Everyone in childhood was told that lying is not good. But the older we get, the more we neglect this rule and find a variety of excuses for ourselves...

Psychologists believe that in most cases, lying in relationships can be avoided, and talking about the need to lie is just an excuse for one's own inability to build relationships in the family.

Let's see in what cases we prefer to tell a lie and why this happens.

For your own peace of mind

Sometimes it’s easier to promise your wife to fulfill her request, which you don’t even think of fulfilling, than to listen to her reproaches on the topic “here are other husbands ...”

How to be. This indicates your inability to defend your interests. It is possible that at work you prefer to remain silent and do nothing than to express your opinion on a controversial issue. Of course, sorting things out with raised voices is not the best way out either in communication with family or with colleagues. But expressing your position and unwillingness to do anything, for example, to go with your wife to the country this weekend, is better than just keeping silent. You will be surprised, but sometimes a well-timed explanation solves many problems. After all, it may turn out that the wife did not really want to go to the country.

To spare the feelings of loved ones

For example, if the wife is jealous, then the story that a colleague asked you to drive home and because of this you were late is fraught with a family quarrel. It's easier to say that you were delayed because of the weekly report.

How to be. There is a clear lack of trust in your relationship. And it doesn’t matter if it’s because your woman is not confident in herself, or you have already given her a reason to doubt you. It is important that you compose out of the blue. And if such a lie is once revealed, it will be very difficult for you to prove that "in fact, nothing happened!"

For your own benefit

It is very convenient to keep silent about the fact that you received the award, and then dispose of it not for the benefit of the family, but for your own personal pleasure. Or “forget” to say that you finish work early and keep up with your child in kindergarten.

How to be. The problem here is most likely yours. For some reason, it seems to you that the world should revolve exclusively around you and your desires. And you seem to be afraid once again to do a good deed. Perhaps you are really underestimated in the family. But, instead of silently “taking what is yours” and feeling guilty, it is better to speak frankly about your desire to spend the bonus on your own needs. Or explain to the rest of the family that you may have your own plans, and therefore you simply won’t have time to go to kindergarten.

To seem better

It is important for someone to look successful and in demand, for someone young and beautiful. Therefore, the praise of the boss in our stories turns into his desire to promote us, and the interested look of a stranger on the street - into the masses of your fans.

How to be. This behavior is typical of children who struggle to be worthy of the love of their parents. But after all, you have already grown up and understand that you love not for some specific virtues. Raise your self-esteem, treat yourself with respect and love. And then you do not have to prove anything to your loved ones.

Out of courtesy

Indeed, there are situations when it is simply impossible to tell the truth. Well, do you admit to your mother-in-law that the pies did not work out for her? And how do you tell relatives that they bought a terrible gift for you?

How to be. Of course, having said honestly that both the pies and the gift are no good, you risk greatly injuring a loved one. But if you continue to remain silent, then you risk no less: every time you visit, there are tasteless pies or receive monstrous gifts. There is always a delicate way out of the situation. Focus not on criticism, but on a constructive suggestion. That is, explain how it was necessary, and do not scold for what turned out badly.

To hide the deceit

One lie almost always leads to another. You have come up with urgent matters so as not to go to the country, and now you have to tell a new “fairy tale” - already about these very non-existent cases. And this story will require inventing new allegedly truthful details. And so it can be ad infinitum.

How to be. Of course, we are all imperfect, and sometimes it is easier for us to lie than to tell the truth. And yet, try to muster up the courage and admit that you lied before. It will become easier for you yourself, because with a lie you offend your loved ones.

By the way

Foreign studies have found that people who lie endlessly are more likely to get sick. And even summed up under this scientific explanation. After all, a lie makes a person nervous, worried. That is, a person who cheats is in a state of constant stress. And that, in turn, undermines the immune system. Hence the disease. So sincerity is good not only for relationships, but also for health.

Text Psychology:

Telling the truth is taught from childhood, explaining that it is bad to deceive another person, it will only bring trouble and suffering. In addition, a lie is disrespectful to the interlocutor and it is revealed quickly. There will be no trust in such a person. But there are other lies - for good. Is there really a lie for good? How can you justify a lie told in person? Proponents of honesty and openness definitely say that nothing. Lying is a great sin on the soul and a burden on the conscience. A person who dares to lie must then constantly remember his lie, look for confirmation of it, and therefore lie again and again. It will be very difficult to get out of the vicious circle and it would be better to immediately repent, tell the whole truth, clear your conscience.

When lies are salvation

But life cannot be driven into the framework of only good or bad, it is multifaceted and represented by many shades. Therefore, those who think in extremes and follow too strict principles, in the end, find themselves in a real dilemma. Lying is one of those things. How can one say at the bedside of a sick person that he has only a few months left to live, if the hope of recovery is the only thing that has so far helped him cope with the disease? And how to tell a small child that his mother is not his mother? Or confess to elderly parents that their son is not leading the honest life that he talks about?

Sometimes a lie is a defense for the person being lied to. After all, the truth is not needed in every case. Sometimes the truth is the only thing that can harm and even kill a person. In this case, it is wiser, more merciful to resort to lies, especially if there is hope that the truth will never be known, and a lie can save someone's life.

What to choose - lie or truth?

The truth should be more preferable for all types of relationships: friendship, family, family ties, business relationships. In life, it is the truth that is saving for people in most situations, it allows you to create trusting relationships, be open and honest, live in peace with yourself and with other people. But the saving power of lies also cannot be dismissed for some situations. You cannot destroy families or friendships with one carelessly spoken word just because the word is true. Leaving events in the past, forgetting grievances, keeping silent about some troubles is also part of human life, which allows people to stay together for a long time.

A person himself must evaluate each situation and decide how best, kinder and more merciful to act in each specific case: to tell the truth or to hide it. After all, it is important not only to always be absolutely truthful and honest, but also to be, above all, a kind and wise person, not to harm another, but to do everything for his good.

Finding out that a loved one has been lying all these years, maybe even to save the feelings of a loved one, can greatly offend a vulnerable woman. But the man does not believe that he was lying, he simply did not say some details on a certain issue, because this concerns only him.

Yes, an incorrigible liar, Baron Munchausen did not lie, incredible things actually happened to him, just no one believed him. You should not rashly label your man an incorrigible liar, perhaps he just did not say one thing in order to save the feelings of his beloved wife. If a man lied that he had lost money, and under the mattress, or as it is now fashionable, there are a lot of zeros on his bank account. It is possible that this innocent False will lead to a huge surprise - the second honeymoon trip.

Who in relations main?
If a loved one lies at every step, then perhaps the woman herself and his strict childhood are to blame. This does not mean at all that this man, as a boy, was an incorrigible liar, just that he had to hide the truth. Since he was severely punished for tricks. And having become an adult man, deep down he remains that little boy and is afraid of punishment only now from his wife. If a man lies with a fright, then, then, in relations dominated by a woman, and she suppresses him with her tough character. Men call such women moms, they will pat on the head when everything is in order and will scold in case of malfunctions. From here there are two ways to forget about your childhood or change your tyrant wife.

Treason and False
Treason and False two concepts that always go side by side. A man will never reveal to his wife that he has an affair on the side, even if their marriage initially involved only an agreement. Not one woman, whether she loves her husband or not, will not tolerate infidelity. Therefore, men begin to compose fairy tales about meeting classmates, going to the steam room with friends, or about urgent car repairs. But someday the lies will come out anyway, and then he will have to endure unpleasant, but fair two words addressed to him - an incorrigible liar. Yes, it is no longer possible to correct such a person, but the point here is not at all the fact of a lie, but the fact that once he has stepped on the side, he will never return to the beaten track.

Hero halo
When meeting a loved one, he could lie that he is a descendant of a noble family and that he should soon be left an inheritance. Such False or something similar to it could be said because the man seriously fell in love with the girl standing next to him and thought that without such a tale, she simply would not pay attention to him. If a False didn’t come out right away, then you don’t need to pounce on your chosen one with accusations, because he just wanted to look better in the eyes of his girlfriend. Why now inquire into the truth and put him in an awkward position. The best option is to turn this situation into a joke and laugh at the situation together. Such a man truly sincerely loves his beloved, and he does not deserve the name of an incorrigible liar.

Jealousy and False
If a wife or just a beloved girl is too jealous, then a loving man will endure her accusations and continue to love his one and only, or simply get himself a more complaisant woman. In the first case, a man, in order to avoid constant questions and accusations, will have to lie. For example, working in a women's team, he will need to change all names to men's. This is False in good to comfort his precious wife and keep the family happy. But even False with the best of intentions, sooner or later it will be revealed and it will be even worse. This can lead to a scandal or worse, to a break in relations. Therefore, it is better to discuss all problems openly, and not lie to each other. According to http://raut.ru/

Today we will talk about lying for the good, whether such a phenomenon occurs at all, and who usually uses this method of manipulation and even deceit for ethical and even good purposes. In the last article, we have already discussed in detail why there is cunning and manipulation, and how you can use it for your own purposes, while not causing much discomfort to others.

Moreover, we use the trick so often that we don’t even notice it ourselves, because even to photograph a squirrel in the park, you have to pretend that you came to feed the squirrels, even if you actually came only to photograph them.

After all, the squirrel itself will not come to you, so even here it is necessary using a strategy, give her what she needs so that she does what you need. It seems to be innocent and banal, but it is also a little trick and a real manipulation of the squirrel, because she thinks that you are doing one thing, and you are doing something completely different, and use her for her own purposes, to which she has nothing to do at all, and she is completely to nothing.

Is it moral to use cunning for good?

But note that I am not saying that it is necessary to directly deceive, deceive, or even harm others. Indeed, in this example, we absolutely do not want to harm the animal, we just want to take a picture with it, and at the same time do a good deed, feed it. That is, as a result of this "deception or lie for the good" both parties win.

On the contrary, the best strategy of manipulation and deceit in life (if it is really necessary) is to maximize the benefit of all involved, this is an ideal trick and there is nothing unmoral in it. This should be the maximum moral deception, then the surrounding people will not suffer from it, but rather only receive benefits from it.

About cunning and lies in the Qur'an

Remember, only a fool does what is disadvantageous to him and others. And yes, if a person uses deceit or lies solely for their own purposes, then he is more likely a criminal. But if deception and manipulation is used for the common good, then most of the world's religions will even support it.

For example, if you lie and because of this, entire nations and many people remain alive, this is a great holiness and benefactor, at least it is written in the Koran and many spiritual books of the world.

And there it is very clearly noted that, however, leading to death and destruction is a great sin, and such a terrible sin falls not only on one person, but on his entire family.

Use of cunning and deceit in religion

And strangely enough, a lie is sometimes good, but the truth is evil. , as I wrote recently, people won in almost all holy scriptures. This is also stated in the Indian Vedas, one of the recognized wisest books on the planet, the warriors won in this way, and Krishna himself always resorted to it if there was no other way out.

The meaning of the real knowledge of Omar Khayam, according to many researchers, is hidden by 21 veils, that is, re-encrypted 21 times in a row, and the greatest sages of our world are still racking their brains over the parables of the great Buddha. All these people did not hesitate to cheat.

Yes, and Moses in the Bible went along the path to the sea with his people, instead of waiting for the Egyptians to catch up with them and return them to slavery, although this can also be attributed to dishonest methods. And I'm not talking about David and his famous deceit and "even murder for good", who defeated the famous strong man and giant Goliath with cunning and dexterity.

The legend says that he just suddenly took out a stone and threw it with the help of a leather belt right into the forehead of the great warrior, who at that time was mocking David and even blaspheming God himself.

Naturally, without demonstrating to the last what weapon he actually decided to fight with. Moreover, at that time, only for distraction, he held a wooden staff in his hand, clearly hinting that it would be him who would fight.

Speaking in ordinary Russian words, he simply deceived and killed the enemy in a dishonest way, not according to the rules and in an unequal fight. But at the same time, he saved a large army of Israel, and possibly all of Israel, and a huge number of people with his dishonorable, but for history very valuable and significant act, which people have been glorifying for more than 2 thousand years and will remember at least as many more.

smart people act wisely

Therefore, smart and even spiritual people act because it is beneficial for them and other people. Naturally, sometimes it is more beneficial to them, sometimes more beneficial to others, but smart people, at least never act in a way that is not beneficial to them or others. This is called stupidity, and there are so many fools in the world, let's better be different from them, no matter what.

And if you start yelling when they decide to rob you and run into a knife yourself, then this will be rather stupidity, not heroism. And if at the same time you still endanger the lives of your loved ones, then even a serious crime on your part.

An example of cunning and lies for good

For example, if someone attacks a girl on the street threatening her with a knife or a gun, and instead of quietly approaching and hitting the villain on the head with a brick from behind, you rush another 150 meters and yell not to touch her.

Only the most naive and not far-sighted people do this, because in the end, due to your thoughtless behavior, 2 corpses may appear, yours and that girl’s, instead of one caught dangerous criminal who will take an unknown number of lives.

Truth without wisdom is very dangerous

It turns out that such honesty led to very sad consequences and the deaths of many people, solely because of the lack of wisdom, although at the same time the person had a really sincere desire to help. Therefore, it can be authoritatively stated that the truth on the lips without wisdom in the head is much more dangerous for a person than any trick.

And even the great sages do not tell everything they know in one day, but hide the wisdom they have been accumulating for decades, otherwise everything will simply mix up in the head of their students, and they will become even more confused and even more stupid than they were before.

Therefore, they wisely divide knowledge into parts or tell incomprehensible parables so that the student himself guesses their true meaning. Only then the student, having worked a little with his own head and reflecting on the essence of the parable, truly understands the information and lessons of the sage.

And the point is not that it is a pity for the teacher to tell everything at once, but it is simply the only way for an ordinary person not only to hear but also to understand, and later to be able to apply knowledge. Therefore, some teachers at the beginning of teaching sometimes even specially teach students, in ways that are not entirely truthful, in order to bring the student to the truth as quickly as possible.

Perfect Deception

Moreover, wise people are sometimes so good at cunning, wisdom and ingenuity that they are able to literally turn the world upside down around them in just days, like Diogenes in one of the famous parables when he fell into slavery.

After all, when the famous philosopher Diogenes himself got into such a situation, he decided, if he were to sell himself, then not as a slave, but immediately as a master to the person who bought him, and began to shout:

Citizens are good! Who wants to buy their own owner? Who wants to buy the owner, hurry here! And in the end, he sold himself as the owner, also at an inflated price, and the buyer himself also decided to pay the slave trader for such a successful acquisition.

And for sure, this sage further made the person who bought it many times richer, more successful and happy. So I think that buying such a "brazen" slave, who also will tell you what to do, was the best acquisition in his life.

Such is the path of real wisdom and the correct psychology of cunning, which is sometimes capable of making a master’s slave literally in one day or one of the richest people from a poor man, which we will talk about in other articles, and which I talk about in detail. And also do not forget to read on our portal of learning and self-development, and about how two important components of our science are about cunning, lying for the good and useful manipulation.

Is there really a lie for good? How can you justify a lie told in person? Proponents of honesty and openness definitely say that nothing. Lying is a great sin on the soul and a burden on the conscience. A person who dares to lie must then constantly remember his lie, look for confirmation of it, and therefore lie again and again. It will be very difficult to get out of the vicious circle and it would be better to immediately repent, tell the whole truth, clear your conscience.

When lies are salvation

But life cannot be driven into the framework of only good or bad, it is multifaceted and represented by many shades. Therefore, those who think in extremes and follow too strict principles, in the end, find themselves in a real dilemma. Lying is one of those things. How can one say at the bedside of a sick person that he has only a few months left to live, if the hope of recovery is the only thing that has so far helped him cope with the disease? And how to tell a small child that his mother is not his mother? Or confess to elderly parents that their son is not leading the honest life that he talks about?

Sometimes a lie is a defense for the person being lied to. After all, the truth is not needed in every case. Sometimes the truth is the only thing that can hurt and even. In this case, it is wiser, more merciful to resort to lies, especially if there is hope that the truth will never be known, and a lie can save someone's life.

What to choose - lie or truth?

The truth should be more preferable for all types of relationships: friendship, family, family ties, business relationships. In life, it is the truth that is saving for people in most situations, it allows you to create trusting relationships, be open and honest, live in peace with yourself and with other people. But the saving power of lies also cannot be dismissed for some situations. You cannot destroy families or friendships with one carelessly spoken word just because the word is true. Leaving events in the past, forgetting grievances, keeping silent about some troubles is also part of human life, which allows people to stay together for a long time.

A person himself must evaluate each situation and decide how best, kinder and more merciful to act in each specific case: to tell the truth or to hide it. After all, it is important not only to always be absolutely truthful and honest, but also to be, above all, a kind and wise person, not to harm another, but to do everything for his good.