What if I'm a coward. I'm a coward by nature and don't know what to do

Cowardice is a concept that has a negative social assessment, implying a person’s lack of mental strength to perform the necessary actions or decisions, to maintain a firm position in a situation of experiencing emotional fear and extreme incidents. Cowardice, as a quality of a person, is not a concept synonymous with fear, since fear and horror serve as mechanisms for survival, orientation in the world around them, they are natural and regular, while a person retains the direction of movement. Fear corrects actions, makes you be more attentive, take into account more different features, and possibly change your strategy for achieving. Cowardice deprives the ability to perceive the situation objectively and stops all human activity. Usually, the forward movement of people with a predominance of cowardice has a forced character, because in many situations they stop not only their own forward movement, but also the movement of the entire team.

Everyone shows cowardice, but those for whom this trait becomes leading are called cowards. It is useless to fight such reactions with an effort of will, it is only possible to develop one's own courage, as a quality opposite to cowardice.

What it is

The definition of cowardice in any sources implies an attitude to this quality as a weakness, and a condemned, criminal weakness. This is explained by the fact that under the influence of emotions a person is capable of any action, sometimes a high degree of cowardice can push for serious crimes. It turns out that fear can indeed have a strong stimulating effect, but when there is a trait of cowardice in a person, this takes on destructive forms.

Betrayal often stands next to the destructive forms of manifestation of cowardice, because, without having the internal stamina to withstand pressure from outside, a person’s opinion will change to suit the circumstances with the sole purpose of avoiding personal negative consequences. Cowardice excludes personal responsibility, the ability to reasonably make decisions about any actions, all human activity is subject to fear. It is especially worth noting that fear can arise due to a real threat or far-fetched problems, but it is experienced by a person in the same way.

It is worth carefully distinguishing between cowardice and caution, attentiveness, accuracy - a temporary retreat, waiting for an opportune moment, have nothing to do with stopped activity, meaning rather tactics. Cowardice does not want to look closely and look for solutions, it is not able to wait or be attentive - this is a vivid instinctive feeling that turns a person into a run when the source approaches.

There is a wary and contemptuous attitude towards cowards in society, since one cannot expect reliability from a person. They are the first to escape, leaving the weak and helpless in trouble, resorting to lies and sabotage for their own safety and gain, it happens that because of the fear of revealing secrets, murders were committed. A coward is not a reliable person for a joint activity or a worthwhile relationship. After all, the main ability is missing - the processing of internal fear.

In a normal situation of development and with a harmonious personality, a person is able to process his own experiences, highlight the main values on the basis of moral norms, ethical principles, and not instinctive direct reactions. In a coward, the limiting factors of internal principles are absent, allowing instincts to guide behavior. Many believe that cowardice is the most terrible vice that lowers a person to the level of an animal, and the options for comparisons from the animal kingdom are also not entirely flattering, since among lions, wolves, elephants there is a tendency to protect their relatives, and not cowardly flight.

Cowardice helps a person to get away from solving important social and life tasks. Procrastination, constant entertainment, aimless pastime are the tools of activity, the use of which organizes a cowardly avoidance of encountering unpleasant, but requiring participation moments.

The problem of human cowardice

The problem of such a manifestation as cowardice has a long history of philosophical and military disputes, this issue was raised by Socrates. Unfortunately, there is no single clear understanding of what constitutes cowardice, despite the rather clear definition of the word. Now, each individual social group has its own understanding of which of them is a coward and this is not due to the substitution of concepts, it’s just that for some it’s someone who doesn’t make decisions quickly, for others a mother who doesn’t stand up for her son, and for others a traitor to the motherland. Different categories of values and the general cultural level of society determine cowards.

In wartime, the attitude towards cowards was quite harsh - they could be executed or imprisoned for life. The meaning of this was to protect the bulk of the population, because in a war, the instability of the internal forces of one person can cost millions of lives and the freedom of an entire nation. Less severe punishments, but always present in every society and at any time - this is a necessity that ensures the protection of all individuals. This is an artificial mechanism developed over millennia aimed at the survival of the species. There is a punishment for cowardice on all continents, regardless of whether the nation is high-tech in its development or it is a tribe devoid of connection with civilization.

Cowardice is an exclusively human problem, since this is absent in the manifestation of the animal world. The mechanism that regulates the existence of a species makes animals, when danger approaches, first of all notify their relatives, despite drawing attention to themselves and risking their lives.

The more opportunities a person gets for a separate existence, the higher the likelihood of developing cowardice in society. No one cares about the general well-being, since it does not affect the individual, and the point is solely in maintaining one's position. This trend makes the concept of cowardice more vague, but does not cancel the contemptuous attitude of the public towards manifestations of spiritual weakness. Initially, deserters and military traitors were called cowards, those who did not want to go hunting and risk their lives to feed the tribe, that is, cowards - those who directly threaten the lives of many people at once. This memory of the inadmissibility of cowardly behavior is fixed at the genetic level, only now the manifestations of this quality become completely different in modern society.

Increasing emphasis in peacetime is placed on the moral side of the process of cowardice, that is, it is no longer the absence of active actions, but avoiding conversation, the inability to take responsibility, changing life in a radical way. Even a simple meeting can show a coward, for example, by the fact that he does not come to it, knowing that important things will be discussed. Personal immaturity becomes the cause of an increasing manifestation of moral cowardice in a person - people refuse children, leave families because of fear of responsibility, make critical mistakes or skip promising work, fearing a further increase in responsibility.

The problem of human cowardice remains relevant and changes along with the social restructuring of the main social models of interaction and the immediate real civil situation. One cannot take as a starting point those examples that spoke of cowardice several centuries ago, because perhaps now there are simply no conditions for manifestation, but others have appeared and there is a need to create new criteria.

Examples

A coward manifests himself as passivity, and any active actions are aimed solely at avoiding some other, required, but perceived as dangerous. Vivid and unforgivable examples of cowardly behavior appear in wartime, when a fully capable person shirks from service. It can also be desertion from the battlefield, self-shot wounds for the speedy transfer to the hospital, the surrender of one's colleagues to the enemy in exchange for promises to save lives.

In crisis situations, cowardice is manifested by the lack of participation of a person in resolving a common cause or misfortune. So a coward can refer to a sudden weakness in a fire, suddenly remembering unfinished business at home, when a friend needs help in protecting himself from offenders.

Risk aversion can be both a manifestation of prudence and cowardice - the main thing is to take into account the context of the situation. If a person is paralyzed with fear and refuses to jump on a rope from a bridge, then this may be a completely logical decision. But refusing to parachute out of a burning plane is not justified either by the preservation of life or a decision dictated by common sense, moreover, a person who refuses to jump delays the queue and endangers others.

A coward will not go to his superiors to find out problems related to payment, for fear of losing his job. The guy will not stand up for his girlfriend, fearing a fight with boors or anti-social groups. A friend will not speak words of encouragement to his comrade in the presence of a large number of critics or even one significant person.

Everyone has weaknesses, on which human behavior depends. In any case, there is a betrayal of some universal or social values for the sake of fears and one's own illusory well-being. The illusion lies in the fact that by constantly running away from problems, a coward not only does not solve the situation in favor of change, but also contributes to aggravation.

An inferiority complex and low self-esteem are extremely negative phenomena that have a depressing effect on a person's life. Those who suffer from an inferiority complex (IU) believe that they have some kind of physical or psychological flaw, that others are better and superior to them. In this article, we will not talk about low self-esteem in general, but about a specific type of the “weakling” complex.

The “weakling complex” is a complex characteristic of men. Its essence is that for one reason or another, a person believes in his weakness in comparison with other male individuals.

The “weakling complex” usually originates from childhood. If a boy at school age had a thin physique and did not have outstanding achievements in physical culture (he could not pull himself up or do push-ups, he did not play football or climb a rope very well), and also could not boast of victories in fights between peers, then he would rather will grow up with a feeling of inferiority. Oils are added to the fire by ridicule of classmates, and what is even worse - classmates. If the boy's parents tease him about his thinness or physical weakness, then the child's psyche will be severely harmed.

Nowadays, a child grows not only under the influence of parents and friends, but also under the powerful influence of television and the Internet. Day after day, the ideal of what a real man should be is formed in the mind of a small person. If we look at the films on which the last two generations grew up, we see a cult of violence all the time. Everywhere the subtext is encrypted: "a man is first of all a warrior and a fighter who must be able to kill and love to do it." If you don't know how or don't like to fight, you're not a man. Look at the movie stars of the 80s and 90s: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Bruce Lee, Chuck Norris, Vann Damm, Steven Seagal, Stallone. All of them gained fame precisely because of the well-played scenes of fights or gunfights. It was the films with these actors that were reviewed dozens of times, it was these actors that were depicted on the wall posters decorating the rooms of the younger schoolchildren. The author of this article is in no way trying to belittle the achievements or doubt the skill and talent of these wonderful people. I just want to show that for the last 30 years, cinema has exalted precisely the cult of violence.

Even if we take very recent times and domestic Russian cinema, we can see that the picture has not changed, but worsened. Instead of an athlete and an athlete fighting evil, a bandit is being cultivated who does this evil. Look at "Boomer", "Brigade", and indeed any film about the events of the "dashing 90s". Bandits are shown in them as prosperous, successful people, driving expensive foreign cars and living in huge mansions. How different do you think the crime situation in our country would be if, instead of these “fairy tales”, they showed documentary footage about real criminals, mutilated corpses left after gang wars, blown up cars, prisons and prisoners on TV?

All this information firmly "bites" into the child's psyche and he grows up with a clear ideal of a man, that is, a clear picture of what he should be. He must be able to hurt, hit, insult. Of course, much depends on the family and environment in which the boy grows up, but it is very difficult to completely avoid brainwashing.
People, as you know, are not animals, and in every person mother nature has a barrier that does not allow us to harm others. Remember how bad and disgusting you felt after you insulted or yelled at someone, not to mention hitting. Every person has such a feeling, but the degree of influence on actions is different. It’s easy for someone to kill, for someone it’s hard to even say something unpleasant about a person to his face. Now let's see what happens. In the head of a person there is an ideal "male fighter". If it is difficult for a person to offend another, to harm him (which is absolutely normal and correct), then another statement is born in his head: “I can’t harm, so I’m not a fighter.” And if I'm not a fighter, then I'm not a man. Do you understand? Here is an inferiority complex for you, in particular, a “weakling complex”. 85% of men suffer from this phenomenon. It is this complex that makes most men attend gyms, boxing, and hunting. Who is lazier - just insults and humiliates those who are weaker than him, trying to return his self-esteem to its place.

How to deal with it? How to solve the problem? There are two ways. The first is to become a fighter. Start boxing or wrestling, and train seriously and regularly. Then a chain will line up in my head: “I am a fighter, which means I am a real man!” And you will be happy! There is a second way, the correct one. To understand that it is impossible to inflict pain and violence, and that your aversion to them is absolutely natural and is present in everyone (except for patients in a madhouse). Understand that the image of a fighter was imposed on you by the media or the environment. To understand that you do not live in the cinema, but in real life, and that the fight does not end in a triumphant victory and the sympathy of women who admire you, but in a wheelchair or a long term in prison, and if you are especially lucky, in a cemetery.

My name is Pavel. I will turn 18 this year. I study at school, in the 11th grade.
Since childhood, I have been unable to stand up for myself. I've never been in a fight and I'm afraid of it. I am afraid that I will be maimed, beaten, killed. I also noticed that since childhood I have developed hemophobia (fear of blood). Even as a child, if I cut myself or see someone else's blood, I felt bad, I freaked out. It's the same now. As a child, I was afraid of the dark, of heights, but now I am not afraid of all this. And the fear of blood I had, and remained. Although in my life I have cut and wounded no matter how much. And when I was 10 years old, they even cut out my adenoids. There was a lot of blood then. But still, I could not get rid of this phobia. Every time I see blood, I get dizzy, nauseous. Therefore, I still worry when I go to donate blood, especially from a finger. After I donate blood from a finger, the same thing starts again: dizziness, nausea and almost loss of consciousness. I remember one time I accidentally broke my nose. I didn't bleed, but I still felt very sick. That is, as you can see, my hemophobia is developed at a high level.
Also, I seem to have a lower pain threshold. Any pain seems more severe to me than for a person with an average or high BP. For example. My parents calmly take heated plates out of the microwave with their bare hands. I have only to touch this plate, as I immediately burn my hands (or fingers). And if I hold it for 10 seconds, I may get a burn, while my parents do not. In the cold, my limbs also quickly freeze. My classmates, for example, stand quietly on the street and smoke, holding a cigarette in their bare hand. Even if it's -20 outside. I should hold my hand in the cold for half a minute in order to have time to freeze it up to the loss of sensitivity. Any scratch, any blow feels very painful to me, and the pain can last for a long time.
Because of all of the above, I am very afraid of fights. I used to go to judo, but I left there because. I was afraid of pain, and also because of my poor health (I have problems with my heart and respiratory system). Sometimes during training, my breath and heart made themselves felt. Now I only go to the gym, and then I do it with very great care (why, I already wrote).
I don't have a girlfriend and never have. And I think it's because of my cowardice. Girls love strong-willed guys who can protect. And I, apparently, the complete opposite of this. It seems to me that if I have a girlfriend and she finds out about my weakness, then she will immediately leave me (they say he is a coward, a rag, why do I need this?).
How to be in my case? What if I don't know how to fight and don't want to fight?

Adolescents offend weak or sickly peers. The same can not answer anything in return, taking humiliation for granted. As a result, they close in on themselves and follow the lead of cowardice, without taking any action to change the situation. The problem of physical weakness is easier to solve. It is enough just to enroll in the section of weightlifting, bodybuilding, boxing and other sports that focus on the development of strength abilities and the ability to stand up for yourself. A few months of regular and focused training will help you gain the necessary strength for self-defense.

Overcoming the psychological cause of cowardice is often more difficult than the physical one. The surest way is to face your fears. Take a sheet of paper and a pen. Sit down and calmly consider what you are afraid of. Recall all the life situations in which fears got the better of you and prevented you from achieving success. Write down all your fears in order from most important to least important. Recorded? Now look at the three most insignificant situations in which you have shown cowardice. Try to recreate similar situations in the next two or three days and act in them as you would like. After you manage to overcome cowardice, praise yourself and celebrate your success. Go from overcoming minor fears to major ones. Over time, you will notice how your psychological has increased.

Reinforce your achievements with positive affirmations. Every morning after waking up and in the evening before going to bed, say to yourself: “I am confident in myself and my abilities. I am brave and strong. I achieve everything in life that I aspire to. You can repeat the affirmations to yourself, or better yet, out loud while standing in front of a mirror. Reading affirmations helps to overcome the psychological barriers that have arisen in your mind during a bad experience.

note

With phobias associated with fear of the dark, confined spaces, etc., you should seek help from a psychologist or psychotherapist.

Cowardice is generated by fears, which, to one degree or another, arise in every person. As a rule, there are always people who say that they are not afraid of anything. In fact, their fears have not gone away, these people just know how to curb them.

Instruction

If you constantly live with an eye to the opinions of others, then you can hardly boast that you are an independent person. Someone else's opinion makes you live under the dictation of common stereotypes in the spirit of “men are not”, “an apartment, a summer house and a car are a sign of success”, etc. Listen to your own opinion. To do this, tell yourself daily that you have the courage to do what you want, not your relatives and friends.

But to curb self-hypnosis alone is not enough. You need to prove to yourself that those encouraging phrases that you repeat every day are not unfounded. To begin with, do something for the sake of sports interest. For example, write a resume and send it to a holding company known throughout the country or a large organization. No matter what answer you get, the main thing is that you were able to overcome the fear.

After each bold step or little step, be sure to praise yourself. After all, if you manage to be brave in small things, then in the future it will be easier for you to make big decisions. Praise will be an incentive for you to believe in your own strength. By the way, after you start to cheer yourself up with warm words, others will also admire you. Accept with gratitude not only their compliments, but also the help that they may want to offer you.

The larger the conquered peaks, the more chances to stumble. Take it for granted that everyone who strives for something makes mistakes in one way or another. There is no one who would consider that he lived his life perfectly, and if there is, then most likely this person is not completely sincere with himself. Mistakes give you experience, which forms the basis for a new bold step. By making mistakes, you become more determined, but only if you can learn the right lesson from the mistake.

Keep calm

Excessive emotional tension can negatively affect making a bold decision. If you are faced with the task of solving a complex problem, you must try to control your emotional state. If you feel discomfort, cannot calm down and are nervous, postpone this work for a while.

Weigh the pros and cons. Prepare a backup plan

It will be easier to make a bold decision on any complex issue if you have all the information about it. If your actions are very important, rely only on logic, do not act at random. Weigh the risks that you are going to take, consider the positive and negative aspects of your actions. When making bold decisions, it is very important to see in advance what you are risking and what dividends you will receive later, this greatly facilitates the work.

Another way to make it easier to make a bold and important decision is to prepare a backup plan of action. Be prepared for any negative, unplanned results. If you know in advance your actions in certain cases, it will be easier to make decisions.

If, after you make a decision, new information appears that changes your plans, do not be afraid to abandon your actions. Bold decisions are often difficult to make, but should not be seen as final.

Influence on others

Before making any bold decision, consider how it will affect the people around you. This can greatly change your plans. See if there are negative consequences for your friends and loved ones. To reduce such risks and therefore gain more confidence in your actions, enlist their support. So you will take into account the maximum of moments, and it will be much easier and safer to make a decision. What seems to be the only right decision may not be the best one. Even if you are completely confident in yourself, and the chosen course of action promises great success, consider alternative paths. Make a complete list of these paths, and then rate each one. For ease of evaluation, the list can be physically written out on a piece of paper. You can always turn down these options, but don't dismiss them without considering them.

Give yourself time. Important and bold decisions should not be hasty.

Take responsibility

Take responsibility for and be prepared to stand up for it. If things don't go the way you planned, you'll know that the decision was conscious and made responsibly.

Calm, only calm

Communication with the fair sex is a pleasant pastime, and not a responsible task that you should never fail, otherwise you will be covered with indelible shame. If you do not perceive a conversation with a person you like as the only chance you have in your life to find a life partner, it will be much easier for you to behave more boldly. Remember that even if this time you fail, and the conversation does not work out, you can, citing business, leave your lady and make another attempt at the next meeting.

Appearance

Your appearance may be quite pleasant to others, but if you personally do not like the way you look, this will interfere with calm communication with the opposite sex. The solution is very simple - do everything to please yourself. Go in for sports, change your hairstyle or dye your hair, buy stylish clothes and new shoes, get a piercing or tattoo that you have long dreamed of. If you feel attractive, it will affect how you communicate. It will be easier for you to approach girls and talk to them. And even if changes in your appearance seem to be successful only for you, self-confidence will still make you more successful.

broad outlook

The fear that the conversation will not go well stops many guys. Indeed, in order to interest the person you like, it is not enough to come up and say “hello”, you need to come up with an interesting topic for conversation. The way out of this situation is very simple - expand your horizons. Read books, watch the latest movies, flip through magazines, attend concerts, periodically browse news sites. Be open to new things, and then you will have something to say during a conversation. Even if you do not have common interests, you can retell the plot of the novel that you liked, or ask your lady what she thinks about deforestation in Madagascar.

For the walls to help

If you've asked a girl out on a date, meet her in a familiar setting. It can be a cafe where you regularly visit, or a park where you know the location of all the paths. In a familiar environment, you can feel like the master of the situation, help the girl navigate and tell her what is best to order or where to go to admire the picturesque landscape.

Today I will tell you how to deal with fears and how to overcome your fear. Fears are a kind of manifestation of the instinct of self-preservation. They help to avoid some really dangerous situations (like depth or height), but often prevent you from making an important decision or taking a necessary action.

For example, having any talent, you can be afraid to demonstrate it to the general public all your life and lose the chance to succeed. Or, being dissatisfied with their work, they are afraid to change something - talk to their superiors, or simply change it or start their own business.

The same happens with protracted relationships that do not bring happiness. All these fears stand in the way of something new, but, on the other hand, help maintain a certain stability.
It is by defeating your fear, leaving your comfort zone, that you can embark on the path of development and achieve success.

For this reason, great attention has been paid to the fight against fears at all times. In ancient teachings, martial arts, modern psychology, there are many practices and techniques with which you can realize and overcome fear. Therefore, many people think about how to overcome fear and self-doubt. Below I will give recipes for dealing with fear and anxiety.

The first recipe for dealing with fear

First you need to find your fear, in which part of the body it is hiding. Most often this is the head area, the inner surfaces of the elbows or popliteal fossae. Focusing on fear, you need to take a sharp breath, expelling fear from its hiding place. The clearer the picture and the more real the feeling of fear, the more effective this technique.

Recipe two

It is also based on deep exhalation. Having done it, you need to pull in your chin a little and take a decisive step towards meeting the perceived danger. If it is very scary, you can take two breaths and exhale, but no more, otherwise the effect disappears. This technique was used by samurai, and they had to cope with serious difficulties.

Recipe three

This method, like the first, is associated with the visualization of fear. It is necessary to track in which part of the body, with fear, the muscle tone weakens and strain it. Sometimes the fight against the consequences helps to cope with the cause.

Recipe Four

It is taken from reflexology. To defeat fear, it is effective to influence the Tien Fu and Xiabai points. Tien Fu is the P3 point according to international nomenclature, the third point of the lung meridian. It is located between the elbow bend and the axillary crease. To find it, you can use a simple technique. In the Chinese measuring system there is such a unit - cun. Three cun are equal to the diameter of four fingers (except the thumb) of the right hand for women and left-handers and left hand for men. So tian fu is located in the biceps area, 6 cun from the elbow and 3 cun from the armpit.

Xiabai, the fourth point of the lung meridian, is located not far from tien fu, 1 cun below it. One cun is the distance between the first and second interphalangeal folds of the third finger, or the width of the first phalanx of the thumb. Which hand to measure - the rules are the same. It is better to work with both points at the same time.
If a feeling of fear arises, you need to rub the skin in the area of \u200b\u200bthese points until unpleasant sensations of a pulling nature appear. First on one hand, then on the other. Stimulation of points helps with many situations besides fear - pain in the heart, depression, and other disorders of psychological balance.
The impact on the points is recommended to be combined with special breathing. It consists of a two-stage exhalation. First, the main part of the air is exhaled sharply and quickly with the sound “hu”, and then a long, maximally complete exhalation follows. Usually it takes 2-3 such breaths and a few seconds of working with points.
Do not forget about the point zu-san-li or E36. It has a wide range of effects on the body, and will help overcome fear. It is located at the outer edge of the kneecap.
There is another point, the massage of which helps in the fight against fear. It is known from martial arts and is located about 5 cm below the navel.

Recipe five

Russian warriors had their own way of dealing with fear. They growled. Not loudly and intimidatingly, but quietly, for yourself, in order to feel the inner vibration that drives away fear.

Recipe six

This method is suitable for people with rich imagination. You can imagine yourself as some kind of superhero who is not afraid of anything and stop being afraid too.

Seventh way

You need to get ahead of fear. That is, as soon as it begins to emerge, immediately act, preventing it from growing to a serious scale.

Eighth method

You can train yourself not to be afraid. That is, periodically intentionally create or fall into a situation that frightens. Gradually, a habit will arise, and the fear will either go away completely, or become much less pronounced. For example, if you are afraid of heights, you can climb mountains or on a roof, it is better not to be alone at first in order to insure against panic attacks. If we are talking about psychological discomfort, you can first imagine a frightening situation, predicting all possible negative consequences and internally prepare for them.

Recipe Nine

A variety of training are extreme sports (freestyle, skydiving, rock climbing).

Regularly experiencing quite understandable fear and adrenaline rushes, in other situations it becomes not so scary, and the body gets used to adrenaline.

Recipe ten

In the fight against fear and to increase vitality in general, holding your breath helps a lot. And both on exhalation and on inhalation. This contributes to the development of resistance to hypoxia and adrenaline, and hence to panic.

Recipe Eleven

An aggravated version of the previous method is suffocation, that is, breath holding and hypoxia occur when clamping
airways and carotid arteries. The principle of action is the same, hypoxia and increased resistance to adrenaline. Such experiments are best done in company with someone, so as not to overdo it by chance.

Recipe twelfth

The most effective way to get used to adrenaline rushes is to simulate serious stressful situations. This may be a long stay under water or in a closed room, for example, in a dark cellar, an attack by dangerous animals.

After such situations, the body will not respond to petty fears. And lastly, remember. Courage is not the absence of fear, but the ability to act in spite of it. .

Portal for the student. Self-training