Prepared by the Department of Health
Khanty-Mansiysk Autonomous Okrug - Ugra
pursuant to Resolution No. 14 of 28.04. 2012
commissions on juvenile affairs and protection of their rights
under the Government of the Khanty-Mansiysk Autonomous Okrug - Ugra

Self-Esteem Correction Exercises

To correct low and high self-esteem in co-dependent individuals, we have developed special recommendations and exercises, the use of which is possible in the process of individual counseling using the results of psychodiagnostics obtained with the help of MCM I.L. Solomin.

Self-esteem and the level of claims, determining the state of mind of a person and the productivity of his activity, go through a difficult path in their development and are not easily amenable to change. Only some self-criticism allows a person to realize the discrepancy between his claims and real possibilities and correct the level of claims. However, studies have shown that such a correction is easily carried out in the direction of increasing claims and very difficult - in the direction of lowering them. For the necessary correction of self-esteem, it is first of all necessary to change the system of actions, and then on this new basis it becomes possible to change the worldview, generalized and clarified by verbal formulas.

Both too high and too low self-esteem are fraught with mental disorders. Extreme cases are classified as pathological abnormalities - psychosthenia and paranoia. Psychosthenia occurs against a background of extremely low self-esteem and is characterized by chronic lack of will, manifested in lack of initiative, constant indecision, timidity, increased impressionability, suspiciousness. Such people are always afraid of not being on time, being late, avoiding any opportunity to take the initiative, constantly doubting everything (R.M. Granovskaya, 1988, p. 400).

The other extreme leads to such a state of the psyche, when a person constantly feels his imaginary superiority over others, supposedly a special significance of his personality. Small grievances are perceived by him very sharply. Usually such people exaggerate the shortcomings of others, are highly critical, distrustful and suspicious of others. All this often pushes them to quarrels over trifles, they bother everyone with complaints and statements, while revealing irrepressible energy (R.M. Granovskaya, 1988. p. 401).

Low self-esteem is manifested in increased anxiety, constant fear of a negative opinion about oneself, increased vulnerability, which prompts a person to reduce contacts with other people. In this case, the fear of self-disclosure limits the depth and intimacy of communication. Low self-esteem destroys a person's hopes for a good attitude towards him and successes, and he perceives his real successes and a positive assessment of others as temporary and accidental.

1. Try to name five of your strongest and weakest points. Think about how your strengths help you in life, and how your weaknesses get in the way. Learn to build on your strengths and lessen your weaknesses.
2. Try not to remember or delve into your past failures and disappointments. Remember your successes more often, think about how you were able to achieve them.
3. Don't allow yourself to be overwhelmed by feelings of guilt and shame. It won't help you succeed.
4. Look for the reasons for your failures in your insecurities, not in your personality flaws.
5. Never talk bad about yourself, even about yourself. Especially avoid attributing negative traits to yourself, such as stupidity, inability to do anything, bad luck, incorrigibility.
6. If you are being criticized for a job well done, try to use that criticism to your advantage, learn from your mistakes, but don't let other people criticize you as a person.
7. Don't put up with people, circumstances, and activities that make you feel inadequate. If you manage to act as the situation requires, it is better not to do this business and do not communicate with such people.
8. Try to take on only those things that you can handle. Gradually, they can be complicated, but do not take on something that you are not sure about.
9. Remember that criticism is often biased. Stop reacting sharply and painfully to all critical remarks addressed to you, just take into account the opinions of people who criticize you.
10. Don't compare yourself to the "ideal". Ideals are admired, but they should not be turned into a measure of success.
11. Don't be afraid to try something out of fear of failing. Only by acting can you know your real possibilities;
12. Always be yourself. In striving to be like everyone else, you hide your individuality, which deserves the same respect as any other.

Exercises:

1. Make a list of your weaknesses. Write them in a column on the left half of a piece of paper. On the right half, write those positive qualities that can be opposed to your weaknesses, for example: I have a slow reaction, but high performance. Expand and justify counterarguments, find suitable examples for them. Start thinking about yourself in terms of the right column, not the left.
2. Each of us knows how to do something better than others, even things like frying an omelet or hammering nails? And you? What exactly are you good at doing better than others? Make a list of your strengths, the things you do better than others.
3. Imagine the person you admire. It can be either a real person or the hero of a movie or book. Try to find the advantages you have in common with him. And then try to find faults in him that you don't have. Learn to make comparisons in your favor.
4. Learn in response to accusations not to make excuses and not to withdraw into yourself, but to refute them with reason.

Inflated self-esteem is manifested in the fact that a person is guided by his principles, regardless of the opinions of others about them. If self-esteem is not too high, then it can have a positive effect on well-being, as it generates resistance to criticism. In this case, a person knows his own worth, the opinion of others does not have absolute, decisive significance for him. Therefore, criticism does not cause a violent defensive reaction and is perceived more calmly. But if the claims of the individual significantly exceed its capabilities, peace of mind is not possible. With overestimated self-esteem, a person self-confidently takes on work that exceeds his real capabilities, which, if unsuccessful, can lead him to disappointment and the desire to shift responsibility for it to circumstances or other people.

1. Think about how your opinion of yourself corresponds to the opinion of your parents, classmates and friends?
2. Learn to listen to the opinions of other people, their approval or disapproval: after all, others can often evaluate you more accurately than you can do it yourself.
3. Treat critical comments from comrades, parents or teachers as constructive advice and "guidelines for action", and not as "annoying interference" or "misunderstanding of you."
4. Having been refused a request for something or having failed to cope with the work entrusted to you, look for the reasons in yourself, and not in circumstances or other people.
5. Remember that compliments or praise are not always sincere. Try to understand how the praise corresponds to the real work that you managed to do.
6. When comparing yourself to others, try to compare yourself to those who are the most successful in specific activities and in life in general.
7. Before you take on a responsible job, carefully analyze your capabilities and only after that make a conclusion about whether you can handle it.
8. Do not consider your shortcomings a trifle: after all, you do not consider other people's shortcomings a trifle, do you?
9. Try to treat yourself more critically: reasonable self-criticism contributes to self-development and a more complete realization of potential opportunities.
10. Don't let yourself "rest on your laurels". After successfully completing something, think about whether it could have been done better, and if so, what prevented it.
11. Always focus on the evaluation of the results of your actions by other people, and not on your own sense of satisfaction.
12. Respect the feelings and desires of other people, they have exactly the same value as your own.

Exercises:

1. Write down your top 10 strengths. Assess their severity on a five-point scale. Ask your parents, friends or classmates to do the same. Compare your results. Is there a difference in ratings? How do you think why? Try to see the cause of discrepancies in yourself and your behavior, and not in the people around you.
2. Write down 10 of your negative qualities. Do you think they interfere with you? What about the people you interact with? Think about it.
3. Try to name a case that you can do very well. Now try to name three of your friends, classmates who could handle this business better than you.
4. Try to highlight the flaws that prevent your virtues from becoming ideal. For example: I am witty, but sometimes I am tactless; I have a great reaction, but sometimes my actions are ahead of my thoughts.

State institution of the Khanty-Mansiysk Autonomous Okrug - Yugra
"Khanty-Mansiysk Clinical Psychoneurological Dispensary"
METHODOLOGICAL RECOMMENDATIONS FOR CARRYING OUT
PSYCHO-CORRECTIONAL WORK WITH CO-DEPENDENT PERSONALITIES

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Self-esteem is a set of a person's ideas about various properties of his own personality, such as the presence of personal achievements, advantages, disadvantages and their significance, etc. As a rule, these qualities are perceived in relation or comparison with similar qualities of other people. Inflated self-esteem of a person is a mental state characterized by an inadequately positive self-image of a person.

What is self-esteem?

One of the main properties of a personality is the formation of a system of ideas of an individual about himself, which may include an assessment of his own actions, appearance, perception of certain shortcomings and advantages, etc. Such attitudes in their totality perform 3 functions:

• personal development. A particular type of self-esteem encourages an individual to improve certain skills. If certain qualities are perceived as highly developed, no effort is made to develop them. Alternatively, a person considers himself ideal, therefore he completely denies the need for self-improvement;
• protective. An assessment of the relevant personal qualities to a certain extent warns a person against rash acts. For example, if he understands that he will not be able to cope with a certain amount of work, he will not take on such obligations. Also, a set of stable ideas about one's own qualities prevents the deformation of the personality under the influence of the external environment and the behavior of other people;
• regulatory. A person makes a significant part of his decisions depending on his ideas about himself. So, on the basis of a conditional list of the most developed qualities, a future profession is selected.

People with high self-esteem experience difficulties in communication, and the resolution of everyday tasks sometimes takes more strength from them, which ultimately can lead to psycho-emotional exhaustion, neurotic or mental disorder.

Why is high self-esteem dangerous?

A number of studies show that many successful businessmen, politicians, public figures unreasonably positively assess their personal qualities. To a certain extent, the typical model of behavior in such life situations is understandable - while others meticulously examine all aspects of the problem, a person with high self-esteem instantly starts to solve it. However, much more often the overestimation of one's own potential leads to negative consequences:

• for the individual there is only one correct point of view - his own. However, even a highly educated person with excellent business acumen is often mistaken. It is possible to minimize the risk of failure only with a rational study of the issue;
• a person with high self-esteem can take on tasks that he will never be able to solve because he does not have the appropriate qualifications, personal qualities or other resources necessary for this. Repeated disruption of work projects gradually leads to professional degradation and career destruction;
• a person ceases to take into account the importance of other people. He demonstrates disdain for others, insults them in various forms. Such behavior inevitably destroys social bonds and regularly provokes conflicts;
• the individual denies the need for self-improvement (completely or in relation to certain qualities). In the future, this leads to personal and professional degradation;
• any criticism is perceived extremely painfully and provokes reciprocal aggression.

Since most of the acts of communication of a person with high self-esteem are accompanied by acute conflicts, psycho-emotional exhaustion gradually sets in. This can lead to the development of dangerous diseases, mental and neurotic disorders. At the same time, social ties are destroyed (a person loses friends, a partner, cannot start new relationships), the professional qualities of an individual degrade.

A person with high self-esteem is always confident in his actions, which can be a help in professional development. On the other hand, often self-confidence has no real ground, so the individual overestimates his abilities when taking on any business. In any case, the problem of inflated self-esteem lies in severe disappointment and even depressive states that develop when the expected result does not occur.

Manifestations of high self-esteem

Depending on the degree of manifestation and accompanying signs, inflated self-esteem may indicate:

• individual character traits. In this case, inflated self-esteem does not distort the perception of reality in such a way as to entail too destructive consequences;
• narcissistic character accentuation. Inflated self-esteem significantly complicates everyday life;
• narcissistic personality disorder. A person is convinced of his own uniqueness, chosenness, the presence of outstanding achievements and talents. At the same time, he completely denies the existing rules, all his activities are aimed at seeking the admiration of others. Also in psychiatry, narcissistic trauma is distinguished, which occurs as a result of prolonged communication with a person suffering from a narcissistic disorder. It is characterized by the desire to maintain a sense of its own supersignificance, but at the same time the ability to empathize is preserved;
• manic syndrome, bipolar affective disorder. In addition to an overestimated self-esteem, the patient has an acceleration of thinking (up to a jump in ideas), an increase in mood, motor and incentive activity.

For people with high self-esteem, the following behaviors are characteristic:

• haughty, arrogant behavior bordering on aggression;
• relationships with other people are superficial, empathy almost never arises;
• in general, all activities are aimed at maintaining one's own supersignificance - obtaining approval from others;
• the sole purpose of close relationships with other people is self-actualization. This is true even for your own children and partner;
• comparing oneself out loud with other people is not in favor of the latter, emphasizing one's merits against the background of interlocutors;
• self-affirmation at the expense of others;
• painful reaction to criticism - crying, screaming, anger.

There are 2 types of phenomena:

• adequately high self-esteem is more common in adults. As a rule, it is due to real achievements in the professional, social, family field. In this case, it becomes a kind of form of recognition by the individual of his own merits. Since inflated self-esteem distorts the perception of objective reality, in this case, the adjustment of personal attitudes and behavior may be necessary;
• inadequately high self-esteem is observed mainly in children, adolescents and people with a lack of achievements. The source of inflated self-esteem of this type is dissatisfaction with oneself, one's own achievements, the desire to attribute at least some success to oneself. Inflated self-esteem in a child, among other things, is often fueled by parents, grandparents.

Causes of high self-esteem

In the exceptional majority of cases, self-esteem is formed at the stage of primary socialization - in the process of parenting, training in preschool educational institutions, school, as a result of the child's communication with close relatives, peers. The breakdown of fixed attitudes at a more mature age is usually possible only after mental violence and an experienced psycho-traumatic situation or as a result of the development of an illness, mental or neurotic disorder.

There are a number of factors contributing to the formation of inflated self-esteem:

• parental narcissism. In the process of primary socialization, parents do not adequately satisfy the emotional needs of the child, since he himself is only a means of self-actualization of adults (or one of the parents). In the future, overestimated self-esteem becomes a way to compensate for lost positive experiences;
• a person is the first or more often the only child in the family;
• spoiled in childhood, improperly built “child-adult” relationships, when the attention of adults in the family is riveted to the child, his interests are in the first place, and desires are satisfied on demand, regardless of possible obstacles (illness of parents, lack of money);
• external data - often people of both sexes consider themselves better than others because of their own attractive appearance;
• unreasonably positive attitude of teachers and teachers. Quite often, situations arise when teachers single out some of their students because of personal sympathy, the high financial or social position of their parents;
• lack of adequate tests of one's own abilities. So, with personal abilities and good preschool preparation, a child can brilliantly cope with the program of an ordinary school, while studying in a more prestigious educational institution would require additional efforts from him. With a prolonged absence of serious tests, a person may begin to attribute outstanding abilities to himself.

The reasons for overestimated self-esteem in each case can be tried to identify using psychodiagnostic methods. The results of such an examination play a key role in the further correction of attitudes, behavior or treatment of the disorder.

Inflated self-esteem: signs

Inflated self-esteem of a person is often obvious to others, but he himself is rarely perceived as a problem. An individual with such attitudes sees a negative set of circumstances, envy and intrigues of ill-wishers, lack of proper professional qualities among business partners or work colleagues, etc. as the cause of their own failures. A psychologist or psychiatrist can reliably determine the level of self-esteem and, if necessary, prescribe procedures that correct behavior and installation.

To determine self-assessment, the following are carried out:

• study of the lifestyle of the individual. If a mental or neurotic disorder is suspected, information received from the patient's relatives is of great importance;
• research based on self-attitude questionnaires;
• conversation between a specialist and a patient. It is conducted in a free form, but upon its completion, clear answers should be obtained to questions characterizing the attitude of the individual to various aspects of his own Self.

In general, an overestimated level of self-esteem is characterized by:

• unshakable confidence in one's own rightness, even in the presence of evidence to the contrary;
• the desire to impose their opinion on all interlocutors, aggression in case of failure;
• recognizing only oneself as an authority;
• the rejection of any rules other than those that are established by him;
• denial of someone else's authority and power;
• the search for an "external enemy" responsible for the failures. Most often, these are parents, the state (not only native, but also foreign), colleagues;
• the desire to be in leading roles at all costs, often without making any effort;
• "Yakanie" in conversations, attempts to drag the topic to discuss their own problems;
• lack of self-criticism, aggressive perception of criticism from the outside;
• the perception of help as pity and, therefore, the rejection of it;
• painful experience of failures up to depression, fear of mistakes.

How to correct an overestimated level of self-esteem?

A balanced analysis can show that the main culprit of a person's life failures is his overestimated self-esteem. What to do in such a situation, a psychologist or psychotherapist will tell you. It can be quite difficult to cope with an inadequate assessment of yourself and your actions on your own. This requires a lot of self-discipline and self-control, which are often lacking in people with high self-esteem. The best results in the correction of attitudes and behavior are shown by various methods of cognitive psychotherapy, which in this case are aimed at:

• analysis of one's own behavior and actions. The individual must stop looking for someone to blame for failures, learn to consider each individual case and evaluate his own contribution to what happened;
• formation of the ability to listen to the opinions of others, not to oppose in a conversation, to accept other people's judgments;
• calm perception of criticism and development of self-criticism;
• formation of the ability to accept help, for example, from more successful specialists in the profession;
• assessment of their capabilities before starting new projects, making calculations, drawing up step-by-step plans;
• analysis of one’s own behavior in terms of how it affects others, whether it offends loved ones, whether it creates obstacles to friendship and romantic affection;
• the formation of respect for the feelings and desires of others.

In dealing with a narcissist, some experts recommend not being ashamed of frankness: to say that he puts himself above others, to directly ask what his statements are based on. On the other hand, this approach is quite crude, and the non-specialist may provoke a sharp conflict that excludes the possibility of further therapy.

Correction of inflated self-esteem of children has a number of specific features. They mainly concern changes in the behavior of parents and close relatives (grandparents):

• praise should follow any achievement, but not in itself and not for what the child did not put effort into (for example, appearance);
• the interests of the child should not come first, if this does not concern his health, development, nutrition;
• Do not mitigate the consequences of the actions of the child. He must know the objective result of his actions. If a child intentionally broke a toy, you can not urgently buy him a new one. Otherwise, the baby does not learn to evaluate his own actions and he does not develop the ability to perceive the connections between actions and their results.

Borislav Bilyavskaya

As we go through the transition period in adolescence, we do not suspect that we will have to overcome these difficulties again - as adults, together with our children. This is a difficult time for both teenagers and parents. Naturally, we want to make it easier for our children, to help them.

One of the main problems in adolescence is low self-esteem. An adult is often incapable of objectively assessing himself and his abilities, let alone a teenager. Children can find a bunch of fictional flaws in themselves, and if there is any real problem, then self-esteem drops generally below zero. This forms inferiority complexes and in the future can affect the whole life of your child. The main thing for parents is to teach a teenager to evaluate his data normally, to believe in himself. This is a very difficult task, since the psychological state of a teenager is very unstable, the authority of parents is no longer as adamant as at a younger age, and the opinion of others becomes paramount, especially the opinion of peers.

Teenagers tend to withdraw into themselves, hide their feelings, so moms and dads should be especially careful to notice the problem in time. The basic principles of parental behavior are of particular relevance.

First, be careful with criticism. You should never criticize the child himself, his appearance and abilities. Each word hits a teenager literally “on the living” and can forever be imprinted on his psyche. If necessary, criticize only his actions and deeds, and only in a constructive way.

Secondly, do not skimp on praise. Don't be afraid to praise your child for any positive action, whether it's cleaning the room, academic achievement, a smart remark, or good behavior. Even if a teenager does not outwardly react in any way, be sure that he will definitely appreciate it.

Thirdly, no criticism of appearance. A teenager, even without your help, will find a million shortcomings in his reflection in the mirror - after all, during this period he already has low self-esteem. Tastes in clothes and make-up do not always coincide among different generations, you should not create a problem from such a transient issue. And with the consequences of hormonal changes in the body in the form of acne, greasy hair, excess or lack of weight, it is better to help fight by providing your child with healthy nutrition and face and body care products.

Fourth, no comparisons. Your child is unique. There is no need to compare him with others, to set someone as an example to him. Forget the phrases “Here I am at your age ...” or “And Vova received a higher mark for this control than yours ...” and others like that. This will not lead to anything good, only to the anger of a teenager and an even greater decrease in already low self-esteem.

It is sometimes difficult for even attentive and sensitive parents to notice changes in a teenager's behavior in time and, accordingly, to tackle the problem in time. Therefore, psychologists have compiled a list of questions that need to be answered.

1. Does your child often show anxiety, panic moods?
2. The child does not want to communicate because he is afraid of criticism and ridicule?
3. To what extent does your child's opinion depend on the opinions of others?
4. Are there comrades among the child's environment that he imitates?
5. Does the child tell you about his problems, experiences, plans?
6. Does the child try to avoid attention at meetings of relatives?
7. Does the child prefer to spend time alone or in a noisy company?
8. Does the child refuse to take part in school amateur performances and other similar activities?
9. Does the child consider a positive result in any case to be his merit or a combination of circumstances?

If you answered yes to three or more questions, your child really needs help. No need to find out who is to blame, you just need to act to solve the problem. Remember that at this age teenagers are very vulnerable. In particularly difficult cases, you should not rely on the fact that the problem will “resolve” by itself, it is better to seek qualified help from a child psychologist.

For their part, parents should strive to be an example for their child. At this age, he no longer considers you the best just because you are his parents. The respect and love of a teenager must be earned, don't let it offend you.

Try not to make your child look worse than their peers. For a teenager, fashionable clothes and hairstyles are very important - stupid "jokes" of friends can really ruin a child's life, make him an outcast. Do not indulge all the whims of a teenager, but do not underestimate this problem.

Help your child achieve results. Encourage his activities, especially those in which he can be successful. Let him participate in competitions and attend master classes, this will help the teenager gain confidence in his abilities.

Don't skimp on progress. Now for every child it is almost necessary to have a computer, a modern mobile phone and other devices. Do not think that if you have been using your phone for five years, then your child will not be embarrassed to take out an outdated model in front of their peers. Such things, like fashionable clothes, allow a teenager to feel more confident in the team, and their absence is a direct path to low self-esteem and complexes.

And most importantly, learn to respect your child. He is, though not yet fully formed, but already an independent unique personality. He has his own interests, his own opinion. And this we must respect, although not always agree. When there is love and respect between children and parents, they are able to overcome any difficulties of adolescence. And not only.

12 tips to improve self-esteem

The level of self-esteem affects all the actions of a person. Most often, a person's self-esteem is underestimated, that is, a person's real capabilities are higher than a person's ideas about their capabilities. This is usually due to the fact that the formation of self-esteem occurs mainly in childhood, when a person's capabilities are poorly developed. In addition, a negative environment has a serious impact. Of course, there are cases when a person has high self-esteem, but, in my opinion, this is typical only for very young people. For adults, however, the situation is reversed.

It is quite possible to increase self-esteem, although this is often a rather slow process. However, conscious attempts at building self-esteem can be beneficial to just about anyone.

How to increase self-esteem and self-confidence? Here are 12 tips to help you do just that:

1. Stop comparing yourself to other people. There will always be people who have more of something than you, and there are people who have less than you. If you make comparisons, you will always have too many opponents or opponents in front of you that you cannot surpass.

2. Stop scolding and blaming yourself. You will not be able to develop a high level of self-esteem if you repeat negative statements about yourself and your abilities. Whether you're talking about your appearance, your career, relationships, financial status, or any other aspect of your life, avoid self-deprecating comments. Self-esteem correction is directly related to your statements about yourself.

3. Accept all compliments and congratulations in return "thank you." When you respond to a compliment with something like “yes, nothing special,” you are rejecting the compliment and simultaneously sending yourself the message that you are not worthy of praise, building low self-esteem. Therefore, accept praise without belittling your dignity.

4. Use affirmations(statements) in order to increase self-esteem. Put on a commonly used item, such as a plastic card or wallet, a statement like "I love and accept myself" or "I am an attractive woman and deserve the best in life." May this affirmation be with you always. Repeat the affirmation several times throughout the day, especially before going to bed and after you wake up. Whenever you repeat an affirmation, feel positive emotions about the affirmation. Thus, the impact effect will be greatly enhanced.

5. Use self-esteem workshops, books, audio and video recordings. Any information you allow into your mind takes root there and influences your behavior. Dominant information influences your actions in a dominant way. If you are watchingnegative television programsor read crime stories in the newspapers, most likely your mood will be inclined towards a cynical and pessimistic direction. In the same way, if you read books or listen to programs that are positive in nature and capable of boosting self-esteem, you will acquire qualities from them.

6. Try to communicate with positive and confident people who are ready to support you. When you are surrounded by negative people who constantly suppress you and your ideas, your self-esteem goes down. On the other hand, when you are accepted and encouraged, you feel better and your self-esteem grows.

7. Make a list of your past accomplishments. It doesn't have to be something monumental. The list may include small wins, such as learning to snowboard, getting a driver's license, hitting the gym regularly, etc. Review this list regularly. As you read your achievements, try to close your eyes and feel the satisfaction and joy you once experienced again.

8. Make a list of your positive qualities. Are you honest? Selfless? Helpful to others? Creative? Be kind to yourself and write down at least 20 of your positive qualities. As with the previous list, it is important to review this list often. Many people focus on their shortcomings, reinforcing their low self-esteem there, and then wonder why everything in their life is not as good as they would like. Start focusing on your strengths and you will be much more likely to achieve what you want.

9. Start giving more to others. I'm not talking about money. This refers to giving of yourself in the form of deeds by which you can help others or positively encourage others. When you do something for others, you begin to feel like a more valuable individual, and your self-esteem and mood increase.

10. Try to do what you enjoy. It's hard to feel positive about yourself if your days are spent at a job you despise. Self-esteem flourishes when you are engaged in work or any other vigorous activity that brings you pleasure and makes you feel more valued. Even if your work does not completely suit you, you can devote your free time to some of your hobbies that bring you joy.

11. Be true to yourself. Live your own life. You will never respect yourself if you don't spend your life the way you want to spend it. If you make decisions based on the approval of your friends and family, you are not true to yourself and you will have low self-esteem.

12. Take action! You will not be able to develop a high level of self-esteem if you sit still and do not accept the challenges that arise in front of you. When you act, regardless of the result, your sense of self-esteem grows, you feel more pleasant feelings about yourself. When you procrastinate due to fear or some other anxiety, you will only feel upset and sad feelings, which, of course, will lead to a decrease in self-esteem.

You are a unique person, with great opportunities, with great potential. As your self-esteem grows, your true abilities will unfold. You will begin to take more risks and not be afraid of rejection; you will not be guided by the approval of other people; your relationships will be much more beneficial both for you and for others; you will do what brings you joy and satisfaction. Most importantly, high self-esteem will bring you peace of mind and you will truly appreciate yourself.

Low (by the way, like high) self-esteem interferes with a person very much in life. Self-esteem must be adequate. What to do to someone whose it turned out to be low due to some reasons that are not always dependent on him? How can he finally live a normal life worthy of him? All Answers.ru will give you some very simple but important tips on how to increase your self-esteem.

Where does low self-esteem come from?

The first and main reason is education. Parents very often reproach their children for everything they can and cannot do. In such a situation, the child very easily gets the feeling that he is doing everything in the world wrong. If in late childhood or in adolescence a person fails to overcome this feeling, then he carries low self-esteem with him into adulthood, and this is already truly scary and dangerous. A person will never be able to achieve something serious in life if he does not value himself.

The second reason is not so common, but also occurs. There are people with a soft and indecisive character, easily persuaded and "led" in every sense. It is enough for such a person to say in a rude or harsh form that he is worthless or does not represent anything, as his self-esteem will drop to zero. In this case, self-esteem is raised in the same way, i.e. a person is confidently and clearly told that he is actually very “good”.

Ways to increase self-esteem

1. Never get hung up and think all 24 hours a day that you have low self-esteem - it will not rise one point from this. There is such a rule in life that you need to stop wanting something for this something to happen. Increase self-esteem is about 200%!
2. When you do not understand the task, be sure to clarify it. It is better to be considered a fool only once than to be considered as such every time you meet.
3. Don't be a person who is dissatisfied with everything and everything. Try to look at the world more optimistically. In general, low self-esteem is most often found among pessimists. Therefore, one way to increase self-esteem is to become an optimist.
4. Any comparison harms self-esteem. Don't compare yourself to famous and successful people. This will not add points to the piggy bank of its own significance. And then, you don’t know what difficulties these people went through in life in order to achieve the success that they now have. Then why compare yourself to them?
5. Learn to be responsible for your words and proudly perceive everything that happens to you. This is where courage is needed. Don't make excuses if you've made a mistake. Take it for granted, even if it is very hard. Inner firmness, intransigence and high self-esteem - this is what is always there.
6. Never be afraid of anything. It is better to think over all your actions to the very end, if the most terrible event in the world suddenly happens. This will help you psychologically survive this situation and become more confident in yourself.
7. Charity is a great way to believe in yourself. Find a charitable foundation on the Internet, transfer some money there, and feel your own value to society. This is one of the best ways to boost your self-esteem.
8. Allow yourself imperfection. Forgive yourself for your shortcomings, accept yourself for who you are. Do not dwell on your negative traits (everyone has them), but focus, on the contrary, on your strengths (everyone has them too). All this will allow you to perceive yourself adequately and eventually become even more confident.
9. Change your social circle. You need positive and self-confident people who have achieved something, who have goals, movement and faith in the future. The environment has too much influence on a person to be neglected.
10. Do what you like, what pleases you. Let yourself be carried away by the process itself and the result. This will create a great mood and help you believe in yourself!

Although most parents have a desire to strengthen the self-esteem of their children, especially adolescents, not everyone succeeds in doing it right. In this article, you will find some simple ways to increase self-esteem in a child and what will help a teenager to raise it, whether it is a girl or a boy?

Self-esteem should be nurtured in children from the very beginning of their childhood. Having a good level of self-esteem is critical, especially during adolescence. Since it allows the child, despite the difficulties to build a positive image of himself, not be afraid to experiment and treat his peers correctly. And when they reach adolescence, they will already have solid foundations that allow them to build their own personality. And develop a sense of trust in your own abilities, as well as in the world around you.

How to find out a child's self-esteem, by what signs, you can understand what it is

Self-esteem is a basic element in the personal formation of children. Children's development in learning as well as good relationships and building personal happiness will depend on their degree of self-esteem.

When a child develops good self-esteem, they feel competent, confident, and valued. This helps him to be a responsible person, communicate freely and treat others appropriately. On the contrary, a child with low self-esteem will not trust his abilities or other people. Children and adolescents with low self-esteem are characterized by the following traits:

• His posture and demeanor assumes a closed position. For example, with arched shoulders, uses a weak tone of voice, walks with head down, shifting eyes due to fear of looking others in the eye.
• It seems to him that others are not interested in him, so he does not try to understand the feelings of others.
• In a group, children with low self-esteem are never leaders; on the contrary, they are self-limiting.
• Usually such children do not speak well of themselves, and sometimes of others, due to jealousy or a tendency to focus on the negative.
• They have difficulty making decisions because they don't trust their criteria.
• Fear of failure and disappointment prevent them from doing things on their own initiative.
• They are not capable of true friendships, because they do not believe in reciprocity.
• Often brag about material things to gain the respect or recognition of their peers
• Usually they fantasize a lot and overestimate their own abilities, which are not verifiable in a school environment. And in order not to be discovered in a lie, they say that the event they told happened to them not in this city, village or country.
• If a child has low self-esteem, he will feel worse than other people. Consequently, will behave more timidly, critically or aggressively.

• When faced with a new or difficult task, their inability to solve or overcome it may be accompanied by tears or aggression.
• They are impulsive.
• For them, failure is the result of their intellectual abilities, and success is attributed to chance. Therefore, it is difficult for them to believe in the sincerity of praise addressed to them.
• They lack energy.
• Often quite messy because they don't care about their appearance.
• They have little interest in their own future.
• They are passive and avoid difficult situations they think they can't handle.
• He can be shy or vice versa, irritable, arrogant, aggressive.
• He is alien to his own initiative in relations with others.
• Responds poorly to critical remarks or judgments of others (classmates, teachers, parents), responds to them angrily, categorically.
• When a child's self-esteem is low, he often closes in on himself, prefers loneliness.
• It is difficult for him to cope with disappointments and failures, it demoralizes him. Strongly emotionally upset when he receives criticism in his address. Either experiences a strong sense of embarrassment due to the fact that he has become someone's center of attention.
• He has a poor opinion of himself, tends to downplay or underestimate his own abilities and resources.
• There is often a hint of pessimism in his words, as if everything he has to do is doomed to failure.
• Often compares himself with others, and not in his favor.
• He is afraid to take on any assignments, especially new cases, and, wanting to hide his fear, he comes up with many excuses or asks too many questions.

Knowing how children and adolescents with low self-esteem look, behave and feel, ask yourself: “would you like a similar future for your child”? Definitely not, then what can you do to boost your children's self-esteem?

How to influence the development of adequate self-esteem in a child

A child's self-esteem is their true mirror that teaches who they are, what skills they have and how they develop through experience. It is the result of the relationship between character and the environment in which it develops.

• It is important that the baby feels comfortable at home, and that there is always love, mutual understanding, trust and respect in the family. Happy children develop more harmoniously and grow up self-confident.
• Focus on the positive. A positive parental attitude creates a healthier and more relaxed environment for the child. This atmosphere will provide him with greater security and help him learn to see the positive side even in difficult situations.
• The independence of the child must be encouraged. The sooner he learns to evaluate his strength in any activity, the more boldly he will take on various work in the future. In adulthood, such people can correlate their abilities with the environment and take on the number of responsibilities that they are able to perform. A valuable skill in today's world.
• Remember, in how to increase self-esteem and confidence in a child, it is important to understand that one should love not for something, but just like that (by telling the child about it). But praise should be given to specific efforts and achievements, even the smallest, focusing on his strengths.
• You can not interfere with the manifestation of children's initiative. Phrases are harmful: “You won’t succeed” or “You will do it badly, let me better.” Such a position of the parents will form only an inferiority complex in the crumbs, and in the future he may experience fear of any activity, as he considers that he is not able to perform it.
• It is important to praise, but not overpraise. After all, you can bring up a conceited person if you constantly praise the child excessively. The kid will think that he is the best and the Earth revolves around him, everything is for him. If these traits appear in the child's behavior, it is necessary to have a conversation with him about this, explaining that it is bad to behave arrogantly towards other people. This is not a good character trait. His attitude towards people should be what he wants to see for himself.
• You can not compare your child with other children, otherwise he may grow up anxious and insecure. You should always rely on his individual characteristics.
• In how to raise self-esteem in a child, remember you can not hang labels. Any criticism should not refer to the personality of the child, but only to his actions. Do not throw accusations in the style: "Don't be stupid!" The phrase is much more favorable: “You are capable of me, but now you are lazy. Try again, and everything will work out!

• It is important to always demonstrate faith in your child. This reinforces his self-esteem and causes a desire to take the initiative.
• It is necessary to teach children to be neat, to monitor their appearance. If they get used to looking decent, they will evaluate themselves higher.
• It is impossible to ignore the commission of bad deeds by a child. It is imperative to point out this to him and tell him how to act in such situations, that is, direct him in the right direction. As parents, you cannot save your child from making mistakes, they will make them, but also learn from them. This is how kids learn that actions have consequences.
• Raising self-esteem in children is only possible if you help them learn from their mistakes. Teach your children to see mistakes as ways to learn something new and positive. Teach that it is always better to try something and fail than to do nothing for fear of failure.
• It is important to remember that overprotection quite often provokes the development of low self-esteem, as the child grows up dependent and may not even represent his abilities. The later he starts to face difficulties, the more painfully he burns.
• You have to learn how to finish what you start. The more completed cases a person has in the piggy bank, the higher his satisfaction with himself.
• Reward effort regardless of outcome. It is important to appreciate children's efforts, whether they succeed or fail. So you will help the child understand that his hard "work", even if it turned out unsuccessful, will always be rewarded by his parents.
• Spend time with your kids. Even if you are very busy, try to spend quality time with your children. This will help you build better relationships, and children feel loved, supported and appreciated. (We advise you to find out).

How to boost self-esteem as a teenager

Correct, adequate self-esteem does not mean being presumptuous. This means having a realistic understanding of your strengths and weaknesses. At the same time, use strengths and work in problem areas.

According to numerous studies, adolescents with adequate self-esteem have a more positive outlook on life and, therefore, are happier than children with low self-esteem. At the same time, correct self-esteem leads to greater success in school and social relationships. And low self-esteem leads to depression and stress. Therefore, it is extremely important to teach children and adolescents the skills to cope with child-adolescent difficulties without allowing them to influence their self-esteem.

Although this is not an easy task, parents sometimes need to use every means at their disposal to improve the self-esteem of their teenage children. Here are some tips for success in this field.

Ask your teen for their opinion

There is nothing that would increase the self-esteem of a teenager so much than the attitude of parents towards them as if they were adults. They are usually flattered by this parental trust whenever they are invited to participate in the adult world. However, when forming a personal opinion with children, avoid imposing your own ideas or the vision of others on them.

Encourage you to develop your talents and interests

This is the next good way to boost your teen's self-esteem. Let children's potential be revealed in his interests. Even interests that parents think are considered frivolous can provide opportunities for success. It's optional, sports, music or dancing, maybe it's some kind of hobby. The main thing is that any pastime does not interfere with more important responsibilities, such as studying, academic performance, some housework. Help your teen find positive ways to build self-esteem and explore their identity.

Encourage participation in school activities and presentations

Teenagers want to feel valued not only by their families, but by society as a whole. One of the ways to achieve what you want is the opportunity to have important and useful social functions. When teenagers participate in school activities, community service, they gain recognition and approval from others, which helps to increase their own self-esteem.

Teach kids to be positive about themselves

This will help them not to blame themselves for their failures or shortcomings. Some examples of a positive attitude: "I can definitely solve this problem if I just put in more effort." “It's okay if our team lost today. We all tried our best, but it’s not always possible to win everyone, but next time we will make up for it.” “I feel good because I helped another person, even if he didn’t thank me for it or didn’t notice my help.”

This attitude combines relaxation techniques along with a positive outlook and mental pictures, which naturally helps children develop their own adequate self-esteem.

Be generous with praise

Many parents tend to want their children to succeed and win over others. Most often, however, parents focus on what their teenage children are not good at or how they could improve. Even if teens need to set goals, it's also important for parents to notice the good they've already done.

But it's especially important to praise them for the skills they choose to develop themselves, or for good discipline, for example. Even if the tastes or aspirations of children differ from parental preferences, their value must still be respected and recognized. In order for a teenager's self-esteem not to be low, and for him to feel recognized and loved, he needs and it is important to hear the words of parental approval.

However, do not exaggerate with praise, forgetting about everything else. Honest praise can motivate, while too much of it can have negative consequences. Especially if praise is always accompanied by material rewards,

Stimulate your own decision making

Adolescents also need to learn to make their own decisions according to criteria based on their personal values, and then be able to take responsibility for them. Encourage your teens to decide for themselves which life goals to prioritize and which ones can wait. It's like a small child learning to walk. His parents let him go in the direction he prefers. But they make sure that there are no obstacles in his way that can harm him.

Therefore, do not protect the teenager too much from possible difficulties. If overprotected, he will grow up with a sense of constant parental control or "watchful eye". At the same time, he will never learn to rely on his own strength and his ability to make certain decisions, even to overcome some life barriers. And this is a fundamental aspect not only to gain self-confidence, but also in how they raise their own self-esteem.

You can offer teenagers help, but do not take everything into your own hands. Gently, tactfully direct, prompt, open your eyes to dangers, but at the same time leave room for autonomy of decisions. (This does not apply if the teenager has chosen bad company or bad habits, as there, other parental principles come into force).

Be realistic in your expectations

Every teenager is unique in their character, interests or abilities. So try to avoid unrealistic expectations about him by refraining from unnecessary pressure. If you constantly compare him with others and, moreover, not in his favor, thus wanting to promote your teenage child, then something worthwhile is unlikely to come out of this. Self-esteem will not rise in the child, rather, he will have even more disappointments in relation to himself.

Conclusion

Some experts say that low self-esteem can lead children to problems. For example, depression, anorexia, or drug use, while good self-esteem can help a child feel confident in their abilities rather than being manipulated by others. And also to be more attentive to the needs of others and, above all, to be ready to stand up for your principles and values. Therefore, it is extremely important for parents and teachers to know the ways to increase children's self-esteem described in this article.