Questions and tasks (to pp. 146-148)

Your first impressions

1. Which of the characters did you like and why? Who caused the animosity?

Of the heroes, young Dubrovsky liked the most, Troyekurov, his guests and bureaucrats, who made his wishes, aroused hostility.

2. What episodes of the novel do you remember and why?

Most of all, I remember several episodes: the response of the kennel to the elder Dubrovsky and the proud behavior of Andrei Gavrilovich; fire in the estate of Dubrovsky; Vladimir Dubrovsky's attempt to free Masha and their explanation.

3. When did you guess that Deforge is Dubrovsky?

I guessed that Deforge was Dubrovsky when a brave Frenchman killed a bear in cold blood.

Let's understand what we read

1. What gave Troekurov "great weight in the provinces"?

2. How did the neighboring landowners and provincial officials treat him? How can one explain the rudeness and willfulness of Troekurov?

“The neighbors were glad to cater to his smallest whims; provincial bureaucrats trembled at his name; Kiril Petrovich perceived signs of subservience as an appropriate tribute ... ”Troekurov’s rudeness and willfulness can be explained by his enormous wealth and unlimited power over people. It can be said that he treated his guests in the same way as his serfs. He believed that he could acquire everything, and humiliated the dignity of people.

3. What kind of person was Kirila Petrovich at home? What did his usual “occupations” consist of?

“In domestic life, Kiril Petrovich showed all the vices of an uneducated person. Spoiled by everything that only surrounded him, he was used to giving full rein to all the impulses of his own ardent character and to all the undertakings of a rather limited mind. Troekurov drank every evening and suffered from gluttony twice a week. “Troekurov’s constant occupations consisted of traveling around his vast possessions, in long feasts and pranks, invented once a day ...”

4. Why did Troekurov, "arrogant in dealings with people of the highest rank," respect the elder Dubrovsky? What was the similarity between Troekurov and Dubrovsky?

Troekurov, "arrogant in dealings with people of the highest rank," respected Dubrovsky, as he "knew from experience the impatience and decisiveness of his character." Dubrovsky was the only one of the people around him who behaved proudly, was independent and refused the patronage of his own former colleague.

Troekurov and Dubrovsky "partially resembled both in manners and inclinations." This similarity was manifested in pride, but Troekurov maintained this feeling within himself with an understanding of wealth and power, and Dubrovsky with an understanding of the antiquity of his own family and noble honor. Both landowners had a hot, passionate disposition, both adored dog hunting and kept dogs.

5. How does the case in the kennel characterize A. G. Dubrovsky? Can the quarrel between Troekurov and A. G. Dubrovsky be considered an “accident”? Give reasons to support your point of view.

An incident in the kennel characterizes Dubrovsky as a proud man who does not want to be transformed into a jester who owns a sense of his own pluses. Dubrovsky assessed the psar's remark as an insult to noble honor by a serf.

1. How did the officials of the district court welcome Dubrovsky Sr. and Troyekurov?

The county court bureaucrats met Dubrovsky and Troekurov differently. No one paid any attention to Dubrovsky. When Kirila Petrovich arrived, the clerks “got up and put the feathers behind his ear. Members greeted him with an expression of the deepest servility, moved him a chair out of respect for his rank, years and stoutness.

2. What thoughts and feelings do you have of the court and officials?

The picture of the trial evokes a feeling of annoyance, pity for Dubrovsky, indignation against the triumph of Troekurov, and protests against the cringing and subservience of the judges. Pushkin emphasizes the unnaturalness of this trial with the following details: the assessor addresses Troekurov with a low bow, and Dubrovsky is simply presented with a paper; Troekurov, with all this, sits in an armchair, while Dubrovsky stands leaning against the wall. Pushkin emphasizes the word “court decision” in a different font, since he does not believe that the tribunal decided anything at all.

3. Why did Dubrovsky's sudden "madness" strongly affect Troekurov's imagination and poison his triumph?

"Dubrovsky's sudden madness had a great effect" on Troyekurov's imagination and "poisoned his triumph", since he did not manage to see how Dubrovsky was humiliated. He lost his mind, but his pride and honor were not broken.

1. What kind of life did Vladimir Dubrovsky lead in St. Petersburg? Why "he allowed himself luxurious whims"?

Vladimir Dubrovsky led a life in St. Petersburg, which, in his opinion, was decent for a guards officer. His father sent him funds, leaving practically nothing for himself, and Dubrovsky, a wasteful and ambitious young man, “allowed himself luxurious whims, played cards and went into debt, not caring about the future.” He pinned his hopes on his father and on the fact that he would be able to find a rich wife for himself.

2. How did he take the news of his father's illness? What traits of his character were revealed in this case?

Dubrovsky received the news of his father's illness "with unusual excitement." He was horrified by the situation of his father, and he "reproached himself for criminal negligence." Dubrovsky's disposition showed love for his own family and a willingness to come to the aid of his father.

3. What can be said about the attitude of the courtyards and peasants towards Dubrovsky and Troekurov?

Yards and peasants did not adore and feared Troekurov. The coachman Anton told Dubrovsky that Troekurov “had a bad time with his own people, but strangers would get it, so he would not only skin them, but also tear off the meat.”

Dubrovsky is a person who has a sense of his own dignity, and such a person will not humiliate the dignity of another. Dubrovsky was fair to his serfs, and they did not want another master.

1. How did Troekurov take the news of taking possession of the estate? What feelings did he experience?

Troekurov was embarrassed at the news of taking possession of the Dubrovsky estate: “By nature, he was not greedy, the desire for revenge lured him very far, his conscience murmured. He knew the condition of his opponent, an old comrade of his youth, and victory did not gladden his heart.

2. Why was it impossible to reconcile former friends?

The reconciliation of the two friends turned out to be impossible, since Dubrovsky, at the sight of his own opponent, was paralyzed, and Vladimir Dubrovsky, horrified by the state of his father, gave the order to expel Troekurov from the court. The remorse that Troekurov experienced came very late.

After the death of his father, Dubrovsky felt spiritual sorrow. Pushkin writes that Vladimir's face was terrible, that he could neither weep nor pray. The Creator does not directly name the emotions that the young man experienced, but we can imagine that he became hardened, that he experienced a feeling of wounded pride and a desire to avenge the death of his father. Christianity commands to forgive its opponents, but Dubrovsky could not and did not want to forgive Troekurov and therefore could not pray.

Pushkin conveys the experiences of Dubrovsky by describing the thicket where he went after the funeral. Vladimir walked more often, not making out the road, "the branches constantly touched and scratched him, his legs constantly got stuck in the swamp, he did not notice anything." Just as Dubrovsky did not make out the roads more often, so he could not make out his own confused emotions: “... thoughts one another were more darkly embarrassed in his soul ... He felt his loneliness very much.”

2. How do the judicial officials who came to “put into possession” of K. P. Troekurov behave? Pay attention to their speech: “Ask other-others to get out in a good way”; “And who are you ... we don’t know you and we don’t want to know”; “Who dared to open their mouths there?”, “Yes, this is a riot!” etc. Why do they allow themselves this?

The judiciary bureaucrats who arrived to "take over" Troekurov behave impudently and defiantly. They allow boorish expressions addressed to Dubrovsky, threaten his peasants, as they feel strength and power behind their backs, backed up by Troekurov's means.

3. How is the anger and indignation of the serfs growing?

The anger and indignation of the peasants grow evenly, but the peasants experience particular indignation when the bureaucrat offends Dubrovsky himself, the master and legitimate owner of the estate, and inspires the peasants that their master is Troekurov. At first, a voice from the crowd answers the bureaucrats, then a murmur rises in the mass, it intensifies and turns into the most terrible screams. The mass is in motion.

4. Why does Vladimir Dubrovsky not allow angry peasants to deal with officials?

Vladimir Dubrovsky does not allow the angry peasants to deal with the bureaucrats, because he does not want to become a toy in the hands of a crowd of peasants, does not want to become an accomplice in the execution and relies on the justice of the tsar.

1. “No, no! let him not get the sad house from which he kicks me out ”- when and in connection with what did Vladimir Dubrovsky come to such a decision?

Vladimir Dubrovsky came to the decision to burn down the “sad house” after he saw a portrait of his mother again, read her letters to dad, where she spoke about her little son, and heard the voices of clerks who sought either one or the other and with their presence and behavior defiled the bright memory of Dubrovsky's father and mother.

2. What prompted the peasants to join V. Dubrovsky?

The peasants joined the young master. They were prompted to this by indignation that they were going to be commanded and disposed of not by natural nobles (whose right to own land and people was considered unshakable), but by clerks, people of ignoble origin. Arkhip the blacksmith says: “... have you heard the case, the clerks have planned to possess us, the clerks are driving our masters from the manor's court ...” The insult inflicted on their sovereign, the peasants took as their own insult.

3. Why does the blacksmith Arkhip destroy the clerks, but saves the cat at the risk of his own life?

The blacksmith Arkhip ruins the clerks, but at the risk of his life he rescues the cat from the roof of the burning barn. He says to children who laugh at an insignificant animal: “You are not afraid of God: God’s creature is perishing, and you are foolishly rejoicing ...”

Arkhip accepts the cat as a creature of God, saving which will be a matter pleasing to God, but he does not accept clerks as people worthy of salvation, since in his awareness they violated the law established by God and the king that only nobles can possess and dispose of serfs. Helping Troekurov to administer an unjust tribunal, they violated God's commandments: they helped one person steal property from another, they lied and violated the oath to tell the truth.

1. What circumstances made Vladimir Dubrovsky become a robber?

Vladimir Dubrovsky was forced to become a robber by the death of his father and the lack of means of subsistence. But the main thing, I think, is that, knowing the greed and venality of officials, he lost hope for a fair decision of the court and did not even hope to find protection from the tsar, since funds were needed for this, and Dubrovsky did not have them.

2. What is the perception of the leader of the robbers in the district?

About Dubrovsky - the leader of the robbers - they knew that he "was famous for his intelligence, courage and some kind of nobility. Miracles were known about him ... ".

Chapters VIII-IX

1. What “noble entertainment” of Troekurov did you learn about? How does this characterize him?

One of Troekurov's favorite "noble amusements" was playing with bears. He pitted little bear cubs with cats and puppies, then put them on a chain. From time to time the bear was given a barrel studded with nails. The bear touched her, pricked her paws for himself and went into a complete frenzy. The best joke was to lock a man in the same room with a bear tied by a rope.

These amusements characterize Troekurov as a petty tyrant and a sadist, malicious and bitter.

2. Prepare a retelling of the episode "Lunch at Pokrovsky" on behalf of one of the heroes ev.

Retelling of the episode "Lunch at Pokrovsky" on behalf of A.S. Global.

After mass, all the guests followed the owner straight to the house. Servants were already bustling about in the dining room, arranging bottles and carafes and adjusting tablecloths. After being invited by the butler, the owner took his seat. The men, as usual, sat opposite us. Among them, Troekurov's constant guest, Anton Pafnutevich Spitsyn, was missing. He arrived when everyone had already begun to dine, and wanted to apologize, but Troekurov gave the order to give him the device and listened to his story with benevolence. Spitsyn said that the tire at the front wheel had broken, and after the repair he did not dare to go the short way through the Kistenevsky forest. Spitsyn admitted that he had perjured himself at the trial in favor of Troekurov, as if the Dubrovskys had Kistenevka without any right to do so.

The conversation turned to Dubrovsky. Troyekurov put the police officer in an uncomfortable position, or rather, made him look ridiculous, calling the robber a blessing for the police officer, and asked where Dubrovsky had last been seen. I thought that Dubrovsky was specifically with me, and told the story of how a fraudulent clerk hid the funds that I wanted to send to my offspring, and attributed this to Dubrovsky's robbery. But the robber came to me in the uniform of a general, revealed the deception of the clerk, dined with me and left. I thought that it was Dubrovsky himself. But the police officer read his signs, and it turned out that the leader of the robbers was 23 years old, and the man who was with me was about 35 years old. Apparently, someone is acting under his name.

At the end of the dinner, we were amazed when we learned that the young Frenchman, hired by Troekurov, did not lose his head when meeting a bear and killed him with a pistol shot. We all looked at him with curiosity (he sat at the end of the table), but he did not understand Russian and was busy with Sasha, his pupil.

3. Compare the stories of A. S. Globova and A. P. Spitsyn. What characteristic of Dubrovsky does each of them give?

Anton Pafnutevich Spitsyn in his story says about Dubrovsky: "He is not a small mistake, he will not let anyone down, and he will probably tear off two skins from me." Anna Savishna Globova does not give a direct description of Dubrovsky, but retells the words of the visiting general: “... Dubrovsky does not attack everyone, but recognizable rich people, and even here he shares with them, and does not rob completely, and no one blames him for the murders. ..” Globova says: “I thought about who His Excellency was, there was nothing for me to talk to him.” But in the words of the landowner, there is a certain sympathy and respect for the person who exposed the trickery of the clerk and returned the funds to her.

4. “I bet you will talk with Dubrovsky himself for three hours in a row, and you won’t guess with whom God brought you together” - in connection with what did Troekurov come to this conclusion?

Troekurov decided that it would be unrealistic to identify Dubrovsky, even if you spoke with him for three hours in a row, since he had no special signs.

5. Why did none of Troekurov's guests present recognize Dubrovsky?

5. None of Troekurov's guests guessed that Desforge was Dubrovsky, since no one could even expect Troekurov's enemy to be at his house in the role of a French teacher. Dubrovsky did not give himself away. He did not react to stories about himself and spoke only with Sasha and only in French. No one even suspected that he knew the Russian language.

Chapters X-XII

1. Why did A.P. Spitsyn decide to spend the night in the same room with Deforge and what was his awakening like?

Anton Pafnutevich Spitsyn decided to spend the night with Deforge, as he was afraid that he would be robbed. He transferred all his funds into a leather bag and wore it on his own chest under his shirt. Desforge seemed to him a brave man, and Spitsyn decided that in the presence of a Frenchman he had nothing to fear from likely robbers.

“It was strange when he woke up,” the creator writes. “He felt through a dream that someone was gently tugging at his shirt collar.” When he opened his eyes, he saw a Frenchman unfastening a sacred bag. The Frenchman said in unsullied Russian: “... be silent, or you are gone. I am Dubrovsky.

2. How did Dubrovsky become Deforge?

Dubrovsky at the post station met a Frenchman who was on his way to Troekurov's to serve as a teacher for little Sasha. Dubrovsky offered the Frenchman money for giving him all the documents and immediately leaving for France. The French agreed. So Dubrovsky became Deforge.

3. What qualities of Dubrovsky's character manifested themselves during his stay in Pokrovsky?

During his stay at the Troekurov estate, Dubrovsky showed restraint, composure, acting qualities, nobility and the ability to control himself.

4. Why did Dubrovsky look for an opportunity to settle in Troekurov's house and renounce his revenge?

Dubrovsky abandoned plans of revenge on Troekurov and decided to settle in his house under the guise of a Frenchman, since he was in love with Troekurov's daughter Marya Kirilovna.

Chapters XII-XVIII

1. How do you imagine Prince Vereisky? What makes him related to Troekurov and what is their difference?

Prince Vereisky is a man of fifty, but seems "much older". Pushkin writes: “Excesses of every kind exhausted his health and put their indelible stamp on him. Despite that, his appearance was sweet, wonderful, and the habit of being always in society gave him a certain courtesy, especially with ladies. He had an incessant need for distraction and was incessantly bored. The prince was an empty man. He spent his whole life abroad, lived on the funds that the clerk from the estate sent him, and for the first time came to look at this estate at the age of 50. In this he differs from his own neighbor: Kirila Petrovich Troekurov lived on his estate and managed the household himself. But Troekurov also exhausted himself with all sorts of excesses: remember that he was tipsy every evening and suffered from gluttony twice a week.

2 neighbors are also related by the fact that any of them bothered only about their own well-being and believed that all the others were made only to serve them and give them pleasure.

2, How did Kirila Petrovich treat his daughter and how did he dispose of her fate?

Kirila Petrovich treated his own daughter as belonging, and without her consent decided to marry her to a prince who is three times older than her. Masha's spiritual experiences were an insulting misunderstanding for him. He considered only the question of dowry to be a matter.

3. Retell the episode with the ring close to the text (chap. XVII). How did Mitya and Sasha behave during the interrogation? Why did Troekurov and the police officer release Mitya, and what were the consequences of this circumstance? How did the relationship between Marya Kirilovna and Vladimir Dubrovsky develop? Why did she refuse his help?

Mitya and Sasha behaved differently during the interrogation. Sasha betrayed his sister. When he let it slip, Kirila Petrovich realized that Marya Kirilovna was involved in the case, and began to threaten Sasha that he would flog him with rods. Sasha was horrified and evenly, word for word, spoke about his sister's request.

When Troekurov's attention turned to Mitya, he replied that he was "a yard man of the Dubrovskys." This was a very bold answer, since after the court decision Dubrovsky's serfs belonged to Troekurov. To Troekurov's subsequent question, the boy replied "with great indifference" that he "stole raspberries." After that Mitya did not utter another word. He took on the "look of a real fool" and did not respond to Troekurov's dangers.

Troekurov and the police officer released Mitya to track down where he would run: "He will help us catch the ataman himself." The consequence of this was that the robbers' camp was found, and the fighters stormed it.

After Dubrovsky confessed his love to Marya Kirilovna, she promised to resort to his help if necessary. But she herself, in desperation, told her father that she could resort to the help of Dubrovsky. Father did everything possible to prevent this from happening. Marya Kirilovna could not leave the house to warn Dubrovsky, she could not fit the ring into the hollow of the oak. Marya Kirilovna could not tell the pope in time that she did not want to marry Vereisky, she could not say “no” in church. She was expecting a mysterious romantic liberator, doing nothing for her own deliverance. When Dubrovsky and his people stopped the carriage, she reproached him for not coming on time, and said: “I agreed, I swore an oath ...”

She refused his help, since the pride of the aristocrat did not allow her to admit that she could do something against her own will.

1. A. S. Pushkin calls the peasants of Dubrovsky robbers. What words in the text does he "refute" his statement?

Pushkin calls the peasants of Dubrovsky robbers, but he himself refutes this statement, describing their way of life. So, the sentry "inserted a patch into a certain part of his own clothes, owning a needle with art that denounces the most experienced tailor." After dinner, the robbers got up and prayed, later some scattered through the forest, while others lay down to sleep, “according to the Russian custom,” as the peasants do.

The guard does not behave like a robber, accustomed to the constant threat, like a person who plays robber. He admires the patch and, sitting astride a cannon, sings a sad song with all his throat. A person who feels sadness and sadness will not sing at the top of his lungs. He will sing softly, thoughtfully. Even more so, the person standing on guard will not sing, since he must listen to see if there is an enemy somewhere.

Naturally, for real robbers, “an old woman in a snow-white cap, neatly and primly dressed” will not leave the door of the hut.

2. Why do you think Vladimir Dubrovsky left his peasants?

Dubrovsky left his own peasants for several reasons. Firstly, he realized that after the storming of his fortress by fighters, the government would send larger forces to eliminate the robber nest, and he would no longer be able to stand with his peasant robbers. Secondly, he already had enough means to secure a life for himself abroad (in Russia he would no longer be able to live under his own name) and to provide means for his own peasants. Thirdly, the main reason why Dubrovsky still remained in the Kistenevskaya grove disappeared: Marya Gavrilovna became Princess Vereiskaya and refused his help.

Literature and other arts (to pp. 148-149)

1. Consider the illustrations by D. Shmarinov, E. Lansere and B. Kustodiev for the novel "Dubrovsky", placed in the textbook. What moments are captured on them? Title these illustrations. Prepare an oral presentation on one of them. Pay attention to how the artists depicted the feelings and experiences of the characters.

Illustration by B.M. Kustodiev to the novel “Dubrovsky”: “At this time, newborn puppies were brought to Kiril Petrovich in a basket; he took care of them, chose 2 for himself, and ordered others to be drowned. You can title it like this: "Kirila Petrovich chooses puppies."

YES. Shmarinov, “Fire in the Dubrovsky Estate”: “Dubrovsky brought the torch closer, the hay flared up, the flame soared and lit up the whole house.”

In the illustration by E.E. Lansere depicts the moment when Dubrovsky's people stop the carriage of Prince and Princess Vereisky. You can title this illustration with the words from the novel: "You are free, come out."

In the illustration by D.A. Shmarinov "Fire in the estate of Dubrovsky" in the center depicts a young gentleman Vladimir Andreevich Dubrovsky. He seemed to have just brought a torch to the hay, which flared up brightly, "the flame soared and lit up the whole house." He took off his cap, saying goodbye to his home, and looked at the fire. To his left stands, focusing on his hand, his nanny Arina Egorovna Buzyryova, in a snow-white scarf and apron, her head down in shame. Behind it we recognize the figures of the Dubrovsky serfs: the coachman Anton with black hair and a beard, the fair-haired Grisha, the offspring of Yegorovna, and - behind the figure of Anton - the blacksmith Arkhip, who locked the clerks with a key, but at the risk of his life rescued the cat from the roof of a flaming barn.

On the left we see the fire of the fire. Tongues of flame reach out towards Dubrovsky. In the background are horses, above, above a group of people, sparks from a fire fly to a black sky.

The whole figure of Dubrovsky expresses pride and a sense of inner pluses. The figures of serfs express a gloomy determination to follow their proud master: "...we will die, we will not leave you, we will go with you."

Composition

Questions and tasks (to p. 150)

1. Make a plan of the main events of chapters VIII-XI in the order in which they are described in the novel. Restore the true course of events. For what purpose does A. S. Pushkin violate the temporal sequence of events?

1. The plan of the main events of the chapters \CHP-X1.

1) The French teacher arrived in Pokrovskoye.

2) Kirila Petrovich's conversation with a Frenchman.

3) "Noble amusements of the Russian master."

4) Deforge kills the bear.

5) "... the guests began to arrive."

6) Gala dinner in Pokrovsky.

7) The stories of Spitsyn and Globovoy.

8) Signs of Dubrovsky.

9) The end of the holiday.

10) Anton Pafnutevich goes to bed in Dubrovsky's room.

11) Deforge-Dubrovsky robs Spitsyn.

12) The French teacher is waiting for the horses in the caretaker's house.

13) Dubrovsky buys documents from a Frenchman.

14) Dubrovsky, with the Frenchman's papers, comes to Troekurov and becomes Sasha's teacher.

15) Morning departure of the robbed Spitsyn.

Pushkin disrupts the real course of events. At first, Dubrovsky met a Frenchman waiting for horses at the station and bought documents from him. Then Dubrovsky, with the Frenchman's papers, appeared at Troekurov's house as a teacher for Sasha. After some time, a celebration took place in Dubrovsky's house, after which the timid Spitsyn wished to spend the night in Deforge's room, because he believed in his courage. In the afternoon, Deforge, suddenly turning into Dubrovsky, robbed Spitsyn, after which he left home.

Pushkin breaks the temporal sequence of events in order to create a mystery, intrigue, and arouse the intense enthusiasm of readers.

2. Compare the description of two estates: Pokrovsky and Kistenevka (Chapter III). What conclusion can be drawn from this comparison?

Comparing the descriptions of 2 estates - Pokrovsky and Kistenevka, we can say that Troekurov was a wealthy landowner, and Dubrovsky was poor. Troekurov's estate was located in a wonderful place, on the bank of a pond. On one of the mounds stood a large stone house, on the other - a five-domed church and an ancient bell tower.

Dubrovsky's estate was a gray house with a red roof, standing in an open area not far from a birch grove.

According to these descriptions, one can perfectly imagine the environment in which the heroes of the work lived and acted.

The author introduces the stories of Spitsyn and Globova into the narrative in order to show the idea that the nearby landowners had about Dubrovsky, to express the conflicting feelings of people about the robber involuntarily, and to present readers with the appearance of the main character.

Anger, anger, irritation are negative emotions that can worsen relationships with people, and life in general. They are hard to control. Sometimes they justify their behavior and words. But this is a negative affective reaction of a person - that is, something that does not last long, but proceeds very rapidly (here we mean emotions). The stronger the anger, the stronger will be his reaction. In this state, a person often has a red face, and he is ready to literally smash everything around, or at least a source of irritation.

In a fit of anger, people often commit rash acts, for which they then have to pay in the literal sense - with money or deal with the offense of loved ones or others. Anger and excessive anger most often plays a negative role in a person's life. That is why it is so important to learn how to deal with it.

Anger is an emotion. Therefore, it is not entirely correct to talk about how to overcome anger or stop being angry. Rather like learn to control your emotions generally. You will have to fight not only with anger in particular, but rather with yourself in the manifestation of your emotions. Having gained control over your condition, it will immediately become much easier to live, it will be easier to build relationships with people and you can avoid many mistakes that occur due to incontinence.

How to control anger?

First of all, you need to understand for yourself that if attacks of anger are repeated often (more than once every two weeks), then this is not a good sign. It may indicate the presence of mental disorders of a different nature, ranging from stress, neurosis and ending with mental illness. If you decide to deal with anger, then this is already good. This means that you have admitted that you have a problem. They took one of the most difficult steps in changing themselves, they decided to fight their character.

Briefly, we can highlight the main prerequisites for the emergence of anger:

• Stress, psychological stress, fear. These factors can be in combination, or they can act as separate reasons. When a person is afraid, all his internal reserves are mobilized, anger will be as a way of protection from a threatening situation.
• as an acceptable form of behavior. Almost everyone has people around who, without a twinge of conscience, shout at others, are rude, or even get into a fight at the slightest provocation. In this case, anger acts as a dose of adrenaline and a way to get pleasure - a person likes to make sure that he is much stronger than others, this gives him sadistic pleasure.
• As a way to express excessive stress. There are people who do not show their negative emotions for a long time. Tension builds up inside. There comes a moment when a person at a time “splashes” everything out.

If you understand what exactly causes irritation most often and why it occurs in a particular person in specific situations, it will become easier to control your excessive anger and irritability. It is necessary to approach this problem more reasonably, with a minimum of emotions and subjective experiences. Only facts. You can prepare yourself in advance for the fact that irritation may arise.

Can anger be normal?

It can be a variant of normal behavior, adequate to the situation. In the event that a person manifests it in case of danger (imaginary or real) or it occurs one-time, from excessive emotional stress. Excessive anger cannot be normal in the philistine sense. Constant irritation is always bad. You need to look for reasons first of all within yourself. External factors are most often not causes, but only phenomena predisposing to anger. Internal factors - fatigue, stress, disappointment, fear can also be favorable factors for the manifestation of malice. How to deal with irritability and anger in this case? Think about yourself, about your condition. Get more rest and relaxation. Sometimes it's good to let go. Everything can resolve itself.

Anger is a normal human reaction to the dissatisfaction of needs, if it is expressed in socially acceptable forms and does not infringe on anyone's rights. Anger comes in moments when it is impossible to get something or achieve something. Sometimes it is more expedient to reduce your requirements for others, and try to satisfy your needs in acceptable ways and pacify emotions.

Reasons for anger

Psychology considers anger reactions from different points of view. Some authors in psychology believe that if a person can control his emotions, then he will be able to solve many problems in the development of his personality. Some, on the contrary, believe that since emotions are short-term reactions, they do not require careful analysis. Perhaps, if anger and anger are subdued to reason, life will actually become easier. This is on the one hand.

But on the other hand, a person cannot be a robot. Moreover, emotions help to understand another person. Anger, like any other emotion, can play both a negative role in a person's life and a positive one. It often acts as a defensive reaction. Or when a person takes a defensive stance. When he thinks little of how to control his anger or irritability. His thoughts are occupied with protection from surrounding or external circumstances. Especially, it concerns children.

Anger can be a signal to others, such as approaching dangerously. In fact, there can be many functions. But for the person himself, manifestations of anger and irritability have a rather negative effect on the general condition. Anger depletes the psyche, makes it more vulnerable. That is why it is so important to know how to curb your anger and spitefulness. A person begins to get angry and annoyed when something goes completely different from what he intended or wanted.

The main reason is the inability (unwillingness) to restrain oneself at a particular moment. Not those circumstances that cause irritation at the moment, namely the inability of a person to be angry and not angry at specific circumstances.

How to get rid of anger?

It is worth noting right away that you need to fight not with one-time manifestations, you need to deal with the internal causes of anger and try to eliminate them. If you notice that attacks of anger began to occur relatively recently, then this is a clear sign of internal tension. You need to work with him. Get to know yourself first. Why are you expressing your negative emotions so violently. How to overcome anger? We note right away that it is unrealistic to completely get rid of this. People can't keep themselves rigid all the time. Negative emotions sometimes need to be shown.

If anger is the norm for you, that is, it is your constant companion, and all your friends are already used to the fact that in which case you tear and masquerade, then it’s already more difficult. Anger has turned into a character trait, and you will have to fight not with anger, but with your wickedness.

In the case when anger is only a one-time way to “relieve” tension, it rarely occurs, then there is no particular cause for concern. Unless, of course, people suffer too much from this.

Ways to deal with anger:

• open verbal expression. Examples: “I’m so angry now, I’m ready to kill everyone”, “This situation makes me terribly angry, I don’t know how to influence it anymore”, “It annoys me when people do this. Why are they doing this?" It's okay, even if these phrases sound in raised tones. The main thing is not to overdo it.
• Physical exercise. In the case when you feel that anger slowly takes possession of you, try to find a way for intense, short-term physical activity - squats, push-ups, running, lifting and dragging heavy objects. Enough 3-5 minutes, the anger will recede. Even brisk walking will do. After that, you will be able to express your indignation in a more civilized way.
• Autotraining (internal training). Special breathing exercises or at least just deep breaths and exhalations. Counting to yourself, and if possible, out loud would be an even better way. Not necessarily in order. It is necessary to “load” the brain with any mathematical operations, even complex ones. This will only be a plus and will help to restrain.
• You can go to eat or drink tea. Food has a calming effect. Gives energy. And delicious food can relieve irritation. Chocolate, cakes, sweets. Sweet gives a good mood. Let it be for a while. But this time will be enough for the negativity to go away. It's hard to be mean all the time.

You just need to remember that these methods can help if there are no serious internal problems. Anxiety, fear, unrest only provoke outbursts of anger and aggression. It would be naive to think that anger attacks can be dealt with easily and simply. This process can take many months. All difficulties must be overcome gradually. Especially if it has become a style of behavior. Then uncontrolled outbursts of anger are already turning into rudeness and incontinence, into an inability to control oneself.

The third passion is anger. Anger is the mask of madness, the dance of demons, voluntary possession, the brutal relations of people with each other, the fight of savages. An angry one is like a wolf that has seized its prey with its teeth and does not let it go, or like an epileptic who has fallen to the ground and is writhing in convulsions. When the angry one cannot vent his anger on others, he rushes about in his room like a caged animal, breaks the furniture, as if things have done wrong to him, beats himself on the head and bites his hands until they bleed. In this state, a person is sure that he is right in everything and fights to establish justice. But when the anger passes, he sees his soul, polluted by swear words, like a shore after low tide, where the waves left the garbage carried out from the bottom of the sea. Often, after a fit of anger, a person experiences shame and remorse for causing undeserved insults and pain to people. He tries to make up for it by showing them a special kindness, and becomes soft as a silk. But this is a deceptive state: after a while, outbursts of anger are repeated, sometimes for the most unexpected reasons. An angry person is like a bomb that can explode at any moment. Even if the angry man is right, then his words, filled with malice like poison, will not be perceived by another person - he will try to defend himself from them like a turtle that pulls its head into its shell: after all, a person who is beaten during a fight does not think who is right and who is wrong , and tries to defend itself from blows. Not only the inner state of an angry person, but his outward appearance becomes like a beast. If he had looked in the mirror at that time, he would not have recognized himself in the creature, whose teeth are bared like fangs, whose eyes throw sparks, the face is reddened, as if flooded with crimson paint. Often a person writhes and makes strange movements, as a patient trembles during a fever.

Some believe that anger, unlike other passions, does not even give illusory pleasure. But we think that this is not the case. In a state of rage, a person experiences a dark bestial pleasure, as if he is eating his prey and surrenders to this feeling as voluptuousness.

Anger has many varieties. This is a snake that gives birth to cubs that are more poisonous and dangerous than him. These serpents: rage, hatred, envy, jealousy, vindictiveness, which make both the person himself and his loved ones unhappy.

Anger is easily combined with other passions and then a whole spectrum of colors and shades appears, as when a ray is refracted through a crystal.

Anger, combined with sadness, gives rise to irritability, annoyance, grumbling and chronic dissatisfaction with everything and everyone.

Anger, combined with despondency, gives rise to hatred and contempt for life itself, protest against God's providence, blasphemy against God, and often aggressive atheism. This condition is a harbinger of despair and is one of the causes of suicide.

Anger, combined with vanity, gives rise to envy, vindictiveness and vindictiveness. For such a person, the enemy is already the one who has surpassed or outstripped him in some way. He is ready to use the lowest means against his "rival": caustic ridicule, gossip, slander and denunciation.

Anger combined with pride gives rise to hatred of humanity, fanaticism and ruthlessness. These two passions resound in the pathos of the tribunes of revolutions. When such people seize power, they become permanent killers and maniacal necromancers, especially if paranoid fear for the crimes committed is added to this. According to legend, Cain was overwhelmed with such fear after the murder of Abel. He trembled like a leaf and constantly moved from place to place, as if pursued by invisible avengers, like the ghost of a murdered brother: he hid behind the walls of the city he built, then wandered in the mountains and hid in the thickets of forests, until he was killed by a random arrow from Lamech, who him for the beast.

The Roman emperor Caligula - a sadist and paranoid on the throne of the Roman Caesars - said that he regretted that humanity did not have a single neck to cut off his head with one blow of the sword.

Rage is the highest intensity of anger. Ardent means "fiery". In a state of rage, a person manifests a demonic impulse of destruction, more terrible than the instinct of a beast that has felt blood. In this state, he does not regret either his own or someone else's life. Alexander the Great, called the Great, did not lose a single battle in his life, but often suffered defeat from his own anger. Once, in a state of sudden rage, he killed his best friend, with whom he was inseparable like Achilles and Patroclus, and then he himself was horrified by his act and bitterly mourned the murdered man.

Of the other products of anger, we mention the following passions:

Resentment is petrified anger; it lurks in the depths of the heart and can flare up at any time, like coals smoldering under ashes, if brushwood is thrown on them.

Vindictiveness is a constant desire to harm one's offender. The subject of this passion is like a night killer who, hiding a knife in the folds of his clothes, hunts down the victim. If, in a state of rage, a person rushes at the enemy, not hiding or hiding, but face to face, then the avenger usually strikes in the back.

Envy is grief for someone else's joy and joy for someone else's grief.

Jealousy is the result of an insane attachment to a person and a fear of losing the object of one's passionate love. This is a snake that lives in the heart and constantly bites it. For the jealous, death is better than the loss of his idol.

There is another kind of anger - cold indifference, it is fire turned into ice. Christians are commanded to forget insults, and in this case a person tries to forget not the insult, but the offender, to expel him from his heart, to erase his name from memory. This indifference is like the cold of a blade, and not like Christian forgiveness, when an enemy becomes a friend; it rather resembles the Buddhist indifference and contempt of the Stoics, for whom revenge is to humiliate themselves: the sage to equal the ignoramus, the aristocrat of the spirit - with the smelly plebeian.

The sin of anger also includes cruelty to animals: the desire to torment and inflict pain on defenseless beings. For example, a child tears off the head of a doll, then tortures a cat, throws stones at a dog, tears off the wings of butterflies. He begins to experience pleasure by hurting others. Maniacs and sadists often grow out of such people, who not only kill, but torture their victims.

Sometimes cruelty and deaf hatred of people can be combined, oddly enough, with sentimentality. Some Nazi executioners who burned people alive in gas chambers, returning home after their terrible work, played the violin and gently caressed their children.

But, unfortunately, the combination of sentimentality and cruelty is not unique to these professional killers. Look closely at the portrait of Alexander Blok. His gaze, detached from the world, is fixed somewhere far away. It reflects not the azure of the sky, about which he wrote so penetratingly, but a metaphysical emptiness. On his face, like an indelible seal - a cruel fold of lips. Then you begin to understand where the charm of his demonic lyrics comes from. This is a strange combination: the extinct eyes of a dying dove and the lips of Mephistopheles.

Take Vrubel's portrait of Bryusov. It seems that a dark flame breaks out of the chest and oozes from the eyes of this decadent prince, as if exposing not even the bestial, but the bestial depth, or, more precisely, the inside of his soul.
The luminaries of Russian poetry of the 20th century: Bryusov, Blok, Andrey Bely, welcomed the revolution not only because they feared reprisals and knelt before the victor in order to survive, but also because the crimson reflection of the revolution had long been burning in their souls like sparks. hell. In the revolution, they found their own, although "their own" turned out to be the rope of the gallows. Blok openly rejoiced at the bloody orgy of the revolution and called on the usurpers of power to destroy churches and monasteries. Bryusov composed requiems for the death of Lenin, similar to the Internationale. Pasternak wrote a poem about Lieutenant Schmidt, an officer who changed his oath, and then, for several years, compiled the Leniniad (being a polyglot, on behalf of the Soviet government, he wrote out everything related to Lenin from the foreign press). Sologub, a fashionable lyric poet of the pre-revolutionary years, in an anonymous poem called on the people to hoist three gallows: hang the king on one, and the princesses on the other. Why not the image of Yekaterinburg Golgotha? (Andrei Bely testifies in his memoirs that this vile anonymous letter belonged to Sologub).

How to deal with the passion of anger? First of all, silence. If anger rises to your throat, then stop it, lock it up like a caught scorpion in a jar, do not enter into a conversation at this time, even if it is as difficult as not to scream when burned. In a passionate state, one can neither say nor do anything good, except for one thing: to calm oneself. The truth, spoken with irritation and anger, sounds like a lie. If a person managed to remain silent during anger, then this is the first victory. Then he will be glad in his soul that this time the demon did not manage to deceive him. Having calmed down, he will find other words to tell the person what he wanted.

When anger rises, one must remember death and imagine two graves next to each other: in one you will lie, in the other your offender; what is left of you and him? Bones and ashes. Eyes that looked defiantly bulged out of their sockets; the heart has turned into a handful of pus, the tongue that spoke maliciously and proudly has been eaten away by worms. Think that life is just a dream that passes without a trace, like spring snow melts. What do all earthly passions mean before the mystery of death and eternity.

To combat anger, a change in the moral orientation of a person is necessary. One of the causes of anger is the gap between desire and possibility. Therefore, in the fight against anger, we must consider our desires and aspirations - whether they are correct. False desire based on passion gives rise to false ideas. A person falls into the realm of illusions, the images of which feed the mind and heart. Unfulfilled desire gives rise to protest, like a wave hitting a stone - a reverse wave. Therefore, in order to fight anger, it is necessary to determine the main goal of life and subordinate your spiritual forces to it. To do this, it is necessary to cleanse the mind of fantasies and imaginations that give rise to the illusion of thought, and the heart - of pride and claims to a special place in the world.

So, the fight against anger must begin with the correction of the mental force - the mind, then - the desired force (the area of ​​emotions), and then - the irritable force (the reactive force of the soul).

To deal with anger, as well as with other passions, inner prayer is needed. If it is impossible to postpone the dispute for a time when the heart has completely calmed down, then you need to set yourself a rule: say the Jesus Prayer 33 times before answering the person. You can also read the verse of the psalm: "Lay, O Lord, a guardianship in my mouth, and a gate of protection in my mouth."

There are two kinds of anger: natural and sinful. Natural anger is a necessary property of the human soul, protecting it from the invasion of invisible spiritual snakes - just like the immune system protects the human body from pathogens. This is anger against the demon and sin. He is the guardian of the soul; without it purity of heart, acquisition of grace and love for God are impossible. About such anger it is written in the Bible: "Be angry and do not sin."

Without anger, it is impossible to purify the soul from passions and expel unclean thoughts during prayer. Without holy wrath, love itself degrades into indifference and tolerance for sin. Many attribute their indifference to condescension and mercy, but in fact the holy anger towards sin has faded in their souls, and the love of God has disappeared. There is a technique in wrestling: to turn the enemy's strength against him. In spiritual warfare, one must learn to turn holy anger against passionate, perverse anger. The great art of being angry with anger. At first, this will seem paradoxical: how can you extinguish a fire with fire, stop the wind with wind, and block the flow of another river with a river? But practice in this art and experience will teach you what to do. One must be angry at anger as at the shameful state of a god-like soul.

At the same time, the cause of sin, which was previously hidden from man, is exposed. If such a comparison can be used, then anger, subject to reason, is like a tamed lion that protects its master from predatory animals.

At present, Eastern teachings have begun to spread, where the fight against passions, including anger, is based on vicious anthropological premises, namely, that the human body itself is supposedly evil and therefore the emotional sphere should not be cleansed of passions, but destroyed. With the destruction of natural anger, a state of emotional indifference sets in, the aversion to sin is dulled, and the boundary between good and evil is gradually erased.

The fight against anger is at the same time the awakening, release and restoration of natural anger in its former legal boundaries. This is necessary for the healing and rebirth of the entire human trimeria. A person who has mastered the art of being angry with anger will be able to suppress the outbursts of this passion at first, just as a fire is extinguished with water.

The Monk John of the Ladder writes that there are people who are naturally gentle and angry, but he appeases the latter more if they conquered their passion through labors and exploits.

How to deal with anger? What to do with outbreaks of aggression and irritation? How to learn to control your emotions? How many times in our lives have we asked this question… “I feel rage in my whole body, I need to learn how to deal with this anger and anger, but I don’t know how.” “I physically feel like in certain situations everything seems to explode inside me.”This is what people say when they are asked what exactly is going on in their head (or body) at the moment of a fit of anger. In this article, psychologist Mairena Vasquez gives you 11 practical tips for every day on how to deal with your anger.

How to deal with anger. Tips for every day

We have all experienced anger in our lives as a result of some out of control situations personal problems that upset us, due to fatigue, insecurity, envy, unpleasant memories, because of situations that we cannot accept, and even because of some people whose behavior we do not like or annoy ... Sometimes failures and the collapse of life plans can also cause frustration, anger and aggression. What is anger?

Anger - it is a negative emotional reaction of a violent nature (emotion), which can be accompanied by both biological and psychological changes. The intensity of anger varies from feeling dissatisfied to furious or furious.

When we experience anger, the cardiovascular system suffers, blood pressure rises, sweating, heart rate and breathing become more frequent, muscles tense, we blush, we experience problems with sleep and digestion, we cannot think and reason rationally ...

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At the physiological level Anger is associated with a series of chemical reactions that take place in our brain.. To summarize:

When something makes us angry or annoying, amygdala(the part of the brain responsible for processing and storing emotions) seeks help from (which is also responsible for our mood). At this point, it begins to release adrenalin to prepare our body for a possible threat. Therefore, when we are irritated or angry, our heart rate increases and our senses are heightened.

All emotions are necessary, useful and play a role in our lives. Yes, anger is necessary and beneficial, as it helps us respond to any situation that we perceive as a threat, and also gives us the ability to confront any circumstance that disrupts our plans. It gives the necessary courage and energy and reduces the feeling of fear, which allows us to better cope with troubles and injustices.

Very often anger hides behind other emotions (sadness, pain, fear…) and manifests itself as a kind of defense mechanism. Anger is a very strong emotion that becomes a problem when we are not able to control it. Uncontrolled anger can destroy a person or even his environment, preventing him from thinking rationally and prompting him to aggressive and violent behavior. Excessive anger can wreak havoc on both physical and mental health, put an end to a person's social connections, and generally significantly reduce their quality of life.

Types of Anger

Anger can manifest itself in three different ways:

1. ANGER AS A TOOL: sometimes when we can't reach a goal, we use violence as an "easy way" to get what we want. In other words, use rage and violence as a tool to achieve a goal. Anger as a tool is usually used by people with poor self-control and poor communication skills. However, we must remember that there are other ways of persuasion.
2. ANGER AS PROTECTION: we experience anger when we intuitively interpret other people's comments or behavior as attacks, insults, or claims against us. We get offended (often for no apparent reason) and feel an irresistible urge to attack. How? With anger, which is a big mistake. In difficult situations, it is better to remain calm.
3. EXPLOSION OF ANGER: if we endure some situations that we consider unfair for a long time, suppress our emotions, trying to restrain ourselves further, we find ourselves in a dangerous vicious circle, from which we get out only when we can no longer endure. In this case, that very “last drop” is enough to “fill the cup”. In other words, in a situation where we endure for too long, even the smallest event can provoke an outburst of anger. Our patience "bursts", forcing us to anger and violence, we boil ... like a kettle.

People who often experience anger tend to have specific personality traits, such as: (they cannot understand that their desires cannot always be satisfied at their first request, these are very self-centered people), because of which they are not confident in themselves and do not control their emotions, lack of empathy(they can't put themselves in another person's shoes) and high (they don't think before they act), etc.

The way children are raised also affects how they manage anger as adults. It is very important to teach children to express their emotions from an early age so that they learn to deal with them as best as possible. In addition, teach children not to react aggressively to certain situations, do not allow the development of the “emperor syndrome” in the child. The family environment also matters: it has been noted that people who are less able to contain their anger come from troubled families in which there is no emotional closeness. .

How to control anger. Anger is an emotional reaction that can be accompanied by biological and psychological changes.

How to get rid of anger and learn to control it? How to overcome irritation and bouts of aggression? The natural intuitive reaction to anger and anger is some kind of aggressive violent action - we can start screaming, smash something or throw it ... However, this is NOT the best solution. Read on! 11 tips on how to calm anger.

1. Be aware of the situation or circumstances that may provoke your anger.

You may experience feelings of anger or rage in some extreme situation, but it is important to learn how to manage this. To learn how to manage anger, you need to understand in general what problems / situations annoy you the most, how you can avoid them (i.e. these very specific circumstances), how to do it in the best way, etc. In other words, learn to work with your own reactions.

Carefully! When I talk about avoiding situations and people, I mean very specific examples. We can’t spend our entire lives avoiding absolutely all the people and situations that make us feel uncomfortable. If we completely avoid such moments, we will not be able to resist them.

How to deal with anger: it is vital to understand that violence and aggression will not get you anywhere, in fact, it can aggravate the situation and even make you feel even worse. Pay Special attention to your reactions (you begin to feel anxious, there is a feeling that your heart is about to jump out of your chest and you are not able to control your breathing) in order to take action in time.

2. Be careful with words when you are angry. Eliminate the words “never” and “always” from your speech

When we are angry, we may say things that would not normally occur to us. Once you calm down, you won't feel the same anymore, so be careful what you say. Each of us is the master of our silence and the slave of our words.

How to deal with anger: you need to learn to reflect on the situation, look at it as objectively as possible. Try not to use these two words: "never" and "always". When you get angry and start thinking, “When this happens, I always get angry” or “I never succeed,” you are making a mistake. Try by all means to be objective and look at things optimistically. Life is a mirror that reflects our thoughts. If you look at life with a smile, she will answer you the same.

3. When you feel like you're on edge, take a deep breath.

We all need to be aware of our limits. Nobody knows you better than yourself. It is obvious that on a daily basis we can face situations, people, events that can unsettle us and rut ...

How to deal with anger: When you feel like you can't take it anymore, that you're on the edge, take a deep breath. Try to distance yourself from the situation. For example, if you are at work, go to the toilet, if you are at home, take a relaxing shower to calm your thoughts ... Take the so-called "time-out". It really helps during stressful times. If you can get out of the city - allow yourself this, escape from the daily routine and try not to think about what makes you angry. Find a way to calm down. An excellent option is a trip to nature. You will see how nature and fresh air affect your brain.

The most important thing is to get distracted, to abstract from the situation until it calms down, in order to avoid aggressive reactions and not do something that you can later regret. If you feel like crying, cry. Crying calms anger and sadness. You will understand why crying can be good for your mental health.

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neuropsychological

4. Do you know what cognitive restructuring is?

In psychology, the method is widely used cognitive restructuring. It's about replacing our irrelevant thoughts (such as our interpretations of other people's intentions) with more useful ones. In other words, you need replace it with a positive one. In this way, we can quickly eliminate the discomfort caused by various situations or circumstances, and the anger will quickly pass.

Example: You need to meet a work colleague you don't really like. You waited for an hour before he finally showed up. Since this person is unpleasant to you, you begin to think about how irresponsible he is, and that he was late on purpose to “annoy” you, and notice that you are overcome with anger.

How to deal with anger: you need to learn not to think that others are doing something in order to harm you. Give them a chance, put yourself in their place. If you allow the person to explain himself, you will understand that the reason for his lateness was good (in this particular example). Try to act reasonably and objectively.

5. Learn relaxation and breathing techniques to better manage your anger.

It is relevant to remind once again how important breathing is in moments of tension, anxiety, anger ...

How to deal with anger: Proper breathing will help relieve tension and put your thoughts in order. Close your eyes, slowly count to 10, and don't open them until you feel yourself starting to calm down. Breathe deeply and slowly, try to clear your mind, free it from negative thoughts...gradually. The most common breathing techniques are abdominal breathing and progressive muscle relaxation according to Jacobson.

If you still find it difficult to relax, imagine some pleasant calm picture, landscape or listen to music that relaxes you in your mind. How to keep calm?

Besides, try to get enough sleep at night (at least 7-8 hours), because rest and sleep promote better control of emotions, increase our mood and reduce irritability.

6. Social skills will help you deal with anger. You control anger, not the other way around

The daily situations we face require us to be able to behave appropriately with other people. It is important to be able not only to listen to others, but also to be able to keep up the conversation, to thank if they helped us, to help ourselves and enable others to give us help and support when we need them, to be able to respond correctly to criticism, no matter how unpleasant it may be ...

How to deal with anger: In order to manage and control anger better, it is important to be able to correctly interpret the information around us, to be able to listen to other people, to act under various circumstances, to accept criticism and not let frustration take hold of us. In addition, you need to be careful with unjustified accusations against others. Treat others the way you would like to be treated.

7. How to contain anger if another person is causing it

Often our anger is provoked not by events, but by people. Avoid toxic people!

In this case, it is recommended to move away from such a person until you cool down if you feel that the situation is heating up. Remember that when you hurt others, you are hurting yourself first, and that is exactly what you need to avoid.

How to deal with anger: express your displeasure quietly and calmly. More convincing is not the one who screams louder, but the one who is able to express his feelings adequately, calmly and reasonably, outlining the problems and possible solutions. It is very important to act like an adult and be able to listen to the other person's opinion and even find a compromise (whenever possible).

8. Exercise will help you “dump” negative energy and get rid of bad thoughts.

When we move or engage in some kind of physical activity, we release endorphins that help us calm down. This is another way to manage anger.

How to control anger: Move, do any exercise... Go up and down the stairs, clean your house, go out for a run, take a bike and ride around the city ... anything that somehow can increase adrenaline.

There are people who, in a fit of anger, begin to rush and beat what comes to their hand. If you feel an overwhelming urge to hit something to quickly release energy, try getting a punching bag or something similar.

9. A good way to “let go of your thoughts” is to write.

Seemingly, How can it help if you start recording something? Especially if you just had a serious fight with your loved one or loved one?

How to deal with anger: in a moment of anger, our thoughts are chaotic, and we are not able to concentrate on the situation that irritates us. Perhaps keeping a diary will help you figure out what angers you the most, how exactly you feel it, in what situations you are most vulnerable, how to and how not to act in response, how you felt after ... As time goes by, you will be able to compare your experiences and memories to understand what all these events have in common.

Example: “I can't do this anymore. I just had a fight with my boyfriend because I can't stand it when he calls me rude. Now I feel very bad, because I yelled at him and slammed the door, leaving the room. I am ashamed of my behavior." In this particular case, the girl, after reading her entry, will realize that she reacts incorrectly every time she is called “ill-mannered”, and eventually learns not to respond to this with anger and violence, because she subsequently regrets her behavior, she is ashamed.

You can even cheer yourself up or give yourself advice that can be helpful and reassuring. For example: “If I take a deep breath and count to 10, I will calm down and look at the situation differently,” “I know that I can control myself”, “I am strong, I highly value myself and will not do what I later regret.”

You can also unleash your energy through drawing, solving puzzles and crosswords, etc.

10. Laugh!

Is there a better way to relieve stress and cheer up than a good dose of laughter? It is true that when we are angry, the last thing we want to do is laugh. At this moment, we think that the whole world and all the people in it are opposed to us (which is far from reality).

How to deal with anger: although it is not easy, but still the problems look different if you treat them humorous, positive. So laugh as much as possible and at absolutely everything that comes to mind! Once you calm down, look at the situation from a different perspective. Imagine the person you were angry with in some kind of funny or amusing situation, remember the last time you laughed together. This will make it much easier for you to deal with your anger. Remember, laughter is very helpful. Laugh at life!

11. If You Think You Have Serious Anger Control Problems, See a Professional

If you replace other emotions with anger, if you notice that anger is ruining your life, that you get irritated by even the smallest things, if you cannot help screaming or wanting to hit something when you are angry, if you are unable to contain yourself in your hands and no longer know what to do, how to act in certain situations, with people, etc. … about seek help from a specialist.

How to deal with anger: a psychologist who specializes in this problem will study the problem from the very beginning and will determine how best to help you. He may suggest that you learn to control your anger through certain behaviors (such as practicing social skills) and techniques (such as relaxation techniques) so that you can deal with situations that irritate you. You can even take group therapy classes where you can meet people who are experiencing the same difficulties. This can be of great help, as you will find understanding and support among such people.

Summing up, I would like to note that we need to learn to control our emotions, especially anger. Remember that anger, whether expressed physically or verbally, can never be an excuse for bad behavior towards others.

You already know that it is not the one who shouts the loudest who is bold, but the cowardly and cowardly is not the one who is silent. Unreasonable words or stupid insults should not be listened to. Always remember that by harming others, you are harming yourself first of all.

Translation by Anna Inozemtseva

Psicóloga especializada en psicologia clinica infanto-juvenil. En continua formación para ser psicóloga sanitaria y neuropsicóloga clinica. Apasionada de la neurociencia e investigación del cerebro humano. Miembro activo de diferentes asociaciones e interesada en labores humanitarias y emergencias. A Mairena le encanta escribir articulos que puedan ayudar o inspirar.
"Magia es creer en ti mismo".

In this article, you will get 6 easy ways from a psychologist to control anger and aggression. But if emotions are constantly restrained, sooner or later they can result in illness or depression. Therefore, at the end of the article, you will learn how to safely show aggression without offending the interlocutor.

How to control anger and aggression - 6 ways

Sometimes in life we ​​are faced with a situation in which, for one reason or another, we do not allow ourselves to show aggression. Or we allow, but then we regret it. For example, we are angry at a boss or a client, but we cannot pour out this anger on him, because then we risk losing our job. A mother can be angry with a child, and a husband can be angry with his wife. If these relationships are dear to us, it’s better not to show verbal or, even more so, physical aggression, and try to restrain ourselves. So how do you deal with aggression? I present to you six ways to control anger and aggression:

Method #1: Timeout

Take a time out. If aggression arose as a result of talking with a client on the phone - just go out after the conversation, get some air, think about something pleasant, pour yourself some tea, and your brain will immediately calm down and let go of the situation. If the aggression arose on the basis of, for example, a domestic conflict, you can do the same. Warn the interlocutor that you need to leave, and when you return, you can calmly and measuredly end the conversation.

Method #2: Swap places

Put yourself in your opponent's shoes. At the very moment when anger seems to fill your entire body and seeks to break out, mentally change places with it. Mentally stand in his place and answer your questions: Why did he say so now? What does he feel at this moment? Maybe he, too, is angry or offended? Or just didn't understand me? Or maybe I need to make my point clearer? This will help you calm down. In addition, you will probably be able to look at the situation from a different point of view in this way and be able to resolve the resulting conflict.

If you are worried about conflicts with your husband or wife, read this. It tells in detail about how to quarrel properly in order to build relationships.

Method #3: Breathe

Breathe in your belly. At the moment when rage overwhelms you and it seems that your head is about to explode, pay attention to your breathing. Have you noticed how you breathe? Take a few slow breaths in and out. Breathe in your belly. This will calm your body and oxygenate your brain. The head will immediately thank you with its calmness.

Sit or lie down on your back in a quiet environment where no one will disturb you. Place your right hand on your navel and your left hand on your chest. Breathe so that only the right arm is raised. You can also put a small book on your stomach and watch it rise. Breathe deeply and slowly, belly, watch your breath. Try to slow down your thoughts. Think only of your breath. “Now I breathe in, my lungs fill with air, oxygen enters all organs ...”

This technique is also called diaphragmatic or abdominal breathing. In addition to aggression, it helps to cope with panic attacks, fears and anxieties. Read more about this in this one.

If you perform this technique daily, aggression will gradually disappear from your life once and for all.

Method #4: Visualization

At the moment when an aggressive state rolls over you, imagine yourself in a safe place. Remember a place where you felt good and carefree. It can be a sea or river shore, or a pleasant memory of how you were sitting with friends in a cafe. Imagine that you are there now.

If you are not strongly influenced by the place, then you can simply imagine being next to a person with whom you always feel good and calm. Imagine everything in detail: how you are dressed, what you are doing, what the situation is around. Returning to reality, your brain will let go of aggression.

Method #5: Logic

Turn on logic. Aggression, like all emotions, originates in the right hemisphere of the brain. The left hemisphere is responsible for logic. If you turn on the logic and try to analyze the current situation, the left hemisphere will activate, and the work of the right will slow down. The brain will let go of the emotion of anger, and you will calm down. In addition, analyzing the situation will probably allow you to resolve it.

Method #6: The Perfect Brawl

Quarrel properly. Fighting is a great way to resolve conflict. Ideally, a fight is always the starting point for a relationship to develop. The correct fight looks like this.

First, it excludes the word "you". For constructive conflict, you need to fully focus on yourself. In psychology, this is called "you-message" (or statement) and "I-message". As a rule, people communicate exclusively with the help of “you-statements”: “you did everything wrong!”, “It's all because of you!”, “You are to blame for everything!”. This approach is fundamentally wrong, this quarrel will have no meaning, except for the expression of insults and reproaches by the interlocutors in relation to each other.

Start a fight using the I-statement: “I didn’t like that you…”, “I was upset because…”, “It hurts me to see…”, “I am not happy that…”. These words are already filled with emotions coming from you. The interlocutor already sees that he did something unpleasant to you. If he has even a little sympathy, then he will definitely hear you.

The main essence of the correct quarrel is that in it you, instead of shifting responsibility to another, concentrate on yourself. On their feelings, emotions, experiences associated with this conflict. Your interlocutor will immediately feel it. Suddenly, you stop blaming him and talk about your feelings. This will shift the angle of the conflict in the opposite direction and quickly bear fruit.

The scheme of the correct quarrel is as follows:

1. You express the reason for your indignation with the help of "I-statements"
2. Connect your emotions
3. Discuss possible alternative behaviors of the interlocutor

For example: “I didn’t like that you came so late. It upsets me. I would like you to think of me and come on time next time.”

First of all, you calmly convey to the interlocutor the reason for your indignation, express constructively what did not suit you in this matter. Then make sure you get your point across. If you are sure that the interlocutor heard and understood everything correctly, then you also calmly and measuredly express to him how you would like to eliminate your indignation. What needs to be done to make it the way you want, and why. If you do this all based on feelings and emotions (say what makes you uncomfortable and what would make you happy), then the interlocutor will not only be imbued with your feelings, but will probably do everything to resolve the situation in a way that is favorable for you.

How to Safely Be Aggressive Without Offending

I have shared with you ways to show how to deal with aggression. I hope that you will not just read them, but write it down for yourself, memorize or bookmark the page and apply these methods in difficult situations. But know that any unexpressed emotions always find a way out. That is, they inevitably pour into something. They, like energy, do not appear from nowhere and do not go nowhere. That is why you need to, after applying one of the proposed methods of restraining aggression, tell the interlocutor calmly and measuredly about what made you angry. Say what exactly it was unpleasant for you to hear or what actions of this person you did not like and why.

If these words are spoken calmly and with reason, using the “I-message” and applying the correct quarrel method, they will be understood and heard by anyone, whether it be a taxi driver, boss, wife, child or store clerk.

So you can determine for yourself what exactly hurts you. You will understand how and when people create a situation for you where you start to get angry, and you can regulate this process.

How to express aggression - 3 ways to release emotions

So, any emotion always finds a way out. If you have not let it come out, it will find a way out in your body. And emotions such as anger, fear, sadness, if we hold them back, destroy the body from the inside. Over time, this can manifest itself in the form of illness or depression.

If you don't want the sickness consequences of repressing aggression, read on for how to safely vent your emotions.

Here, you restrained your anger, and then, if possible, said in words to the interlocutor that you did not like it. The last step is to give your aggression an outlet in action, find a way for you to express anger through the reaction of the body.

The best and guaranteed way is sport. Running, fitness, wrestling, dancing, jumping. An activity that brings you pleasure and at the same time works with the body, such as drawing, modeling, knitting, can also help. You can beat pillows or a pear.

Shout out loud to your heart's content. In a closed car, in a forest, in a field, by a pond. If you want to cry, cry.

One of my acquaintances periodically goes to the river, where there is no one, beats his chest with his fists and screams loudly. This method works great too.

In general, find your favorite emotional release method and use it regularly. You will feel relieved and your body will thank you.

Safety, yours and other people's - this is the main boundary of the expression of aggression. Everything that does not go beyond this border can and should be done. Don't let yourself suppress your emotions. Give them a safe exit.

If you read this article not for fun, but to really understand yourself, pay attention to the article about.

Conclusion

So, now you know much better how to restrain anger and aggression, as well as how to quarrel properly and release aggression after a quarrel. Let's summarize. If you feel like aggression is rolling over you, you need to go through three steps:

• In a moment of conflict, when you feel like raising your voice or arguing, use one of the methods that show you how to deal with aggression. For example, mentally stand in the place of the interlocutor. Visualize yourself in a safe place or with a nice person. Where you feel good. Take a timeout or turn on the logic. Also, diaphragmatic breathing is great.

• After that, calmly talk to the interlocutor using the method of correct quarreling. Apply the "I-message". Forget the word "you", take responsibility for yourself. Use the "I-message" to state the reason for your resentment. Then add the feelings or emotions that come to you. And in the end - come up with alternative options for the behavior of the interlocutor in this situation. Tell him how pleased you would be if he did this instead of this. Make no mistake, it works. If you do this technique correctly, calmly and with reason, your interlocutor will not only hear you, but also listen. He probably won't do it again. And if you always apply the method of correct quarreling, then the people around you will eventually reflect you and, imperceptibly for themselves, will also begin to quarrel correctly.
• After using any method of restraining aggression, despite how you managed to resolve the conflict, in the evening or the next day, be sure to give vent to your emotions by going to the gym or running in the forest, at the same time becoming even more beautiful and happier.

And don't forget to download my book How to Love Yourself. In it, I have collected the most working techniques with which I myself once raised my self-esteem, became confident and fell in love with myself. This book will not only help you learn to stand up for your boundaries without showing aggression, but in general will make your life happier.

I wish you to learn how to contain anger and aggression, and also give them a safe outlet. If you need individual help in dealing with your own aggression, you can contact me for psychological help. We will analyze together where your aggression comes from, and I will help you learn how to build safe and harmonious relationships with others.

You can book a consultation with me via in contact with, instagram or . You can get acquainted with the cost of services and the scheme of work.

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Take care of each other and be happy!
Your psychologist Lara Litvinova