Unfortunately, people do not always manage to peacefully resolve all disputes and misunderstandings. Very often, completely out of nowhere, interpersonal conflict arises. What is the reason and why is this happening? What are the ways to resolve interpersonal conflicts? Is it possible to avoid them and live your whole life without conflict with anyone?

What is conflict?

Conflict is one of the ways to resolve problems and contradictions that arise as a result of interaction between individuals or groups of people. At the same time, it is accompanied by negative emotions and behavior that goes beyond the norms accepted in society.

During the conflict, each of the parties takes and defends the opposite position in relation to each other. None of the opponents wants to understand and accept the opinion of the opponent. The conflicting parties can be not only individuals, but also social groups and states.

Interpersonal conflict and its features

If the interests and goals of two or more people in a particular case diverge, and each side tries to resolve the dispute in its favor, an interpersonal conflict arises. An example of such a situation is a quarrel between a husband and wife, a child and a parent, a subordinate and a boss. This one is the most common and most frequently occurring.

Interpersonal conflict can occur both between well-known and constantly communicating people, and between those who see each other for the first time. At the same time, the relations are clarified by opponents face to face, through a personal dispute or discussion.

Stages of interpersonal conflict

The conflict is not just a dispute between two participants, arising spontaneously and unexpectedly. It is a process consisting of several stages, gradually developing and gaining momentum. The causes of interpersonal conflicts can sometimes accumulate for quite a long time before they result in open confrontation.

At the first stage, the conflict is hidden. At this time, conflicting interests and views are only brewing and forming. At the same time, both parties to the conflict believe that their problem can be solved through negotiations and discussions.

At the second stage of the conflict, the parties realize that it will not be possible to overcome their contradictions by peaceful means. There is a so-called tension, which increases and gains power.

The third stage is characterized by the beginning of active actions: disputes, threats, insults, the spread of negative information about the enemy, the search for allies and like-minded people. At the same time, mutual hostility, hatred, and anger accumulate between the participants.

The fourth stage is the process of resolving interpersonal conflicts. It can end with the reconciliation of the parties or a break in relations.

Types of interpersonal conflicts

There are many classifications of interpersonal conflicts. They are divided according to the severity, duration of the course, scale, form of manifestation, and expected consequences. Most often, the types of interpersonal conflicts differ in the reasons for their occurrence.

The most common is the conflict of interest. It occurs when people have opposite plans, goals, intentions. An example is the following situation: two friends cannot agree on how to spend their time. The first wants to go to the cinema, the second just wants to take a walk. If neither of them wants to make concessions to the other, and an agreement fails, a conflict of interest may arise.

The second type is value conflicts. They can arise in cases where the participants have different moral, worldview, religious ideas. A striking example of this type of confrontation is the conflict of generations.

Role conflicts are the third type of interpersonal confrontations. In this case, the cause is violations of the usual norms of behavior and rules. Such conflicts can occur, for example, in an organization when a new employee refuses to accept the rules established by the team.

Causes of interpersonal conflicts

Among the reasons that provoke conflicts, in the first place is This can be, for example, one TV or computer for the whole family, a certain amount of money for bonuses that needs to be divided among all employees of the department. In this case, one person can only achieve his goal by infringing on the other.

The second reason for the development of conflicts is interdependence. It can be a connection of tasks, powers, responsibilities and other resources. So, in an organization, project participants may begin to blame each other if, for some reason, it was not possible to implement it.

Conflicts can be provoked by differences in goals, in views, in ideas about certain things, in the manner of behavior and communication. In addition, the cause of confrontations can be the personal characteristics of a person.

Interpersonal conflicts in the organization

Almost all people spend most of their time at work. In the course of performing duties, disputes and contradictions often arise between employees. Conflicts in interpersonal relationships that occur in organizations very often hinder the company's activities and worsen the overall result.

Conflicts in organizations can occur both between employees holding the same position, and between subordinates and superiors. The reasons for the occurrence of conflicts can be different. This is the shifting of responsibilities to each other, and the feeling of unfair treatment of management, and the dependence of the result of employees on each other.

Not only disagreements over working moments, but also problems in communication between colleagues can provoke a conflict in an organization. Most often, the confrontation can be eliminated by employees on their own through negotiations. Sometimes the management of interpersonal conflicts is taken over by the head of the organization, he finds out the causes and tries to resolve the problems that have arisen. It happens that the case may end with the dismissal of one of the conflicting parties.

Interpersonal conflicts of spouses

Family life involves the constant solution of all kinds of everyday problems. Very often, spouses cannot find agreement on certain issues, resulting in interpersonal conflict. An example of this: the husband returned from work too late, the wife did not have time to cook dinner, the husband scattered dirty socks around the apartment.

Material problems significantly aggravate conflicts. Many domestic quarrels could be avoided if each family had enough funds. The husband does not want to help his wife wash the dishes - we will buy a dishwasher, there is a dispute over which channel we will watch - it does not matter, we will take another TV. Unfortunately, not everyone can afford this.

Each family chooses its own strategy for resolving interpersonal conflicts. Someone quickly concedes and goes to reconciliation, some can live for a long time in a state of quarrel and not talk to each other. It is very important that discontent does not accumulate, the spouses find a compromise, and all problems are resolved as quickly as possible.

Interpersonal conflicts of people of different generations

The conflict of "fathers and sons" can be considered in a broad and narrow sense. In the first case, it occurs within a single family, while in the second it is projected onto the whole society as a whole. This problem has existed at all times, it is not new for our century either.

The conflict of generations occurs because of the difference in views, worldview, norms and values ​​of young people and people of more mature age. However, this difference need not provoke conflict. The reason for the struggle of generations is the unwillingness to understand and respect the interests of each other.

The main features of interpersonal conflicts of generations are that they are much longer in nature and do not develop in certain stages. They can periodically subside and flare up again with renewed vigor in the event of a sharp infringement of the interests of the parties.

In order for your family not to be affected by generational conflict, you must constantly show respect and patience with each other. Old people should often remember that they were once young and did not want to listen to advice, and young people should not forget that in many years they will also become old.

Is it possible to live your whole life without conflict with anyone?

Few people like the constant swearing and quarrels. Many people would dream of living without ever having conflict with anyone. However, this is not possible in our society at the moment.

From early childhood, a person is in conflict with others. For example, the kids did not share toys, the child does not obey his parents. In adolescence, generational conflict often comes first.

Throughout our lives, we have to periodically defend our interests, prove our case. At the same time, conflicts cannot be avoided. We can only reduce the number of conflicts to a minimum, try not to succumb to provocations and avoid quarrels without good reasons.

Rules of conduct in a conflict situation

When a conflict arises, both participants want to resolve it as soon as possible, while achieving their goals and getting what they want. How should one behave in this situation in order to get out of it with dignity?

First you need to learn to separate the attitude towards the person with whom there was a disagreement, from the very problem that needs to be solved. Do not start insulting your opponent, get personal, try to behave with restraint and calmness. Argument all your arguments, try to put yourself in the place of the enemy and invite him to take your place.

If you notice that you are starting to lose your temper, invite your interlocutor to take a break to calm down and cool down a bit, and then continue to sort things out. To solve the problem as soon as possible, you need to see a specific goal and focus on ways to achieve it. It is important to remember that in any conflict situation, it is necessary first of all to maintain relations with the opponent.

Ways to get out of a conflict situation

The most successful way out is to find a compromise by the warring parties. In this case, the parties make a decision that suits all parties to the dispute. There are no reticences and misunderstandings between the conflicting parties.

However, not in all cases it is possible to reach a compromise. Very often the outcome of the conflict is coercion. This version of the outcome of the conflict is most typical if one of the participants occupies a dominant position. For example, a leader forces a subordinate to do as he pleases, or a parent tells his child to do as he sees fit.

In order to prevent the conflict from gaining strength, you can try to smooth it out. In this case, the person who is accused of something agrees with the reproaches and claims, tries to explain the reason for his actions and deeds. The use of this method of getting out of the dispute does not mean that the essence of the conflict is understood, and mistakes are recognized. Just at the moment the accused does not want to enter into a conflict.

Admitting your mistakes and repenting for what you have done is another way to resolve interpersonal conflict. An example of such a situation: the child regrets that he did not prepare the lessons and received a deuce, and promises his parents to continue to do homework.

How to prevent interpersonal conflicts

Each person should always remember that absolutely any dispute is better to prevent than to deal with its consequences later and repair damaged relationships. What is the prevention of interpersonal conflicts?

First you need to limit your communication with the potential to the maximum. These can be arrogant, aggressive, secretive personalities. If it is not possible to completely stop communicating with such people, try to ignore their provocations and always remain calm.

To prevent conflict situations, you need to learn how to negotiate with the interlocutor, try to find an approach to any person, respect your opponent and clearly formulate your positions.

In what situations should you not fight?

Before entering into a conflict, you need to think carefully about whether you really need it. Very often people begin to sort things out in cases where it does not make sense at all.

If your interests are not directly affected, and during the dispute you will not achieve your goals, most likely it makes no sense to enter into an interpersonal conflict. An example of a similar situation: on the bus, the conductor starts arguing with the passenger. Even if you support the position of one of the disputants, you should not get involved in their conflict without a good reason.

If you see that the level of your opponent is radically different from yours, there is no point in entering into an argument and discussion with such people. You will never prove to a stupid person that you are right.

Before getting involved in a conflict, you need to evaluate all the pros and cons, think about what consequences it can lead to, how your relationship with your opponent will change, and whether you want it, how likely it is that during the dispute you will be able to achieve your goals. Also, great attention should be paid to your emotions at the time of the threat of a quarrel. Perhaps you should use the tactics of avoiding the conflict, cool down a little and think carefully about the current situation.

Before talking about conflict resolution, it is important to understand what conflict is.

At the level of sensations, we understand that conflict is something unpleasant, emotionally exhausting, and most importantly, it is something that is not always controlled by us. It's very much like a tug of war - both sides expend an incredible amount of energy, but never really move forward, over and over again, proving their position and mutually blocking forward movement. In interpersonal relationships, the same thing - people defend their positions, and everyone pulls in their own direction, in opposite directions, but they still cannot achieve something significant and definite.

From a psychological point of view, conflict is a struggle between two opposites, conscious or unconscious. Each person has his own perception of everything that happens around us, and accordingly, we make all conclusions and assumptions based on our picture of the world. For some of us, an “amazing vacation” can be the sea, sand and sun, but for some it’s frost, snow and skates. Thus, even in a conflict, we reason based on our worldview, and focusing precisely on our thoughts, feelings and sensations. Therefore, the resolution and overcoming of the conflict is possible precisely in the case when you were able to try on different pictures of the world of the participants in a particular conflict.

To understand how to do this most correctly, it is important to understand that the conflict can be observed at different logical levels:

Personalities We often have to play multiple roles. These can be social roles, roles invented by us, who we see ourselves as, or would like to see in certain life situations. These roles can be opposite in ourselves - on the one hand, a responsible neighbor, with a heightened sense of order, on the other hand, an absolutely irresponsible girl who is always late for a meeting of the residents of the entrance. It is important to track and understand what kind of role we conflict in a given situation.

Values ​​and Beliefs - sometimes we have to take into account, as a necessary measure, precisely those beliefs that do not agree and do not fit into our value system. On the one hand, we want to improve living conditions, but on the other hand, we believe that it is too expensive and impossible to implement. Each of us has opposing values ​​and beliefs, and our psyche has completely learned to adapt flexibly, providing a conditionally comfortable existence, but the most dangerous thing is when there is a clash of values ​​and beliefs of people involved in the conflict.

Abilities and skills - perhaps you have a lot of amazing abilities and skills, but you can not find a way to apply them in a way that would suit the two conflicting parties. Maybe you are an excellent organizer and manager, but at the same time, you are a subtle psychologist, and you are trying to find the keys of interaction in order to get through to your opponent. On the other hand, it is you, the subtle psychologist, who can lose his temper by raising his voice.

behavior - conflict at the level of behavior, says that the behavior does not help achieve the goals. For example, you agree with your interlocutor about what needs to be done to improve the situation. But instead of doing something, the person does nothing. Or does it do exactly what is contrary to what you agreed on.

environments - the conflict at the level of the environment speaks of a clash of participants, when people cannot agree on where to spend their time or with whom to communicate. When, on the one hand, people want something specific, but on the other hand, they want to stop running everything and stop deciding anything at all. When people cannot solve two problems at the same time, but people are not able to give up their desires either.

Therefore, as soon as you hear that the conflict cannot be resolved, it means only one thing - that no solution is to your liking and is not suitable. Complete harmony in relations can be achieved precisely when the levels of the conflicting parties are agreed upon. Conflict can be resolved through brainstorming. When asking questions to yourself, and to the person with whom you are in conflict, the questions should be exactly how to find new ways to resolve this conflict, based on different role positions, in order to achieve the goal and reconcile logical levels.

When you are in a state of conflict with another person, to overcome it, you can perform a certain exercise that allows you to create a qualitatively different perception of the conflict situation and transfer relations to a more harmonized channel.

So, initially we have three positions:

• 1 position is “I myself!”, “I know! I understand! I decided. I feel!".
• 2 position - when we take the opponent's place and try to analyze his feelings, thoughts, behavior in the context of the situation.
• 3rd position - this is an unemotional and non-judgmental perception of this conflict, a view from the outside.

People who spend most of their time in the 1st position are more characterized by a rigid upholding of their own position, individualism, and difficulties in understanding the views of other people. People with a more pronounced 2nd position are prone to empathy, empathy for other people. They often experience other people's troubles deeper than their own. People who easily move into position 3 see all the patterns of ongoing events, but often remain impartial observers even of their own lives.

Given the above logical levels of conflict, the exercise begins like this:

1. Stand physically in your place, for example, sit on the left chair, and describe what you think, feel in the situation of the current conflict. Ask yourself what level your emotional reaction is related to, for example, the level of behavior - when you, or your opponent, do something wrong, based on your position?
2. Change the location to the opposite side, for example, we sit on the right chair, and now we are talking on the basis of the conflicting opposing side, as we see the situation from his attitude and perception. What is actually his positive intention - what good is the opponent trying to bring to this situation by behaving in this way in the conflict.
3. Stand in the third position, physically step aside, and look, unemotionally and without judgment, at everything that happens from the side. What exactly does one person mean and what does another mean, what is their common goal, and what is the difference between their values ​​and beliefs. It is important to try to understand and reconcile the opposing sides on an emotional level.
4. Think about what resources each side can use and provide to resolve the conflict from position 3.
5. Always remember the common goal and the need to achieve a mutually beneficial result.

Most importantly, use your imagination, think creatively about problems, and come up with new ways to resolve your conflict situations.

Interesting fact! Developing the ideas of Eric Bern, Stefan Karpman in 1968 showed that the whole variety of roles underlying the "Games that people play" can be reduced to three main ones - the Rescuer, the Persecutor and the Victim. The triangle in which these roles are combined symbolizes their connection, constant change.

“The three dramatic roles of this game - Rescuer, Persecutor and Victim - are actually melodramatic simplifications of real life. We see ourselves as the generous Rescuers of the grateful or ungrateful Sacrifice, the righteous Persecutors of the wicked, and the Victims of the cruel Persecutors. As we plunge into any of these roles, we begin to ignore reality, like actors on a stage who know they are living a fictional life but must pretend to believe it is real in order to create a good performance. At the same time, we never stay in one role for a long time. ”

The Karpman Drama Triangle is a model that can be used to describe many problematic and conflicting relationships. Persecutor - Victim - Rescuer.

Communication within this triangle is a very effective way not to take responsibility for your actions and decisions, as well as to receive strong emotions and the right not to solve your problems as a reward (since others are to blame for this).

Pursuer believes that the Victim is to blame for everything, about which he reports, either to herself or to the Rescuer.

Victim believes that the Persecutor is to blame, and this allows her to grieve about her own fate, and look for someone who would save her in order to turn into the Persecutor for a while.

Rescuer he is looking for someone to save, transferring from the state of the Victim to the state of the Persecutor. Why does he need it - a little lower.

But this is only one of the views on it. In another way, it can be described as follows: any communication, any relationship forms a certain system in which each of the participants plays a very specific role. And if there is a certain game, certain relations, they are beneficial to all participants in the system. Otherwise, everything would just fall apart. If you are involved in something, you need it for some reason. Here the Triangle can in many cases determine why you need these conflicting and problematic relationships.

"He's ruining my life!" There is not even a question of how exactly it spoils. There is a question, why do you need such behavior of your partner? What do you get from this? After all, the family is a fairly closed system. And those games that family members play and in a certain sense are beneficial to all of them. And that means you, too. So what's your benefit? Here is the Karpman Triangle very often and gives an idea of ​​what benefits can be obtained from such a situation. And how is this relationship organized? Many habitually play one role more often than others, it is more familiar, he is more accustomed to it and knows more nuances and ways to get his pleasures. At the same time, we can say that the Triangle is a substitution. Substitution of some experiences similar, but not the same.

What to do?

outside the triangle. First of all, the way not to enter the "triangular relationship" is the distribution of responsibility. Each person is individual, each has his own idea of ​​the world and his own identity. We may like it or not, but every person has the right to be what he wants. And it is his right to have those problems or those opportunities that he has, and his right to change it or not. And in my experience, it turns out that if you try to "save" a person against his will, it usually ends quite badly. If a person does not take responsibility for his change, there is no change, but something completely obscene.

Conflict is the most common problem in human relationships. First of all, decide for yourself what the conflict gives you, what it gives both good and bad. Try to take the place of your unlucky neighbor, and try to understand what he really means by insisting so categorically on his own. And most importantly - evaluate what is behind this conflict - a violation of your self-esteem, or a really sincere desire to get a common result that everyone needs.

Sincerely, Anna Sukhova, psychologist, NLP specialist, coach

© A. Sukhova, 2014
© Published with the kind permission of the author

Conflicts are integral part of human life.

The ability to behave competently in adverse circumstances is the key to peace and self-confidence.

For this reason, it is useful for any person to study examples of what conflict situations can be and how to resolve them.

How to avoid conflict between teacher and student? Learn about it from ours.

The concept and psychology of conflictology

- what it is? In short, this is clash of interests, opinions and views.

As a result of the conflict, a crisis situation arises in which each participant in the conflict seeks to impose his point of view on the other side.

An unstoppable conflict can lead to open confrontation, in which the subject of the dispute is relegated to the background and the ambitions of the parties come to the fore.

As a rule, as a result of the conflict, there are no losers and winners, since all participants expend their energy and, as a result, do not receive positive emotions.

special danger represent internal conflicts, when a person is tormented by conflicting thoughts and desires that tear him apart. Protracted states of internal conflicts often end in depression and neuroses.

A modern person needs to be able to recognize the emerging conflict in time, take competent steps to prevent the growth of the conflict and eliminate it at the stage of inception.

If, nevertheless, the conflict cannot be immediately extinguished, it is necessary to be able to build a correct and handle conflict well with minimal losses.

How does it arise?

As a result of numerous studies, it was determined that most conflicts arise without the corresponding intentions of their participants.

Often people involuntarily react to the conflictogens of other people, or they themselves are a source of conflictogens, as a result of which a stressful situation arises.

conflictogens- words, actions, deeds leading to conflict. They arise when the participants have any psychological problems, or are used purposefully to achieve their goals.

Most conflictogens manifest themselves for the following reasons:

• thirst for superiority. The desire to prove their worth;
• aggressiveness. Initially aggressive behavior towards other people, caused by a negative emotional state;
• selfishness. Striving to achieve your goals at any cost.

How do conflicts arise? True causes and solutions:

Popular methods of resolving the situation

The most effective strategies that are most often used in practice for conflict management are:

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Resolution Methods

From a scientific point of view, there are specific methods for resolving conflict:

Structural

Most often used in the professional field. These include:

constructive

How to resist aggression and successfully resolve the conflict? Similar ways of resolving conflicts are more used in communication.

In order to successfully resolve the situation using constructive methods, it is necessary to form an adequate perception of the situation among the participants, arrange them for open interaction, create an atmosphere of goodwill and trust, jointly determine the root of the problem.

Design styles include:

Integral

Allows each side to feel like a winner. A similar effect is achieved when the parties agree to abandon their original positions, reconsider the situation and find a solution that satisfies everyone.

The method can only be applied if the parties to the dispute demonstrate flexibility of thinking and the ability to adapt to new circumstances.

Compromise

The most peaceful, mature way resolution of the situation.

The parties decide on mutual concessions in order to eliminate the negative factors that caused the dispute.

Such behavior of people makes it possible not only to peacefully resolve emerging contradictions without prejudice to anyone but also to build long-term communication relationships.

Way out of the conflict

How to get out of conflict situations? To get out of a difficult situation you need to take the following steps:

1. Stop using words or doing actions that provoke a negative response from your opponent.
2. Do not respond to such behavior on the part of the interlocutor.
3. Demonstrate affection towards another person. You can do this with the help of gestures, facial expressions, words. Smiling, patting on the shoulder, shaking hands, using polite phrases - all this helps to smooth out disputes.

   The interlocutor immediately acquires a positive attitude and the situation is soon resolved.

Examples of conflict situations

In society

It's best to resolve using constructive methods.

For example, the neighbors of an apartment building may come into conflict over the distribution of parking spaces in the yard.

Some neighbors will insist on the organization of clear markings, according to which each car is assigned a specific parking space. Other tenants will advocate for the possibility of a free arrangement of cars.

In this situation the most effective methods of resolving a dispute would be to build a dialogue, joint resolution of the situation through compromise.

It is enough for the residents to organize a meeting and make a decision at it that part of the area in the courtyard is allocated for individual parking, while the other part remains for the supporters of arbitrary parking.

Between employees

It is better to solve structural methods.

For example, employees of the same team may come into conflict in connection with inability to work together in the same direction.

Each defines for himself a range of responsibilities, which is not approved by his colleague. The result is the emergence of a conflict situation and the inefficiency of joint work.

The manager of the employees involved in the dispute must apply the methods of clarifying the requirements, setting goals and assigning remuneration.

Each employee will be explained the principle of his work, a clear range of job responsibilities. In front of colleagues common goals will be set, reaching which they will receive the promised reward (bonus, promotion, etc.).

How to properly resolve conflicts? Find out from the video:

Completion Forms

What is the form of the end of the conflict? A conflict of interest can be completed as follows:

1. Permission. The prerequisites may be the desire of the parties to end the dispute and not return to it in the future. For the final resolution of the conflict may require the involvement of third parties. This is especially true in the area of ​​professional relationships.
2. attenuation. The dispute may cease to be relevant for one of the parties, or for all participants in the process. In the first case, the other side does not find a response to its own words and actions and is forced to end the conflict. In the second case, the parties simultaneously decide that they do not want to continue the dispute due to fatigue, the end of arguments, loss of interest in the subject of the dispute, etc.

   This type of end to the conflict is not always the case, since when a new stimulus arises, the dispute can resume with renewed vigor.

3. Settlement. The parties come to a compromise, reach mutual agreements. As a result, the dispute is resolved through constructive dialogue and effective interpersonal interaction.
4. elimination. The basis of the conflict is eliminated, transformed, modified, etc. In other words, the subject of the dispute ceases to be relevant at the current time and the fact of a conflict of interest automatically disappears.
5. Growing into a new dispute. Unexplained contradictions on one issue can become a source of new conflicts generated by the primary dispute. Especially often, a similar effect is observed when a remark made by one of the spouses on any issue develops into a mutual exchange of reproaches.

Completion is not always a solution

Does the end of a conflict always mean its resolution? It is important not to confuse the concept of the end of a conflict situation with its resolution.

End of the conflict- this is the moment of the end of the actions of the parties at the current time, the termination of the dispute for various reasons (attenuation, development into a new dispute, etc.)

Completing a dispute now does not guarantee that it will will not reappear after some time. This is due to the fact that the source of the conflict is not dividing anywhere, and the parties have not reached any result.

Conflict resolution involves the conscious application of methods and techniques aimed at correcting the negative situation that has arisen.

The resolved conflict allows the parties to reconcile and no longer return to the subject of the dispute.

Thus, conflict can arise in any area of ​​human life. as a result of the conflict of his interests with the interests of other people.

There are many ways to get out of conflict. It is important to be able to put them into practice before the situation has moved to a serious level.

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