What questions will you find answered in this article?

• Why listen to the news and read magazines before a meeting
• and not alienate the interlocutor
• Rules for Effective Communication
• How the Spotlight and Active Listening Techniques Can Make a Lasting Impression

To succeed, you need to be able to negotiate with other people, this requires not only to pronounce words smoothly, but also to turn communication into pleasure. I have observed many times how people did not follow the elementary rules in a conversation and because of this they lost valuable contacts (see also How not to alienate the interlocutor). By studying situations, I have formulated rules for effective communication that will help you learn how to make a good impression, and the interlocutors - to feel comfortable in your company.

and not alienate the interlocutor Don't leave home without breaking news. Before the meeting, turn on the radio or TV, look through the newspapers, look on the Internet. News is a good conversation starter. In addition, you will avoid stupid situations when you are asked to comment on recent events, and you do not know what it is about. Prepare answers to the most frequently asked questions in advance. For example, to a question about your studies, you can answer that you are an economist, an engineer, etc. But this is not enough to start a good conversation. It is better to add one or two interesting details, for example: “I am a lawyer. Our firm specializes in labor disputes. I am currently working on a case in which the defendant is an employer who asked candidates too personal questions during a job interview.” Don't give one word answers. It is very difficult to carry on a conversation when the interlocutor answers “yes”, “no” or “I don’t know” to any question. Strive to give detailed answers, then your communication will develop more naturally. Call the interlocutor by name. A proper name is the most pleasant word for every person. Therefore, calling the interlocutor by name, you immediately arouse his sympathy. Communicate with the interlocutor in his language. If you are talking to a person working in a different professional field, try to use terms from his vocabulary, this will facilitate mutual understanding. Search in the answers of the interlocutor keywords . Often people themselves suggest what topics are close to them. For example, you complain about heavy rain, and your counterpart suddenly says that this is important for plants. Probably, this topic is close to him.

: 7 Rules for Effective Communication

Rule 1Think about the topics of the conversation

If you have to meet a person for the first time, find out as much as possible about him (age, financial situation, interests). Use pages on social networks that are very informative. If they are not there, then there will be important links about professional activities. Any information will help to informally start a conversation.

I will give an example from practice. We were preparing a serious meeting between the two leaders. We learned about one of the interlocutors that in his youth he was fond of the sea. We used this in small things: we put the prepared documents in a folder with a marine theme, and placed anchors. Thus, important files did not go unnoticed: a person paid attention to them, just subconsciously reaching for a pleasant thing for himself.

Rule 2. Correctly position yourself relative to the interlocutor

Keep your distance. In our culture, it is not customary to be too close to a partner when talking. Determine a comfortable distance. Research recommends 60 cm (arm's length). In the rules of etiquette, this distance is defined as personal space. If you are too close, the person will feel uncomfortable and, not understanding what is happening, will decide that he does not like you. It is better for a woman and a man to sit away from each other: a small distance can be perceived as flirting.

Position your chair at an angle to the other person's chair. You should not sit directly in front of a person, otherwise subconscious mechanisms that trigger manifestations of aggression may work. Move a few centimeters to the side, and the reasons for unpleasant emotions will disappear. I was approached by a man who was about to have a serious conversation with his boss about being fired. I advised him to change the usual position relative to each other: move the chair to the side so as not to sit opposite the boss, change the position a little. The conversation was peaceful - the dismissal did not take place.

Sit with your back against a wall for confidence. To make your partner feel comfortable, also invite him to sit with his back to the wall. If your plans are to unsettle the interlocutor, try to make him turn his back to the door.

Rule 3Start a conversation with abstract topics


One of my clients found himself in a difficult situation during negotiations in Lithuania: from the first minutes he started talking about business, and the conversation soon ended - the partner refused to communicate. It turned out that in this country it is customary to talk about abstract topics before a business conversation. I often noticed this in Russia too: if one of the interlocutors immediately turns to business issues, his partners tense up, and this inevitably sets them against him.

Discuss neutral topics before getting to the point. For example, if you know that your counterpart has a dog, ask about it; if you know that his child is going to university, ask a neat question about this topic.

Rule 4To make a lasting impression, btalk more about the other person than about yourself


Most people tend to talk mostly about themselves: how well they are doing, about their family. But the secret to successful communication is to talk more about the other person. Show interest – ask open-ended questions that do not require one-word answers, such as “How do you spend most of your free time?” The results will not keep you waiting: people will be more willing to talk about themselves, and you will be considered an interesting and attentive interlocutor.

You can use the "spotlight beam" technique proposed by Leila Launders, an American expert in the field of psychology of communication and communication. When talking to a person, imagine that a large spotlight is shining from above: when you speak, the rays are directed at you. The longer the spotlight shines in the opposite direction from you, the more interesting you will be to the interlocutor. Leila Launders gives this example: “A few years ago, a friend and I went to a party where the “cream of society” gathered. Everyone with whom we spoke turned out to be a bright and extraordinary personality. When we shared our impressions between conversations with other people, I asked my friend: “Diana, with whom of all these people who were present at the evening did you like to communicate the most?” Without hesitation, she replied: “Oh, with Dan Smith, of course!” “Who is he and what does he do?” I asked. “Well, I don’t know for sure…” the friend replied. "Where is he from?" "I don't know," Diana replied. “Well, what are his interests in life?” “You see, we didn’t talk about his hobbies.” "Diana," I asked. “And what were you talking about?” “I think we mostly talked about me” 1 .

1 Leila Launders. How to talk to anyone and about anything. M.: Kind book, 200 2. - Note. editions.

Rule 5Practice active listening skills


In addition to the spotlight technique, use the active listening approach, which is a simple technique that helps the interlocutor reveal more information. It consists in the active expression of one's own experiences. I will list some methods.

Nod in agreement. So you express approval and invite the interlocutor to continue.

Use complementary words: “I understand”, “really”, “very interesting”, “good”, etc. A person needs to be aware that you are not just listening to him, but are on the same wavelength with him.

Ask clarifying questions, such as “What did you do in this situation? How did it all end? In this way, you help your partner open up and encourage them to continue the conversation.

From experience, I can say that if one of the interlocutors is good at active listening skills, then the second one does not even notice how quickly time flies.

• Planning your time: step by step instructions from time management gurus

Rule 6Give compliments

Many people make the same mistakes: they make banal compliments or say them very quickly, as if in between times. This devalues ​​the compliment, and he loses the right energy. Find in the interlocutor a detail that can be noted, and tell him about it. A man really appreciates when he is told that he has a firm handshake. If we are talking about a business partner - a woman, then a high assessment of her business qualities is accepted with much more gratitude than compliments regarding her external merits.

It is important to remember that in compliments, personal topics should be left out of brackets. It is better to evaluate the atmosphere of the office, the design of business cards, note the competence of the partner's employees - everything that you paid attention to. I will give an example from practice. I attended a meeting of two leaders, a man and a woman I knew. They tried to negotiate a joint event. The woman was of a dense physique and on the eve of the meeting she got a manicure, which, in her opinion, emphasized the thickness of her hands very unsuccessfully. The director of the company where we came, on the contrary, noted how beautiful the manicure looked. When the meeting ended, my friend told for a long time how unpleasant it was for her to hear about the color of her nails. She regarded the compliment as low flattery, which finally turned her against this man. The deal fell through.

CEO speaking Konstantin Belov, General Director of PowerGuide, Moscow I will share my rules of effective communication. Listen without interrupting. This is the most complex rule of effective communication and at the same time its most important rule. It will help you make a lasting impression the first time. It would seem that there is nothing easier, but try to remain silent if you are told well-known things for several minutes. You have to make serious efforts to let a person finish calmly. delve into. By listening, I mean not only your silence when someone else is speaking, but also your efforts to understand the meaning of what was said. This behavior means that you recognize the partner as an equal party in the conversation. State your interests directly. During communication, each of the participants pursues their own goals, which they do not want to talk about directly because of their delicacy. Therefore, if you, for example, are negotiating a loan restructuring, inform the partners of your understanding of the fact that one of the parties will definitely try to take advantage of the current situation in their own interests. By immediately clarifying the unannounced agenda, you will save yourself and others from empty chatter. Do not pull with the main. Remember how during meetings everyone is annoyed by speakers who beat around the bush. This behavior is often associated with the fear that the interlocutors will not perceive the main thing if they are not told all the details. This fear is partially justified, but the risk that you simply will not be listened to, as a rule, is higher. Therefore, try to build a conversation according to the principle: first the main thing, then the details. Do not rise at the expense of interlocutors. Self-assertion during negotiations is expected and normal. However, never do this at the expense of the interlocutors. You should not demonstrate to a person that you are better than him, it is more correct to show that you are the same. Avoid comparing knowledge and achievements in areas that are not directly related to the subject of the conversation. For example, if the interlocutor made a mistake in a quote, there is no need to correct him (see also the figure). Rehearse. Speak key lines aloud. It is useful to record them on a dictaphone. After listening to the recording, you will understand what needs to be changed. Having spoken out loud the main theses, you will feel much more confident during the conversation itself.

How to make a lasting impression and get rid of controversy

1. Find two or three helpers. These should be people who know you well, whose judgments you trust. Offer them a ready-made list of negative qualities (sharp, arrogant, stubborn, petty…) and ask them to mark those that they think are inherent in you. Be patient, this can be frustrating.
2. Do not under any circumstances argue with your assistants and do not try to turn their words against them. But you can clarify: "And often I behave ... (sharply, stubbornly, pettily, etc.)?"
3. With your answers in hand, start tracking your relationships with other people over the course of a few weeks. Identify and fix in your behavior the annoying signs that your friends have pointed out.
4. If you learn to notice flaws, you can get rid of them by developing more constructive behaviors (for example, reduce your assertiveness in negotiations if it is perceived by people as harshness, and replace it with active listening).
5. After two or three months, you will find that it has become much easier for you to establish contact with people.

Adapted from Mark Goulston's I Hear Through You


Is it correct to say that first impression of a person the most correct? Or vice versa, is the one who says that the first impression is deceptive right? How to make a good first impression and at the same time form the right impression of a person?

Numerous experiments and studies carried out in the West show that the first impression of a person is the most accurate and correct. Experts say that to determine our attitude towards a stranger, to determine the degree of his attractiveness, we need up to 4 minutes.

It’s hard to argue here, for the most part we all pay attention to the first impression, and it is this that affects our further perception of a person. If you are one hundred percent trusting your instinct, your intuition, then you will not open up to a person who did not like you at first sight. Therefore, if it is important for you to establish the necessary connections, to make acquaintance with a specific person, pay attention to creating a good first impression.

How to make a first impression

To make a good first impression on a particular person, the main thing you need to know is that a person chooses his friends in his own image. That is, whether a person will like you or not depends on the degree of similarity of your characters, interests and outlook on life. Even outward resemblance has an impact on the first impression. Therefore, the moment of adjustment to the interlocutor is important here (you can learn more about what the attachment technique is from the article - “ Ways to manipulate a person»).

Knowing the person in absentia, you can prepare for the meeting. But there are also universal first impression rules, to know and take into account which, in order to present oneself in the best light, is beneficial and useful.

Pay attention to appearance

The appearance and image of a person is what we pay attention to first of all.

An important component of the design of appearance is the style of clothing, which is considered as an image of a person's own "I". Assessing the style of a person’s clothing, and making a first impression about him, we pay attention to such features as:

• The neatness of clothes. A poorly dressed person usually evokes sympathy and a desire to help him, while a slovenly and untidy person - rejection and disgust;
• Appropriate clothing for the situation. It is clear that a tracksuit is not suitable for a business meeting, it looks ridiculous and may cause distrust among others. It is just as ridiculous to go to a club in a three-piece suit, or to a dinner party in ripped jeans.
• Compliance with established stereotypes. If you are a representative of the business world, give preference to a conservative style, but if you are a person of a creative profession, your appearance should speak of independence and individuality.

Assessing the attractiveness of a person, and forming the first impression of him, many pay attention to his face (look, smile, expression). An expressive face that radiates calmness, confidence and goodwill is considered attractive.

Posture plays an important role in the formation of the first impression. Good posture speaks of the confidence and optimism of a person, of his inner strength. Poor posture is a manifestation of low self-esteem, subordination and dependence.

An important factor in the first impression is movement and gestures. What you don't talk about shows up in them. A person feels tense or free by his gait. Gestures, body reaction will give out your temperament and state of mind.

• Open gestures speak of the desire for communication, of psychological openness. They appear in uncrossed and open positions of arms and legs, in a slightly raised head. If the hands are in motion, then these gestures are usually soft, smooth and rounded.
• Closed gestures indicate psychological closeness. They appear in the crossing of arms and legs, in the “lock position”, when the fingers are clenched into a fist. The head is lowered, the look is frowning, the hands can be hidden (under the table, in pockets, behind the back, etc.), all this looks like a defensive position.

Harmony in appearance, as you understand, is a combination of many different factors. Keep this in mind when establishing contacts with people.

In many ways, the voice is a reflection of a person's character. The way we speak affects our image in the eyes of others. We subconsciously, and even consciously, associate the sound of the voice with specific personality traits. Even at moments when we do not see the interlocutor, but only hear him (for example, talking on the phone), we still form some kind of idea about him.

A shrill voice is associated with the hysteria of a person and his imbalance. Fast and confused speech betrays an insecure person. The languor of the voice says that the person is sensual, but cautious. A fool may seem the one whose voice sounds sluggish. A sonorous voice indicates a positive attitude, cheerfulness. And the voice of some people is so beautiful that you don’t even understand what they are saying.

We get a significant part of the first impression from the rhythm of speech and the timbre of the voice. In addition, analyzing the style and content, it is easy to get an idea of ​​the cultural level of a person. You can also tell by the voice person's life experience about the degree of its development.

Learn to present yourself properly.

People rarely use self-promotion and self-promotion in order to express yourself. And it plays the most important role in making a positive first impression. Self-presentation is the ability to focus the attention of people around you on your obvious strengths and divert attention from your shortcomings. But you should not immediately talk about all your merits and virtues, it is better to try to win the favor of your new acquaintance with eloquence, originality of judgments, wit.

Show genuine interest in the other person

Even Dale Carnegie said that the most significant person for any person is himself. So, when you decide to demonstrate your charm, show a sincere interest in the person with whom you communicate. Ask him a couple of minor questions and be prepared to listen to a detailed answer (this will come in handy ability to listen to the interlocutor), do not interrupt. Show your interest in what he has to say. Be kind, but don't be coy!

Don't be intrusive

Do not rush things, for the first meeting it will be enough to have a neutral - restrained conversation. Do not immediately puzzle a person with requests or offer something. If the interlocutor says to you “Goodbye, it was nice to meet you,” do not insist on continuing the conversation.

Don't lie, only tell the truth

If you don't know the answer to a question being asked, be honest about it. Such frankness makes a good first impression and inspires only respect. Do not ascribe to yourself non-existent qualities and virtues, anyway, in the future you will have to admit that at the first meeting you exaggerated a little.

You won't get a second chance to make a first impression. It doesn't matter whether job interview, business meeting or first date, remember that first impression will remain for a long time, and it will take a long time before new information can change it.

P.S. Each of us has experienced wrong first impressions. It happens that at first people appear before us almost in the guise of an angel, but on examination they turn out to be unworthy. And vice versa, a person who did not make a worthy impression on us at the beginning becomes a best friend in the future. No one is immune from a mistake, but in order to avoid it, a person must be given a second chance, no matter what the first impression of him has been.

P.S.S. People who are accustomed to judging a person by specific cases do not pay much attention to the first impression. This must also be taken into account.

If you find an error, please highlight a piece of text and click Ctrl+Enter.

The first impression of a person is made in 7 seconds. Whether it's a party, a date, a job interview or a meeting with business partners, always be fully prepared, because there will be no other chance to make a good first impression.

How to leave a good impression of yourself?

Do you chronically make a bad impression on people or have trouble communicating when you see a person for the first time? It doesn’t matter - in this material we will tell you how to win over any person with whom chance brings you.

Others are shy too

Shyness is the main reason why an acquaintance may not go the way you expected. But it works both ways - you have no idea how many people consider themselves shy. In 1995, 40% of respondents surveyed by extras identified themselves as "shy", by 2007 their number had grown to 58%. Remember that most people feel out of place when they are in a room with strangers.

Down with selfishness

Thinking about the first contact, many ask questions: “How to avoid embarrassing situations? How to turn the situation in your favor? Psychologists advise before the first dialogue with new acquaintances to change this setting to “What can I do for these people?”. Having to think of others first will distract you from your insecurities and defuse the situation.

smile

Peter Mende-Sedlecki, a doctor of social psychology at New York University, has shown that people generally trust “friendly” faces and reject “hostile” ones. At the same time, it takes only 34 milliseconds for a person to read facial expressions from the face of the interlocutor and decide whether he is trustworthy. So smile and make eye contact.

fit the occasion

Each event has its own atmosphere. Before you go somewhere where you will definitely have to communicate with strangers, analyze the nature of the event. This will help you tune in the right way, not to make a mistake with the choice of clothes and topics for conversation.

Prepare a 7-second story about yourself

You don't have to write your biography from toddler age, just tell a couple of things about yourself: “Hi! I'm Christina, sister of your friend Mitya. I came from Moscow to St. Petersburg this weekend, glad to meet you.” The main goal is to help the interlocutor find common ground and start a dialogue (see point 2). “Who do you work for?” – perhaps the most popular question when meeting after the question about the name. Try to interest the interlocutor with your answer and make him delve into the questions.

Instead of “I am a realtor,” say “I help people find peace and a roof over their heads,” instead of “I edit school textbooks,” say “I show the younger generation the vector of development.” Don't be afraid to sound overly pompous, everything can be reduced to a joke after all.

Four magic words

Suppose a conversation about your work took a minute and a half. A start has been made - what to do next? Show interest in the life of the interlocutor: “What about you?”. Find out about his work, hobbies, main activities. Attention is always nice. But you should not pretend to be interested if there is none: you risk being branded a hypocrite in the eyes of another person.

Use "body language"

You can treat the body language theory in different ways, but you should not deny the influence of non-verbal cues on the impression of a person. If the interlocutor “mirrors” your mannerisms and postures, the speed and rhythm of speech, you unconsciously feel acceptance towards him - “Yes, he is his own on the board! We are similar, and he sympathizes with me. At the same time, mirroring should not be obvious - this can cause rejection. Also watch your posture, facial expressions and gestures: the back should be straight, the face should be friendly, the gestures should be relaxed.

Wear what you like

Fact: You feel more confident in comfortable clothes. This doesn't mean you have to show up to a business meeting in stretchy sweatpants and a sweatshirt, but don't wear a tight suit or tight, oversized heels. It is important to find a balance between the dress code established at the event and your comfort.

Compliment with continuation

“Amazing shoes!”, - undoubtedly, your interlocutor will be pleased to hear this. But a much better “investment” for further conversation will be the phrase “Awesome shoes! I have long dreamed of something like this. Where did you get them, if not a secret?

Read as much as possible

As a rule, well-read people are excellent conversationalists. Always stay up to date with the latest major events - from the release of the remake of "Blade Runner" to the armed uprisings in Venezuela.

Don't wait to be interested

This is a common mistake many introverts make: "Wait until someone starts talking to me." Luck smiles at the fact that it takes the first step. Get in touch first. Smile, stand straight and look straight in the eyes - these are three things that inspire confidence.

Talk to outsiders

Do you see a person standing alone at a busy party? Get to know him! Most likely, he cannot overcome shyness and will be very pleased with your attention. “You look like an interesting person,” says such an act.

Give all your attention

When talking with a person, do not be distracted by calls, messages and social networks, do not look behind his back in search of acquaintances with whom you would communicate more willingly. It's just plain ugly.

Don't be afraid of groups

A group of three or more people is more open to new "members" than two tête-à-tête conversations. A large company rarely talks about something personal, but by intervening in a conversation between two people, you can become a “third wheel”.

Be sensitive

If you are chatting with friends and you see someone trying to join him, take a half step back and invite him. Both this person and your friends will appreciate the nobility of this gesture.

End the conversation gracefully

Ending a conversation correctly is no less difficult than starting it. We offer the following scheme:

• Interrupt yourself, not the other person.
• Smile. Let them know that it was a pleasure to meet you and that you are grateful for your time.
• “But, I beg your pardon, I need to…” pick up a friend from work, pick up a child from school, have time to go to the store. The main thing is to make it clear that you are ending the conversation for an important reason, and not because you got bored.

.

We hope that these tips will help you feel more confident at any event and not be afraid to make new acquaintances. Below we will talk about how to behave on a date to impress a girl or guy.

How to make a first impression on a girl or a guy?

If you suddenly read these lines in some cozy cafe and an attractive representative of the opposite sex has come into your field of vision, we offer a few tips that will help you smoothly turn an acquaintance into a first date.

Give me a compliment

But don't overdo it. Think about what good things you can say about him / her so that the words sound sincere. You can compliment clothing or appearance, but it's too predictable. If you have a good sense of humor, don't be afraid to make a joke. Avoid vulgar jokes and hackneyed "tackles" like "I got a call from heaven and they said that their most beautiful angel was missing."

Take care of your appearance

Alas, the phrase about a meeting on clothes is more relevant than ever. Even if you shine with wit, and with your eloquence plug Cicero into the belt, all your efforts will go down the drain if you are conniving with appearance.

Watch your manners

Girls really appreciate respectful signs of attention. In no case do not violate her personal space in the first minutes of meeting, but you can hold the door for her, give her a hand in front of the step or treat her with a drink. Do not allow rude and obscene jokes, foul language. You should not wash the bones of others, even if the woman at the next table is munching very unpleasantly. Be polite to everyone around you.

Feel confident

Even if a fire is raging inside you, stay calm and confident. In no case do not slouch, do not look from under your brows, do not take closed postures (crossed arms) and do not use insincere gestures (hands to the face, a shifty look).

Lead the conversation in the right direction

Do not reveal too personal details too soon. Let your first conversation take place within the framework of things that are relevant, but general. Ask more questions than tell about yourself: what your interlocutor does, where he studied, how he likes to spend time, in a word, try to find common interests. Try to avoid awkward pauses: at this moment, both you and your interlocutor feel out of place, and who wants to continue communication on such terms?

Don't brag

Nobody likes a braggart, especially a woman. It is not necessary from the first minutes of acquaintance to boast of connections, a highly paid position or a luxurious car. By this you declare yourself as a selfish and mercantile person.

a small test to find out what people think of you in the first minute of meeting you. If its results upset you, do not despair - everything is in your hands!
Subscribe to our channel in Yandex.Zen

Instruction

Punctuality is the hallmark of a collected and responsible person. Being late, even for the most legitimate reason, will create a negative impression of you even before you are greeted. This is not good for getting started. Your punctuality will indicate that you know how to value not only your own time, but also the time of your partner.

However, you should not come too early either. If the person waiting for you is not yet ready or is completely absent, you will have to wait in vain for the appointed time. And arriving early is considered very impolite.

Remembering the name from the moment you are introduced to a new acquaintance is a good way to win over a person. During the conversation, try to address him exclusively by his first name. Such an appeal is not only pleasant and polite, but also focuses the interlocutor's attention on you and your statements. If you can't remember the name of a new acquaintance the next time you meet, the person may get the impression that meeting him was not interesting for you.

Use your body, smile. These methods of non-verbal communication form a certain impression about a person in the subconscious: positive - if the interlocutor likes the behavior, negative - if it repels. In no case do not look away, do not shy away from eye contact, try not to get too close to the person, violating his intimate space, do not slap him on the shoulder. It is enough to remember two simple actions that can lead to good, friendly relations - a wide natural smile and a long handshake.

Neat clothes suitable for the circumstances, a neat hairstyle, polished shoes, make-up appropriate for the circumstances, well-groomed nails - all this, combined with the correct tactics of behavior, will make the most favorable impression on the interlocutor.

When interacting with new people, watch your statements and speech in general. Do not swear, speak competently, clearly, so that the interlocutor does not ask you again, putting yourself and you in an awkward position, do not use black humor, do not be intrusive. Be especially restrained and polite in dealing with older people and business partners.

Related videos

Tip 2: How to make a good impression on the employer

Having found a promising vacancy, make every effort to produce a good impression on the employer and get the coveted position. Lacking natural charm and talent as an orator, you can produce a good impression if you are thoroughly prepared for the meeting.

Instruction

To produce good impression on the employer Start preparing for the meeting long before the interview. Search the Internet for information about the head of the company. Pay attention to both his work biography and hobbies. Knowing the characteristics of the personality of a future boss can greatly help you in the interview process.

Having collected all the necessary information, proceed directly to the preparation. Think about what you will wear to the interview. Clothing should not be too frank and bright, but at the same time, “gray mice” are also not held in high esteem now. The best solution for you is a strict but elegant outfit.

In addition to appearance, pay close attention to your speech. This is especially necessary for those who have already been to several interviews, but were not hired. The level of development of a linguistic personality is one of the important indicators when applying for a job. It is difficult for a person in the process of communication to assess the level of his communicative competence. Therefore, record your speech on a voice recorder (it is desirable that it be a dialogue). Listen to the recording and you will be amazed, exclaiming: “Is this really how I talk!”.

Psychology textbooks often describe such an experiment conducted by Charles Darwin's brother, Francis Galton. Every day for a week he went to the mirror and said to himself: "I am a terrible disgusting person who is hated by all England." After seven days, he decided to go outside and discovered a strange thing. At first, people avoided him. Then people began to push him, and then, among other things, he was kicked by a horse. Francis fell. Several people ran up to the horse. No one paid any attention to Galton.

This story proves another simple thing - what we think about ourselves is very quickly read by others. This is the undeniable truth.

In the modern world, self-confidence is needed like air. We communicate a lot with people, we make deals, we have to negotiate in almost every area of ​​our lives. In order to get what we want, we just need to be confident in ourselves.

Of course, no one will argue with the fact that confidence depends on our victories. The more victories we have on different fronts, the more confident we are. In fact, there is only one way to really increase self-esteem - choose important “native” goals for yourself and achieve them. As soon as the brain feels that it is getting what it "orders", your level of self-esteem will immediately jump.

However, there are many verbal and non-verbal tricks to help you appear confident.

Body language in the service of confidence

Confidence starts with body language. How to impress a confident person? Very simple.

First, you need to establish proper eye contact.. We subconsciously distrust people who constantly look away. The body reads this signal as if the person is hiding something. At the same time, constantly looking into the eyes is also not very good, because people under a close look can feel out of place. Optimal eye contact lasts 70% of a conversation with a person.

Second, adopt open and friendly postures.. Don't create barriers between you and the person. And, of course, you should not be constantly distracted by gadgets.

Thirdly, do not fuss. Nowhere in the world, and in Russia in particular, do not like fussy people. Fussy people automatically look insecure. If you feel the beginning of some fussiness inside you before an important meeting, take four deep breaths in one minute.

Well fourth, control your hands. Self-doubt very often give out hands. Excessive gesticulation or/and the desire to constantly fiddle with something in the hands do not inspire confidence in people.

How to appear confident when communicating with people?

Now let's turn to verbal methods.

Become an active listener. Try to really listen to the person and be included in the listening process. The key to the heart of any person is the ability to listen to him. Head nods alone are not enough. Emotional involvement is required.

Use open questions. Open-ended questions are those that require more than a simple yes or no answer. It is better not to ask questions that can be answered in one word. For example: "Did the meeting go well?" Much more conducive to communication is the question: "Tell me how the meeting went."

Remember that you have your rights. For example, you have the right to your own opinion, the right to your own space and time. Without fear and calmly express your position. Remember that you can't please everyone.

Show respect for the interlocutor. If you already promised to talk to a person, then try to make sure that no one distracts you during this conversation. Do not try to "coach" or teach the lives of your interlocutors.

Don't talk about "forbidden" topics. Typically, these topics are religion, sex, and financial issues, which suggest that you are counting money in someone else's pocket. It is best to discuss some current trends, the weather, the latest films you have watched, and other topics that cannot offend anyone.

Techniques for improving self-esteem

It's clear about relationships with people. But there are a few more tricks that will always appreciate yourself:

-Write a press release for yourself that will announce your grandiose achievement. Write when it will happen and how it will be. Always keep this press release in front of your eyes and recharge with positivity and self-confidence.

-Write down five of your successes over the past five years. Recall your most important real achievements. Praise yourself for this and focus on your strengths, not your weaknesses.

-Keep a diary of a self-confident person. Get a notebook to keep track of your progress. Write down how you feel when you are scolded or praised. Write how you feel when you do something. This way you will soon realize what really motivates you.

And, of course, you must always remember that self-confidence needs constant training. It is not enough just to stand in front of a mirror and repeat some affirmation. You need to act, achieve your goals, conquer new heights, and then you will not need to think about how to raise your self-esteem.

Based on Alice Muir's book Self-Confidence. Book for self-improvement"

YOUR BEAUTY BUSINESS WITHOUT INVESTMENTS! ADDITIONAL INCOME! WORK ON THE INTERNET!