blushed a lot when they only approached me - no matter if it was a stranger or a friend. I developed eczema... Working with a psychoanalyst, I realized that the problem was in my confrontation with my mother: she wanted to completely own me, and I resisted it. To the extent that she turned her skin into a shell so that I would not be touched. Luckily, I've got over it now."

Does he (she) avoid your kisses, dodging so as not to feel your hand on his shoulder? Do not get angry: in most cases, it is not you who are rejected, but the meaning that a person puts into your movements. Give in the initiative: for example, when meeting, do not try to hug, but say: “It's good that we met! Will you kiss me?" So you give the person the opportunity to resolve this issue himself and save him from the feeling of intrusion into personal space.

Suggest a different greeting ritual, with or without touch, as long as it is pleasant for both.

What to do?

1. Explore the causes

Remember what kind of touch you feel most uncomfortable with and ask someone you trust to gently touch you that way. Listen to the feelings and associations that arise and mentally move back to the past. At some point, a forgotten memory will come - at first glance, not related to touch, but capable of suggesting how unpleasant experiences began.

2. Analyze the situation

What exactly is unpleasant for you in this touch? In what other situation or with another person was the same touch more acceptable to you? Such reflections will reduce anxiety.

3. Touch yourself

Learn to feel the pleasure of your own touch. Every evening, lubricate with cream and massage your hands, feet, use body milk. It will take the stress out of the day and also give you a pleasant and safe touch experience.

4. Strengthen your inner defenses

Feel where exactly in the body you feel your “I”. Put your hand on this place. Describe the image that has arisen: is there light, space, form. What does it look like? Maybe this is a fire or a source ... This will be your individual image of "I". If you do this exercise for 30-60 seconds once a week, you will notice how the image will gradually change and take a different place. This feeling of your “I”, that inner protection, will itself turn on at the right moments and support you.

About the expert

Margarita Zhamkochyan - psychotherapist, social psychologist, director of the psychological center of the Victoria Charitable Foundation.

How do we feel about (stranger's) touch?

Touch is a source of constant awkwardness for many of us. One movement of the hand can bring us closer, or it can destroy the hope of rapprochement.

Few of us in our youth listen to the advice of adults. We often understand the value and significance of their words only with age.

Irritation from touch

Asks: Catherine: 04:50)

Hello. I am 29 years old. Difficult relationship with her husband, son 3 years. Since childhood, I do not like being touched, but I very rarely show it. I can pretty easily ride crowded buses, but I can’t stand any manifestations. how to say something. sympathy or something. I don’t kiss anyone, I don’t hug anyone (if I haven’t seen each other for a very long time, then hugs last no more than 5 seconds). Mom says that I’ve been like this since childhood, I even always went to bed myself, (I have good relations with my parents), I never went to hug or bask, I always considered it superfluous. And over time, it grew into I don't know what to call it, please tell me? If they stroke my head, hair, put a hand on my shoulder, try to just hug me, I start to get annoyed, my mood deteriorates, I can yell, hysteria can start, sometimes even sick. The only person to whom there is no such reaction is my son.

Catherine! What does this impersonal phrase mean: "If they stroke my head, hair, put a hand on my shoulder, they just try to hug me."?

Who is this "someone" that makes you sick? You need to deal with your relationship with relatives, with your parents. After all, it is one thing when a child does not go to bask, and quite another when an adult is sick of the touch of others. Many psychologists have an incorrect manner, without understanding the situation, to look for everything in childhood. Clients do not avoid this either. I suspect that if no caresses were allowed at all, then you would not have a husband or a child in principle. So once, quite recently, and not in childhood, everything was fine with you?

Address to the psychologist internally. I would recommend finding a specialist in classical hypnosis. In the end, if your problem is really "from childhood", then using age regression is the easiest way to solve your problem. Perhaps your problem comes from a past life.

It seems that the current state began to give you anxiety in relationships with loved ones in the first place, if I understood you correctly.

I sympathize that since childhood you have not liked being touched, you rarely show it, and now you are no longer able to restrain yourself. Tension comes out in the most natural way - in the form of irritation.

Usually, to the touch of strangers or unpleasant people, many have a reaction of war, as to a violation of their borders. I wonder how this relates to relationships in your family. I'm glad for your son that everything is going well in your relationship with him.

From your letter, Ekaterina, it is not very clear, unfortunately, what you want from psychologists. Direct question, which is indicated: tell me how to name the state. I call it disgust.

Next is the strategy of action of your choice: to know about your disgust and recognize it as an indisputable fact; know, reconcile and endure further; know and try to overcome; find and eliminate the cause; completely change the reaction to touch in the present.

This is up to you depending on what you want. The psychologist usually responds to your need and helps you meet it.

Sincerely, Larisa

Hello Ekaterina! Pleases in your situation that it is not reflected in the son in any way. Perhaps you are not mistaken about the fact that the roots come from childhood, but I do not exclude that other reasons should be looked for. You need a face-to-face consultation, during which I will find the origins of the problem and ways for you and your loved ones to find peace of mind.

Sincerely, Inna.

Dzhumanova Zhanat Salmenovna

Given your intolerance to emotional manifestations from people around you and tactile touches, as well as restraint in feelings, I can assume that your aspirations are aimed at maintaining independence and self-satisfaction. Therefore, you try to distance yourself from other people, do not allow them to approach you. It is also possible that the "difficulties" that have arisen in relations with your husband are due to your tension in front of duties, dependence and limitations of your personality, therefore detachment, distance, restraint may appear in your behavior. In some cases, it can be difficult to eliminate "gaps" in relationships on your own, it is more effective to do this accompanied by a psychologist.

Julia is 25 years old, she has many friends, she goes on dates, she loves to dance. She gives the impression of a person who gets along with herself. Except for one thing: Yulia cannot stand friendly hugs, other people's hands on her shoulder. “I can’t stand other people’s touches. I just cringe, and sometimes I even start to choke when someone unexpectedly touches me - it's worse than being naked in public, ”she writes. Why is she so annoyed by ordinary gestures that another person would not pay attention to?

The body retains invisible traces of our past. Often, those who are afraid of other people's touches had difficult tactile relationships with their parents, especially with their mother, in childhood. This connection is best revealed by psychoanalysis: in the process of work, it often turns out that the mother squeezed the child too obsessively or, on the contrary, rarely hugged, caressed him.

If you carefully observe yourself, it may turn out that intolerance to touch is not of a general nature, but is directed at very specific people. And often on the one who most attracts and causes a desire for intimacy. Perhaps there is a negative belief behind this: sex is always dirty and dangerous. It is also learned from parents and turns any touch into an indecent hint, almost an attempt, which must be resisted. In each case, there is a reason for not accepting physical contact, but it always speaks of a person’s desire to forget about the painful sensations experienced.

"Hands remember!" - we say when we remember some forgotten skill. We intuitively know that the body retains a memory of many of our past experiences. And we can describe our life in bodily images: “I was then very thin and weak”, “This scar is from those times when I fought all the time - then I could beat anyone”, “Grandma said that I have father’s hands” . Protecting ourselves from other people's touches, our body seems to be hiding - from others and from ourselves - something unpleasant from the past. Sometimes a person may even experience imaginary skin diseases or some other psychosomatic manifestations, as long as they do not touch him - literally and figuratively.

Of our five senses, only touch is mutual: not only do we touch the other, but he also touches us. “If in a conversation someone starts touching me too often,” says 43-year-old Tatyana, “it immediately seems to me that he allows himself too much, almost manages me like property. It's annoying. I can't stand being touched." Many find it difficult to draw boundaries between themselves and others: they either survive the invasion or attack themselves. Such people do not feel protected either physically or psychologically. And instead of contacting the outside world, they defend themselves from it. These animals need external protective equipment to survive: shell, needles, claws. And a person has the main protection inside: this is the feeling of his “I”, himself as a whole person who has meaning and the right to live among other people. And this protection makes us invulnerable to any intrusions, and therefore relieves us of painful experiences and the need to defend ourselves.

What if I can't stand other people's touch

1. Explore the causes. Think about what kind of touch you feel most uncomfortable with and ask someone you trust to gently touch you in that way. Listen to the feelings and associations that arise in you and mentally move back into the past. At some point, a forgotten memory will come - at first glance, not related to touch, but capable of suggesting how unpleasant experiences began.

2. Analyze the situation. What exactly is unpleasant for you in this touch? In what other situation or with another person was the same touch more acceptable to you. Such thoughts will alleviate anxiety.

3. Touch yourself. Learn to feel the pleasure of your own touch. Every evening, lubricate with cream and massage your hands, feet, use gentle body milk. It will take the stress out of the day and also give you a pleasant and safe touch experience.

4. Strengthen your inner defenses. Feel where exactly in the body you feel your "I". Put your hand on this place. Describe the image that has arisen: is there light, space, form. What does it look like? Maybe it's a fire or a spring. This will be your individual image of "I". If you do this exercise every second once a week, you will notice how the image will gradually change and take a different place. This feeling of your “I”, that inner protection, will itself turn on at the right moments and support you.

“I can’t stand other people’s touches. As a child, I hated being patted on the cheek, pressed to myself. I "fled" from adults, dodging their hands. I started to really suffer from physical contact at the age of 16. I blushed a lot when I was just approached - no matter if it was a stranger or a friend. I got eczema. Working with a psychoanalyst, I realized that the problem was in my confrontation with my mother: she wanted to completely own me, and I resisted this. To the extent that she turned her skin into a shell so that I would not be touched. Luckily, I've dealt with it now. Anastasia Patapchikova.

Hapophobia - fear of being touched

Sometimes we do not even suspect that things familiar to most people cause panic horror in many. One of the most incomprehensible phobias for others is the fear of touch, or as it is also called hapophobia. The essence of haptophobia lies in the unwillingness to contact strangers, which manifests itself in the fear of other people's touches.

Hapophobia or aphephobia is manifested by an increased sense of the boundaries of personal space. Each person has his own standards for delimiting the framework between personal and public space, but for haptophobes these boundaries are too blurred. Living in a metropolis, it is impossible to completely protect yourself from contact with strangers: traveling by public transport, visiting museums, theaters, shops is impossible to imagine without close contact with other members of society.

At the moment when a stranger “penetrates” personal territory, people suffering from aphephobia experience uncontrollable feelings of fear and disgust. Many people confuse a phobia with ordinary disgust, and this is not entirely true. Sometimes only a specialist can help get rid of the fear of touch. If you do not seek medical help in a timely manner, a person closes in on himself and can no longer get out of this state on his own.

The reasons

Experts say that the fear of touch can arise under the influence of internal or external factors.

Internal factors include:

• Character features. Many people, due to their personal characteristics, do not like it when strangers invade their inner world.
• The cause of haptophobia can be increased disgust.
• racist beliefs. Some people are afraid when people of other nationalities touch them.
• Women often cause fear of touching males.

The external factors for the appearance of fear of the touch of strangers include:

• Chronic diseases of the central nervous system. People suffering from psychoses and neuroses do not tolerate interference in their personal space.
• Physical or sexual abuse experienced during childhood or adolescence. According to statistics, boys who have been abused by pedophiles are more difficult to endure psychological trauma, and in adulthood they experience aphephobia.
• Mentally retarded people do not like being touched by strangers and begin to react aggressively to this.
• People with anancaste disorder often develop haptophobia.
• Hapophobia can occur in young people during puberty. The guy is afraid that if a girl touches him, his sexual arousal will become noticeable to others.

The specifics of the work also leaves an imprint on the relationship of the individual in society. For example, dermatologists, who daily encounter various skin diseases due to the nature of their work, cannot tolerate the touch of strangers on their skin.

Symptoms

The life of a big city is unimaginable without traveling by public transport. If an ordinary person does not pay attention to the accidental touch of a neighboring passenger, then the haptophobe will survive a storm of emotions in a few seconds:

• Haptofoba shivering, the pulse quickens, nausea may appear.
• The patient begins to breathe intermittently, there is a lack of oxygen. The resulting dizziness can cause fainting.
• The place touched by a stranger, the haptophobe wants to immediately wash or wipe with an alcohol wipe.
• Depending on personal characteristics, someone else's touch can burn or resemble a piece of ice touching bare skin. The body is instantly covered with goosebumps, and squeamish facial expressions make it clear to others how unpleasant it was for a person.

In order not to offend loved ones, haptophobes try not to show how unpleasant the invasion of personal space is to them. They endure kisses and hugs from relatives, while experiencing only negative feelings. Some, on the contrary, defiantly wipe their hands with a napkin after shaking hands, thereby showing how unpleasant they were. As practice shows, the fear of touching people around leaves a serious imprint on the lifestyle of the haptophobe. Problems at work and in personal life make the character of such a person closed, difficult to communicate. Aphephobia can be the result of other phobias: fear of sexual harassment or fear of contracting an infectious disease.

How to get rid of the fear of touch

Recognition of haptophobia as a disease is already the first step towards recovery. If it is impossible to cope with such an ailment on your own, then it's time to seek help from a psychotherapist. The doctor prescribes the treatment of the disease, based on the individual characteristics of the patient. During the conversation, the specialist must determine the main reason that caused the fear of touching. For some, it is enough to get rid of unpleasant memories, and being in a cramped room with a large number of people no longer seems to be a big problem. In cases of serious psychological abnormalities, treatment is carried out with the help of antidepressants and other medications.

In psychology, there are several methods to overcome this or that fear. To get rid of the fear of interference in personal space, doctors prescribe yoga classes or pair dances to their patients. Regular classes, which at the very beginning are a real punishment, eventually begin to bring pleasure. Patients who can control their emotions may be scheduled to travel in public transport during rush hour. Such "shock" treatment sometimes brings the desired result in a short time. But it is worth repeating that such therapy is only suitable for those people who are able to restrain panic and not fall into an uncontrollable state.

Experiencing this or that phobia, you should not withdraw into yourself and put an end to your personal life. Each person is individual, and there is nothing to worry about if the fear of touch goes into the category of a disease. Like any psychological problem, haptophobia can disappear from life forever after regular sessions with a psychotherapist. In everyday life, such a concept as a “comfort zone”, that is, the personal space of an individual, is becoming common. Violation of the boundaries of this space infuriates many people and sometimes it is beyond the power of a person to cope with such a state on their own. A competent specialist will select an individual method for getting rid of a phobia, and following all the doctor's recommendations will help you live a full life.