Soul Binding 10.06.2017
Dear readers, today we continue our column, led by Elena Khutornaya, writer, blogger, creator of intuitive maps. And this time our conversation will be about such a familiar topic of misunderstanding. How often do we face this in life, trying to resist, fight... But is this the way to really change something? Let's look at this from different angles. I pass the floor to Lena.
Good afternoon, dear readers of Irina's blog. Agree, the easiest way, when they don’t understand you, is just to be offended at everyone too. Or sigh heavily and sadly, they say, well, what to take from you, the wretched ... Or you can get involved in a furious argument, or go into a dull rejection, or pretend that everything is fine, and languish inside yourself and devour yourself with unspoken irritation ... But what will they bring us these habitual patterns of behavior? What, besides negative emotions, spoiled relationships? Perhaps we will experience a sense of superiority or be full of self-righteousness. But is it worth it to experience all these feelings? And if not this, then what to do if you are not understood?
We often regard misunderstanding as the unwillingness of people to do something for us, and, as a result, we really begin to blame them for not loving us, for not wanting to show us attention and sympathy. And we ourselves feel lost, unnecessary, unloved because of this ...
See yourself in others
However, when we experience something like this, it is always worth asking ourselves the question - do we ourselves fully understand those who are close to us? After all, it certainly happens that they also blame us for misunderstanding. And at such moments it seems to us that we, unlike some, have every reason to behave the way we do it. And this is true - everyone always has a justification for their own actions.
There is no need to think that we, like others, never do it - we just don't notice it. Just like those around us, it seems to us at such moments that they are simply making an elephant out of a fly when they make some claims to us.
For example, a wife wants the house to be clean, and she quarrels with her husband so that he takes off his shoes on the rug, and does not walk in shoes all over the apartment. And it seems to her husband, you think, a rug, shoes - business. But his wife could definitely not call him five times while he is driving along the intercity highway on one of his business trips or returning from it. I already explained it to her, and argued, and just tried not to pick up the phone, but she continues like that - she either worries if he has arrived, if it is raining, if there is fog, then she suddenly remembers some other very important matters that must be should be discussed right now while he is on his way. It seems to her that it’s not so much that she distracts him, is it difficult, or what, to answer? And in general, she is for a second and solely out of concern for him ...
Or a young mother is quite sure that her three-year-old child could not cry so much because they did not have time to go to the playground. Here she is tired, she still has to cook dinner, she didn’t get enough sleep, and in the morning she also quarreled with her dad - now she has problems, but is the playground a problem? Well, let's go tomorrow, she's not going anywhere!
Misunderstanding due to unwillingness to understand
And so it turns out that misunderstanding occurs when we ourselves do not want to understand. It seems to us that those around us could well give up their interests for us, enter into a position, take pity on us, support us, but instead they pull everything and pull it to their side ... But we also pull.
It is very important to accept as it is, that for people something that we do not see any importance at all can be very important. I think this is part of the secret of happy couples - they allow each other to be who they are. Maybe they sometimes disagree with each other, maybe they speak out on this topic, try to convince each other, but when it doesn’t work out, they just accept it as it is, without trying to reproach for it.
The wife leaves her husband alone, wipes, sweeps the floor after him. He may grumble at the same time, but he buys a bigger rug, brings him everything from the rooms that he could forget before leaving the house, and does not hold a grudge against him for this.
The husband gets a headset so that he can comfortably talk on the phone while driving, and calmly answers all his wife’s calls: yes, food, everything is fine, no rain, no fog, few cars, kisses, love.
The young mother is really tired, and there is no time to go to the playground, but she does not swear at the child, does not blame him for dullness and capriciousness, but comes home with him and comes up with another activity for him, no less interesting than the sandbox and swings. The child calms down, she calmly prepares dinner, and even has five minutes to calmly drink a cup of tea.
The child still cannot consciously do something for his mother, but thanks to her behavior, he will be calmer and more accommodating, and in the evening he will probably go to bed safely, and will not fall into hysterics from overexcitement.
Thanks for your understanding
The most interesting thing is that when we begin to treat others with greater tolerance and patience, they also begin to show more attention to us, to our needs.
This does not mean that we should be silent about our desires or not voice them again and again. First, those around us must be aware of our desires in order to know how to please us. Secondly, it happens that what they do not remember the first time comes to them from the third, fifth or tenth - and this should also be taken calmly, because habits do not change immediately. It’s just that you don’t need to demand, scandalize and issue ultimatums. We ourselves need to go forward and show the understanding that we would like to see in them.
Ability to see your responsibility
And, of course, we must always remember - these are not people like that, we are like that, and therefore such situations arise in our lives. It's not the husband who is so slow to understand, he can't put his shoes on the mat - it's the wife who attaches too much importance to this. This is not a wife who is so annoying, does not understand what distracts him from the road and risks his life - this is perhaps how the husband sees the care that a loving woman should take, and if she does not call him several times a day, he himself feels unnecessary and abandoned.
And the point, of course, is not in the child and not in the playground, but in the fact that the husband demands that everything be ready for his arrival, cleaned and washed. And the young mother does not always have time for everything and is afraid of his reproaches, and besides, she believes that he himself could help her at least in some way at home. But this is not her husband's problem, but her own - you need to allow yourself not to be in time and at the same time not be afraid of your husband's reproaches. She does not sit idle anyway, everything that she manages, does, does not have time - let her husband help. If he doesn't want to help, that's his business, but it's not her fault either.
So instead of being offended and proving your case, you need to do two things - treat with understanding those who do not understand you. And to see the problem not in people, but to realize that this experience did not arise in vain in your life, with you. And try to change not people, but yourself.
Clue from metaphorical cards
We can do a simple exercise on metaphorical cards. Choose some situation in your life associated with misunderstanding. And then ask yourself one of the following questions:
- What is the cause of the misunderstanding?
- What do I need to understand and realize in order for the situation with misunderstanding to be resolved?
- what will help me to accept this experience?
The video shows one of my decks of intuitive and metaphorical cards. You can watch the video just for fun, for harmonization and relaxation, or you can use it to understand yourself. If you like the second option, formulate a request and select any moment of the video - which map you will get to, that will be the answer to the question posed.
The cards in the video are repeated twice in a different order, so it is quite possible to ask several questions and select several moments of the video, which means several different cards.
Metaphorical cards are NOT FORTUNE, they are psychology. They have no fixed meanings - by referring to them, we turn to our own subconscious. That is why they cannot give wrong answers. And, of course, with the help of them you can work on any other requests. You can read more about this on my website.
How to work with metaphorical cards
What to do if we are not understood
In conclusion, we can only repeat once again: the answer to the question of what to do if you are not understood will always be one thing - understand yourself. Listen to other people, try to look at everything through their eyes, proceed from the desire to do better, and not to win and insist on being right.
People always unmistakably feel these hidden motives, and they turn out to be not so hidden, because we speak completely different words, with different intonations, when, it would seem, we are talking about the same thing, but in different states. So just be kinder, and in return for this kindness, the world around you will become kinder.
Warmly
Khutornaya Elena
I thank Lena for her, as always, correct and wise thoughts. Of course, first of all, we must strive to understand each other, and then in our life there will always be warmth and love, and it will be much easier to overcome all difficulties.
Lenochka, and I want to congratulate you on creating a video clip with your metaphorical cards. Great job! And you can see everything visually, and just work, and relax. And as always, I use the random card selection method. Today I got "Everything will be as you want, or it will not be at all .." She smiled ... but really, that's right.
And for the soul, we will listen today Maksim Mrvica ~ Leeloo's Tune . Incredibly beautiful video that captivates from the first seconds and does not let go. And it is performed by one of my favorite pianists Maxim Mrvitsa.
see also
15 comments
- He does not want to study, it is not interesting.
- Lack of care.
- Gets bad grades.
- Afraid to answer at the blackboard (and similar school fears).
- Does not communicate with children and teachers.
Reply
In this article, we will talk in more detail about what to do if "my husband does not understand me." And also about the reasons for the "bad" behavior of the partner.
If we raise our hand vertically and look at our palm, and another person standing opposite at that moment also looks at our hand, he will see not the palm, but the back of the hand, because he is looking from the other side. The same thing happens in life with situations, relationships, with human personalities. We always see one picture, and another person sees another.
The thing is that we get used to seeing our relationships in a certain way, we get used to focusing on negative aspects. We are so immersed in them, we give them so much time and energy that this habit obscures everything else, it is very difficult for us to switch to something else.
Your partner looks at your relationship, like this hand, in a different way. You can rest as much as you like that your relationship is such and such, and he will say that they are different. He looks at other important moments for him.
Therefore, it is important to learn, if not to look at relationships from different angles, then at least to assume that our point of view is not the only one. When your partner says something, or you see that he is bored in a relationship and wants to run away from home, do you understand this? So, you look at your relationship differently, and it's time to discuss it.
Every person in a relationship wants to feel loved.
How much do you give yourself and your partners a feeling of love, how often do you tell him that everything is fine with him, that you love him, do you often hug him? Everyone wants to feel loved, strong.
We do things to make our loved ones feel stronger. When you notice that your partner is being mean, it means that he most likely does not feel strong in your relationship, he has to “push through” his authority.
A strong person does not need confirmation of this, he feels his strength, and if he demonstrates this, then he does not have this feeling.
People also want to feel significant, important, to see that you support them, hear them. Tell your partner often: “What a great idea you have. I don’t want to go anywhere without you, I’d rather stay with you.” Let him know what he means.
And the last criterion that is important for partners is the feeling that they have a home, it is important for them to feel protected, to know that they come home and can relax, they can do what they want, that they are accepted here as they are.
These qualities are especially pronounced in children, if this is not the case, they become very nervous and irritated. But partners are the same children and also need protection.
What to say to your partner
It is important that you organize all this yourself, and not him. You are in the position of a parent, you know more, you can influence more. And if you don’t have enough love, you can say: “I am very pleased if you hug me, kiss me, if you say kind words to me.”
Or: “It is important for me that you support me in this idea.” Some do not say such words, citing the fact that they do not know what will come of it. But if you don’t try anything new in a relationship, then nothing will change.
If your partner shows "bad behavior" - it means that he is frustrated, depressed, does not know what to do.
When a person, relatively speaking, behaves badly, he simply asks for help: “I can’t cope, I feel disgusting, I don’t know what to do next.”
Determine what is missing. What works, what doesn’t work, where he is disappointed. In general, this is the stumbling block of most relationships. Once you determine this, think about what to do so that he does not feel this way?
It is often enough just to listen, to show interest in the partner and what is happening to him: “I see that you are upset today. Something happened? Maybe you want to tell me how you are?
But it is also important to show respect for his personal territory. Does he generally want to be helped, or is it important for him to be with himself? We are all different, so everything that is in your relationship is important to both.
Only the two of you decide what your relationship will be like.
The basis of correct behavior in relationships is the superposition "I am the cause of everything that happens in my relationship."
If you slide from this foundation, you will immediately fall into the position of a victim: “He is like this, these are the circumstances” - or you will start scolding yourself.
You need to approach this from the other side: “If I am the cause of everything that happens, then I can improve everything. If I built all this, if I created all this, then I will move towards what seems to me the best. I can talk to him to improve something."
A position of responsibility gives you the strength to move on, where you want to go. This is an opportunity to improve everything. In pairs, we are selected according to the mosaic principle, we are suitable for each other, we can be very useful to a partner, but only when we appreciate it in ourselves. When we delegate, share powers in a family team, then there is a lot of respect, then we can be very effective in what we do. Irina Udilova
ONLINE CONSULTATION
I understand that I do not understand anything.
Rauf, good afternoon! Moving in the Internet, I found a site where you help a student to understand himself in an accessible way. Where you do not just see the situation, but point to the immediate source of the problem. Perhaps you will have time and you will respond to my request for a consultation.
R.M.
What is the problem?
I am a 3rd year full time student. In the future, a lawyer. What worries? I have never had problems in my studies, I always close the sessions without triples. However, this year I just can’t pull myself together and force myself to study fully. I come home, give myself time to rest - read a lot, have dinner, do something around the house or just watch a movie. 2 hours pass, and then I start to play for time so as not to teach. In the end, I overpower myself, sit down and understand the theory, but in practice I understand that "I don't understand a damn thing," and there is no time - usually at 1-2 am. Then I sleep for 4 hours, I still read in the morning and go to the university with porridge. At seminars, I'm sorry, I mess up, I mostly keep quiet, and if they ask, I get grades worse than I can earn. I return home, sleep for 2 hours, because the brain does not understand, and then everything is all over again. I often cry. After about 3 weeks of such a regime, I realized that I was starting to go crazy and did not digest my university categorically. I see that classmates not only study successfully (even without going into details of the subject), but also engage in extracurricular activities at the university: scientific, creative, volunteer. The dean's office supports the idea that just studying at a university is not enough; But it’s hard for me to imagine that I will “jump” with a bare stomach on the stage in front of teachers, publish notes in the newspaper of the faculty (because it’s very personal, I write for myself) or discuss the features of the transmission. It seems that I understand that to each his own, but lately it has begun to put wild pressure on the psyche. I know that it’s not worth comparing yourself with others, that it’s impossible to do everything, but before that I didn’t suffer with this. And now I look at myself and understand - I'm rolling down, degrading. So I'm thinking maybe it's not mine? Although I love jurisprudence apart from the university. I don’t shift my problems to anyone, but now I’m wildly confused - why it turns out this way - but I can’t figure it out, no matter how hard I try.
R.M.
This is a fairly common situation when in the 3rd year a person has a "crisis" in his studies. Very often, people who studied well and easily in the first years lose interest in learning in the 3rd-4th year. This is usually due to the fact that the motivation that drove a person before has disappeared, and a new one has not appeared. (Although, of course, in each case it is necessary to understand separately - what was the previous motivation and why it does not work now)). And the task is to find a new motivation for studying, because without motivation it is difficult to study. Since you are writing to me, it means that you probably read my consultations on the site and saw that before giving any recommendations, I ask quite a lot of questions in order to get as complete an idea as possible about what kind of person you are and what actually are your problems. And the more you answer, the easier it will be for me to help you. To begin with, tell us what exactly you can’t do - homework, projects, etc.? Do you go to lectures and seminars?
I spend at least 6 hours studying at the university and 5-6 hours at home. I attend lectures and seminars, do not go - do not respect yourself, and what will it give? Nothing. I have difficulty preparing assignments. I master the theory, delve into it, and with the tasks the game "pull the cat by the tail" begins. Considering that every day there are 2 seminars on different subjects, the preparation of assignments turns into torture. From the very morning I figure out what needs to be done and HOW MUCH I need to sit in order to prepare ALL tasks. At the same time, I write term papers, projects, reports, reviews, etc. well, but in my own mode - at night, when there is a lot of time, and in the morning I sleep off. I like the session mode more, again because I develop the mode myself. The second problem has always existed for me - I'm afraid to say something wrong at the seminars. I only answer when asked. But never, even if I know.
R.M.
It is difficult to reproach you for "laziness", you study a lot, I would even say too much. So let's focus on what actually does not suit you. You wrote, in practice I understand that "I don't understand a damn thing" - let's talk more about this. What does "I don't understand" mean? There are several levels of understanding:
1. Answer what you read in the exam verbatim.
2. Answer in an exam or seminar in your own words.
3. Applying the theory to solve a specific practical problem.
If you compare your understanding with the understanding of your classmates, then in whose favor will the comparison be?
I think that literally answering the exam is just stupid. I need to understand the essence of things, and not copy someone - otherwise nothing will remain in my head. I answer normally. The difficulty lies in applying the theory, because I'm looking for too many options and I just can't choose - I'm not sure what ... I don't know why. Classmates talk more, talk about banal things that are already clear, due to this they leave. If we take into account the level of understanding directly, that is, people who orient themselves on the move (I'm slowly, but like a tank moving towards this), there are also complete boom-boom. I would like to relate to learning more simply, and not to chase like crazy.
R.M.
It's clear - you strive for a deeper understanding of the subject than most (or maybe all) of your classmates, who are more likely to orient themselves on the surface of the subject, but do not try to understand its essence? But your effort to understand the essence of the subject takes a lot of time and effort. And they learn this quickly and, in principle, this is quite enough for answers at seminars and exams, and teachers are also satisfied with their level of knowledge.
Classmates in most cases "leave" due to resourcefulness and activity, but not knowledge, that is, they will hear a tiny part of the correct information from others and begin to develop it right on the spot in front of the teacher. Most often these are just words, a conversation “about nothing”, but at the same time such “frauds” leave no room for pauses. I, in most cases, must rely on facts, clearly calibrated positions - for me this is correct and necessary for my own peace of mind. It cannot be said that I do not have oratory skills, I cannot act in a similar way (as classmates). Anything can happen - often quite tolerable "improvisation on the fly" is obtained. But still, empty talk makes me uncomfortable - not mine. It's like you're holding a time bomb and you need to cut off the wires. Therefore, I behave calmly and reservedly, and the teachers think that I am not interested in the subject or know little
R.M.
The situation is more or less clear. I understood about the time bomb - in principle, you can improvise, but such improvisations cause you great discomfort. Do this - name five adjectives that most accurately characterize your classmates who "leave" due to resourcefulness and activity, but not knowledge, that is, they will hear a tiny part of the correct information from others and begin to develop it right on the spot in front of the teacher.
Self-confident, narcissistic, inventive, sociable, arrogant. Well, and cheeky too. More or less like this.
R.M.
Here's what I can say about your situation. You are such a person who tries to delve into the subject that you study deeply enough, which is called to penetrate into the essence. And of course, such a penetration requires a very large investment of time and effort, as you say, you just need to live in textbooks, which is quite natural. And it seems that everything is fine, and it would even be possible to continue to work so hard if such labor costs would have a result and would be appreciated by other people - teachers and students. So no! - By and large, teachers don’t care, and even more than that, they often appreciate those who leave due to arrogance, self-confidence and sociability, but who spent ten times less energy than you did to study the subject. And it's very embarrassing! And you don’t want to look as arrogant and arrogant as they are, you behave at seminars and exams as you think, as opposed to them - calmly and reservedly, which gives teachers the impression that you are not interested in the subject, which means that in order to achieve a good mark you need to work even more - and there is nowhere else, and this leads you to despair. It is these two feelings - resentment and despair that now dominate you, and it is they that prevent you from studying calmly.
You are right about classmates. Relations with classmates are excellent, we calmly discuss any topic, laugh, joke, tell each other, etc. And this applies to the whole group as a whole, and to each student individually. Outside the university, we communicate calmly. There is no counterbalance and there cannot be. In pairs - yes, I rarely run ahead of the locomotive, but in life I’m not at all crowded, which sits in the corner and scornfully looks sideways towards teachers and students. Judging by the answer, you assume that I have a grudge against students and teachers, because they do not notice my results. It's not about me. But what is correctly noted - I need to carefully master the material FOR MYSELF! For your development. To study so that someone notices, "pats me on the head", says how good I am, is irrational. So that your self-esteem is forever dependent on someone? What kind of complexes? No. I am only responsible to myself. Thanks for the consultation.
R.M.
For a very long time I was in a relationship with a young man with whom I often quarreled. He cheated on me - I cheated on him. But they quarreled literally because of any little thing, the result was always the same - “you don’t know how to stop in time during a quarrel; you don’t hear me; until you yell at you, you don’t understand,” he told me, no matter what I did, it was called into question . Relationships are over.
Now I’m with someone else, I love him very much, we live together, at first we didn’t quarrel at all, I cook, I look after when I was in the hospital, I came every day, I looked after him, now I walk with a cane, many things are hard, but I do everything, I clean, I cook, I work. I often complain about my leg, he understands, but he starts to get mad. They began to quarrel and each quarrel ends with “you don’t hear me; until you start freaking out, you don’t understand” today it’s come to “it’s selfish in some way, you only think that it’s good for you.”
I don’t understand what I’m doing wrong and how to change myself, what to do so that this does not happen ...
Psychologists Answers
Elena, I think that you need sympathy and understanding - such that a "husband" cannot give you - a person with whom you have a "love relationship". And it's men next to you and annoying.
But you could get / receive such support from a psychologist - and this will help you normalize relations with men - when your need is satisfied - you will not demand from them what they cannot give you!
Good luck to you!
Hello, Elena,
it turns out that in two respects you hear the same words from men.
Both of them say you can't hear them.
Lena, this happens in two cases. It happens that the other person just wants to "push through" his point of view and he needs you to do what they need. Those. next to you are authoritarian people who take their throats.
It also happens that we, being able to hear, do not know how to listen. We have ears, but HEARING another person is not easy. To do this, you have to be really interested in what that person has to say. Often we do not listen to the words of a person, but "listen to a pause." "When he is already silent, so that I can say what I need, what I'm right about, what I need." Those. in fact, we are not at all interested in what our interlocutor says there, we just wait for him to finish, and then we will have the opportunity to speak.
Listen to yourself. Do you want to understand that other person? Are you ready to understand that there is another point of view and that you can not always be right or get your own?
And about the "time to stop." It's really difficult, because once you get on your skate, it's hard to get off. Do not want. I would like to say more and more, and more, and it is all important. It's like that. But if the other person has lost the ability to perceive your words, then how much good is such a conversation? Still don't get your point across. So if the other interlocutor asks for a pause, try to give it to him. And you can always return to the conversation.
All the best,
L.S.Vasilevskaya, psychologist-consultant online
Hello, Elena. There are people who are prone to screaming, used to solving problems in this way, simply emotionally loose. At first, during a period of tender love, a man can restrain himself, he is fascinated and bewitched. But then, when he gets used to it a little, he becomes more confident in relationships, begins to show his incontinence, scream, hysteria at any displeasure.
This happens when a man is sure that you will not go anywhere, you will endure. In this case, you must answer the question for yourself: am I ready to endure it endlessly, from time to time, when something goes wrong with him, or a bad mood, or he is hungry, or dissatisfied with something, or something else . Infinitely, because, alas, such men do not change. You are unlikely to be able to "re-educate" him, to convince him, to agree. Why do you choose men who allow themselves to yell at you? This question can be clarified only in a personal consultation with a psychologist.
On the other hand, try not to provoke your man's displeasure.
I often complain about my leg, he understands, but he starts to get mad.
It seems that by complaining you are trying to attract more attention to yourself, to get an "extra portion" of emotional warmth. This is a bad, unconstructive way. Whineers annoy EVERYONE. And if women, as beings with more empathy, can endure other people's complaints longer, then men "break" faster. Just tell him what kind of help you expect from him, talk constructively.
If it is difficult for you to do something in connection with a sore leg, say so, ask him to clean up or cook food himself. After all, you are both in equal conditions, both work.
Do not play psychics, no one will guess your desires. Talk about what you need.
Happiness and good luck to you!
Sincerely, Korableva Elena, St. Petersburg. Psychologist, coach.
Good answer 2 bad answer 0 (3 votes: 5.0 out of 5)As often happens, a few training days have passed, and problems have already begun. The child cries, cannot complete the lessons, declaring that he will not go to school. And teachers complain about the student, they say, he behaves badly. It seems, not a stupid child, but here it is. What's the matter? Experts say that the so-called school stress is included here. It is he who betrays such poor progress, difficulties in communication. How to be, so that the child correctly experienced this stage in his life?
What problems can students have?
Parents say this:
What kind of children are we talking about? About the "weak" with developmental difficulties or about the capable? This may apply to both. It’s just that everything needs to be considered separately, and to understand why it arose, what can be done. So…
He doesn't want to study
Unwillingness to learn, lack of interest can be caused by a sense of insecurity. And it can be inspired by bad relationships in the family. But basically the child is afraid of being misunderstood and rejected.
By whom? Parents and teachers. After all, they evaluate his success in school. And it’s not a fact that it’s good, since there is fear. Because the home can be too busy with the success of the child. What about the teacher? He expects something from the student. Even if the child does well at home, he may disappoint the teacher. So he includes a lack of interest in learning, as a defense ...
Lack of care
Here, too, neurological causes are often to blame. However, most of all, the student's attention may suffer due to stress, the lack of attention of the teacher, when there are many children in the class. And stress is such a thing that will force all the resources of the body to defend itself.
Meanwhile, adults are responsible for the feeling of stability of the student's child in the lower grades. And they can help the child navigate, have attention, etc. The teacher here is an even greater helper. It is clear that there are no such problems with family education.
And yet, in addition to stress, children are each in their own way able to process this or that amount of information, concentrate on something, switch attention. This may be the norm, but a mismatch with the parameters that are recognized at school. So, with family education, where all these factors are taken into account, children study better, and at school they lag behind.
Gets bad grades
Yes, he studies badly. Sometimes in all subjects or one at a time. The latter is characteristic of the immaturity of some areas of the brain. Let's say math. Well, and so on. And the relationship between the child and the teacher can also influence - if he is afraid, he will make so many mistakes out of fear that it will be difficult to count ...
Afraid at the blackboard to answer
Yes, if he studies at home, he is not afraid - no one will laugh, the teacher will calmly explain everything. And at school? This is a continuous anxiety, starting with a call from the lesson ... What can we say about exams - children forget everything they know from fear of such tests. Stress? What more.
What will happen if you don't take action. After all, there are final exams ahead, to the institute ... A child, realizing that he was poorly evaluated once, will be assessed poorly in another, he will suffer all his life. School fears in the bud kill.
Doesn't communicate
Young children feel their separation from the world, how it affects them and how they can influence it themselves. And gradually he understands what signals his body gives him in a given situation. But he may begin to behave paradoxically, because he is afraid - either to get a deuce, or that he will be punished. And write it down as "problematic" instead of helping.
What to do?
In order for a child to learn to understand at school what they say, what they ask, in order to learn lessons, it is necessary, firstly, to choose whether to study at school or at home, and secondly, to involve yourself as much as possible in this process. Indeed, as practice shows, if the school and the family are allies, then fears and other unpleasant moments may not reach. Everyone in his place would do his job, this question would not be raised now.
So what is better - for the child to study with a teacher at home, because you do not work with him and do not pay attention to him? Or let him go to school, learn to communicate and resist difficulties? So make your own choice...
