Each person must understand one simple truth: there are no hopeless situations. All life problems can be solved. When grief happens, it's hard to believe that the pain can subside. But some time passes, and a person learns to live on, accepting reality as it is. How to find a way out of a hopeless situation? Read about it below.

Finding the real problem

A person needs to be aware of true reason his problems. People deceive themselves and do not try to eliminate the cause of their plight, but stubbornly treat the effect. How to find a way out of a hopeless situation? You need to understand how you got into a difficult situation and what can aggravate it. A person who has experienced some kind of grief (for example, the death of his parents) may think that his life is over. But the problem is not that the parents have died, but that the person feels lonely and is afraid to remain useless. This is the problem that needs to be addressed. When a person admits to himself that he is afraid of loneliness, he can turn to friends or to his soulmate. For a while, the support of another person can be comforting. And then, when the emotions from the loss of relatives subside, a person will need to come to terms with the idea that a person comes to this earth alone and, as a result, also remains alone.

Learn from everything

How to find a way out of a hopeless situation? One of the difficult but effective ways is to understand why fate gave you the opportunity to go through the test. A person is not given such problems that he could not survive. If you had a chance to go through the betrayal of a friend, then you needed to gain this experience. Any person gets exactly the experience that he needs. The person did not live up to your expectations, and you were upset? And who is to blame for this? Only you. Perhaps you are too demanding or you set the bar too high and people can't keep it up all the time. Learn to see something positive in all troubles. After all, life is a school that gives us lessons. Someone studies well, and therefore he has fewer problems in life, and negligent students always have a lot of problems. A person will step on a rake until he hits a bump and remembers that stepping on a rake is not worth it.

Don't look for someone to blame

People like to blame fate or their surroundings for all troubles. Such persons often reproach themselves for their mistakes. This is not worth doing. How to find a way out of a hopeless situation? First of all, you should realize that no one is to blame for your misfortunes. Take adversity and difficult situations as a life lesson or a chance to become better. Even if the fault was committed by your friend, you do not need to swear at him. Close people always do something good for you. Even if they do stupid things, their intentions are always good. Therefore, there is no need to complain that you have a bad environment. After all, right next to you are exactly the people you deserve. Is there something that doesn't suit you? Then change environment. If you want to change something in your life, then change it. But start with yourself. It is foolish to walk around and blame everyone for your failures, life will not change from this.

Brainstorm

How to quickly find a way out of a hopeless situation? One easy way is brainstorming. How to conduct it correctly? Sit in a quiet room and take a piece of paper. Record the time, no more than ten minutes. Until the alarm rings, you will need to write down options and ways to solve your problem. They may look different. Some of them will seem very sensible to you, while others will be too ridiculous. Write whatever comes to mind. There is no need to evaluate what is happening. You can do this later. In the allotted time, you need to write as many different scenarios as possible.

When the alarm rings, take a break or go about your business. You will need to return to the piece of paper after some time and evaluate what has been written. By reviewing the options for solving the problem, you will definitely find some good ways to get out of the impasse that you didn’t notice before.

Help a friend

Morning pages or diary

A person must understand that if he does not somehow change his life, then nothing in it will change. Simoron adhered to this opinion. How to find a way out of a hopeless situation? Psychologists say that the best doctor for a person is himself. You can help yourself if you try to get to know yourself better. How to do it? Start writing morning pages. You need to do this immediately after you wake up. Get out of bed and immediately sit down at the table. Don't get up because of him until you've written three pages. What should you write about? About anything. You must put on paper all your problems, fears, desires and unresolved problems. Along the way, you can make all sorts of plans, lists, and even find answers to your own questions. What is the essence of such a miraculous method? After waking up, a person has not yet completely departed from sleep and can maintain contact with his subconscious for some time. It will help answer a lot of questions.

If you don't have time to write in the morning, write in the evening. The diary will work worse than the morning pages, but the principle of working with it is the same. Be sure to set a bar for yourself. For example, do not write less than three pages. Only when you have completely spoken out the paper can you begin to look for a solution to your problems.

Goal setting

Have you heard of conspiracies? It is impossible to find a way out of a hopeless situation in this way. Witchcraft will not help a person. But what will really have a beneficial effect is goal setting. A person who does not know how to live on must come up with the goals of his existence. It can be desires or some kind of mission. Someone wants to make the world a better place, and someone will strive to write a novel or to realize their creative potential in another way.

Goals help a person see the light at the end of the tunnel. When a person knows that a bright future can await her ahead, it is enough just to make an effort, as life begins to play with new colors. When you find yourself in a difficult situation, think about what you have dreamed of all your life. It's time to make the dream come true.

Detailed study of the plan

How to find a way out of a hopeless situation? The advice will be like this. Write a list of goals and desires, and then think about how to make your dream come true step by step. You need to think through everything to the smallest detail. The planning stage cannot be skipped. Why? When a person has a paper with step-by-step actions in front of his eyes, it will be easier to get down to business. The plan helps to calm down and understand that the goal is quite achievable, you just need to make an effort.

The action plan should be as detailed as possible. It is clear that it is impossible to take everything into account. But you have to try. Think ahead of time about what could go wrong and how the mythic problems can be fixed. Having not only a main but also a backup plan, you will be able to act decisively. But always remember that the plan is only an approximate route. Never be afraid to change your plans to suit the situation.

Transition to action

Don't put off making your dreams come true. What to do in a hopeless situation? You should start with one small step. You need to do at least something from your list. And the main thing is regularity. Go to your intended goals. Let the steps be small, but they must be taken every day. Do you want to become a famous artist and get out of a creative block? Draw every day. It may seem to you that your creativity is mediocre. It does not matter. The main thing is that you pick up a pencil and draw every day without exception. Let it be 30 minutes first, then an hour, then three. Do not demand too much from yourself at once. Gradual work on yourself will surely give results.

Get out of your comfort zone more often

What should be the first aid in a hopeless situation? You need to get out of your comfort zone more often. A person who withdraws into himself and his world cannot move on. A person must understand that life goes on, and it can be bright and colorful. But in order to transform your gray everyday life, you need to take action. Sign up for the courses you've been dreaming about for a long time, or do something you'd never have done before. Adrenaline will help you feel the taste of life, and it will be easier for you to rehabilitate. A person who often leaves the comfort zone does not suffer from depression and rarely finds herself in hopeless situations. Why? The fact is that the human brain begins to work differently. He does not perceive difficulties as the end of the world, for him difficulties are an interesting task that must be solved in the shortest possible time.

Whoever you are and whatever you achieve, troubles can always happen, and it will seem to you that life will never get better. However, remember that your attitude is what matters, and here's how you can change it.

Zen Buddhist and Harvard professor Robert Waldinger, who leads the study on adult development, has been following 724 men for 75 years to understand what makes our lives happy.

It turns out that the basis of happiness is inclusion in the community and healthy relationships. To feel happy, you need to live surrounded by people who are ready to help.

Here are six ways to deal with the intense emotions that often accompany life's challenges. Sometimes they don't help directly solve the problem, but they provide clarity of vision, and that's a lot. Regardless of the outcome, your decisions will not be the result of fear - they will be justified.

1. Stop negative self-talk

First of all, you need to let go of limiting delusions, but it is equally important to stop negative self-talk by asking yourself:

• What facts for and against are available to me?
• Am I relying on facts or my own interpretations?
• Perhaps I am drawing hasty negative conclusions?
• How do I know if my thoughts are correct?
• Is there another way to look at this situation?
• Is the situation really as dire as it seems to me?
• Does this mindset help me reach my goals?

Sometimes it is enough to admit that you are indulging in self-deprecation in order to look at the problem from the other side.

2. Keep perspective

Your current problem in the context of your whole life is a mere trifle, it does not define you as a person, it is not a reflection of your entire history, your strengths and achievements.

We often see only what is right in front of us, forgetting about all the past positive experiences. Keep a holistic image of your life in mind and ask yourself:

• What can happen in the worst case? Is it likely?
• And at the best?
• What is most likely to happen?
• What will this mean five years from now?
• Perhaps I am giving too much importance to this issue?

3. Learn from your reactions

“There is a gap between stimulus and response, in that gap we have the freedom to choose our response. Our development and happiness depend on this choice,” Viktor Frankl.

How do you respond to a problem? What advice would you give to your best friend in this situation? At every moment we can completely control our reaction to any stimulus, and today psychology knows five ways to improve control over the reaction in a difficult situation:

• Think about what kind of person you would like to be
• Think about the meaning and origin of your reactions
• See the results of your actions
• Imagine a better answer
• Learn to treat yourself with compassion

4. Learn from the reactions of the other side

Harvard scholars have proven that using empathy in disagreement is essential to conflict resolution and is a critical prerequisite for a successful negotiation outcome.

5. Assess the situation from the position of an outside observer

If you are an observer, then you can go beyond the situation, discard emotions and follow your reaction.

With this level of self-awareness, even when in the middle of a conflict, you are aware of yourself and can separate your identity from the situation.

6. Seek outside help

In any situation where your own experience is not enough, look for wise advice. Suppress your ego and ask for a critical eye and constructive feedback, and once you're done, help others learn from your experience.

Remember that you and your problem are not one. A problem is just one aspect of your path, and it is also a source of growth. Do not run away from challenges, because they make us better. And when it seems that everything is lost, remember: this, too, will pass.

Prepared by Taya Aryanova

Immediately it is worth finding out from what hopeless situations in life you can look for a way out? About those in which the "care" of further existence takes the law into its own hands, and it is not worth thinking about. There is no way out of such situations - they need to be accepted and adapted.

Here at the stage "adapt" and you will have to mobilize yourself, as they do when the solution of the problem depends on themselves.

What to do in a hopeless situation?

A hopeless situation is a set of problems that seem to grow like a snowball rolling down a mountain. It rarely happens that there is only one problem. It is worth swaying, and the number of troubles increases. The usual practice is that in such a situation, a person first of all begins to look for the culprit of what happened, loses time, feels sorry for himself.

This is not constructive - in adults, problems rarely resolve on their own, and it is impossible to forget about existing troubles.

In children, the decision can be made by parents, but here you have to figure it out yourself. How to find a way out of a hopeless situation and what to do if everything in life is “bad”?

Where to go in case of serious problems

In case of a desperate situation, you need to turn to yourself. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and try to analyze what is happening.

Then you should cast aside stupid pride and call for help from everyone who can help in some way. It can be close friends, distant, former friends. If the situation is really serious, then you should try to find common ground with negative people. Previously, in such cases, the expression was used - "beat the alarm". It is very likely that during communication it will be possible to find a way out of the impasse.

At the same time, it is necessary to draw up an action plan, which includes a real assessment of events and the possibility of action.

1. You need to take a position - difficulties are necessary in order to prove your worth. So, one should not cry, but thank fate for the test;
2. Then they write down their thoughts - what they think about what happened, what needs to be done first of all, what feelings lurk in the depths of their souls. Sad emotions should be discarded;
3. Then they figure out where to turn in a hopeless situation, collect information, calculate options for solving problems: where to go, what papers are needed, what prevents them from doing it now ..;
4. The more options, the better. Let some of them be the most fantastic, but crumbs of truth can also be hidden in them. You need to throw at least 15-20 options. You can even dream how "it will be all plain sailing". The soul will become easier;
5. They schedule the mode of appeals and walking through the authorities - sometimes you need to draw up a minute-by-minute schedule in order to be in time everywhere;
6. We must try to recruit assistants who will provide at least minimal assistance. In order to bring a piece of paper, it will not take much time, and why not ask a friend who works next to the desired office or organization.

Having drawn up a detailed action plan, you need to fully mobilize yourself to achieve success and not deviate from what was planned. But you should always consider alternative situations - if the plan has failed, the actions are corrected.

Psychological problems

Thinking about whether there is a way out of a hopeless situation, one must not forget about the psychological problems that appeared after realizing the severity of the situation. You should take yourself away from depression, which often appears when you realize your own powerlessness or in stressful situations.

You can't close. You have to try to reach out to people. It can be old friends and barely familiar people - let life boil around.

Next, you should act on your own character. Someone needs to speak out, another to try to remove the experience away. You can advise to turn to God, go to the temple - communication with religion helps to ease the soul.

But one should not go to extremes on the path of knowledge - there are sects that find "victims" for themselves among desperate people, so one cannot blindly trust new acquaintances. If for a while you had to leave active life, you should take this as a gift of fate. While there is an opportunity, you need to go in for sports, self-education, expand your intellect, go to a hairdresser and change your image. This will help you become more creative and achieve further success.

Everyone has their own methods of overcoming obstacles:

• go to nature;
• arrange shopping;
• constantly visit noisy companies;
• internet communication.

If you have a dream, now is the time to make it come true.

Jumping with a parachute or from a tower, throwing junk out of the house, making peace with the enemy or getting a dog - the “feat” will make you mobilize to fight difficulties. It is necessary to facilitate your own existence as much as possible in order to “emerge” full of strength in the future.

Out of crisis situations, there are 3 exits - you need to choose the best one for yourself.

1. Look for solutions to the current problem, having previously understood why it arose;
2. Accept the situation and just go with the flow without making any effort to overcome it. To designate the crisis as a passed stage, and in the future not to focus on the past, trying to forget it faster. Yes, you will have to put up with a lot, but sometimes this is the only way to avoid serious losses and not change the circumstances you are used to.

It is worth dwelling on this method in more detail. family situation. If you don’t want to change the existing way of life, then you shouldn’t fight for a “partner”. Most likely, he is waiting for the first step. There will be no step, everything will end on its own.

Work problems. It is very difficult to simply tell a person about dismissal. If he himself does not begin to recognize and “twitch”, then the indecisive boss retreats for a while, and in the future the conversation may not take place at all.

Today we will talk about situations where there is no point in living and about the people who found themselves in them and made a fatal choice, as well as about those who continued to live.

What situations can be called hopeless or those in which people lose the meaning of life? The criteria for hopelessness depend on several factors. From the personality of the person himself, from the intensity of experiences, internal and external causes of the difficulties that have arisen.

There is a fragile nervous system, when a traumatic event causes a stupor or hysteria a little more than usual, there is a strong nervous system, when a person accumulates everything in himself, holding his nose up, and then one failure becomes the last straw ...

The intensity of experiences is associated not only with the personal characteristics of a person, or with objective external problems, but also with a person’s attitudes. For some, the loss of a highly paid, prestigious job is one of the main losses of life, for another, the loss of a loved one will be similar ... A series of failures makes someone stronger, but finishes someone off. And the one whom a series of failures made stronger in his youth - in old age, a newly appeared black streak can lead to a state of depression.

We will talk about serious problems, and not about the whims of teenagers who confused reality with the game and completely absurd cases when people came to despair because of nonsense. I doubt whether the suicide of a 17-year-old girl “tired” of life, who had everything: appearance, loving parents, friends, health, a good financial situation thanks to her parents, was really a hopeless drama, but she was simply attracted by black butterflies in the night against subtle sadness after another hookah smoking ... And this black hole, having grown from a grain, poisoned the soul and led to tragedy. The reasons for leaving are either oversaturation with life, depreciation of life, or mental problems.

But it is precisely such stories, when people seem to have everything, both from the subjective and objective side, without separation from loved ones, losses, debts, problems climb into the noose - there are more. Psychologists call one of the versions of this behavior

the growth of cities, high-rise buildings, faceless offices, the reduction of natural areas. It seems to be an absurd reason - urbanization, but if you look at it, everything is natural: a person is lost in the chaos of soulless gray anthills with floor-to-ceiling windows, where everyone becomes a cog in a system that fights for empty goals. Residential buildings in densely populated areas are planted like mushrooms after rain: one opposite the other, in a bunch, sometimes there is only one playground for five 20-story buildings, one tree per block.

In this collection of fragile stone skyscrapers, the connection with nature is lost, a person often feels worthless, small, lost. And those who grew up in such conditions, and almost did not know a different life, live with an understanding of the normality of the fact that a soulless city is the whole world. This already forms in their character an easy attitude towards the devaluation of life, indifference to the death of their own and their own kind, since human life has long merged with the stone wall of another skyscraper.

Do you know the city of Shanghai in China? The dirtiest city in the world, filled with tall houses, towers, shopping centers, smoky, filled with factories, industries, cars. And also in China, the highest suicide rate in the world ... Strange coincidence, don't you think??

The percentage of depression, mental disorders has increased significantly in recent years. And both situations deserving sympathy and antics due to whims occur against the backdrop of urbanization, the depreciation of life, which doubly aggravates the situation of both.

And there is another trend - the people actively accuse others of being weak-willed, but more and more often each of us finds himself in the position of those convicted by us yesterday ..

I analyzed the reaction of the “public” to several sad stories that have happened over the past year. And below I will tell about the results. The public is, of course, viewers and observers of the Internet.

The mother killed herself and three children. The beginning of spring, the pre-election euphoria, did not actively make this case public. That did not stop people from washing the bones of victims, potential perpetrators for a couple more weeks on the Internet.

The first reaction after the news of the incident: people write that they are in shock, they say, how could they take babies with them to the Other World, they blame the government for having brought the people to lack of money, emptiness, loans, debts, that the mother probably despaired, could not feed the children.

A little later, new details come from neighbors, verbose, talkative relatives, friends, acquaintances, who for some reason did not help the woman during her lifetime, but revived after her death. She was recently divorced, she was about 40 years old, her ex-husband was the same age. He found a mistress much younger, gave birth to a child, sued his ex-wife in order to take the children away, while his mistress never saw them with his own eyes.

The mother seems to have despaired, life lost its meaning and decided to end her suffering by killing herself and taking her children with her so that they would not remain useless to anyone.

At the same time, the family was not a beggar: a large apartment, relatives helped, the children were well dressed.

What really pushed the woman to this step - we will never know. But this is not necessary, it is more important to understand that not only specific thoughts, actions can push a person to a fatal choice, but also an affective dead end, when in a moment everything seems hopeless, final and the only way out is death. Psychiatrists also call this state narrowing of consciousness.

In another period of life, the same person copes with difficulties to the envy of all enemies, and in another period, it seems that he breaks down and admits the thought that he will not be able to cope. This snowball winds up and one little thing becomes fatal.

Forensic psychiatrist Vinogradov (often his opinion is shown in stories in people who have committed high-profile crimes) calls one of the reasons when a mother kills children - hatred of her husband (former or present, or simply the father of children). And in children, she wants to kill the image of her father, to avenge him for everything through the murder of children. She can be calm, accumulate everything in herself, restrain herself, holding a grudge against her husband, enduring his negativity, but at some point her patience bursts and the state of passion covers everything. Either this is not an affect, but a cold disgust for her husband, children who are from him. At the same time, very often such mothers themselves cannot kill themselves.

Another reason: the mother could love the children, but at some point they began to interfere with her .. to arrange a personal life and the like. And she takes out all the accumulated evil on them.

Situations when mothers leave with their children themselves - others for motives ... Revenge on the ex-husband can also be involved, but also humanistic motives, they say, no one will need children without a mother. Or the whole world of the mother collapsed after some terrible events for her (the house burned down, the war, the betrayal of her husband, his death, etc.) and she, not wanting and not finding the strength to experience this grief, understands that life will never be like before.

And a woman who is in a state of a broken psyche and depression is not capable of living in a new way, therefore she sees the only way out is to kill herself and those who formed the basis of her world.

The Internet, social networks give people the opportunity to get bread and circuses sitting on a comfortable sofa without leaving home. And often those who condemn the same desperate mother do it because there is nothing to do. What kind of versions were not put forward by the people in a couple of days, as soon as they did not condemn her, they did not pour mud on her.

And only an adequate person will be able to understand that in such situations it is not necessary to judge by the first intuition ... And she may not be sick, but simply at some point believed in the illusion that there is no way out. Perhaps if she had survived for some time, all yesterday's circumstances would have seemed absurd and unworthy of her to say goodbye to life because of them, but she did not survive. And it's her choice...

Or another situation. A woman's husband dies and the house burns down. Three children remain in their arms, they live with their mother in temporary housing, they are trying to restore the old house, the mother works three jobs, but there is still little money, there was no help from the state. Due to the lack of male upbringing and other problems, the eldest son began to run away from home, to hooligan, he was registered in the police room, and the social services took care of the family, which at one point removed the children from the woman. The mother was so desperate that she roared unrestrainedly, and then she simply committed suicide, because she did not see life without children.

And even here, couch commentators reproached the mother for weakness, for not having endured temporary troubles and did not continue to fight. And where was everyone when she was alive and the family could be helped? Where was the same state, why didn’t they allocate a house to the family? Why didn't they help financially? The mother is not an alcoholic, she took care of the children and loved them. Why do our social services sometimes do not help the family, but finish off normal people, drive them to suicide? What did they achieve in the end? Are the kids better now? Without a mother and in an orphanage, with life-long psychological trauma, complete orphans?

In this situation, the mother, who experienced a series of severe psycho-traumatic events (the death of her husband, the loss of a home) and lived in difficult conditions (three jobs, her eldest son ran away, reproaches from social services) - the removal of children was the last straw, there was an acute impulsive reaction to all the troubles against the background of exhausted state of the nervous system. Perhaps if someone supported a woman, she survived a couple of days, gathered her strength, she would go to fight, win back her children, but she simply broke down in an instant due to an impulsive influx of emotions.

Another woman came to the capital, fleeing her tyrant husband, undocumented, non-Russian, with two children. It is not clear how, but without documents, she got a job - washing floors, rented a room in a communal apartment. But the money was barely enough to make ends meet. She did not tell anyone about her troubles, mother and children were friendly. The woman was fired from her job, they were left without a livelihood. The neighbors in the communal apartment will later say that they did not hear complaints at all and that the family did not know without food, the woman was friendly, but reserved. They suspected something was wrong when the family did not leave the room for two days. They opened the doors, and there were dead mother and children. And a note with the words "there is no strength to live on, the hardest thing is when there is no one around and no one can help."

Sofa commentators also reproached the mother that she did not go to ask for help, did not try to fight. How does anyone know how much and how she fought? And to ask for help ... Here comes a man to ask for help, and they will also pour mud on him and send him to work without rest. Before my eyes, there was a situation when a family (mother, children, without a father) remained on the street. The mother is good, she took care of the children - they turned to the authorities - only standard phrases and replies in response.

Another situation: a mother with children lived in an emergency dilapidated house, cement was pouring from the walls and ceiling from huge cracks, the authorities were obliged to allocate temporary housing, then relocate the family to normal permanent conditions. The mother achieved resettlement through the court, so the mayor's office also began to appeal this decision, believing that the family could continue to live in the house, which is now literally collapsing.

Sometimes the media act and appeals to caring citizens (and the media need to be addressed many times), who themselves know what troubles are ... But the woman from our story may have been so intimidated by her husband, a tyrant, or by the society in which she used to be, that she did not believe anyone and I couldn't scream about my troubles...

Or a situation where people lose their families in an instant. For example, a daughter with her grandchildren flew to her mother and died in a plane crash along with her children. Her mother buried her husband a couple of years ago. How and why should a mother live? Usually, the state after the loss of a loved one is called post-traumatic stress syndrome, a depressive episode.

But here the syndrome is multiplied several times. Many in old age live for the sake of their grandchildren, children, and when they are all lost in an instant, life loses its meaning.

Or: once upon a time there was a family, a wife, a husband, two children, the husband took the children from their grandmother from a suburban village and at the turn into the city there was an accident - everyone died, the mother was waiting at home ... How and why should the mother continue to live?

And men lose their families.. I remember the story about Vitaly Kaloev, who killed the controller of a crashed plane with passengers flying on board, including his wife, son and daughter Kaloev. It always seems to me that men are easier to experience the loss of loved ones, because their parental instinct is less pronounced, but there are situations when men were also hard pressed.

Those who say that everything will be fine and we need to live on, knocking on the shoulder haggard from grief and tears, most likely do not even delve into other people's troubles and they do not care about this grief ... During such periods, you can only be close to a person. In a couple of months, when it becomes easier for him, he himself will decide to live on. And those who are completely alone in such tragedies very often decide to take a fatal step, because they see no way out, cannot endure the heartache from the loss of dear people, and no one is around.

It is very difficult to give advice from outside. In our ordinary state, it is impossible for us to imagine what a person experiences who has lost his family or who is desperate to achieve something, finding himself in poverty and tired of the blows of fate.

But still, if you try to survive acute periods of grief, at some point it becomes easier, a new meaning to life appears.

Believers say that Satan can push to suicide and depression, because he is a murderer, and by any means inclines people to sin, especially to such a fatal step. Despair and grief can and should be experienced - according to Christianity, nothing is worth dropping your hands and putting a noose around your neck. You can go to church and ask for help - after all.

Those who experienced great grief, overcame incredible difficulties, later, to the answer “why live on?”, They answered that then, in difficult moments, they sometimes lived out of habit, sometimes reassuring themselves with the thought that there are those for whom you need to live or relatives who have gone to another world would not like to see the unfortunate survivor.

And when the difficult moments passed, and it became easier - people said that life is worth living in order to help others overcome difficulties, to tell their children that the strength of the spirit is able to survive in "hell" and all these reserves are in a person, he can overcome a lot.

Whoever you are and whatever you achieve, troubles can always happen, and it will seem to you that life will never get better. However, remember that your attitude is what matters, and here's how you can change it.

Zen Buddhist and Harvard professor Robert Waldinger, who leads the study on adult development, has been following 724 men for 75 years to understand what makes our lives happy.

It turns out that the basis of happiness is inclusion in the community and healthy relationships. To feel happy, you need to live surrounded by people who are ready to help.

Here are six ways to deal with the intense emotions that often accompany life's challenges. Sometimes they don't help directly solve the problem, but they provide clarity of vision, and that's a lot. Regardless of the outcome, your decisions will not be the result of fear - they will be justified.

1. Stop negative self-talk

First of all, you need to let go of limiting delusions, but it is equally important to stop negative self-talk by asking yourself:

• What facts for and against are available to me?
• Am I relying on facts or my own interpretations?
• Perhaps I am drawing hasty negative conclusions?
• How do I know if my thoughts are correct?
• Is there another way to look at this situation?
• Is the situation really as dire as it seems to me?
• Does this mindset help me reach my goals?

Sometimes it is enough to admit that you are indulging in self-deprecation in order to look at the problem from the other side.

2. Keep perspective

Your current problem in the context of your whole life is a mere trifle, it does not define you as a person, it is not a reflection of your entire history, your strengths and achievements.

We often see only what is right in front of us, forgetting about all the past positive experiences. Keep a holistic image of your life in mind and ask yourself:

• What can happen in the worst case? Is it likely?
• And at the best?
• What is most likely to happen?
• What will this mean five years from now?
• Perhaps I am giving too much importance to this issue?

3. Learn from your reactions

“There is a gap between stimulus and response, in that gap we have the freedom to choose our response. Our development and happiness depend on this choice,” Viktor Frankl.

How do you respond to a problem? What advice would you give to your best friend in this situation? At every moment we can completely control our reaction to any stimulus, and today psychology knows five ways to improve control over the reaction in a difficult situation:

• Think about what kind of person you would like to be
• Think about the meaning and origin of your reactions
• See the results of your actions
• Imagine a better answer
• Learn to treat yourself with compassion

4. Learn from the reactions of the other side

Harvard scholars have proven that using empathy in disagreement is essential to conflict resolution and is a critical prerequisite for a successful negotiation outcome.

5. Assess the situation from the position of an outside observer

If you are an observer, then you can go beyond the situation, discard emotions and follow your reaction.

With this level of self-awareness, even when in the middle of a conflict, you are aware of yourself and can separate your identity from the situation.

6. Seek outside help

In any situation where your own experience is not enough, look for wise advice. Suppress your ego and ask for a critical eye and constructive feedback, and once you're done, help others learn from your experience.

Remember that you and your problem are not one. A problem is just one aspect of your path, and it is also a source of growth. Do not run away from challenges, because they make us better. And when it seems that everything is lost, remember: this, too, will pass.

Prepared by Taya Aryanova