How to put the interlocutor in place. Verbal Attack Techniques

Regardless of whether you like or not the person with whom you have to communicate, at least for a few moments put yourself in his place, look at the situation through his eyes, try to understand how he feels and why he behaves this way and not otherwise.

The ability to "get into the shoes" of another and see the world through his eyes is called empathy. This does not mean at all that for effective communication you will have to think and feel in exactly the same way as your interlocutor, or, even worse, agree with him in everything. Not at all, you don't even have to like each other. But to understand another means with a much greater degree of probability to achieve the result you need in communicating with him.

To feel the state of another person means to instantly establish contact with him. Empathy is "feeling" in another person, which is akin to acting reincarnation. It is not necessary to get used to another seriously and for a long time - but for a moment, as if effortlessly, to become him, to feel his state from the inside - means to instantly establish contact with him. Feeling in this way the state of another person, putting yourself in his place, you will learn to understand him, and maybe even sympathize with him, while absolutely not judging him, not criticizing him, not labeling him. If you can look at the world through the eyes of another, you are guaranteed to establish a lively, warm contact with him, your communication will not be formal, not superficial, but very deep. You will penetrate the inner world of the interlocutor, understand his true feelings, and this will most likely force you to change your communication strategy to a more productive one.

Create a field of mutual understanding. If you do not understand what motivates a person and start scolding him, he will most likely close up or begin to defend himself, and real communication will not work. Having managed to feel the pains and joys of another, you will create a general atmosphere of sympathy, empathy, and trust. The interlocutor will feel that you seem to have created around both of you a single field of common interests and mutual understanding. In such conditions, it is much easier to agree on anything! A person will definitely feel that you treat him with understanding. In this case, it will be much easier for you to convey your arguments to him, and he will calmly accept your proposals and agree with your correctness.

Workshop

Sometimes people are afraid to put themselves in the place of another, because it seems to them that because of this they can lose their own face, as if to dissolve in another and forget about their interests. To learn empathy without losing yourself, there is one sure trick: do it playfully, pretend. In addition, do not stay in the role of another person for a long time, usually from a few seconds to a minute of such “immersion” in the image is enough to understand the person, as they say, from the inside.

It is best to start training your ability to empathize when you are among people, but at the same time you do not enter into direct communication with them. For example, on the subway, in line at the store, or at some meeting, quietly observe someone. Don't draw any conclusions, don't judge or judge, just watch. Your task is to remember the face of this person. Pay attention to the details: hairstyle, nose shape, eye color. Then pay attention to the facial expression and try to remember it too. Now imagine that you are an actor who needs to play such a person. To play is not just to portray him outwardly. This means entering the same state in which this person is. You have already studied his facial expression - now imagine how a person with such a facial expression feels. Why did he have this expression, what inner state gave rise to it?

Looking away from this person, reproduce his face in memory, and then try to copy both the facial expression and, most importantly, the internal state of a person with such a face. Notice how this changes your own state. Do you feel confident or helpless, fearless or timid, sad or joyful? If you succeed even for a moment inwardly entering the role of the other, you will be able to make unexpected discoveries. Perhaps you will feel that fear is actually hiding behind external aggressiveness. And behind the external arrogance - uncertainty and a thirst for self-affirmation. By understanding in this way what is hidden behind the sometimes deceptive appearance, you can find the most winning communication strategy. For example, you will stop being afraid of the aggressor, you will not defend yourself with reciprocal aggressiveness, but instead disarm him with a kind and soft intonation, remove his hidden fear and make him communicate with you gently and friendly.

Page 2

Exercise "Put yourself in the place of another."

Think back to a recent conflict with someone in which you started the conversation from above. Now relax, close your eyes and imagine yourself in the place of the person you were talking to. Inwardly ask him what impressions he got from communicating with you? Think about what your interlocutor can say about you.

Then, imagine your conversation in such a way that your partner has fond memories of yourself. What changed? Did you understand that, first of all, your inner position has changed? If earlier, consciously or unconsciously, you started a conversation with a work colleague in the same way as you speak with your students in class, now you approach a person, internally preparing for an equal contact with him. This psychological preparation is associated with a change in your position, your inner desire for a full-fledged dialogue.

Also effective are exercises developed on the basis of the empathy method. For example:

Rhythm exercises.

Taken from N. Rogers.

Must be done in pairs.

Two people stand facing each other and agree on their roles: one is the host, the second is the “mirror”. The hands of the participants are raised to chest level and turned palms towards each other. The leader arbitrarily moves his hands, and the one who plays the role of a “mirror” tries to reflect them in the same rhythm. Roles change several times.

The psychological meaning of the exercise is to feel the inner “rhythm” of another person and reflect it as fully as possible. At the same time, think about the fact that each person is an individual with a unique psychological “rhythm”, and in order to correctly understand a person, you must first of all feel his energy, temperament, direction, dynamics, inner expression.

It is important to remember that the method makes it possible to achieve high results if you can trust your initial, intuitive feeling and are able to stop intellectual interpretations in time. Indeed, a person often does not believe his feeling, begins to think, think something out and makes a decision based on thought patterns. But then life shows that the first feeling "from the heart" was correct and accurate, and the subsequent reasoning "from the head" was erroneous.

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How to put the interlocutor in place. Verbal Attack Techniques

Do you want to win in negotiations and verbal fights?

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How to put the interlocutor in place

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Chapter 1. The tongue is worse than the gun!

The art of parrying verbal blows is the most necessary thing in life. People who do not go into their pocket for a word have been respected since ancient times. Winners in verbal duels earned themselves the glory of great orators. The ability to sting with a word is valor. In ancient Greece, for example, Diogenes of Sinope became famous for his ability to strike back. His antics are written in many ancient writings.

Before becoming an eccentric and a philosopher, Diogenes was engaged in minting coins. But soon he was convicted of "circumcision" of money. Later, enemies repeatedly reminded him of this "sin of youth." “So what,” Diogenes answered them. “As a child, I not only cut coins, but also urinated on the bed!”

Diogenes himself knew how to skillfully put people in their place. Once he was brought to the house of a rich and influential man. Moreover, knowing about his bad habit, they warned him in advance not to spit there. It's inconvenient, they say, it's very clean. Without hesitation, Diogenes cleared his throat and spat in the face of his companion: “Sorry, I couldn’t find a worse place here!” On another occasion, Diogenes heard a man who, with the air of an expert, talked about celestial phenomena. And he asked him: “Have you yourself descended from the sky a long time ago?”

The ill-wishers somehow reproached Diogenes for visiting vile and indecent places. “So what,” said Diogenes. - And the sun sometimes looks into the cesspool. But that doesn't make it any dirtier."

Once Diogenes began to beg for alms from a man known for his stinginess. He sarcastically remarked: "I will give you alms, Diogenes, if you convince me to do this." “If I could at least convince you of something,” answered the philosopher, “I would convince you to hang yourself!” Contemporaries wrote that once Diogenes began to beg even ... at the statue. When asked about the reasons for the strange act, he replied: “Do not interfere! I'm training myself to be rejected!"

It is also known how Diogenes reacted to the famous statement of Socrates "I only know that I know nothing." “I am smarter than Socrates,” he declared. Because I don't even know that!

The name of the eccentric philosopher has been preserved for centuries. The ability to find a sharp word in time will be useful to you today. It will help to win in an important dispute. It is foolish to object directly, to rush at the enemy, like a bull rushes at a bullfighter. We need to be more flexible, listen to objections and respond quickly and effectively. Only speed, wit and the ability to understand the hidden motives of the opponent guarantee victory in a verbal duel. There are a lot of tricks that will help you successfully put a presumptuous interlocutor in his place. Here are just a few.

1. White from black. By turning the negative into a positive, you will completely disarm the enemy. It turns out that he does not blame you, but praises you.

- You talk too much on the phone!

- Of course. This is necessary in business: customers are people too and love to communicate. And who are you, warden?

- Your seminar does not correspond to practice!

- And you try these tricks in real life! Many clients are satisfied with my seminar, it helps them just in practice. And what is "practice" in general, in your opinion?

2. Boomerang. Pay rebuke against the one who attacks you. He probably didn't expect this turn of events.

- You don't protect my interests at all.

- Perhaps I am not defending your interests, but I am defending the interests of the cause!

Chapter 2 Under the hood of the investigator

It’s not worth renouncing the bag and the prison in Russia. The chances of being behind bars for any of us are always higher than the chances of remaining at large. Don't wave your hands, better think:

We have everyone planted. Two vice-presidents were imprisoned in Russia: Rutskoi and Yanaev, and now Mikhail Khodorkovsky, one of the oligarchs, is imprisoned. Two speakers of parliament have been in Russian prisons: Khasbulatov is among them. Even the acting prosecutor general, Ilyushenko, was sitting. And the Minister of Defense - Yazov. And the deputy Minister of the Ministry of Internal Affairs, and ... You see, no one is immune from this ...

A conversation with an investigator is an extreme situation. This is not khukhry-muhry for you. This, by the way, depends on where exactly you spend the next few years ...

Learn your rights in advance and go to the interrogation. It cannot be avoided with all desire. But knowing a few brain pressure tricks can help you avoid the worst. Forewarned is forearmed. Of course, one should feel sorry for the investigators - their work is not sugar. Solving a crime is a very difficult task. Perhaps that is why the smartest representatives of this glorious tribe are limited to collecting the minimum amount of information to take the case to court. It is sometimes much easier to obtain a false confession of guilt or fake evidence than to establish the truth. So, sympathize better with yourself-beloved. And try to at least mentally prepare to defend yourself, finding yourself in the notorious office with a bright lamp.

What do investigators use? Your fear, guilt, a sense of superiority, a sense of revenge, envy ... Most of the “zheglovy and sharapovy” are fluent in the techniques of “carrot and stick”, bluff, intimidation, exhaustion ... They have a standard arsenal for “persuading” stubborn detainees , which is used by both experienced investigators and green beginners.

1. Reception "know-it-all". The investigator begins the interrogation, reporting on minor offenses that the arrested person had in the past. Gradually, he comes to the "present tense". It seems that he already knows all the ins and outs about the accused. Some details can be clarified in advance from the accomplices of the suspect. If you are not a complete fool - do not inject, even if it seems that everything is open. Who better than an investigator to be able to pretend that he already knows everything for a long time. It has a good effect on the brain and a demonstration of the possibilities of the investigation. The investigator reports in detail how and what he will use to further solve the crime. Gives the results of the examination, the results of interrogations and confrontations. Everything is good, up to the "accidental" demonstration of evidence allegedly found during the search. So that the suspect knows for sure: everything will be revealed anyway, and a frank confession facilitates punishment.

2. Taking a bluff. They try to present the case as if the confession of the accused is just an empty formality, everything that he will say is known in advance. And the investigator only needs to find out some minor details. The insignificance of these details lulls the vigilance of the suspect. So errors, inaccuracies, and even some major "puncture" appear. Funny little details can lead to serious facts. In addition, the suspect remains in complete obscurity. What does the investigator know? What does he not know? These thoughts distract attention, make you nervous, that is, as a result, they again work for the benefit of the investigation.

3. Reception "against each other." Using the "comrades" of the suspect, who allegedly "already confessed to everything" is a very popular way of pressure. So, one arrested person is shown into a room and asked to write his biography. Then his accomplices are led past the same room: “Look, he is already writing to you.” And at the same time they sarcastically declare: “Well, why are you making heroes out of yourself? Everyone who could, has already confessed everything. Who will know if you are a hero or not. So you will rot as unknown heroes behind bars.” If it is not possible to squeeze out any information from one of the accomplices, he is offered to simply say before the second: "I told the whole truth." Perhaps he didn't say a word. But the second one is now completely at a loss, it can be taken with bare hands.

4. Acceptance of repetition of questions. Our head is an imperfect thing. Too many details for her - an unbearable burden. And therefore, the more a person speaks, the more chances he has to get confused. As soon as he forgets at least something of what was said last time - and you can catch him in a lie. That's why investigators are so fond of asking and asking again. As if they all suffer from sclerosis ... All answers are compared, plus the same method of clarifying minor details is used. By the way, the suspect is caught precisely on indirect, “insignificant” questions, on what is easily forgotten. Do you think that your "version" will not be knocked out of your head with a hammer? You are wrong. There are a lot of ways to make people forget what they said. You can exhaust the person under investigation with a long interrogation, repeating questions with an interval of an hour or two. And you can sharply divert attention, lull vigilance, break the will to resist ...

5. Acceptance of "emotional reaction". Emotions are the suspect's worst enemy. Very often the goal of the investigator is to cause a violent emotional wave. It will entail errors, inaccuracies, and even full recognition.

What can an investigator play on:

Jealousy: “You are sitting here, and your friend and your wife are having fun?”. (And what difference does it make if it's a lie? Bluffing is the first thing here!).

· On a sense of justice: “Is it fair? You sit, and he walks free.

· On a sense of hopelessness: “You have already been handed over” (a fake protocol of interrogation is attached). “Look how many people are sitting, they also considered themselves clever, just like you. They also said: the first commandment - do not inject. And where are they all now? Our prisons are full!” (pronounced with a happy gleam in his eyes).

On antipathy: “Look what scumbags you've messed with! Is this your circle? They will sell their own mother! You're a good guy, not like these dregs of society.

· On a sense of revenge: "This bastard sold you, and you feel sorry for him!".

· On a sense of guilt: "How could you do this to your brother!".

On the feeling of fear: “You will get a “tower”!” (Even if, apart from a year of imprisonment, nothing threatens the defendant ...) “Do you know what kind of prisons we have?? We'll put them in the same cell with the perverts, then you'll find out..." A popular technique: in the midst of an interrogation, one of the policemen flies into the office with passion: “Come on faster! It's time for us to go to the gunshot." Fear and confusion sometimes force a person to say what he did not plan to say at all.

6. Exhaustion technique. If a person is tired or simply does not expect a catch, it is much easier to “break” him. It's no secret that our investigation loves many hours of interrogation, "pushing water in a mortar", returning to the same thing. And you thought it was just the way it was done?

acceptance of uncertainty. A lot of people don't handle the unknown well. Delaying the beginning of the interrogation, the mystery of what is happening, omissions and hints often act worse than physical punishment. The information vacuum is very exhausting for the psyche.

Acceptance of surprise. Investigators love hot pursuit interrogations. A person has not yet had time to get together, consult with a defender - it's time to get everything you need from him. That is why sometimes, despite everything that is written in the law, they try to delay a meeting with a lawyer until the last.

Swoop reception. The quiet conversation is slowly coming to an end. This is the time to turn around and ask a key question in a completely different tone. The interlocutor has already relaxed, and the investigator will easily find out the most important thing....

Recall Commissioner Colombo from the television series of the same name. Already leaving after the tedious "idiotic" questions, he returned two or three times and asked some "nonsense" again. The suspects were glad that he was finally behind and they could relax, then they went berserk from his impudence and ... made mistakes. At the same time, both in appearance and behavior, he portrayed himself as a kind of fool asking stupid and naive questions. His famous raincoat and no less famous car of unknown breed only reinforced the impression of "sillyness". He himself appealed to the feeling of superiority of his interlocutors, constantly complimenting them. And as a result... I learned everything I needed. Yes, a good investigator is a good psychologist.

"Good Investigator - Bad Investigator" technique. Even five-year-old children know about this technique. Two "different" people speak to the suspect in turn. One bad, angry and rude. The other is good, kind, affectionate. It would seem that there is no need to succumb to the bait. But no! The suspect is exhausted, he is simply "drawn" to a nice and good investigator. He cooperates and sympathy, promises, encouragement await him... Even if this does not work out right away, he will be crushed by the psychological buildup “from good to bad” and the illusion that one investigator does not know what he said to another.

Acceptance of the game with evidence. If the investigator has something to show the suspect, he does it masterfully. Sometimes the evidence is shown "in ascending order", the psychological pressure increases and the suspect quickly confesses to everything. If the defendant is an impressionable person, he is immediately shown the most compelling evidence: even a bloody knife found in the bushes, even a signed testimony of an eyewitness to the crime. Very often, no other evidence is needed after that.

Acceptance of mental struggle. As you know, in any person "the devil fights with God." And in certain situations, the investigation is enough to prove to him that his "legend" will shatter like a house of cards at one touch. And along the way, the suspect is told how good he is, how much good he has done before, how high his authority is and how stupid it is to destroy all this by lying once. After which, under a plausible pretext, they leave him alone with his thoughts. And very often the mental struggle ends in favor of the investigation...

Acceptance of the legend assumption. As you know, adults lie wisely. And other adults, that is, investigators, pretend that they allowed themselves to be hung over their ears. They smile, nod, supposedly completely trusting the suspect. Then they begin to go into details and ask questions. And not one or two, but fifty, seventy, a hundred questions. Even if the defendant had time to think over the legend in detail, he is not able to foresee everything. So, he will have to compose something on the go. He has no right to say “I don’t know”, because then the credibility of his version will be undermined. Composed details are instantly forgotten, and catching a deceiver is a trifle. In addition, the investigator can suddenly put a "sharp" question without changing the timbre of speech and tone of voice. The suspect is lost (after all, everything went so smoothly and calmly!), does not immediately understand what happened, and betrays himself with his head.

But even the most effective methods of psychological pressure do not work without the right questions. Already in the art of asking the investigators of the master! Every question here is "double-lined". Among the completely neutral questions - come across the right ones, about indirect details. Also, with the help of questions, the investigator seeks to direct the testimony in the right direction. Sometimes it offers to choose "either-or". Or provides a choice, but in such a way that the answer "yes" seems to be the most preferable. And sometimes it leaves no choice at all: “One of the two. Either you killed or you stole! There are also suggestion questions. If you directly tell the suspect: “Did you kill ?!”, it is very likely that he will immediately break down and sign the protocol.

But remember: do not lose your presence of mind, do not give up: the investigators have their little tricks, and you have your civil rights!

Chapter 3 ABOUT THE POOR VILLAIN SAY A WORD

(Lawyers)

What is a "good lawyer"?

This is a question that you must answer yourself when fate drives you into a corner, and when you remember the bitter "from the bag and from prison - do not promise."

How would most people answer this question?

A good lawyer, unlike a bad one, can ruin a criminal case. A bad one only collects papers, references, in short, only imitates work. He, like everyone else, also needs to earn a living. Often the lawyers themselves say: "Nobody needs the truth."

The first word that is related to lawyers and, at the same time, gives rise to a lot of associations is Protection. Protecting your rights, your property, your loved ones, sometimes your life.

“Protection” is a word that in our aggressive reality is associated almost with physical action, strength and fighting qualities. That is why the lawyer who throat tearing for his client in the process, most of the inhabitants will be recognized as good.

Confident tone, pressure, any form of emphasizing one's own respectability, competence and infallibility -- key to success with clients. By the word "successful" we do not at all mean, as it may seem, the success of legal proceedings - that is, the winning of the case. The case can be lost. Success is that the client, if not satisfied, then certainly should consider that the lawyer did his best.

The fulfillment of these commandments begins even at the stage of acquaintance with the case from the words of the client: “I am familiar with such cases, I know how to help you, I will try to do my best, but your case will require special efforts... ”and, often, a story of a similar case with a successful completion is given.

1. Each step should be endowed with great meaning..

Competent and respectable people do not do small and meaningless deeds) and therefore, any trifle is presented as something very significant: “I talked with the investigator today and pointed out to him significant (actually nonsense or meaningless) blunders in your case!”

2. A routine and obligatory conversation is presented as something “special”, plus “I'm all at work! I'm going all out for you!".

How much do we understand in the intricacies of jurisprudence, the Criminal or Civil Codes? I think no. I even think that many judges, being up to their ears in their work, do not know all the intricacies of the Law - there is no time to delve into them. It's a sin not to use it. And, often, bluffing lawyers make even judges (and even their less experienced colleagues) believe in the existence of certain “mistakes”, inaccuracies, unknown to the opposing side of the nuances. The client will be imbued with respect, the judge or an incompetent colleague will also Guilt(“How did I not know such a thing! ..”).

And then, when the decision has already been made, or the case has been lost by the misled party, the opponent lawyer will feel or find out the true state of affairs, he is unlikely to want to “spit on his bald head” a second time and admit his incompetence in the square. It will be easier to find an excuse for a stupid court decision and your own mistakes, and how to justify them with documents ...

This technique works especially effectively in the case when the lawyer of the other party is not full-time, but “invited” or new and, therefore, cannot know all the nuances of the case. He, as a rule, is lost and asks to postpone the case. This has an extremely negative effect on the court, especially if you comment on his confusion with sincere surprise: “Didn’t they tell you about this? ...Have you not seen this document? ... It is strange how, with your great experience, you did not see this document and did not ask your masters for it. It is directly relevant to the issue at hand."

This technique can unsettle even a very experienced lawyer.

It happens that in the reasoned part of the court decision, where the arguments of the parties were stated, there are rules of law that were not available and that were not referred to by any of the parties. For example, in an arbitration court, minutes of a court session are not kept at all, and it is impossible to restore the picture of the discussion.

Experienced lawyers often use the technique of " Bluff”, pretending to read, frankly misrepresent the rules of law on which they base their position. And oddly enough, the court believes it. The judge makes a short decision (“yes” or “no”) at the meeting, then writes a detailed justification within five days.

Often the judges make a decision under the influence of the moment, under the hypnotic influence of one of the parties.

The court simply does not have enough time to rummage through the rules of law. You will have 15-30 minutes to think about the decision. After that, the judge is obliged to read a short decision on the merits of the dispute, or postpone the case (time pressure). The judge can adjourn the case only up to three times. Therefore, the decision is made under the convincing influence of one of the parties and is emotional. And since in the five days that are allocated to the judge for writing the reasoned part, he can write anything, but he cannot change the decision itself.

As you can see it works here time trouble reception.

If the time pressure technique is used by judges, it is necessary to tactfully recall the principles of fairness and equality of the parties in the trial, to say about “objectivity”.

“Your honor, I think that your objectivity will not allow you to retire to make a decision without listening to the end of the position of the parties, especially since you are an experienced specialist and cannot but see that our provisions on this issue cannot but affect the decision in this case "...

"Dear court, I think that we should not violate the declared principles of fairness and equality of arms...".

Most decisions are made by the court emotionally..

It is only in books that there are doctors and lawyers who “equally care about the welfare/justice of others, regardless of their personal qualities, abstracting from their emotions. We are all human, and we cannot be free from emotions, especially when it comes to our own complexes.

Lawyers know this better than anyone and use it for emotional pressure on judges, jurors, witnesses, colleagues from the opposite side and other participants in the process.

They say to their colleague, a woman: “You don’t look well today! You have a stain on your dress.”

To the judge, the old maid, the hypocrite and the "champion of morality": "Your honor! Does this person, leading, as we have learned, a very dubious way of life, have a moral right to accuse my client of what he has done? »

Jurors: “Gentlemen! My client is as simple a man as you are. Imagine your loved ones in his place, would you like them to suffer the same fate that the respected Mr. Prosecutor asks for? »

No matter how sophisticated people they all are, but no, no, but the lawyer will touch some chord.

It's no secret that many judges hate lawyers.

Apparently, because in their eyes they are people who do justice, lawyers appear as prostitutes defending scum, knowingly guilty scoundrels and similar evil spirits for money. In a word, those who paid. Therefore, picking up the key to the judge is a very important point. An old, like the world, technique is being used: “ we are with you - one field of berries". For example, fellow countrymen, people of the same circle, fellow lawyers.

Knowing about the weaknesses or complexes of the judge, you can play on them, and try to make the judge feel sympathy for himself and for the client.

It is also important to “pressure”: to show that you are a strong lawyer backed by “certain forces”, that you will fight to the end and, if necessary, go to the authorities. Judges are often afraid that a self-confident, strong lawyer will send the case for review to higher authorities. Who wants to get in touch?

to the client: “I will break into a cake for you! See how I lay out"

to the judge, the jury: “I care for the cause of Truth! See how excited I am!”

or both: “See how competent I am! »

Excited or tired jurors can easily make a mistake (remember "Sunday" by L. Tolstoy), the task of emotional impact force to do necessary error.

In parallel, it is not bad to disable the attack - a colleague of the opposite side.

We have already spoken about the emotional side of the impact. But there are still techniques of dissipating attention, unsettling and social mimicry.

For example, you can ask a colleague for a single fountain pen “for a minute” and not rush to give it back so that she gets nervous and misses something important or makes a mistake.

It’s not bad to accuse a novice colleague of incompetence: “You are a professional and you perfectly understand that now you said something stupid! " (unsettling).

You can pretend to be a fool (mimicry) and start talking obvious nonsense - the opposite side will relax, deciding that they will win the deal with such an idiot, their arguments, the strength of which they now do not really care about, become weaker and at this time they are dealt a decisive blow.

You can also lull a colleague’s vigilance by offering him help, guardianship, a better job, and at the same time form in him a certain “immunity” to attack, a kind of projective guilt: “How much do they pay in your company? Not much! I could offer you a more interesting job."

Erotic manipulation with both colleagues and judges is a classic of manipulation in general. She does not need special comments.

Unfortunately, it is not uncommon for a judge to be directly bribed by a lawyer of an interested party. Moreover, it is easier for him to do this than for the relatives of the accused.

Two series of techniques have been named psychological karate and psychological aikido.

In the first case, brute pressure is used: a series of questions, interruption - “this is not relevant” (although it is very relevant), “everything is clear here, you can not continue”, asking questions like “yes” or “no”, when on In fact, it is simply impossible to answer.

In aikido, tactics are more subtle. The lawyer agrees with most of the arguments of the other side (especially if they are really strong and it is pointless to deny them). The attacker's attack "gets stuck" in courtesies. And here, against this background, counterarguments are given, inaccuracies and inconsistencies of the case are shown.

At the same time, a lawyer is courtesy itself. You can also put a colleague of a lawyer in an uncomfortable place where it is impossible to arrange documents normally, and take a comfortable one yourself.

Exceeding the waiting threshold.

Suppose the lawyer clearly sees that the case will take a maximum of five years, and, given the many extenuating circumstances, the court will give three. He also declares to the client that they have been waiting for him for all eight years, but he, the lawyer, "will achieve mitigation."

By overestimating the threshold of expectation, he simultaneously kills several birds with one stone: he increases his professional authority, shows concern for the client, and insures himself against failure.

Unfortunately, today, the time for beautiful performances has passed. Judges are no longer affected by incendiary emotional speech. Apparently the cynicism and the decline of the general culture, which has always valued rhetoric in itself, have done their job. Emotions can only touch the jury. With judges, things go better if the lawyer finds "punctures" in the case: inconsistencies, shortcomings, contradictions, weak arguments - and builds his defense on them.

Playing aside.

And what do you do when it fails? How to implement reception absolve yourself of guilt?

The best - put the blame on the client.

“You are to blame for hiding important (in fact, trifling) information from me! ... You misbehaved ... You lied ... Say thank you that you were not given more ... ".

You can blame the “complexity”, “speciality” of the case: “Your case is an equation with many unknowns” (playing aside).

Can pity: “I tried so hard, you saw! (And you don’t feel sorry for me!) It’s all the judge’s fault ... "(simultaneously it is also a transfer of guilt to the side or acting out to the side).

Memo.

Let us list again the techniques and psycho-complexes involved in the work of a lawyer.

· Paternalistic model of building relationships, that is, subordination up to suppression. Firstly, as the most suitable for post-Soviet culture, and secondly, as the most manipulative. It includes:

Þ patronizing, "fatherly" manners, turning into direct pressure; confident tone, categoricality, pressure.

Giving a "special" meaning to all, even minor or routine procedures, actions.

· Imitation of huge efforts.

· Personalized manipulation: playing on complexes, gender differences, prejudices.

Mimicry (pretending to be more stupid than it really is, presenting oneself as a “man of the people”).

· General manipulation:

Þ an appeal to feelings of guilt, duty, conscience, fear, pity.

Þ "unsettlement" through distraction, rudeness (shock methods).

Reception of "overestimation of the threshold of expectation".

"Playing aside".

Put yourself in the other person's shoes

Imagine that you are one of four witnesses to an accident: a motorcyclist collided with a car at an intersection. The police officer who will collect the evidence will probably listen to four versions of this story. Each witness will notice their own details and condense or filter the information received in their own way. It is this compressed interpretation of the event that will become their internal representation.

But the internal representations of different people differ significantly from each other. We are not only different delete, distort and generalize, but we also have different acuity of feelings.

In addition, personal characteristics are added to the cocktail of sensory information, which determines the difference in perception. These features are largely dependent on our beliefs, values and experiences. Even if we do not remember our childhood, it is still “imprinted” in our subconscious and now serves as a guide for us. Imagine that one of those who witnessed an accident is a traffic cop who deals with such incidents almost constantly. And the other is a mother who lost her 20-year-old son in a similar accident a week ago. The same incident will produce a completely different impression on different people. Naturally, their stories will not be similar to each other.

People often say:

- Get back to earth! What world do you live in?

These words betray an inability to understand another point of view. In fact, there is no "real" world - there is only our personal perception. Sometimes our perception coincides with the perception of other people, and sometimes they are radically different.

The basic assumption of NLP is that each of us has our own "map of the world" based on origin, culture, training, and personal history. Knowing how to use NLP helps us accept the fact that each person has their own map.

By learning to perceive events from different points of view, you will gain incredible flexibility. Like muscles, this ability can be trained and developed.

In NLP, we talk about different "positions" that help us see an event from different perspectives.

? 1st position: This is our own point of view, the starting point.

? 2nd position: This term describes the point of view of another person.

? 3rd position: You step back, step back, and become aware of both points of view.

Changing positions is always beneficial. The situation often calls for it. Awareness of these positions will help to more effectively cope with the situation or resolve the conflict.

Staying in only one position can create problems. We can all think of people who only operate in one position. People living in the first position are usually selfish and able to understand only their own point of view.

Those who spend most of their time in the second position are easily compromised by their own opinion (and sometimes they don’t have it at all). They are always ready to share someone else's point of view.

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If you are convinced that your interlocutor is wrong, then you are unlikely to be able to influence his opinion, let alone change it. People rarely admit they are wrong.

How to influence:

Imagine yourself in a similar situation
understand the point of view of the interlocutor,
accept his right to a personal opinion,
discuss the topic of disagreement,
find not only differences, but also common points in controversial points.

In everyday life, you have to communicate with people who have absolutely opposite beliefs than you. This is often seen in business relationships, such as between a customer and a manager, a leader and an employee. It's a shame when swearing and quarrels spoil the atmosphere of communication with relatives. “We speak different languages!”, “You don’t understand me at all!” - such reproaches interfere with the establishment of a peaceful conversation. Correcting the situation is not at all difficult if you change your approach to communication.

It is pointless to try to convince each other that you are right, it is much more important to understand what your opponent is suffering from or what is afraid of. An ugly act, most likely, has hidden reasons: a person is trying to attract attention, because he just wants sympathy or a modicum of care. Remember : if you show empathy for another person , it does not at all explain that you have abandoned your beliefs . By learning to understand the interlocutor, you will remain in an advantageous position:

conquer appreciation,
avoid quarrel,
keep your principles in contention.

Appreciate and respect yourself, allow yourself to have your own beliefs along with the ability to empathize and understand other people. The ability to look at the world through the eyes of another person is a secret conflict-free communication .

Portal for the student. Self-training

Workshop

How to put the interlocutor in place. Verbal Attack Techniques

Chapter 1.

The tongue is worse than the gun!

Chapter 2

Under the hood of the investigator

Chapter 3

ABOUT THE POOR VILLAIN SAY A WORD

How to influence:

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