B Negative mother complex
WOMEN: "A bad man in a terrible world"
Typical of a negative mother complex is the constant feeling that everything that is necessary in life must be fought for. Instead of the supportive love, patronage, nourishment, protection, interest, and attention experienced with a positive mother complex, the overall picture of life consists of loneliness, exhaustion, self-giving more than nourishment, but it is still enough to not die. (Feeling that it would be better not to be born than to suffer like this).
The formation of such a complex depends not so much on the interaction of a particular child with a particular mother, but on the nature of the "maternal environment" of the child as a whole. Mothers who did not want to have children, subsequently, almost never can establish a coordinated interaction with their children.
The atmosphere in the family can be felt as painful and cold, like at the station, vain, conflict, filled with irritation. Mother's messages often sound like: Leave me alone! Leave me alone! I will kill you! Nothing else could have been expected of you. You are not ours. Did they replace you at the maternity hospital? Such treatment forms in the child the feeling that he has no right to exist, that he is initially guilty and must somehow justify his existence. The belief that people don't like people like that is always for something and with conditions. (In the future, he can choose a low-paid and difficult "helping" profession).
Overwhelmed mothers, whose partners do not share the burden of parental care for children or unconsciously discount mothers' attempts to mend relationships, are almost always not empathetic towards the child. Overloaded mothers are more concerned with themselves than with the child, and it is difficult for them to allow the child to develop according to his abilities and inclinations.
If the daughter establishes a warm relationship with another woman outside the family (neighbor, teacher, coach), the mother may attack this relationship enviously and jealously and destroy it. The sexuality of the daughter also provokes attacks from the mother, and attributing the daughter in the future to the role of a whore, a prostitute.
Women with an initially negative mother complex, who have not overcome it at least partially, usually try to show a genuine interest in their children, but in their relationship there are "inconsistencies" and "inconsistencies" all the time. If such a mother raises a child alone, both fall into a vicious circle, the “rut” of the complex, and both develop an “allergy” to each other more and more. It is extremely difficult for such a woman to find her identity. A basic distrust of people is formed, suspicion, intense vigilance and expectation of a dirty trick in any relationship, a feeling of hopelessness and alienation, it is impossible to emotionally connect with anyone. On the contrary, all relationships are full of rejection, struggle, rivalry.
Psychosomatically, the child reacts with constant colds ("cold" atmosphere). Later, women often experience problems with the menstrual cycle, form a bodily "shell". Can develop such a "cold" disease as cancer.
Survival strategies for women with a negative maternal complex include: growing up early (pseudo-adult person), relying only on themselves, forming obsessive neuroses (for example, collecting), developing their organizational skills and "heroically overcome all life's difficulties." They invest in a profession in order to gain a foothold in the world and justify their existence. Find an outlet in music, literature. In general, they make attempts to escape to their father's territory.
MEN: "How painful it is to live!"
They form multiple psychosomatic reactions - from abdominal pain to cardioneurosis. A recurring feeling of helplessness is characteristic, that nothing can be done, no matter what one undertakes, what needs to be done. We are convinced that we should not disturb others with our existence. For as long as they can remember, there has always been something wrong with the stomach. They believe that the world cannot be trusted, since every contact with it causes pain and suffering. They feel that they are to blame for the fact that the mother is unhappy. Often such men study well, are bookworms, have a good spatial imagination, are unhurried, perfectionists. Relationships with peers are difficult. Often they form obsessive neuroses, pedantry, control everything and everyone, or develop phobias. They marry women who are very similar to their mother - depressive, with low self-esteem and an exaggerated sense of guilt. Nothing good is expected from women in general. The hard-to-reach Anima-"star" is often projected onto a sister, a relative. Cardioneurosis and heart attacks are associated with this psychodynamics.
The key ones are also basic distrust, fear of separation, they do not know how to survive losses, losses. Very often, in the so-called narcissistic personality disorders, a negative mother complex is found.
To survive, they also assert themselves on their father's territory.
One of the most common male nervous disorders is the mother complex. Such men often experience communication problems, cannot fulfill themselves, and often remain alone all their lives. They also get sick often. The psychological state of these men, even at a conscious age, remains at the level of a child.
The mother complex is very common in males.
Motherhood complex
The mother complex is an active element of the psyche of any individual. The subconscious receives information as a result of communication with the mother and other female representatives, whom the individual considers potentially important for himself, as well as from the attitudes imposed by society. The mother complex includes an emotional association with one's own mother, who either nurses, cares for, loves, or reigns supreme over the child's life cycles, causing a negative mother complex.
When the formation of instincts is violated, the two archetypes of the mother merge, provoking the appearance of fantasies of a different nature. All this can lead to neurosis of varying severity. The pressure of the mother complex can have different effects on the mental and behavioral characteristics of men and women.
On the one hand, such a syndrome is always associated with psychotrauma. But on the other hand, more extensive, you can see aspects that positively affect the psyche of the individual. In men with a mother complex, instead of heterosexuality or as an addition to it, the following may be hyper-subtly developed:
- intuitive feeling;
- aesthetic sense;
- giftedness;
- insight and tact, characteristic of girls.
Such a guy can become a good friend, he will be faithful. Don Juanism can also be expressed as courage, purposefulness, the ability to resist stupidity, to suppress laziness in oneself, to fight for a just cause to the end. With resistance to the mother complex, men develop workaholism, which compensates for the denial of their nature. The skills to rule, suffer, survive are well developed, but there is no ability to love and empathize.
Manifestation in men
The mother complex in men is manifested in love for the opposite sex and homosexuality. Homosexuals in their heterosexuality unconsciously try to be like their mother. Don Juan, they are looking for the image of the mother in every representative of the opposite sex.
Love of the opposite sex is divided into 2 types.
- Don Juan is a heartthrob who tries to destroy a woman from the inside, thereby trying to take revenge on her mother.
- Casanova - helps a woman reach the peak of her natural attractiveness, capabilities.
Based on gender differences, such a complex in a guy cannot form in its pure form. Along with the maternal archetype, the image of the male erotic principle plays an important role in the subconscious of the individual. At the same time, in the male psyche, there are personified manifestations of femininity: a craving for art, natural purity, the ability to feel love.
The mother is the first woman in a child's life. For a man, this is the first connection with a woman in his life. She deliberately or accidentally controls the masculinity of her son, using her femininity.
This leads to different consequences. The boy can associate himself with her, resist this phenomenon, reject his own essence, sexual attraction. These factors greatly complicate the process of personality formation and the normal development of the psyche.
Among women
In girls, the mother complex is formed naturally. Here there is either an excessive development of female manifestations, or their discoloration, up to a complete absence.
The first case is characterized by the loss of her individuality in a girl. In the second, all instincts are projected only on the mother.
A woman with a negative maternal complex is picky, she cannot get along with a man, because all of her is one continuous denial of the image of the mother, which makes her look like a member of the opposite sex.
She has a cold mind, a truly masculine acumen in business, thanks to which she can occupy leadership positions. Maternal instincts wake up in her very late or do not manifest themselves at all.
Another variant of the manifestation of the motherhood complex in a woman is the denial of her beauty. She dooms herself to loneliness in advance, living the fate of a witch. As you know, they never get married, so psychologists chose this image as an analogy with the negative maternal complex in girls. Opposition to the mother can manifest itself in deviations of the menstrual cycle, infertility.
The mother complex in women occurs naturally
Development of the complex in women
The study of the mother complex in a woman is to search for the causes of its origin. It is necessary to consider the relationship of the child with the mother and understand what was the impetus for the formation of a distorted perception of oneself as a woman, unique and beautiful.
To eradicate the negative maternal syndrome, you need to survive and completely abandon the existing line of behavior that has been developed over the years. It is provoked by a decrease in self-esteem, the mother purposefully or unconsciously always tried to suppress her daughter.
Negative motherhood syndrome
It represents a complete denial of everything connected with the maternal image, which is manifested by special behavioral and psychological signs. The formation of the complex depends entirely on the nature of the relationship of the mother to the child. Women who do not want to have children cannot find a common language with them, they constantly find fault, punish, shout. Instead of support and affection, the child receives reproaches. The mother forms in the child the consciousness of his insignificance, uselessness, guilt for the fact that he was born.
In such families, the child often develops the idea that it is impossible to love just like that, but only for something or under some condition. When a woman or a man appears in the life of such a person, capable or able to give the missing affection, care or just friendship, the mother begins to be wildly jealous, always reacts aggressively. She will try to destroy her child's relationship.
In girls, the manifestation of a negative maternal complex awakens a desire to take real care of their child, but if for some reason she raises a child alone, the situation is aggravated, and the vicious circle cannot be broken.
A woman cannot free herself from her complexes by plunging a child into them. As a result, family relations are getting worse every year.
In men, the negative mother's syndrome provokes the appearance of psychosomatic diseases, stress, and a sense of one's own helplessness. He is like a wet kitten in the cold. As wives, such men choose older women who look like their mother. The same notorious and bitchy. A man with a negative mother complex often suffers from a narcissistic disorder.
A woman with a complex can pass it on to her child
parent complex
In psychology, the parental complex is understood as a set of thoughts, feelings, images associated with parents, based on their influence, their own experience. According to Jung, archetypal images of the ancestors live in the psyche of every person. Accordingly, the images of one's own border on the primitive. Of particular importance in his theory is given to the parental complex, which consists in the continuation of fear of the spirits of the parents.
From the point of view of modern psychoanalysts, the expression “parental Imago” will be more accurate - an image that conditionally reproduces an object that arises as a result of a specific perception and influence of the parents themselves. In childhood, the child fully believes that they are only as he sees them in his mind (initially, he thinks mostly in images). When the parents die, their faces constantly accompany the person, and he seems to really be an independently existing ghost. Today, this manifestation is also called the mother complex or father complex.
Final part
The maternal complex in a man can manifest itself in different guises. Depending on how the mother behaved, one can notice manifestations of a positive mother complex in a man, which endows him with aspirations for high goals, courage, craving for art, excellent taste, natural magnetism, or a negative mother complex, which makes him a child. The latter significantly reduces the quality of life of the individual, preventing him from starting relationships, leading to various somatic and mental disorders.
Indiscretion as a personality trait - a tendency to show a desire for honors, to have the habit of emphasizing one's merits, boasting of one's merits.
At the immodest proposal of the guy at the expense of intimacy, the girl broke out: - I'm not a street girl for you! Let's go to the entrance...
A pretty, neatly dressed thoughtful woman sits on a bench in a small park. Suddenly, a bum sits next to her - dirty, ragged, smelly and drunk, with a bottle of beer in his hands. He looks at the woman with interest, then hands her a bottle. The woman looks at the beer in bewilderment: - No, thanks. The homeless man, leaving the bottle, takes out a bitten apple from his bosom and offers it to a neighbor. She starts to get nervous: - Thank you, I don't want to! The bum thinks for a couple of minutes. Then, rummaging in his pocket, he pulls out an old, soiled lollipop without a candy wrapper, with sticky hair and tobacco crumbs, and again hands it to the woman. She loses her temper: - Look, I made it clear that I do not want anything! Eat your own lollipop and leave me alone! The bum obediently removes the lollipop. Then, looking into space and addressing no one definitely, he says thoughtfully: - An indiscreet question. So, can I not count on oral sex?
Indiscretion is a burning desire to seek honor and recognition. Indiscretion is an inflated false ego that demands honors and recognition of its importance. A person who boasts of his modesty is, by definition, indiscreet. A lack of modesty indicates an excess of pride and a lack of intelligence.
Forgive me for the indiscreet question, what loves indiscretion? First of all, honors, awards, recognition of her merits and merits, she burningly desires fame, PR, fame. She is not at all embarrassed to stick out, to act impudently, indelicately, indecently and shamelessly. Indiscretion in interpersonal relationships behaves frivolously, familiarly and familiarly.
Being influenced by the energy of passion or ignorance, indiscretion can manifest itself in the company of cynicism, shamelessness, tactlessness, obscenity and shamelessness. Without a twinge of conscience, she impudently and too frankly states what came to her mind. For indiscretion, it is common to put on public display piquancy, ambiguity and obsceneness. In a word, starting with appearance and ending with the personality traits manifested, immodesty is always characterized by shamelessness, inadequacy and, most importantly, disrespect for people.
The great philosopher Plato lived in Olympia under the same roof with people whom he did not know and to whom he was also unfamiliar. During their life together, he so disposed to himself and charmed them with his manner that they could not get enough of this meeting. Fearing to be immodest, the philosopher did not mention either the Academy or Socrates in conversations, he only said that his name was Plato. When these people got to Athens, Plato received them extremely hospitably, and they asked him: - Show us your namesake, a student of Socrates, bring us to the Academy and introduce him so that we can listen to him. To this, Plato, as usual, smiled slightly and said: - It's me.
In the place of Plato, indiscretion would have trumpeted to the whole district about the place of its stay and would have begun to boast and brag to the neighbors, like a wick drunk with oil:
The wick in the lamp, drunk with oil,
He suddenly began to brag about his radiance.
But a light breeze, blowing on the wick,
Made it go out quickly!
An insidious wind blows there unexpectedly,
Where modestly do not know how to rejoice
Indiscretion is easily diagnosed: start praising a person, and he will not hold back a satisfied smile. A truly humble person is indifferent to praise and honors. Indiscretion, on the contrary, focuses attention on oneself, behaves in a mannered manner, speaks loudly, with pathos and commanding notes in her voice, is brightly dressed, shows envy, etc.
Indiscretion is the daughter of pride. When you recognize the family of pride, the ardor immediately leaves your face. Here is vanity, and arrogance, and hypocrisy, and swagger, and excessive ambition, in a word, pride is prolific for vices. Indiscretion, delegated by pride, constantly enters into antagonism with others, and this leads to suffering and pain.
Indiscretion is a defiantly expressed disrespect for people. Naturally, it causes a reaction of rejection, confrontation, conflict. Indiscretion excites in people their false ego. When a person does not speak sincerely, with pathos, the false ego of people consciously or unconsciously opposes his indiscretion. The risk of conflict increases, and that means pain and suffering. The ego of indiscretion clashes with the mass ego of others.
Unlike indiscretion, modesty manifests itself in the conditions of the dormant false ego of others. People have nothing to worry about when true modesty is around. They feel the spirit of peace, contentment and serenity emanating from her. That is, unlike restless, conflicted indiscretion, modesty is in a calm state of mind.
D. Addison, in the context of this thought, writes: "An immodest person is often more dangerous than an evil one, because the latter attacks only his enemies, while the former harms his enemies and his friends."
Indiscretion, removed from honors, comes from malice and envy and will do anything to break into the beau monde. Indiscretion is not stable, without remuneration, privileges and honors, it is inoperable. In other words, a lot of problems arise with an immodest person: he does not work stably, conflicts with people, he is not respected. If the team was healthy, then with the advent of indiscretion, envy will corrode it.
Petr Kovalev
Every woman who is expecting a child imagines what it will be like. But this performance is rarely based on something real, it is rather fabulous. Maybe it is for this reason that expectant mothers often simply do not know what to do with this lump when it was born - how to care for it. This needs to be learned, although in many cases a woman feels intuitively what needs to be done. However, in general, maternal feeling and maternal love wakes up a few weeks after the birth of a child, then the realization that here he is - a new little man - becomes complete.
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Photo gallery: Maternal feeling and maternal love
The baby was born.
After the baby was born, the mother is the most necessary creature for him. Therefore, she must always be there - 24 hours a day. When you are constantly next to someone, you recognize him, you get used to him. So right now, mom and baby are getting closer.
The second child is a repetition of the past.
When there is a desire to have a second child, there are also experiences that are no less serious than in the case of the first pregnancy. After all, the roles that will have to be changed have already been established in the family. Parents of the first-born are afraid that they will not have enough love for one more child or that they will love him less. And it is worth understanding only that there will be no less love, it will just be a little different.
The most interesting thing is that, despite the fact that you have already gone through all this, in the case of pregnancy with a second child, feelings return, the abstract image that you have already encountered also returns. Because well, how to imagine that life is born in you again, if the first child has long ago become a real being, to which you are accustomed.
guilt complex.
And so, now the main thing is not to let the feeling of guilt develop. Sometimes a woman, without objective reasons, begins to feel like a traitor who deprives her first child of care and attention for the sake of another. Interestingly, the first child is just quite positive about the appearance of another small or small. Especially if you explain to the firstborn that when a brother or sister appears, the mother will not stop loving him. If you inspire your first child with this important thought, then you can get rid of the feeling of guilt before him.
Psychological preparation.
It's about the preparation of the first child. Tell him about the appearance of a new family member should be as early as possible. You can from the moment you yourself found out about the pregnancy. Be sure to tell the child that he was born very small and helpless, but now he has grown. This will make him feel proud. Show also how much he means to you. Explain that when a new baby appears, he will also be small and helpless, so he will need mom and dad. But that won't stop them from loving their first child just as much.
Newborn in the house.
The former rhythm of the life of the first child, of course, will change. And yet you need to try to spend as much time with him as possible so that he does not feel left out. If he's old enough, offer to help take care of the baby.
Try playing, reading, listening to music together. Thanks to this, you will be close to the first child, but it will also be useful for the newborn. In addition, the older child at this time will be able to observe the younger one, study him, get used to him, while not feeling a bit of rivalry. Moreover, watching how you are gentle and affectionate with the baby, the older child learns to show his feelings. If there is not enough time for everything, ask relatives or friends to sometimes help with the housework, if possible.
However, leaving children with someone else is not worth it, because everyone in the family needs to get used to new roles.
Maternal instinct.
The maternal feeling experienced by a mother for a child is an emotional connection felt on an intuitive level. This means that the mother recognizes the signals that her baby gives when they are incomprehensible to others. She feels when he needs something, when he feels bad, etc. However, maternal love and feeling will not wake up on its own, it needs to be awakened, and this takes time, as it takes to recognize a stranger. Emotional connection is most quickly established during breastfeeding.
mother complex- this is a potentially active component of the psyche of any person, receiving information primarily as a result of the experience of communicating with his mother, as well as from significant contacts with other women, collective assumptions and assumptions. The constellation of the mother complex has different results depending on whether it appears in the son or in the daughter.
Typical manifestations of this complex in a son are homosexuality and Don Juanism, and sometimes impotence (although the father complex also plays a role here). In homosexuality, the whole heterosexuality of the son becomes attached to the mother in an unconscious form; in Don Juanism he unconsciously looks for his mother in every woman he meets (Jung, C. W., vol. 9i, par. 162).
The male mother complex is under the influence of the countersexual anima complex. To the extent that a man is able to establish a good relationship with his inner woman (instead of being obsessed with her), even a negative mother complex can have positive results.
His Eros can be perfectly differentiated instead of or in addition to homosexuality... This gives him a great capacity for friendship, which often creates bonds of amazing tenderness between men... Similar to its negative aspect, Don Juanism can also manifest itself positively in the form of a bold and unshakable masculinity , ambitious pursuit of high goals; opposition to all kinds of stupidity, narrow-mindedness, injustice and laziness; willingness to sacrifice for what is seen as right, sometimes bordering on heroism; in the form of perseverance, perseverance, inflexibility and firmness of will; a curiosity and inquisitiveness that does not shy away from the mysteries of the universe; and ultimately as a revolutionary spirit that longs to establish a new face for the world (ibid., par. 164).
In the daughter, the influence of the mother complex varies from the stimulation of the feminine instinct to its suppression. In the first case, the predominance of instinct puts the woman in a position in which she is aware of herself only as a mother and remains unconscious of other aspects of her personality.
The exaggeration of the feminine leads to the intensification of all feminine instincts, especially the maternal instinct. The negative aspect of the latter is seen in a woman whose only goal is the birth of children. For such a woman, the husband is only an instrument for begetting a child, and she regards him simply as an object to be looked after, just as children, poor relatives, cats, dogs, chickens and furniture must be looked after (Jung, C. W., vol. 9i, par. 167).
In the second case, the feminine instinct is suppressed or completely erased. As a substitute, an overdeveloped Eros arises, and this almost invariably leads to an unconscious incestuous relationship with the father. Such intense Eros is expressed in an excessive emphasis on the personality of another person. Jealousy for the mother and the desire to surpass her becomes the main motive for consistently undertaken actions and obligations (ibid., par. 168).
In another case, the suppression of the feminine instinct can lead a woman to identify with her own mother. She is completely unaware of her maternal instinct and her Eros, which in this case is projected onto the mother herself.
As a superwoman (involuntarily adored by her daughter), the mother lives for her in advance everything that the girl could live herself. She is content to remain implicitly devoted to her mother and at the same time unconsciously seeks, almost against her own will, to tyrannize her. Naturally, under the guise of complete loyalty and devotion. The daughter leads a shadowy existence, and it often seems as if the mother is sucking her life away and prolonging her own with these constant infusions of fresh blood (ibid., par. 169).
Because of their obvious and visible "emptiness", women of this type are good hooks for male projections. Turning out to be devoted, sacrificial wives, they often project their own unconscious abilities, skills, talents onto their husbands.
And then we observe a situation in which an absolutely insignificant, insignificant man, who, it would seem, had no chance in life, suddenly reaches the highest social peaks on some magic carpet (ibid., par. 182).
According to Jung, between these three extreme types there are many intermediate stages, the most important feature of which is the overflowing super-resistance of the mother and everything that she marks.
The main thing in all cases is not the elevation or weakening of the female instinct, but protection from superpower.
mother. And here we are faced with “a vivid example of a negative mother complex.
The motto of this [average] type is: anything, as long as it does not resemble a mother ... All instinctive processes are faced with unexpected difficulties, whether it is sexuality, which manifests itself in an appropriate way, or children that turn out to be unwanted, or maternal duty, which is perceived as unbearable, or the demand of married life, meeting impatience and irritation” (Jung, C. W., vol. 9i, par. 170).
Such a woman often proves to be more wealthy and achieves a higher level of awareness where her mother does not succeed, namely in activities related to logic. If she can overcome her simple reactive attitude towards reality, then later in her life she will come to a deeper acceptance of her own femininity.
Due to her inherent clarity, efficiency and masculinity, a woman of this type can often be found on the high rungs of the social ladder, where her motherly femininity, often revealed with a great delay, under the guidance of a cold mind, unfolds beneficial activities. This rare combination of femininity and masculine understanding is valuable not only in something external, but also in the field of spiritual intimacy (Jung, C. W., vol. 9i, par. 186).
At the center of any mother complex is the mother archetype, which means that both men and women base their emotional associations with their mother on the collective image of feeding and security on the one hand, and devouring possession on the other (negative mother).
All complexes have an archetypal component, being, according to Jung, via regia * to the personal and collective unconscious (Jung, C. W., vol. 8, p. 101). Figuratively, the complex can be represented as a plant, part of which grows and blooms above the ground, in consciousness, and part remains invisible underground, where it is rooted and receives nourishment outside the framework of consciousness.
