As mentioned above, among the calls received by the Hotline in connection with emergencies, there are those that contain an explicit or hidden request for psychological assistance. The operating mode of the Hot Line does not always imply the possibility of in-depth processing of these requests due to objective circumstances (the Hot Line employs specialists who do not have a psychological education; in the first hours of the Hot Line, when the main request is informational, a very large number of number of hits). However, in any case, the identification and recognition of such requests is the responsibility of the Hot Line employee, and working with them is the responsibility of a psychologist.

Persons experiencing acute grief, loss.

Persons experiencing fear and anxiety for the physical or emotional state of the injured relative/relative.

Persons who have received information that their relatives/relatives are listed as missing or have conflicting and insufficient information about the fate of their loved ones.

Persons who have received information that their relatives/relatives located in the emergency zone cannot be provided with immediate assistance.

Persons with relatives who have lost their relative/relative or who are not yet aware of the death of their relative/relative.

Persons who have experienced psychological trauma due to their presence at the scene of an emergency at the time of its occurrence (among them may be those who received minor physical injuries, as well as witnesses and eyewitnesses of the incident).

Persons experiencing strong negative consequences of emergencies, expressed in the appearance of pronounced phobic and depressive reactions, panic attacks and other psycho-emotional problems.

Persons experiencing the loss of property, forced relocation, relocation, significant deterioration in living conditions in the absence of information about resources and opportunities to overcome vital problems.

Counseling clients in emergency situations.

If a person who has recently experienced an extreme situation contacts the emergency psychological help line, the following approaches can be recommended to the consultant in working with such a subscriber:

Encourage the client to talk about their feelings.

Don't expect a man to handle trauma better than a woman.

Remind the client that their feelings are normal. Give information about normal reactions to a stressful situation.

Do not try to assure the client that everything will be fine - this is impossible.

Don't try to force your explanations on the client as to why things happened.

Try to convince the client that it doesn't matter why he got into this situation, what matters is that he got out of it (transition from the category of "victim" to the category of "hero").

Don't tell the client that you know what he's going through.

Be prepared not to speak at all. It may be sufficient to simply "be with the client".

Don't be afraid to ask how the person deals with trauma. But don't ask questions about the details of the injury. If the client talks about it, listen to him. The best thing you can do in this situation is to follow the client.

Subscribers experiencing the negative consequences of emergencies, manifested in the occurrence or exacerbation of psychological problems, should be advised to seek further face-to-face consultation with a specialist.

Example

In connection with the explosion in the subway car, which occurred as a result of a terrorist act, a woman who was in the next car at the time of the explosion called at the main line. She asked for help to overcome her fear of her upcoming subway ride tomorrow. The woman said that she had to pass through the station at which the explosion occurred almost daily and now she is considering possible options for using land transport. But it will make it very difficult for her. The subscriber complained that the thought of the need to travel by metro seized her with fear that she could not control, although she did not reject reasonable arguments that it makes no sense to expect a repetition of the explosion. The woman asked the Hotline specialist to recommend to her what she could do to reduce her fear. Since the subscriber was aware of the irrationality of her own reaction of fear and well understood the reason for its occurrence, the Hot Line specialist discussed with her the features of the manifestation of her fear reaction in connection with the general patterns of manifestation of such reactions, which have both positive and negative influence of the fact of having the ability to experience fear. He also gave practical recommendations aimed at creating several options for her plan of action in case fear arises at the time of a trip to the subway, so that the subscriber could be aware of her own freedom to choose a predetermined practical method and thus feel that she can influence the situation of occurrence fear, control it. Also, the Hotline specialist recommended that the woman seek an in-person consultation if her problem persists for a long time. If the subscriber felt fear at the time of the call, the Hotline specialist would have to choose a different strategy, as well as if the subscriber already experienced a psychological or psychiatric problem, aggravated by the emergency.

Witnesses, third-party observers, people who are not directly related to the emergency, but who learned about it from the media, may also experience experiences similar to those of the direct participants in the events and need psychological help. In working with them, it is advisable to use the same methods and approaches.

Subscribers who were eyewitnesses to the events of an emergency, or who received minor injuries and returned home after receiving outpatient care, as a rule, indicate a direct request for psychological help themselves if they feel the need for it. Sometimes their relatives may call with such a request. If it is not possible to provide psychological assistance to such subscribers in a face-to-face meeting, you need to provide assistance by phone. If possible, you should first determine the severity of the negative emotional state of the subscriber. Any expression is the best reaction from such subscribers. In some cases, it is enough just to listen to him, but sometimes it is necessary to discuss with him his current emotional experiences and what he can do with them now and in the future to alleviate his condition. In some cases, such a subscriber should be referred for face-to-face consultation and such an opportunity should be arranged for him.

Example

A young woman called the hotline, which was opened in connection with an explosion at the airport as a result of a terrorist act. She asked to listen to her and said that she was in an overwhelmed emotional state. The woman said that at the time of the explosion, her 7-month-old son and elderly mother were separated from her and she, without seeing them, assumed that they had died, based on the fact that she left them to wait in the exact place where the explosion occurred. By a happy coincidence, the elderly woman, tired of standing, stepped aside with her child to sit down, and this happened just before the explosion. During that time, while the young woman, having heard the explosion, returned to the place where she left her loved ones, she experienced a strong emotional shock. She found her mother and son alive and well, but the effects of the emotional upheaval appeared after she and her family returned home. The young woman needed to communicate with the Hot Line specialist, since she could not calm down on her own.

The Hotline specialist listened to the young woman, the story of her experiences and feelings in connection with what had happened, asking questions as the subscriber described the circumstances of the situation. Since the subscriber behaved expressively and fully stated everything she felt and experienced, then at the end of communication with the Hot Line specialist, she managed to come to thoughts and feelings leading to an understanding of the situation. Her emotional state became more balanced.

Stages of psychological counseling

Psychological counseling usually consists of several meetings, separate conversations. In general, psychological counseling as a process is divided into four stages: 1. Acquaintance with a client and start a conversation. 2. questioning client, formation and verification of advisory hypotheses. 3. Rendering impact. 4. Completion psychological consultation.

1. Getting to know the client and starting a conversation

1a. First contact. You can stand up to meet the client or meet him at the door of the office, a demonstration of goodwill and interest in fruitful cooperation. 1b. Encouragement. It is advisable to encourage the client with words like: "Come in, please", "Sit down comfortably", etc. 1c. A small pause. After the first minutes of contact with the client, it is recommended to give him a pause of 45 - 60 seconds so that the client can gather his thoughts and look around. 1g Actually acquaintance. You can say to the client: "Let's get acquainted. How can I contact you?" After that, you need to introduce yourself. 1d. Formalities. Prior to the start of the actual counseling, the counseling psychologist is obliged to provide the client with as much information as possible about the counseling process, its important features: - the main goals of the counseling, - the qualifications of the counselor, - the payment for the counseling, - the approximate duration of the counseling, - the advisability of counseling in this situation, - the risk of temporary deterioration the state of the client in the process of counseling, - the boundaries of confidentiality, incl. issues of audio and video recording, the presence (observation) of the process of third parties. You should speak briefly, without pouring unnecessary information on the client. The result here is the client's final decision to enter the counseling process. 1e. "Here and now". It is necessary to agree with the client, set him up to work in the "here and now" mode. It is important to make it clear to the client that the psychologist-consultant cannot be used as a tool in all sorts of intrigues. 1zh. Primary inquiry. An example of a standard phrase: "What brought you to me?", "So, what questions would you like to discuss with me?". If the client is not a "professional frequenter" of psychological offices, then, most likely, he will need support from the very first phrases of his own. At the very least, he will be interested in the question: is he speaking correctly, about that? Therefore, if necessary, from the very first minutes of the questioning, it is necessary to maintain a dialogue.

2. Questioning the client, forming hypotheses

2a. Empathic listening. It is also active listening (repetition of individual words for the client, interpretations). 2b. Acceptance of the client's situation model as temporary. The consultant should not yet enter into disputes with the client, all the more so to expose him, to catch him on contradictions. Breaking the model of the client's situation is possible only after this model has been studied in detail. 2c. Structuring the conversation. A rare client is able to logically and consistently describe a problem situation. Gradually, he must be encouraged to a more rational presentation, reasoning. The consultant himself must be consistent. Each new phrase, question should be logically connected with the previous ones. Periodic summaries are very useful for structuring the conversation. The dialogue with the client is not a chapter book; therefore, you can make it a habit to summarize what has been said every ten minutes (for example), watching the wall or table clock. If it is appropriate, then it is possible to summarize not only orally, but also in writing, schematically depicting a model of the situation on paper. Structuring the conversation encourages the client to work rationally, not to "grind" the same thing for the tenth time, but to move on; when the client stops moving forward in the description of the situation, this will be a sure indication that he has already said everything essential. 2y. Understanding the client's situation model. The psychologist-consultant conducts analytical and critical work, formulates several hypotheses regarding this model. If a client came to a psychologist for help, this means that his model of a problem situation is either a) incorrect (perverted), or b) incomplete. In each hypothesis, therefore, it should be clearly formulated: a) does the client see the situation in the true light? b) if he does not see, then what is wrong? c) is the situation model complete? d) if not complete, then in what ways can this model be expanded? Of course, the psychologist-consultant should keep most of the conclusions here to himself, if only because so far there are only hypotheses. 2d. Criticism of hypotheses. The consultant asks the client questions aimed at clarifying and criticizing hypotheses. Questions here can, of course, be asked at random. But still, it is recommended to strive for at least an external structured conversation, without jumping from one to another. The result here should be that in the end there is only one working hypothesis (the main one). The fact is that the psychologist is forced to do most of the intellectual work in a hard mode, when there is little time. Therefore, it is necessary to work closely only with the main hypothesis. If it is not confirmed, then another hypothesis is taken as the main one. 2e. Presenting your hypothesis to the client. Since the client is usually already "well confused" in his problem situation, it happens very rarely that he immediately accepts the hypothesis and agrees with it. Therefore, it is important to emphasize that the consultant's considerations are so far only a hypothesis (assumptions), that the client is not required to agree with it, it is required to take the hypothesis as a working one and try to study the conclusions that it generates. In the process of working with the hypothesis, new details are likely to emerge that clarify the emerging objective model of the situation. It is likely that the hypothesis will be untenable, there is nothing to worry about; in this case, another hypothesis is taken as a working one. 2g. Criticism of the hypothesis, finding the truth. Various situations, typical and not quite typical, are considered. Before proceeding to the next stage, it is very important to find the truth, that is, an objective consistent model of the problem situation must be formulated and accepted by both parties.

3. Making an impact

3a. Let the client live with new knowledge. Further work directly depends on how true the model of the problem situation turned out to be. It is important to understand that if the model fails, then further work with the client (impact) is at risk; and if vice versa (the model is successful), then the client himself will be interested in living with new knowledge. Therefore, ideally, after developing a working model, you should release the client until the next meeting. He probably already got everything he needed, and therefore will no longer come to the next meeting. If there is no possibility, no need to interrupt the consultation, then you can simply make a small change. To do this, it is suitable to seat the client in a chair for fifteen minutes, turn on calm music and give him the opportunity to think about new knowledge. 3b. Correction of client settings. Of course, it is likely that the acquisition of new knowledge may not be sufficient for the client to manage the problem situation. Here, the client's complaints that "there is not enough strength", "I do not understand how", etc. are typical. The psychologist, together with the client, criticizes the false attitudes of the latter. Generates a list of new installations. Attitudes should be verbally accurate, simple, and effective. Much attention should be paid to attitudes aimed at gaining calm and confidence, at correcting the level of tone (calm down or vice versa mobilize) and the level of rationality-emotionality (become more rational or more emotional). Installations can be "accepted" in the form of self-hypnosis. Again, it will be useful here to give the client a chance to live with the new settings. It is possible that some settings will not take root. Then they may need to be changed or modified. 3c. Correction of client behavior. Helping the client to formulate possible alternatives to habitual behavior. Analysis and criticism of these alternatives, evaluation of their usefulness and effectiveness. Choosing the best alternative. Development of a plan for the implementation of this alternative. It is important to understand that the client may simply forget to apply the alternative behavior in the future. Therefore, in the literal sense, it must be trained to use the alternative. Various methods are suitable for this, for example, role-playing games (in this case, the psychologist can take on the role of a relative or acquaintance of the client).

4. Completion of psychological consultation

4a. Summing up the conversation. Brief summary of what happened. "Repetition is the mother of learning." 4b. Discussion of issues related to the further relationship of the client with a consultant or other specialists. 4c. Parting. The client should be escorted at least to the door, say a few kind words to him.

Literature

Aleshina Yu. E. Family and individual psychological counseling. - M .: Editorial and Publishing Center of the Consortium "Social Health of Russia", 1993. - 172 p. Posted by Alex in the category

A client came to me for a consultation, with whom we have been working very fruitfully for some time. He is in good contact with himself, his emotions, and therefore his work goes quickly and easily. We started the consultation by discussing the changes that have taken place since our last meeting. Then our conversation smoothly moved into the sphere of his relationship with the girl.

He said that he was not sure of his attitude towards her. On the one hand, he really likes a lot in her, on the other hand, he understands that they are not on the way. Then I decided to ask how exactly he understands that he is not on the way? What exactly is the evaluation criterion. After thinking for a while, the client replied that the girl accepts him as he is, which means that in the future he can relax, get lazy, get fat and not move anywhere, achieve nothing. I became interested. I continued to ask, and as a result it became clear what he expects from the girl, that she will set the direction for his development, raise the bar. Then I gave out the phrase that it is usually the pattern of A-boys to expect others to know how to live for them. First, they do everything for their mother, then when they grow up, they need to find another “mother” so that she can tell them how to live and give them grades. He agreed with me and confirmed that I hit the mark. We decided to work with this topic, to help him figure out what he wants, to find his own goals.

The client looks amazing. That is, if he is asked to present something, he easily presents it. I'm a visual myself, so it's easy for me to work with other visuals. I asked him:

How long do you plan to live?

He replied:

Up to about 60.
Why not 80?
– I don’t know what I will do after 60.
– Watch Frank Pucelik's seminar sometime, maybe some idea will come up.
- OK.
– And now, please, imagine that you have come to the end of your life. How would it be if you were satisfied with your life, the way you lived it? What would you see if you looked back at the past years? What events is it filled with? What do you remember the most? What brings you the most joy? - here I have already spoken in a slightly trance voice, plunging the client into a light trance so that he imagines all these events as vividly as possible.
“But I am not satisfied with my life and the way it went.
– How would it be if you were satisfied? Or ask yourself what needs to be changed or added in this life in order to feel satisfied?

For a while he went into himself. Then the client told me that he imagined a beautiful wife, children, friends, how they spend time, where they relax, how he achieves goals and earns money, etc.

Convinced that this was what brought him satisfaction, I asked him to present his timeline and allow these events to be placed on it between the present and 60 years. The client thought for a while, and then said that he was not succeeding. What, as if, the line is separate, and these nice pictures are separate. And in general, after 30 years, he has darkness and emptiness on the time line. Up to 30 everything is bright and colorful, and at 30 there is some kind of jumper, behind which there is nothing. I offered to fill this void and send these events there. But no matter what he sent there, everything seemed to fall into a hole.

The client said:

- It feels like it's too late. It was as if I had to get all this before the age of 30, and now I'm already late and nothing can be done about it.
- And if you got all this before 30, what would happen then?
“Then I would just live.
– What exactly would you do? What would life be filled with?

I continued to ask questions, but they clearly did not clarify the situation. He was convinced that there are things that need to be done before 30, and if time is lost, if the foundation is not laid, nothing can be done. I understood that this was only an installation in his head, but neither my examples nor any justifications led to a change. Then the thought came to me that it was worth digging deeper, that something was missing, something I had not yet seen. I suggested that he unfold the timeline and enter it, imagining it as a road. When he did this, it turned out that he was on a colorful beautiful road. I suggested that he go ahead, but when he started to go, it became obvious that nothing was changing. He seemed to be walking in place. It was some kind of defense mechanism that kept him from moving forward, because if he really went further, he would fall into this void. I asked him to look for a way out, and he somehow lifted this beautiful "screen" to pass on. As soon as he plunged into this emptiness, he immediately felt very lonely and lost. I asked him to move on. And he walked, approaching old age. As he walked, his strength melted, but nothing changed for the better. Everything looked very pessimistic, but I knew that the solution was somewhere. Metaphors are always like a Rubik's cube, which, if skillfully twisted, sooner or later will be able to solve.

I asked him to describe this darkness and emptiness, what it is. He said:

It's like it comes from within me.
Then a wonderful question popped into my head that helped make the shift in this work:
What does this void want? Ask her.

He asked and got the answer that the void wanted to protect him.

What does she want to protect you from?
- From pain.
Who or what hurts?
- Other people.

Somewhere here, he was able to look beyond this emptiness and saw the real world there and some kind of cone that stuck out of it began to prick in the chest. It was painful, and this darkness protected, covered him from pain. And there are enough things like this cone in the world. “They are not evil,” he told me, “it’s just that they are there and will meet me. But they are dangerous, they can tear you apart.” And it became clear that something had to be done about it.

He found a solution. Seeing himself from the side, the client said that this little man (meaning himself) needs to strengthen, become stronger so that these cones cannot break him, so that he can pass through them, as people go through the leaves in the forest. In this case, the leaves can cut the skin, but can not cause serious harm.

To strengthen himself, he should have drunk some liquid that appeared there. But when he drank it, there was, as it were, some kind of separation. Something inside was separated from the shell. At the same time, the shell was made of soft-touch plastic. At some point, some mucus began to come out of it. He began to walk forward as the darkness opened before him. And as he walked, mucus came out of him, and he himself became stronger and stronger. And the world around became brighter. There came a moment when it was no longer necessary to go further, when all the mucus came out. Then he said that you need to remove it.

After cleaning it, the timeline became clear, and life was “manifested” on it. I again invited him to do what we did at the very beginning of our work, namely, to present all those wonderful moments that should fill his life and place them on the time line. This time everything turned out great and we finished the job.

A few words about what it was. Judging by the work that we have done, as a result of some kind of trauma, the client developed a protective mechanism with which he hid from life. As a result, he did not see his future, or rather did not want to see, did not plan anything special. Life just happened to him. That is, he went with the flow and had some kind of unconscious installation that nothing good would come next. In our work with him, we transformed the defense mechanism, helped him start looking ahead and fill his life with his goals.

I'll post the results in a few months. Such profound changes take time.

The technique of psychological counseling refers to the special techniques that a counseling psychologist, acting within the framework of certain counseling procedures, uses to perform these procedures at each stage of psychological counseling. Since these steps and procedures we have already

considered in the previous chapter, one can proceed directly to a detailed description of the psychological counseling technique associated with them.

This technique can be universal, equally successfully applied at each stage of psychological counseling, and specific, more suitable for one or another, particular stage of psychological counseling.

We will consider the technique of psychological counseling in stages in connection with various counseling procedures, without particularly highlighting counseling techniques that are universal in nature.

Meeting a client in a psychological consultation

As part of the general procedure for meeting the client (the first stage of psychological counseling), the psychologist-consultant is recommended to use the following technical technique: choose his location when meeting the client in such a way that at the time of the meeting he is face to face with the client and escorts him to the place.

There may be a number of particular situations in which it is required to behave differently. Let's consider these situations in more detail.

If, upon entering the premises of a psychological consultation, the client does not meet anyone there, then he will probably be confused, and this will definitely affect his further behavior during the consultation. If the client enters the room and sees people who do not pay any attention to him, then the client may not only be confused, but also offended, especially if it later turns out that among them were a counselor psychologist or his assistant.

The emergence of unexpected obstacles in the way of the client's progress to his place can also change his psychological mood for the worse.

However, it is possible for the client to come to the consultation site himself, but in this case it must be fully guaranteed that the client will not have problems finding his place in the consultation.

If the client has already entered the room where the consultation will take place, and those people who are in the room at that time meet him sitting, especially if this is done by the counseling psychologist or his assistant, then the client will almost certainly perceive this as a manifestation of inattention and personal disrespect for him. It will not be easy to establish normal psychological contact with such a client.

This recommendation applies not only to the consultant psychologist and his assistant, but also to other people who at this time may be in the psychological consultation room. If, for example, the consultant and his assistant stand up when the client enters the room, and other people continue to sit, then the client may also experience not very pleasant emotions. The fact is that with other standing people, according to the existing rules of etiquette, either older people or those who occupy a higher official position can sit. Both of these are not very good for psychological counseling, since according to the current state of affairs, the most authoritative person in psychological counseling for the client should be a consultant psychologist, and not any other person.

It is advisable for the counseling psychologist or his assistant, having indicated to the client the place where he will sit during the consultation, to let him go ahead and give the first opportunity to take his place. It is recommended to do this because this action can prevent the client from feeling confused and psychologically determine the situation for him, without putting him in an awkward position, giving him the opportunity to behave uninhibitedly and completely independently. In addition, already at this moment, observing how the client goes to his place, how he sits down and what position he takes, the psychologist-consultant can draw many useful conclusions about him for further successful consultation.

If the consultant psychologist sits down first, then the client may perceive this as a demonstration by the consultant of his superiority over him, which is completely undesirable for the normal conduct of psychological counseling. Especially unfavorably, such an action of a counseling psychologist can affect the conduct of psychological counseling if the client turns out to be an authoritative and rather proud person, with an increased self-esteem. In any case, the psychologist-consultant should take his place in the psychological consultation either after the client, or simultaneously with him.

It is not recommended to start any special conversations with the client until the client takes his place and settles down on it comfortably enough. Firstly, it is impolite to carry on a conversation with a person on the go, especially when he goes to his place and sits down. Secondly, a person walking, looking for his place and taking it, at the time of such actions, focuses his attention mainly on what he is doing, and therefore will not listen very carefully to what the counselor psychologist tells him. Thirdly, any person who has just come to a psychological consultation will not at first be fully prepared for a serious and meaningful conversation with a counseling psychologist about their problem. The client will either worry, or for some time be in the grip of feelings and thoughts related to his previous affairs. In any case, the client needs time to calm down and mentally tune in to a serious conversation with a consultant.

At the moment the client appears in the psychological consultation room, it should be quiet there, and it is desirable that no one, except for the counseling psychologist and, possibly, his assistant, be in the room.

If a client enters an untidy room in a psychological consultation, it will almost certainly immediately cause a negative emotional reaction in him. It is useless and pointless to conduct psychological counseling where chaos and disorder reign. No matter how experienced a psychologist-consultant is, he is unlikely to achieve a high result in psychological counseling conducted in such unfavorable conditions, since during the consultation his mood will constantly be bad under the influence of an uncomfortable environment.

If there are a lot of strangers in the room where the psychological consultation is carried out, it is not clear why things are located here, then this can cause bewilderment and a state of increased anxiety in the client, especially if he finds that some of these things may pose a potential threat to him ( e.g. tape recorder, video camera, microphone, etc.). In this case, it will hardly be possible to count on the manifestation of openness and frankness on the part of the client, especially at the stage of confession.

A few words about the proper attire of a counseling psychologist. It is desirable that he be dressed discreetly, but with taste, not festive, but not too casual. It is not recommended for a counseling psychologist to use overalls, such as a doctor's gown, as this can cause anxiety in the client and unnecessary associations with a medical institution for psychological counseling.

If the client is physically and psychologically quite a healthy person, then he may simply be offended by the fact that he is met and treated as if he were sick. If he is in fact a sick person, but mistakenly turned not to a doctor, but to a psychological consultation (for example, due to the fact that medical institutions could not provide him with the help he was counting on), then meeting a person in a dressing gown will again cause he has those unpleasant memories that are associated with his bad past experience. As a result, he may have distrust in a specialist psychologist and disbelief that he will be able to really help him - a client.

Too bright clothes of a psychologist-consultant speaks of his extravagance and often - that he himself has problems of a psychological nature. This can also be perceived unfavorably by the client and cause him to distrust the counselor.

On the other hand, the psychologist-consultant's too festive clothes may look in contrast to the client's everyday clothes, and in this case he will also feel awkward. For example, a client may have the feeling that a psychologist-consultant at this time is having some important event, a holiday, and he is not up to the problems that worry the client. This, of course, will not set the client up for a trusting relationship with the consultant and for a detailed discussion with him of what worries the client. Finally, too simple, casual, almost homely clothes of a counseling psychologist can lead the client to the idea that the counselor simply does not personally respect him.

Starting a conversation with a client

The technique related to the beginning of a conversation with a client includes techniques that a counseling psychologist can use when personally getting to know the client and proceeding to clarify his problem in detail.

Having met face to face with the client after he has taken his place and is comfortably seated, the psychologist-consultant, with an attentive and friendly expression on his face (perhaps smiling at the client), can address him with such words, for example:

“I'm glad to see you here. It's good that you contacted us. I hope that our conversation, our joint work will be a pleasant and useful thing for both you and me. First of all, let's get to know each other better ... "

After this, the counseling psychologist usually pauses in the conversation with the client, necessary to give the client the opportunity to gather his thoughts and answer in detail the questions posed to him.

If the pause drags on and the client finds it difficult to answer the questions asked to him, gets worried or, having started a conversation, suddenly interrupts him, then the counseling psychologist is not recommended to immediately intervene in the current situation. In this case, it is better for the consultant to wait patiently and kindly until the client himself continues the conversation.

If the pause drags on for too long and it becomes clear that the client is in a difficult situation, does not know what to say next, then the counseling psychologist is recommended to turn to the client himself, using, for example, the following type of remarks:

"I'm listening to you carefully, please continue." “For our fruitful work with you, I am personally very interested in everything that you talked about, please continue.”

If after that the client remains silent, then the counseling psychologist can ask him: “Please explain why you are silent? Is there something preventing you from speaking? Let's talk about it and I'll try to help you."

In the event that the client himself then continues the conversation, the psychologist-consultant, for his part, will again have to take on the role of a patient, attentive and benevolent listener and listen to the client without interrupting him. If the client still remains silent, experiencing obvious difficulties in speaking, gets worried, makes too long, unjustified pauses, does not know what to say next, then the counseling psychologist is recommended, focusing on the content of the questions that he has already posed to the client, or on the content of the answers that he has already received from the client to previously posed questions, continue to ask the client leading questions - mostly those that the client could easily and freely answer. With sufficient skill and experience of a psychologist-consultant through a system of leading, additional questions, he will be able to quickly “talk” to the client, removing his psychological barrier, and get the necessary information from him.

In case of serious difficulties for the client in answering the questions of the psychologist-consultant, it is recommended to use the following techniques that will help relieve the client of excessive psychological tension and make him more open:

1. Discreetly remove from the room where the psychological consultation is carried out, all unauthorized persons, for example, a secretary, laboratory assistant or assistant psychologist-consultant, left alone with the client. This can always be done under some plausible pretext.

2. You can do the opposite: bring into the consultation room one of the people close enough to the client who can calm him down and facilitate a conversation with a counseling psychologist. This person (or these people, if there are several) can be placed next to the client or between him and the counselor.

3. It is very important that, when starting a conversation with a client, the psychologist-consultant himself can easily and freely communicate with him, without experiencing difficulties. Otherwise, his own anxiety, tension and uncertainty will be transferred to the client.

4. Since in real life almost all people, including quite experienced consultant psychologists, encounter difficulties in communicating with people, it is recommended that a novice psychologist-consultant undergo communication training himself and, as far as possible, get rid of or minimize such problems in himself. It is useful to rehearse the conversation with the client before starting the meeting, especially its beginning.

5. In order to improve their own communication skills and abilities, a counseling psychologist is recommended to master the following short forms of speech etiquette, which may be useful to him when meeting with clients in a psychological consultation.

Forms of greeting a person and forms of invitation to enter the premises:

- Hello.

– Please pass.

- Good afternoon.

- Come in, please.

- I'm glad to welcome you.

- I ask you to...

– Welcome...

Forms of expression of joy at a meeting:

– What a pleasant meeting!

- Glad to see you!

- Finally you came, very glad!

– Very glad to see you!

Dating forms:

– I want (would like) to meet you.

- Let's get acquainted.

- Let's get to know each other.

- Let me introduce myself. My name is...

- What is your name? Please introduce yourself. Forms of addressing a person with a question:

– Tell me please...

- It won't hurt you to say...

"Excuse me, could you tell...

- May I ask you...

- Kindly (be kind) to tell me ...

- Can you tell me...

The procedure for calming the client, neutralizing the effect of his complexes and removing psychological barriers in communication may include techniques that create an atmosphere of physical and psychological comfort for the client, ensuring his psychological safety. This could be, for example, the following methods:

- Give the client the opportunity to be alone for a while, for example, sit alone for two or three minutes without communicating with anyone. At this time, a psychologist-consultant; 1 and I can do some business here, in a psychological consultation, or go out for a few minutes from the premises.

- Turn on soft and pleasant music in the consultation room while the client is in it and tunes in for the upcoming conversation with the consultant.

- Give the client a pleasant, attractive small object, such as a toy, in the hands of the client during the conversation.

- Invite the client to do something with his own hands during a conversation with a counseling psychologist under the pretext of, for example, providing a counseling psychologist with a small service, assistance.

The actions described above can be applied in practice in a variety of combinations, both separately and in various combinations with each other.

Removing psychological stress from the client and activating his story at the stage of confession

A confession in psychological counseling is a detailed, sincere, emotionally rich story of a client addressed to a counseling psychologist about himself and his problem.

In addition to the methods described above, which are used mainly at the beginning of psychological counseling, it is also possible to create a favorable psychological atmosphere for the client’s confession with the help of the following practical actions of the psychologist-consultant, taken already during the confession itself.

1. Verbal support for what the client says and does during confession - acceptance needs some explanation. Sometimes, during a confession, a client may say something with which the counseling psychologist does not agree, for example, to express his own, not entirely justified, claims to the counseling psychologist, to the consultation being held, to the situation, etc.

In this case, the consultant psychologist should not openly object to the client, and even more so, start arguing with him. It is much more reasonable in the event of a similar situation to proceed as follows: by recognizing directly or indirectly, openly or silently, the client's right to criticize, invite him to put aside controversial issues and discuss them at the end of the consultation.

In this case, the client can be addressed with the following words, for example:

“It is possible that you are essentially right, and I am ready to discuss with you what worries you. But let's think together how best to do it. If we now interrupt the consultation and move on to discussing controversial issues, we will not be able to find a way to solve the main problem that worries you. In this case, I can hardly really help you, since our time with you is limited and will be spent on a discussion that is not directly related to your problem. I propose to proceed differently: for the time being, to postpone the discussion of controversial issues related to the consultation, and continue to work according to a predetermined plan. Then we will find additional time and agree when and where we will discuss and resolve all your concerns.”

If the client still insists on an immediate discussion of these issues and, moreover, demands that the questions posed by him be resolved here and now, then the consultant psychologist can do one of the following:

1) interrupt the consultation for a while and try to resolve disputed issues as soon as possible;

2) to postpone the psychological consultation and reschedule it for another, more suitable time, when all controversial issues will be resolved;

3) generally refuse further psychological counseling, politely apologizing to the client and explaining to him why the consultation had to be interrupted and why the questions posed by him could not be resolved, and the claims could not be satisfied.

In the event that the client says something to the counseling psychologist that is not directly related to the conditions of the consultation, but is related to the essence of the problem under discussion, the consultant can switch to a conversation on the issue raised by the client, if, of course, he has something to say to the client on the relevant occasion.

Nevertheless, in the process of confession, it is still not desirable for the counseling psychologist to express his disagreement with the client in anything. It is better not to object to the client, but to proceed as follows: having noted to yourself and for yourself that point in the actions and statements of the client that requires discussion and objections, continue to continue attentively and kindly, to the end, listen to the client’s confession. It is worth returning to the discussion of controversial issues only after the consultation is completed and a decision is made on the main problem that worries the client.

2. "Mirrorization" the reception consists in the repetition of his statements and movements imperceptible to the client; "Mirror", in particular, you can gestures, facial expressions, pantomime, intonation, stress, pauses in the client's speech, etc.

Mirroring is especially important during those moments of confession, when the client casts fleeting glances at the counselor, talking about himself and his problem.

3. "Periphrase" - a brief, current remark of a counseling psychologist, uttered by him during the client's confession and intended to clarify, clarify the meaning of what the client is saying.

In the case of using a paraphrase, the psychologist-consultant, listening to the client, during the natural pauses that occur in the client’s speech, briefly, in his own words, in the form of statements or questions, repeats what the client said, and, in turn, waits for confirmation or refutation from the client the correctness of his understanding.

A paraphrase can begin, for example, with the words: “So ...”, “You said ...”, “Did I understand you correctly, you said ...”.

You can simply repeat the last words uttered by the client, but in an interrogative form, expecting, respectively, from him to confirm or refute the correctness of the words spoken.

4. "Generalization" - a technique that outwardly resembles a paraphrase, but does not refer to the last thing the client said, but to the whole statement, consisting of several judgments or sentences. Unlike paraphrase, which literally repeats the last thought of the client, generalization is a free, but fairly accurate transfer of his thoughts in a generalized form.

A generalization can begin, for example, with the following words: “So, if you summarize and express in a short form what you said, can it be done like this ...?” “To summarize what has been said, can it be conveyed in this way ...?” “If I understood you correctly, then the meaning of what you said boils down to the following ... Is this true?”

5. Reception of emotional support of the client, when a counseling psychologist carefully listens to the client, follows his thought, trying at the right moments of confession, at the time when the client pays attention to him, outwardly express support for what the client says, including demonstrating positive emotions that reinforce words and actions client. It can be, for example, an expression of sympathy, empathy, satisfaction with what he says to the client.

6. The technique of posing questions to the client that stimulate his thinking, such as “What?” "How?" "How?" "Why?" "Why?". It is usually used when a counseling psychologist needs to clarify something for himself in the thoughts of the client, and also when the client himself experiences certain difficulties in what and how to say next.

7. Mastering and using in a conversation with a client the features of his language - reception of psychological counseling, which is as follows. The consultant, listening carefully to the client, tries to catch the features of the style of his speech, paying attention to the words, phrases, expressions and turns often used by the client. Having determined and mastered this, after some time the consultant psychologist himself begins to consciously use the same speech techniques in communicating with the client, that is, imperceptibly for the client, he begins to reproduce the features of his speech.

As a result, a psychological commonality and greater mutual understanding arises between the client and the counseling psychologist than was the case at the beginning. The client, in turn, unconsciously begins to perceive the psychologist-consultant as a person psychologically close to him and turns out to be more disposed towards him.

It is important, however, not to overuse this technique, so that the client does not get the impression that the counselor is mimicking him.

Technique used in interpreting a client's confession

In order to draw the right conclusions from the client's confession and not make a mistake in assessing his problem, as well as in order to

to convince the client himself of the correctness of the interpretation of his confession, the psychologist-consultant in the process of interpreting the confession must adhere to the following rules:

1. Do not rush, do not rush to your conclusions. It is advisable, after the end of the client’s confession, to pause in communication with him for 10 to 15 minutes, filling it with some business that allows you to distract yourself from listening, reflect, and draw conclusions. Such a break is necessary not only for the psychologist-consultant, but also for the client. During the break, he will be able to move away from confession, calm down, psychologically tune in to listening to the consultant and to a constructive dialogue with him.

It is recommended, for example, to organize a tea party during such a break, inviting the client to participate in it and telling him that during the tea party the conversation about his problem can be continued. The break will also give the counselor an opportunity to gather his thoughts and ask additional questions, if necessary, to the client.

2. It is important for the consultant to ensure that when interpreting the client's confession no essential details and details have been omitted, so that among those facts on the basis of which conclusions will be drawn about the client's problem and how to solve it, there are no such that contradict, do not agree with each other. If this important rule is not observed when interpreting a confession, then contradictions in the facts will inevitably manifest themselves in contradictions in the conclusions that follow from these facts. This is a well-known law of the logic of thinking.

3. Care must also be taken to ensure that the proposed interpretation of the facts was not one-sided those. that there is no clear preference for any one theory or interpretation over others.

This requirement is due to the fact that any of the existing theories of personality or interpersonal relationships, which can be the basis for the interpretation of confession, is inevitably (by the nature of modern psychological theories themselves) incomplete and does not take into account all possible facts.

In order to avoid a one-sided interpretation of confession in practice, it is necessary to teach him how to skillfully use the provisions of a wide variety of theories at the stage of general scientific theoretical training of a counseling psychologist, and then at the stage of acquiring appropriate professional experience in interpreting clients' confessions.

4. The following important conclusion follows from the above: any of the confessions, whatever its content, can not

have one, the only possible interpretation. There must necessarily be several such interpretations and, as a rule, as many as there are different theories of personality and interpersonal relations in psychology. This refers, of course, not literally to all psychological theories without exception, but only to those that mutually complement each other in the understanding of personality and interpersonal relations. The proposed interpretations, however, should not be too many, because otherwise it will be difficult to reconcile them with each other and it will be easy to get confused in them.

Offering the client his interpretation of his problem, the psychologist-consultant must, in the end, give a single, but not the only (in theoretical terms) interpretation of this problem.

This requirement does not contradict what was said above. The fact is that the provisions formulated in the previous paragraphs relate mainly to the thinking of the consultant psychologist himself, and not to the understanding of the essence of the problem by the client himself. He needs to communicate the conclusions themselves in an intelligible and accessible form, and not the theory on which they are based, i.e. only what, as a result of his reflections, including theoretical ones, the psychologist-consultant came to. And besides, this should be done in a simple, intelligible, and not in a scientific form.

It follows from the foregoing that in order to learn how to interpret the client's confession in a theoretically correct, versatile and integrated way, the counseling psychologist himself must become a versatile theoretically trained practical psychologist. A good general theoretical training of a counseling psychologist presupposes his deep acquaintance with various psychological theories, covering the range of those problems with which people can turn to psychological counseling.

But this is not enough, it turns out that a versatile practical training of a counseling psychologist in interpreting the client's problems is also needed. It, in particular, involves the development of the ability not only to interpret the client's confession, but also to correctly formulate one's conclusions using various theories.

Such practical skills are best developed in the collective work of different psychologists-consultants - specialists who are proficient in various psychological theories at a good professional level. It is also recommended to conduct so-called psychological consultations more often, which include specialists of different professional orientations in joint work on the same problems. Such

consultations are especially useful at the beginning of the independent practical activity of a counseling psychologist.

In order for the client to fully understand the advice and recommendations offered by the counseling psychologist, and also for the client to be able to use them successfully and achieve the desired practical result, when formulating advice and recommendations, the counseling psychologist should adhere to the following rules:

Rule 1When formulating tips and recommendations for a practical solution to a client's problem, it is desirable, as in interpreting a confession, to offer him not just one, but several at once, if possible - different, tips and recommendations.

This is due to the fact that different ways to solve the same problem require different conditions and different actions. Some of them, due to certain circumstances, may be inaccessible to the client, which will significantly reduce the effectiveness of the practical effect of the relevant recommendations.

For example, a counseling psychologist may recommend to a client a way of behavior that will require extraordinary willpower and a number of other personality traits that this client may have relatively poorly developed. Then the recommendations proposed to him are unlikely to be practically useful and effective enough. Or, for example, the advice of a counseling psychologist to a client may suggest that the latter has a sufficiently large amount of free time, which in fact the client may not have.

In the general case, the number of different ways offered to the client to solve his problem should be two or three, and all these methods should take into account the real living conditions of the client, his capabilities, as well as his individual psychological characteristics. The number of proposed solutions to the problem should also be such that the client is able to choose from them what suits him and is completely suitable for him.

In this regard, the counseling psychologist needs to get to know the client as a person well before he begins to offer him practical recommendations.

We will also formulate some additional tips on this subject that will help the counseling psychologist to conduct a general psychodiagnostics of the client's personality in the process of practical work with him. These tips, in particular, follow from the materials presented in the well-known book by A. Pisa "Body Language".

The personality of the client and his psychological state can be judged by the following signs:

"Many of these observations and observations about the behavior of clients during counseling are so important that they will be repeated at the end of the textbook for their better assimilation for novice counseling psychologists.

The “hands on the belt” pose is typical for a decisive, strong-willed person,

The tilt of the torso forward, sitting on a chair, indicates that a person, as soon as the conversation with him is over, will be ready to act,

A person who sits with his legs crossed and his arms clasped around her often has a quick reaction and is difficult to convince in an argument,

Ankles pressed together while sitting indicate that a person has negative, unpleasant thoughts and feelings at a given time,

Picking up insignificant villi from clothes characterizes a person who does not fully agree with what he is being told at a given time,

A straight head during a conversation indicates a neutral attitude of a person to what he hears,

The tilt of the head to the side while listening indicates that the person has aroused interest,

If a person's head is tilted forward, then this is most often a sign that he has a negative attitude towards what he heard,

Crossing the arms over the chest is a sign of a critical attitude and a defensive reaction,

Sometimes crossing your arms indicates that a person has a feeling of fear,

Crossing the legs is a sign of a negative or defensive attitude,

The “chin stroke” gesture means that the person is trying to make a decision related to what they have just been told,

Deviation back on the back of a chair or armchair - a movement indicating a negative mood of a person,

If, after a person was asked to report his decision, he picks up an object, this means that he is not sure of his decision, doubts its correctness, that he still needs to think,

When the head of a listening person begins to lean towards the hand in order to lean on it, this means that he loses interest in what is being said to him now,

If a person rubs the back of his head with his palm and looks away, this means that he is telling a lie,

People who frequently rub the back of their neck tend to be negative, critical of others,

Those people who often rub their foreheads are usually open and accommodating,

Laying hands behind the back indicates that the person is upset,

Touching during the pronunciation of words to parts of the face and head is a sign that this person is not completely sincere and is telling a lie,

The position of the fingers in the mouth indicates that the person at this point in time needs approval and support,

Tapping your fingers on the top of a table or something else while listening indicates impatience of a person,

Open palms are associated with sincerity, trust and honesty,

Hidden palms, on the contrary, speak of closeness, dishonesty, insincerity of a person,

A powerful person, when shaking hands, tries to keep his hand on top,

A submissive person during a handshake tends to keep his palm from below,

The one who counts on equal relations tries to keep his hand on the same level with the person with whom he shakes hands during the handshake,

A person who is not quite confident in himself pulls the hand of another towards himself during a handshake,

Interlocked fingers during a conversation can mean frustration.

A person's facial expressions may also contain a number of signs that, with a high degree of probability, may indicate his neuroticism. Let's take a look at these signs:

In an eternally smiling person, optimism is most often feigned and, as a rule, does not correspond to his real inner state,

The one who outwardly demonstrates his supposedly impeccable endurance, in reality, often covers up well-hidden anxiety and tension,

In a neurotic, the corners of the mouth are most often downcast, and on the face there is an expression of despondency and lack of interest in people. Such a person is usually indecisive,

The look of the neurotic is tense, and the eyes are opened wider than usual,

The facial expression of the neurotic is frightened, the color is pale and sickly,

It is not easy for a neurotic to laugh heartily, his smile often resembles an ironic grin or smirk.

Here are some more useful observations that a counseling psychologist can use when evaluating a client as a person.

The clause contains a hint of what the person is actually thinking about, but does not want to speak openly or out loud.

The memory of a person retains mainly those experiences that are associated with significant people and events for him.

If a person is late for a meeting or completely forgets about it, then with a high degree of certainty it can be assumed that he unconsciously avoids this meeting.

If a person constantly forgets names, then with sufficient certainty it can be argued that he has no special interest in people, and first of all in those whose names he forgets.

If a person is too verbose on an already quite clear question, if, in addition, there is a trembling in his voice and, as they say, he beats around the bush without expressing himself definitely, then he cannot be completely trusted.

If a person mumbles something to himself and expresses himself vaguely, then he probably does not burn with the desire to get close to the one to whom he says this.

If a person speaks slowly, carefully choosing words and carefully controlling his speech, then he experiences internal psychological stress.

Strengthened objections of the client to the counselor psychologist can be taken as evidence that the client is not quite sure of himself and of the truth of the words that he himself utters.

Rule 2The counseling psychologist should offer the client not only advice as such, but also his own assessment of these tips in terms of the ease or difficulty of following them in solving the problem that has arisen.

The point is that the client should have sufficiently complete information about each specific recommendation offered

psychologist-consultant, i.e. to know what it will cost him to follow this or that recommendation and with what degree of probability such following will lead to the solution of his problem.

After the counselor psychologist offered the client alternative advice on solving his problem, the client’s head (due to his psychological, professional unpreparedness and lack of life experience, as well as due to the redundancy of information received from the consultant) does not immediately develop a completely adequate image of the situation . The client is not immediately able to make the right choice from among the alternatives offered to him. Moreover, he, as a rule, does not have enough time for this. For these reasons, the client can not immediately make the right and right decision.

In order to make it easier for the client to find such a solution, the psychologist-consultant, while the client is still thinking about the information received, must himself offer him reasoned own assessments of the effectiveness of different ways of behavior, revealing to the client their positive and negative sides.

When making a final, independent decision, the client must be aware that if he prefers one of the behaviors to others, then as a result he will receive some benefit and almost certainly miss something.

Rule 3The client must be given the opportunity to independently choose the way of behavior that he considers most suitable for himself.

No one but the client himself is able to fully know his personal characteristics and living conditions, so no one but the client will be able to make the best decision. True, the client himself may be mistaken. Therefore, the psychologist-consultant, giving the client the opportunity to make an independent choice, is still obliged to express his point of view.

One of the most effective forms of providing practical assistance in this case to the client by the psychologist-consultant is that the consultant and the client change roles for a while: the psychologist-consultant asks the client to explain to him the choice made and justify it, while he, listening carefully client, asking him questions.

rule4. In conclusion of a psychological consultation, it is very important to provide the client with effective means of self-monitoring the success of the practical actions taken to solve the problem.

Since psychological counseling is mainly a method of independent psycho-correctional work, calculated on the client’s own strengths and capabilities, so that the client will have to correct the shortcomings in his own psychology and behavior, it is very important to provide him with the means of self-control of the effectiveness of his own actions.

Specifically, in this case, we are talking about exactly informing the client how he can control himself in practice, and by what signs he will judge that his behavior is correct, and the actions taken actually give a positive result.

Rule 5Providing the client with an additional opportunity to receive the necessary advice and recommendations from the psychologist-consultant is already in the process of practical problem solving.

This rule is due to the fact that not always and not immediately everything is clear to the client and everything, without exception, is completely successful. Often, and even when the client seemed to have understood everything quite well, accepted the recommendations of the counseling psychologist and had already practically begun to implement them, in the process of implementing the recommendations received, a lot of unforeseen circumstances and additional questions suddenly appear that require urgent answers.

In order for these issues to be promptly resolved, it is necessary that the client be able to constantly keep in touch with the counseling psychologist, including after the completion of the consultation and receiving the necessary recommendations. And for this, the psychologist-consultant, when parting with the client at the end of the consultation, needs to tell him exactly where and when he - the client - will be able, if necessary, to receive the necessary prompt assistance from him.

Rule 6Before completing the work and giving the client the opportunity to act independently, the psychologist-consultant must make sure that the client really understood everything correctly, accepted it and was ready to act in the right direction without doubt or hesitation.

In order to be practically convinced of this, at the end of the consultation it is advisable to again give the floor to the client and ask him to answer the following questions, for example:

1. Is everything clear and convincing for you?

2. Tell us about how you are going to proceed. Sometimes it is useful to ask the client a series of specific questions, the answers to which reveal the degree of understanding and acceptance by the client of the recommendations received from the counseling psychologist.

FINAL WORK ACCORDING TO THE COURSE

« PSYCHOLOGICAL COUNSELING: FROM DIAGNOSTICS TO WAYS TO SOLVE THE PROBLEM»

1. Description of the child – Anna K.

Age 11, gender - female, class - 5 "A".

Family composition: father, mother, daughter aged 16 and daughter aged 11.

Social status is high.

The main problem: the aggravated course of the age crisis.

This problem manifests itself in the child's behavior in the form of conflicts with classmates.

2. meeting initiative.

The parent came himself and formulated the reason for the meeting as follows: “The girl grew up and conflicts with peers began. There are no conflicts at home. She is vulnerable, not greedy. There is a sister with whom they quarrel, and then reconcile.”

3 . The room where the consultation was held was a separate office, with a table by the window. At the table there is a chair and a chair in front of the table. The psychologist and the parent sat on chairs at the table. The distance between them is about 70-80cm

4. Description of the consultation.

Establish contact with the parent by greeting and introducing yourself, briefly describing the counseling process, and communicating the principle of confidentiality. The educational achievements of the child were also noted.

The parent was given the opportunity to speak out: “Tell me, please, what worries you about the child’s behavior?” During the listening, the techniques of pause, passive listening with verbal components, questioning, paraphrase and generalization were applied.

At the end of the parent’s story, she was asked the question “how do you feel when you are now telling me about this?” and, thus, the client's feelings and experiences were legalized (anxiety, concern for the relationship with the daughter, fear of a decrease in the daughter's academic performance, fear of a possible confrontation between the daughter and classmates, etc.).

Then an analysis of the content of the problem was made. The difficulty was in the conflicts that arose with classmates, which had not happened before, since the girl is calm, “more mature than her years.” The parent found out that her daughter does not talk everything about what is happening to her at school. She turned to a psychologist, as complaints began to come from the class teacher about her daughter's behavior, and she herself feels that it has become more difficult for her to communicate with her daughter.

This situation arose at the beginning of this school year, when Anya moved to the 5th grade. Locus of complaint: The client identified the greatest difficulty as “she can’t hear me.”

Self-diagnosis: Mom attributes problems to difficult adaptation to a new school when she entered it in the 4th grade, when the girl was “new” and often endured bullying from some girls from this class.

The primary formulation of the problem and request is that the child sometimes does not hear what the mother requires of him, the girl began to behave more aggressively towards some classmates.

Analytical step. The parent was explained that the difficulties described by him can be caused by various reasons, and the next step in the work will be to identify these reasons. At the end of the meeting, the client was asked to meet in a few days, to diagnose the relationship of the parent to the teenager and the teenager to the parent (the “Unfinished Sentences” technique), to observe the girl over the next week, meet and talk with her, as well as the final meeting upon completion of these activities with the parent.

The problem that worries the client could be caused by the following factors: the child is not satisfied with the nature of interaction with peers and adults (some classmates and some family members). As a result of the consultation, I put forward a diagnostic hypothesis about the parent's misconceptions about the patterns of child development and ineffective ways of interacting with the child. The parent was asked to get acquainted with the features of adaptation during the transition to the 5th grade, as well as the features of adolescence.

organizational stage. In working with a teenager and a parent, the method "Unfinished sentences for parents and teenagers" (see Appendix 1, 2), a diagnostic meeting with a teenager, observing the behavior of a girl at school, and a conversation with her class teacher were used.

Next, there was a discussion of the results of the diagnostic stage, at which the client formulated a new request - how to properly communicate with the youngest daughter? During the meeting, an informing technique was used, the purpose of which is to increase the psychological competence of the client (features of adolescence). Recommendation technique was also used. The recommendations were formulated in the form of rules for communicating with a teenager (see Annex 3).

Attachment 1

	parent about teenager	teen about mom	Similarity in perception of each other
"Open"	“I want everything to work out in her life”, “I want to be a leader”, “I like to be the first”	“thinks of me”, “very short-tempered and a little “psycho””, "gets upset"	Daughter does not always understand the reasons for mom's emotions
Comparative assessment	"older than his years" “.. behaves constrainedly if he sees an advantage in something from a peer”	"kinder, more for me does something, respects me ... as if ... "President"", "begins to behave differently" (demanding and strict if they are in public - approx.)	There is mutual understanding, and yet the daughter does not understand the "change" in the mother's behavior when strangers
Significant characteristics	"kindness", "theatrical skill"	“smart and fair (sometimes not very, in my opinion)”, “the most, the most, the most, the best”
Positive Features	“listens to me and understands”, “kindness towards relatives, sympathy”	“she doesn’t get sick and ... everything works out, and when we don’t quarrel”, “her kindness to me, ... Everything (like - approx.)”
Perfect Expectations	“I was happy”, “I achieved my goal”, “I did more sports”, “I studied well”	“she paid more attention to me, rather she treated me better”, “act in some kind of film”, “became calmer”, “rather strict”
Possible fears, concerns	“confusion, excessive trust in people, intemperance, jealousy of a sister”, “something might happen (get sick)”, “everything was fine, understanding”	“a little irritable”, “I can get lost somewhere and “break” mom and dad’s heart”, “mom never had a backache and everything else”
Real Requirements	“more attention to reading”, “sometimes it’s rude to me to answer ( calmly answered)	“she paid attention to me and when I was doing modeling or theater she took it seriously ( be interested in the course of her classes and success in them, talk with these teachers - approx.)"," stopped screaming "	Emphasis on mutual confrontation when expressing negative emotions, demand from the daughter of interest in her activities
Causes of difficulties	“does not hear me”, “when she watches films for a long time”, “indecision and absent-mindedness”	“something doesn’t work out for me”, “sometimes, if it seems to me that she loves my sister more than me”, “be calm-her”	Jealousy for the sister, the need for a more patient and less expressive attitude towards the daughter; the mother would like to see the teenager more accommodating and obedient.
static data	“was not deprived of attention”, “was more active”, “transition to 4th grade”	“I was always made fun of, laughed at and loved”, “many boys liked her, she was not rude to my grandmother ... she studied well”
Interests, preferences	"theatrical skills, modeling agency, loves to read poetry", "cooking, receiving friends when they pay a lot of attention to her, praise", "agree with me, although not immediately"	“my studies and mood”, “everything works out for me”, “so that everything is fine with Masha and leave when I get married with me in Paris”
action	"doing what we both like", "very close in a relationship", "good"	"in agreement", "like real" do not spill water girlfriends "and like little children who constantly play with each other", “very good, sometimes we quarrel a lot with her, but there is always a HAPPY END (thought up yesterday after a strong quarrel)”

Annex 3

PROBLEM - "My child does not HEAR me."

Rule 1. When addressing a child, speak less, not more. In this case, you increase the likelihood of being understood and heard. Why? But because children need more time to comprehend what they hear before answering something (they have a completely different speed of processing information than adults). Thus, if you ask your child a question or ask for something, wait at least five seconds - the child will take in more information and, quite possibly, give an adequate answer. Try to be concise and precise, avoid lengthy monologues. At this age, the child becomes more receptive if he knows that he will not have to listen to a whole lecture. For example: “Please clean the closet before you go for a walk”, “Now you need to learn physics”, etc. Sometimes one reminder word is enough: “Cleaning!”, “Literature!”.

Rule 2. Speak kindly, politely - as you would like to be spoken to you - and ... QUIETLY. A lowered, muffled voice usually catches a person by surprise, and the child will definitely stop to listen to you. After all, it is not for nothing that teachers use this technique so successfully to attract the attention of a raging class.

Rule 3. Be an attentive listener, do not be distracted by extraneous matters when the child tells you something. Listen to him twice as much as you speak. Your growing child simply cannot become an attentive listener if he has no one to learn this from. Make sure you yourself can be an example of what you want from your child (pay attention to how you listen to your husband, friends, family and, of course, the child himself).

Rule 4. If you are very annoyed, you should not start a conversation. Your irritation, aggression will be instantly transferred to your child, and he will no longer hear you. This is due to the fact that one of the psychological features of this age is emotional instability, to a greater extent due to hormonal changes occurring in the child's body.

Rule 5. Before you say anything, make eye contact with your child. First, make sure he is looking at you and not away (if not, ask him to look at you - this technique works with adults, such as husbands). When you look into each other's eyes - the child is at your disposal, you can formulate your request or question. Doing this all the time when you need your child's attention will teach him to listen to you.

Rule 6. It is often difficult for teenagers to immediately switch their attention to your question, especially if they are busy doing what they really like. Moreover, the child may not really hear you (such is the peculiarity of attention at this age). In this case, give warnings - set a time limit: "I want to talk to you in a minute, please digress" or "I need your help in two minutes." At the same time, the set time interval should not exceed five minutes, otherwise the teenager will simply forget.