Among the main reasons for an unsettled personal life is often called a phobia of love. Psychologists and sociologists are sure that this problem is not uncommon. A huge number of lonely people is irrefutable proof that the fear of falling in love with another person is among the most common phobias.

Identifying Symptoms

Few people know what the panic fear of love is called. Experts have given it the name philophobia. The problem occurs in both men and women. However, depending on the nature of the person, it manifests itself in different ways:

Causes

The fear of love haunts many people on the planet. However, the reason for its occurrence is different for everyone:

How to get rid of the problem?

The fear of falling in love should not be underestimated. It can be compared to a serious disease, the treatment of which requires a lot of time. The first step on the path to healing is the awareness of the presence of the disease. For more thorough treatment, you should contact a psychologist who can identify the problem by the most minor symptoms. If you are afraid to contact a specialist, are shy or do not trust him, try:

Many philophobes do not know the name of the fear of strong feelings that they experience. But even without knowing the name of your fear, you need to deal with phobias. Fear of falling in love dooms to loneliness, deprives the most vivid impressions of life.

How to get rid of the fear of a serious relationship.

There are many obstacles in the way of a happy relationship. Most of them are fears. In this article, you will learn how to overcome them.

How to get rid of phobias and fears on your own: advice from a psychologist

• First determine what kind of phobia you have. Then read what thoughts trigger it. Tune in to the desired way of thinking, get rid of obsessive ones.
• Then each phobia needs an individual approach. However, when choosing your method of getting rid of a phobia, be sure to check the tips from the article.

Fear of men - androphobia: symptoms, causes

• Unpleasant experiences from the past. They are associated with failed relationships.
• Family. If the relationship between the parents was bad and the mother constantly condemned the father with her daughter.
• The phobia appears due to watching movies where men show cruelty and malice in relationships.
• Confidence in your unattractiveness.

As expressed:

• A woman constantly feels falseness in the courtship of men. It seems to her that behind all their attempts to start communication, there is a desire to take possession of her and leave her.
• She feels anxiety in places where there are a lot of men.
• The word man for her is associated with selfishness and arrogance.
• A woman subject to this phobia is too critical of men. He finds many faults in them.
• She often considers herself a feminist. Constantly seeks out facts of violation of women's rights by men.

Ways to solve the problem:

• Admit your fear. And do not try to hide it behind the fact that men are "bad."
• After the first paragraph, consult a psychologist. With the help of hypnosis or conversations, he will help you look at men as ordinary people.

• You can write letters in which you express all your feelings because of them. Of course, such letters should not be sent to the address.
• Encourage and support yourself. Every day, consciously do not allow yourself to criticize your actions.
• Practice communicating with men.

Fear of falling in love - philophobia: symptoms, causes

• Search for the ideal partner who has only positive qualities.
• The loss of a loved one and the idealization of his personality. This makes new relationships impossible.
• Unsuccessful relationships with the opposite sex. The previous partner was rude or cruel.
• Adolescence trauma. Unrequited love, transferred from 12 to 18 years. During this period, failures are usually perceived more painfully than by adults.
• Family problems. If a child often saw scandals, humiliation in his family, he becomes unpleasant to the opposite sex.

What reinforces philophobia?

• Low self-esteem
• Fear of losing personal freedom
• Fear of taking responsibility for your decisions

As expressed:

A person is often unaware of this phobia. He creates his own comfortable little world, into which he does not let outsiders. This world consists of a convenient philophobe way of life.
• The stronger the philophobia, the more difficult it is for a person to share his feelings and emotions.
• A person either tries to be alone, or is constantly in a noisy company, in a crowded place.

• Philophobe can be sloppy, cares little about his appearance. Or go to the other extreme: pay a lot of attention to your appearance.

Ways to solve the problem:

• Realize what hidden benefits philophobia gives you. To do this, you can use the technique from the video at the end of this subtopic about philophobia. Such benefits can be: protection from the loss of a loved one, protection of personal space and freedom, as well as protection from disappointment.
• Become more aware of your behavior. Notice those moments when you are driven by philophobia. Awareness of the problem is the first step towards solving it.

• Boost your self-esteem. To do this, praise yourself even for small successes. At the end or beginning of each day, note five of your positive qualities.
• Develop positive thinking. To do this, every day, remember five happy events of the past day and five of your achievements. And also find five positive qualities in people that you currently do not like. Read books by Luza Hay or A. Sviyash.
• Try to communicate with new people more often, travel.
• Do the usual things in an unusual environment. For example, take your morning walks in a new, unknown area.

VIDEO: NLP: how easy it is to change in 15 minutes? (reframing)

Fear of women, girls - gynecophobia (gynephobia, feminophobia gynophobia): symptoms, causes

• A cruel, overbearing, or short-tempered mother. Or she quickly changed moods.
• The father is weak and weak-willed.
• Bad personal experience. Personal unsuccessful relationships or just an unpleasant situation associated with a woman. Sometimes ladies act tense and aggressive with men because of past disappointments or bad stereotypes. Therefore, a man immediately faces the unpleasant side of girls.

As expressed:

• Discomfort when trying to start a conversation with a girl. It could be anxiety or a strong surge of fear.
• Fear of being the first to start an acquaintance, even if the girl is pretty.
• A gynecophobic tries to communicate with women as little as possible. Next to them, he feels weak and unprotected.
• When communicating with women, feminophobes can be rude and impudent. They try to emphasize their superiority.
• Gynecophobes are afraid to have intimate contact.

Ways to solve the problem:

• You can consult a psychologist. But only if your phobia is not amenable to your own treatment.
• Try to get to know the girls better. The unknown is scary. And if there is no uncertainty, it will be easier to start communication each time.
• Realize that girls are people just like you. They have their complexes and fears.
• Practice more often in communicating with girls.

• Don't be afraid of rejection. Someone's "no" is not at all a confirmation of your unattractiveness. This is just a sign that somewhere there is an even more interesting and beautiful girl who will say yes to you.
• Try to get rid of negative experiences from the past associated with girls. Imagine that a girl who once offended you tells you her story. Remember, any aggression is evidence of a person’s complexes and fears. Mentally see how the girl says that she is sorry that she herself felt bad, that's why she did it.

Fear of kissing - philemaphobia: symptoms, causes

• Fear of appearing awkward and inexperienced
• Fear of getting uncomfortable
• Fear of losing control of oneself and the situation
• Unpleasant sensations when someone is in your personal space
• Once upon a time, a guy / girl with whom a person kissed laughed at his manner of kissing
• Unpleasant memories of someone kissing you against your will
• Sometimes philemaphobia is closely related to the fear of being infected with other people's microbes (bacteriophobia)
• Fear of rejection or rejection

fear of kissing - philemaphobia

As expressed:

• Philemophobes are afraid of relationships, try to avoid contact with the opposite sex
• At the thought of kissing, these people feel dizzy, nauseous. They tremble and experience a lot of stress
• Looking at a simple scene in a movie with a kiss or at a kissing couple, the philemophobe feels fear and disgust

Ways to solve the problem:

• Realize that your partner loves you. And any kiss will be pleasant for him, simply because he will kiss you.
• Consult with a psychologist.
• If you have a fear of the first kiss, then after kissing once you will no longer experience it.
• Realize that kiss rejection is not a big deal. Make frequent attempts to start new relationships. Then rejection will stop scaring you.
• If you are a man, remember that a woman may refuse a kiss because of coquetry or shyness.

• Read about women's and men's hidden sexual cues to know whether or not to try to kiss.
• Do not try to learn how to kiss from manuals and instructions. Each person is unique and individual. Everyone has their own preferences in kissing. So just be observant during the process. Try to feel whether your partner likes what you are doing or not.
• If you are afraid of bad breath, then remember a few simple rules. The smell from dental diseases like caries or tartar cannot be masked, only cured. To make your mouth smell good before kissing, chew gum for 10 minutes. You can read more about treating bad breath at.

Fear of sex and sexual relations - genophobia: symptoms, causes

IMPORTANT: Fear of showing one's inexperience in a young woman/young man should not be confused with erotophobia. It can be overcome by gaining experience over time.

• Severe pain with loss of virginity
• Violence experienced in the past
• Negative attitudes from childhood. The mother or grandmother who said sex was dangerous and dirty
• Complexes due to the fact that a person is convinced that he is ugly
• Your partner's sarcastic comments about your sexual relationship

fear of sex - genophobia

As expressed:

• A person tries to avoid intimacy, refuses, coming up with excuses.
• In severe cases, he tries not to have a relationship at all.

Ways to solve the problem:

• If you are body shy, understand the simple truth. Your partner loves you and your body is perfect for him.
• Decide more to practice. In time, the fear will go away.

Fear of sex - erotophobia: symptoms, causes

• Violence
• Suggestion by adults that sex is dirty or shameful
• Bad personal experience

Ways to solve the problem:

• Consult a psychologist or go through psychological training.
• Think about the benefits of successful sex: incredible sensations, improved relationships with a partner or partner, healing and positive emotions.
• Talk to your partner, discuss the problem. Ask him to be gentle with you.

Fear of sex - erotophobia

Fear of first intimacy - intimophobia: symptoms, causes

• Not knowing how to behave
• (In the case of girls) Fear that after sex, the guy will lose interest

How it manifests itself:

• A person tries to avoid contact with the opposite sex.
• Avoids relationships and is afraid of falling in love. knows the relationship will have to go through sex.

Ways to solve the problem:

• Get rid of the attitude that not knowing about sex and being inexperienced is shameful. This is your first time. Not knowing much about something you've never done is not bad.
• Be sure to protect yourself, make your sex safe. Then you won't have to regret the first time.

• Relax and get ready to enjoy. Think of the pleasant sex that the heroes of films, books or your acquaintances had. You can do it too!
• (For women and girls) Mentally thank your fear for trying to protect you. And let him go. Realize that your partner will help you and become your protection. The incentive to get rid of fear will also be the fact that it itself can cause pain. The emotional and muscular tightness that fear calls for will cause pain.

Fear of first intimacy - intimophobia

VIDEO: Training: how to get rid of the fear of the first sex?

Fear of getting a sexually transmitted disease - venereal phobia: symptoms, causes

• Personal experience of contact with a person infected with venereal diseases
• Understanding that sex can be unsafe
• False information taken from unreliable sources
• Misconceptions learned from friends

How it manifests itself:

• Any discomfort in the intimate area causes fear and panic in the vinerophobe. Even harmless inflammation seems to him the beginning of a venereal disease.
• A person who once suffered a venereal disease becomes distrustful. It always seems to him that the recovery is not yet complete.

Fear of getting venereal disease - venereal disease

• Vinerophobe is afraid of any sexual contacts and avoids them.
• In serious cases, the thought of sex causes panic. It is manifested by rapid breathing, increased heart rate, severe weakness. The same is repeated when the possibility of sex arises.

Ways to solve the problem:

• First of all, sincerely wish you get well. Find the pros in sex and the benefits it finds.

• Choose a gentle, patient doctor. He should calmly and patiently answer all your questions about your state of health.
• Pass all the necessary tests and make sure that you do not have sexually transmitted diseases.

Fear of beautiful women

• Self-doubt, inferiority complex
• The stereotype that beautiful women will always try to take over a man
• Fear of rejection
• Stereotype that beautiful women are stupid and selfish

As expressed:

• At the sight of a beautiful girl, a person develops shortness of breath, dizziness, and rapid heartbeat.

The cause of fear is self-doubt

• In the company of a beautiful girl, a man feels uncomfortable.
• A man communicates well with girls of ordinary appearance, but panics when communicating with beauties.
• In cases of severe phobia, the man may run away from the place where the beautiful woman is.

In the company of a beautiful girl, a man feels uncomfortable

Ways to solve the problem:

• If the guy is still a teenager, then this phobia will most likely pass with time.
• Contact a psychologist. Find out what event from the past caused this phobia.
• Take a self-esteem course.
• Learn self-love affirmations and repeat them to yourself during phobias.

Treatment of phobias with hypnosis

Briefly, hypnosis treats phobias in the following way:

• The hypnotist finds in the patient's subconscious the root cause of his panic and fear.
• Through attunement and suggestion, the client accepts the painful event. Stop clinging to him. Forms a new, positive model of behavior. Returns to reality a different, better person.

The hypnotist finds in the patient's subconscious the root cause of his panic

Video: Hypnosis: treatment of fears and phobias with hypnosis.

Video: Meditation & Hypnosis. Self-hypnosis. How to learn to control the subconscious?

Video: Hypnosis session. Fears, phobias, anxiety.

Video: How to overcome your fears? Oleg Gadetsky

The fear of love (or falling in love) is called philophobia. The word comes from the Greek "philos", which means "loving or beloved". People suffering from this phobia suffer from romantic feelings or the formation of all kinds of emotional attachments. When it comes to unusual phobias, Philophobia is definitely at the top of this list. As you know, this fear has cultural or religious roots, where a person may have been subjected to an arranged marriage, and therefore fears to fall in love.

This condition can significantly affect a person's life to the point that it becomes difficult to commit or form healthy relationships. Such individuals tend to live alone.

It is believed that Queen Elizabeth of England suffered from philophobia. She loved and allowed several suitors to court her, but this never turned into marriage or commitment. Historians now believe that her condition was due to her seeing her mother, Anne Boleyn, as well as her cousin, executed for love. The fact that her own father was responsible for carrying out the order made the girl believe that all romantic relationships have a tragic end.

Philophobia: This is the fear of emotional attachment and the fear of falling in love. The risk usually arises when a person is confronted with any expansive turmoil that has to do with feelings, but it can also be a chronic phobia. This affects the quality of life and repels a person from obligations. The worst aspect of the fear of being in love is that it keeps a person alone. The phobia also develops from religious and cultural beliefs that forbid romance. The frustration represents a certain amount of guilt and frustration with regard to the reaction coming from within.

Love is one of the most beautiful and amazing parts of life, but it can also be intimidating. While individual fears are normal, some find the idea of ​​falling in love with fear.

Philophobia is the fear of love or an emotional connection with another person.

It shares many of the same traits as other specific phobias, especially those that are social in nature. And it can significantly affect your life if left untreated.

Philophobia is an unreasonable and irrational fear of falling in love. Sometimes the sufferer falls in love, but in his mind this causes great emotional turmoil. There are many theories why this happens:

The nature, extent and causes of philophobia all vary from case to case, and sometimes it is a real mystery as to why it might have happened in the first place.

Symptoms

Philophobia differs from one individual to another:

• Some people are so afraid of love that they don't open up to anyone. They may indeed have relationships, but they don't support either one.
• Their well-being often depends on the answers they receive from the person they love. This constantly keeps them in suspense and anxiety. They are extremely possessive or, on the contrary, drive away their loved ones with their detachment.
• There is also intense anxiety due to the pressure of commitment: agitation, shallow breathing, fast heart rate, nausea, chest pains, etc. are a few physical symptoms that can be attributed to philophobia.
• Panic and anxiety attacks are also common. This can be terrifying, as the sufferer often experiences dizziness or an urge to run away, crying, trembling or sweating profusely, or even feeling as if he will pass out.

Thus, the fear of love phobia can be quite debilitating for the sufferer.

Philophobia is an overwhelming and unfounded fear of falling in love, beyond just typical anxiety. The phobia is so intense that it interferes with your life.

Symptoms vary. They include both emotional and physical reactions, even thinking about falling in love:

• feelings of intense fear or panic
• evasion
• sweating
• fast heartbeat
• labored breathing
• heaviness
• nausea

You may know that fear is irrational, but still not able to control it.

Philophobia is a non-social anxiety disorder, although people with this fear can also have it. This violation causes extreme fear in social situations, but differs from philophobia because it covers a number of collective contexts.

Fear of love shares some similarities with disinhibited community participation disorder, attachment disorder in children under 18 years of age. This makes it difficult for people with anxiety to form deep, meaningful connections with others. It is usually the result of childhood trauma or neglect.

Risk factors

Philophobia is also more common in people with a history of shock, said Scott Dehorty (LCSW-C and executive director of Maryland House Detox, Delphi Behavioral Health Group): “The fear is that the pain will come back and the risk is not worth the chance. If a person has been deeply wounded or abandoned in childhood, he is incapable of approaching someone who can do the same. The fear response is to avoid the relationship while avoiding the pain. The more a person shuns the source of his anxiety, the more likely it is that the fear will increase.”

Specific phobias can also be related to genetics and the environment. According to the Mayo Clinic, in some cases, specific phobias can develop due to changes in brain function.

Diagnostics

Because philophobia is not included in the American Psychiatric Association's Test and Statistical Manual (DSM), your doctor is unlikely to give you an official diagnosis of philophobia.

However, seek psychological help if the fear becomes overwhelming. A doctor or therapist will evaluate the symptoms present, as well as the medical, psychiatric, and social history.

If left untreated, philophobia can increase the risk of complications, including:

• public isolation
• depression and anxiety disorders
• drug and alcohol abuse
• suicide

Treatment

There are many ways to overcome the fear of love. Self-help books, talk therapy, psychotherapy, hypnoanalysis, etc. are a few effective methods that have shown proven results.

There are also online forums or support groups that can encourage an individual to open up about their concerns about love and commitment.

It is important to manage the anxiety attacks caused by the phobia. Medications may be prescribed, however, this is not a permanent solution. You need to rely on other methods that offer long-term treatment. Behavioral therapy, meditation, neurolinguistic modalities, etc. are a few proven ways to overcome philophobia for good.

Coping options vary depending on the severity of the phobia. These include medication, medications, lifestyle changes, or a combination of these treatments.

Therapy

Therapy - specifically cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) - helps people with philophobia deal with their fear. CBT involves identifying and changing negative thoughts, beliefs, and reactions to the source of the phobia.

It is important to learn the key of fear and the pain inflicted. There can be many growth opportunities within an experience that are simply classified as "avoidant patients," Dehorty said. "Once the source is explored, there can be real testing of potential future connections."

Possible scenarios may be helpful. Ask questions such as:

• What if the relationship doesn't work?
• What will happen next?
• Am I still okay?

"We often make these problems much bigger in our imagination, and playing the script can be rewarding," Dehorty said. “Then by setting a few small goals, like saying “Hi,” back, or meeting a friend or colleague for coffee. People will slowly start to build relationships and fears will subside.”

Medical treatment

In some cases, a doctor will prescribe antidepressants or anti-cancer drugs if there are other diagnosable mental health problems. The drugs are usually used in combination with therapy.

Lifestyle change

If your friend has a phobia such as philophobia, there are things you can do to lend a helping hand:

• Recognize that this is a serious fear, even if it is difficult to understand.
• Enlighten yourself about phobias.
• Do not pressure the patient to do something that is not ready.
• Encourage them to ask for help if it seems appropriate and tell them where to find it.
• Ask how you can help them.

Forecast

Phobias like philophobia make you feel overwhelming at times and seriously affect your life but are treatable. "Fears shouldn't be prisons that we're limited to," Dehorty said. "It's probably inconvenient to get out of them, but it can be done."

Seeking early help is the key to overcoming your phobia and contributing to a fulfilling and happy life.

Philophobia is a fairly common type of fear that adults often face. He manifests himself in the fact that he is psychologically ready for a new relationship, but at the same time he does not reveal his soul to his soul mate. Even if the relationship develops quite successfully, such people often look secretive.

Far from always a person is aware of the reasons for his secrecy, therefore, he often creates the impression of insincere, closed. The reasons for this state are often complexes and stereotypes. If you do not deal with complexes in a timely manner, then you can not even think about creating normal relationships.

At the heart of any relationship is the feeling of love. Love arises spontaneously, and it is impossible to explain the feeling logically. Even a very strong person is not able to control the feeling of sympathy. Therefore, vulnerable and insecure people often experience real panic when it comes to relationships with the opposite sex.

What is philophobia? This fear of falling in love can be existing or received in life psychological trauma, difficult breakups, and much more. Let's highlight some of them:

• Psychological trauma after a breakup. Some people experience real depression after a relationship with a previous partner ended in a breakup. At the same time, you need to understand that only in soap operas do all relationships end in a happy ending. In real life, things are not so simple. If the attachment was strong, then after the breakup, the person is faced with a real depression, his self-esteem and pride suffer. Therefore, philophobia manifests itself in the desire to avoid this in the future, even if it's just a harmless flirtation.
• Almost all people have a tendency to compare former partners with current ones. However, some elevate the former partner to the rank of "saint", so after the break they find themselves in the role of a victim, because they were unworthy of their idol.
• Fear of disappointment. Unsuccessful relationships in the past lead some individuals to be disappointed in the very feeling of falling in love. Therefore, they are in no hurry to look for acquaintances with new partners, even if they really like them and look attractive. The presence of complexes and low self-esteem also turns into a big problem in this case. Such people very often suffer from the fear of falling in love. It turns out to be very difficult for them to open their souls to someone.
• Fear of losing your "I". Often a similar situation arises when communicating with people who are very selfish persons. For them, only they themselves exist, and the opinions and feelings of others are of very little interest to them. However, some individuals turn out to be real dictators and tyrants. In this case, fear manifests itself in their soulmate in the form of a victim complex.
• Fear of losing freedom. Every person has the right to their own space. He tries his best to protect him from strangers. As a rule, many inveterate bachelors belong to this category. Often they are referred to as dissolute persons, but in fact they are trying in every possible way to protect their own freedom. With great difficulty, they let into the life of a person to whom they feel sympathy, because they are afraid of deprivation of liberty.
• Treason of the second halves. Many try to build relationships on trust and love, so when faced with betrayal, they close their hearts. Philophobia manifests itself in the belief that a new relationship will end the same.
• Too complex. A person with high self-esteem can be identified from a distance, just like those who have self-esteem "below the baseboard". Most often, pathology manifests itself in dissatisfaction with one's own external data. Moreover, a person demonstrates these shortcomings, both by his behavior and subconsciously. The personality shows everyone that the manifestation of love for her is completely impossible, gradually she joins the ranks of phobes.
• Family life. Family relationships go through a series of crises. During this period, conflicts arise and pitfalls appear. Therefore, the probability of a couple breaking up becomes high. If this happens, then the person develops this fear
• Problems between parents. If love reigns in the family between parents, then mistrust between members is rare. However, if one of the parents decides to build a new relationship and leaves the family, then the children feel guilty. Therefore, in adulthood, they have great difficulty believing in sincerity and devotion.
• Tyranny in the parental family. This is unacceptable in principle, as it leads to injuries to all members. If parents raise their children with their fists, then this injures the psyche and makes the child a victim. In the future, the child will have philophobia.
• Fear of duty. The need to support your family often turns into panic attacks. Since a stingy person will be afraid that his money will be encroached on, he can turn into a sick person.
• Lack of self-confidence. By creating complexes, a person, as it were, is fenced off from the outside world. Even thoughts of love can lead to philophobia and aggression. It is easier for such a person to show himself as a loser.
• Loss of a child. If a misfortune occurred in the family associated with the death of a child, then this is indeed a tragedy. Such relationships often fall apart, and people develop a fear of falling in love, because they are afraid to become attached to someone.
• Victims of violence. Having experienced violence, a person faces not only physical disgust, but also psychological problems. Especially serious trauma can occur if the abuse occurred on the part of a loved one who was previously completely trusted. Therefore, in this case, the panic fear of falling in love is guaranteed, the victim will try with all his might to avoid such situations, and will not be able to let him into his soul.
• Cruelty in love. Not everyone likes veal tenderness, however, some consider this a normal manifestation of their feelings. Since others reject it, a person develops complexes.

We can conclude that philophobia is a panicky horror of a possible love. Causes arise not through the fault of a person, but under the influence of external circumstances. Keeping your own life under control can be very difficult, but it is quite possible to return joy and build normal relationships.

How do the symptoms appear

Philophobia has clear signs of that. The man needs to be rescued urgently. Often they are attributed to personality traits. But this is not a personality trait at all, but symptoms of a big problem:

• Man tries to live alone. As a rule, communicates with friends, but there are no relations with the opposite sex:
• Tries to run away from a partner immediately after meeting. Such people can get acquainted and even enter into close relationships. But after a short time they announce a break in relations;
• Lack of trust. Such people do not reveal their souls, and they treat everyone with suspicion. They don't trust anyone at all.
• They try to avoid questions. It can be difficult for such a person to admit the fear of falling in love with the opposite sex. They talk a lot, about anything, but they never talk about their own concerns. Don't wait for answers to your questions.
• They don't flirt. Even within reasonable limits, they avoid any form of flirting. This forces us to draw certain conclusions.
• Problems with diction. Oddly enough, but for a fob, this is a reason for refusing a relationship.
• They feel guilty about everything. An insult inflicted on a vulnerable person can cause such a complex. A person is afraid of relationships so as not to hurt another.
• Aggression towards oneself. A person shows aggression towards his beloved and towards himself. When meeting an interesting person, they try to avoid possible relationships.
• They spoil themselves. The fear of falling in love in this case is manifested in a conflict with oneself. It can be a manifestation of psychosis, when a person deliberately makes himself unattractive. In turn, this helps to avoid interest from the opposite sex.
• Avoid melodrama. This is a kind of protest against other people's feelings. Phoebe they are unpleasant.

How to fight

Such a manifestation of philophobia can have quite serious complications. Such people have every chance of being alone for life. They are in no hurry to have children and families. Therefore, you need to solve the problem as soon as possible. After all, every year to create happy relationships are becoming less and less.

Psychological help and self-therapy

There are quite effective methods that allow you to get rid of philophobia and return to normal life. The first step is to acknowledge the existence of the problem. After that, make a plan to get out of this situation. Therapy must be comprehensive. You need to contact a psychologist who will help find the causes of the phobia.

According to experts, the problem is really serious. Therefore, you need to do the following:

• Confidently talk to a psychologist. If there was a problem in the past, then trying to analyze it yourself can even be dangerous. Therefore, it is best to go through this stage under the supervision of a specialist.
• Hypnosis. Often people are afraid of this method, however, this is nothing more than a myth. If it is used by an experienced specialist, then the fears are in vain. The problem extracted from the area of ​​the subconscious can be considered from all sides and analyzed.
• Cognitive-behavioral methods. This technique allows you to project a phobia on situations in life. An experienced specialist will help solve the problem.

Independent work

In addition to studying with a psychologist, you need to try to help yourself on your own. You can find yourself in splendid isolation or lead a depraved lifestyle. But this will not allow you to gain the integrity of your own family.

Self-hypnosis. Trying to change your own life always has certain difficulties. Getting used to a lonely existence, a person feels quite comfortable. In order to start moving the target, you need to leave your comfort zone. Try watching melodramas, reading romance novels. This will make it possible to understand that in fact, sincere feelings and passion can arise between people.

We analyze our lives. In the depths of his soul, each person is aware of the reason that provoked the problem. If the signs of a phobia are especially vivid, then there is a factor that provoked it. Therefore, it is very important to determine the cause, and try to change the attitude towards it. Try to forgive and let go of your offender. Don't ruin your life for this.

Flirt. Even if you really want it, you need to make a little effort. Just hang out with the opposite sex. However, try to keep yourself within limits. You can flirt, smile sweetly. But don't be too pushy.

Medication treatment

Medicines will not cure a sick soul. But they can help relieve tension and stress. They must be taken under medical supervision. As a rule, drugs for therapy belong to several groups:

• Taking antidepressants. Here it is necessary to make a reservation that this is not a panacea for ills. In some cases, “jamming” failures leads to sad consequences. Often they only make an already difficult situation worse. If the problem is pronounced, the doctor will prescribe the appropriate course of treatment.
• Sedatives. As such a treatment, it is better to use herbal teas with a calming effect, glycine. Nice relaxing baths.

An endless series of passions, sexual partners, or, on the contrary, complete isolation and a pristine biography of relationships. It would seem that two completely opposite phenomena, characteristics of radically different people, but they have something in common. And this is something - the fear of love, the fear of relationships. Or in the language of experts - philophobia. Like any other fear, this feeling arises from a negative prediction of the development of events, sometimes completely unfounded.

Reasons for fear of love

Unsupported fears of an imaginary future betrayal, loss of freedom and personal space, dependence on a partner force a person to forbid himself to show tenderness and sincere feelings for the opposite sex. Of the two evils, loneliness seems to be the lesser. But is it? And is love evil? To come to the answers, it is worth understanding the reasons for this illogical, but, unfortunately, very common phenomenon.

The main causes of the development of a phobic disorder:

• Childhood. The first experience of relationships a person receives in his family. As a spectator, he gets acquainted with this concept by looking at his parents. Harmony between mom and dad lays the first postulate in a young head: it's nice to love. If the home atmosphere sparks with scandals, humiliation, physical violence, adultery, the child grows up with a distorted picture of the world. An incomplete family also leaves its mark: offended single mothers, with their position of the victim, instill in their daughters a phobia of love and distrust of men. In adult life, such people see the danger in creating a family.
• The first love. The flurry of emotions that overtook for the first time can be overwhelming. Feelings unknown before are remembered for a lifetime. And if the relationship ends, then there is a risk of spending a considerable part of your life, sorting through short affairs in search of "no less degree." Or does a painful breakup cause
• Overprotective parents. Having escaped from the tenacious parental embrace, a person carefully guards his borders and freedom. When a loving, caring soulmate appears in his life, his mother pops up in the subconscious with her irresistible “I think”. A psychologist-hypnologist encounters such unconscious projections in his practice. Nikita Valerievich Baturin. The client cannot explain his fear of love in any way. In the process of complete immersion, childhood memories of total control by parents emerge.
• The tendency to idealize a partner. When we are young, we tend to idealize our parents, movie stars, or favorite book characters. And we fantasize that our partner will be as flawless as the idol on the poster. However, returning from filming or touring, these idols also scatter their socks, burp loudly and forget to wish their mother-in-law a happy birthday. There are no ideal people, it is not worth wasting time searching or training a victim that does not yet meet the specified criteria.
• Low self-esteem. The fear of failing in intimacy, in a material matter, or not meeting your partner makes you break off relationships or not start them at all. Often this is also a greeting from childhood, when criticism, neglect and depreciation were part of education.
• Pragmatism and dryness. It is impossible to plan feelings in the same way as the development of relationships. Perfectionists do not stay in a couple because of the tendency to optimize and remake a partner. Endless nit-picking and excessive demands will negate even the strongest feelings.
• Sexual, physical or emotional abuse. Unexplored sad facts in the biography lead to the fact that any rapprochement causes fear of history repeating itself. A potential aggressor is seen in any person who shows interest. The fear of experiencing this horror again overpowers the prospect of a happy life.
• Negative experience of past relationships. After the pain inflicted, the betrayal experienced, the fear of love becomes a kind of guarantee that this will not happen again. But is it worth rowing everyone under the same brush?

Philophobia Symptoms

As it turned out, the nature of such a phobia as the fear of love is very multifaceted. And it can manifest itself in different ways.

It is worth being wary if, already at the initial stage, relationships are unconsciously destroyed and history repeats itself. Moreover, while the contact is not burdened with any obligations, the philophobe feels very comfortable. If events unfold in the direction of a strong serious relationship, there is a desire to “merge”. Such an escape can be covered up by a deliberate quarrel or outright betrayal. This self-deception allows you to amuse yourself with the fact that "it happened."

Sleep disturbances, increased irritability and nervousness, fear of losing freedom, irascibility and bad mood give reason to suspect a fear of love. Such people tend to enter into neurotic or codependent relationships. The goal is to validate your negative beliefs and maintain the uncomfortable state of being in a relationship. People revel in their state of being a victim, being sad, resentful, helpless, or humiliated.

A sense of injustice, intertwined with self-accusations, causes a complex of aggression characteristic of philophobes. They are given out: childlessness, personal degradation, domestic sadism, conscious obesity and disfigurement of one's appearance (starting with the rejection of cosmetics to tattoos, deliberate burns).

Philophobes tend to acquire an unpleasant appearance and show aggression towards those they like. Receiving signs of attention and manifestations of love from the objects of their sympathy, they repel them.

Treatment of the fear of love

This phobia causes a conflict between desire and fear of love. A person is eager to solve this problem, but does not even know what it is called.

• The first step in overcoming a problem is to identify the causes. The primary source of fear will indicate which way to move. Here it will be useful to work together with a psychologist.
• It is necessary to give yourself the right to make mistakes without setting too high expectations. Girls deprive themselves of the opportunity for happiness when they mentally live through all the stages of a relationship and come up with their unsuccessful outcome in advance. The guy is still buying flowers at the kiosk, but she has already fantasized about how nothing will work out for them, and did not come to the meeting. Learn to be in the moment.
• Work on self-esteem. This is both constant self-development to realize one's value and significance, and parallel study of childhood traumas with a specialist, for example, with a hypnologist-psychologist