Perhaps one of the most common and dangerous human misconceptions about a person is the belief that one cannot change oneself, one's personality. This belief rests on the conviction that there are qualities, abilities, tastes, habits and shortcomings assigned to us that are the essence of our personality and cannot be changed. Often heard “Well, I’m such a person (lazy, without certain abilities, necessary qualities, etc.) I can’t do it differently and there’s nothing to be done about it”. Many people think so and carry this belief all their lives.

So is it possible to change your personality? If yes, then how can you change yourself?

Can you change yourself?

Or, indeed, a person is something imperishable and unchanging, and all the metamorphoses that can occur in it are, so to speak, cosmetic and do not concern its essence. I am sure that you can change yourself and for the better: get rid of personal shortcomings, acquire and develop certain qualities, change your character ...

Everyone can, if he wants, be transformed beyond recognition: overcome "natural" cowardice and shyness, becoming a strong character and confident, moderate the tendency to anxiety and worries, gaining strong nerves and equanimity. Yesterday's timid and downtrodden young man can become a sociable and young man, simply by making some effort.

And it would be a mistake to believe that this young man has shyness and isolation in his blood and that he is "by nature" clamped and not adapted to communication. This mistake, this delusion is not harmless, from a practical point of view, in nature, such as the delusion that Singapore is the capital of Africa (of course, provided that you do not pass the final exams in geography at the institute, and if you fail, you will not waiting for a lot of unforgettable experiences in the vast expanses of our country as part of an army unit).

This false belief is much more dangerous than a harmless geographical one, because, believing that you cannot change yourself, you give up, you are afraid to make efforts to work on yourself and you live with your shortcomings that prevent you from living and poison the life of those around you. of people.

Why am I so sure that can you change yourself?

Firstly, the human species is naturally equipped with a strong adaptive potential, the ability to change, adjusting to the conditions of the surrounding reality. This makes a person flexible and makes it possible to change either under external influence or by controlling the conscious efforts of the will from within, commensurating this effort with the internal need to change the personality. (in the context of this resource, we are interested in the latter, namely the conscious control of how we will change and whether we will change at all. We ourselves want to decide what we become? Right?)

Secondly, there are many examples of how people have changed either for the worse or for the better. One such example is myself, the author of these lines. I managed to overcome internal resistance and become more self-confident, disciplined, organized and sociable.

This has manifested itself in an improvement in the quality of my life and the realization of significant life achievements. But before, I also considered laziness, a tendency to worries and depression, cowardice, shyness, the inability to control oneself and control one’s feelings, as inherently my enduring qualities and did not believe in the possibility of changing them.

It seemed to me that I am who I am and will remain so. Reality showed that I was wrong: I coped with depression and anxiety and panic attacks without any pills or treatment, my mathematical abilities improved (I used to think that I didn’t have them at all) even my musical tastes changed (not just changed, but greatly expanded) and much more, this list can be continued for a very long time.

The value of fighting yourself

So I will insist that the reader of these lines, instead of destroying himself by believing in the immutability of his personality, still takes and tries to work on himself and change. Even if he fails to become what he wants, his efforts will still be rewarded. Since the struggle and attempts to cope with the internal resistance that is sure to arise along the way, if you want to change yourself, always pays off!

Acting in spite of resistance, against your weaknesses and ingrained habits, you train your will and temper your character. The degree of control over your feelings increases and a sober understanding of what is happening inside you and what guides you comes!

And exactly the opposite. An individual who is used to seeing himself as a collection of unchanging characteristics, habits, shortcomings and pathologies always follows his character and weaknesses. It remains as it is.

His will is not tempered in the fight against feelings, he is controlled by his Ego, fears and complexes. Every day he capitulates to them: his will weakens, and the true essence begins to fade behind the abundance of shortcomings and habits.

Internal struggle and resistance and their value is the core of my system of self-development and self-improvement. The value of these things is not only of an instrumental nature (that is, not necessarily only a means to achieve a certain goal: the fight against complexes in order to defeat them), but they also carry great value in themselves. I will write more about this more than once.

Can personality change?

You must understand that your true identity is not a multitude of habits, fruits of upbringing and childhood traumas. All this is just tinsel and habits of the mind and senses!. This is acquisitive, i.e. appeared as you become and will also disappear as soon as you want to: after all, all this is not written in your genes. Personality is a dynamic, constantly changing concept, and not something predetermined forever!

Well, of course, there are some natural limitations, innate inclinations, etc. Something that you will not affect in any way, and I understand this very well. At the same time, I see a general need to exaggerate the number of those personality factors that supposedly cannot be influenced.

What is simply an acquired defect, manifested as a result of laziness and unwillingness to do something, is mistakenly perceived by many as a natural and once and for all determined personality trait! Perhaps this is just a psychological ploy designed to write off responsibility for one's character from a person.

This is the same blatant delusion as "congenital illiteracy"! (Well, think about how it can be innate? We are all born without knowing the language, our first words are the simplest syllables “MAMA”, “PAPA”) In fact, many properties of our being, which we fundamentally cannot influence due to natural, There are far fewer natural restrictions than we are all used to thinking.

And you yourself will be convinced of this when, as a result of your self-development, you experience many positive personal metamorphoses that will affect those of your qualities that you previously considered rooted in you forever.

My experience of personal metamorphoses

I myself managed to overcome many internal negative character traits that have bothered me since childhood and would continue to bother me and spoil my life (and I was a very weak and sickly child, and then a young man and had many shortcomings (and now I have them, but much less). It is a pity that I did not pay attention to them even then and did not start working on myself, having secured the confidence that I was able to cope with this.

And the practice only confirmed my confidence, giving me a valuable result both in terms of developing my inner potential, and in the context of improving the factors of external comfort and order (relationships with people, financial situation, life achievements, etc.), as a reflection of personality changes.

Usually those who say “I am such a person and will remain such” have never tried to do something with themselves and change for the better. Then how do they know that nothing can be done?

How to change yourself? This is a big question and almost all the materials of this site will be devoted to this. After all, self-development and self-improvement imply changes in oneself, and this is always the case. Therefore, this article is simply an attempt to break down a well-established misconception and call for action and may give hope to someone that you can change yourself. And you can find specific recommendations now and then as they are published on the pages of this site - the topic is very extensive.

Is it unnatural to change for the better?

Once I ran into such an objection. “They say, yes, you can change yourself, but why do it? Isn't this unnatural? You are who you are, why show violence against a person?
I asked counter questions: “Well, what do you think formed your personality, what factors influenced its formation? Why are you the way you are now? It must be due to upbringing, parents, social circle and some innate parameters (heredity, natural predispositions, etc.).

Basically, all these factors are random, those that you could not influence. After all, parents are not chosen and the social circle is also not always. Not to mention heredity and genes. So it turns out that the development of you as a person under the influence of external, arbitrary factors that do not depend much on your will, you consider natural.

And attempts to consciously influence your character and habits, based on an understanding of who you want to become and the formation of what qualities in you meets your goals - does this mean it is unnatural? To follow the lead of external circumstances, attributing everything to the mercy of chance ...

What is so right and natural in this? And why is conscious work on oneself, changing oneself for the better in order to achieve happiness and harmony, is this perceived as violence against oneself?

On the contrary, by determining the vector of self-development on your own, you bring the order into your life that you yourself desire and do not allow external circumstances to completely decide what you will be like. This brings you closer to the implementation of your life plan, to satisfaction with yourself, your life and your environment, which you yourself choose, and not content with what external circumstances have imposed on you.

As for the question “why change yourself?”. I answer it, perhaps, in most of my articles in an explicit and implicit form. I will answer again. Self-development is a dynamic process of continuous improvement of all the best human qualities.

The best and worst qualities of a person

By the best qualities, I mean those qualities of nature that correspond to considerations of personal comfort and happiness, harmonious relationships with people, success in life, overcoming difficulties, inner peace, order of thought, health, willpower and spiritual freedom.

Bad qualities are those that make us suffer, get angry, torn in internal contradictions, make our lives difficult and poison the lives of others, make us sickly, dependent on passions and desires, morally and physically weak.

Developing good qualities and freeing yourself from bad qualities, you strive for happiness and freedom, doing the opposite, you fly into the abyss of suffering and dependence. Self-development implies the first. When you develop the best properties of your nature, you change, as new abilities appear in you and old shortcomings disappear. This is the meaning of self-development in these positive personal metamorphoses.

That, in fact, is all, no tricky philosophy or relative morality, everything rests on your personal happiness and harmony, and not on some abstract ideas. This is what I want you to strive for and what this site is all about.

I have already said what a terrible mistake it is to believe in the impossibility of changing oneself. But even more dangerous thing is the lack of need to change something in yourself. Many believe that they are already the crowns of creation, the most worthy representatives of the human species, and they saw all sorts of sites of self-development in the coffin.

It really happens that a person is really very developed, but most often he falls into the trap of his pride and self-esteem, believing that he has nowhere to develop, because almost always there is an opportunity to move somewhere and improve something.

And besides, very often education and upbringing are not able to fully develop personal potential (and can even harm somewhere), leaving behind a lot of gaping gaps, undiscovered abilities, hidden anxieties and complexes within the structure of individuality.

Therefore, in almost all cases, it is necessary to make efforts in order to make something out of yourself: after all, few people are so lucky that their educators and parents were able to give the leap necessary for harmonious development and solve all the internal problems and contradictions that arise.

If you're wondering can you change yourself?, then you recognize the presence of such properties in yourself that need to be changed and do not consider yourself an ideal and a dead end of development and everything is not so scary, you are taking the first steps towards self-development, standing on the threshold of wonderful metamorphoses.

It remains only armed with the support that I will provide you with my advice and recommendations for self-improvement, with a song to move on this difficult but bright path.

Dear readers, today we will talk about whether it is possible to change a person's character for the better. You will learn how this can be achieved. You will become aware that an important place in this aspiration is the ability of self-control.

Action algorithm

1. An understanding of what traits need to be developed should come.
2. Engage in replacement. It will be difficult for a person to immediately get rid of something. First you need to try to minimize the manifestation of bad traits.
3. Find yourself a role model.
4. A person who seeks to change must have some kind of motive, and a strong enough one. For example, when the family collapses due to the rude behavior of a man.

What character to get

Before you learn how to change the character of a girl or guy, you need to clearly define what he wants to become, find out what you need to strive for.

1. Sometimes the desire to change is dictated by a subconscious desire to be like someone else. It is important to simply improve yourself, and not completely adapt to someone.
2. Before changing character, it is important to decide on the purpose of life, with your niche. If a person is in his place, doing what he loves, his character can eventually rebuild itself. That is, this process will be unconscious. You also need to understand that a person who works in an unloved place is constantly under stress, tension, and his character also begins to change, but in a bad way.
3. There must be discipline in life. A person must live with a clear schedule, plans for the future, know the goal, and strive to achieve it, then the character will adjust.
4. Devote time to self-development. A person cannot simply go on living, hoping that one day his behavior will become good. This always requires a special effort. If you are focused on results, you should know that at first it will be difficult, your hands may give up, you may experience failures, there will be a fear that nothing will come of it. However, it is necessary to overcome everything and strive for the best.
5. A man's character can often be influenced by bad habits, especially alcohol abuse. In such a situation, the main struggle will be directed against them.

How to change

1. Analyze your character traits. The first thing to do is to discover your shortcomings. To do this, you can use a piece of paper, draw it into two columns, write out your positive features in the first, and your shortcomings in the second. When the list is over, you will be able to assess the whole situation from the outside, see the "enemy" in the face. Next, you will need to find out what methods you can use to counter your shortcomings.
2. Books can have a great influence on a person's character. Therefore, very correct literature. If you are aware of your problems, you can turn to special literature related to questions in psychology or to books that reveal the fate of people with a complex character.
3. It is very important to learn how to control yourself, to restrain emotions. Perhaps you have noticed that some of your words cause pain to other people, and it is no longer possible to return them back. That is why it is so important to learn to be silent in moments of anger.
4. In your desire to change your character, you can turn to relatives and close friends for help. They, for sure, will themselves be interested in saving you from shortcomings.
5. A person can try to train his willpower. You can create artificial situations, on the examples of which you can learn how to get out of them correctly, pull yourself together, and not get angry.

Re-education through self-control

A person can change his character, learn to control himself. What needs to be done for this?

1. Know how to switch attention. As soon as temptation appears, you must immediately start thinking about something else.
2. No need to act on a whim, act spontaneously. All decisions must be weighed and considered.
3. It is important to train the general model of behavior. A person must find out in what areas he will have to work on himself. You must understand that you can influence your character traits, but you cannot change what depends on the interaction of two or more people. For example, becoming an excellent husband will not work without the participation of the woman you love.
4. It is important to be able to conduct introspection, determine your needs and desires, goals in life. After introspection, think about what kind of people are around. If in one of them you see traits that you yourself would like to possess, you are more often in the company of these people.
5. You also need to work on your complexes and fears, learn to make independent decisions.

1. If a person realizes that he himself is not able to change, then you can turn to a psychologist who will give valuable advice, explain what exactly is wrong and how to deal with it.
2. The realization must come that a bad character, first of all, spoils life. By changing, you will facilitate it, improve relationships with loved ones.
3. Bring out the best in your friends and family. Realize that at first glance it seems rude, interference, in fact, a manifestation of care.
4. Always program yourself for positive thoughts, think about how good you look, how beautiful the world is.
5. Arrange your personal life, sometimes love can change people.
6. Engage in creating the right daily routine, take time for sports and your favorite thing.
7. Start doing good deeds, like going shopping for a neighbor who is no longer able to go out.
8. Stop lying, everything secret will still come out. From this, the attitude of people towards you will deteriorate significantly.
9. Learn to own your emotions, control them.
10. When changing your habits, do not forget about your appearance.
11. You need to learn, if necessary, to compromise, to yield to your loved ones.
12. A person must understand that sometimes the reason is not in a bad character, but in developed complexes.
13. You need to learn to prioritize your strengths and try to hide your weaknesses.

With an already set set of parameters: someone from childhood manifests himself as an assertive and sociable extrovert, the other prefers loneliness and a calm atmosphere; one is industrious and over-responsible, while his comrade is eccentric and disorganized; someone is drawn to the humanitarian environment, give someone the latest technology. And we did not touch on the topic of temperament, intelligence and other interesting things. Perhaps that is why the idea is so popular among the people that the character of a person is difficult to change. But is it really so?

3. Love relationship

Of course, at the very beginning you can wear a mask. However, the presence of true sympathy fundamentally changes the matter. For the sake of a loved one, we are able to overcome our weaknesses, give up bad habits and set big goals. We are ready to make adjustments to our worldview, adopt new views, even of a destructive kind. Someone pulls us to the bottom, someone reveals the potential to the maximum - it all depends on the nature of the relationship. Conflicts in a couple also make their own adjustments.

4. The need to care for someone

When we get a pet, we also adapt to its needs. Someone who is completely dependent on us appears, which makes a person even more responsible, attentive and conscious. What can we say about the birth of children, caring for sick parents and other factors, where there is a motivation to be more sensitive, noble, strong, independent, to abandon the self-centered picture of the world and to know the taste of altruism.

5. Conscious work on yourself

Psychologists have proven the fact that in three months of conscious self-correction we are able to instill a new habit or abandon a destructive old one. The main thing in this business is consistency, tight control and an inspiring role model. , switch to a healthy diet, read more books, sign up for a karate class, give up swearing, travel - all these are skills that we can develop on our own. The main thing is to want.

If you think that the character you have is your flaw, then you can certainly try to change it. You will be able to do this only if you really put in a lot of effort, because character is formed over the years, from early childhood. It is possible that at best, you will only learn to hide some of the unsightly sides of your character, but there are situations when this is enough. Start taking action, and then you will definitely achieve positive results.

Change bad habits to good ones

Undoubtedly, you understand that habits have a significant impact on our lives. If you want to acquire good habits, then the first time, for sure, you have to stimulate yourself. How to do it? For example, you are determined to go for a run tomorrow morning. In this case, in the evening, prepare clothes for running, a backpack. It is important to do this in advance, when you are still full of motivation to act. Having things prepared in the morning will greatly increase your chances of actually exercising.

In some cases, in order to get rid of bad habits, it is necessary to permanently or at least temporarily change the environment that promotes these habits. The negative experience that you get from communicating with "inappropriate" people later becomes a bad habit. For example, if you notice that you most often drink or smoke in the company of a certain person, then your meetings should be drastically reduced. You can also learn good things in a good environment - sign up for any sports section, an interesting master class, and so on.

Try to limit access to bad habits. For example, if you spend a lot of time watching TV, then remove the batteries from the remote control in advance, placing them at a considerable distance from you. Do you want to quit smoking? Periodically get rid of all cigarettes, matches, lighters in the house. Subsequently, in order to do what you would like to wean yourself from, you have to make extra efforts. In the mentioned cases, constantly get up to change the channel or get dressed and go to the store.

Make the character tougher

Do you think that you are a rather weak person? In that case, you can make your character stronger by following some simple guidelines. First of all, however difficult it may be, it is necessary to reject all advice that does not correspond to what you have already internally decided for yourself. Each person is guided by their own interests, and, at times, this happens unconsciously. That is why you should not force anyone to do as you wish, however, do not allow others to impose their opinions on you. Find the right path for yourself and follow it.

It is also very important to learn how to manage your own emotions, to suppress them in yourself if necessary. Your daily actions and decisions should depend only on common sense, and not be made under the influence of emotions. Often, sticking to this position is not easy, but if you put in the effort, you will succeed. If a situation has happened that causes a flurry of emotions in you, find an opportunity to interrupt the conversation, shut up, mentally count to ten, and only then continue the dialogue. If possible, exit the situation without words at all, giving yourself time to think about it.

There is an opinion that thoughts are material. That is, the way you imagine the development of this or that situation, it will be so with a high degree of probability. For example, if an upcoming meeting causes fear in you, in your thoughts you scroll through its possible negative aspects, then most likely this will happen - you give yourself such a psychological attitude. Meanwhile, if you make an effort to relax and calm down as much as possible, think about the positive aspects of the meeting, then everything will probably turn out quite well. Also accustom yourself to the fact that in any, even seemingly most unpleasant situation, there should be at least one plus - if trouble happened to you, look for a positive side in this, it certainly is, and always do this in such cases.

Become a self-confident and goal-oriented person

So what is self-confidence? First of all, of course, it is a strong belief in yourself. To achieve it, you must completely abandon the habit of comparing yourself with anyone, and realize that you are a unique person, which is no longer on Earth. If you constantly compare yourself with someone, you will always be a loser, because you will invariably find those who, according to some criteria, will seem better to you.

Also stop constantly criticizing yourself - it's hard to be a confident person if you have a negative perception of yourself.

Just as important, don't focus on what's left in the past. No need to waste your time and energy thinking about what is no longer in your life. Do you understand that this makes no sense? Such thoughts only distract you from the present and the future.

If you think that you lack a sense of purpose, then at the moment when you need to do something, visualize the result. Imagine what will happen when you do the necessary work - you will receive some kind of payment for this and so on.

When doing any business, do not be distracted by extraneous activities, even if it is very difficult for you. Force yourself to finish the work you started by promising yourself some kind of reward after completing the task - it can be some kind of goodies or a larger purchase. Imagine how relieved you will feel when the job is finally done.

Improve character traits for the sake of a loved one

Often we think about how to change our character precisely because of loved ones. Of course, when we understand that some of our features bring frustration and grief to a dear person, most of us want to fix it. If you understand that some trait of your character spoils your relationship with someone close, and at the same time you realize that this is a problem for you personally, then, of course, it makes sense to think about how to get rid of disadvantage. We can talk about excessive touchiness, irascibility, jealousy, and so on. If you notice something similar behind you, then try to control it.

What is temperament and how does it differ from character

Before understanding the difference between character and temperament, let's define these two concepts.

Temperament- a set of a number of properties of the human psyche that affect its activities and behavioral habits. The nervous system is responsible for temperament, and its sensitivity affects events, memory, and the pace of human activity.

Character- a certain set of human qualities that are manifested in interaction with the outside world. Like temperament, it has a connection with the psyche, but is not given from birth, but is formed under the influence of various factors. The character is influenced by the social environment, upbringing, environment, and so on.

It is worth noting that temperaments can be divided into certain types: sanguine, melancholic, choleric, phlegmatic. Often people have a mixed type of temperament, but still try to consider them separately.

• Choleric- the most unbalanced of all types. Easily excitable, quick-tempered. However, it can perform well in emergency situations where speed of reaction is required.
• sanguine- easy to communicate, friendly, quick response. If there is interest, it is efficient; if it is not, it is lazy.
• melancholic- characterized by increased anxiety. At the same time, he is very thoughtful, often erudite. Impressive.
• Phlegmatic person- the most calm type. Outwardly, he is not prone to the manifestation of emotions, he is distinguished by equanimity. Work can be done slowly, but diligently.

Is it possible to change temperament and how to do it

Psychologists tend to believe that temperament is given to us at birth, and it is impossible to completely change it, unlike character. And yet, we note that some features can still be developed or slightly corrected. For example, if you are a choleric and want to become more balanced, then learn to keep your emotions under control. The most popular advice in this case: at the moment when you feel that you are "on the verge", count to yourself from one to ten. In general, in order to change one or another trait of temperament in yourself, you need to go through certain exercises, choosing those that you consider necessary for yourself.

Become a different person in 1 day - is it real

Unfortunately, it is unrealistic to become a completely different person overnight. The maximum that you can do during this period is to radically change your image, and look different, and not the way others are used to seeing you. Well, in this case, it is important to understand that, most likely, the changes will be very superficial, because in order, for example, to change the features of the figure, it will take some time. However, you can also do a lot in a day - at least one very important thing that will set the vector for big changes. In a day, you can outline an action plan, realize how you want to see yourself, for example, in a month or two. Describe this person on a piece of paper. After that, write what you need to do every day to achieve this result.

To summarize: only superficial internal and external changes are possible in a day. For serious changes, a certain amount of time is needed, the duration of which depends specifically on your ultimate goal. Also, in a day, you can fully think over an action plan that will help you achieve what you want.

It is impossible to improve one's character, and thus the quality of life, without self-control. So, what are the methods for its development?

Don't give in to impulses

It is very important to recognize impulsive thoughts. You can develop self-control if you develop strategies for yourself that will help you resist temptation in moments of momentum. Make a list of habits that you would like to control, as well as situations that provoke these habits in you. By being able to identify the moments at which you give in to impulse, you will learn to create a barrier between desire and subsequent action.

switch attention

If you decide to stop smoking, calling your ex-girlfriend, or doing anything else that doesn't improve your life in the least, then self-control is just what is needed in such situations. First, if the desire to do some detrimental act appears, then directly admit it to yourself. Realizing that there is a problem, proceed to solve it - in this case, you should immediately "switch" yourself to something else. You can call a friend, start writing a letter to a relative, cook dinner, go to the cinema. Consciously force yourself to take on other things, but resist temptation.

Form a common behavior model

Decide on a behavior pattern that you would like to keep under control. We all have areas of life that require more self-control. Make a list of such areas, and mark at least a few that you have to work on. Remember that changing habits will take a certain amount of time, you have to make some efforts. That is why it is important to set realistic goals.

It is important to understand that you can only control your behavior. For example, you should not set such a goal: “Be on good terms with your wife”, because such an item still requires some participation from the spouse. Form the goal differently, for example: "Be more tolerant of your wife."

Do not take on many tasks at once - first try to succeed at least in some of them, and only then move on to the next.

Bad character, if desired, can be corrected

With the right degree of diligence, of course, you can change certain traits of your bad character, but it is worth realizing that this is not done in a day or two - it will take long practice. It is also important to understand what kind of character you want to have in the end - if you do not think about it, then it will be foolish to wait for significant changes. Spend a couple of hours imagining (you can on paper) what kind of character you need, and only then it will be possible to outline a further plan of action.

Of course, if you want to make changes in your character, but do not begin to do something about it, then the whole plan is doomed to failure. Devote some time to self-development. At first, you will probably feel insecure and fearful, but overpower yourself and continue your plan - this is the only way you can achieve success.

Human psychology: is it possible to change character in 30 years

Perhaps it is difficult to argue with the fact that a person can become better at any age. Of course, if he really wants it! If by the age of thirty you have come to the conclusion that certain traits of your character make you uncomfortable and affect your life in a bad way, then you can very well correct the situation!

To change your personality you need to work on yourself

Change in any personality involves a lot of inner work, but it's definitely worth it. As you work on yourself, try to imagine yourself as a gardener taking care of your garden. When he wants flowers to fragrant on his land, he gets rid of the weeds. In our case, flowers are inner strength, and weeds are weak thoughts that undermine our strength.

This means that in the first place you should get rid of excessive emotionality - emotions should be given only their true significance. Noticing that you are tormented by some obsessive and unpleasant emotion, immediately “switch” yourself to something else - be distracted for half an hour or an hour. Over time, you will learn to deal with such weaknesses.

Also remember that honesty in everything is the backing of a strong character, so be a man of your word and try not to lie to yourself or anyone else.

Find a role model or just be yourself

If it is still difficult for you to decide what exactly you want to achieve, what kind of person you would like to be, then you can find an example to follow. We have already mentioned that you should not compare yourself with anyone, but in this case, you should still find some kind of benchmark for yourself. For example, think about which of the acquaintances you admire or respect, and what traits of his character contributed to this. After that, think about how this person manages to be just that, and how you yourself could come to this. If over time you realize that you are unable to adopt the necessary character trait, find the positive aspects of your own personality, and try to strengthen them.

Self-analysis is a step towards a new self

It may be difficult for you to fully determine your desires and talents and desires. In this situation, detailed introspection can help you. In general, almost all psychological tests are based precisely on introspection - according to the answer options, you can get a rough idea about a person. However, you can do without tests or psychologists, and independently analyze your personality.

It would be nice to fill out a diary, which would be regularly filled with new events from everyday life, as well as an analysis of your actions. Of course, you should write frankly, thinking that only this will help you understand the essence of your actions, open your inner world, realize the true motivation for some actions. If you have never kept a diary before and it is not easy for you to start doing it, then try to write a detailed biography about yourself - try to remember your most serious shocks and important events, starting from childhood. Try to "live" these events again - for sure, you will be able to notice something in yourself that you did not pay attention to before.

When conducting introspection, think carefully about exactly what kind of people are in your environment - this is your “mirror”. Reflect on why you enjoy spending time with certain people, what you find most attractive about them. So you will understand what your needs they “cover”, and, accordingly, what needs you have in general.

If in some people from your environment you see qualities that you yourself would like to possess, visit their society more often, and you yourself will not notice how you begin to adopt their features. In general, the same can be said about people who you do not like - if you are forced to constantly contact them, then later you yourself can unwittingly become like them.

Down with complexes and fears

Develop the habit of acting in spite of fear. Realize that fear is simply a common reaction that occurs when you try to take steps that are unusual for you.

Also learn to make decisions, because they are what make us fight fear, and still get down to business. Seriously setting yourself up for something, you will feel how your fear weakens, because it can only be where there is uncertainty. Give yourself an inner mindset: "Despite the fact that I'm afraid, I choose to do it."

Of course, indecision and fears are big obstacles on the way to success. Try not to allow any prejudices in your life that are based only on someone's superficial observations. Be guided only by those facts that are based only on common sense. Only by overcoming your fear, you will be able to gain strength of character, allowing you to quickly, confidently and independently make the right decisions.