Condolences on the occasion of death are usually expressed laconicly. But sometimes it can be unbearably difficult for us to pick up even these few phrases. Any words seem empty and banal, we are afraid to open fresh wounds in the hearts of relatives and friends who have just lost a dear person. However, it is worth gathering your strength, finding simple and delicate words of sympathy that will sound informal, sincere and cordial. It’s not for nothing that they say: “Shared grief is half grief.”

The words "condolence", "sympathy", "empathy" speak for themselves. We say them to share the pain of loss with the loved ones of the deceased, to make it clear that we are also shocked by the sad news that we mourn and grieve with them. Condolence is not only words of sympathy and consolation, but also a presence nearby, a willingness to help. Sometimes, in order to express empathy, it is enough to emotionally hug the mourner, take the hand and be silent for a few moments or even cry together.

You may find some tips useful:

1. Do not come up with any special, ornate and pathetic phrases. They may sound fake and insincere. No need to speak long. Protracted condolences can cause a person who has not yet come to terms with the bitterness of loss, only tears.
2. When choosing words of condolence, think about how you feel in connection with the sad event, who the deceased was for you, what kind and warm memories are associated with him. Feel free to show your feelings. And do not forget to offer all possible assistance to the family of the deceased.
3. Pray for the repose of the soul of the departed person, ask God to grant strength of mind and comfort to his family. Surely, after that, sincere and cordial phrases of sympathy will not need to be invented. They will come by themselves.
4. When expressing condolences, try to speak with restraint and calmly, do not cry, do not lament. A surge of your emotions can cause a response in the mourner, exacerbate his grief and mental suffering.
5. Arriving at the house of the deceased with a visit of condolences, you should not ask in detail about the reasons for what happened, argue that the tragedy could have been prevented in one way or another, look for “positive” moments in death (for example, say: “it’s better for him, he was exhausted” , - if a person died from a serious illness).
6. The phrases “I understand how hard it is for you”, “I know how bitter you are” may sound insincere. You cannot know the depth of another person's suffering. It would be more correct to say: “I am shocked by this sad news”, “I sympathize with you”, “for me this is also a heavy loss”, “I grieve with you”.
7. Do not comfort the grieving future. The words: “you will still have children”, “you are young, you will get married again”, “time heals everything”, “do not be sad, everything will pass, everything will be fine” and the like are not only stupid, empty and insincere, but also tactless . In the acute stage of grief, a person is simply not able to think about the future, any statements on this topic seem like a betrayal and cause heartache.
8. Wishes: “try to take care of yourself”, “go to work soon”, “I hope you manage to come to terms with the loss”, “I wish you to recover as soon as possible” - also sound formal, ridiculous and tactless.
9. It is desirable to express condolences on the occasion of death orally. It is permissible to say words of empathy and consolation by phone, in a letter or SMS message if for one reason or another you cannot attend the funeral ceremony.
10. If you are close friends with the family of the deceased, but could not be at the funeral, visit them as soon as possible and say words of sympathy. This is usually done within one and a half to two weeks after the funeral. But not in the first three days.
11. Relatives and close friends usually come to the house of the deceased for a condolence visit before the funeral, colleagues, classmates, classmates and distant acquaintances say words of sympathy at the farewell ceremony or after the memorial dinner.

How to express condolences on death:

relatives

• Maria Andreevna, please accept our condolences. Roman was a very dear and close person to us. It's hard to believe what happened. We share your loss and mourn with you. Tell me how can we help?
• Pyotr Ivanovich, Tamara Igorevna, we sympathize with you. This sad news shocked us. Nikolai was the soul of our team, one of the best. Please accept help.
• Irina Petrovna, Alexander Ivanovich, Oleg, condolences. Vasily Alexandrovich was a bright and sincere person, he supported me more than once in word and deed. For me, this is an irreparable loss. I pray for the repose of the soul of Vasily Alexandrovich with you. Let me be there and share the sad chores in these difficult days. How can I help?

close

• I sympathize with you, Andrei, Olga. What happened seems unthinkable, impossible. We are close I was friends with Larisa, and it will be hard for me to come to terms with this unfair loss. Larisa was not just a spiritual friend for me - a kindred person. Tell me, how can I be useful these days?
• Please accept our condolences. For us, the departure of Igor Nikolayevich is also a huge loss. We will always remember Igor Nikolaevich as a bright and sincere person. We grieve and pray for the repose of his soul. Let me be with you in these sad days. Ready to provide any assistance.
• Elena Petrovna, let me share the burden of your loss and help organize the funeral. The fact that Alexander left so suddenly is very difficult news, in which the mind refuses to believe. Sasha and I are school friends. He was a kind person, a wonderful friend and class leader. It is only thanks to Sasha that we, classmates, have not lost each other over the past years. We grieve with you.

family

• Timofei Ilyich, Anna Mikhailovna, I sincerely sympathize with you. For me, the death of Mary is also an unbearable grief. Masha valued her family very much. Yes, and for me your home has always been home. Let me still visit you. How can I help?
• Nikolai Ivanovich, Elena Alexandrovna, condolences to your trouble. Unfortunately, we did not know you during Alexander's lifetime. He spoke of you so warmly and lovingly, he was proud that he had such wonderful parents. Alexander will forever remain in my memory as a true friend and an incredibly positive person. Can't believe he's gone. Let me help with the funeral.
• We understand that there are no words that could console you today, Marina Vladimirovna. We are colleagues and subordinates of Timur Andreevich. Your husband was a bright man, a wise mentor, a fair leader, he supported and helped in everything ... It will not be easy for us to come to terms with the death of Timur Andreevich. Let me share your grief, help and be with you in these difficult days.

What words to express condolences in prose

How to Express Condolences to a Mother

• Dear Anna Fedorovna, I sincerely sympathize with your grief. For me, your daughter was more than just a friend - a family and close person. The memory of Lyudmila in my heart forever. Let me be with you in these difficult days.
• Irina Ivanovna, please accept our condolences. It is impossible to believe and reconcile, it hurts to speak ... Blessed memory to Andrey. You can always count on our help.
• Maria Alexandrovna, dear, condolences with all my heart. Your son was a reliable friend and sincere person. I understand: any words today will not lessen your grief. Let me share with you the bitterness of loss, to be near. Ready to provide any help.

How to express condolences to a friend

• Nadyusha, how painful and bitter - not to express. Your mother was also close to me. Brace yourself, my dear. And just know that I'm always there.
• I grieve and cry with you, Anechka. Such unexpected and terrible news ... Lidia Petrovna was an unusually sincere and loving woman. How impossible it is to speak bitterly about your mother in the past tense ... Let me share grief with you and help.
• Condolences, dear. For me, the death of Petr Andreevich is also a heavy loss. Your dad was a great soul man. I will always remember him with gratitude. Ready to help in everything.

How to express condolences to a colleague

• Cyril, please accept my sincere condolences. I know that the departure of my mother is the most bitter loss. And any words here are powerless. Blessed memory of Tatyana Ivanovna. Be strong.
• Anton, condolences. We understand how hard you are going through the death of your brother. Please accept our help.
• Irina, we sincerely share your grief, for you this is a very heavy loss. We remember how cordially your husband received us as a guest ... We grieve with you. We are ready to help with the organization of the funeral and memorial dinner.

How to express condolences in writing

• Dear Antonina Vasilievna! I deeply regret and mourn the passing of your mother. Irina Semyonovna was an amazingly benevolent, sympathetic and wise woman. It is bitter to say “was” ... I think many will remember your mother with warmth and gratitude. Ready to help with the funeral. Please write what I can do to help.
• Dear Andrei Ivanovich! All of us, employees of Garant LLC, sincerely condole with you. Blessed memory to your father Ivan Ivanovich. Fortress of spirit to you and your family. We will forever remember our Ivan Ivanovich as a true master of his craft, a true professional, sensitive, sympathetic, great human soul.
• Our condolences, dear Alexandra Petrovna and Valery Vasilievich! Coming to terms with Andrei's death will not be easy for all of us. He was always open, honest, very positive person. He helped many of us in difficult life ups and downs. We will all remember your son lightly and with gratitude. Ready to offer any help.

How to express condolences in SMS

• Alexander, shocked by the bitter news. Be strong. We will leave for you immediately.
• Dear Lydia Andreevna, please accept my condolences. We cry and mourn with you. Tomorrow we will be with you.
• Tatyana, Igor, what sad news... I sympathize with all my heart. Unfortunately, I will not be able to be with you in these mournful days, my mother is seriously ill. Brace yourself, dear ones.

Condolence verse

Muslims, like people of other faiths, feel pain, bitterness, sadness and also cry, losing dear and close people. However, they have a slightly different worldview, a different attitude to life and death, different traditions and customs. Sorrowful emotions in the Muslim world are not customary to express openly. So, the words of condolence sound differently.

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We intuitively and subconsciously understand how to behave in joyful, easy life situations and festive events. But there are events of a tragic nature - the death of a loved one, for example. Many are lost, faced with their unpreparedness for loss, for the majority such events are beyond acceptance and awareness.

People experiencing loss are easily vulnerable, acutely feel insincerity and pretense, their feelings are overwhelmed with pain, they need help to calm it down, accept it, reconcile it, but in no case add pain with an accidentally thrown tactless word, an incorrect phrase.

You need to be able to show increased tact and correctness, sensitivity and condescension. It is better to remain silent, showing a delicate understanding, than to cause additional pain, hurt disturbed feelings, hook on nerves overloaded with experiences.

We will try to help you understand how to behave in a situation where a person next to you has suffered grief - the loss of a loved one, how to condole and find words that make the person feel your support and sincere sympathy.

We must take into account the existing differences in condolences.

The form of expressing condolences for the loss will vary:

• Grandparents, relative;
• mother or father;
• brother or sister;
• son or daughter - child;
• husband or wife;
• boyfriend or girlfriend;
• colleagues, employee.

Because the depth of experiences varies.

Also, the expression of condolences depends on the severity of the grieving person's feelings about what happened:

• Imminent death due to old age;
• inevitable death due to serious illness;
• premature, sudden death;
• tragic death, accident.

But there is the main, general condition, independent of the cause of the death that has come - the genuine sincerity of the expression of your grief.

The condolence itself should be short in form, but deep in content. Therefore, you need to find the most sincere words that accurately convey the depth of your sympathy and your willingness to provide support.

In this article, we will give samples and examples of various forms of expressing condolences, we will help you choose mournful words.

You will need:

Form and method of submission

Condolences will have distinctive features in form and method of presentation, depending on their purpose.

Purpose:

1. Personal condolences to family and friends.
2. Official individual or collective.
3. Obituary in the newspaper.
4. Farewell words of mourning at the funeral.
5. Funeral words at the wake: for 9 days, for the anniversary.

Submission method:

The timeliness factor is important, so the postal delivery method should only be used to send a telegram. Of course, the fastest way to express your condolences is to use modern communication tools: email, Skype, Viber ... but they are suitable for confident Internet users, and these should be not only senders, but also recipients.

Using SMS to show sympathy and empathy is acceptable only if there are no other opportunities for contact with a person, or if the status of your relationship is a distant acquaintance or formal friendship. Follow this link for different occasions.

Submission form:

In writing:

• Telegram;
• email;
• electronic postcard;
• an obituary is a piece of mourning in a newspaper.

In oral form:

• In a telephone conversation;
• when we will meet face to face.

In prose: Suitable for both written and verbal expression of grief.
In verse: Suitable for writing mourning.

Important highlights

All verbal condolences should be short in form.

• Official condolences are more delicately expressed in writing. For this, a heartfelt verse is more suitable, to which you can pick up a photo of the deceased, corresponding electronic pictures and postcards.
• Personal individual condolences must be exclusive, and can be expressed both verbally and in writing.
• For the dearest and closest people, it is important to express or write mournful condolences in your sincere words, not formal, therefore, not stereotyped.
• Since verses are rarely exclusive, exclusively yours, so listen to your heart, and it will prompt you with words of comfort and support.
• Not only words of condolence should be sincere, but also an offer of any help that you can afford: financial, organizational.

Be sure to mention the distinctive personal virtues and character traits of the deceased person that you would like to keep in your memory forever as a model: wisdom, kindness, responsiveness, optimism, love of life, hard work, honesty.…

This will be an individual part of condolence, the main part of which can be formulated according to the approximate model proposed in our article.

Universal mournful texts

1. “Let the earth rest in peace” - this is a traditional ritual phrase that is said after a completed burial, it can be a condolence at a wake, suitable even for atheists.
2. "We all mourn your irreparable loss."
3. "Unspeakable pain from loss."
4. "Sincerely condolences and sympathy for your grief."
5. “Please accept my deepest condolences on the death of a loved one.”
6. “Let us keep in our hearts the bright memory of the deceased wonderful person.”

Help can be offered in the following ways:

• “We are ready to share the burden of your grief, to be close to you and provide the necessary all possible assistance to you and your family.”
• “Surely, you will need to solve a lot of questions. You can count on us, accept our help."

On the death of mother, grandmother

1. "The death of the closest person - mother - is an irreparable grief."
2. "The bright memory of her will forever be in our hearts."
3. “How much we did not have time to tell her during her lifetime!”
4. "We sincerely mourn and condole with you at this bitter moment."
5. "Hold on! In memory of her. She wouldn't want to see you in despair."

On the death of a husband, father, grandfather

• “I offer my sincere condolences and express my deep sympathy in connection with the death of a loved one who was a reliable support for you and your family.”
• “In memory of this strong man, you must show resilience and wisdom in order to survive this grief and continue what he did not have time to complete.”
• "We will carry a bright and kind memory of him through our lives."

On the death of a sister, brother, friend, loved one

1. “It hurts to realize the loss of a loved one, but it is even more difficult to come to terms with the departure of young people who have not known life. Everlasting memory!"
2. “Let me express my most sincere condolences on the occasion of a heavy, irreparable loss!”
3. “Now you have to become a support for your parents! Remember this and hold on!”
4. “God help you survive and endure the pain of this loss!”
5. “For the sake of your children, their peace and well-being, you need to cope with this grief, find the strength to live and learn to look to the future.”
6. "Death does not take away love, your love is immortal!"
7. "Blessed memory of a wonderful person!"
8. "He will forever remain in our hearts!"

If you are at a distance, find out via SMS. Select the appropriate message and send to the recipient.

On the death of a colleague

• “We have worked side by side over the past few years. He was an excellent colleague and an example for young colleagues. His professionalism served as an example for many. You will forever remain in our memory as an example of life wisdom and honesty. May the earth rest in peace for you!
• “Her/his dedication to her work earned her/him the respect and love of all who knew her/him. He/She will forever remain in my memory.”
• “You were a wonderful collaborator and friend. How we will miss you. May the earth rest in peace for you!
• "I can't bear the thought that you're gone. It seems like only recently we were drinking coffee, discussing work and laughing ... I will miss you, your advice and crazy ideas very much.

On the death of a believer

The text of condolences may contain the same mournful words as for a secular person, but an Orthodox Christian should add:

• ritual phrase:

"Kingdom of heaven and eternal rest!"
"God is merciful!"

My dear, I am very sorry for your grief. Condolences ... Be strong!
My friend, I mourn your loss. I know this is a hard blow for you and your family. I offer my sincere condolences.
- A wonderful man is gone. My condolences to you, my dear, and to all your family at this sad and difficult moment.
This tragedy hurt all of us. But of course, it touched you the most. Accept my condolences.

How to condole in Islam (Muslims)?

It is Sunnah to express condolences in Islam. However, it is undesirable for the relatives of the deceased to gather in one place to accept condolences. The main purpose of expressing condolences is to call people who have suffered misfortune to patience and contentment with the predestination of Allah. The words that should be said when expressing condolences are: "May Allah grant you beautiful patience and may He forgive the sins of your deceased (your deceased)."

How to condole over the phone?

In the case when the words of condolence are pronounced over the phone, then you can (but not necessarily) add briefly: “Let the earth rest in peace!”. If you have the opportunity to provide assistance (organizational, financial - any), then it is convenient to complete the words of condolence with this phrase, for example, “These days you will probably need help. I would like to be helpful. Count on me to call anytime!

How do you deal with a person who is bereaved?

It is not necessary to grieve, cry with him, passing through someone else's suffering. You will be much more effective in your help if you act rationally, deliberately. One way to deal with loss is to talk about it repeatedly. In this case, strong emotions will react. You need to listen carefully to the person, answer his questions if necessary. Allowing a person to express his emotions, experiences. It can be tears, anger, irritation, sadness. You don't judge, you just listen carefully, you're there. Tactile contact is possible, that is, a person can be hugged, taken by the hand, the child can be put on his knees.

Not 5

When loved ones die, well-chosen words of condolence from those close by are needed to comfort and support at a difficult moment.

The proposed material provides examples of condolences to friends in connection with the death of relatives as a consolation to the mourners.

If you have to attend the funeral of relatives of friends, you should not remain indifferent to what is happening.

The spoken words of condolence are a tribute to the dead and support to the living.

But one should be careful in the choice of words, given the stressful state of people who are faced with loss.

In pronouncing words of support to the relatives of the deceased, it is necessary to adhere to the following recommendations:

rules	Explanations
Sincerity of emotions	No need to be ashamed of feelings, brush away tears and hide emotions. Sincere empathy will ease the pain of loss for those who mourn
Support offer	Be sure to offer help, even if it's not necessary. The very fact of offering support is important
Saying a joint prayer	Regardless of the religion of the mourners, sincere prayer will unite those present and help them endure this test.
Remember the deceased	Tell about the merits of the deceased, the situations related to him, without mentioning possible shortcomings
Keep it short	There is no need to prepare a long speech, a few short sincere phrases are enough. Funerals are no place for long rants

Death always comes unexpectedly, bringing grief to family and friends. It hurts especially when saying goodbye is premature.

It would be immeasurably harder for Kemerovo residents, the parents of dead children, to go through grief if they were left alone. But with words of support the whole country shared their suffering.

No need to indifferently pass by, sincere condolences will not relieve the pain, but will show the mourners that they can always count on the support of friends.

Expressing condolences on the occasion of death, it is categorically not allowed:

• As a consolation, argue that the pain decreases with time. For those who have lost loved ones, especially children, the thought of further existence without communication with them is unacceptable.

  At such a moment, people do not think about the future - the pain completely absorbs the mind, crowding out everything else.

• Search for the culprit - if such accusations concern the deceased or his relatives, such a reproach will only bring additional torment to the mourners. Do not bring additional negativity, this will not make anyone feel better. No need to remember past grievances.
• Show excessive curiosity, clarifying the circumstances of death, asking about the state of affairs of the deceased and other things.
• Use formulaic phrases or speak in verse - excessive theatricality or dryness will emphasize the lack of sincerity. Consolation will be, in addition to words, light hugs and touches.

Important! Sincere feelings will always prompt the right words and help prevent tactlessness, let emotions not be restrained by reason.

Memory in connection with the death of mother, child and condolences in your own words to a friend

If a friend is facing such grief as the loss of her mother, she especially needs support and help.

Even if you are in a quarrel, it's time to forget about past quarrels. You should not think about the fact that you will not be welcome, select special words in advance and suffer from doubts about the appropriateness of the visit.

Simple short phrases spoken in your own words will help:

• I grieve with you, grief is easier to endure together.
• Hold on, I know how much mom meant to you.
• Such a loss is always a great pain, I want to share it with you.
• It's not easy to find the words, don't forget, I'm always ready to help.

The death of a child is a particularly difficult test for a mother. An unnatural situation when you have to mourn your children. You don’t wish this on anyone, so words of support are especially important.

It would be appropriate to say:

• Condolences, such a loss is unbearable.
• I am overwhelmed by this news, I mourn with you.
• What happened is a ridiculous mistake, it does not fit in my head. I sympathize with all my heart.
• I can't imagine how hard it is for you right now. I sincerely sympathize.

Avoid memorized and unnatural phrases, especially poetry is inappropriate. Take the time to support your friend in person.

If this is not possible, be sure to call, but you do not need to resort to SMS - written phrases cannot replace living words of participation.

The person will understand that you did not call, knowing the phone number. The last option is to write an e-mail message if there is no way to call.

Do not be afraid to approach a person and support if you did not do it in a timely manner.

If it dragged on for too long, apologize, citing the prevailing circumstances as an excuse (long business trip, etc.).

Condolences are also appropriate on the anniversary of a sad date, when the memory of a sad event returns again, and the feeling of loss is again aggravated.

Remember the sad dates of close friends and acquaintances in order to support and be there in a timely manner.

Short funeral speech

Attendance at a funeral is a forced and always sad necessity.

Once at such an event, it is imperative to make a short speech in memory of the deceased, referring to his relatives. If you didn’t know this person closely, general phrases are enough.

Farewell words to acquaintances should not remain impersonal, put sincere emotions into the appeal, emphasizing that you are aware of the severity of the loss.

Short examples of mourning speech at a funeral:

• The deceased remained a kind and sincere person until his death. He did a lot for me and will remain in my memory forever.
• He went through life spreading goodness. It is a pity that his path was interrupted.
• I feel deep regret and grief over the death of my father and grandfather. He will be missed by all of us.
• I don't know how to express the pain, there are no words. She will always be with us.
• A sunny day faded from such an event, I express my sincere sympathy.

Sorrowful short examples of condolences

To support the relatives of the deceased, a few short phrases are enough. Death is no reason to practice eloquence. More words will be said by the very fact of presence and support, the offered help.

If friends, colleagues or acquaintances are faced with a loss, the following words will be appropriate for sympathy:

• Condolences in grief, we will help and support.
• I remember you were happy together. I mourn.
• I'm sorry I wasn't there when it happened. Count on support.
• This death does not fit in my head, I sympathize.
• No words can ease the pain, sincere condolences.

Words of sincere support to friends about the death of relatives are the least that can be done. Do not remain indifferent to the grief of even an unfamiliar person, and let trouble pass you by.

Useful video

It should be understood that a mourning speech is delivered at the funeral, which is addressed to the entire circle of guests. The funeral is a rather difficult event and relatives choose a person with good diction and who knew the deceased well.

If you are reading a memorial speech, then you should not rely on improvisation, it is okay if you record the speech. Optimal speech time up to 5 minutes. You should not retell the entire biography of the deceased. The speaker must select the brightest, most important, good moments that show all the best qualities of the deceased.

Since you personally knew the deceased, you can remember a good deed, good words, or moments, as well as emphasize how significant this person was to you. At the end of the speech, they usually talk about what the deceased taught us, what benefits he did, that he lived his life not in vain.

It is impossible in a mourning speech to recall the shortcomings and bad deeds of the deceased, remember that good things can be said about a bad person. For example, if a person was greedy, then we can say that although he did not always know how to share joy with others, he is an example for us how to be happy ourselves and achieve everything with our own work! Thus, guests will learn about the deceased, about his busy life, good deeds.

Warm words warm the souls of guests and relatives, thus, the loss is easier to bear.

Speech example:

1. Appeal:

Dear guests of [Name]!
- Dear relatives and friends!
-Dear family and friends of our beloved [Name]

2. Who you are:

I am the husband of our revered [Name].
-I am the sister of [Name], who is remembered by us today.
- [Name] and I have worked/served together for a long time / in recent years.

3. About how it all happened:

Mother was ill for a long time; we knew what would happen, but when we got a call from the hospital…
-When I found out that [Name] had died, I couldn't think of anything else that evening.
-Although grandfather lived a long life, the news of his death startled me.
-Today is 9 days since my mother left us.
-A year ago, we said goodbye to [Name], a respected and worthy person.

4. A few words about the best qualities of the deceased:

Grandmother was the kindest person, she often received guests in her cozy house in the village.
She was very generous and her smile made everyone feel good.
-He was known as an optimist and a person with whom it is easy to go through life.
-He was a support for all of us, you could always rely on him in difficult times.

Remember that the mourning speech at the funeral must come from your heart, just take a pen and write about what is in your soul, describe the deceased. Let your speech be better formally not correct, but sincere, which will touch the hearts of the guests.

Example of a mourning speech few facts from life are given here, but the speech was spoken from the heart:

Dear relatives and friends! I am the husband of our revered [Name] Having learned about the tragedy, for a long time I could not believe what had happened, all evening I could not think of anything and still it seems to me that this is just a dream.
Not many people know how pure and bright person [Name] was. Already at the age of 18, she made her first trip, and this passion to see the new remained forever in her heart. We met on one of these trips, it was an unforgettable month in an unforgettable city.
We both considered ourselves free as birds, and did not want to tie the knot, but this acquaintance turned everything upside down. She was an incredibly kind and generous person. She always helped strangers, always took into account the opinions of others and avoided conflicts. I am glad that, although so little, I was with her and was able to enjoy the purity, tenderness and feelings that [Name] gave me. I will always remember you [Name] your warm smile will forever remain in our hearts!

What do they say at the funeral?

At the wake, everyone can show their respect to the deceased. If you want to honor the memory of a loved one, prepare in advance, come up with a good toast or verse to stand at the memorial table and honor the memory of a loved one.

Before you sit down at the table, the deceased is honored with a minute of silence. The Orthodox begin the commemoration with the reading of Psalm 90 and the prayer "Our Father". The owner of the house invites guests to the table and people sit down, not sitting on an empty seat allocated to the deceased.

The first word given to the owner of the house: -Today we spent the last journey of our loved one (calls him as it was customary in the family). May the earth rest in peace to him / her, and the memory is eternal. (Bows to a portrait or a free place of the deceased).

Everyone drinks (according to tradition, jelly). Not clinking. Then the word is passed to the leader. The host also delivers his speech, ending it with the words: - May the earth be (calls the name and patronymic of the deceased) in down, and the memory is eternal!

Then the leader gives mourning words to say to everyone from the elders to the minority: As a rule, these are toasts, at the end of which they say Let the earth be [Name] down, and memory eternal!

In memorial words, the use of aphorisms, favorite expressions of the deceased, stories from life is allowed. Any negative words, talk about bad character traits, showdown are not allowed.

Example: Friends, today is a day of mourning. There was a time when we had fun and rejoiced with the departed (her) from us. But today we ourselves drink this cup of sorrow, seeing off a person close to us on the last journey. Not everyone in the world was worthy of Dormition, like the Mother of God and other holy people. But we will keep in our hearts a good memory of our friend, having hope for the resurrection and for a new meeting in a new place. Let's drink the wine of sorrow to the bottom for this!

Example: We are sad and sad And there are no other feelings. Let's remember all the parents, Let's remember all the relatives! Let's remember all the departed, In the prime of their lives, Brothers, sisters of the dead, Friends and strangers! They once lived And made us happy, Laughed and loved, Cared about us. For a long time or recently They are no longer with us, And we tremblingly bring a bouquet to the grave!

Or just cases from life, someone will remember how well he drew, someone how they worked together perfectly, and someone will tell about his good deed.

Example: “Our grandfather was a very kind and good man. His path was long and difficult. All the difficulties that befell the country, he perceived as his own. He worked and raised children without complaining about the lack of benefits, lack of food or amenities. He raised children, was a support for grandchildren. We will all miss this wonderful man. Blessed memory to him!

It is necessary to pronounce memorial words while standing. After your funeral words, the head of the family necessarily ends your words with the phrase - May the earth be (calls the name and patronymic of the deceased) in peace, and the memory is eternal! Or for believers, the Kingdom of heaven to him / her and eternal rest.

When everyone speaks out, the head of the house thanks everyone for the kind words, once again wishes everyone to be strong in order to survive the bitterness of loss, to maintain firmness at all times. Everyone gets up, drinks, bows and sits down again. By tradition, the last toast is made by the eldest woman in the family, or the eldest of the relatives. She also thanks everyone for coming and honoring the memory of the deceased and, if necessary, invites everyone to the next commemoration. After the last toast, they do not say goodbye, but bow to the portrait of the deceased (or to an empty place at the table) and, at the exit, bring words of condolence to relatives.

How to express condolences on death?

What shouldn't be said? Often in such difficult days, it is very difficult for us to formulate our thoughts and correctly express our condolences. We begin to speak general phrases, instead of just supporting people dear to us in a difficult moment. Consider what is better not to say when expressing your condolences:

2. God judged, God's will for everything, God took away. You can’t say such a phrase to a mother who has lost a small innocent child, thereby you seem to be saying that God did this to them. It is better to say that now a person is in a better world.

3. How are you? No need to dryly ask relatives how they are doing, if there is a need to keep up the conversation, it is better to ask how you feel? What's on your mind? However, if you are not a close person, then it is enough to take an interest in the funeral itself, to ask if there is something that I can do for you.

4. Everything will be fine, don't cry! You should not try to cheer up the relatives of the deceased with such expressions, after all, this is mourning, and these days relatives most often want to think about today, and not about the future.

5. Future-oriented wishes do not apply to words of condolence: “I wish you to recover faster after such a tragedy”

6. It is considered bad form to find positive moments in the tragedy and devalue the loss. Nothing, give birth! He was in a lot of pain, and finally got over it! Remember that people have gathered here to honor the memory of the deceased.

7. You are not the only one, it happens worse, that's what happened to ... .. Such statements are tactless and do not help to alleviate the pain of loss.

8. You can not look for someone to blame. We hope this driver gets jailed! We hope this killer will be punished. Such statements also do not apply to words of condolence.

9. “You know, he drank a lot and was a drug addict, such people do not live long.” Such statements are also tactless, about the deceased, or good or nothing.

10. Questions “How and where did it happen?” and others, it is also not appropriate to ask for condolences.

Verbal condolences to the loved ones of the deceased

The most important thing is that your words of condolence are sincere and from the heart. For example, if you did not know the deceased and his relatives well, then a simple handshake or hug with words of condolences to your loss will be enough. The same applies to people who simply do not have words or only two words, condolences to you. You can simply hug, take by the hand, put your hand on the shoulder, thereby showing that you sincerely sympathize and share your grief with the relatives of the deceased.

It is considered good form to offer your help, ask if there is something I can do for you? Most often you will be politely answered, no thanks, not worth it. But if help is really needed, then it can be help in preparing dishes for the commemoration, in submitting notes to the church for holding church liturgies for the deceased, and even material assistance.

How to find words of condolence for death?

To make it easier to express your condolences, think about the deceased, who he was to you, remember good cases from life, his actions and joint deeds. Also think about the feelings of relatives, how hard it is for them what they feel. This will help you find words for condolences.

If you feel guilty about something before the deceased, your sincere apologies will be a good form, because condolences are both forgiveness and reconciliation. You don’t need to squeeze words out of yourself, if there aren’t any, then just come up and sincerely say how you condole, in your eyes and everything will be visible. Below are condolence word examples:

He meant a lot to me and to you, I grieve with you. Let it be a consolation to us that he gave so much love and warmth.

Let's pray for him. There are no words to express your grief.

She meant a lot in your life and mine. Never forget…

It is very hard to lose such a dear person. I share your grief. How can I help you? You can always count on me.

I'm sorry, please accept my condolences. If I can do something for you, I will be very happy.

I would like to offer my help. I would be happy to help you...

Unfortunately, in this imperfect world, this has to be experienced. He was a bright man whom we loved. I will not leave you in your grief. You can count on me at any moment.

This tragedy affected everyone who knew her. You, of course, are now the hardest of all. I want to assure you that I will never leave you. And I will never forget her.

Please, let's walk this path together. Unfortunately, I only now realized how unworthy my bickering and quarrels with this bright and dear person were.

Forgive me! I grieve with you. This is a huge loss. And a terrible tragedy. I pray and will always pray for you and for him.

It's hard to put into words how much good he did me. All our disagreements are dust. And what he did for me, I will carry through my whole life. I pray for him and mourn with you. I will gladly help you at any time.

We intuitively and subconsciously understand how to behave in joyful, easy life situations and festive events. But there are events of a tragic nature - the death of a loved one, for example. Many are lost, faced with their unpreparedness for loss, for the majority such events are beyond acceptance and awareness.

People experiencing loss are easily vulnerable, acutely feel insincerity and pretense, their feelings are overwhelmed with pain, they need help to calm it down, accept it, reconcile it, but in no case add pain with an accidentally thrown tactless word, an incorrect phrase.

You need to be able to show increased tact and correctness, sensitivity and condescension. It is better to remain silent, showing a delicate understanding, than to cause additional pain, hurt disturbed feelings, hook on nerves overloaded with experiences.

We will try to help you understand how to behave in a situation where a person next to you has suffered grief - the loss of a loved one, how to condole and find words that make the person feel your support and sincere sympathy.

We must take into account the existing differences in condolences.

The form of expressing condolences for the loss will vary:

• Grandparents, relative;
• mother or father;
• brother or sister;
• son or daughter - child;
• husband or wife;
• boyfriend or girlfriend;
• colleagues, employee.

Because the depth of experiences varies.

Also, the expression of condolences depends on the severity of the grieving person's feelings about what happened:

• Imminent death due to old age;
• inevitable death due to serious illness;
• premature, sudden death;
• tragic death, accident.

But there is the main, general condition, independent of the cause of the death that has come - the genuine sincerity of the expression of your grief.

The condolence itself should be short in form, but deep in content. Therefore, you need to find the most sincere words that accurately convey the depth of your sympathy and your willingness to provide support.

In this article, we will give samples and examples of various forms of expressing condolences, we will help you choose mournful words. You will need: sincerity; patience; attention to the person; sympathy;
Tip 1

Form and method of submission

Condolences will have distinctive features in form and method of presentation, depending on their purpose.

Purpose:

1. Personal condolences to family and friends.
2. Official individual or collective.
3. Obituary in the newspaper.
4. Farewell words of mourning at the funeral.
5. Funeral words at the wake: for 9 days, for the anniversary.

Submission method:

The timeliness factor is important, so the postal delivery method should only be used to send a telegram. Of course, the fastest way to express your condolences is to use modern communication tools: email, Skype, Viber ... but they are suitable for confident Internet users, and these should be not only senders, but also recipients.

Using SMS to show sympathy and empathy is acceptable only if there are no other opportunities for contact with a person, or if the status of your relationship is a distant acquaintance or formal friendship.

Submission form:

In writing:

• Telegram;
• email;
• electronic postcard;
• an obituary is a piece of mourning in a newspaper.

In oral form:

• In a telephone conversation;
• when we will meet face to face.

In prose: Suitable for both written and verbal expression of grief.
In verse: Suitable for writing mourning.
Tip 2

Important highlights

All verbal condolences should be short in form.

• Official condolences are more delicately expressed in writing. For this, a heartfelt verse is more suitable, to which you can pick up a photo of the deceased, corresponding electronic pictures and postcards.
• Personal individual condolences must be exclusive, and can be expressed both verbally and in writing.
• For the dearest and closest people, it is important to express or write mournful condolences in your sincere words, not formal, therefore, not stereotyped.
• Since verses are rarely exclusive, exclusively yours, so listen to your heart, and it will prompt you with words of comfort and support.
• Not only words of condolence should be sincere, but also an offer of any help that you can afford: financial, organizational.

Be sure to mention the distinctive personal virtues and character traits of the deceased person that you would like to keep in your memory forever as a model: wisdom, kindness, responsiveness, optimism, love of life, hard work, honesty.…

This will be an individual part of condolence, the main part of which can be formulated according to the approximate model proposed in our article.
Tip 3

Universal mournful texts

1. “Let the earth rest in peace” - this is a traditional ritual phrase that is said after a completed burial, it can be a condolence at a wake, suitable even for atheists.
2. "We all mourn your irreparable loss."
3. "Unspeakable pain from loss."
4. "Sincerely condolences and sympathy for your grief."
5. “Please accept my deepest condolences on the death of a loved one.”
6. “Let us keep in our hearts the bright memory of the deceased wonderful person.”

Help can be offered in the following ways:

• “We are ready to share the burden of your grief, to be close to you and provide the necessary all possible assistance to you and your family.”
• “Surely, you will need to solve a lot of questions. You can count on us, accept our help."

Tip 4

On the death of mother, grandmother

1. "The death of the closest person - mother - is an irreparable grief."
2. "The bright memory of her will forever be in our hearts."
3. “How much we did not have time to tell her during her lifetime!”
4. "We sincerely mourn and condole with you at this bitter moment."
5. "Hold on! In memory of her. She wouldn't want to see you in despair."

Tip 5

On the death of a husband, father, grandfather

• “I offer my sincere condolences and express my deep sympathy in connection with the death of a loved one who was a reliable support for you and your family.”
• “In memory of this strong man, you must show resilience and wisdom in order to survive this grief and continue what he did not have time to complete.”
• "We will carry a bright and kind memory of him through our lives."

Tip 6

On the death of a sister, brother, friend, loved one

1. “It hurts to realize the loss of a loved one, but it is even more difficult to come to terms with the departure of young people who have not known life. Everlasting memory!"
2. “Let me express my most sincere condolences on the occasion of a heavy, irreparable loss!”
3. “Now you have to become a support for your parents! Remember this and hold on!”
4. “God help you survive and endure the pain of this loss!”
5. “For the sake of your children, their peace and well-being, you need to cope with this grief, find the strength to live and learn to look to the future.”
6. "Death does not take away love, your love is immortal!"
7. "Blessed memory of a wonderful person!"
8. "He will forever remain in our hearts!"

Tip 7

On the death of a believer

The text of condolences may contain the same mournful words as for a secular person, but an Orthodox Christian should add:

• ritual phrase:

"Kingdom of heaven and eternal rest!"
"God is merciful!"

• Prayer phrase:

“God rest his soul, forgive all sins, voluntary and involuntary, and grant the Kingdom of Heaven!” Conclusion

Conclusion

“The life of the dead continues in the memory of the living” - these words belong to the ancient sage Cicero. And while we are alive, our departed loved ones live in our hearts!